Coach's Assistant

Chapter 14 of coach's assistant

But it was not a good night's sleep. I woke up around 4 in the morning, completely covered in sweat. I knew I had had another dream. I just didn't remember what happened in it.

I lay in bed thinking about David and what he said. He knew something was wrong and he wouldn't let go. I knew I had to go to school or David would be all over me again the next afternoon and, in spite his good intentions, there is no way I could tell him what had happened.

I continued to just lie on the bed until it was time to get up. I wanted to be up early so I had plenty of time to get myself together and try to make myself look presentable.

I was going to school but I didn't know what I was going to do there.

At around 6.30 I finally got up and went to the bathroom. I looked in the mirror and saw that my colour was still very pale. I just knew I had to get it together, so I showered, got dressed and tried to put some colour on my checks by using a little powder that was still there from when my mom lived with us.

It was around 7.30 when I came downstairs. Dad was already in the kitchen and I greeted him.

"Hi, Dad, good morning."

"Good morning, Nick, and how are you feeling. Better already?"

"Well, good enough to go to school today, Dad. I was planning on skipping practice. I'm not fit enough for that just yet."

"Ok, that's fine by me, son, just have a good rest when you come home today.

I've got a meeting again so I won't be home before 7 or so."

"No problem, Dad, I'll make dinner, which can be warmed up later in the oven for you."

David overheard those last words because, when he entered, he said: "That's a good idea because I won't be home until 8 or so. I have to work on a project for science with some other students after practice today."

We went to school together, David and me, but we hardly spoke. David tried but he already found out that I was not into it that morning. Somehow I managed to close down any conversational gambit he started very quickly.

My mind kept on wondering how I was going to deal with seeing Mike. I just couldn't cope with seeing or talking to him at all.

I stayed at the far end of the school assembly hall, on the other side from where we normally would be. I didn't know any one who was standing around waiting for the first period to start.

I waited as long as possible. I wanted to be the last one to enter the classroom so there was almost no chance that someone was going to start asking me questions.

That went OK, and I survived the first period. The second period I knew was with Mike, so I tried again to enter the classroom as the last one.

It worked , but when I entered I saw Mike looking at me. He was sitting two tables to the left so every time I looked in that direction I saw that he was looking at me. He had a worried look on his face. When the bell sounded I ran out of the classroom very quickly and went to the toilet.

I walked into one of the stalls and sat down on the toilet. What the hell was I doing here? I had been to two classes now and the only thing that I had done was try to ditch all question about what I had been wrong with me while I was sick, and if I was better already, and things like that.

I didn't hear one bit of what the teachers had been talking about and at the same time I knew that both the first- and second-period teachers had looked in my direction several times, as if they knew I was not listening.

It would be hard going around like this all day or even for a week. I just couldn't think about that. I stayed in the cubicle for a long time. I didn't hear the bell ring for the next period and suddenly it occurred to me that the last time I heard the door was some time ago, so the next period must have started already. Shit, I missed a class.

There was no way I could go out there now. If I did, I would have to answer questions for sure.

Most of the hour I stayed in the toilet, so there was no chance that some teacher or other students would see me. I just walked out when the bell rang for the last period before lunch.

Again I stayed out of trouble there since I knew almost none of the students in that class. But my mind was more concerned with the hour after that. Lunch break. Where would I go then? It was almost certain that David would try to talk to me during lunch.

I walked into the canteen, one of the last. I knew that David and his friends were normally among the first to enter, so maybe they would already be finished. When I walked by the cashier, I heard my brother call.

"Nick, we're over here. Come on."

"OK, I'm coming David." I knew there was no way I could get away from them without looking suspicious.

"Hey, how are you doing? You're starting to look like shit again."

Well that was one way of cheering me up. "Well, I'm hangin' in, David, just getting tired already."

"Mike has been looking for you, you know. I think he wants to ask you if you want to do some training at his house, as long as you are not attending practice this afternoon."

"Well, I'm not sure about that, but I'll try and find him in a moment."

"He's sitting just down there so why don't you tell him that?"

I slowly walked in Mike's direction. I felt some stares on my back. Besides David, Francis had been sitting at the table with him, and I knew that both of them were looking at me while I was walking towards Mike.

