Chapter 5
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Friday morning
I didn't sleep well that night, and woke up the next morning feeling groggy and unmotivated to run. My mind could only focus on two things; firstly the excitement and pride I felt after being asked to mentor a kid who I found beautiful, and his willingness to talk to me. And secondly I thought of Sam and whether the encounter outside of the classroom meant anything. He could be doing it for attention, which would make sense judging from how Mr Richards described him. Maybe his little grope was yet another cry for attention or an attempt to make fun of me, despite him not knowing I was gay. The only alternative would be that somehow, he figured me out. I'd found myself staring at him on more than one occasion when I'd passed him in school, and he could have sensed the nervousness I felt around him. In addition to his comment insinuating I was about to be sucked off by the teacher, I just couldn't put the thought out of my head, and became increasingly anxious about it. I didn't know how I was going to handle seeing him the next day. I slept for an extra hour instead of running and woke up at 7, getting ready and heading to school as quickly as I could.
The day went excruciatingly slow, sitting through Biology and triple German wasn't a pleasant experience, and at about 1:50 i excused myself from the lesson so I could get changed for the year 8 lesson, obviously not intending to get changed with them.
I located Mr Hutchins and asked what I was doing, to which he told me that the weather conditions were perfect for cross country running. I asked if they were being punished for something, similarly to how he made the year 10s do cross country as punishment, but apparently they were going to be doing it the following week anyway and they just started a week earlier so they had to do it one more time than the other year groups.
He said he had to go after telling me the basics of what to do, and said I could run too if I wanted. I thought this was a good idea since I hadn't ran that day, and of course it was an opportunity to show off, since I would easily beat them, or so I figured.
They began filling the changing rooms as I waited outside in the foyer. I picked up a piece of paper and clipboard for them to write their completion times down along with the laptop which had the class register on it. (Everything is computerised these days...)
When they emerged, I began reading their names while they said "yes sir" in response. I still found this weird, I was still a student and was being called 'sir', but I wasn't complaining. For some reason I was interested to see the last names of both Jack and Sam, and as I reached their names I read out "Sam Thear, and Jack Adamson."
As I read Sam's name, he replied with "yes sir," but with a heavy emphasis on 'sir'. I looked up to see him smiling in the same manor he did yesterday, I made a point of ignoring him by carrying on with the register and then addressing the whole group.
"Right, I'm sure you'll be happy to hear that you're doing cross country."
Various moans and groans were the only response I got.
"Don't blame me though, I don't decide what you do. Anyway, it's about three miles so it's not that far, and as soon as you're done you can get back inside and I might let you go early."
This received a better response, although a few were still moaning at having to run three miles. And guess who decided to voice his concern.. Sam spoke up,
"If it's not far then you'll run won't you?"
He added with his ever present grin, as if this was his moment to pull me down a peg. I'd now realised what he was doing. He wanted control of the situation, and he wanted to be in control of me. He didn't seem to like the fact that everyone was listening to me, as this pulled the attention away from him, and even while I took the register he made a vague attempt to regain control by mocking the fact they were calling me 'sir'. I realised I had to take control, and let him know that I was in charge. And thanks to him, I had the perfect opportunity to do so by beating him in the race. I know that sounds pathetic that I was looking forward to beating a kid 3 years younger than me, but I felt it was necessary and it was bound to wipe his smugness away, after all, he didn't know I was a runner, and probably wouldn't expect me to win. I knew already that he was fit enough to do well in cross country after seeing him running non stop during football the previous week, so he was already confident and I was prepared to knock his confidence away.
"Fine by me Sam. Now everyone head out and warm up on the way down to the start line."
They all started walking, Sam ensuring he was leading the way. Jack was near the back, so I quickly said, "Jack, can I see you for a minute?"
He stopped as I caught up with him, with everyone else walking ahead of us. He looked at me, waiting for me to start speaking, and I figured he was just as nervous as I was about what we'd agreed to.
"I take it Mr Richards has explained everything?" I began, inviting him to start speaking.
"Yeah, and I take it he explained what happened..?" He replied, looking down at the floor, as if he were embarrassed.
"Yeah he did. And you know why he asked me to do it?" I continued with a soft and friendly voice.
"Not really, I guess he just wants me to speak to someone, and I sort of know you.."
I figured he wasn't really enthusiastic about having to do this. He seemed to feel obliged into it just to keep Mr Richards quiet. In a way it hurt me a little that he was talking to me out of obligation, but his last comment gave me a little hope.
"Well, I think he's missed out a few of the details then. Basically, I know exactly what you're going through.."
"How?" He interrupted.
