Come Christmas Steve

Come Christmas Steve Chapter 8 Love is spelled T I M E

I held my breath as Daniel slipped his small hand into that of his father's. My friends gathered to my side as I watched the words literally escape the young father's mouth. Each and every word simply hung there in a cold fog for all to see and hear as he spoke.

"Daniel told me what happened," he'd said, cutting me short when I paused. Luckily he did so before I could trip myself up in some incriminating lie. I swallowed hard and determined to simply tell the truth. Nothing bad had happened and that was the honest truth.

"Listen," I said. "All I did was help him get in the room so he could go pee."

"Yes, that's what he told me." He looked a bit confused by my forceful tone. "Thank you for doing that." He extended his hand to me. As I cautiously took it, he continued, "He really needed to go bad. It was very nice of you. Most guys your age are too absorbed in themselves to bother helping anyone, especially a small boy. I just wanted to say thank you."

I had to pause and reformulate my thoughts. I'd been prepared to launch into a whole speech about why I had been naked, but I realized little Daniel must have left a few little details out. Maybe in his innocence, he didn't even think that part was important. "Well," I began. Once I got my wits back, I finished with, "you're welcome, but it was really no big deal. Glad I could help. He seems like a nice little guy and you seem to be a good father."

"I don't know. I try. You wouldn't know it from hearing my wife talk. She accused me of being a horrible father for sending him off on his own. She thinks there's a naked pedophile lurking in every corner just waiting to prey on him, especially in hotels. Anyway, I'm glad you were there. If poor little Daniel had wet his pants trying to get in, I would have been in really big trouble with his mom."

"Yeah, she did seem kind of bitchy over it, and it made sense to me what you did. After all, you had your arms all full with the crap that needed to go in the car."

Daniel's father's face wrinkled back into a confused look. "How ... how did you know that?" Steve shifted his weight and purposely stepped on my foot. I got the message to say less. I was hesitating and it was obvious. Suddenly, he rolled his eyes and said, "Wait a minute. Did my wife get to you before me and accuse you of doing something inappropriate with Daniel?"

"Umm," I began. Yes or no, I wondered. Which would be the best answer? I started with yes, but switched to, "No. No sir," I said sticking to the truth like I'd decided to. "I just heard you two arguing in the hallway, I guess."

"Oh. Okay. I didn't realize we were that loud. How embarrassing. Like I said, she's a bit of a nut case about that kind of thing," he responded.

"Well, the naked truth is, she's sort of right. Nowadays, you do have to be careful," I commented. Steve shifted his weight again and stepped down hard on my foot. "OW!" I cried out. "You're on my foot." I gave Steve a little shove.

"Oh, sorry. At least you're WEARING a shoe, imagine if I stepped on your NAKED foot," he said, glaring into my eyes. I thought that was the strangest thing for him to say, but he often said strange things that only made sense later on. Then Steve added, "We really need to be going."

"Anyway, thanks again. You guys have a nice day." Daniel's father gave me a two finger wave and turned away. Daniel broke his grip with his father's hand and did a karate chop and kick move and then winked at me. I smiled and did a couple quick karate chops of my own and winked back. Then I blew out a giant sigh of relief as he scurried off to catch up to his dad.

"What was that all about?" Whittaker asked.

"Yeah, what was that all about?" Jensen repeated.

"Nothing. They were staying in the room next to us and I just helped the little boy get into his room. He needed to go pee really bad and was having trouble with the key."

"Oh," they both said in unison.

"You," Steve whispered into my ear as we headed back to the car, "are one lucky s.o.b. The 'naked truth?' Seriously?"

I started to laugh. I hadn't even thought about using the word 'naked'. The 'naked truth' is a saying I grew up hearing my grandfather use all the time and I kind of picked it up. It all made sense why Steve stepped on my foot when I used that word. "Yeah," I agreed. "I was more than a little nervous. But see, you were just overreacting like I said."

"No," Steve said sternly, "you were just lucky. Damn lucky."

"Thanks for having my back, by the way," I said appreciatively.

He didn't respond but did reach over and give my hand a small squeeze. That told me all I needed to know.

