Well, this is the first segment in a (hopefully) continuing series. This is also my very first time writing a story for Nifty. It's something that I've considered doing for a long time now, but I've never been able to work up enough courage (or have enough time to actually write a story) until now. I need to give enormous and eternally grateful thanks to both Jeff (whose story "Twist of Fate" is absolutely wonderful... if you haven't read it yet, stop reading my pathetic excuse of a story and go read his) and Matt (ditto for his "Search and Rescue"). Without their kind words of encouragement, I would never have had the nerve to actually do this. Actually, I'm still kind of nervous about the whole thing, so any comments (including criticism... don't worry about hurting my feelings... I won't hold it against you... for long... heehee) would be greatly appreciated. Feel free to email me at sethdropspants@hotmail.com (the address is a long story, but I'll gladly share it with you if you wanna know its origins). Even if you don't wanna talk about the story, I'm pretty lonely, so I'll talk to anyone... heehee.
Umm... just so you guys know, the beginning of this story takes place a couple months ago, let's say around November of '99... I'm gonna try my damndest to get the story up to the present as fast as possible, but we'll see...
Ok, now for the disclaimers: If you're under 18, you aren't supposed to be reading this. I won't tell if you don't (I think it's a pretty dumb law anyway... there isn't even any "action" in this chapter, but oh well.) If you're offended by homosexual material... boy, did you make a wrong turn at nazi.com.
Don't worry, we're almost to the actual story... one last thing... this story is fiction. FICTION! I mention a lot of bands in here, but none of this crap really happened, except in the warped little place I like to call my mind. This story doesn't mean to imply that anyone in NSYNC is gay, has ever met anyone who is gay, or even knows what the word "gay" means.
Well, I guess that's about it. I hope you guys enjoy the story.
Most days I didn't even think about Shane, about what I had gone through, or, more accurately, what he had put me through. So most of my days passed pretty uneventfully, still lacking the love that I had thought I had already found. On occasion, however, I would see something that would remind me of him, hear a song that had meant "something" to us and I would break down a little again. The ridiculous part of this was that it had been over a year since Shane had left me for good. I kept telling myself that I should be over him by now, that he had done nothing but hurt and use me. I couldn't understand why I was still having so many problems over such an asshole. My best friend Aaron, who had gone above and beyond the call of duty during my "recovery" period, kept telling me that there was no specific schedule for this sort of thing; that it would become easier as more time passed.
I don't know why I'm such a sensitive person in terms of love, I just am. I guess that I still cling to this notion of "true love" and "pure romance." It was always my dream, ever since admitting to myself that I was gay, that I would find this fantastic guy who would love me unconditionally, and I him. The thing was though, that I thought that I had found that in Shane. And at first, it seemed that I was right. He said all the right things, told me that he loved me, waited for me when I didn't wanna screw, or as I thought of it, "make love," right off the bat. He was just so damn sweet. We had met the day after my 19th birthday. He was my first kiss, my first love, my first "intimate" moment, in that order.
Almost a year to the day after we had met, I came home to find a note from Shane, explaining why, should I check the closets, all his stuff would be gone. The note basically stated that he had never loved me, that he had just thought he had, and that he couldn't be around me any longer. Needless to say, I was pretty damn crushed. I went through a rather intense "what did I do wrong?" period, complete with a rather half-assed suicide attempt. (It basically entailed me chasing a bottle of aspirin with a bottle of vodka and then calling Aaron and telling him what I had just done... a rather dumb approach to killing one's self, if you want my opinion.) And, just as I was reaching some semblance of a normal life again, he came back. Shane actually had the nerve to come back and beg for my forgiveness.
He told me that he did love me, that he had just been scared. He cried and begged and begged and cried. And I, still clinging to that whole "true love" thing, took him back. Everyone told me not to, repeatedly. But I didn't listen. I was sure that he was finally telling me the truth, that he was now being honest with me. This time, at least, he had the decency to split again after only three months. The funny thing was that he did it in the exact same manner as he had before. I mean, he could have at least been original about it.