"Hi, Mike." I said, trying to sound as normal as possible. "I heard that you were looking for me."

"Yeah. Sit down, Nick, we have to talk, you know."

"Well, hopefully I made it clear the other evening that I don't want to talk to you about it. Didn't you get that?"

"But you need to talk about it, Nick. You can't keep everything inside you."

"If I do talk it, it certainly isn't going to be to you."

"OK, I'll drop it then, but you're still welcome to do some extra workouts whenever you want at my place."

I had no answer for that. I wasn't sure if I could ever visit that room again without completely losing it. It had been terrible and somehow I had hope I could let it go by now, but every time I'd talk with Mike, I knew those awful memories would come rushing back.

"Nick, are you OK? I just want to help you. And I still have to give the doctors some answer to their request for more slave/master activity, but I think I can hold them off for another week or so. You don't have to worry about that yet."

"Mike, don't you get it? I can't talk about it, so please leave me alone for a while. Don't try looking for me either." I knew I couldn't say any more and I just stood up and walked away. I had to get out of the canteen quickly. I looked around to see where my brother and Francis were. They were still sitting at the same table. David was talking to one of his friends, but Francis was looking directly at me and had a strange look on his face. It seemed as if he had some idea what Mike and I had talked about, but that was impossible.

I walked out of the canteen and straight to the nearest toilet. I didn't look back to see if Mike was following me, but I sure hoped he hadn't. Again I sat down on the toilet and I felt the need to cry again. How could all of this have happened? Just as I was getting some friends in this new town and starting to enjoy the gymnastics, everything turned upside down.

If I were going back to practice later that week, I would see all those training facilities. I would have to think again about the room where Mike had all his fitness apparatus.

Once again I missed a whole hour. I found that out when, after a long silence in the toilet area, boys started to come in again. I missed a class of English but that was not the worse I could do. I knew I'd better try to get to class next hour. Francis and Mike were both in that class, so I had better show up or someone would tell my Dad. That was one risk I could never take.

I slowly stood up and walked out of the stall towards the mirror. Nobody was there at the moment, so I quickly looked into the mirror and saw that my eyes were red again. I must have been crying more than I thought. I put some water on my face trying to get rid of the tearstains.

I turned around just in time when I heard someone come into the toilet area.

I slowly started to walk out into the hallway. I tried to look at the ground as much as possible so not too many would notice my red eyes.

When I entered the classroom, I saw that both Mike and Francis were already there. They were both looking at me when I came in. I saw worry on Mike's face, but Francis had more of a concerned look.

I sat down, and before either of them could come my way, the teacher entered so I survived that one.

Nothing happened during class. I managed somehow to stay out of the line of questioning from the teacher, and I didn't have to talk of any other student.

When the bell rang at the end of class, I started to get up out of my chair but I dropped almost everything that was on my desk. I had planned to try to be one of the first out, but I knew that was out of the question now. I put everything in my bag and before I was finished I felt someone standing beside me. I looked up to see who it was.

"Nick, do you need any help? I missed you during the last hour. Where were you?"

"Mike, as I told you before, stop worrying and leave me alone."

"But I can't, Nick! Look at you! Your face is totally lacking in colour and your eyes are red as if you've been crying for a long time."

"One more time Mike: leave me alone." I said that rather loudly and I was startled to see there were still some students in the classroom, but most of them were gone.

"Nick, please, come on, let me help you."

"Mike, for the last time, leave me alone! I will be fine if you do that." I started to walk out of the room rather quickly, not looking back at Mike.

I knew I could not keep this up any more. When I walked outside, I saw Francis standing at the other side of the hall looking in my direction. "Oh no," I thought. "I can't talk to him just now, the way I look." I turned around and there was only one place to go: out of here, back home where no one would ask questions. That would mean that I was going to miss another hour but I just hoped the teacher wouldn't notice that.

I quickly started to walk out of the hall. I thought I heard someone call my name but I didn't look around to see who it was. I had only one thing on my mind: to get out of there as soon as possible.

Somehow I found my way home. Still, everything that had happened was a kind of blur. I went inside our house and walked straight to the bathroom. I entered it and looked at myself in the mirror. Could I take this much longer? Would the pain and the memory ever stop? I had hoped it would get better if I went to school, but it just didn't. It had only been a terrible day with Mike talking to me again and me not getting through to him that he should leave me alone.

