Confessions of a Fag Hag - Chapter 3 Diana Wimples
Tonight Matt's band, "Stable Chaos," is playing at Drew's place. It's Thanksgiving break, so we are celebrating since we have the week off from school. Drew's Matt may be there, I'm not sure, but I do know that folks like Jess and Priscilla will be around, as well as Julia and Austin. I have heard the band play before, they play original songs and some rock covers, and I don't really go for the music or the partying itself, but more to support Matt and watch him shake his ass. He can dance quite well. Even though he and Drew haven't known each other all that long, ever since Drew heard Matt was in a band, he's been working with him to get the band to play at this party. It makes me feel good to see my friends getting along so well. Since it is Drew's party, I know it will be quite a mixed crowd, with variations of mixed couples, but I've gotten used to that ever since Drew came out to me and has been taking me around to his various hang out spots, and introducing me to friends that he formerly had to keep secret from all of us.
After Lila returned this afternoon, I headed home and got ready for the party. I don't drink beer, so grabbed a Mike's Hard Limeade(tm) and had a quick dinner. My stomach was a little nervous so I couldn't eat much, but I tried to get down what I could. I was nervous about the crowds, as I hate crowds of unknown people, a little nervous about having Matt meet the rest of my friends, and especially nervous about how he might treat me differently, or how I might look at him differently, after our weekend. I calmed myself down by reminding myself that I would know most of the people there, and that Drew was the one who invited Matt, meaning Drew liked him, so everyone else should be cool with him too. He's a bit cynical at times, and somewhat sarcastic, but no worse than Drew, so that would be normal in our crowd of friends. My biggest fear was still how we would be around each other after what we'd experienced yesterday, but I told myself that it would be just fine, and walked out the door to my car.
Drew's place is a townhouse over in the Fan. Different than one would normally expect when going to hear a band play, but if you push back the furniture his living room is large enough to have a decent party. He's also got a great backyard with a couple of trees that are at the peak of their color this year. Of course, the party didn't start 'till 8pm, so color on the trees didn't matter as it was quite dark by that time this time of the year. He's got it well decorated, but it definitely is a comfortable bachelor pad. I love coming over here to get away from my own place sometimes. But, with a band setting up and the furniture all pushed back, as well as a growing crowd of visitors, the place had quite a different atmosphere than when I normally visit.
I walked in a little after 8, hoping the band hadn't started yet, but also not wanting to be an early bird to the party. I had offered to help Drew set up, but he said he had it under control, and wanted those last moments of introvert time before everyone showed up and he had to be party host for the rest of the evening. I saw Matt's ass sticking up as he was bent over the sound board and wondered if I should go over to him or just yell "Hey!" but Drew solved the problem by greeting me first.
"Hey Diana! Glad you made it." Drew waved from behind the bar in the kitchen.
Matt stood up, his face a little red from bending over, and winked at me, "Hey Diana. Thanks for setting this up between me and Drew. I'm looking forward to the party." Then he smiled his cute smile, causing me to blush, and took a step towards me.
Suddenly, my eyes were covered from behind and I heard Drew laugh in the distance, "Guess who!" So, it wasn't him. Who could it be?
"Jess?" The hands covering my eyes shook my head "No." Hmm, they looked like feminine hands. "Priscilla?" Again, my head shook "No." Grrr, "Austin?" "No" again. Oh wait! "Julia!" I laughed and my head shook a happy yes. She removed her hands and spun me around in a big hug. As she lifted me up, I could see Matt smile over at me, and return to his work. We'd connect again later, when he wasn't so busy.
Julia pulled me over to one of the couches back further away from the band, and as she led me back, I threw a quick look back toward Matt and frowned. He smiled and waved to go ahead and I sat down. Julia plopped down beside me, threw an arm around my shoulder and drew me close. I gave an involuntary shiver, but couldn't tell quite why. Thinking I was cold, Julia drew in even closer, and rested my head on her shoulder, her head resting against mine.
"So, how was the weekend?" she asked.
Not sure how much to share, I said, "Oh it was great. The horses were fine and I had a beautiful weekend to stay there."
"And did Matt come by?" she probed.
"Yeah," I replied, trying not to blush or let myself get flushed. I could feel the heat rising within me as I remembered Matt's visit.
"And?" Julia continued to press. "Did you two have a good time?"
