Colors of August Chapter 12
Chapter 12
It's the 2nd hour when Chuck pisses himself. The streams of piss go down his leg and I watch almost not recognizing the great Chuck Crawford. Beau looks over at me. He doesn't say a word. He doesn't have to. I can feel it. This was the man that I had been so submissive to. This was the man that I thought was more powerful than anything walking this Earth.
Faced with danger...he pissed himself.
There are footsteps upstairs. They are heavy footsteps. It's too early to be the Mr. and Mrs. Crawford. It is either my sister and Carol or Mary Flannery and June. The voice of June Crawford echoes down the hallway and it become clear there's another man in the house. I look at Beau's face. I could try to explain to Beau that June wasn't like Chuck. It wouldn't matter to him. I probably wouldn't be telling the truth either. June could be just as bad at this point as Chuck. He had been so angry after Mary Flannery was attacked that he was only seeing red.
"I'll be right back," Beau states, "Don't let him out of your sight."
There is violence in his eyes. Pure violence.
I look at Beau, "Wait, Beau, you don't have to do this."
Beau looks angry. He's beyond angry.
"Yes, I do," he states.
Chuck is scared. He shakes as Beau walks past him to get up the stairs. Tears haven't stopped. All of a sudden that tough guy persona was gone in a moment. He'd always been the one in power. The situation after the rape hadn't changed things. He'd marched with the clan terrorizing the local black neighborhood.
The fear doesn't stop until Beau is completely out of sight. Then he turns to me, desperate and upset.
"Help me out of here," he tells me, "Please help me out of here."
"Don't be stupid, Beau has a gun."
"He'll shoot me anyway. You heard him. You want me to die down here?" Chuck asks, "I've been so good to you and your family. Look at all I've done for you."
A part of me always knew Chuck was just waiting for a chance to throw in my face how much of a great benefactor he was to me. I can see it written all over his face.
"You've been amazing," I state.
"See. You know. You know," he says.
"Like when you exchanged money for sex," I ask, "When you taught me that the only way we could have sex is if I'm submissive to you. And I believed it. I believed that I had to be submissive to the point that I didn't understand sex unless it was painful."
"You liked it..." Chuck growls.
"You made me like it," I respond, "Because I had to. Because that was the only way you would help keep me afloat with the pennies your parents pay me and my sister."
I'm angry saying these things and Chuck is angry listening to them. In those moments in the basement, it just seems like we clash with anger. I'd never really seen this dynamic between us. It had always been so...different.
"Don't be ungrateful."
The words spit out of his mouth as though I owe him anything. He is offended that I would even bring up our sexual relationship. I look at him. I look at the piss down his leg. All of a sudden Chuck is nowhere near that tough. All of a sudden he is small. He just seems so goddam small now.
I shake my head, "You watched when your friends violated me. I thought you cared about me. Hell, I thought a part of you may have loved me. But that ain't love, is it? What happened in that barn ain't love. I try to put it in the back of my head and ignore it with all the other things you've done because you taught me that it was acceptable."
Chuck grunts, "I paid for the house, remember?"
I smile. Yes. The house.
"The house that burnt down?"
"What?"
I give Chuck a hard look, "It burnt down. Oh, you didn't know? Yeah. Your friends burnt it to the ground."
"They not my goddam friends."
"Yes, they are. Yes, they are."
He was no different. They hid under white sheets. They gathered in groups. They terrorized us when there were ten to one. Most of those clan members didn't even live in Birmingham. White girls were being violated in Birmingham and all the blacks were guilty. Even people who had nothing to do with it. So if we were already guilty why try to plead our innocence? The cops knew they were here. Why didn't they take to the streets and stop them? Did I know why? It's because there were cops under those white sheets. They came here and they roused the white folk that lived here. Together they all marched on us. It made them feel powerful when they had numbered. Chuck was the kind of guy that liked to feel powerful. They were his friends. Every last one of them.