"Because I went through the same thing. And I know how hard it can be."
He looked up at me and checked for sincerity. He didn't say anything so I carried on:
"It's called anxiety.. And it's something that can be controlled. The panic attacks can be stopped to. I used to have them all the time, until Richards helped me, and I haven't had one since year 9..."
"I don't know what causes them though.."
"Which is what I can help with. There's always a reason, or a way to get around it. I know you're uncertain about speaking to anyone about it, but I can help."
He remained quiet as I spoke, seemingly taking it all in as we walked outside and across one of the fields.
"You sure you can stop them?" He finally said.
It took me a moment to figure out he was talking about the attacks, but I nodded, to which he bit his bottom lip, and then said
"Okay. When do we start?"
"Depends. What lesson do you hate the most?"
He looked at me quizzically, before sussing out what I was getting at.
"Maths..." He said, almost testing what I'd say.
"Then you're missing a maths lesson next week." I laughed, which ended the conversation on a positive note as we reached the rest of the class, standing at the start line looking completely demotivated. Robert was looking at me strangely as I approached with Jack, both of us smiling after the last few exchanged of our conversation. I can't imagine what he must be thinking, especially after I'd mentioned Jacks name specifically a few days before.
I gave him a look of 'I'll explain later.' And again addressed the group, with Sam pushing his way to the front so that he was directly in front of me, trying to unnerve me.
I explained how many laps and told them to write down their name and time when they finished. I told them I'd start a stopwatch and they just needed to look at it and record their time. When everyone was ready, I shouted "go" and started the stopwatch, setting it down on the floor behind me.
It took me less than a minute to catch everyone up and I slowly made my way through the group, past the slightly larger bunch at the back, through those in the middle and finally to the front of the group where Sam, Robert and a few other kids were almost sprinting ahead to get in front. I noticed Jack was running just behind them, more reserved in his pace. I knew what he was doing since I knew he was a runner; he was maintaining a decent pace for the first few laps, though staying just behind the front runners to make sure he could catch them up on the last lap and overtake when he felt the time was right. I pulled up next to him and ran side by side, raising my eyebrows at him and slightly pouting my lips to let him know I realised what he was doing. He smiled and continued looking forward.
A few laps later, a few of the kids up front were dropping like flies, and myself, Jack, Robert, Sam and two others were now closer together at the front, lapping several other students on the way. There was one lap left, and just as I suspected, knowing my brother so well, he slowed rapidly as myself and Jack overtook him. A distant and panting voice sounded from Robert, "fuck you Dan."
I turned and laughed, as Jack looked up at me to see my reaction, and looked surprised to hear my brother swear at me and for me to laugh in response. He turned back toward the track, and about half a lap later, he looked up and me and nodded, to signal he was about to go for his last sprint. I nodded back to signal I would do the same, and at the same time, we set off. Of course, since my legs were longer and more muscly, my strides took me away from Jack, and seconds later I passed the two boys in second and third, and eventually caught up to Sam and slowed. He looked over at me in surprise; he hadn't seen me behind him and must have thought I was long gone. He began to sprint, but I matched his pace and eventually powered on to the finish line. To be fair to him, he was quicker than expected, and ended the race in third behind myself and Jack who'd snuck up behind him at the last minute. I wasn't too tired at the end having stuck with Jack for most of the way. I would have finished a few minutes beforehand if I'd went off by myself, but it was nice to run with Jack and it was worth the look on Sam's face when I overtook him at the last minute.
He collapsed on the floor at the end facing the sky, clearly he'd put everything into this and I suddenly began to feel bad for wanting to beat him so much. Jack wasn't too tired, but he was used to running and he was smiling to himself, clearly happy with how he planned the race out. The next few students came in and that was it for the 'elite' of the group. The rest were still laps behind and some were even walking around. I told everyone who'd finished to write down their name and time, which they all did, except for Sam. I went over to him to see if he was ok, since he'd just been lying there since we got back.
"You ok Sam?" I asked, kneeling down next to him.
He moved his head to the side so he was facing me, his half shut eyes pulling me in as he lay there with his mouth slightly open and a pained expression on his face as if he were mid-orgasm. Fuck that image didn't help.
"Yeah, you're a runner aren't you...?" He said, still panting.
"What made you think that?" I laughed, as he began playing with his football shorts, riding them up to expose his lime green boxer shorts. I felt he was doing this on purpose, and instinctively I glanced down without thinking, and he smiled knowingly as I fell into his trap. I must have been busted, he mustn't have been joking yesterday... Was he trying to come on to me?
He remained smiling, but said, "Your brother was talking to me when we were running. Said you run everyday. I think that's cheating.." He said with a laugh, which made me partially glad that he wasn't too dejected about losing.
