College Life

College Life - Part Four

by ds elliot

This is the story of two college men involved in a gay relationship. There are details of sexual contact. If such stories offend you, if you aren't of legal age to read such stories, or if such stories are illegal in your area -- please stop now and redirect your browser to another location.

This story is for your enjoyment on this site only. You may not link this story to any other site or publish this story in any other location without the permission of the author. All rights reserved. Copyright 2004.

Please share your comments and constructive criticisms with me at: dselliot28@yahoo.com

and now to Part Four...

Our third year began much like the other two with both of us scrambling to tie up all of the lose ends so we'd be prepared to concentrate on school without any unnecessary distractions. I don't think any of the classes were easier, but Ryan and I both seemed to notice that we were more organized and prepared -- like we knew what to expect and had learned to adapt to the work required. We were busy with school, but we didn't seem to find ourselves overwhelmed by the workload. We still made certain we both left time for the other. We had grown so comfortable with each other, and we knew each other better so could more easily anticipate the others needs and desires. It was like everything seemed to come together in a more complete way for us. I couldn't imagine my life without Ryan as the central part of it. Most days it really didn't seem like my life really started until I met Ryan. From the moment I met him my life just seemed to be a much happier and rewarding experience. I think I was always a happy kid growing up, but since Ryan came into my life it seems that I smile more. I know that I'm happier, but my heart seems full of more love and certainly much more passion than I ever imagined.

Ryan had decided that he would like to enter campus politics. There were several positions he was interested in holding within our Student Government. Once he made his choice, he began the process of running for the office. He enlisted me to be his campaign manager. Together we made flyer's and organized opportunities for him to speak to the issues of most concern to him and to the college in general. Ryan's first speech to the college students was just a couple of weeks away. He had been agonizing over it for the past several days. When he thought he was ready he asked me to be his first audience for the dry run. While the speech covered all of the major issues we had been discussing, it was flat and humorless. Ryan's smile alone could captivate the audience, but he would need more if he planned to get their votes. I asked if he would mind if I worked on his speech a little. I think he was grateful that someone else was taking on this burden for him. I spent the rest of the day working on the speech to spice it up some and give it some punch. When I'd finished my work I did a presentation for Ryan. He seemed to be intensely pleased with the speech. He practiced it daily while I coached from the sidelines to perfect his delivery. We invited a few friends over with the promise of free beer so Ryan could have a larger practice audience. Their response was positive, but we were both unsure if it was the speech alone or the fact that the end signaled a time for free beer.

The speech was delivered flawlessly. Ryan made several appearances in front of several campus organizations to garner support for his candidacy. Each effort brought a larger group of support for him. He did win the race. I was so proud of him. We celebrated by taking most of the people who'd helped with the campaign to a pizza place near campus. This was Ryan's first political race. I knew there would be more. Ryan seemed to come into his own as he argued his points and won people over to his point of view. He was never afraid to confront any issue or explain his positions. He was so very much in his element as he talked with groups and individuals, met people, shook hands, smiled for the crowd, did interviews for the school paper, and debated opponents. I was sure that a political career would be Ryan's calling and his passion.

While I would always give Ryan my full and unconditional support in everything he did, we had both watched Clinton's campaign for the White House. We knew of the difficulties of his campaign especially when his personal life was made a major point of the campaign. Clinton's personal problems with his past exploits were sensationalized in every type of media. One couldn't go a day without hearing of his past actions. Though I tried not to dwell on that aspect of getting elected to public office, I knew that our relationship could hinder Ryan should he decide to seek office in any realm larger than our campus. I didn't like the idea that slanderous comments be made about our relationship. With the US divorce rater hovering near 50%, I believed that our relationship was far stronger and more solid than most marriages. Ryan and I hadn't experienced any serious negative comments about our relationship from fellow students, the faculty, or any of the people in the community we knew. We'd never experienced the hate that exists in society toward gay men or gay couples. We both knew it was out there in the larger world. We discussed it when news reports brought those cowardly acts to our attention. While we could empathize with the victims, we really had no idea what such cruelty could do to an individual or to a relationship. We were both individually strong men, and as a couple we felt invincable, but no one had ever attacked either of us with the intention of drawing public ridicule or instigating general fears and hatred. If Ryan pursued this career choice I knew that we would find out during his first campaign. What I didn't know was how we would prepare ourselves for that eventuality or how we could strengthen ourselves for such attacks and hatred.

Between winter and spring quarter that year an off campus fire destroyed several apartments in a large complex. Many students lived in the complex. Two people we didn't know died in the fire. One guy we did know was homeless as a result of the fire. He, Mike, had been crashing with some buddies in their dorm and borrowing clothes to get by. He, as with most all the students living in the complex, didn't have any insurance to cover the loss of his personal things so he would have to spend money he didn't have to replace clothes, stereo, tv, computer, and books. Fortunately several groups on campus raised some money to help with the cost all of the displaced students would encounter. Ryan and I talked about what we could do. In addition to a large cash donation from Ryan, we offered Mike a place to stay until he could get settled in a place of his own again. Mike occupied the spare bedroom rent free for all of spring quarter. Mike is a very easy going guy with a great sense of humor and a very playful nature. Mike was a died in the wool straight man who attracted a lot of the more attractive college women. He was tall, dark, and handsome. Amazingly he could also cook -- a bonus I sincerely appreciated.