I'd better try to rest a little bit. I had another three hours before David and Dad would be home, so I could take a little nap. It would improve the way I looked.

I went to bed, but after a half hour, I knew I would need some help to get to sleep. I knew Dad had sleeping pills in his medicine cupboard. I went to his bathroom and opened the cabinet. There they were. I took the bottle out and looked at it. Would it stop the pain? Was it worth it to go on like this for a long time? I looked at the bottle and slowly walked back into my room.

I lay down on the bed, still with the bottle in my hand. It was more than half full, so hopefully there was enough to end it all. If it would help to get rid of the pain I felt, that would be good, but I knew it meant saying goodbye to David and Dad and Francis. I also would miss meeting Alexei. I just stared at the bottle and a lot of pros and cons ran through my mind.

I don't know how long it took me to do it, but I put some pills in my hand. I guess there were 15 of them. I just looked at them. Should I do it? Should I end it and be finished with everything? It was not the first time since what had happened on Sunday that I had thought about it. But actually having the pills in my hand made the possibility of suicide very real.

I just laid there. I am not sure for how long, but the next thing I became aware of was someone yelling at me. I looked up to see who it was and at the same time I could hear what he was yelling.

"No, Nick, don't take them. Whatever is wrong, that is no solution."

I looked at the face of the person who had walked in and realized it was Francis who stood there.

"No, Nick, stop. Let's talk about it. You can't do that."

I looked at my hand and suddenly realized that there was more than a single sleeping pill in it. There were at least 10 or 15.

"Here, give them to me, Nick. Let's talk, but promise me you are never going to think of doing such a thing again. I would not be able to stand it if you left. I would miss you."

I looked from my hand to Francis who had walked towards the bed and stood beside it.

"Give them to me, Nick."

I slowly brought my hand to his and let the pills fall onto his palm. Still I hadn't said a thing to him, but he started to relax a little more when all the pills on my hand were in his.

"Give me the bottle too, Nick."

I did as I was told and gave him the bottle also.

"Were you really considering doing what I think you were going to do, Nick? Is it because of something I said last night?"

I still looked at him and I felt that I was coming to my senses little by little. Had I really considered doing that? I could hardly believe I had. The pain I had felt just before I took the bottle in my hand came back to life and I started crying again. All the fears and anger of trying to hide what had happened to me was running over my cheeks and onto my bed.

"Cry if that helps, Nick, cry as much as you want."

I didn't look at him from the moment I started to cry, but I felt how he was touching my back and started to comfort me by slowly stroking it. I slowly turned around and I put my face against his shoulder and he started to comfort me. I don't know how long I cried but it was the first time I could cry without being ashamed or embarrassed. I just let it out all. All the pain I felt from what had happened Sunday had driven me nearly to suicide, and it scared me a lot. I was not normally a person to give up. Or was I?

Francis was still comforting me and saying lovely sweet words to me. "It's good to cry. Let it out. I am here to help you. If you ever need some one to talk to, I am here for you."

Slowly I started to calm down and my crying turned into small whimpers. I leaned back and looked into Francis's eyes. I slowly leaned forward again, not towards his shoulder but in the direction of his head. Our lips slowly touched and we started to kiss a little bit. But then Francis pushed me back. The first thing that went through my mind was, "see, he doesn't want me." But when I looked into his eyes, I saw that was not the case. There was pain in his eyes, but also compassion, and something I had never seen in someone when they were looking at me. Could that be love?

"No, wait, Nick. This is not a good thing to do now. I am here for you and if you cry, that's fine. But let's not get caught up rushing from one emotion to another. Your already upset, so let's not make things more complicated."

"OK, Francis."

I was still not ready to tell him any more, so I just sat there, staring into those lovely eyes and that sympathetic face of his.

"Let's sit back on the bed, Nick."

He slowly pushed me back into the pillow and he sat down beside me on the bed.

"Will you talk to me, Nick, or do you want me to get some one else?"

"No, Francis, please, no one else."

"OK, it is all up to you, Nick. Do you want to talk about it?"

"I don't know. I'm not sure what I was doing."