All of my friends were worried that I would try and do something drastic again. For the first week or two, they made sure that someone was around me at all times. I appreciated it, but they really didn't need to worry about that. This time, instead of mourning for myself and going through another cycle of self-pity, I mourned for the love that I had lost. A fine line there, to be sure, but it does exist. The strangest part was that I wasn't really depressed. You would think that I would be, seeing that I had given two years of my life to such a prick. But I wasn't. I was just sad. I cried plenty.
I still do. But that wasn't necessarily a bad thing.
At least that's what I keep telling myself. I mean, I had loved him, and he had hurt me. Twice. I was allowed to feel bad. So I did, but not nearly as constantly as I had earlier. The one thing that scared me more than anything else, however, was the thought that the whole Shane experience had jaded me in terms of love. Of course I still wanted a true love and all... but I no longer expected it. And, if by some miracle I found it, I don't know how I would react to it. And this thought, more than anything else, frightens me.
I rolled out of bed, managing to smash my alarm clock and keep stumbling towards the bathroom in one swift, fairly impressive (especially considering how out of it I am in the morning) motion. Today was going to be an interesting day, and I was fairly eager, or as eager I could be at the ungodly hour of 9 in the morning, to see how it would turn out. (If I had my way, I wouldn't crawl out of bed until at least noon.) Before I get any further, let me explain my story. Over the past few years, I've made a name for myself as one of the "premier" record producers in the business. I don't think that I'm anything that special, but others evidently do: I've produced stuff for the Foo Fighters, Rage Against the Machine, NOFX, Blink 182, and even worked with Trent Reznor on the new Nine Inch Nails c.d. The only reason why I've gotten the opportunity to prove myself at such a young age (I'm soon to turn 23) is because of Tom.
I met Tom while I was playing in some really bad punk band. He had come, for god only knows what reason, to see my band play, and even though we sucked ass, he stayed to talk to me. We hit it off quickly, and during our conversation I mentioned that I was interested in producing. Well, unbeknownst to me, Tom was some kind of big deal in the music industry, and had a lot of friends in high places. He decided that, since he liked me so much, he would help to move along my producing career. He started me off slowly, working with various local bands, and gradually moved me up the scale. People seem to like what I've been doing, so, at this point in my life, I'm pretty in demand. And it's all because of Tom, who, in addition to jumpstarting my career and becoming a father figure to me, has become one of my closest friends.
It's that last part that's gotten me into today's situation. You see, through some strange twist in life, Tom has started to work with NSYNC as they moved under the Jive label.
NSYNC, it seems, has made the rather untimely decision to redo most of their upcoming album in favor of something "different." Tom, being the odd man he can be sometimes, asked me, as a personal favor, to meet with them and discuss the possibility of me working with them. And so, as a result of all that nonsense, I am about to meet NSYNC, for the purposes of doing something "different," a situation not entirely lost on my sense of humor.
I'm gonna be completely honest: I am not a big fan of NSYNC's music. I have nothing against them as a band or as people, but their kind of music just really isn't my thing. I mean, I like some stuff: like I thought that the Backstreet Boys' "All I Have to Give" was a great little pop song, and even NSYNC's "Drive Myself Crazy" wasn't horrible. But I would never sit down and listen to a whole album's worth. (In the interest of fairness, let me explain what I think of today's music scene: it sucks. I actually hate the rap-metal shit like Limp Bizkit and Kid Rock more than the "boy band" stuff. My thing is punk, good alt-rock, like the Foo Fighters, Radiohead, or Dave Matthews, and yeah, even some pop, but stuff like Fountains of Wayne or the Manic Street Preachers.)
But anyway, the reason why I was up so early (at least for me) is that Tom's supposed to bring the band over to my place (I produce everything at the studio in my home) to have them help him beg me to do this. (I don't mean to sound conceited but, and no offense to NSYNC fans, it would kinda be a tiny step down for me to produce their c.d. I mean, as much as you like NSYNC, you would have to admit that they would never top a list of the greatest bands of all time. I mean, six months ago, i was in New Orleans, going over tracks with Trent Reznor... and now... NSYNC? Truth be told, the only reasons why I was really considering this were because of Tom and because I thought it might make an interesting challenge.) I was, in a strange way, looking forward to meeting the guys, because if I didn't like them or didn't wanna produce their c.d., I could at least fuck with their minds, one of my favorite pastimes.
