Now Karl continues the story
Wow! What is Steve saying? He tries to finish cool and nonchalant: '... depending on what mood I'm in.' But the frozen look on his face -- his twitchy and defensive posture -- he's sure as hell not feeling nonchalant at all.
Nicky had stood up to confront Steve. Now, I can tell without looking at him, his eyes are fixed on Steve as he slowly takes on board Steve's bombshell admission. It's the same with all of us. At the same time Nicky slowly kneels down behind me and put his hands on my shoulders.
Nicky put his hands on my shoulders! Yeah, even while he is focussing his attention on Steve, he hasn't forgotten about me, Karl. It's like, for Nicky, Karl-and-Nicky just go together now, as a matter of course. Oh man ... I stretch out my legs and lean back against Nicky's thighs. I put my left hand up to hold his left hand. His little smooth hand in my big mitt ... with my finger tips I feel the tiny hairs on the back of this thin wrist ... and I feel all gooey inside again. Oh little frail Nicky, you need protection in this dangerous world, but you got protection now, you don't need to worry, here's me, Karl, looking after ya!
His right hand strokes my hair and I turn to smile up at him. He smiles down at me and shifts his legs a little to make me more comfortable ... It's incredible, he can't really ... Oh, cut that out, Karl! You gotta stop doubting! Accept it, Nicky likes you! A lot!
I look down at my chest and tense up my abs. Yeah, OK, not so bad -- not super- chiseled but pretty solid. And I know I'm tough and no coward and not entirely dumb. At last I'm beginning to acknowledge what Nicky might see in his cool streetwise protector.
But then who does the protecting? Who was it who came to my rescue when I was being held by Robby and Steve? Who was it who saved Robby from being massacred by Brad? It was Nicky, the brainiac with the heart of a lion! Oh, Nicky ...
But, as for now, it's Steve we're all concentrating on. My turn to speak up: 'Oh ho! Hear that, guys! Dawson lets guys suck his cock for money! Our Fairfield football star is a rentboy, a hustler!'
'You're full of shit, Spivak, you don't know nothing! I don't go with any old pathetic faggot! It's me who's in charge! I pick and choose! I ...'
He pauses, realizing he is again making matters worse. I launch in again: 'Yeah, I bet you pick and choose, Dawson! You choose only young goodlooking guys! But because you make them pay you, you think that means you're not gay! Huh! You disgust me, Dawson! You're the worse than a bigot, you're a hypocrite!'
There's a roar from Steve and he lurches towards me. I feel Nicky tense up. But Pete puts a hand on Steve's chest: 'Hey, cool it ...' And Robby too (who's been sitting against the wall, recovering) leaps up and grab's Steve's arm. Steve turns sharply to look at Robby. On Steve's face is a strange complicated expression -- sort of resentful, panicky, beseeching ...
It's Nicky (you've guessed it!) who works it out first. 'Hey, that's why Steve was so keen for the match to continue, so that Robby had to fight Brad! And Steve didn't want the fight to stop! Steve wanted to see Robby humiliated because he wanted revenge on Robby, because ... because he couldn't have Robby himself -- not that way! Steve finds Robby attractive -- well, why not? I do, Karl does, what gay guy wouldn't? (I'm not trying to embarrass you, Robby, but it's a fact.) Steve's all bitter ...'
Nicky is interrupted by a sort of wail or sob from Steve. Steve yanks his arm from Robby's grasp and backs away from him, his hands clutching his head. 'No, it's not true ...'
'Hey, take it easy, fella.' This is Pete speaking. His right hand is on Steve's left shoulder. Then he brings his other hand up, so he is holding Steve firmly by the shoulders. 'Look at me, Steve. I know it's difficult. But there's nothing to be ashamed of. I've learned that myself -- slowly.'
'Whaa ...?' Steve is looking at Pete, now. He seems bewildered, almost in tears.
'Yes,' Pete continues. 'This is turning into a night for confessions. Well, I've got something to confess too. You sell sex, Steve -- or you used too. Well, I buy sex -- or I used too. I was too frightened to come out at school, and I never had the luck that Karl and Nicky have had, kind of -- finding each other. So I bought excellent sex from really cute expert rent boys. They've taught me all the techniques. It's been nice. But also empty. You know what I mean, don't you? Sex with the guys who pay you a hundred bucks -- what do you feel like an hour later? But ... you know ... we both know ... sex doesn't have to be empty. A hunky guy like you ...'
What?? Now Pete's right forefinger is stroking Steve's neck, just below his ear. Pete is looking straight into Steve's eyes, smiling, like he's hypnotizing him. Steve's mouth is hanging open. He gazes at Pete as if petrified but also fascinated. He puts his hands up and grips Pete's upper arms, as if to wrench them away from him -- but instead he squeezes Pete's biceps, then with his fingers spread he lets his hands travel along Pete's arms, over his shoulders, and down his sides. He ends up lightly clasping Pete's waist, while Pete's hands are now cupped around Steve's jaw and neck.
Seeing the two of them together like that -- slim Pete and thickset Steve -- my first thought is: 'Pete's got guts! Steve could knock him cold with one blow!' But then I have a re-think: 'Yes, Pete's taking a risk, but he's smart too, he's leading Steve in exactly the direction Steve wants to go, deep down.'
'What d'you think of us, Steve?' Pete is still talking. 'The top footballer and the top swimmer ... no surprise if we admire each other ... 'cos I've admired you for a long time, Steve ... you act tough, you like to seem brutal even, but underneath ... underneath all those fears ...'
At the word 'fears', Steve jerks his head back and then looks down and to one side, slowly shaking his head. But Pete grasps the back of Steve's neck firmly and won't let go. He pulls Steve's head round and forces him to look him in the face again. All this time Steve himself still holds on to Pete's waist.
'Yeah, I'm right, aren't I? Those fears have been like a cloud over you for, like, years now. But there's no need for them. I know what you've been through, and I'm here to help. Believe me, Steve, I mean that. I know that you're really a tremendous guy. I just want you to -- please, I'm begging you -- take what I'm offering ...'
What did I say about leading Steve in the direction he wants to go? Even so, I'm pretty amazed by what happens next. Steve's hands suddenly come up to the level of Pete's shoulder blades. He squeezes Pete tight, violently even, and -- kisses him on the lips, passionately. Pete responds with enthusiasm. I can't see from where I am whether Pete has a hard-on under those cut-off jeans, but Steve certainly has -- a massive boner. Then Steve pulls his face away and, with a kind of wild look on his face, says: 'You've learnt all the techniques, you said, Pete? Well, I want you to fuck me! I've never been fucked, but I want YOU to do it -- now!'