Crazy

Hey hey... yeah, I finally tossed ya another one. It's a little different, but... maybe y'all will like it.

Props go out to seth (yeah, JLS), jeff, and everyone out there that I'm forgetting.

I'm not at all suggesting anything here... it's all fiction, and whatever you read into it is your own business.

Stay cool yo...

[Last Time....]

"Hello son. This is your father." His voice sounded cold and I shivered at the thought of the disapproving look that I knew was on his face.

"Uh, hi Dad."

"Listen, I don't have a lot of time right now, so I'm just going to cut to the chase." I could feel my blood pressure start to rise. I knew this was not going to be good.

"Uh huh."

"I think it's time you come home now. You've been fooling around long enough."

"What are you talking about? I'm taking a vacation. It's not like I'm missing school or anything. And I am an adult. I think I'm capable of deciding when it's time to come home." I hated it when he tried to treat me like a child. I just want to be treated like someone who's capable of making their own decisions. Besides, it's not like I was using his money down here.

"Look, I'm not going to argue with you. You are an adult, but I am still your father. I want you to come home tomorrow. I've had Kristina book you a flight and she'll call you later with the details."

"Dad, you know I love y'all, but I am not coming home tomorrow just because you tell me to. You have to give me a reason why it's so urgent that I come home." Not to mention, I was so not going to just leave Justin. Not now. But I definitely couldn't tell him that. This was so not fun.

"Did you hear me?" He was practically yelling into the phone. "I don't have to justify myself to you. If you don't get on that plane tomorrow, don't bother ever coming home." He hung up and I just sat there with tears streaming down my face. This was NOT happening. It couldn't. NOT NOW!

Crazy Chapter Ten

I zoned out. This wasn't happening. It wasn't real. I was desperately trying to convince myself that I was just day dreaming, and that I hadn't just had that conversation with my father.

"Ryan?" Justin ripped me back into reality and I knew that the conversation really had happened.

I briefly looked up. Everyone was staring at me. No... everyone was studying me. Chris looked confused and a little embarrassed to have been privy to my side of the conversation. Josh was sitting there with his jaw on his knees and his eyes on the other side of the room. Lance was thinking, which wasn't really all that unusual, but he was concentrating on something very, very deeply. Finally Justin... Justin looked really scared. All of the colour had been drawn from his face. He looked like he was five years old and someone had just taken his favourite toy away from him.

I pulled myself away from the peering eyes and went back into my own little world. If my mind usually went at a thousand kilometres an hour, then I was now thinking at over a billion. My thoughts and emotions became all jumbled into one crazy mess that it was really difficult to determine which way was up.

I was angry that I was being pushed around like a little kid. I was disappointed that my relationship with my Dad had turned so sour. I was furious that someone was attempting to cut my trip short. How could he do this to me? What could possibly be so urgent that I needed to be home tomorrow? Why wouldn't he tell me why I had to come home? Why was he so insistent? Why was he angry? Why didn't my mom get on the phone? I don't want to leave Justin. What would happen to us if I left? Would he forget about me? How would I manage to live at home after this? I HATE my father. I love Justin. I... I...

Finally my mind went so far into overload that I couldn't see anymore. Everything was just a huge jumble of colours and odd shapes that would never have any meaning to me. And then... everything went black.

When I finally became conscious again, a few minutes later, Justin was sitting cross-legged on the floor tightly holding my right hand and looking even more freaked out than he had before. The other guys had disappeared, but I could hear the sound of their voices in the kitchen. I was now lying flat on my back on Lance's black leather couch. I was having trouble breathing and my head hurt. That always seemed to happen when I had way too much to deal with. My body just starts to say "no" and slowly shuts itself down. Nice and comfortable for the mean time, but not the most effective thing to do when trying to deal with problems.

When Justin realized that I was awake again he jumped up and pulled me into a deep hug. With what little energy I had I hugged him back.

"I love you Ry." He whispered softly into my ear. It made me smile, sorta.

"I love ya too J." And then we both sighed. Him because he didn't know what to say or do to make things better, and me because I had no clue what I was going to do. I didn't even know where to start describing the fight I had just had with my Dad. So, we just stayed like that... honestly, I was not complaining either, and not just because we were putting on the inevitable. It did feel good. Too good almost.

"Ryan?" Justin sounded so innocent. It was like he was about to ask his mom if he could go out and play with his friends or have a cookie or something.

