Hello... yep, it's me again, back with another installment (if anyone out there really cares). Ok, I have a bunch of things that I need to say about this chapter, so let me get right into it. First, in this chapter, Toby discusses his religious beliefs. I really hope this doesn't offend you guys. I know that I dislike it when I think that I'm being preached to, so I hope that you don't think that's what I'm doing, because I'm really not. I just needed a serious topic for the characters to discuss, and it fit... looking back over it, it seems to me that it reveals a lot about Toby as a person, so maybe it's a good thing.
Either way, if you don't wanna read it, then don't. In that case, just skip over it. Second, I tried to avoid it for as long as humanly possible, but I was forced to do it in this chapter: write in the 3rd person. I really didn't want to (besides, the story's supposed to be from Toby's p-o-v anyway) but I felt it was a necessary thing. I think you'll see why. Also, I don't think I write very well when I'm using the 3rd person, so for that, I apologize in advance. Ok, I think that's about it, so let me get to the thank you's.
Well, what can I say about Jeff? Ridiculous amounts of support, an incredible person,... the best friend i've made in a long time (how sweet is that?). Go read "Twist of Fate"... you will not be disappointed. Thanks also to Braan, author of "Some Kind of Bliss"... a kickass story, and a kickass guy. Also, thanks to the other Jeff, Alex, Jason (go read "JC & Jas"... great story), Matt (author of the incredible "Search & Rescue"), Arlette, Clive, John, Adam, hmmm... am I forgetting anyone? Probably... oh well.
Disclaimer Time! If you're under 18, I don't think you should read this. I use some big words that you might not understand :). If you're offended by homosexuals, why in the hell have you gotten this far?
This story does not mean to imply that anyone in NSYNC is gay... at all. No sirree... won't find any implications here. You know what happens when you imply, right? You make an ass out of "u" and... oh wait... that's what happens when you assume... well... dammit.
On with the story! Oh yeah, wait... definitely, whether you like or hate the story, email me about it! sethdropspants@hotmail.com... a funny email address for a funny guy! (That's my new personal slogan... what do you think?) Now, on with the story!
Justin shook his head. "No, I mean, we don't care. It's cool with us. You're still a really awesome, caring, intelligent, funny person. You're just a really awesome, caring, intelligent, funny person who happens to like guys. No big deal."
Joey laughed. "Couldn't have said it better myself, Curly."
I took a second to take it all in. I eventually decided that if they weren't going to make a big deal out of it, then I shouldn't either. "Ok, cool. I'm sorry if I seemed a little shocked, but you just caught me off guard."
Lance smiled. "No worries."
The next two weeks were like a blur. I had gotten the contracts to sign later that same day and, as soon as we had all put our signatures on them, we went to work. The majority of those two weeks were spent writing songs. The guys had decided that they wanted to author most, if not all, of the songs on the new album. They generally didn't have a problem with the lyrics, but needed some help putting music to their words. I was happy to oblige, as the song-writing process was always one that enthralled me. It was just an incredible feeling to create a song out of nothing. It was like painting a beautiful piece of art or writing a classic novel. My friendships with the guys also strengthened considerably over the course of the two weeks. They were quickly becoming four of my best friends.
The only exception to that was Josh, who had already become one of my best friends, if not my best friend, period. I felt a little guilty thinking that, considering everything Aaron and I had been through, and how great we were as friends, but I couldn't deny what Josh and I had. It was like we were programmed to talk with each other, and joke with each other, and, as often was the case, laugh at each other. We had "deep" conversations, conversations where we talked about nothing, and everything in between.
It was two weeks to the day since I had first met the guys when my birthday rolled around, a fact that I was discussing with Josh and Justin. "So Toby, what are your plans for today, now that you're the big 2-3?" asked Josh.
I shrugged my shoulders. "Nothing, I guess."
Justin looked surprised. "What do you mean nothing? It's your birthday! Aren't your friends throwing you a party or something?"
I shook my head. "Naw... the downside to being a record producer is that all your friends are musicians. Musicians, by law, are never allowed to be home on someone's birthday. So, as a result, none of my friends are here to do anything."