He looked at me and said: "Well, I am not sure if you want to hear it said by someone else, but you were trying to kill yourself. Or did I see it wrong?"

"Well, I don't know. I just wanted to take one pill to get some sleep. I … I don't know how the other pills got into my hand." I said that with a slightly trembling voice.

"Ok, I won't go into that, Nick, but if you're ready to tell me, I'm here."

I just sat down against my pillow again, not looking at him any more. Could I tell him what had happened? Would telling the whole story to someone help me? I just hadn't realized what I was doing was dangerous.

"I am not sure what there is to tell you, Francis. There are some things I can't talk about, and others I don't want talk about."

"Did it have something to do with the talk you had with Mike? I saw that you were ashen when you ran out of the canteen."

"I'm sorry, but I really can't talk about it, Francis."

"Well, I think you have to, Nick. You can't just let this continue without talking to someone. Can't you talk to David about it? You told me yesterday that he's pretty open about things. Or your Dad? He isn't a totally strict father; I think you talk a lot about stuff."

"No, I don't want to talk about it with Dad, or even David."

We sat there just being silent for a few minutes, or it could have been more. Time didn't mean anything just then.

"Ok, I didn't want to do this yet, Nick, but I am going to tell you something about me."

"Francis, you don't have to tell me anything if you don't want to. You know that."

"I know, but under the circumstances, it might help you to know that I also tried to kill myself."

I looked at him in surprise and asked: "You did?"

"Yea, I did, so I know how important it is to talk about it. Even when you didn't actually do it, but you were really thinking about it."

"That is true."

"So just let me talk and save your questions until later, because otherwise I'm not sure if I can do this. Besides my parents, I haven't told or talked to anyone about this."

"OK, but if you don't want to, don't do it."

"It all has to do with what I told you yesterday. Two years ago, I fell in love with a gymnast on the team who was two years older than me. His name was Brian. It was great! We hit it off really well. We could talk about anything. We became friends at first, but quickly we both felt there was more than that. We started to hang out almost constantly. We exercised together and it's because of him that I became a gymnast. After a few months together, he stayed over at my house one night. Late that evening, after a few drinks, we started to kiss each other. It just happened and it felt like everything fell into place. We fell in love. We didn't do anything else other than feel each other. Rubbing shoulders, backs, that sort of thing, and we kissed a lot. We tried to be as careful as possible because I didn't want other classmates or my parents to know what was going on. But it became more and more difficult to pretend we were only friends when others were around. After a little more then a half-year, my mother caught us while we were kissing in the back of the garden of our house. I didn't know she was already back from shopping. That was the beginning of the end."

Francis stopped for a while. He looked straight ahead and I saw that there was a tear starting to run down his cheek. I just waited for him to continue.

He took a deep breath and continued: "My parents were furious about it. We tried to talk about it, but that didn't work. They just didn't want to listen to me.

They were very mad at Brian. They thought it was his fault because he was two years older than I was. For almost a week, I didn't talk to them. I stayed in my room as much as possible. I saw Brian each day at school and we talked about what happened, but when my dad found out that that was going on, he forbade me from going to school the next day. The first day I stayed home, I was completely lost but I managed to get through it. That evening dad told me that he was trying to get me into another school in the city. That night my life fell apart altogether, and when I was alone the next day, I just couldn't go through with life if this was what it was going to be like."

He had started to cry a little more and his voice was shaking a lot. "Francis, you don't have to continue if this is causing too much pain."

He looked at me and smiled.

"I think, Nick, that it's helpful for me to tell you. As I said before, it's a good thing to talk about it instead of keeping it to yourself. My mom got me just in time after I had taken the pills and fell unconscious. I was taken to the hospital and everything worked out OK. I started to have sessions with a shrink every day and after a week we had our first session together with my mom and dad. They still wouldn't hear of me having an affair with Brian but they insisted that I have more sessions with the shrink. I think they hoped that I was going to talk about it and become a heterosexual. I knew from the beginning that that was not possible but I didn't have the energy to fight them. At the end, just before I left the hospital a month later, we agreed in a session with the shrink that I was best helped in another environment. So that is why we moved to this town. Mom and dad still thought that, because of me changing to another city, I could change the way I felt about other boys and men."