"Yeah, we did. We spent all of Saturday together. He really enjoyed seeing the horses. He'd never seen foals before, but he was a natural with the older ones. The foals loved him as he played 'catch me if you can' with them." I shared, hoping this would be enough information for her.
The crowd was beginning to grow and folks were standing around. I could hear the band warming up and Matt testing the mikes. Just then Drew came by and offered Julia and I something to drink. I pointed to the Limeade that I'd brought and Julia asked for a Coke. Drew brought it back shortly and she took a sip.
"How was your weekend?" I asked in return.
"We had a fun game night Friday," she replied, "But we missed you. You always add a fun spin to our games," she smiled over at me. "I missed you." She whispered, and began stroking my hair. I shivered again, but knew it wasn't from the cold this time, as the crowd was growing ever closer. "Come visit again soon, it's been a while since we caught up."
She lifted her head off mine and I looked over at her, "I will," I whispered, and something in her eye, the look she gave me pulled hard at my heartstrings.
Suddenly, more than anything, I had this great desire to reach over and kiss her. Instead, I wrapped my arms around her neck in a tight hug and leaned my cheek against hers. It was very warm and soft, and she leaned in tight, returning the hug. She started shaking lightly and it almost sounded as if she was crying. But just then, the band began playing, loudly, and she and I both jumped, breaking our embrace. She turned away and pulled to the other side of the couch, which wasn't far considering it was just a small loveseat, and I turned to see if I could see the band. No luck there, the crowd had my view completely blocked. My mind raced. Listen to Matt, or work with Julia to see what was wrong. My duty felt toward Matt, but I had heard them before, so my heart, which was pulling toward Julia, even with the little voice in the back of my head crying "Danger! Danger!" won out, and I slid over to her. The lights went out, to increase the effect of the band. The only lit places were right above them, and over at the bar, where Drew was mixing up drinks, surrounded by a couple of very cute men, whom I guessed were probably just as gay as he was.
"Julia," I leaned in and whispered in her ear, it almost felt like I was shouting in order to be heard over the noise, "Julia! What's wrong?"
At first she ignored me, and I could tell she was crying harder. I tried again, "Julia! Please, tell me what's wrong. Did I do something? Did I hurt you? Did I do something wrong? Whatever it is, I'm sorry, please talk to me."
Suddenly, she whipped around, and the look of pure anguish on her face, tears running down and cheeks all red, broke my heart. I had that feeling that I just wanted to reach in and kiss her again. She was mouthing something, but I could not hear her, so I leaned my ear close. "I . . . I'm in love with you, Diana," she whispered, and I pulled back in shock. Not shock at her words, but shock at how confused they made me. She must have seen the look on my face, for she began to pull away again.
I reached out and touched her on the cheek and she stopped. Wiping a tear from the tip of her nose, I reached forward and kissed the tip. It was salty and damp from her tears. I moved to her cheek, kissing away those tears as well, and realized I too was beginning to cry. Damn! I thought to myself, what the hell is going on with me? To hell with it, I shouted inside my mind, screw it all! I leaned in, the salt of both our tears now on my lips, and kissed her mouth. She pushed into me, putting her hands behind my head, and I wrapped my arms around her neck again. How natural this felt, I thought to myself, but just yesterday I was doing the same thing with Matt! What is wrong with me? Am I just a sympathetic lout, my heart breaking at her tears? No, I'm afraid I do have feelings for Julia, and that scares the hell out of me. Stop analyzing! I told myself. And so, I did.
Just as I was about to begin to explore with my tongue, I saw Drew out of the corner of my eye, standing there over us. Julia had her eyes closed, tears still streaming forth, so she didn't see him. But I pulled back and saw his stern look. As I did, she opened her eyes and gasped.
Drew leaned down to us, just as the first song finished and the crowd applauded, "You two may want to work this out somewhere else. Right now everyone is focused on the band, but someone might see you and wonder. Then word would spread and think of Matt for a moment. I'm not judging either of you, but I just don't want you to get yourself into deep shit," he directed the last comment directly at me. "Go upstairs to the guest room, where everyone has been putting their coats, and figure out your confusion there," he said, he must have seen that very emotion on both of our faces, "Don't do this here," and he pulled us both up off the couch, giving us another stern look as he sat down and pointed up the stairs.
"Come on, we need to talk," I mouthed at Julia as I began leading her through the crowd to the stairwell.