"Mmmm?" Nice to know that I had some sort of decent vocabulary.

"What's going on?" He seemed almost hurt that he had to ask. Then again, he could be afraid that I would just push him away if he pushed too hard; it wasn't that far from being a possibility either.

We both sat up and he held onto my hand again, except this time he was sitting on the couch with me. I took in a deep breath and let out a long, drawn out sigh. I trust J, and if he's gonna help me with stuff that I'm gonna have to share things with him. Whether they're good things or bad. I wasn't used to it, but that was going to have to change, starting right now.

"Umh... well... it's like this yo. That was my Dad." I flinched; completely involuntarily. Justin squeezed tighter to let me know that he was there and he wasn't going anywhere. "He, uh..." Tears started to fall down my cheeks as the realization of what he had asked me to do finally hit me. "He gulp demanded that I come home... tomorrow." Somehow my chin found it's way to Justin shoulder and I held him tighter than I had ever held onto anything in my life. I didn't want to let go. Ever.

Justin shivered as if a chill had just passed through his entire body. "Why?" We didn't move from the hug. At this point we needed each other.

"I don't know. He wouldn't tell me... All he said was that his executive assistant would call me later with the flight arrangements...." Justin pulled apart enough to look into my eyes. I stared right back into the crystal blue pools before me. No matter where we were or how I felt, I could always loose myself in them.

"That's not everything is it?" Justin stuck his lower lip out slightly in a partial pout. He was curious, but at the same time, completely afraid of the answer.

"No." It didn't even come out as a whisper. I cleared my throat and tried again. "Uh... no." I hung my head and stared at the creases in the black leather underneath us. I didn't want to finish. I didn't even want to think about it. I wanted to just forget everything that was said between my Dad and I, but I couldn't do that. Well... I could, but...

Justin started to lightly rub my back. He was so cute... and I don't mean just physically either. He was so worried about hurting me. I just felt so safe with him. And that was something I had not felt for way too long. I couldn't even remember the last time that I felt safe like this. I didn't ever think that I'd feel safe like this. I did know that I liked it though. I let out one of my trademark deep sighs.

"Shh... it's cool Ry."

We stayed like that for a long time. Several hours actually. I wasn't thinking, and I was barely feeling. I was just in this little protective bubble. The only things in that bubble were Justin, the couch we were laying on, and myself. Nothing could get in. Not even the other guys. Not that they tried. I think they just decided to let Justin deal with it, and then do whatever they could from there.

Finally Justin's watch broke the silence of our air tight compartment. He gently glanced down and caught the time before saying anything. "Ryan..."

"Mmmm?"

"We should go to bed dude... it's after three in the morning." He paused, and looked as if he was going to say something else, but then changed his mind.

"K." The two of us floated in out little bubble up the stairs and into the bedroom that Justin used whenever he stayed at Lance's. His hand never left mine until I dropped onto the bed.

"I'll be right back, k?" He seemed a little nervous about leaving me alone. Even if it was only going to be a few minutes. So I gave him a little smile and nodded to reassure him that it was coo with me.

I felt so exhausted that I didn't get a chance to see him come back though, because I quickly retreated into the darkness that, at least at this point, represented sleep. The last thing I remember is thinking that my arms and legs felt like lead. ***

"Justin? Is that you?" Lance's deep voice softly reverberated through the blackness of the hallway as Justin padded his way towards the washroom.

"Yup." The word was Justin's, but there was nothing else that was recognizably Justin in the response. He was emotionally, physically and mentally drained in having to go through with this whole thing. It bothered him that he couldn't fix it, and as such... his mind was preoccupied.

"What's going on J? We're worried." Justin couldn't see Lance standing in front of his bedroom door, but he knew that he was there.

"Well..." Justin paused to sigh. He didn't know what to tell Lance. He didn't ask Ryan if he could discuss it with the other guys because he wasn't expecting to run into any of them that night. Justin sighed once more because he knew what he needed to do. "Lance, I can't say much right now. I'm sorry, but... I just think that you should wait to talk to Ryan. I know how you feel about us keeping secrets from each other, but it's not my secret to tell. I don't know how he would feel about me just blabbing all his problems to you guys without asking first... I'm sorry Lance, but I can't betray his trust like that."

Had Justin been able to see Lance he would've seen a broad smile appear across Lance's face showing his straight, white teeth. "It's cool Just. I mean you could... but you won't and I respect that."