He was crying now and I took him in my arms. It seemed my turn to comfort him. During his story, I had started to cry again, so we both held each other sobbing. After a few minutes we started to calm down again and we sat back against my pillow. We looked at each other and I asked him: "May I ask you something Francis?"

"Yea, that's OK."

"Do you still see a shrink?"

"No, not any more. I had my last session just before I left the other city.

But he was a really strange shrink because he listened more to my parents then to me."

"But did he help you?"

"Yes, he did. Somehow he made me get past my attempted suicide. I accepted it and I learned that suicide was not a way out. I got stronger with each session.

Even though he didn't help me directly, our sessions cleared my mind. Can you understand that?"

"I guess, but your parents still think the same as they did before?"

"Yes, and it is getting more and more difficult. I just don't want to argue with them about it, because I know exactly where we will end up. I'm not yet ready to go on into the world alone."

"You will never be alone, Francis, you'll always have me," I said with a smile. I just wanted to let him know that I was going to be there for him whatever he wanted to do."

"Well, that is one of the problems, Nick. When I saw you, I felt the same feelings I had for Brian returning. I just didn't want that to happen, but at the same time I couldn't ignore them. So I was a little bit shocked when I kissed you the first time. I didn't know what to do. I asked myself if I could get involved with you and deal with it openly so my parents would find out. If there is one thing I don't want, it's to have to hide those feelings or be sneaky about it. I had done that with Brian and I can't do it any more. So that is why I didn't want to talk with you after what happened. At first I thought `oh, no, not again'. I didn't think I wanted this to happen again so soon. But I have learned that when you fall for someone, you can't help it.

Do you understand that?"

"Yes, I do." His tears had started to dry up and I just swept my hand slowly over his cheeks.

We just looked at each other for a while, without any words.

"So Nick, that is why I learned that it is important to talk about these things. If you don't do that, you get in trouble. So I am not going to push you, just know that if you want anything, I am here for you."

"I know, Francis." I was thrown back to my own problems again and I knew that Francis was right. But where to start? What to tell? Knowing that he was right was still quite different from confessing to him what had happened to trigger my crisis.

"May I ask you something else, Francis? Did you really mean it when you said you had feelings for me?"

"Yes, I do, Nick, that was the reason I behaved the way I did.

"Would you want us to start something or…."

"Well, you put it very bluntly, Nick. The only thing I can say at the moment is, yes, I want to keep seeing you. I want to get to know you better and see where it leads."

"OK, that is fine by me, Francis. I just know one thing now and that is that I want you to hold me and if you don't mind, I want to kiss you."

Without any hesitation, Francis brought his face towards me and again our lips touched each other. I felt all kind of feelings going through me. It was as if my body came to life. We started to explore the possibilities of the kiss a little more and slowly we shared more and more of the contents of our mouths. I just didn't know what happened but I knew I had to stop to get some breath. Instead of going back to our places, I moved my arms around him and started to hug him. I felt his warm body against mine. It gave me a safe feeling. It also made me lose myself again in all the emotions of the past several days, and I started to cry again.

Francis just comforted me and didn't say anything. When I finally stopped crying, he looked into my eyes.

"Why did you cry, Nick?"

"Well, all the different emotions from despair to happiness came back again and I just felt very happy when we hugged each other."

"That's OK, Nick, we need to be open to each other if we want this to work. I guess I answered your question, Nick; I want to hold you and kiss you too. But I need you to understand that if we go on and if it starts getting serious, I want our relationship to be public. I won't try to hide it from anyone, not even my parents. Their reaction is up to them and I'll do whatever I have to do then."

"I don't think I have a problem with that, Francis. I couldn't lie to David or dad about such a thing. I think that David would feel it or see it any way. He always could read me like an open book."

He slowly started to touch my hair with his right hand. He ran his fingers through it and, when he reached the back of my head, he slowly pulled my face towards him. Just before our lips touched, he whispered, "I love your hair. It is so soft, so lovely."

I got no chance to answer because our lips were once again clinched together. We hugged, kissed and touched each other for a while. Then we slowly let each other go and sat back against the pillows once again. We didn't say anything for a while. I guess we both were just getting in touch with what we felt.

