Whatsup? For those of you who don't know me (yet), I wrote Waiting for James (also in the college section) and I've just finished this first short episode possibly the beginning for a series called, obviously, Rekindling the Flame.
I'm only a senior in HS, so don't over-criticize my writing style or grammer. I know there are some pretty professional writers out there, and I'm not claiming to be a novelist here.
*Lyrics: 'Lover After Me' -Savage Garden
Please let me know what you think after you read it, and let me know if you want it to be a stand alone story (basically, stop writing) or if you want me to try to continue it.
RJSWIM101@hotmail.com
This story doesn't have extended graphic sex descriptions (maybe a little), so if you're not eighteen, don't read this or don't get caught. Chose one.
Rekindling the Flame (1)
"Fuck me, god damnit, fuck me hard." I watched as he pounded into me, his hair matted and damp. His eyes were wide open showing their beautiful blue color. His chest rippled with well-defined muscles, and I loved the way the sweat ran in small rivulets across his shoulders.
But that's all it was. A fuck.
I felt myself begin to cum, and I wanted to shout out his name, but I stopped myself. God, I had to search to remember his name. My own boyfriend; I had to carefully separate him from the long string of one night stands. "God Cody, yes, fuck me." I shot my loud up onto his chest and with a long moan, he shot his load deep into my guts. Pulling out, he collapsed on top of me, kissing me tenderly. I turned my head and avoided him.
"Chas?"
I turned away and pulled the cover over my body, and closed my eyes. He sighed and lay down next to me, running his hands over my flushed skin. His fingers felt so strong and masculine and his touch was tender and loving.
"What happened to us?" he whispered. I faced the wall and fixed my eyes on a single spot, motionless and emontionless. I felt him get up and walk down the hall, and then heard the water running in the shower. I stretched, getting used to the soreness in my asshole after sex, and feigned sleep when he came back into the bedroom. I heard him towel his hair and then I felt the mattress move as he slid into bed next to me again.
"I love you so much Chas, where did you go?" He turned the other way, knowing very well that I couldn't stand to be held while I slept. I heard the softest sound, but I knew that he was crying. I knew everything about him; when he had his first kiss, the subtle differences in his breathing from when he was awake and when he was asleep. I knew he was hurting, and I knew I was the one that was causing it.
I got out of bed before he could wake up, and kissed him on the cheek. He was so beautiful, lying there in the dark. I pulled the covers over his bare shoulders slowly, and watched as he turned and tossed slightly, a smile coming across his face. I softly pulled the box from underneath the bed, and as quietly as possible, I took my clothes from the hangers in the closet and put them into the box. I took the picture of the two of us from my nightstand. I packed my toothbrush and toothpaste into my bag and I left the bedroom, softly closing the door behind me.
I picked up my watch and some books from the kitchen and zipped up my bag. The apartment looked so empty with all my things gone, just a few of his pictures and the TV and stereo were left. I took a deep breath and put my hand on the door.
"Chas, wait."
I took a deep breath and turned around. He stood in the entrance to the kitchen, his body illuminated by the moonlight outside. His brown hair hung down messily and I knew he was desperately trying to wake himself up. He was gorgeous, perfect in every respect. And I had used him and taken him for granted.
"Wha, What are you, where are you going?" he said, rubbing his eyes.
I swallowed and tried to compose myself. I set the box down and dropped my hand from the door handle. "I'm leaving Cody."
"Where?"
I sighed and walked over to him, taking his hands in mine. He was so tall and handsome, so trusting and sincere. And so clueless that I was leaving him. That I wasn't going to come back ever. "I'm going away Cody. I'm leaving you."
I could see the understanding flash across his face and his eyes widened. "What did I do? Why didn't you tell me?" He was hurt and I had tried so hard to avoid confrontation, I had tied to sneak past him. But I knew I had to tell him, I had gotten this far already.
I stared into his eyes until he stopped his questions and quieted down, looking at me unflinching, his eyes shining with unshed tears. "I've been horrible to you Cody, you don't understand," I started, gripping his hands tightly. "I've taken you for granted and I hate myself for it. You're too good for me, you deserve and could easily get someone so much better. Think about it Cody."