Mike was easy to have in our home. Ryan and I both knew him fairly well. He was a usual member of any group sporting event we participated in. When we first invited him to stay with us, we told him that we were gay and a couple because he weren't sure if he actually knew that. He told us he was aware of our relationship and didn't have a problem with it. It really amazed me at times how enlightened some jocks could actually be. Ryan and I took Mike shopping for some basic clothes so he had things that fit and actually belonged to him. Ryan spent a fair amount of money getting clothes, shoes, a laptop computer, a bookshelf stereo, and other items Ryan considered a necessity for any college student. Ryan wasn't what I would ever call a shopper, usually leaving it to me to get what things either of us needed, but he liked to shop when he was doing it for someone else. I think it really was the joy of giving that excited him. He just liked to help people. Ryan was that kind of man.

Ryan and I continued to greet each other with a kiss or two and a hug when either of us returned home. We continued to sit close if we were just watching tv or talking. We held hands often wherever we were in the house. Ryan would often come up behind me while I was in the kitchen cooking and kiss my neck as he nuzzled against my back. Mike never said anything and showed no signs that our behavior made him at all uncomfortable. One afternoon a few weeks into our new living arrangement, Mike came home while Ryan and I were sitting on the sofa. He heard him come in, but he didn't advance into the room -- he just stayed in the foyer. Soon we heard him say rather loudly..

"What? No welcome home kiss?"

Ryan and I got up from the sofa and went to Mike planting a sloppy went kiss on each cheek. Mike said..

"Gawd... I feel like I've been attacked by a couple of St. Bernard dogs. I've never been slobbered on so much during a kiss. You two better start wearing bibs when you kiss or we'll all drown."

Another time I was standing at the stove stirring something and completely lost in my thoughts when I felt someone wrap his arms around me from behind and pull my body back into a hug. The only person to ever do that was Ryan so of course I thought it was him. I leaned my head back and pushed my butt into his crotch not really thinking anything other than how great it felt to be held. He licked at my ear. I instinctively leaned my head over in the opposite direction to allow him to kiss my neck, but instead a voice whispered...

"Gotcha!"

I never turned around so fast in my life. I was shocked and embarrassed that I didn't realize the difference between Ryan and someone else. My shock turned into laughter as I noticed Ryan at the doorway laughing at my surprise.

The only other incident occurred one evening while Ryan and I were in our study. We'd both been working for several hours on different projects. I'm not sure which one of us started it, but before long the books were set aside and we'd started on our own little project. Ryan had my shirt open and off my shoulders with the back of my shirt over the back of the chair. My movement forward was restricted as well as any arm movement. My pants and boxers were long gone as Ryan was kissing my thighs and teasing me with his tongue. Lost in our own little world of pleasure we'd successfully tuned out all outside distractions until we heard Mike exclaim...

"Jesus Christ! I've never seen a dick that big. Shit... that's porn star quality. Oh by the way Ryan, your mom wants you to call her. Carry on boys."

He wasn't there long, but obviously long enough. I had tried to cover myself when I first heard his voice, but I couldn't move my arms or upper body far enough to cover myself and my clothes weren't in easy reach. Ryan just laughed. Easy for him to do -- he was still dressed. I'm sure I'd never blushed more. My face was so hot I knew it had to be dark red. Ryan went back to kissing my thighs and licking my dick once the door was closed. I can't say I was out of the mood completely, but I was more embarrassed than I'd ever been. Thanks to Ryan though he quickly had me thinking about other things. After our session ended we dressed and went to the kitchen for a snack and something to drink. Mike was at the kitchen table. He said...

"Hey porn star... that's some piece of meat you got there. Promise you'll never stand next to me naked. I already feel inadequate after seeing that thing. That thing looked more like a baseball bat than a dick. Fuck man, it's huge! I've seen horses that aren't that well hung, and I grew up on a farm."

"Mike, I'm so sorry you saw that." I said. "We should have locked the door. I'm really sorry about that."

"Jake, don't worry about it. I can't wait to tell all the guys that you've got this porn star dick."

"Mike... please don't do that. I'm already embarrassed enough."

Ryan and Mike laughed at my expense. They both continued to tease me about my penis. Some of what they said was indeed very funny, and I'm sure I'd have laughed too had we been talking about someone else. I was just too shy for this kind of public discussion about my private parts -- even if the guys discussing it were my lover and our friend. The jokes finally stopped after they'd used every possible comparison possible. I vowed that Ryan and I would never have sex again unless I'd personally locked the door first.

That next weekend Ryan and I had joined a bunch of guys in a touch football game. After the game we all headed to the locker room to shower before heading in our own directions. While we were all in the shower Mike was talking with the other guys and indicating width and length with his hands. I didn't hear what he was saying, but I knew what the topic was. I got several looks that I'd never had before or at least I'd never noticed. I showered with my back to the room so I was not on display (something I usually did anyway because group showers always made me a bit uncomfortable) and to block out Mike's animated conversation. Mike had taken to calling me 'Porn Star' loudly enough so others could hear whenever we'd meet on campus. He so enjoyed giving me shit. I think he lived for watching my face turn a dark shade of red.

