Cole's Redemption By James
Disclaimer
This is a story which deals with sexual as well as romantic situations between consenting teenaged males. This story will also at times deal with issues relating to Racism, Anti-LGBT Bigotry, child abuse, sexual abuse, suicide and other related issues. If you're not of the legal age to read such material, or if you're offended by such a story, then please find something else to read.
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Cole's Redemption
Chapter 14
"My brother asked the birds to forgive him: that sounds senseless, but it is right; for all is like an ocean, all is flowing and blending; a touch in one place sets up movement at the other end of the earth. It may be senseless to beg forgiveness of the birds, but birds would be happier at your side ¨Ca little happier, anyway¨C and children and all animals, if you yourself were nobler than you are now. It's all like an ocean, I tell you. Then you would pray to the birds too, consumed by an all-embracing love in a sort of transport, and pray that they too will forgive you your sin."
¨D?Fyodor Dostoyevsky,?The Brothers Karamazov
Cole
It was now the beginning of June, and thus the beginning of Summer Vacation for all of us. I was glad to be finished with school, and Kevin made no secret of the fact that he too, was glad to be free of school for the year. Chance and Cody gave equal sentiments, and we all got on to enjoying our Summer Break!
Things were going well for me in other areas as well. Justin and I were enjoying our time together, and Daniel and I were growing closer as well. Kevin and I had since come out to both his parents and we told Daniel about us, but not before I told him about myself. When we told Bradly and Carlie, it was on a Friday evening in the beginning of May, and it was shortly after Kevin and I walked through the door after he had walked to my house to pick me up. We had been sitting in the kitchen, and Kevin and I had had one of our looks pass between each other, and I saw Carlie looking at us for a long moment, then Kevin excused himself to go and look for one of the take-out menus. At that point, I looked back at Carlie who was watching me, and Bradly had looked up at me from where he sat at the head of the kitchen table.
"So you saw that look between us?" I asked.
"It wasn't hard to miss," Carlie said as she came over to sit down across from me. I looked to see if she was upset, stressed or angry in any way, and it didn't seem that she was. "I figured that you guys have started getting closer than best friends for a while."
"I've noticed it as well," Bradly said.
"How do you guys feel about Kevin dating someone like me?" I asked. "I mean, sure I'm doing all I can to live a better life now, and doing all I can to make better choices, but there's still how I was before."
"We've seen who you are now," Bradly went on. "I've seen the good things you're doing now, and how loving, caring and compassionate you are towards people around you now, especially to Justin, Daniel, Chance, Cody and also towards Kevin most of all. All of that means a whole lot to me."
"It means everything to me as well," Carlie said reaching across the table and taking my hand. "I'm really proud of the person you've become, and you've been really good for Kevin. He really loves you, and I've come to love you as another member of our family."
"I feel the same way," Bradly added. "I've come to think of you as a second son, and I truly love you. Nothing could ever change that!"
I felt over-taken by emotion, and they both took turns hugging me, and after I got my emotions under control, I saw that Kevin was standing in the doorway with the menu in his hand at his side, but it was loosely grasped in his hand as if it could fall at any moment. He then stepped in to the room, and then took a seat at the table beside me, and he motioned at his mom and dad with a questioning look.
"They know about us," I answered looking at him to see what his reaction would be.
"We were planning on telling you guys here very soon," Kevin said looking first at his mom, then at his dad.
"We figured you would," Carlie said.
"We didn't think you would keep it from us, and that you were probably just waiting for a good time to tell us," Bradly added.
"You're both correct," Kevin responded.
"That's right," I said.
They both let us know that they were really happy for us, and that they supported us being a couple, and that they would support us all the way! I was deeply happy, and I saw that Kevin was as well. We had a good dinner after that conversation, and it was a celebration of sorts!
Daniel and I had our conversation regarding me coming out to him about two weeks before June arrived along with Summer Break. He and I had been out shopping for a couple of pieces of hardware, and after we got back in the car, I got a text from Kevin, and I saw Daniel noticing my face lighting up when I saw that the text was from my boyfriend like it usually did. I answered the text, then we pulled out of the parking lot, and headed for home. I then looked at Daniel who was watching me out of the corner of his eye, and then as we pulled up to the house, I put my phone in my bag, and turned to Daniel, and he looked at me.