I finished in the bathroom and headed downstairs to make some coffee, glancing at my watch on the way down. I had about 15 minutes until they were due to arrive. I rummaged through my kitchen, looking for some form of instant coffee, before deciding that I must not have any. I'm not a big coffee drinker, so I usually don't buy it, but I thought that I had some somewhere.
I'm wrong a lot. Seeing as I had nothing to do, I decided to make the most of my time and have an early morning cigarette.
I stepped outside (I don't really like to smoke indoors... the smoke just kinda clings to you then) and immediately wished that I had worn something other than a T-shirt. The winters aren't really bad in Chapel Hill, North Carolina (where I've lived for around 10 years) but it was cold enough for my tastes. As I lit up, I once again wished that I had never started smoking in the first place. I don't smoke a lot, just usually 6-7 a day (that's cigarettes, not packs), but I had been doing it for 5 years, off and on. Every time it seemed like I had quit for good, I started it back up again.
Of course, Murphy's law being what it is, as soon as I had taken my first drag, Tom pulled up in his van. I hated meeting people while smoking; I always felt like it gave them a bad impression of me, like I was some sort of drug-addicted weirdo. I know that that's not an entirely rational thought, but I never said that I was a rational person. I briefly contemplated putting out the cigarette, but whatever part of me that's addicted to nicotine nixed that idea pretty damn quickly.
I saw Tom climb out of the car and head towards me. "Hey jackass, I thought you quit!" That was his idea of a warm greeting.
"I did. Then I started again. And don't call me jackass, bitch."
Tom just laughed and pulled me into a hug. "So how're you doing?"
"Not bad, considering how utterly pathetic my life is. How 'bout you? And more importantly, how are Melissa and Jen?" Melissa was Tom's wife, who, if Tom was like a father to me, was at least an aunt. Jen was his 15-year-old daughter, who happened to have an enormous crush on me. None of us had the heart to tell her that I was gay.
"We're doing well. Enjoying Orlando a lot."
"I'm glad to hear that. But of course, Orlando does have at least one bad attribute."
"And what's that?"
I laughed. "No me!"
"I thought you said bad attribute?" We both laughed pretty hard at that. Tom seemed to enjoy picking on me, but I was used to it by now. It was just one of the things that you had to learn to accept about him. But it was all done in fun. I knew that if I ever needed Tom, he would drop everything to help me. It was a nice feeling.
I glanced behind Tom and noticed that the guys had slowly made their way over to us. They looked somewhat uncomfortable, so I decided to break the ice. "So Tom, I'm honored that you'd see fit to bring pop superstars over to my house. I mean, wow! The Backstreet Boys, in my very own home!" I glanced over at they guys, who all seemed utterly shocked by my comment. I wondered if I had hit a sore spot, so I looked over at Tom, who was fighting a losing battle with his laughter. When he finally broke down, the other guys seemed to realize that I was joking, and kinda half-laughed, more out of politeness than anything else. This did not look promising.
Tom must have noticed the palpable discomfort, and seized upon the opportunity to make the introductions. "OK... umm... Toby, I'd like to introduce you to Lance, Josh, Justin, Chris, and Joey. Guys, this is my good friend and all-around musical genius Toby."
I blushed at his last comment. I hated it when he said that, and he knew it. I didn't consider myself anywhere close to a "musical genius." I just knew what I liked, and helped other bands put it on tape. "Nice to meet you guys. Tom's told me a lot about you."
Josh extended his hand. "Including our name?" he asked with a sly grin.
I laughed. "Well, I think that might have slipped his mind. His memory must be going in his old age."
For that comment, I earned a punch on the arm from Tom. "Hey, I may be old, but I could still kick your ass, little man!" Tom's comment seemed to do what I was desperately trying to (break the ice) and everyone busted out laughing.
I invited the guys inside and asked them if they wanted anything to drink. Of course, the most commonly requested drink was coffee. I walked into the kitchen and grabbed 6 cokes, deciding that one form of caffeine was as good as any other. As I walked back into my living room, I heard a round of groans.