We checked out a couple other hot springs and each one was uniquely awe-mazing. Steve read up on all the geological information off the plaques while Whittaker just went around taking a lot of pics with his phone. Jensen would look at the hot springs for a minute or two and then fade off into a mental replay of his first sexual conquest. You could tell that's where he was going by the look on his face and occasional surreptitious slipping of the hand inside his pants pocket. Every now and then, I'd catch myself looking at Steve and having a little replay of my own, remembering the power of the orgasm I'd had inside his nice ass.

"Okay guys," I announced, "one last stop. Did everyone bring their swimsuits like I told them to?"

"Yes, but I'm not running around in the snow in my board shorts if that's what you've got in mind," Whittaker objected.

"Me either," Jensen agreed.

"No, it's not that. There's this place on the way out of the park called Boiling River. Some of the hot springs flow into the Gardner River and there's a place along the way where we're allowed to go soak in the heated river. It sounds really, really dope on the internet reviews."

"But we'll have to get out afterwards and we'll freeze our asses off," Whittaker complained further.

"Yeah," Jensen agreed.

"Don't be such pansies. We can dry off quickly and take clothes to change into so we don't have to walk back to the car in a wet suit."

"I don't know. Sounds crazy to me," Whittaker whined.

"Well you don't have to come with us if you don't want, but you'll be missing out." I pulled the car into the parking area and there was a large, brown, forest service sign with all the rules on it. No nudity was prominently spelled out. I wasn't surprised that it was, because if it wasn't, I'd be all over the idea of skinny dipping in the river. We grabbed our suits and went into the bathroom at the trailhead to change. Whittaker watched closely as Steve and I changed, probably thinking about what he'd witnessed the night before. We pulled our sweat pants on over our suits and set out on the 1/2 mile hike to the Boiling River. There were only a couple of other cars in the parking area.

The 1/2 mile hike was easy enough. The trail followed along the Gardner River and when we rounded a bend we saw a group of Bison grazing on the opposite bank. You could see their warm breath billowing from their nostrils in a fog. They completely ignored us. We reached the spot where the extremely hot mineral water flowed into the river. We chatted with a family just getting out and they warned us where to enter the water at. Some parts were way too hot to be in since the mineral water could be as hot as 140 degrees and would scorch us.

The surreal image was phenomenal as steam rose from the hot mineral streams until it fed into the Gardner at the confluence. A rim of rocks formed a partial barrier separating the steaming hot mineral water from the freezing cold Gardner waters. Both extremes melded in a unique blend to create an outdoor, natural hot tub. We stripped out of our coats, pants and other clothing until we were down to our swimsuits. We carefully stepped into the bathing area where two other married couples were still enjoying the wonderful hot spring. When we got in, we could tell that finding just the right spot was important. At first, the front half of me was freezing and the backside was burning. We had to shift closer to the married people to find the right mix. Once we did, however, it was a sheer delight.

We settled in and relaxed in the hot water taking in the beauty of nature surrounding us. The buffalo grazed lazily along the river's edge, the steam rose in thick clouds over the mineral water stream feeding our hot tub, and the sky was deep blue with billowing white clouds. It was how I would picture heaven to be.

Shortly after we arrived, the two couples had had enough and they got out, dried off and left. We were able to talk more openly then and Whittaker and Jensen started asking more about the encounter with Daniel's father. I looked at Steve for approval and he just shrugged so I told them the whole story. Naturally, I left out exactly why I was up in the room and naked because even though Whittaker could figure it out, I was sure, Jensen had no idea about me and Steve and there was no reason to clue him in.

Whittaker, predictably, laughed his ass off. Jensen chuckled along. They both agreed with Steve that I'd gotten off lucky. After my story, we all settled back against the embankment and just enjoyed the serenity and beauty of the experience. Jensen closed his eyes and rocked his head back. I imagined, from his expression, that he was pretending to be sitting next to Valerie instead of Whittaker and guessed he was rocking a full boner. I reached over and began slowly stroking my lover boy's arm and upper thigh. Steve turned and gave me sweet look of lustful longing. Apparently, he'd recharged and was ready for more action.

Since we were alone except for the bison, Whittaker, being his usual self, suddenly thrust his suit up out of the water and waved it over his head. "Now I can say that I went skinny dipping in Yellowstone Park. C'mon guys, join in."