I allow him to keep looking at me. He goes from begging at first saying, "Please, please, please" to realizing I wasn't going to release him to threatening me.
"Let me out of here you dumb nigger," he is telling me, "Or I'm going to let my boys have a go with you. You hear me? LET ME OUT OF HERE!"
He keeps talking until the words don't mean nothing at all. I don't know what was going through my mind. Perhaps I could have saved him. Perhaps I wanted to save him. But I don't. I let him sit there and there is so much anger building up in me. I'm changing. I'm becoming someone else. Someone that I wasn't sure I was going to be.
He keeps making his racket until he hears Beau coming down the stairs. Then he goes back to his natural state. He becomes quiet as a mouse all over again.
"C`mon upstairs. Bring the Crawford boy with you," Beau instructs me.
I do what Beau says without much of any resistance. I follow him up the stairs with Chuck. When we get up the stairs Beau leads us into the banquet hall.
The banquet hall is dimly lit. It's quiet in here. I can see Mary Flannery. She is tearing up. She has her hands on June Bug. June Bug is bleeding out his nose. It's clear a fight had gone on up here and June Bug didn't win. Mary is tending to his busted nose. I sit Chuck next to them.
"You too?" June says looking at me, "You part of this?"
I didn't hate June Bug. I never really thought of him as one of the Crawfords until recently. I guess all their colors came out sooner or later. When he looks at me, for the very first time I can see his father in his face. He is disgusted when he sees me standing there.
"I didn't know anything about this," I state.
"You might as well be part of this," Chuck spits at my feet.
The spit lands on my shoes. It pisses Beau off and Beau hits Chuck square in the jaw. He hits him so much that he spits again and this time there is blood in it. I don't feel bad either. I don't feel bad when Beau hits him. Not the way that he does.
Beau looks over at me, "You see now what they think of you, don't you? You serve them for years and the moment they get suspicious of you, you ain't nothin but a dirty nigger to them. They look at you like you one of the bad niggers. You see now? Huh? You see?"
He wants me to answer but when he realizes I'm not going to. He turns the corner and leaves. He comes back with some vodka. He must have found the liquor cabinet. He begins to drink openly at that moment. The look in Beau's eyes is worrying to me. It's terrifying almost.
"What's he gonna do to us?" Mary Flannery asks me.
She's whispering low. Real low. I don't think it matters. The banquet hall is so quiet. If Beau wanted to know what she was saying he probably would know. He's circling back and forth around the banquet hall getting good and drunk. He looks like he's preparing for something. His large, dark shadow is this constant presence and it's making Chuck's stomach turn openly.
I shrug, "I don't know."
It's 10 more minutes before Beau returns over to us, "Someone's coming in here. I need you to come with me, Stevie?"
"And just leave them?" I ask.
He looks down at them. Chuck and Mary are terrified. June Bug is too sore to give up much of a fight.
"They ain't going nowhere," he recognizes.
With that, he leads me to the front room.
"Who is it?"
"I don't know. Go on ahead. Open the door. Get rid of `em. If it's not Mr. and Mrs. Crawford, get rid of em. You hear me?'
"OK."
I listen to what he says. I head to the door as I hear talking outside. When I turn back to see Beau there is nothing. He's gone. I don't know where he's gone to. I turn and before I can open the door two people walk in. It's at that moment that I realize who it is. It's Carol and my sister. They'd come back. They are holding hands. There is this look of pure happiness on their faces.
"Stevie, Stevie, I got some good news," Sissy states.
The way she holds Carol's hand is so intimate. I'd never imagined my sister would be so open with anyone as she was with Carol. I didn't know my sister was capable of such affection. Seeing this strangely made me think of August. It seems like something he would want to do. He would want to hold hands. He would want to be open if we were together. But we weren't together. And we probably never would be.
"Now ain't the time," I state, "Go on. Get out of here."
"Get out of here?" she asks.
"Go for a walk."
"We got some news," Sissy repeats, "Some news. Go on Carol, tell him. Tell him."