Josh's mouth dropped open. He stood up quickly and started flailing his arms around. For a second, I thought he was gonna hit me or something. "Why didn't you tell us?!? We figured you were gonna have some big bash!"
I just smiled. "Calm down man. It's not that big of a deal... really."
"Bull! It's your birthday!"
I sighed, knowing that I wasn't going to win this argument. "Fine. We'll do something."
Justin leaned forward excitedly. "So??? Whadda ya wanna do?"
I shrugged again.
"Well come on, think of something! It's your birthday!"
I laughed. "You keep saying that like it's some earth-shattering event. Listen, you guys wanna do something for it, fine. Thank you. But I don't care what we do. You choose."
Justin looked at Josh. "Whadda ya think?"
Josh thought for a minute. "I don't know. We could go out for a nice dinner or something."
"Yeah, that's a good idea!"
I interrupted. "Guys, I really don't wanna have to go anywhere. Can't we just stay here?"
Josh looked at me. "You know, for someone who said he didn't care what we did, you sure are picky." I laughed. He turned to Justin again. "How about this? We could go out, rent a bunch of flicks, get a cake, and just have a movie marathon or something?"
Justin nodded his head happily. "That'd be really cool. Oooh... and we could cook a big dinner!"
I was a little worried by that last part. "Do you guys know how to cook?"
Justin paused, as if considering a life-or-death question. "I'm sure that, between the five of us, we could figure something out."
This didn't really raise my confidence level. "Look, the movies, the cake, it all sounds great. But why don't we just order in food for dinner? That wouldn't be nearly as much trouble."
"But it wouldn't be any trouble at all! After all, it's your birthday!"
I thought about it for a second, briefly considering allowing them to cook a meal. Images of fire trucks and smoke clouded my head, and I knew I had to do anything to prevent that from happening. "Would you quit saying that?!? I know it's my damn birthday! I've been celebrating it a lot longer than you have," I laughed. I decided to play the one card that I knew would get Josh on my side. "But... if we ordered in... we could get Chinese." I glanced over at Josh and saw a smile growing. Justin just sighed, knowing that he was outvoted.
"Fine," he said. "You win."
"Score!" I shouted, raising my hands above my head like I had just won the Super Bowl. Justin shook his head and chuckled.
We decided to just call the other guys on their cell phone and tell them to pick up the movies and cake, since they were already out, shopping at the mall. I ordered Justin to tell them to only rent stupid movies, as there was no way in hell that I wanted to get depressed on my birthday. He nodded, gave them the instructions, and hung up. He asked me for the number of a good Chinese place, and I told him that I was perfectly capable of ordering the food myself. He lifted his eyebrows, as if to tell me "There's no way in hell you're touching this phone!" I sighed and found him a menu. Pleased with himself, he immersed himself in deciding what to order. I headed back in to the living room and crashed on a couch.
"What are you so tired for?" Josh asked. "You sleep like 12 hours a day!"
I laughed. "Oh, like you're one to talk!"
"Hey! I'm not nearly as bad as you!"
"Sure... whatever you wanna think," I teased.
"Well, it's true, and that's that," he said, effectively ending the argument. "Seriously, though... what's up? You've been kinda out of it all day."
I sighed. "I don't know. Well... yeah I do. My birthday just takes a lot out of me. Bad memories."
"Do you wanna talk about it?"
I thought about it. I still hadn't told him about Shane, and all that resulted from that situation, and I wasn't really anxious to. But I couldn't tell Josh what was bothering me without mentioning that tomorrow would be the 4th anniversary of my meeting Shane. And that would just open up a whole can of worms that I didn't really wanna get in to right now. I shook my head. "Not right now. Maybe some other time, some other place..."
"In a galaxy far, far away?" he finished for me.
I laughed. "Yeah."
He smiled. "Somehow, I think that I've heard that before." I giggled. "I do wish you would tell me what's up though."
"I will. Someday soon, I promise," I said, hoping that he would leave it at that.
"Ok," he sighed. I knew that he was disappointed, but that he would leave me alone about it for now.