"Geez, Whittaker, put that back on. If a ranger comes by we'll get in trouble," Steve scolded.

Whittaker said in a mocking cartoon voice, "Don't get naked in the hot springs, Yogi, Mr. Ranger wouldn't like it."

I started to laugh and added a "Hey, Boo-boo."

Steve scowled, "What are you talking about? Why would you call me Boo-boo?"

"Didn't you watch cartoon network as a kid? You know, Yogi Bear and his sidekick, Boo-boo?"

"No. It sounds ridiculous," Steve said. "I'm not into cartoons."

"Well, Yogi was kinda like Whittaker, just doing whatever crazy thing crossed his mind. He especially liked to steal picnic baskets. Boo-boo was his little buddy and he was the voice of conscience and reason. Sort of like you are," I said to Steve. "They were constantly getting into trouble with the Ranger. Yogi would always find a way to escape though, and get away with things."

"I guess that's why I'm not a fan of cartoons. That's nothing like how it happens in real life," Steve responded. "In real life, the rangers always win."

"Almost always," Whittaker objected, "Shaney here got away with one today."

"Okay, that's true," Steve agreed. "But he was just lucky and we shouldn't push our luck."

"Well, I'm joining Whittaker," I said. "I wanted to do it ever since I read about this place on the net." Whittaker's bravado was contagious. I tugged and wriggled out of my suit and waved it overhead along with Whittaker. Jensen soon joined us and all three of us were waving them in the air as if we were front row at a rock concert. Whittaker stood up and started dancing so that his dick flopped about. I followed his example and soon we were bopping in place to imaginary music playing in our heads. Jensen stayed seated but continued to wave his suit overhead. Steve refused to join in claiming one of us needed to stay out of jail in order to bail the rest of us out. That made us all laugh. Then we started screwing around together doing a little goosing action and splashing. Steve smirked and slid toward the hotter water to keep from getting his hair splashed on. When I managed a playful grab at Jensen's jewels, I found out I'd been right about what he was doing. He was still semi-boned and I winked at him. He smiled back. Then, Whittaker grabbed Jensen's shorts and tossed them ashore. Jensen retaliated and tossed Whittaker's bright red Hawaiian patterned shorts up next to his. I shoved mine under my crotch and clutched them tightly so they couldn't get to them.

They wrestled with me to try and steal them until Steve cried out, "Someone's coming, Listen!"

We stopped wrestling and sure enough, we could hear the sound of young boy voices. "Oh, shit! You're right," Jensen said. He started climbing out as two of the lead scouts rounded the bend. Jensen retreated back into the water and hunched down covering his half bone.

"Oh shit!" Jensen said to Whittaker. "Look what you got us into?"

"Hey, you made your own decision to get naked. You could've listened to Steve."

"Hey guys," one of the scouts called out and walked over toward us. "How's the water?"

"It's great," Whittaker answered. "But how about a little help? We were messing around and tossed our shorts on the shore. How about tossing them back before the rest of your group comes?"

One of the scouts got the same mischievous glint in his eye that Whittaker sometimes gets, started laughing, and picked up the two suits. Laughing, he held them up and said, "What'll you give me for them?"

Whittaker squinted at the kid and said in a low, menacing tone, "How about I let you live instead of throwing your skinny ass into the freezing river?" Then Whittaker growled at the kid and scrambled out of the water and up the bank towards the two snickering scouts. Their eyes flew open and their mouths dropped as all six foot three of Whittaker emerged from the hot water with his giant dick flopping beneath his bright red, matted pubes.

"HERE!" The smartass kid yelled and threw the shorts at Whittaker. Both scouts retreated quickly back up the bank to the trail.

"Good decision," Whittaker said as he picked up the shorts and waded back into the hot water. I'd already gotten mine back on and Whittaker and Jensen quickly put theirs on. Shortly after, the rest of the scouts rounded the corner.

It was an older group of scouts, more of a high adventure group ages fifteen to seventeen, I guessed. I knew they were scouts by the forest green pants they wore. When they saw us, they sort of pulled up and looked a bit disappointed. I think they were hoping to be the only ones there.