Chris was the first to form an actual statement. "What, no coffee?"
I laughed. "Sorry guys, this is the closest thing you're gonna get here. However, if you really need it, there's a great coffee shop about 3 miles from here."
Justin perked up at that. "Really?"
I smiled inwardly, knowing that he had just fallen for my trap. "Yep, so if you wanna make it there before lunch, I suggest you start walking now." He just looked at me for a second, comprehending what I had said. Finally, it sunk in and he started to laugh. The other guys soon followed.
I distributed the sodas and sat next to Tom on one of the couches. We stared at each other for a few moments, before I finally got tired and just started to talk. One thing that I really hate is when you're sitting around with people and you're supposed to talk about something, but no one talks because no one wants to be the first to say something. It annoys the crap out of me. "So let's get right to the point, I guess. Why do you guys think that I can help you?"
The guys looked at each other, seemingly shocked that I was so blunt. They'll get used to that. Lance spoke up first. "Well, honestly, we didn't even know who you were until Tom mentioned you."
"But then he told us about everything you had done, so of course we were interested," added Josh.
I just stared at them. That wasn't what I was looking for. "No, I mean, and I hope you don't get offended by this, but you don't need me. Pretty much anyone could produce an NSYNC c.d." As soon as I said that, I knew that it was a little harsh and waaaay to blunt. The guys winced, but Josh looked angry.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"
I looked over at Tom for help. Seeing none forthcoming, I tried to explain myself a little more. "Look, that sounded a lot worse than I meant. I mean, it's just that, well, shit... I don't know... I apologize. I really have nothing against you guys. But I'm gonna be honest. I don't think that it's great music."
Joey entered the conversation for the first time, and tried to play peacemaker. "Look, we don't kid ourselves into thinking that it's great music either. And that's why we're coming to you. We were all set to release "No Strings Attached" as it was, but then we realized that this was a new chance for us."
Lance interrupted him before he could get any further. "We could continue to put out the music we do now for however long the teen craze goes on for, and then fade away into oblivion. Or, we could start to gradually move away from that and move towards, I don't know, a real career."
I could tell by the looks on their faces that this was a serious topic for the five of them. And I could see where they were coming from. I mean, it's nice to make a lot of money in the span of 2 years or so, but then what? Wait for the next big teen pop boom? It took ten years or so after New Kids On the Block. I was actually starting to become somewhat interested in this project... if i could pull it off, i could prove something to all of those people who don't wanna work with me because they think i'm "too young" or not experienced enough. "So tell me. What do you guys wanna do, exactly?"
Chris answered this. "Well, we don't really know. We're kind of interested in moving away from 'bubblegum' pop and going towards more of a rock-pop kinda thing."
This confused me a little, because I didn't quite get what he meant. "Well, what sort of rock-pop hybrid are you talking about? Like, oh I don't know... umm... something like Sugar Ray?"
Justin shook his head quickly. "Naw... we were thinking of something more like the Fountains of Wayne. Have you heard them?"
I laughed. "Yeah. Chris Collingwood, the lead singer, is a good friend of mine."
"So you have an idea of what we'd like to do?"
"Yeah, I think so." I couldn't resist my next question, however. "But aren't you afraid of losing your heartthrob statuses?"
The guys laughed. "I think we'd be able to manage," chuckled Joey.
Lance again interjected. "So Toby... what do you think?"
Well, this is it. The moment of truth. As the Clash put it, "Should I stay or should I go?" I glanced at Tom, who gave me an odd look. "What does that mean?"
"Nothing. Just say yes already so we can grab some lunch."
"What makes you think that I'm gonna say yes? I don't think you know me that well."
Tom laughed. "Bullshit. When you decided to drop out of college, who had predicted that you would do so a month before you actually did it?"
"Well, you, but I think you put the idea..."
"And when you decided to build the studio, who had already sent you the names of some contractors?"
"You."
"And when you had a crush on that..."
"OK! I think that's enough! I admit it! You know me better than I know myself. I bow to your greatness!"
Tom cracked up. "So is that a yes?"