The rest of the guys returned about an hour later, and the food arrived soon after them. They had rented, in keeping with my request, "The Waterboy," "Empire Records," "Hackers," and "Mallrats." We dug into both the food and the films almost immediately. The rest of the night was very low-key, but very enjoyable. We had to pause the movies a couple of times because I kept getting phone calls wishing me a happy birthday, including one from Tom, who insisted that he be allowed to talk to everyone at least twice before I finally got him to hang up.
All in all, I would have to say that it was a great night, and I was glad that Josh and Justin had convinced me to let them do something. That night, for maybe the first time, I could really tell that they cared for me deeply. I was both pleased and touched by their gesture.
After the last movie ended, the guys announced they were hitting the sack. They all wished me a happy birthday one last time before retreating to their rooms. I decided that I was probably tired enough to hit the sack too, so I headed for my room as well.
Of course, by the time that I had finished brushing my teeth and washing my face, I was pretty awake again. Hmm... what to do, what to do... my gaze eventually fell to my laptop, and I decided to answer a couple of emails that I had been neglecting... one of my worst traits, I suppose. When I'm motivated to answer an email, I'll do it... and quickly... but otherwise, weeks can go by. Sighing, I switched on my computer, hooked it up to the phone line, and decided to find some good "email writing" music.
Glancing through my ridiculously large c.d. collection (some people are addicted to crack... my big fault is that I can't stop buying c.d.'s) I tried to decide what I wanted to listen to. Some punk? Might be good after working with a pop band for so long... would get me centered again. A little emo? Maybe... I was always in the mood to listen to the Get Up Kids, one of my favorite bands. Some rock? Ehh... no, not tonight. On the third run through, I decided on Millencollin's "Life on a Plate," a great c.d. by a great Swedish band... they're very poppy, but with enough punk thrown in to satisfy me. I threw it in the c.d. player, and lost myself for an hour or so. It takes me a while to write emails... when I do get around to writing them, I write them long... and I tend to ramble a lot, so that makes 'em even longer.
Finally, content that I had made at least a dent in my unanswered correspondence, I shut the computer down, got up, and stretched. What to do now... what to do now... this time, my gaze fell to a much worse choice, and I groaned... I was never gonna quit smoking. I grabbed my pack and lighter and headed downstairs, deciding at the last minute to grab my coat too... after all, I figured, it's probably cold outside.
On my way outside, I switched off the couple of lights that I had forgotten to turn off earlier, threw my coat on, and off I went... to fill up my lungs with clouds of smoke. A few minutes later, I heard a couple of noises coming from the living room, so I stuck my head inside to investigate. "Hello?" Not wanting to get smoke in the house, I shut the door again, hoping that whoever was inside would get the hint and come outside. Sure enough, a few seconds later I heard footsteps walking towards the front porch, and the door opened.
Josh peeked out, saw me, smiled, and stepped outside. "What are you doing up?"
"When I finally got upstairs and ready for bed, I wasn't tired anymore. How about you?"
He paused to consider the question. "Couldn't sleep, I guess."
I nodded. "I'm sorry."
He laughed. "Not like it's your..." He paused. "Never mind. So... did you have a good evening?"
I smiled at him. "Yeah... I really did. I can't thank you guys enough. It was a great birthday."
"I'm glad," he said, looking very pleased with himself.
I couldn't help but laugh at the ridiculous expression on his face. At first he seemed offended by my laughter, but he soon joined in. "I'm sorry Josh," I said, in between laughs. "You just looked so stupid!"
"Hey! At least I don't look like that all the time, unlike some other people I know," he said, sticking his tongue out at me.
I sniffled and pretended to wipe away a tear. "Just because I can't help it doesn't mean that you have the right to make fun of me." That set us both off again. When we had settled down, we both just sat there in silence for a while, staring out into the sky. It's funny: I usually felt uncomfortable just sitting with someone, not talking. But with Josh I felt completely comfortable. We didn't need to talk all the time and force conversation. Everything just came naturally between us.
After about 15 minutes, he spoke up again. "Hey Tobe?"
"Yeah?"