We decided to get out and head back once the rest of the scout group came. We'd had our fun and it was time to be getting back anyway. There were eight scouts and two adult leaders. The scouts all stripped down to their board shorts and joked and jostled with each other as they made their way into the hot springs. We shared with them the same good advice about where to enter and where to avoid that we'd been given.

I was impressed with a couple of the young guys' bodies. They were obviously athletes and pretty hot looking. The others weren't much to look at and a bit on the geeky side. I'd spent more than a few hours perusing hot young twinks on the net back in the day and was a pretty good judge of hot and not hot when it came to young studs. The nicest looking one was a nicely chiseled brunette with a sizable bulge in his trunks. I wouldn't have minded if they'd skinny dipped with us. I can't help checking out hot guys still and I had to keep pinching myself whenever I thought about my good fortune of hooking up Steve being the handsome stud that he is.

The smartass kid thought it was funny how their nipples hardened in the cold air and was making a sport of giving his buddies titty-twisters. It was amusing to watch. He made a wide berth around Whittaker, though. I realized how much boys mature in just a few years from those high school years to college. I read once that boys' brains don't fully develop and boys don't fully mature until age twenty-five which explains a lot. Steve seemed well ahead of his years in that regard. I suppose an upbringing like his would force early maturity and even jade you a bit.

I was still forcing as much water out of my board shorts before pulling on my sweats and the other three had walked to the bend in the trail. Whittaker turned around and said loud enough for everyone to hear, "Hey Shaney! Are you CUMMING?" Then he started laugh and so did Steve in spite of himself. Jensen wanted to know why that was funny. No one explained. I turned my back to the scout leaders and flipped him off. That made him laugh all the harder.

The hike back was quick. We were anxious to reach the car and get the heater going. We stripped quickly in the bathroom to get the wet suits off and all of us except Whittaker looked like a young boy, we'd shrunk up so much from the cold suits against our goodies. It was worth it though, and everyone thanked me for finding out about the boiling river and making it a part of our trip. We laughed over how close Whittaker and Jensen had come to getting caught by the scout leaders. We laughed at the look of complete panic on the kid's face when Whittaker's naked body came charging out of the water. "He probably thought there was some kind of giant poisonous snake dangling between your legs," Jensen laughed.

"That reminds me of a joke I heard at scout camp one time," I said. When they prompted me to tell it. "Two scouts go out on an overnight outing with nothing but a single blanket and a pocket knife for their wilderness survival merit badge. They had a two way radio that they could only use in case of an emergency. One of them got bit on his penis by a poisonous snake while taking a piss. He started screaming for help. The other scout came running and tried to call on the radio but he couldn't get reception. He told the one who got bit to sit down and he'd run to the top of the hill to try and get the radio to work. So he ran up and called and got the camp nurse. He told her that his friend had gotten bitten by a snake and she told him to make a small cut at the spot where the fangs sunk into the skin and then suck on it to get the poison out or he could die. The scout ran back down the hill. The almost hysterical scout looked up and asked 'What did they say? What did they say?' The other scout shrugged and answered, 'She said you're gonna die.'"

Jensen started to chuckle politely, but Whittaker didn't and neither did Steve. When I thought about it, it wasn't really all that funny outside of a scout setting and since we're not twelve year-olds. I felt embarrassed for having shared it. Steve directed the conversation away by reciting some interesting facts he'd learned about the extraordinary geology of Yellowstone to relieve the awkward moment I'd created.

It was a mostly quiet ride back and sort of sad when we finally turned the car back in and took a cab back to school. We bumped knuckles and parted ways to our separate dorm rooms. I was unpacking and sorting out my dirty clothes when Steve wrapped his arms around me from behind. I dropped my dirty underwear and twisted around in his arms. He kissed me and stroked my cheek. "Thanks, man. That was just wonderful. I loved every minute of it. Well ... almost every minute. I could have done without the dangerous exhibitions of nudity from you three nut jobs." I laughed and kissed him.

