Confessions of a Fag Hag Diana Wimples
"Let us now stand and sing together hymn number 83, 'O Love, How Deep, How Broad, How High' . . ." Professor Briggs announced at the close of his sermon. I couldn't help but snigger under my breath as I thought of my friend Julia's game where you add "between the sheets" to the end of hymn titles. Behind me, Drew flicked me on the back of the head and I threw him a coy look, as I knew he was probably going down that road too. He put his finger over his lips and pointed forward so I would stop laughing and sing, and I quickly threw him the bird over the back of the pew so no one around would see how irreverent I was being in chapel. Drew rested the cover of his hymnal on the back of my head and sang louder, so I swallowed my giggles and tried to find where they were in the hymn.
"All glory to our Lord and God for love so deep, so high, so broad, the Trinity whom we adore for ever and forever more," and it was finished, phew! I didn't think I'd make it without guffawing out loud. Especially on that last verse. "Peace be with you," Dr. Briggs closed out the service, "And also with you," we all intoned in return. Then the customary hugs and handshaking began. I stepped out of my pew and began greeting those in front of me, including Julia, who was winking at me too. Just as I was about to give her a hug, someone grabbed the top loop on my backpack and lifted me off the ground enough to make me stand on tiptoes. I threw a fake chagrinned look over my shoulder at, of course, Drew, and the three of us walked outside.
"Julia, you nearly got me in such trouble in there!" I smiled at her.
Laughing, she wrapped an arm around Drew, leaning in close to him. She was about five inches shorter, just tall enough to rest her head on his shoulder. Ah she makes me so jealous sometimes!
"Yeah, Diana nearly got herself evicted from chapel this morning," he laughed, hugging her closer to him, "Just think what Dr. Briggs would have said when he asked why she had been laughing, 'Between the sheets? What sheets?'"
"No, no," I responded, "I would have played it off and said I was laughing with joy."
"Joy? Mmm hmmm," Drew coyly responded, "You're looking forward to your weekend with Matt, admit it," he nudged me, nearly tripping Julia on the other side of him. I blushed.
"Ooh, what are you doing this weekend, Diana?" Julia asked, winking at me.
"Oh, just horse-sitting is all," I quietly responded, trying to stop blushing, while giving Drew a nasty, 'don't you dare' type of look.
"But who's Matt?" Julia continued pushing. Damn, Drew did have to say his name, and I couldn't say it was one of the horses . . . Why not go ahead and be honest, I thought.
"Matt's this guy I met online. He seems nice and all, and we've been talking for a while, and gone out in groups a couple of times . . ."
"And he's quite cute, I must admit," Drew interrupted, while I stuck my tongue out at him. Ah to have a male friend I can compare guys with, I thought to myself, the joys of being a 'fag-hag.'
"Anyway, he seems safe enough, and since I'll be at my friend Lila's ranch feeding her horses while she and her husband are up in New Jersey getting a new guide-dog, I thought I'd invite him down on Saturday afternoon."
You could see that Julia had so many questions, but wasn't sure if we had the time to talk. We were approaching the student center and I didn't have a class next, but Drew did, so he excused himself saying, "See you ladies at lunch, right?" and walked up the hill to the building.
"Do you have some time, Julia? I'll explain further, as I seem to have confused you," I smiled at her.
She looked toward the empty picnic table, walked over, and sat down, patting the seat next to her. I jumped up beside her, and she leaned her head against mine. "Do tell, girl, sounds like you've got an exciting weekend ahead." Just then, Austin walked up and sat on the other side of me, leaning on me from the other side.
"Ah, a threesome!" I smiled at them as I threw my arms around their shoulders.
Austin responded, "Naked?" and I laughed, but Julia looked a little abashed. Typical Austin, putting in her favorite word whenever she got the chance.
"Anyway," I continued, "I don't know if I've mentioned my friend Lila before, but she and I are high-school buddies. The only high-school friend I still keep up with, actually. Anyway, Lila runs a horse farm about an hour-and-a-half away, and I love visiting to see the baby horses. She's blind, and her guide-dog is getting old, so they are retiring him and have gone up to the guide-dog school to get a new one."
"But who's this Matt?" Julia asked.
"Matt?" Austin jumped in, "A boy?" she excitedly added.
I couldn't help but blush. "Yeah, he's this guy I met online. I know, I know, it's weird, but admit it, Crystal met her boyfriend Judah online, and so did Elsie and Theo. Both of those couples are very happy."