I offered a hand to him as I stood back up, but instead of grabbing it straight away, he reached down into his underwear to touch his dick or balls and rubbed his hand around a little, all whilst his shit-eating smile returned. I retracted my hand as he offered his own, which was now probably covered in the sweat from his balls.
"You're disgusting Sam..." I said with a face to match, although I had a sense he saw right through it, to my real thoughts which so desperately wanted to touch his hand and hold it to my face.
He simply laughed and stood up on his own accord, and went over to write his time and score down, holding the pen with the same hand and smiling mischievously at me as he did so. I shook my head at him, not knowing how to react, and after he dropped the pen he passed me and stroked my cheek with his hand before I had a chance to move away. I immediately smelled his ball sweat which I could now feel on my face, and I turned to him and almost shouted, before realising I wasn't prepared to tell him off in front of others for wiping his ball sweat on my face.
I simply gave him a serious look to get him to stop, and he continued smiling as he'd clearly gotten away with it, and was now firmly back in control, knowing I wasn't going to say anything in front of the others.
The next few of the class including Robert jogged in, and immediately went over to record their time. It was only at this point had I realised I'd forgotten about Jack as I was preoccupied with Sam's exploits. But I saw him talking to the two others who finished earlier. I realised they were the two that I saw with Jack at the track on Saturday, so no wonder they finished so quick. That also raised the question of why Sam wasn't running too, since he'd beaten two of the lads who train for it.
I told everyone they could head back inside if they wanted and that once they'd changed they could head home. Although I reminded them to keep this to themselves since I wasn't supposed to let them do this. They all began walking back inside, except Robert who waited with me. Jack looked back at me as he headed inside and I smiled at him, which received a smile back.
Robert picked up on this, and as soon as Jack was far enough away for him not to hear, Robert began with the questions...
"So.. You are planning on replacing me as your brother?" He laughed, although still expecting me to reply.
"As much as I'd want that, no I'm not. But there's something you should know, and you need to keep this a secret, okay?"
His face turned serious, and as a few more boys came in panting and wheezing, and after I sent them in, he replied with "Go on, tell me?"
"You remember when I was about your age, maybe a little older, when you were just coming into the school?"
"Erm, yeah.. What about it?"
"Well you probably won't know much about it, mainly because it didn't really concern you, but you know about my anxiety right?"
"Yeah, I remember, but it's not bad anymore though is it?..." He now looked concerned, which I found warming, since he obviously cared about me judging by his expression.
"No no, I'm good now. But I've been asked to help Jack, he's the same as I was, and he won't talk to the teachers, so I'm going to give it a shot."
"So you're going to talk to him..?"
"Yeah, pretty much. But I need you to help me too. "
"How?"
"I need you to keep an eye on him. You're in his year group and in his lessons so I need you to tell me if anything happens or if you notice anything.. Okay?"
He nodded his head, before asking, "What if I feel the same?" With yet another confused expression on his face.
I laughed, and said, "Robert you're one of the most confident people I know. I can tell you now that you haven't got anxiety."
He smiled at the compliment, but added, "yeah but, for other stuff."
"What stuff..?"
"I don't know, if I need help with anything."
I laughed as I wrapped my arm around him as the last few boys walked over and wrote their times down. I waved them over to head back inside as I began walking and talking with Robert again.
"You know if you need my help I'm here. All you've got to do is ask bro."
He smiled at me but didn't say anything, as we headed back inside and he went to get changed.
"Still not getting changed with us?"
"Nope!" I replied, as he shook his head and went into the changing rooms.
I waited until the last of them were out; Sam and Jack were long gone since they finished early and I was pleased in one respect that I didn't have to confront Sam again, which I hadn't yet had a chance to think about, but I was also sad that I wouldn't see Jack until Monday, or Tuesday depending on when his first maths lesson was.
As soon as Robert emerged he told me to hurry up and change and that he'd wait for me so we could walk home together. It was nice to be talking to Robert more over the last few weeks, and I couldn't help but feel he wanted to tell me something or get something off his chest, especially after he found out I was going to be helping Jack.
We got home and to both mine and Robert's surprise, both of our parents were home before we were.. A strange commodity in our household as someone was always out. We sat at the dinner table and talked, and I filled my parents in on Jack and what I was being asked to do. I made Robert feel good too as I told my parents about how he was going to be helping me out as well. They were so impressed that they offered to take us all out for dinner the next day, to which I realised I'd promised Jack a few days ago that I'd meet him before his training to give him some tips, not that he needed it after what I saw in PE...