"I'm glad you liked it. I love you so much and I had such a great time. It was everything I hoped it would turn out to be." We started kissing and tonguing while rubbing each other's backs. Soon the shirts came off and then we pulled down our pants and helped each other step out. I pulled Steve's boxer hem over his erection and then took his boxers off. He did the same for me and we dropped naked to the floor of our dorm room between the beds and started thrashing and humping against each other in a fit of lustful passion. We kissed and sucked and ground our dicks into each other. Our precum flowed and provided an erotic lubricant. Suddenly, Steve bit my lower lip and grunted as his hot cum slithered between our tightly pressed abs. That set me off and I spewed my own hot load to mix between us. When we'd both emptied our love juices onto each other's bodies and finished with the spasms against each other, we resumed the slow passionate kissing we'd started out with. We slid our sensitive dicks back and forth through the silky coating of cum spread between our warm bodies. I was flush with joy and happiness.

After a bit, Steve slid down and started licking me clean, stomach, dick and balls. I sat up and flipped around and followed his example, licking and tongue bathing his hot genitalia. I had to pick one of his long brown pubes from my teeth and then resumed the bathing. When most of it was gone, I got up and tossed him his towel. We made our way down the hallway to the showers. After a quick, hot shower that would have been so much better if we could have shared it, we dried off and went back to the room. We finished unpacking and got ready for our classes the next day. The idea of going back to our regular school routine sounded just awful. Finally, we crawled in our separate beds. Steve sat up and played a couple of tunes on the guitar and then we fell fast asleep.

School went okay for me and Steve over the coming weeks. Steve had taken way too many credits in an effort to speed along the graduation process. He had eighteen credits and was gone all the time. When he wasn't in class, it seemed like he was studying. We had very little time for ourselves. The time we did have, we took full advantage of. Our pattern was to go eat dinner at the cafeteria, walk home via the long route around campus talking and catching up on each other's lives and classes. We'd go to our room and make out for a while until Steve was no longer really into it. He'd get distracted with all the thoughts of what he needed to get done and I could tell I'd lost him. I'd stop and hand him his backpack and push him out the door as he apologized, promising to make it up later. Steve spent lots of time in the library computer center since he didn't have his own. It was a real inconvenience and I let him use my laptop as much as possible. I admired his diligence, but I felt really cheated over our lack of time together. Usually, I'd throw on my gym clothes and Whittaker and I would go for a run. After a month, I'd gotten in better shape and looked forward to our daily run.

All the money I'd spent on the trip home and then on the New Year's Steve trip had seriously depleted my savings. As a result, I'd needed to get a job. I was really lucky to find one next to campus at a grade school after school program. I helped the kids with their homework and then monitored their play until their parents got off work and could pick them up. It worked really well with my school schedule. It bothered me that even though they didn't mind if he came by, Steve refused to ever come visit me at the school. I really wanted him to see what a wonderful job I did with the kids. I actually started to consider becoming a school teacher. I really had a knack for helping kids learn and it was fun to see them get excited over mastering a new concept. My job and Steve's study schedule really cut into our companionship time. Sex became a weekend only event, either Saturday or Sunday, but not both. Sometimes it felt like he was just going through the motions.

Once in a while I'd go sit in the commons room and chat with Whittaker and Jensen at night when Steve was pulling a late night study session. By the third week of January, the librarians were kicking him out at midnight practically every day. I pleaded with Steve to back off and drop some credits but he resisted. Jensen continued texting and calling Valerie until she asked him to stop. He was pretty morose over it when she did. He'd gone as far as rearranging his schedule and taking a choir class to try and impress her. It didn't work. By the first of February, he was pretty much over the loss already and was focusing his attention on a girl in the choir class. Since losing his virginity to Valerie in the one night stand they had in Yellowstone, he was highly motivated to find another willing participant. He was putting the pressure on me to double date with another choir girl. Whittaker thought that was pretty funny and made little inside jokes about it that Jensen didn't get. Finally, I decided, with Steve's permission, to let him in on our status. He was shocked at first but then, like Whittaker, put the little clues together and wondered how he'd missed it.

"So what's it like?" Whittaker asked one day when only the three of us were in the commons.

"What's what like?" I asked.

"Sex with a guy. Getting it up the ass. What's that like?"

"Geez, Whittaker, why would you ask something like that?" Jensen said. "That's personal." Then he turned to me and said, "But if you don't mind telling us, I'm curious too. It just seems so strange to me."