I stopped at the bathroom at the top of the stairs and grabbed a roll of TP, as I figured there might be more crying involved. Then I led her into Drew's guestroom, locked the door behind us, and cleared a few coats off the bed so we could sit down. Jumping up on the bed, I patted it, inviting her to sit beside me.
"Julia, how long have you felt this way?" I asked, not sure how to begin.
"I, I'm not sure," she mumbled, still sobbing lightly. I reached out with a wad of the TP and cleared some of the tears. Her nose was beginning to run, so I handed it to her and she blew her nose with it. "I just realized it Friday, when you mentioned what would be happening this weekend. When I left after our conversation, I had this intense jealousy, and couldn't figure out for the life of me why. Then I realized I wanted to be in Matt's place. At first I thought I was jealous because you had a guy and I didn't, but then I figured out it wasn't that at all. I didn't want you to have a guy because I wanted to be with you. I, I'm not that way, Diana! I'm not gay! But, but at the same time, I have these intense feelings for you. Please forgive me."
"Julia, you are one of the most beautiful people I have ever met. And one of my closest friends. There is no need for forgiveness. I love you. At that, she looked up and smiled, hesitantly, so I quickly added, "Not that way, I don't think for, I love Matt too, and he turns me on so strongly it isn't funny. But, I'll admit, when you said that downstairs, I suddenly realized how beautiful, how attractive you were, and wanted, um, wanted you to love me in the same way he does, scary as that sounds. I don't think this can go anywhere Julia, I really don't, but, but at the same time, I want it to. I don't want to hurt you," I got out, then started sobbing myself.
Blowing my own nose, I heard her say, "Then please, love me."
Whether it was the plaintive note in her voice, or my own desires overriding the thoughts that told me this was not a good idea, at that moment, more than anything, that is exactly what I wanted to do. So, continuing to explore my sexuality, that is exactly what I did.
Pushing more coats out of the way, I lay my head on one of the pillows, and patted beside me. Julia lay down next to me and I leaned forward, meeting her lips with mine. This time, I reached my tongue out and pressed it to her teeth, and she opened her mouth, wherein I began to explore it. As I moved my tongue around, she shivered, and I pulled her close to me, her breasts pressing up under my own. Pulling back, I began to explore her face with my tongue and lips, kissing her nose, her ears, and sucking lightly on her earlobe. Gasping, she began exploring herself, nuzzling my ear in return. I traced my tongue down to her neck, then her collarbone, then slid down towards her stomach, tracing my hands down over her breasts and along her side. She giggled and jumped as it tickled, then I reached up under her shirt, placing my hands on her back and pressing my face into her chest. She reached her hands back behind my head, pressing my face into her, and I breathed in her sweet scent, forgetting my inhibitions. She then reached down, pulling my own shirt up, and put her hands between us on my stomach. Such warm hands she had! I felt guilty that mine were always so chilly. I leaned back and she pushed her hands up under my bra, cupping my nipples and began massaging them. I let out a quick gasp, and she reached down, kissing me, this time using her tongue to explore my mouth.
Pulling back, I moved my face down towards her waist, then lifted her shirt and began running my tongue over her stomach, while I reached up and massaged her breasts in my hands. She pushed up into me, then moved her hands down, running them over my ass outside my pants, then reaching back up to my waist and sliding them down in over my bare cheeks. She pressed me into her and I turned my head sideways, resting my cheek on her stomach. I reached around and slid my fingers down onto her own cheeks, pulling her back towards me, then slid my hands forward around her thighs.
Suddenly, she pulled back, warm hands still on my ass, and said, "Please stop. Don't go further, I can't. Not right now, maybe not ever. I just can't."
I looked up at her, "Okay, did we do too much?"
"No, no, this, this has been marvelous. I just can't bring myself to go further right now. I'm so sorry."
"It's probably better this way," I said, bringing my hands back up to her side. I slid up level with her again and embraced her in a hug, pressing my ear to her collarbone. "We probably should stop. Can you rejoin the party or do you need to stay here for a while?"
"I'm going to sit up here for a while, you go on down." I looked up at her and she gave me one more kiss, which I returned.
"Okay, see you in a bit." Standing up, I opened the door, throwing one last smile over my shoulder at Julia. I stepped out into the crush of noise, then realized, a flush coming over my face, that I still had to face Matt after all of this. Would he notice? For I sure as hell wasn't going to tell him. Could I go back to where we were last night after this experience with Julia? I walked back downstairs, scared to death at finding out.