"Fine dammit, I'll do it!" I was laughing too, but only partly out of Tom's ridiculousness. The portion of my brain that recognizes irony had kicked in, as I realized that I was soon to begin working with... (insert ominous music here)... a "BOY BAND!" This was truly the last job I ever had expected to have. I turned to face the guys and saw them all smiling at me.
Lance, as seemed to be standard practice, spoke up first. "That's so excellent Toby. I think that I can speak for the guys when I say that we're really excited to be working with you." He gave me another smile. Damn. He was kinda cute when he smiled. Ok Tobe, push that thought out of your mind. Besides... he's probably not even gay. "So... when do you wanna start?"
Justin turned to Lance. "Whoa... slow down boy. Don't we have to call someone to let them know we're gonna be workin' with Toby?"
Lance slapped his forehead. "Yeah, that was kinda stupid of me. Tom, can you take care of that... and get the contract worked out?"
Tom nodded. "Yeah, no problemo." He turned to me. "Standard contract?"
I smiled. He really did know me too well. It was almost scary. "You know it."
"Alright. I'll get the stuff faxed here by morning so we can start almost immediately. That cool with you guys?" They nodded. "How 'bout you Tobe?"
"I guess that would be good. How long are we looking at in the studio?"
"I suppose that would be up to the guys... and you... what do you think?" I'm pretty sure that he wasn't asking me the question, so I decided (for once) to keep my big mouth shut. Sure enough, Chris soon spoke up.
"Well, honestly, we're willing to go for as long as it takes. So I guess it'll be until we have perfection or until Toby throws us out!" He laughed.
Tom spoke up again. "What do you think Tobe?"
"Well, I have absolutely nothing on my schedule, so sounds good to me."
Justin smiled at me. "Throwing us out?" Damn. He was kinda cute when he smiled. Ok Tobe, push that thought out of your mind. Besides... he's probably not even gay.
I quickly snapped out of my stupor and laughed. "Well, not what I meant, but that sounds good too." The guys laughed. I was glad that I was starting to feel pretty comfortable around them. That would be necessary if I was working with them. I dropped the smile off my face and yelled, rather harshly, "You heard me! Everyone get the hell out of my house! Out!" I stood up and pointed at the door. Everyone's mouth (well, everyone but Tom's) dropped open.
Joey said, rather timidly, "Are you serious?"
I stood there for a second, making them sweat. Finally, I smiled. "Of course. It's past twelve and I'm hungry as hell. Who wants lunch?" Everyone looked at me for what seemed like an eternity, before deciding to laugh. I laughed too, somewhat relieved. A lot of people don't know how to take me. The guys stood up and started heading for the front door.
"Did anyone ever tell you that you're a pretty weird guy?" Lance asked as he passed by me.
I smiled again. "All the time. But I'm so damn cute that they look past that." He laughed and kept walking.
Tom was the last one out the door. "So, where are you thinkin' for lunch?"
I paused to consider the question. "Well, I don't know. I never thought I'd be taking five pop superstars out to lunch. I haven't really given it much thought. Ummm..."
"Toby? Hello? People are hungry here. Make a decision."
I smiled at him. "Shut up bitch." As the guys had already piled into Tom's van, I turned my direction to there. "What do you guys think about pizza?"
Justin stuck his head out. "Whatever's cool. We'll eat anything!"
Joey shoved his head under Justin's. "And everything!"
Tom and I both laughed. He started walking to his car. "Pepper's?" he asked, without even turning to look at me. Damn... how does he do that?
"Of course. I'll meet you there." Pepper's was, in my opinion, the best place to go in Chapel Hill with "newcomers." It was located right next to the college and just reeked of the area.
On the drive over I began to rewind the morning's events. The guys seemed really nice. Chris, Justin, and Joey all seemed to have great senses of humor. Lance seemed to be a little uptight, but I could work on that. I love corrupting people. And Josh... well, I don't really know what to make of Josh. Going back over the events of the morning in my head, I realized he didn't say anything after I had, somewhat inadvertently, made fun of their music. He must be mad at me. Shit. Now I feel guilty. And like a jackass. I made a mental note to apologize to him, and the group, as soon as it was appropriate.