"I'm just worried about your safety, Diana," Julia responded. "I know you are careful and all, but inviting him to your friend's, way out in the country, where you two will be alone?"
"Like I said, we've been seeing each other in public for a while now, and he seems alright. We get along really well. And anyway, Drew suggested it, and I know Drew wouldn't suggest something he thought was dangerous. After all, he's checked out the profile of every guy who I've talked to online, and gone with me when we met at Starbucks or wherever and sat a few tables away, checking him out." Austin grinned slyly. "Not that way, well, okay, maybe, checking him out for me though, not for himself."
"Doesn't mean they weren't good eye-candy." She smiled back, while Julia grimaced at her.
"True, but anyway, now's the time to move a little further, without my 'big brother' and I've promised to call him and check-in that night. I'm okay with this. Please don't worry about me."
Julia, trying to look less worried and more supportive, responded, "Well, when are you leaving, lover-girl?"
"Tonight, 'cause Lila has to leave early for New Jersey. I'll have dinner with her and her husband, then she'll show me the ropes tonight and in the morning, so that I know what to do with all the horses."
"Will you be okay with those big horses? I don't mean to be pointing out your height or anything, and I'm sure you've taken that into consideration, but I just would be worried they wouldn't see you or listen to you," Austin asked.
"I think I'll be fine. She's got it set up so I can reach everything I need, and I've helped her herd the horses around many a time when I've gone to see the foals. Also, remember, back in '99 I lived on a huge horse ranch in Texas, 75 horses! I often had to take care of them by myself when the owner had to go away on business. It went just fine. Hard work though! I know I wouldn't want to do it every day."
"Well, good luck, and be careful. I've got to run to class," Julia said, standing up and giving me a hug. It almost seemed she lingered a second longer. Was it because she was worried about me? Or was it my imagination. Austin stood up too, and we walked up to the student center together.
Ok, ok, time to say a little about me. As you have figured out, my name is Diana, Diana Wimples. I'm 29-years-old and in my final year at seminary. I've been raised in one of the most conservative churches around, the Assemblies of God, but a few years ago, actually when I moved to Texas to the horse ranch, I began exploring my spirituality. Ever since, I've been opening myself up to new ideas and new experiences, and as I begin to consider them, they seem to find me. For example, I became Presbyterian, and came to the seminary. Up until that time, I had been in the mindset that one never talked about or thought about one's sexuality, so, in essence, I was a prude. Then, I met my best friends Jess, Drew, and Priscilla. These "liberated" folks soon began to in turn teach me how to be "liberated" about such things, so here I am today, meeting guys online and inviting them to far-off vacation dream houses for an afternoon of fun and excitement. Ok, ok, so Lila's ranch isn't quite the Tahiti I imagined, but maybe a little excitement would be in store? I'll admit it though; I'm scared to death, as I've never gone down this road before. Anyway, not only am I being made less and less prude-like by my friends, my best friend in the whole world, whom I will admit, I also had a huge crush on, came out to me a few weeks ago. Yep, he's gay. That would be Drew for you. I will admit, it didn't surprise me as much as he expected it would. I mean, when a guy rents "Queer as Folk," and goes to the only gay-and-lesbian accepting church in town, alone, twice, one begins to question whether he is straight or not. He had been putting off going out with me for a year, and when he came out, it brought it all into focus. So now, instead of the passionate romantic relationship I had been dreaming of, I instead get to be his fag-hag, i.e. the female best friend of a gay man. And, I'll admit, I love every minute of it and wouldn't change it for anything. I just wish I could duplicate him as a straight man, for he treats me the way I wish every man would - with respect and as a whole person. For, you see, I'm a little different than some. I'm only 4' tall, and that throws off a lot of guys. They either are afraid of me all together, when it comes to dating and the idea of sleeping with me at some point in the future, or they want to go back to their buddies and say they fucked a dwarf. I am not going to be a totem to notch onto the dick-sized conquest pole of some chauvinistic pig, no thank you. So, that's me, Diana. Let's get back to the events at hand.
That night, Drew came by as I was packing to go to Lila's. "When do you have to be there?" he asked.
"Dinner is around 7, and they bring the horses in for the night around 9, so I'll leave here about 6."
"So you've got about an hour. Are you nervous about tomorrow?"
"Actually, yeah. I'm almost terrified."