"First of all, it isn't just about butt fucking. We don't always do that. It's just the same as it is with straight couples, I suppose. It's about love and making each other feel good. It's as much emotional as it is physical. Sometimes we just cuddle naked until we orgasm just from holding each other close," I explained. "In some ways that's even better sex."

"Wow. That sounds like beautiful," Jensen said.

"But," I continued with a glint in my eye, "There are times when we're so hot for each other that we just rip each other's clothes off and fuck our brains out. That's fun too. As for what it feels like, it's hard to explain. If you really want to know, you and Whittaker will have to have a go at it some night."

"I'm game," Whittaker said. He reached over and wrapped Jensen up in a headlock then planted a sloppy wet kiss on his cheek. "How about tonight?"

Jensen squirmed free and wiped the slobbery kiss off on the sleeve of his t-shirt. "Gross!" Jensen said.

"Why Whittaker, I'm surprised at you," I said. "I thought you were totally straight. D'ya got a little bi-sexual side going on in there?"

"Nah, I'm what you call a tri-sexual."

"Tri-sexual? There's no such thing," Jensen said with a little disgust still wiping at his cheek.

"Sure there is," Whittaker insisted, "If it's sexual, I'm willing to TRY it." He laughed in his awkward, boisterous way and I had to laugh along. Jensen laughed too while shaking his head at us.

The first Saturday in February, I came back from running in the morning with Whittaker to find Steve out of bed and sitting at the desk in just his boxers working on my computer. I walked up behind him and covered his eyes, "Guess who?"

"Hmmm, Justin Bieber?" Steve joked. That made me laugh.

"No silly, it's me." I pulled him away from the computer desk and sat on his lap. I kissed him.

"Even better," he said, kissing me back. "How was your run?"

"Good. It would be better running with you. But I can see how you got addicted to it. It's hard to get started and to keep going, but it feels so good when you finish."

"I miss it. I wish I could join you guys. I just can't find time. My prof's are really piling it on right now."

"I still think you should have dropped some credits. You're killing yourself."

"I'm fine. I just have to really manage my time carefully."

"If you say so. It sucks for our together time, though. Even when we are here together, it seems like I'm alone. You're always so wrapped up in your studies and unable to focus on anything else."

"I know," Steve apologized. "I'm sorry."

"I am impressed with your work ethic. But all work and no play makes Steve a dull boy."

"Speaking of which, I need to get this project for English done. I need to have a thesis and outline done by Monday."

"Ugghh. See what I mean? Dull, dull, dull. C'mon, let's go shower and then come back and make some crazy passionate love."

He paused and I sensed his hesitancy. He was torn. He glanced past me at the computer screen and I sort of lost it. "Fine! Just study. I don't care anyway. I'll go hang out with Jensen and Whittaker." I pushed off his lap and grabbed my towel.

"Wait!" Steve called, "Don't get mad. I just ..." I didn't hear whatever he said because I pulled the door shut hard behind me as I stomped my way down the hall to the showers.

Whittaker was just stripping out of his running clothes and stood naked feeling the water temperature as I stomped in. "What's up with you?" He asked.

"Nothing!" I shot back.

"Uh-oh. Lover's quarrel?" he smirked.

"No. No quarrel. Steve got his way and I let him have it. I don't know why he wouldn't listen to me when I told him he was overdoing it on the credits." I stared at Whittaker's naked body and his long dick and longed for some emotionally charged sex with my Steve.

"Yeah, he's crazy," Whittaker agreed as he climbed in and pulled the shower curtain closed.

I got naked and climbed in my own shower. I took care of my shower business quickly and tried to finish up with a quick jerk. It had been well over a month since I'd needed to jackoff in the shower since Steve and I had become sexually active together.

All I managed to do by jerking my dick was to get angrier over the loss of attention from Steve. I had to practically force a release by jacking myself so hard and furious that it was actually painful. As the cum escaped from my complaining dick, I leaned against the shower stall, clutching my oozing dick and started to cry. "Fuck!" I muttered. It was a completely unsatisfying experience. I directed the shower nozzle to where I'd spilled my cum to rinse it away down the drain. I watched it swirl and disappear down the chrome grating. Then I shut off the water and dried off. Whittaker was already gone. I shuffled back to the room with just my towel around my waist.