"Can I ask you a question?"
"You just did," I teased.
He chuckled. "No, I mean, seriously."
"Of course."
"Well, I was just wondering... do you believe in God?"
Oh shit.
He must have seen the look on my face, because he spoke again quickly. "I mean, it's just that we've talked a lot, but never about religion, or any aspect of it. I was just kinda curious. You don't have to answer if you don't want to."
"No, I mean, I'll answer the question, you just kinda caught me off guard. To tell you the truth though, I was a little nervous about having this conversation with you."
"Nervous? Why?"
"Well, I mean, I know that you have a very deep belief in one thing. And I just thought that if I didn't..."
Josh cut me off before I could say anything else. "Toby, listen. I'm not going to stop being your friend because you feel one way or the other. I'm secure enough in my own faith that I can respect other people's beliefs."
I smiled at him. He always knew how to make me feel better. "Ok, then. Me and religion is a long and complicated thing." Josh just nodded, waiting for me to go on. "I'm inclined to say that yes, I do believe in God, but not in any organized religion kind of way."
"What do you mean?"
I sighed and continued. "Well, the biggest problem that I had with the 'major religions' was the whole 'burning in Hell because I'm gay' thing. I couldn't fathom that God would have made me this way, and I do firmly believe that I was born gay, and then condemn me to a life in Hell because of it."
Josh nodded again. "I understand what you mean."
What did he just say?!? He couldn't have meant it like that... could he? I tried to push the thought out of my mind and moved on. "That was one of the main things that I struggled with when I was coming to terms with being gay. I kept thinking, 'what about God?' 'What does He think?' When I eventually admitted to myself that I was gay, I couldn't believe that I was going to Hell because of it. I mean, isn't Hell supposed to be for truly bad people? And I really wouldn't consider myself that. I don't feel evil, and I really don't think that I am, with the possible exception of when I don't get enough sleep."
I expected Josh to at least smile at that, but he didn't. He just kept staring at me, with the same expression on his face. I decided to continue. "So, as a result, I decided to go 'shopping' for a new religion. I was always interested in learning more about Buddhism, so I researched it a lot, and I found that I liked a great deal of what the religious doctrines said."
Josh looked surprised. "So you're Buddhist?"
I smiled. "Let me finish. As I said, I liked a lot of the stuff. A lot of it is about equality and inner peace. But there was just some stuff that I couldn't buy into."
"Like what?"
"Like Buddhists don't believe in any form of higher power, with the exception of knowledge. And Buddhists don't believe that people have a soul. That was probably the thing that I have the most trouble accepting. Maybe it's because I've been raised in a country where the notion of a soul has been repeatedly drilled into my head, but I just can't believe that humans don't have one. So, as a result of all that, I was pretty much stuck right back where I started."
"So now I'm confused... what exactly is it that you believe?"
I laughed. "I'm getting there. Patience, young grasshopper," I said with a smile and a pretty crappy accent. Josh laughed, and I continued. "I do believe in God. And I think that I do believe in some form of an afterlife, whether it's Heaven and Hell or whatever. But if it is Heaven and Hell, I have to believe that it's not just one thing that determines which direction you go in. It's not just being gay, or swearing, or whatever... it can't be. I couldn't imagine God being that vengeful and, quite frankly, if He is, I'd rather be in Hell. I just think that if you're a basically good person, and don't ask me what a basically good person is, because I can't answer that, you should be able to get into Heaven. So basically, while I do believe in God, I don't follow the teachings of the Bible. I can't. To me, true belief, no matter what you believe in, comes from within yourself."
Josh stared at me for a minute, comprehending everything I had said. "Wow. So you do have a belief, but because it's not something that was just drilled into your head, it means much more to you, right?"
"Yeah, I guess."
He smiled at me again. "That's really cool. I can't believe you thought I wasn't gonna like what you said. Don't you have more faith in me?"
I chuckled. "Ok, ok... next time I'll just tell ya. Now, on that note, I'm going to bed. You wore me out, young grasshopper."
He laughed and started inside and upstairs. When we reached Josh's room, he pulled me into a hug. "Thanks for telling me all that. I really appreciate it."