He shook his head and a tear spilled from his eyes. "But I don't want anybody else, I just want you Chas. I know you've brushed me off sometimes and you don't always listen, but I forgive you. I just want us to be in love again, like we were when we first met."
I brushed the tear from his cheek and hugged him, feeling him shaking as I held him tightly. "I do too Cody, but I've already done horrible things to you. I cheated on you."
He pulled back, a look of disbelief on his face. "You cheated on me?"
I sat down on the couch and held my head in my hands. "Yes Cody, you weren't enough for me. I don't know why, but I couldn't be faithful. God knows you're the best boyfriend that walked the earth, the best one that I'll ever have."
He turned away, and I could tell as his breathing sped up that he wa angry. "So I wasn't enough? Do I suck in bed, or is the problem that I don't suck enough? Am I ugly? Inadequate? What is it Chas, am I just not good enough for you?"
I stood up and grabbed him with both hands. "No Cody, you're beautiful, a talented athlete, you're sensitive and caring, you're trusting and kind. I'm a failed artist trying to get my life together. You deserve so much better."
He pushed me away and went to stand at the kitchen window. I wanted to go over and kiss his broad shoulders and take him into my arms, but I knew he wouldn't let me. "I want you Chas. For me, there can't be anything better.
And I can't believe that you lead me on like this. Tha you cheated on me rather than telling me this earlier."
I stood up and he turned around, his face streaked with tears. "I have to leave Cody. It hurts so much for me, to leave you, but I have to go."
"And you don't think it hurts me?" he said bitterly. "You made me happy just by being there Chas, just by holding me at night and kissing me in the morning when I woke up. There will never be anything better than that."
I shouldered my backpack and started to open the door when he came over to me and knelt down in front of me. "Don't do this Chas, please don't." Why was he begging me when I was the one who had made the mistake, when I was the one that had used him and taken advantage of him?
"Don't Cody," I said, pulling him to his feet. "Getting me out of your life will save you a lot. I'm no good for you."
He grabbed my hands as I was going out the door and looked up at me. "I'm still in love with you CJ, as much as I was when I first met you three years ago."
I shook my head and closed the door behind me, carrying my box down to the parking lot. I shoved my things inside and got in. I sat in the car, looking up at the closed shades of his apartment, wondering if I would ever see him again. I started the car and pulled out of the space, saying goodbye to probably the most happiness I would ever see in my life.
Here I go again I promised myself I wouldn't think of you today Its been seven months and counting You moved on, I still feel exactly the same It's just that every where I go All the buildings know your name Like photographs and memories of love Steel abnd granite reminders The city calls your name and I can't move on
Ever since you've been gone The lights go out the same The only difference is You call another name
To your love, to your lover now To your love, lover after me
Am I all alone In the universe There's no love on these streets I have given mine away to a world That didn't want it anyway So this is my new freedom It's funny, I don't remember being chained And nothing seems to make sense anymore Without you I'm almost twenty minutes late
Ever since you've been gone The lights go out the same The only difference is You call another name
To your love, to your lover now To your love, lover after me
I sat in my room listening to CD's staring blankly at the ceiling. I watched as the light grew stronger and stronger, the brightness coming through the tightly closed shades. God, I wanted it to be night, it fit my mood so much better. My roommate had left for the winter break, and I had nobody to talk to.
I looked at my phone, contemplating calling somebody, but I wasn't in the mood. I looked at the smiling faces of Me and Cody at the beach. His hair was windblown and he was grinning widely. He had his arm around me and the sky was deep blue. I closed my eyes remembering that day, feeling the sun beating down on us and the wet spray of the sea. We'd walked all the way down the beach that day until there were no people, just a sandy line twisting its way northward. The sun was slowly sinking and we stopped to watch the sunset together.
I god off the bed and began replacing things on the shelves in my room. I hadn't lived here in a couple months, and most of the things were old and the room was sparse and bare. I put up a few of the posters I had rolled up and stuffed into the desk drawers, and I turned on the lamp. I put my razor and toothbrush back in the shelf over the sink and I put my books and notebooks back on the desk.