Ryan and I both signed up for the summer session at school. We had concluded that we could cut time off our post graduate programs by getting a bit of a head start. Summer was a difficult time to be in a classroom, but if we weren't in the classroom we would have been working in an office. Ryan and I became more involved with our fraternity over the summer. We had attended the required meetings and a couple of gatherings held off site designed to give the younger members the chance to meet and talk with past members who were now successful in their fields. In many respects it was more like a personal recruiting session for the younger members. It was very helpful to hear their experiences and to learn of the opportunities available upon graduation and completion of our education.

Senior year was a blur. Both Ryan and I finished our under graduate work at the end of winter quarter, but decided that we would go through the graduation ceremonies with our class in June. We were both starting post graduate studies in our respective fields. The workload increased for Ryan especially since he was spending some of his time clerking for a judge in town.

As graduation approached we sent announcements to all of our relatives. My parents were going to drive out but not bring the kids because of financial restraints. I fully understood the situation, but really wanted to share this moment with all of them. Since we had both signed up for summer session again, I decided that I would go home for a few weeks in August during the break between quarters. I discussed my plans with Ryan. He was understanding and agreed that we should spend our break with them since I hadn't been home at all during my junior and senior year. I talked with my family weekly and sent gifts at Christmas and for each birthday, but that wasn't the same as actually seeing them. I missed all of them and needed to spend time with them. We saw Ryan's family more frequently because they lived closer. Both his mother and father would occasionally come to town for some business dealings and would stop to visit or take us to dinner while in the area. We had grown close, but they just weren't my family.

Ryan was all smiles a week before our graduation ceremony. I wasn't sure what had him so excited, but he was bubbling over. It didn't take much to get the news out of him. I asked,

"So what has you smiling so much today?"

"Nothing. Can't a guy just be happy?"

"Yes a guy can just be happy, but I know that look. It's the look you get when you've planned something without me knowing it. So what exactly have you been planning this time?"

"I can't keep anything a secret from you. I'm gonna have to work on that. I really wanted this to be a surprise."

"I'm always surprised by the things you do. Every day I'm surprised that you're with me. Every day I'm surprised that you love me. Every day I thank God that you are in my life to give it meaning and purpose."

"I love you, Jake!"

"I love you to, Ryan. I wish that I could find the words to tell you just how much."

"You're gonna make me cry if you keep this up."

"I don't want to make you cry. I just want you to know how very much I love you. I also want you to know how much I love your surprise. Now tell me what it is."

"If I tell you then you won't be surprised. What good is a surprise if you aren't surprised by it?"

"Ryan... if you don't tell me then I'm gonna go crazy wondering what it is. I may not be able to perform in bed because my mind will be trying to figure out what the surprise is."

"You really know how to get me where I live. Lets go up to the bedroom and then I'll tell you."

"Is this your way of getting me into bed?"

"Can't blame a guy for using whatever tactics he has to to get some afternoon lovin'."

"You're just horny -- as usual. Come on I'll race you to the bed."

We both took off at top speed to race to the bedroom. Ryan laughed as I locked the door to the room when we were both inside. He said,

"You aren't ever gonna get over Mike walking in on us are you?"

"You didn't have to go through all of the embarrassment he put me through. He still calls me "Porn Star' when he sees me on campus. I know he does it just to get to me, but every time I hear him call me that it brings up that evening."

"I'm the one who should have been embarrassed that night you know. I was the one on my knees worshiping that glorious dick. Actually it makes me proud in a way... I mean here is a straight guy who can't take his mind off the size of your dick. I'm just damn proud that I'm the only one who actually gets to have it, play with it, taste it, feel it inside me. In a strange way it validates my choice and our relationship."

"Are you trying to say that the only reason you're here with me is because my penis is a little larger than average?"

"No! Not at all. I'm trying to say that it's like straight guys admiring a guys girl friend because of her chest or legs or whatever. It just makes me proud that your mine. And you gotta admit it's kinda cool when Mike says that shit in the locker room. I can't believe all the straight guys who check you out. Makes you wonder if they are really all straight the way some of them try to get a look. You don't see it because you are naturally shy and probably more shy about your body than most guys. Most guys built like you would be showing off. You've got a perfect body and are extremely attractive, but you just don't see that in yourself. It's one of the many things that makes me love you even more. And it isn't just a little larger than average. We should measure it just to see how big it really is, but I'm about average and it's way bigger than mine."

"It just embarrasses me. I love you so much. No come here so we can get you out of those clothes."

We shared a long slow love session. Sex seemed to get better with each year. We knew each other better, loved each other more, and worked harder to please the other. We were holding each other as the passion subsided. Ryan was resting his head on my chest while his right hand was slowly stroking my abdomen. He told me that the surprise was that he'd made arrangements for my family -- all of them -- to fly out for my graduation. He had rooms booked at a major hotel in town and two rental cars booked for their travel while they were here. They were arriving two days before the ceremony and would be in town for a week after to visit and sightsee.