"Hey, no problemo. Anytime I get to talk about me is all good," I laughed.
"Alright, I'm gonna go to sleep. Happy Birthday Tobe."
"Thanks Josh. I'll see you tomorrow."
"You bet. 'Night."
"'Night."
I slowly started down the hallway, thinking about the night's events. Josh had been so great, first conspiring with Justin to plan a last-minute party, then listening, really listening, to me talk about my beliefs. It had been such a long time since I had had someone I felt could talk to about this sort of thing. It was just an incredible feeling, knowing Josh was there for me. I had just reached my bedroom when it hit me. And, as overused as the expression is, it hit me like a ton of bricks. All at once, I got it. I understood what the hell was going on.
FUCK!!!!!!
Fuck fuck fuck!!!!! I was falling for him... I WAS FALLING FOR HIM! FUCK!
I turned around suddenly, looking back in the direction of Josh's door. It was already closed. How did this happen? How did I let myself start to have "feeings" for him? Fuck! I found this great guy, who listens to me, understands where I'm coming from, and I have to fuck up our friendship by falling for him. I walked quickly into my bedroom and shut the door behind me. I sat down on my bed and buried my face in my hands.
My mind was running a mile a minute, but the one constant question was "Why?" Why did I have to start to fall for him? The more I thought about it, however, the more obvious the answer became. He was caring, intelligent, funny, undeniably sexy. The question here wasn't why was I falling in love with him, it was why in the hell hadn't I noticed it before? I mean, Josh was just so wonderful. It was bound to happen. I thought back to our first real talk, out on my front porch his first night here. I had felt connected to him almost immediately. I never stood a chance.
But what was I gonna do now? Do I tell him? Do I keep it to myself and try to act like I feel nothing towards him? The questions were just leaking from my head. The next question I had though, was the one that scared me the most. Could there be a chance that Josh was gay?
Honestly, I didn't like either of the answers. If it was no, then I would have to deal with these unrequited feelings of mine. If the answer was yes, however, I could very easily see myself loving him for the rest of my life. And that scared me as much as, if not more than, having to deal with him not feeling anything for me. Can I handle another relationship? Can I give myself to someone else so completely? God... what the hell am I gonna do? I needed to talk to someone. Without thinking, I picked up my phone and dialed the all-too familiar number. After a few rings, I heard a groggy voice answer.
"What?"
I chuckled. "Is that any way to answer your phone?"
"Toby? Is that you?"
"Uh-huh."
"Why the hell are you calling me at... 2:30 in the morning? I just talked to you!"
"I know. But I really need some advice, and I thought, 'Who better to call than my best friend Aaron?'"
"Ok, ok... spare me the spiel. What's up?"
"God... I don't know where to even start."
"Tobe, you woke me up in the middle of the night to talk, so you better spill your guts. Now. And start at the beginning, it's usually the best place to start a story."
I sighed. "Well, you know that I've been working with NSYNC, right?"
"Toby, I've been on tour, not dead. Get on with it."
"Ah, fuck. I don't know how to say this. I... I... I... think... I... may... be... falling in love." I said the last part of the sentence quickly, almost like if I did, he wouldn't hear what I said.
Unfortunately for me, he did.
"What?!?"
"You heard me."
"How did that happen? With whom?"
"I don't know how it happened... it just did. I mean, the guys have been staying here and we've been talking a lot and hanging out and... I don't know! I don't know what the hell to do!"
"Ok, ok... slow down a minute. Which one is it?"
"Josh." Just saying his name brought a smile to his face... shit, I really was completely gone.
"Josh? I don't remember a Josh... oh, wait... is that J.C.?"
"Yeah."
"Hey, he's cute."
"Tell me about it."
"So?"
"What?"
"Is he gay?"
I paused to think about it. "No... maybe... I don't know. I have absolutely no clue."
"Well, has he ever talked about girls with you?"
"No."
"And has he mentioned if he's involved with someone?"
"No, he's not."
"And have any of the other guys talked about relationships?"
"Yeah, they do a lot. I mean, they all do, except for Josh."