I got to Pepper's before they did (living here has some advantages... I knew all the quick routes.) So, while waiting, I once again turned to my old standby: smoking. And, once again, as soon as I lit the damn thing, they showed up.
"You know, you really shouldn't so that. It's bad for you." Justin told me, seeming to be rather disappointed at my actions.
I threw my hands up in mock exasperation. "Oh God, not another one!" They laughed.
Tom turned to the guys. "I've been telling him for three years, as long as I've known him, that he shouldn't be doing that. But does he listen? Noooo!"
I decided I had to defend myself. "Hey, I quit!"
"What? At least twenty times!"
"So? At least I'm trying."
"Well, try harder. Now finish the damn thing so we can eat. I'm hungry and it's cold." Everyone else echoed Tom's sentiments.
"Fine, fine. I know when I've been beat." I took one last drag and threw it on the ground.
Joey spoke up. "And now you're littering! Does the delinquency ever stop?" We all laughed.
"Ha ha. Very funny." I opened the door. "Now get your asses inside. I'm freezing!" This set them off again. I don't know why the thought of me freezing to death was so damn funny.
Lunch, as it turned out, was quite enjoyable. I was really starting to get along well with the guys, although every time I tried to speak to Josh he avoided looking me in the eye. I think that the other guys noticed it too, because I saw both Justin and Lance whisper something to him after he blew me off for the umpteenth time. But other than that, I was starting to feel like I was becoming friends with the guys, and I knew that Tom was quite pleased with himself for "setting us up" like that. We stayed at Pepper's for quite some time, which suited me fine, seeing as our waiter, who was cute as hell, was flirting with me. Tom noticed this too and raised an eyebrow at me, as if to say, "What the hell are you doing? It doesn't look very professional if you pick up a guy in front of co-workers who you just met! Quit thinking with your penis!" Ok, so one eyebrow can't say all that, but I've known Tom for a long time, and I knew what he was trying to say. I sighed and nodded at him, showing him that I understood.
When we finally decided to leave, I grabbed for the check, but Lance was too quick for me. "Sorry Toby, this one's on us."
I just shook my head. "Lance, you guys are my guests in my town. Therefore, my treat. You can't fight it. It's the law." He laughed at this, but I knew he wasn't going to give up that easily.
"Then you better call the cops, cause there's no way that I'm letting you walk out that door paying for this meal. Besides," he added with a smile, "you're just a poor record producer and we're rich pop stars."
I chuckled. "Trust me. I think I have enough cash to buy my friends a meal."
Lance started to say something else when Tom interrupted angrily, "Oh, will you two stop it! I'll pay for the damn meal, just to get the two of you to shut up!"
I burst out laughing and everyone else followed soon. "Fine. That's what I had planned all along anyway." Tom just glared at me. "That's for the waiter," I thought. Once again, he seemed to be able to read my mind and smiled.
When we finally got back outside, I tried to think of something to do next.
Unfortunately, my mind was a blank (not an altogether unusual experience for me), so I decided to ask them. "Well guys, I have no idea what to do with you now. Any suggestions?"
Well, that's it for now. I know that I kinda left you guys hanging at an odd spot but 1) the story's really long and I needed to stop sometime and b) for what's coming up, this seemed to be the best place to end it. I'll try to get the next chapter out as soon as humanly possible, but that means nothing when it's coming from me. I have a horrible tendency to procrastinate, but I'm really gonna try to be good about this. I know how much it sucks when you get into a story and then have to wait three months until the new segment. So I'll see what I can do. (Not that I'm implying that anyone would actually be interested in my story enough to wanna read a new chapter, but I just thought I'd let you guys know.) Again, any and all comments would be greatly appreciated. The only way I'm gonna know if I'm doing something wrong (or right) is if you tell me. So email me! I'm pretty friendly... and damn cute too... heehee. Seriously though, comments are certainly welcomed at sethdropspants@hotmail.com. I do know that NSYNC is still coming out with their cd in March, and my guess is that it'll be a lot like their first one, so if that's going to be the basis of your email, don't bother. They call it fiction for a reason... but if you just wanna talk, by all means, email me... until next time...