"Why? Do you really think he'll want to do more than just see the ranch? Oh wait, he's a guy, he'll want to do more than just see the ranch." Drew smiled. "Seriously though, what scares you?"
"You know I feel like I can tell you anything. And you know this will be my first time. You, who are gay and in the minority, have had much more experience with sex than I've ever been offered," I smiled at him.
"Well, I kinda went looking for it. You've been raised a prude, remember?" He laughed.
"Yeah, and boy did you find it," I smiled coyly at him. "Anyway, was it scary for you the first time, or did things come natural?"
"It wasn't really scary, I'd say, but more trial and error. We figured out what to do quickly enough. I think you'll be just fine. Everything should be in fine working order, right?" He smiled. I looked nervously at him. "Are you worried because of the height differential?" Leave it to Drew to be honest, and make me be just as honest too.
"Yeah, actually, a little. I'm afraid he'll laugh at me, or when he sees me in my full glory . . ." Drew shivered at the thought, ah gay men, "that he'll change his mind. I . . .I always hoped I'd be able to do it my first time with someone I trust, someone I know wouldn't hurt me. Someone who'd be gentle and understanding. Someone like you."
Drew blushed, "I've worried about that, actually. I know you've said you've gotten closure on your feelings for me . . ."
"How could I not, you're gay, after all, that kinda puts a halt to that kind of thing," I interrupted.
"Yeah, true, but I still see it in your eyes, the kinda thing you just said."
"What, that I wish I could sleep with you?" Ack, I can't believe I just said that! I blushed and turned away. I heard Drew stand up from sitting on my bed and walk over. I was about to break out in tears when he placed his hand on my shoulder, turned me around, and lifted my chin with his other hand, while he got down on his knees to be at eye level.
"Diana, it's okay, but you know that I can't. If I could help you, I would, but it just grosses me out so, to even think of having sex with a woman. It's not you!" he quickly added, as he saw the tears welling up in my eyes.
"I know, I know," I began to sob, resting my forehead on his shoulder. I wanted so badly to run, fast, but knew this was important. "I just, just. Argh, I'm such a loser!"
"No, Diana, you are not." Drew took my head in both his hands, pulled me back from his shoulder and kissed me on the forehead. Knowing Drew not to be an overly emotionally expressive person, I knew he was feeling my pain. "I know that there is someone out there for you. It's just not me, hon. I love being such close friends with you but you need to not be afraid of stepping out into other relationships. I think you can trust Matt to go at your pace, to listen to your needs, and to not purposefully hurt you. It may be a little awkward at first, and it may even hurt, but you two will figure it out. Anyway, if he does anything wrong to you at all, he knows he'll have the wrath of Drew on his hands. And I'm bigger than he is anyway." Drew smiled at me, and I couldn't help but smile back as I wiped away my tears, and he embraced me in one of his big warm bear hugs.
On the way to Lila's, about an hour drive, I couldn't help but think forward to Matt's visit the next day. But at the same time, I couldn't get Julia out of my head. Today, when she hugged me, she almost didn't seem to want to let me go. Like I had hurt her by telling her I was spending time with Matt. What was up with that? I mean, I know Julia and I have spent some wonderful times together, but was she just concerned for my safety? Or was there something else. She is such the flirt with the boys, especially Drew, but it is all for show. When it comes down to it, she'd not take any of them out. We've talked long about our possible prospects. Come to think of it, when it's just the two of us visiting over at her place, she's always very close and clingy. I've always just thought that's the type of friend she is, kind of like Austin, who jokes about being a lesbian, and pretends to flirt like one, but definitely isn't one. What's up with Julia? And what does that mean to me, it shouldn't mean anything! But then, ever since Drew came out to me and finally put a strong closure on the lingering hopes that I still had that we might actually end up together, even though I knew better, I've been mighty confused myself. Before Drew, I'd been attracted to guys in a mental way, but the physical aspect of things just plain grossed me out, kinda like his attitude toward sleeping with girls. But I'm not really attracted to girls either . . .