How could I not love this man more each day. Tears of utter happiness were running down my face as he told me the wonderful news. I don't think I could possible be happier. I'm so glad they would all be here to share in my big day. The good news coupled with Ryan's slow stroking of my abdomen had me ready for a second round. This time was all about sexual gratification. Ryan enjoyed sex -- all sex -- but he was especially excited when it was a bit wild and out of control -- more animal passion than making love. I did my best to provide him with that experience. When we finished round two, the bed was in a shambles with the blankets on the floor and the pillows God knows where. We were both panting and gasping for air. Between pants Ryan said,

"Fuck me! I'm gonna get you a surprise every day from now on if we get to do that. You were an insatiable animal. That was amazing! You really are a Porn Star -- my Porn Star. Fuck! I can't catch my breath. I don't think I'll walk for a week. That was great! I wonder what I can surprise you with tomorrow?"

"You inspired me Ryan. I get hot just watching you respond. There couldn't be anything in the world more exciting. God, I love you!"

I pulled the blanket from the floor without getting out of bed. I covered us and we slept soundly for two hours. When I woke up I was hungry. I had depleted my energy with Ryan's encouragement. I grabbed a robe and wandered downstairs to fix something for dinner. It was 9:00 already, and I knew Ryan would need to eat soon too. Ryan came down when he smelled the food cooking. He was wearing a robe and walking bow-legged -- like he'd been riding a horse for the last six months. My first thought was that he was hurt. I went to him immediately when I noticed his walk. I asked if he was ok -- if I'd hurt him. He just laughed and told me he was teasing me. I punched him in the arm and told him he was cut off from the wild stuff for a while. After dinner we went back to bed to sleep.

There was so much going on the week of graduation that it seemed like the days all blurred together. Having my family here was perfect and afforded me a calming and comforting support group. Anna stayed with Ryan and I at the house the first night, and that quickly led to the others wanting the same opportunity. We graciously accommodated all of my siblings. The time at home with them gave me a chance to catch up with each one individually. I was amazed at how much my younger brother, Luke, had grown. He was 16 when I last saw him two years ago. He was indeed a handsome young man -- a fact that wasn't missed by any of the college women he encountered. He'd break a lot of hearts along the way I suspected, but he seemed so mature and comfortable with himself. I couldn't believe the changes in all of them. They were growing up while I was busy with school.

Ryan and I talked about the changes in Luke. Ryan told me that Luke looked like me only with slightly darker hair and not quite as handsome. He told me that my body was better too more muscled and toned. I asked Ryan if he was checking my brother out. He told me that he always looked, but he knew he'd never find anyone more attractive than me. I kissed him for that, but went back to talking about Luke. I just didn't see myself as attractive I guess. I couldn't believe that Ryan thought I was better looking than he was. I tried to tell him that he was just biased, but he wouldn't acknowledge my argument as valid. Before bed that night I spent some time in front of the bathroom mirror trying to see if what Ryan was telling me was true. As I looked at my reflection in the mirror I could see that all the parts were in the right place, but I just didn't see the whole package as 'beautiful' or 'handsome'. Ryan walked in and asked,

"Whatcha doin'?"

"Just looking at myself. I can't see it."

"Can't see what? Are you comparing yourself to Luke to see if you are better looking?"

"I guess... honestly I was comparing myself to both Luke and you. I think you are way better looking than I am. You've got that killer smile that lights up your face and causes your eyes to sparkle. The gold flecks in your eyes seem to dance when you are smiling. I think it's very nice of you to tell me I'm attractive, but between the two of us you are way better looking. I'm not blind either. I see the longing looks the women give you on campus. I suspect there are plenty of guys giving you that same look, but would never guess that you've got a guy waiting for you at home. I mean I think I'm ok and all. Everything seems to be in the right place and properly proportioned, but I can't see the total package as handsome. You are model material. I'm closer to average."

"If only that was true. I don't want to argue about it with you. You will just have to take my word for it that you are the most handsome man in the world. If that doesn't work then we'll take a pole after your family leaves to see what everyone on campus thinks."

"Don't embarrass me with some pole."

"Jake, I love you!"

The night Luke stayed at our home Ryan was teasing him about all the women who stared at him as we showed him around the campus. Luke said,

"Yea... that happens a lot. Jake probably gets it more than me though. He's way better looking than me."

"He does actually, but he doesn't notice it. I thought I was gonna have to beat them off with a baseball bat the first year."

"I'm just glad he lives here and not at home that way I get all the looks and hot women." Luke laughed.

"You mean there are finally hot women back home? What did they do -- import some just for you?" I asked.

"Actually no there aren't any really, but the cute girls all call. Mom hates it. She calls them my fan club."

"So Luke, are you sexually active?" I asked and blushed as I realized what I'd said.

"That's kinda personal isn't it? No I'm not. Can you imagine what that would be like? The whole town would be talking about it by morning."

"Are you hung like your brother Luke?" Ryan asked.

"I ahh I don't know. It isn't something we've compared or anything." Luke replied blushing a dark red.

"Ryan! You're embarrassing Luke and you are embarrassing me. Please forgive him Luke. Sometimes he asks the dumbest questions."

"Jake, I was just wondering if it ran in the family -- you know if all the Bradford males were hung like horses."