"I noticed you watching me as we drove back here to the house," I began. "I wanted to talk to you, and I've wanted to for a long time, but was trying to figure out how to bring it up, as it's still a bit new for me."
"I'm listening," Daniel said putting an arm around my shoulders. "You can always tell me anything, and I've always let you know that since you've come here to live with us."
"I remember that," I went on. "I appreciate that, and I'm glad that I can come to you about anything."
"Me too," he replied.
"I wanted to tell you that I've come to realize that I'm gay," I said then watched his face for a reaction.
He smiled, then took me in his arms, and I held him back. I was glad to feel his arms around me, and I felt safe with him, and truly happy in what I had since come to think of as his fatherly embrace.
"I'm glad you told me," he answered, then kissed my cheek and continued holding me.
"Me too," I replied. "I figured you'd be accepting of me."
"You're correct about that," he said. "I figured that you might be, but wasn't sure. When I saw how close you and Kevin have been getting lately though, that was part of what made me suspect it even more deeply."
"He and I were going to sit down and tell you here at some point, but I was still working on becoming more comfortable with knowing and accepting that I'm gay," I went on.
"I figured that you guys would," Daniel answered. "If you both still want to sit down and talk with me about where things stand between the two of you, I'll be happy to listen."
"That's good to know," I said. "I'd like that, and I'll talk to Kevin about that."
"Good," Daniel replied.
After we separated from our embrace, we got out and put the stuff we bought in the garage, then went in to have lunch.
That last week of May was when Kevin and I sat down together and talked to Daniel about us being boyfriends, and he let us know that we both had his support all the way, and he was glad to hear that Bradly and Carlie were completely supportive of us as well. I was glad that we had all the support that we had, and it made me feel even more loved, safe and happy!
June was starting out really well, and we were all enjoying our break, and also just enjoying being with family. Things took a new turn for me though as we got close to the end of the month. It was in the last week of June when something happened that would add another layer to my life, though at first I wasn't sure if it would be for good or for ill.
It happened on a Thursday afternoon when I was going to get a couple of snacks to enjoy back at the house. Kevin was busy on this particular day, and Justin was out with Daniel for a bit swimming at the city pool. I decided to stay at the house, and have some time to myself, then as I walked along after having decided to get the snacks in question, I recognized the area in which I was walking. I kept walking, and then I saw the gas station towards which I was headed, and a part of me wanted to turn and run, but I kept walking. I wondered if the same person was still working there, and I figured I'd find out once in the store.
I walked in, and I didn't see anyone behind the counter yet, but I went and got the stuff I had been looking for, then I went up to the counter, and I saw him. He looked good at this point, and I wondered at that moment what I had expected. It wasn't like he was still injured from what had happened a couple of years ago, but I wondered how his knee was doing. I also wondered if he knew who I was.
I sat my things down on the counter, and he rang them up, then he spoke, but I didn't hear him at first. I staired at him for a long moment, and he repeated what he had said.
"That will be $10.00 even," he repeated a little louder this time.
"Sorry," I replied. "I didn't hear you the first time."
He looked closer at me, and I had the money in my hand holding it out to him, but he was still looking intently at me, and he hadn't yet taken the bill I held out to him. I stood there, and waited.
"My god, it is you," he said just above a whisper. "You had on'''."
"I know," I said cutting in, unable to stay silent. "I had a cloth sack over my face that night. How did you recognize me just now though?"
"Your voice," he answered as he recovered a little, and took the money I had sat in the center of the counter. "You screamed at me mostly, but there were a couple of times when you spoke in a normal tone, but even that was no comfort. You were so contemptuous and so hateful, as if the very fact that I existed enraged you, but you of course did make that clear."
"I remember all that," I said feeling my face flush with shame and guilt. "It might not change anything for you to know this, but I'm not like I was back then. I've been working to change, and I've always felt really bad about how I treated you and others back then."