Then it hit me. 'Oh my God!' I shouted to the dark roadway in front of me. 'Oh my God!' Lila. When Lila lived close, before we moved to Texas, I'd look forward to spending weekends with her. To seeing her and the horses, but also to our intimate late night talks in her room, in her double bed, surrounded by her guide dog Jake and her little yappy puppy Tart. Then, living alone at the time, when she needed a place to stay, I invited her to move in with me. And, as time went by, first she stayed in the other room, then she moved her cot next to mine, and many nights, we'd sit together in my bed, before going to sleep, holding each other close and talking of the future. When she got the offer to live in Texas, I went with her. But then, she hated Texas, I loved it, and she came back home while I remained, and we became distant. For me, yes, I enjoyed those nights, but it scared the hell out of this little conservative prude, so I pushed her away. Now that she's married, she's safe, and we've never talked about it. But, even though nothing "happened," it still happened. I nearly broke into tears, and pulled over off the side of the road for a moment. I don't think I'm a lesbian, I thought to myself, but damn, I wish I could figure out what I am. Ah well, let's see what happens tomorrow with Matt, I finally convinced myself, almost having a panic attack right then and there, and pulled back onto the dark highway.
"Hey there!" Matt said, sauntering up the drive in his sexy way. The dogs were barking in the back yard, but I ignored them, my heart racing a little faster at the sight of him. Damn, but he definitely is cute. As he reached me, he bent down and wrapped me in a hug, kissing the top of my head. I hugged him back hard.
"I'm so glad you came," I said, blushing.
"Were you afraid I wouldn't?" he asked.
"No, not that, I've just had a lot on my mind," damn last night, I thought to myself, "And it is fabulous to see your smiling face. It makes everything else seem insignificant."
He smiled warmly back, "Well, I'm glad you're that happy to see me. Seems these dogs are happy about it too, can you introduce me?" he said, grabbing my hand and leading me over to the fence.
We patted the dogs and I took him around back, showing him the horses and admiring how he knew how to greet them and keep them from being nervous. My favorite, Beauty, even began nudging his back pocket.
"Seems she's figured out my secret," Matt smiled, as he pulled out a ziploc full of carrots and began handing them out.
"I'm so glad you like horses," I smiled up at him, "Even though I don't have any, they are still important to me."
He reached down and pecked me on the forehead again, and I about jumped out of my skin as I realized that suddenly, I wanted this man. I'd thought about it, and fantasized about it. I wanted to experience it, and with him. He must have seen the change in my eyes, for he took my hand and led me to the barn.
"Give me a tour of in here," he coyly said, putting a foot on the bottom rung of the hay ladder, and picking me up, set me a few rungs above him. He lightly slapped me on the ass and said, "Up we go!" and up I went, glancing back down at him to see if he was following.
We got to the top and I walked toward the stacks of hay. Loose hay was scattered around, and a tarp was lying on the floor. I pointed to the loft, stated the obvious, "This is the hay loft," and sat down on the tarp, leaning my back against a stack of bales. The hay poked a little, but overall, it made a good cushion to lean against. Matt, smiling his beautiful smile, got down on the tarp in front of me, and leaned in, kissing me full on the lips. I hadn't kissed a man, ever, just boys in 3rd grade, so I tried to dismiss the thoughts of "What do I do!" and just went with the feeling.
I reached my hands up around the back of his neck, and he put his hands on my shoulder blades. Warm, soft hands; warm soft lips. He pressed in a little harder, and I opened my mouth. Taking the invitation, he stuck his tongue in and began exploring. My tongue touched his, and I shivered. He felt it, and pulled me closer, and I could feel my heart pounding in my chest, and my breasts pressing against his own pounding heart. He pulled back and I reached up, caressing his ear as he began to gently nibble on mine, rubbing my back. I kissed the side of his face, and then nuzzled into his neck as he worked his lips around my own face. He moved forward to my collarbone and I let out an involuntary groan. Smiling, he kissed me again, and this time, I attempted to explore his mouth with my own tongue, while I felt his hands moving down my sides. I shivered again and placed my hands on his chest, rubbing down to his stomach. Going down a little further, I could feel that his pants were swollen, and I gave a small gasp, wherein he chuckled lightly.
I stopped kissing him, resting my head on his shoulder and said, "I'm scared, please be gentle."
"We'll move at your pace, don't worry. I only want to make you happy," he breathed into my ear, while lifting my shirt.
I raised my arms, and he pulled it off. I gave another involuntary shiver at the slight chill, and he cupped my breasts, still in my bra, in his hands. I reached up, unhooking it, and he reached down, kissing the spot between them. His warm, soft tongue reached out, and slowly began moving in a circle around the outside of my right breast. As he spiraled inward, I couldn't help but gasp, when he took my breast in his mouth and suckled a little. My body impulsively rocked forward against his as a tingle flowed down through me, and I could feel the bulge in his pants pressing against me. He moved to the next breast, while massaging my back, and I unbuttoned his shirt, massaging his lightly hairy chest in return. He moved his hands down my back, reaching under my pants and cupping my buttocks. I mimicked him, doing the same, and felt him slightly tense at my touch, pressing himself forward into me again, his swelling cock pushing into my stomach.