She's so excited she isn't even listening to the words that are coming out of my mouth. She ignores my facial expressions as I advance to her.
Carol smiles bluntly, "We're leaving."
"What?" I ask.
"I took some of Daddy's money. Contacted a friend of mine. Got us a house up in Massachusetts. Me and your sister are gonna move up there. We going to be happy," Carol explains, "And we want you and Chuck to come on up north with us."
"We purchased the plane tickets."
Carol opens her hands with this glitter of excitement when Sissy says that. Four tickets. She gives me one. The tickets were for the morning. They wanted me to get on a commercial flight and leave for the morning. Hearing these words and hearing these plans just leave me absolutely fucking speechless. I don't know what to say.
I don't get the chance to say anything.
"I always knew you were the worst kind of a house nigger," a voice states.
The dark shadow is cast into the room. It kills the girls' spirit almost immediately. They feel it before they even see Beau.
"What's happening?" Carol asks.
Beau walks out. Carol is so scared she jumps back. I swear she almost jumps out of her skin seeing him again. Sissy doesn't hesitate to step in front of her. Sissy is blocking her lover. It's clear she's being protective of her. I don't know what to feel about Sissy and Carol at that moment.
"There goes the white bitch that started all this," Beau states, "Come on. Come with me."
"You going to rape her?" Sissy states angrily, "Like you did Lena?"
"I ain't touch Lena," he states.
"Fuck you did. You knew. That's just as bad. You protected him! That's just as bad. Wish those white boys would have strung your black ass up," Sissy rages.
That's when Beau pushes Sissy. He pushes her had to the ground. Sissy is pissed the hell off when she hits the ground and I run to her side attempting to help her up. With that Beau grabs Carol's hand. Carol releases this piercing scream at that moment.
Behind Carol, I see someone else. A figure. I turn at that moment and notice who it is. It's August. August is standing there behind the door. He has this look on his face. I shake my head at that moment.
Why was he here?
Why wasn't Shug with him?
Why was he alone?
"Tie they asses up?" Beau tells me, "Your sister too. Goddam sell out. Goddam Uncle Tom bitch. You want to move up North with her bitch. Is that what you think is going to happen tonight. Fuck that! FUCK THAT!"
Beau is going over the edge. Overhearing the plans that Sissy and Carol had sent him somewhere that I wasn't sure he wanted to be.
"Beau please calm down."
"Tie them up, I ain't going to ask again... You don't want me doing it," he states, "I promise."
He's waving his gun around the air. He's ready to use it. He looks like a whole different person. Beau had always been aggressive, but he was always aggressive and quiet. It's as though all the rage he had bottled up inside about how his father died or about being hunted down for this long had all bottled up and it was all about to explode.
"I'll tie them up. But please just calm down. Please... OK?" I ask, "Stop waving that thing around. Ok. Let's talk. OK? Let's talk."
I look over at August. August runs to the back room without Beau seeing. He's in hiding. I was just hoping at this point that August had a plan. I wasn't sure what the plan was but I needed him to have a plan. Any plan at all.
Why the hell had he come out here empty handed? And where the hell was he going now? What was he doing hiding in the shadows?
I tie the girls up and as soon as I do I tend to Beau. I talk to him calmly trying to bring him down. Shug should be doing this. I was no good at it.
I pull Beau aside when I'm done tying them up. I want to have a moment of privacy. The little bit I can have. He doesn't look me in my eyes. He keeps looking into the Banquet hall making sure that his prisoners aren't going anywhere.
"Did you know your sister was fucking that white girl?" he asks me.
He wasn't dumb. He had seen the affection as much as I had seen. It had made sense to him now why Sissy never was interested in any men that came around her way.
"She told me," I admit, "She told me."
"What's up with that?" he asks, "Huh? What's up with you and your sister and these white folk? Ya'll keep wanting to fuck master? You want to fuck master so bad?"
"They not our masters?"
"PFT!" he grunts.