It was still small and uninviting, nothing like the personal and comfortable atmosphere Cody had given me in his apartment. And the bed was single, nowhere near enough room for two people to sleep in. No more nights cuddling up to Cody's warm body, freely running my hands over his muscular chest, listening to him groan quietly as I pleasured him. And no more fantastic sex. And it really was fantastic.
But I knew he'd find someone else, just as fast as he'd found me. Somebody out there would meet him in a bar, and he would smile that smile that he first smiled at me. And he would have them captivated.
Inevitably, the masculine streak in Cody came out, and his natural competitive maleness overruled his heart. Her name was Kathryn and she waltzed into his life shortly after our breakup.
I set my books down in the lecture hall and waited as people began to file in. I slipped my shoes off and drew random designs on the cover of my notebook. The air was cool and I was comfortable in my torn jeans and sweatshirt and I began to fall asleep. And then I watched him walk by, holding hands with someone. I snapped out of my half sleep and watched as he led a sophmore I had seen around to her seat. God, he even pulled her chair out for her.
She gave him a flirtatious smile and he sat down next to her. The class went on slowly, and I watched, wide eyed, as her hand slowly went over into his lap. I saw him shift and put his hands behind his head, the same thing he did when I gave him head. I knew that the satisfied moan would come next, and then he would close his eyes. Sure enough, she moved her chair over, and her hand went to work.
I felt phsyically ill, and I needed to throw up, to find an empty corner and just get it all out. We had been so close, like soul mates. Maybe I had been unfair to him, but did it really warrant something as extreme as this. I knew that he knew I was watching, and that it made me sick. He even told me once that he couldn't stand girls; that anything sexual with a girl was, to him, a huge turn off. So the fact that he was pretending to enjoy any sexual encounter with a female clued me in to just how angry and hurt he was.
I knew he was cumming by the small soft noises he was making and the unique pattern of his breathing. Nobody else around him could tell, but we had had so much awesome sex together that I knew his body: every part, every action, every sound better than anyone else. I fingered the ring on my finger, the only fragment of our relationship that I had left.
I stood up and gathered my books and walked back up the aisle and out of the hall. So I missed a lecture, I could read material and get notes from someone later. I went straight into the bathroom and shut myself in a stall. I balled my fists and punched the door so hard I left a slight depression in the metal. My fists hurt, but I was to angry to even feel it.
I took a few deep breaths and opened the door.
"Cody, leave me alone."
He leaned against the wall and shook his head. "I was a little scared when you punched the door. I thought maybe you were warming up for punching me or something."
I shook my head and ran my knuckles under some cold water. "Why don't you go back to your girlfriend Cody, that's where you belong."
"Whoa Chas, I'm not the one who dumped my boyfriend or the one who cheated on my boyfriend. I have the right to move on if I want to."
"First of all Cody, you haven't moved on, I can tell by the way you're moving your eyes and I know better than that. Second, you hate girls, you hate having sex with them, kissing them, having anything to do with them except maybe giving you fashion advice. That's probably the first sexual thing you've ever done with a girl." I turned back to him.
"I'm going to be normal now Chas, I'm going to get married and have kids and forget I ever met you. You caused the biggest hurt in my life Chas, but I'm going to bury it and move on." He opened the bathroom door and looked at me again. "Why don't you find yourself another nice guy, maybe one you cheated on me with."
I looked back at the mirror and watched my reflection carefully. I hated the short blond hair and the plain green eyes staring back at me. I smashed my fist hard into the mirror watching as the shards scattered around me. My fist was bleeding now, but I just wiped it on my shirt. I slipped the ring off my finger and dropped it into the trash can. I needed to move on.
I bandaged my knuckles and put on some nice clothes and hit the clubs. After a few hours, I knew I'd had way too many drinks, but I was thirsty and what the hell, it was a Friday night and I wanted to get shitfaced. I groped whatever I could, males and females, and found myself eventually sandwhiched between a girl with black hair and a well muscled blond haired man a little older than I was. I felt his hands on my waist and I relaxed into the beat of the music, rhythmically moving my body against his.