"I guess not because mine isn't that big I'm sure. How big is yours Jake?" Luke innocently asked.

"It's huge! I swear I can feel it poking my heart when we have sex." Ryan said.

"Geez Ryan! Stop! I don't think Luke needs to hear about that. I can't believe we are having this discussion. Lets change the subject before he has us naked with his measuring tape out."

"He's so cute when he's embarrassed. He's so innocent when people are around, but when we're in bed he's an animal."

Everyone laughed at that and the subject was changed. Luke told us how much he liked the campus. We talked about the state college he would be attending in the fall. He seemed very excited to tell us about his visit to the campus. He went on to say how anxious he was to get out on his own just to see what life is like without parents around all the time. Ryan and I both told him of the dangers that were out there if he didn't avoid them. We talked about alcohol and parties and the downfall of not keeping his priorities in order. Ryan also discussed safe sex with him. Luke blushed during most of that talk. I knew he'd heard it already from our father, but I suppose it never hurts to have it reinforced by someone closer to your own age.

At breakfast the next morning Ryan asked Luke if he'd like to spend the summer with us. I was a bit surprised at the invitation since we hadn't talked about it, but Ryan had an idea so we rolled with it. Luke was excited about the chance to stay with us for the summer. We told him that he might be bored since we'd both be busy with school during the week, but he seemed anxious to be away from home for the first time. He said he'd ask mom and dad, but he also encouraged both of us to talk with them too so it wouldn't seem like it was his idea or anything. Luke got permission to stay for six weeks -- through the end of July. My parents wanted him at home for a while before their third child went off to college.

Luke had his first sexual experience about two weeks after everyone left. He was hanging around campus during the days and met several women. One was more than a little taken by him and called often for him. Ryan and I happened to leave school early one Thursday because of some other commitments. We got back home about two hours earlier than usual. When we got inside we could hear noise from upstairs. My first thought was that someone had broken into our home, but Ryan stopped us both to listen. What we heard was not the sound of someone breaking in -- well at least not breaking into the house. Luke was in the midst of his first sexual experience with a woman who was showing him all the ropes from the sounds of things. We quietly went into the kitchen then back to the living room. From the sofa we could hear all of the action taking place upstairs. Luke hadn't closed the door to his room so the sounds of sex filtered down -- some of those sounds much louder than others. Luke was certainly vocal. For someone who hadn't done it before he didn't seem to be shy about telling her what he wanted orThe night was going to do to her. She was also quite graphic and certainly was loud when her orgasms came. Ryan and I snickered to ourselves as we eavesdropped on the erotic scene taking place up the stairs. It actually make us both horny. Ryan kept pawing at my crotch and rubbing his hands over my ass and penis. If Luke kept this up much longer I knew Ryan would have me naked on the sofa.

Ryan teased Luke mercilessly often trying to imitate the girls voice during sex. Luke would blush and punch Ryan in the arm, but it was all good natured fun for all of us. Luke took me aside later that evening to ask if we could have a private talk. I told him we could certainly do that. We made plans to borrow Ryan's car the next afternoon to go for a drive to the park where we could talk in complete privacy. Ryan asked if everything was ok with Luke. I told him I honestly didn't know what he wanted to discuss so couldn't answer that. Ryan asked if I thought he'd upset Luke when he teased him, but I didn't think that he had since Luke was very quick with a come back once he got to know Ryan better.

Luke and I drove to the park the next afternoon. We found a spot in the shade away from the throng of people at the park. Luke started to talk...

"Jake, I don't really know how to say this, but I think that I need to. When you first came out I hated you for being gay. I guess I was at that awkward and stupid age. I was worried and scared that I'd be gay too. That was a rough year for me. I yelled at dad a lot, but never really told him what had me so pissed off all the time. I didn't understand how you could like a guy. I didn't understand the attraction, and I made myself miserable with the pictures in my head of you sucking his dick and fucking each other. I was ashamed of you. I was ashamed of what you were doing with Ryan. He was such a cool guy when we all first met him. Everyone liked him. He didn't seem gay at all. I guess I blamed you somehow for making him gay for you."

"Luke, I didn't realize how hard all of that was on you. No one ever told me. I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that alone."