"I don't want to push you, Nick, but I know that a lot of things must be happening in your head, so whenever you think you need to talk about anything, call me and I will be here for you."

"I know, Francis. I will …." My voice started to tremble a little. There was a part of me that wanted to talk about it, but I wasn't sure how much to tell.

"I just can't talk fully about it yet, but what I would like to say is that I had a really bad experience this weekend and I am having a hard time dealing with it."

"Don't worry about it too much, Nick. Whatever happened to you is not your fault. But maybe we should talk about something else. I guess you want to be back at practice by Friday when Alexei Nemov will be there. What do you think of him?"

I smiled at him and said, "I am very happy that he is coming. I have always had some kind of childish crush on him. I have a lot of pics of him on my computer. Do you want to see them?"

"Yes, that would be great! He is very good looking, but I heard something about him getting married soon."

I started up the computer and during the next 15 minutes or so we just looked around the net finding information about him and chatting a little bit about him.

"I am very eager to learn from him. It will certainly raise my level of expertise," Francis said at one point.

"Yea, I know. I hope he has some time to spend with me too, despite the fact I am only the reserve and I am still only doing some start-up exercises."

It had been a while and I started to think again about kissing him. So I decided to take the lead and I brought my head towards him. He immediately knew what I wanted to do and we started to kiss each other. This time we kept on doing it for a while. I felt turned around. Instead of being completely down, I was in heaven now.

Suddenly the door of my bedroom was opened and we both started and looked a little embarrassed to see David at the door.

"Oh, sorry to disturb you two, Nick. I am sorry, Francis. I just wanted to see how Nick was doing after he got home this afternoon."

"Ah …." I tried to say something intelligent, but I could think of anything to say.

"Ah, what?" David continued for me. "If you want to say something about what I saw, I just want you to know that I am not surprised by it. I expected something like that to happen ever since I first saw you checking each other out."

"So you are not angry or anything, David?" I asked.

"No, you are and will be still the same Nick you were before. As I said yesterday, I will always be there for you, just as I know you will be there for me".

"Well, then, I just want to let you know that I like Francis a lot." And while I said that, I took the opportunity to bring my face again towards Francis's and started to kiss him.

"Sorry, guys, but can you do that in private for a while? I just wanted to see if you were all right."

I looked at Francis, hoping he would answer that question because I didn't know what to say about it.

"David, I think that Nick will be fine. We've talked about it all and I guess we'll both be OK now."

"I'm glad, Francis, because I was beginning to wonder what was wrong with you, too, after what happened during the last few days. I guess I better leave you two alone then. I will be going in a minute or so and dad won't be home for another hour or more. I will be with Gladia and Lucia to work on my project, so if you want anything, you know where to reach me."

"OK. Thanks, David. I'll talk to you when you get back, OK?"

"Yea, that's fine by me, Nick." David walked out of the room and we looked at each other.

"Well, that went well."

"I guess so, but won't he tell your dad or anyone else, Nick?"

"No, I don't think so."

"I just want to make sure about that. I want to be sure that if my dad and mom find out, it's from me and not through rumours or someone else. I'll be right back."

Francis walked out of the room and I just walked back to the bed.

In the meantime, Francis found David.

"David, I just wanted to have a quick word with you before you left. I won't be around when you come back, because I have to do some homework tonight. I just wanted to talk to you about Nick."

"So, is he fine now or isn't he?"

"Well, I am not sure. He wasn't sick because of what happened between us. There is something else. He didn't tell me yet but I know that it would be good if you could keep an eye on him."

"Oh. Are you sure that's necessary? He looked very happy when I was just there."

"I know. But there is more to it and he was very down when I came by and I don't think that can be turned around just because we talked about our own feelings for each other."

"You said you don't know what's wrong with him. If there is something I can do to help him, just tell me what you know, Francis. I meant what I said before. I want to be there for him."

"Well, if there is anything to tell you, I'll make sure I do that. But for the time being, I have nothing yet. And I'm not sure you should try to talk with him. Maybe he will talk with you about it.

"I'll see what I can do tonight when I come back."

"Thanks, David. He looked really terrible when I arrived today and I just don't want him to feel that way. I'd better be getting back to him. I'll stay until your dad gets home so he won't be alone in the house."

"See you tomorrow then, Francis."