"They are tied up OK," I tell him, "Everyone is tied up, but Beau that is my sister in there. You ain't going to hurt my sister."
"I ain't going to hurt her," he tells me, "But she needs to watch. Your sister some Uncle Tom now, Stevie. She needs to watch what is going to happen tonight."
He scares me with his tone.
"What's going to happen?"
"I'm gonna scare `em," he tells me, "I'm going to make them gather around and for once in my life I'm going to make them understand they can't just fuck with black folk and not have no consequences."
"You gonna kill em Beau?"
Beau is shaking. He's shaking and for the first time tonight, under the rage and the alcohol I see someone I recognize. I see someone who is afraid.
"I don't know..."
I grab Beau by his face. I pull him closer.
"Look at me. You don't have to do this."
"They killed the pastor. Over what Lonny did," he tells me, "Do you know that The pastor! He ain't never hurt no one. Lonny ain't no saint. We all know that, but we all know Lonny ain't right in the head. Lonny don't know what he doing. He always been slow. It was always up to us to protect him. They never cared about the mental welfare of a poor black man in Birmingham. Lonny just needs help, is all. He just needs help...""
I look at Beau.
"That's who you are, Beau," I state, "You're the protector. You protect Shug, you protect Lonny. You protect me. You aren't the killer. Don't let these people turn you into something that you ain't. Don't let them change you."
"So I just turn the other cheek?"
"Ain't no one saying not to fight," I explain, "But don't kill. That's all I'm saying, Beau. This is not you. I know you and you're beautiful."
He pauses for a moment.
Beau looks into my eyes. There is this deepness to how he looks at me and for the first time, I look at him back in that away as well. He's so misunderstood. Everyone is afraid of the big black man. I wasn't though. I put my hands on his face.
I see him.
I see him for who he really is.
"I would have done anything in life for you to look at me the way you're looking at me now," Beau tells me, "I would have done anything. You understand."
"Why do you say that Beau?"
"You know why. You're the love of my life Stevie," Beau tells me, "You always have been."
He puts his tongue in my mouth at that moment and I don't stop him. I don't stop him as he pulls me close. He isn't aggressive. He is showing a different side of himself at that moment. This side is soft. It's beautiful. It makes my stomach flutter. With a single kiss, Beau is showing me a side of him that I had always ignored for so long. The kiss grabs me up and it holds me up to the light. We embrace. Our hands press up against one another. Our chests beat up against one another. Our world is united at this moment and I am not afraid of him. He is the most gentle soul at that moment.
"Let's go," I tell him.
There is a slight noise in the background. The sliding of a table. Something weird.
"What's that?" Beau asks.
I grab Beau's head so that he can focus on me, "Just you and me. We'll fight. We won't kill them. But we'll find a way to fight for the cause."
I kiss him again. He lets me. I wrap my hands around his head and I remember the times we've spent together. He was always my friend. He was always my protector. I thought I needed Shug to talk him off the ledge but I didn't. I was the only one who could do it because we had a connection that no one understood.
"You promise?" he asks me.
I nod, "I mean it, Beau. I love you, Beau."
I'm scared he may think it's just a rouse. I know August is around. It scares me thinking August is hearing what I'm saying but at the same time it doesn't matter. I mean every word. Luckily Beau believes me.
"Let's go," Beau states.
He can't keep his hands off of me because he's kissing me again. He's kissing me harder than ever. His tongue is in my mouth. He looks like he wants to just rip my clothes off. He looks like he wants to make love to me right then and there in the darkness.
I grab Beau by his hand. We start walking out. For some reason, we can't keep our eyes off of each other. Maybe that's why neither of us notices someone frantically running up to the house. Not until It's too late.
"Lonny?" Beau recognizes the dark figure.
Lonny is bleeding. His clothes are damn near torn off of him. He is sweating. His shoes are almost gone. I have the feeling he'd gotten into something. Seeing him sweating like this lets me know that he spent a lot of time running.
"The Klan..." Lonny tells us, "They killed Shug."
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