"Jake, just let me finish this so I can get it all out. You were like my hero when I was a kid. I wanted to have your body and good looks. I wanted to be as smart as you were. I wanted to be popular like you. Ryan was right you know. You never realized then or now how many people look at you when you walk across campus. You don't get how attractive people -- men and women -- find you. I use to be so jealous because all the girls talked about how cute you were. I don't think there was a girl in town who didn't want to go out with you -- and I mean every girl. You were like this god. It didn't help my ego that none of the girls were talking about me like that. Even after you left the girls talked about you and how cute you were. They'd come up to me to ask me about you. That still happens occasionally. I just wanted to be you. Then when you dropped the bomb on me about being gay -- well it crushed me. I'd heard about gay guys but never knew any. Guys would make gay jokes all the time, and so did I. When I did that I know I was doing it to try to hurt you in some way. When some girl would ask about you or tell me how hot you were I really wanted to tell them you were a fucking fag. Jake, I just want to tell you how sorry I am for all of the bad thoughts I had and for all the bad things I wished on you. I was stupid and selfish. Having the chance to stay with you and Ryan has done me a world of good. This experience has given me the time to realize what I've probably always known -- that you are kind and caring and loving and generous to a fault. As hard as I tried to hate you and what you were, I always knew that deep in my heart I didn't really mean all the cruel things I was thinking. I just wanted you to know that I really do love you. You are still my hero. If I can grow up to be half as good a person as you are then I will consider myself a success. I also wanted to thank you for letting me stay with you guys this summer. It has really opened my eyes. I don't know what I was expecting, but what I've found is something I want to have one day. I can feel the love you two share. I can see it in your eyes when you look at each other. It is really a cool thing -- like mom and dad actually. I hope I can be lucky enough to find that one day -- maybe in about five or ten years. I gotta tell you that sex was fantastic! I want to have a lot more of that before I settle on the one I want to spend the rest of my life with. I know I should have asked permission first. I'm really glad that you both handled it well and didn't yell at me for bringing some girl into your house. When I brought her there I was more curious about how far it would go. I never really expected we'd actually have sex, but I'm damn glad we did. Next time though I will make sure the doors are locked and Ryan is miles away. That guy is relentless. I don't think he'll ever let that one go, but it is pretty cool that we can all joke about it. Anyway... I love you, Jake."

"Luke, I love you too. I'm so sorry you had a rough time with my coming out. It didn't occur to me that what I was doing with my life could affect you in that way. I suppose I was to naïve and perhaps self-centered to realize the impact on those I am closest to. We're brothers -- always will be. I will never stop loving you, caring about you, and hopefully helping you in any way that I can. If you ever have something like this or anything else for that matter on your mind, I hope you won't wait so long before you tell me. Talking really does make everything easier. I've learned that from Ryan. The more we communicate -- talk and listen to each other -- the better our relationship gets. I'm so glad you told me what was on your mind. Regarding your sexual exploits... I don't mind that you are having sex as long as you are using a condom. I hope you used one the other day. The most important thing is to be safe. I want you to have a long and happy life and sex life. That won't happen if you catch some disease. I also think it best that you not tell mom and dad about these adventures. That would bring a lecture I don't even want to listen to."

"Jake... you are so cool! I'd never tell mom and dad. I don't want to hear that lecture either. Can I ask you a personal question?"

"Sure."

"Is you dick really as big as Ryan says it is? That chick the other day found a ruler and measured mine. She said it was 8 ½ inches long. She said it was the biggest one she'd ever had. I was just curious to know if that was just a line of shit or what. It sure made me feel good though -- like a real stud!"

"Luke, I've never measured it so I don't know how big my penis is. It's big enough to give Ryan and I both a lot of pleasure. Ryan's is smaller but seems to give us both as much pleasure as mine. God, I can't believe I'm talking about this with you. Mom and dad would shit if they heard this conversation."

"I'm gonna ask Ryan to measure it. I'm just curious. I wonder if it does run in the family."

"Please don't get him started with that tape measure thing. He will pester me until I let him measure me. It is bad enough already. One of our straight friends stayed with us for a quarter when there was a fire at his apartment building. He happened to walk in on us one evening. Ever since he saw me in an aroused state he's called me 'Porn Star'. Talk about embarrassing... Wait until someone calls you that across a crowded cafeteria, then you will know true embarrassment."

"That wouldn't be so embarrassing. I'd rather have a big one than a small one. Besides I bet it gets all the girls curious and wanting some of it."

"I guess I must be missing a gene or something because that kind of talk embarrasses the hell out of me."

"Yea... I noticed you don't use slang or anything and hardly ever swear. That is pretty unusual for a guy our age."

Our conversation finished, we headed back home. Ryan was there waiting for us. He made dinner all by himself. I was a little nervous about that, but glad that I didn't have to cook. Sitting around the living room later that evening Luke started in about the size of his dick. He had learned how to get Ryan going so was doing his best to get him excited enough to find the tape measure. Luke had started calling me 'Porn Star' so that really got Ryan going even more. Before long he had the tape measure and the two of them had wrestled me to the floor. Ryan was sitting on my chest with his ass in my face while Luke was sitting on my legs. The little wrestling match was more than enough to get me partially aroused, but when Ryan started to unbuckle my belt and unfasten my pants I was in a state of full arousal. My pleading to stop went unheeded as the two of them pulled my pants and boxers down far enough to expose my crotch. Luke was the first to speak...

"Jesus Christ! Your dick if fucking huge! I can't believe you let me think we were probably the same size when we talked about this earlier. That thing makes me look small."

Ryan was playing with my penis in front of my brother. I was more than embarrassed, but not able to control my own erection. As Ryan is playing with me he says,

"It gets even bigger than this too. It's so cool! I can feel it expanding when he is about to cum. It gets fatter and longer! Jake, be still. I can't get an accurate measurement if you keep wriggling around. Damn! It's over 10 inches -- almost 10 ½. No wonder I can feel it poking around in my chest."