"So let me get this straight. He never gets involved in discussions of relationships, he doesn't talk about girls, and he's not involved with anyone?"
"Uh-huh."
"One more question: how does he react when the other guys talk about girls?"
I thought about it for a minute. "He doesn't. Like, he never says anything or he tries to change the subject or he doesn't look like he's paying attention."
"Ok... and you're telling me that you don't know if he's gay?"
"I don't!"
"Tobe, the boy has 'gay' written all over him! Go for it!"
"But... what if he's not?"
"Well, if he's not, then if he's any good of a friend at all, he'll get over it. I know that you wouldn't lose me if you told me you were falling in love with me. We'd work through it. Tell him." I stayed silent. "You're thinking about Shane, right?" I nodded, as if he could see me. "Toby, you can't let that experience rule your life. I mean, you could have a real chance at love here. Don't blow it because of that asshole. Don't let him win."
I knew that he was right. But can I go through it again? "What if I can't do it Aaron? What if he is gay and I tell him I have feelings for him, but he doesn't feel anything for me back? Or what if he does and... and I can't live up to what he wants? I don't know if I can handle that again." I was practically in tears.
"Tobe, calm down. Everything'll work out in the end, it always does. But look, you called me for advice, right? Well, my advice is tell him. I know you. You'll never forgive yourself if you don't."
I sniffled. "Yeah, but I might never forgive myself if I do."
"I think we both know you have to take that chance."
I sighed again. "I know I do. It's just so hard."
He chuckled. "Nobody ever said it was anything but, Tobe."
I laughed a little. This was why I loved Aaron so much. He could always cheer me up when I needed it. "I know. Thanks a lot Aaron. I really appreciate it."
"Hey, no problem. It's what I'm here for. So are ya gonna do it?"
I smiled. "Yeah."
"Cool beans. I want details afterwards, so you better be calling."
"I will."
"Good deal. I'll talk to you later Tobe. Oh yeah, Happy Birthday... again."
I laughed. "Thanks Aaron. For everything. I love ya."
"Love you too. Now, let me get off the phone. I need my damn beauty sleep!"
"Very, very true. Night buddy."
"Night."
I hung up the phone and laid down. Aaron was right. I had to tell Josh how I felt. But how? And when? Something inside of me told me that the sooner I did it, the better. God, why did it have to be so damn difficult? I turned onto my side and slowly drifted off into a troubled sleep.
Josh rolled over and looked at the clock. 4:30. "God... why can't I just fall asleep?" That was a stupid question, he told himself. He knew exactly why he couldn't fall asleep. Toby.
Josh slowly climbed out of bed and left his room. He crept downstairs, made sure that he was at the right room, and lightly knocked. Getting no response, he knocked a little louder. Still hearing nothing inside, he simply opened the door and walked inside. "Justin?" he whispered. Nothing. "Justin?" he asked, a little louder. Finally, he lowered himself to his sleeping friend's ear and stated, quite loudly, "Justin!"
"What?!?" Justin jumped out of bed.
Josh couldn't help but laugh. "Calm down man. It's just me."
"Josh? What are you doing here at..." he paused to look at his watch. "4:30 in the morning?!?"
Josh lowered his head. "I'm sorry Just. Go back to sleep."
Justin could see that his friend needed someone to talk to, and there was no way in hell that he was going to be able to go back to sleep without helping. "C'mon Josh. I can tell that something is bothering you. Tell me. Please."
Josh sighed. "It's just... it's..." He couldn't hold back the tears any longer.
"Hey, don't cry bro." Justin crossed the room and hugged his friend. When Josh had calmed down a bit, Justin continued. "It's Toby isn't it?" Josh just nodded. "Ok, then can I make a suggestion?" He nodded again. "Tell him!"
"What do you mean?"
"What do you mean 'what do I mean?' Tell Toby that you have feelings for him!"
"But what... what if he doesn't feel anything for me?"
Justin sighed. "Look. Let's go through this point-by-point, ok?"
Josh nodded. "Ok."