When I entered our dorm room, Steve pushed away from the desk and walked over to me. He reached out to wrap his arms around me and I tensed up. He took me in his arms and apologized. "Look, I'm sorry," he said. "How about if I take a ten minute break and let you fuck me. Would that make you happy?"

I shoved him away in a flash of anger and he tripped backwards against the desk chair. "Just fuck yourself! Wow!" I said. "You really think I just need to shoot a load? What would make me happy is to spend some time with you without a fucking stopwatch running."

He righted himself and looked stunned. "I - I - I didn't mean it like that. It's just ... I just have so much fucking homework to do. I need you to understand that I'm doing this for my future so I can make something out of my life."

"For your future? What about our future? Do we have a future? What are we doing together, Steve? Are we a couple or are we not?"

"Of course we are. I've told you, I love you," he said rubbing his wrist.

"It doesn't feel like it. Not like it did. I wish you would have listened to me about dropping some credits."

His lip started quivering and he swallowed hard. "I know. I agree. I should have, but it's too late now. We just have to get through it. I hate it; I hate feeling like I can't get everything done. I hate feeling like I'm letting my professors down and like I'm letting you down." He moved toward me, stopped and pulled his boxers off. "C'mon, let's take some time and play together. I promise, no stopwatch."

I put my hand out and stopped him. "No thanks. I took care of my needs in the shower. Maybe another time when you don't need to study - like next semester maybe." I grabbed my closet door and jerked it open. I pulled out a clean pair of boxers, jeans and a shirt. I pulled them on and grabbed my shoes and socks. I walked out ignoring his pleas for me to come back and talk it over. I was in no mood for it. I went to the commons and put my shoes and socks on. Whittaker walked by and saw me and asked if I wanted to go with a group of guys down to the bowling alley and bowl a few games and then play some pool. I jumped at the chance and joined the group. It was fun and helped me take my mind off Steve. We laughed and joked like college guys do and shared in good natured ribbing when one of us guttered or tossed it down the middle of a split. I chose a heavy bowling ball and heaved it at the pins to help get my aggression out. It was kind of therapeutic watching it smash into them. My arm was a little sore from it, but I didn't mind. Afterward, Whittaker and I went to dinner together at the cafeteria and I was a little disappointed that Steve wasn't there. I supposed he was still studying somewhere even though the library closed early on Saturday.

I was able to have a good conversation with Whittaker and he opened up to me. He shared his frustration with his family and how he felt like he wasn't really loved that much by his parents. He shared his philosophy on life that there was no real meaning to it and that we just lived until we died and then that was it. "Poof! Lights out," as he put it. He believed in being a good world citizen and in being kind to other people just for the sake of kindness itself and not because some imaginary God wanted him to be that way. It was interesting to get a peek into his somewhat fragile soul. I could tell that the jokester image was a bit of a facade and that he had a real vulnerable side.

He listened carefully and was totally sympathetic as I shared my frustration with how my relationship with Steve had been going. We reminisced about the New Year's trip and laughed at the Boy Scout's panic stricken face when Whittaker charged out of the water and also about my plight in getting locked out of the room naked. Whittaker and I walked back to the dorms together after dinner and I walked in to find my dorm room dark and empty. I wondered where Steve had found to study since the library had been closed for a while. I was surprised he wasn't at the desk using my computer. I just got undressed and crawled into bed.

I fought off the tears, tossing and turning and pounding on my pillow. Finally, I got up and put my boxers and some shorts on. I walked down to the commons room and looked for him. I checked the other floors as well. No Steve. I went back to our room and crawled back into bed. I was worried sick. My mind started coming up with all kinds of horrible things that might have happened to him. I would never forgive myself if he was lying dead somewhere and the last words I'd had with him were in anger. Tears stained my pillow until the lock clattered and Steve crept in carefully shutting the door behind him. I breathed a sigh of relief and then I let him have it with both barrels as my dad liked to say.

##*

Every relationship has its highs and its lows. Watch for the next chapter to see how this plays out between Shane and Steve.

Comments welcome at h.schreiber@hushmail.com Thanks to my editors, Flip and Paul.