They pulled up my boxers and pants. I was totally red in the face. I was angry, but overcome with embarrassment. I rolled over onto my stomach on the floor and just stayed there with my face buried in the crook of my arm. Ryan sat by me rubbing my back. He said,

"I know you are pissed at me right now for that stunt. I'm really sorry. I don't know what came over me. Wait a minute -- yes I do. It was your sweet little brother Luke. He got me all worked up talking about his big dick. This is all his fault."

"Jake, I'm so sorry. I didn't know this was gonna happen. I didn't mean for you to be embarrassed. It was only supposed to be a little game. I didn't mean for it to get out of hand. I didn't mean for you to get hurt feelings. I'm so sorry. I know you told me not to start, but I didn't listen. You've been so good to me letting me stay here and all. I didn't mean to get Ryan started -- well I did, but I didn't think it would happen like this. I know you're embarrassed. I would be too if someone just took off my clothes in front of you. Shit! What can I do to make this right? Do you want me to leave? Ryan... you were supposed to do that in the privacy of your room."

"Ok guys... Luke, I don't want you to leave. I was more embarrassed than angry. I should have known this would happen sooner or later. Ryan is a sex fiend. I didn't expect it would happen quite this way, but since you're both family I guess it's better than strangers. Ryan is supposed to be the adult so I guess I'll have to punish him by withholding sex. I'm sure you wouldn't have participated, Luke, had he not encouraged you and asked for your help."

"Wait a minute... Why am I the only one who gets punished? Why is my punishment so severe? Couldn't I just stand in a corner for an hour or write a few hundred times that I was a bad boy and won't be bad again? Show a little mercy?" Ryan pleaded with that sad look on his face.

I couldn't help but laugh at Ryan's routine. I just couldn't be mad at him. I wasn't mad at Luke either. We shared a room back home so if I'd gone home for summer breaks I suspect he would have encountered me with an erection at some point. Ryan said,

"Maybe we should measure Luke since this was all his fault in the first place."

"I've already been measured. The only one who hasn't is you Ryan. Maybe Jake and I should hold you down and measure yours."

"Ok!" Ryan says as he unbuckles his belt.

"Stop!" Luke yelled, "I was just kidding. I've seen enough dick for the night."

We all laughed with Luke. He really was going to be ok with our relationship. We continued to watch tv. Ryan and I were holding hands between us while we sat on the soft. Luke got each of us a beer then sat next to me. He put his arm around my shoulder and hugged me a bit then taunted Ryan by flicking his ear or tugging on his hair or poking him in the neck. They were becoming typical brothers.

The night before Luke would be flying out Ryan came home a little later than usual and all smiles. When I greeted him with a kiss and hug I asked,

"What's up Ryan? You've got that smile and look in your eyes like you've been up to something."

"What? I'm just surprised to see you that's all."

"Ryan... what have you been up to?"

Luke walked in as we were talking in the hallway with our arms around each other. Luke's greeted us saying,

"Get a room guys. You two are worse that a cage full of bunnies. It's a good thing you can't reproduce or there'd be a hundred little Ryan's running all over the place." He punched Ryan in the arm as he said that, then asked, "So what's up guys?"

"Ok... lets all have a beer and celebrate Luke's last night here." Ryan said as he pulled me toward the kitchen.

Once we each had a beer and toasted the occasion, Ryan pulled out two boxes from his pocket, giving one to Luke and the other to me. They were thin boxes obviously from a jewelry store. I could see Ryan giving me a gift, but didn't think he'd get something for Luke -- especially not jewelry. Ryan was beside himself with excitement. He was encouraging us to open our boxes. We each opened our box. The boxes contained matching gold ID bracelets. The front of mine was engraved with '10 ½' and Luke's was engraved with '8 ½'. On the back it was engraved with "From Ryan with Love". Ryan was so pleased with himself. He helped me put mine on then helped Luke fasten his. Ryan was so totally pleased that he got us to wear our size for everyone to see. The fortunate part was that it wasn't engraved with 'Penis size' before the number. I hugged Ryan and gave him a passionate kiss. This bracelet would be a wonderful memory both Luke and I would be able to share. Luke got up from the table and hugged Ryan close to him and kissed him on the cheek. It was a very touching moment.

Graduate school was over before it started, or so it seemed. Ryan and I were off to join the ranks of the working class. We had both been recruited by several companies. We discussed each of our offers and looked at potential possibilities with each of the companies. Ryan was offered the best position with a large legal firm in New York City. The opportunities it represented for him were amazing. His starting salary would be nearly double his next best offer. There was no question that he wouldn't take the job. It represented everything he wanted. I too had an offer from a company in New York City. It wasn't doing exactly what I envisioned myself doing, but it would be excellent experience. We accepted the positions and made plans to move to New York. We went looking for a place to live in New York. Ryan had enlisted his grandfather's help with information about various areas of the city. That simple request for information turned into what I can only call an unbelievable turn of events. We arrived in the city to stay with his grandfather while we spent the weekend looking at apartments. Instead of looking at apartments his grandfather hauled us a few miles from his penthouse to what seemed to be a new building. The lobby was art deco in style and very beautiful. It already looked far too expensive even with both incomes. Granddad whisked us us up the elevator to one of the top floors. With the help of a young woman who met us in the lobby we were shown into a beautifully furnished apartment. Ryan and I both thought that it was granddad's idea of a cheap place to live, but it was more than that we soon found out. Once our tour was complete and we'd seen all the wonderful features, Ryan's grandfather gave us each a set of keys to the apartment. It seems he bought it for us and had it decorated when he heard that we were going to be moving to New York City. The woman, we assumed a real estate agent, was actually a lawyer with the title to our place. As we looked at the documents we both noticed at about the same time that both our names were on the title. It was a done deal. Granddad wasn't open to any discussion about the fact that the gift of the apartment was way too much for us to accept. It was ours. I could see where Ryan got his strong-willed and self-determined way.