"First, you know that Toby is, for a fact, gay." Josh nodded. "Second, you know that he's caring, funny, intelligent, and yes, cute. Now, I'm saying cute and I'm completely heterosexual, so you know that he's good looking, right?" Josh laughed a little. "Third, you know that he's completely and utterly unattached."
"Right."
"So what's the problem? Josh, you can't sit there and wait for him to say something. I mean, he doesn't even know that you're gay!"
"Don't you think I know that? And that just makes it harder!"
"Why?"
"What if he feels hurt that I didn't tell him right off the bat? What if he thinks I deceived him? Or what if he knows and hasn't said anything because he's not interested in me like that?"
"How would he know that you're gay?"
"What if Tom told him? He told us that Toby was gay."
Justin sighed again. "Ok, first of all, I don't think Toby would feel deceived or lied to. He's not that kind of person. You know that. Second, I would doubt that Tom would have told him. He only told us that Tobe was gay because of you."
"Because of me?"
Justin laughed softly. "In case you hadn't noticed, we're trying to hook you up Josh! We're getting a little tired of you moping around because you don't have anyone."
"Well it's hard dammit! I mean, you guys can go around and date anyone you want! But if I even speak to another guy, it's all over the Internet that I'm gay. We can't afford that kind of press."
Justin hugged his friend. "I know buddy. We all do. Which is why Tom told us in the first place. And anyway, Toby is out. You're not. Tom wouldn't tell anyone anything that would make one of us uncomfortable, no matter what the circumstances."
"I know he wouldn't. But..."
"Hold on there," Justin interrupted. "Let me finish. Finally, I think that you're an idiot if you think Toby doesn't have feelings for you."
"What makes you say that?"
"Damn, Josh... are you completely blind and dumb? I mean, he hangs around with you constantly..."
"We live here... and we're friends! That doesn't mean anything!"
"...He goes out of his way to talk to you whenever he can," Justin continued, "he always smiles when you enter the room, and I've caught him looking at you on so many different occasions that I can't even count them up," he finished, content that he had made his point.
"Really?" A smile slowly started to emerge on Josh's face.
"Really."
"So? Should I tell him?"
"Are you insane? Tell him! Tomorrow!"
"Tomorrow? Why so soon? I mean, we're gonna be here for a while and everything."
"Because I know you Josh. And if you don't do it tomorrow, you probably won't. So, and I really don't mean to sound like a Nike commercial here, just do it. I'm here for you if you need me."
Josh was silent for a few minutes, thinking over what he should do. He knew that Justin was right. This was something that he had to do. He would never forgive himself, otherwise. "Ok... I'll do it," he said softly.
Justin smiled and hugged his friend. "That's awesome! I'm so proud of you!
I gotta tell the guys, and mom, and..."
"Justin, no! You can't do anything until I tell him and I... I get some sort of a response. I don't wanna get everyone's hopes up and then he... he turns me down."
"God man! Why can't you understand..." Justin stopped and sighed. He realized that nothing he said was gonna completely convince Josh. "Fine. We'll wait."
"Thanks a lot Just. For... for everything."
"No problem Josh. I'm your friend... it's kinda my job to help you." He laughed. "Now get the hell out of here! I'm exhausted!"
"I'm going, I'm going. I'll see you tomorrow."
"Actually, you'll see me in about five hours, but whatever. Now go to sleep!"
"Ok, ok. Thanks a lot Justin. 'Night."
"'Night Josh." Justin watched his friend leave. The last thing he thought before drifting off to sleep was "Please God... let Toby feel the same way about Josh."
Hmmm... that's about it for this chapter. I'm not really sure where to go in the next chapter... but I'm thinking... ASTEROID! Wouldn't that be kewl? Heehee... well, it'll either be that or NSYNC goes to Mars. I haven't decided which yet :). The next chapter probably won't be out for around 2 weeks, just warning you in advance. That's the schedule that I've decided I'm most likely to keep, so I figure I might as well give you the chance to get used to it early, as opposed to later. Aren't I considerate? One more time, with feeling: email me! sethdropspants@hotmail.com... I need more friends, dammit! Anyway, until next time... be good and don't let the man get you down!