He reached back, pulling his shirt off, and unbuttoned his pants, standing up. I stood up with him, my face just above his waist level, and pulled them down, revealing a very eager dick. I had seen men naked in pictures and in movies, but never face to face, and it was scarily beautiful. His pink cock pointed forward, straight towards my chin, so I did what I thought was the best thing at the moment, I leaned forward and took it in my mouth, making him gasp. Putting aside the idea that I was doing something perverse, I reminded myself that I wanted to make him feel wonderful, so I tried to figure out how best to do that. Holding his cock in my mouth, I felt the warmth of it, imagined if it were me what would I want, and ran my tongue around the end, around the shaft, and pulled a little on it with my mouth. He gasped again, put his hands on the back of my head, and tried not to push me backwards in his eagerness. Soon, he was literally dancing on his tiptoes, and I tasted a sweet, musty taste on my tongue. I worked faster, realizing he was about to cum, but he pulled be back, saying, "Not yet." I reached forward with my hands, taking his cock into them and stroking it gently, and then let it slide out of them as he returned to his knees. Still standing before him, I allowed him to pull off my own pants, and jumped as he began to explore me with his mouth in return.
I bent over him, curling my upper body around the top of his head, and gasped as his warm tongue explored. I was still scared, but my body was rejoicing. He gently pushed me back and down, cradling me in his arms as he lowered me to the tarp, and leaned over me. He continued to explore with his tongue, and I could not help but curl my knees up, curling and uncurling my toes as I let out small moans. Up until now, any excitement I had had was at my own doing, and I'd taught myself to be quiet. Now, I knew it would mean more to him were I to express myself, so I explored letting my feelings come out in sound. He massaged my breasts, and when I felt I could not take it any longer, I placed my hands on his forehead, pushed it up so his eyes looked over my stomach up at me, and said, "I'm ready, boy am I ready. Fuck me now before I scream!" I smiled at him.
He got up on his knees above me, and then straddled me, one knee on each side, resting on his elbows. His face was level with mine, but my torso was a bit shorter than his. Not letting this deter him, he kissed me, my scent on his lips, his scent on mine, and then cupped my back in his hands, turning us both on our sides. He pushed himself up, putting my head at his chest, where I kissed his nipples. Reaching his hands down, he first ran a finger over my swollen clit, and then guided his warm dick down the folds of my labia. Gasping, I shivered, and then, gasped louder as he pressed himself into me. I gripped him tightly, afraid at the new sensation, at the slight pain it caused, then gritted my teeth, as I wanted him to continue, and to not be afraid he was hurting me. After all, the first time is supposed to hurt a little, right? He pushed on and after the initial shock, my body gripped his cock, I relaxed my muscles and we moved in rhythm. He went slowly, knowing I was scared, and I couldn't help trembling. The sensation was overwhelming, and I tensed and relaxed my muscles in rhythm to his movement. Every time I contracted my muscles, he gave a little gasp of pleasure, and so I continued. As he worked to cum, I suddenly came first, and chills ran up and down my body. I slowed my movements in order to enjoy the moment, then pushed him over onto his back, working my own body over his, straddling him as best I could, and he tensed, groaning in ecstasy, then released, and I felt the warmth of his release filling me, and experienced a second orgasm. I moved a few moments more, to extend it for the both of us as best I could, then relaxed on his chest, feeling his warm cock within me slowly subsiding. He pulled me up to him, removing his dick from me at the same time, it's warmth sliding out of me, and kissed me, pushing his tongue into my mouth. I could smell the exertion on his breath, and I returned the embrace. Soon enough, too soon, he fell back from the kiss, relaxing, stroking me on the back, and eventually even that slowed. He twitched a little in that moment of just falling asleep, and soon I could feel his chest rising evenly and slowly beneath me, and his breathing was deeper. I slid myself down to his chest again, resting my head on his shoulder, his relaxed dick touching my thigh, and soon fell asleep myself, dreaming of real-life sexual encounters, with a real-life man, instead of the fantasy ones that I had been making up for the past 15 years.
**This is my first story of this type, so I'd love to hear what you think. I'll try to get the next installment up soon! -- Diana