The man came from behind the counter, and he stood before me. He walked normally, but a little slower than most people, and I looked down at his legs, but didn't see any brace or anything that suggested that either of his knees were injured. He stood before me, then I looked back up at his face.
"You must have heard about how bad I had been hurt," he said.
I told him about having turned myself in to the police, and about everything that they told me, and about how they told me about his needing medical treatment.
"They did a good job on the surgery, but I have since developed Arthritis in it, but they think that's something that might have happened anyway," he said. "By the way, my name is Stephen."
"I'm Cole," I said as he held out his hand, and I hesitantly shook it.
"In spite of everything," Stephen went on. "I'm glad that I have this opportunity to have met you, and to be able to talk with you. Yeah, how you treated me and other people was horrible, but I always thought there was more to the story."
He then motioned for me to follow him outside, and around to the side of the building. There was a couple of chairs seated next to the wall, and we sat down, then he continued.
"What happened after you turned yourself in to the police?" he asked.
I told him everything, and even told him about how I got involved with Edgar Bradly's group. He was horrified, and he went to speak, but then a car pulled up in front of where we sat, and a guy got out of the driver's side. He was a little taller than I was, and he was headed in our direction, and he was focused on Stephen as if he knew him.
"This is Will," Stephen said turning to me. "He's my boyfriend."
"So that's Will?" I said as more of a question.
"That's right," he answered.
After introductions were made, and I told Will who I was, and told him my story, some of the hardness left his eyes. He watched me for a moment, then spoke.
"I had to nurse Stephen through a couple of months because of the things you put him through," he said. "I had been so angry with you for a long time, and had to work hard to not take the law in to my own hands, but I stayed focused on taking care of my boyfriend, and then I did what I could to not be as angry."
"I completely understand you feeling as you did," I said looking at him directly. "I was horrible to your boyfriend, and I said horrible things to him about himself, you and basically trashed the Jewish Community, as well as the LGBT Community by extension."
"You did a lot, but I'm glad you've been working to better your life, as well as yourself," Will said stepping closer and now the anger was gone. "I'm hoping that we both can talk to you again sometime."
"That would be nice," Stephen said in agreement.
"I'd like that as well," I said.
"We're both truly happy that you've been working to change," Stephen went on. "Maybe you've come to understand a little, but hurting someone does have consequences for many others, even those you might not think of, or who might not even be directly involved in your life, or the lives of those you've harmed."
"He's right," Will said.
"There's a quote from the Russian author Fyodor Dostoyevsky," Stephen went on. "From his book the Brothers Karamazov in which a man who hadn't been living a good life finally realizes that he needs to change, and in the scene, the man actually asks forgiveness from the birds outside his window. This might sound odd if you take it at face-value, but I think if you think more in depth about it then it makes sense, as it goes back to the issue of consequences rippling outwards towards others that you might not think would ever be effected by harmful actions. The reverse is true though, if you're doing good actions, then you should be making sure that they're done so that as many people around can benefit, even those you might not know about."
"So many people today have a "Not My Problem" attitude about problems going on in the world, and in our country today," Will added. "That continues to allow things to get worse, as well as for problems to continue. Of course I have complete anger for those who are at the root of people doing bad things, as well as for those doing the bad things, but I have even deeper anger for those who through apathy, indifference and having no sense of responsibility to the world around them, enable said bad things to not only happen, but that they're allowed to keep going."
"You're both really making sense," I said taking in everything they were saying. "I'm really glad that both of you have shared all that with me, and I have been working hard to think of stuff like that as I continue bettering my life, and the lives of those around me."
"We're both really happy that you're working on that," Stephen said.
"Absolutely," Will agreed.
We talked a little more, then when they asked, I let each of them hug me, and we left with the promise to get together for lunch at some point in the coming days.
Author's Notes
Maybe you guys didn't see that coming. I wasn't sure how I'd go about Cole starting to work on making things up to those he had harmed, but as I thought a little more about it, I decided to bring back the gas station owner, and Will. So I hope you guys like how I did that, and you'll all get to see as the story progresses how things develop between Cole, and both of them as they get to know each other more.
All that being said though, I hope everyone has been having a good day, staying safe and I'll see all of you in Chapter 15.