The girl, realizing she was the third wheel, left to find someone else, and I continued to dance with the mystery man, too drunk to turn around and look at his face. He pulled me tightly against him, and I felt his erection pressing against me, and I reached back and pulled his head to my neck and he kissed me, running his tounge over the sensitive skin. I stumbled a little as I turned around, and felt the room spin a little bit.
"Hey, I'm Chasworth, but all my friends call me Chas," I said, stumbling a bit over the words. He was taller than I was, and I wrapped my arms around his neck.
"I'm Derrick, but all my friends call me Rick." He had a beautiful smile and he was handsome as hell. He was wearing a tight ringer tee and some faded jeans with a hell of a lump in the front.
"Hey boy, got something in your pants for me?"
He shrugged. "It depends, you wanna start something?"
I nodded, completely aware that by the time we got anywhere private and I got my clothes off, I'd be completely knocked out.
We left the club and, after a little guidance, we finally got to his car. And I promptly passed out.
I woke up and the morning light abruptly hit my eyes. Through my hangover fogged mind, I vaguely smelled cooking food. I looked around, seeing the painfully familiar wallpaper and I looked down at the leather couch I was sitting on. I pushed the blanket off the couch and got up, almost falling over again from the horrible pain in my head. I wandered around until I found the kitchen and stood in the doorway, holding my head and watching.
"What the fuck am I doing here?"
He turned around, wearing a pair of silk boxers and a smile. "I'm cooking you breakfast. The name's Derrick, by the way, but my friends call me Rick."
"Funny Cody, really fucking funny."
He sat down next to me and put two asprin and a glass of water in front of me. "So you were too drunk to even recognize your own ex boyfriend?"
I groaned as I realized what had happened. I took the asprin and shooky my head. "Did we, you know, do anything?"
He shook his head and stood up to attend to the eggs and bacon frying in the pan. He put the food onto a plate and placed it before me, the rich smell finally waking me up. My headache was slightly dissipating, and I was coherent enough to look up at him, smiling at me.
I stood up and gave him a hug, pulling him close. "Thanks for taking care of me last night," I said sincerely, and he wrapped his arms around me. "If you hadn't been there, god knows who I would have ended up going home with."
He dropped his hands and we awkwardly stepped apart.
I sat back down and ate some food, savoring his good cooking.
"Chas, we need to talk."
I nodded and pushed the plate away. "Okay Cody, let's talk."
"I know this sounds stupid, coming from the man who told you he was going to get married and have kids, but I really miss you. I miss everything about you. I miss the way you come up behind me and kiss me when I'm not expecting it, I miss the way you look when you're concentrating really hard, and I really miss telling you that I love you. I can take the fact that you weren't always faithful, but you're hurting me more by leaving me, can't you see that?"
I nodded. "I know, maybe I'm not the best boyfriend, but I think we can still make this work."
He smiled widely, looking like a littly boy on Christmas day. "Really?" You mean it?"
I nodded and he hugged tightly. I winced as the headache returned and the breath was shoved out of me. "Cody, air," I managed to choke out and he loosened his hold on me. I looked up at his face and he was so excited, so renewed even though I had been the one that had hurt him so much.
"Look Cody, I have a lot of apologizing to do. I feel like I'm taking advantage of your good forgiving nature. I've been a real asshole-" I stopped as he pressed his lips against mine, and rubbed my back. God how I had missed those kisses, his body pressing up against mine and the warm wetness of his tounge.
"We're back together and that's all that matters dumbass," he said smacking my head. I cleared the dishes from the table and he turned the picture of us together back over on the coffee table.
I sat back on the couch until Cody pounced on me and started a heavy make out session, make up for all the time we had lost together. We parted, both of us out of breath and a string of saliva hung between us. I reached up a hand and wiped it away, and Cody looked down at me with his gorgeous blue eyes and that killer smile.
"I fuckin love you Cody."
He wrapped his legs around mine and kissed me on the nose. "I love you too Chasworth, you stupid jerk."
Everything was back to normal.
Liked it? Hated it? Let me know. RJSWIM101@hotmail.com