Granddad left us to wander around the place on our own. We were to come to dinner at 7:00 that evening. He said he'd send the car for us. Ryan and I just couldn't get over the place. It seemed to have everything -- huge rooms and lots of them, ultra modern conveniences (the whole place was computer controlled it seemed), great views of the city, an absolutely huge jacuzzi tub, and the most comfortable furniture I'd ever sat in. I was overwhelmed with the place. It was too much. It was so much more than a gift -- I mean a gift comes in a box. This one wouldn't fit in any box I'd ever imagined. The members of Ryan's family still amazed me with their generosity. Ryan and I talked about his grandfather putting the apartment in both our names. We both felt that we'd either finally won him over or worn him down. Either way this was absolutely unbelievable. When we came back after dinner we brought our bags with us. There was no need to stay at granddad's now that we had our own place. Without really thinking I went to the fridge before bed. As I pulled it open I realized that it would be empty, but was shocked to find that it was well stocked. Granddad hasn't forgotten anything. I couldn't help but wonder how much he'd paid for everything. I had a strong feeling the dollar amount would put me in shock.

The first year in New York was more than I'd imagined it could ever be. Everything took an effort. We still had Ryan's car, but there was never a convenient place to park. A taxi was the only way to travel around town. It took the better part of the year to adjust to the shear volume of people -- people everywhere at all times of the day and night it seemed. Shopping wasn't as easy as it had been. There were different little shops for everything -- breads here, meats there, seafood at another place, produce at still another. We had taken to spending our Saturday mornings doing the weekly shopping. Most of the places delivered so it was easiest to place our orders then have the items delivered later in the day. Work was ok, but I felt that I wasn't being given the opportunities I wanted and hoped to find when I took the position. I had started to look for something that interested me more. After searching for several months I found a position with the Mayor's office. My position was the in the communications department -- handling public relations, press releases, and being a spokes person for the Mayor. Before too long I was helping to write some of his speeches. Ryan was just beginning to get some actual courtroom experience. He had been second chair in several cases so far, but was soon to be lead counsel in a fairly well publicized case. As the trial date came closer, Ryan was concerned about his opening statement and asked that I help him with it. He told me all of the important points he wanted to cover then I wrote the speech for him. I did the presentation for him in my best imitation of a lawyer. He laughed at my attempt to impersonate a lawyer, but he liked the opening remarks. He presented it to me in much the same way I had for him. It seemed to work. I made a point to be in the courtroom for the opening arguments. I was so proud of Ryan. If applause was allowed I know he'd have received a standing ovation. He had such a commanding presence. All eyes were on him the entire time he spoke. He seemed to be so sure of himself and in such control of the room and all the people in it. I'm certain the jury members loved him. I just hoped that he'd win the case. I never asked what Ryan thought about his client, but I was rooting for Ryan.

By the second year we were both more comfortable. Our work hours had become more tolerable. We made up for time we lost the year before and fell in love all over again. Perhaps that isn't the right way to say it. We were never out of love, perhaps we just fell more in love with each other. While working with the Mayor's office I was assigned to work with the Health and Human Services Department because of some recent problems within the Foster Child Care Program. I was so moved by the experience of meeting so many children who were for one reason or another in the Foster Care System. It never occurred to me that so many children were in the system. I felt so sad and helpless. Without speaking with Ryan, I signed up to be a foster parent. I explained to the woman who was working with me that I was gay, but more than capable of taking care of a child of any age. We made an appointment for the required visit to the home. I asked to schedule it as soon as possible. When she arrived the next morning Ryan had already left for work. I didn't mention anything to him last evening because I thought I should be certain it would actually happen before I shared my news. Naturally the home inspection was no problem. She was overwhelmed by the size of the place. It was around 3800 sq. ft. of living space. We had three unused bedrooms as well as a den and a library, family room, and six bathrooms.

That evening I mentioned to Ryan what I had done -- making sure to let him know that if he didn't think it a good idea that I would stop the process. Ryan was wild about the idea. He couldn't wait for the arrival of our first foster child. He was so excited that he started talking about registering with a few adoption agencies so we could have children of our own. I remembered when Ryan first discussed the prospect of having kids. It seemed like that conversation was a lifetime ago.

This seems like a good place to stop this section...

Thanks so much for reading my work!

Please share your comments and constructive criticisms with me at: dselliot28@yahoo.com

other stories by the author posted at Nifty:

"Confusion Rains" in the 'High School' section -- last posted April 23

"Walk in the Park" in the 'Beginnings' section -- last posted April 19

Thanks for reading my submissions!

Peace and Love.

ds elliot