"OK, thanks, David."

Francis walked back to Nick's room.

"Ah, there you are, Francis, and did you find David?"

"Yes, I did and he promised me that he wouldn't tell any one."

"Hmmm, I thought so. Come here, I've already started to miss you," I said.

Francis walked towards the bed and he lay down beside me. I shifted myself a little bit so that I could rest my head on his chest. While I did that, Francis put his arms around me and started to rub my chest. I looked at him and he brought his head towards me and we kissed for a while.

We just lay on the bed for a while with my head on his chest, sometimes looking at each, at other times just enjoying each other's company. It really felt good and I almost dozed off.

Francis kissed me on the lips again and when he finished he whispered, "I believe I heard your dad come into the house. We'd better get out of the bed."

"I guess you're right." But I didn't make any move to get off him. I felt safe lying on his chest, enjoying his smell.

"Come on, Nick. I don't want to tell your dad anything yet and he'll be in here soon.

I smiled at him and I slowly got up and eased myself out of the bed towards the chair that was behind my computer. Francis straightened his clothes and then sat down on the other chair in front my computer. He was right because only a minute or so later my dad opened the door.

"Hi, Nick, how are you feeling?" he started to say as he entered the door but he continued when he saw that Francis was there. "Hey, Francis, you're here. I missed you at practice."

"I know, coach, but I saw that Nick had gone home early right before practice started and I just wanted to know if he was all right. He looked pretty tired when he left."

"Mmm. Well, I'm glad you did and you kept him company. You can have an extra- long session tomorrow if you want to catch up."

"OK, sir."

"And Nick, how are you feeling? I heard you skipped one class today and that you went home early, so I started to worry a bit. Why didn't you come by to tell me? I want to know when you don't feel well. I heard it just before I left today."

"I'm sorry, dad, but I just felt a little more tired than I thought I would.

So I had to get back home halfway through the day."

"Well, I want you to stay home tomorrow again and I'll try to get a doctor to visit you tomorrow."

"No, Dad, I think I'll be all right tomorrow after I have a good night's sleep tonight."

"Didn't you think the same thing about today also? I want to be sure that there is nothing wrong with you. Will you stay for dinner, Francis? I have to start making it anyway."

"No, thank you, sir, I have to go home. I have to do some homework for tomorrow."

"OK, and you Nick? Are you hungry?"

"Yes, Dad, now that you mention it, I really want to eat something."

"OK. I'll start in a few minutes and see you in a half hour."

"OK, dad." He walked out of my room and I looked at Francis with a little fear.

"Francis, can you talk to my dad? I definitely do not want to see a doctor and I want to go to school tomorrow."

"Do you think it would help if I talk to him? Are you sure you want to go to school tomorrow?"

"Yes, I certainly do, and I really want to go to school again. I want to see you, so that will get me through the day."

"OK, I have to go in a few minutes but I'll try to talk to your dad and see what I can do. But before I leave, I want to have something to remember tonight and get me through until tomorrow."

When he finished that sentence he started gently to kiss me again. First just our lips touched and we slowly began to suck on each other. Then he opened his mouth a little and I felt how his tongue touched my lips and softly pushed them apart. I opened my mouth and an electric feeling went through me when our tongues touched. The emotions were overwhelming. It was the best kiss we'd shared until then. We had to stop because we both needed to breathe a little.

"Hmm, that will get me through this evening at least."

"Yes, I guess it will."

Francis slowly turned away from me. "I will talk to your dad. But you have to promise me that you are going to be OK and go downstairs in a minute instead of sitting here all alone."

"OK, I will do that, Francis, but only if I get one more kiss from you."

"Hmmm, blackmail but one I like." He slowly walked back to me and kissed me again.

Then, without saying anything, he left my room and walked downstairs. I waited until I heard the front door open and close again. I think that Francis had talked with my dad for a minute or two. I slowly got up and walked towards the bathroom. I wanted to wash my face and then go downstairs.

My dad was still working in the kitchen, so I just sat down in the living room and put on the TV.

We had dinner together, talking a lot about the visit of Alexei, but he didn't say anything more about a doctor. I became very curious about what Francis had told him.

I went to bed early. I wanted to rest and be ready to go to school tommorrow.