"Thanks Lance." Justin responded with an unseen yawn in the blackness of the hallway.

"That doesn't mean that I'm not worried though..." Justin stepped forward and gave Lance a reassuring hug. It wasn't so much to reassure Lance as it was to thank him. That and reassure himself. Lance released Justin and patted him lightly on his head of curls. "Goodnight Just. Sleep well ok?"

"I will thanks Lance. You too a'ight?" With that they both retreated into their respective rooms.

Once inside his room, Justin stripped down to his blue Old Navy boxers and climbed into bed beside the sleeping Ryan; wrapping his arms tightly around him, as if to protect him from what was to come.

Lance was sitting in his living room reading the paper early the next morning. It had been a long night; one that he had found very difficult to sleep through. It bothered him that he didn't know what was going on. He always liked to be the one that fixed things. At the same time he knew that he had to respect what Justin and Ryan had. He would have right to be upset if this was Justin's secret he was being kept from and Justin wouldn't tell him. He probably would have been upset if it was Ryan he had spoken with last night instead of Justin. But, the fact of the matter was that it WAS Justin he spoke with. In a way, Lance was kinda glad that Justin had been thoughtful enough not to say anything before asking Ryan if it was ok to discuss it with the other guys. It proved how much Justin cared about Ryan.

Lance heard the doorbell ring and he glanced up at the glanced up at the oak grandfather clock at the entrance to the room. It's only 7 o'clock...' he thought to himself it's a little early for anyone to be ringing his doorbell.' With a deep sigh of annoyance he casually walked to his front door and cautiously opened it. What he saw deeply shocked him.

Standing in front of him was a small Asian woman in her late twenties wearing a navy blue business suit with a white blouse underneath. She was attractive, yet she had this negative vibe to her. She was holding open a silver badge with which Lance neglected to identify. Accompanying her were four large, Caucasian male police officers. All in very threatening in both physical appearance and posture.

"Mr. Bass?" Lance nodded, still completely dumbstruck. "I'm Anna Wong with Federal Immigration. We're looking for Ryan Brent Scott of British Columbia, Canada. Do you know where he is?" She was stern and almost polite with her obviously Chinese accent, but at the same time she seemed frustrated and seemingly extremely annoyed. What little colour remained in Lance's face completely disappeared.

"Uh... yes, I do. But what, exactly is this all about?"

"Mr. Scott is being deported in accordance with United States Immigration Laws based on the fact that he has remained in the country for a period extending that which he stated upon being permitted to gain entry. These men are to escort him to the airport where he will be flown back to his country." She was now very cold, and it was quite obvious that she held a Law degree and knew what her job was, and it seemed, was not going to waste any time getting through with it. "I would like to remind you at this point that interfering with this process is a felony punishable by state and federal law."

"Umh... he's asleep upstairs right now." Lance's voice was shaking, but his drawl was still quite apparent. "Why don't I show y'all to the living room, and I'll wake him up so that you may speak with him."

"That's fine." She very coldly replied. Only one of the officer's followed her in though. It seemed the remainder of the officers waited outside to ensure no one snuck away. Especially not Ryan in this case.

There was a strange knocking noise hurting my head. There was blackness, but it sounded like someone was pounding a hammer against a cement wall. "BANG! BANG! BANG!" Suddenly I was being shaken and I could hear a deep voice calling out my name. It was then I realised that I wasn't asleep, and that someone- namely Lance as I could tell from the deep southern drawl that was passing through my ears- was trying very frantically to wake me up.

I'm not an easy person to wake up in the best of times. Unfortunately this wasn't anywhere near the best of times and it took a massive amount of effort on both sides to get me to open my eyes.

I immediately noticed that Just still had his arms wrapped around me... I smiled inwardly, once again feeling safe by the mere presence and contact of another person. It felt good and there wasn't too much else to it.

After blinking a few times to bring everything into focus. I saw once very pale Lance in front of me, and I knew instantly that something really bad had just or was just about to happen. One of Lance's soft hands found its way to my left shoulder and sat itself there. Lance gulped.

"Ryan ... you need to get dressed and come downstairs, right now." His voice was tense and strained. His eyes betrayed a look of fear or sadness. I couldn't tell; maybe both.

"Huh?" I may have had my eyes open, but that didn't mean that my brain was working any better.

"You've gotta get dressed and come downstairs... there's someone here for you." He paused for a moment to think. At least one of us was thinking. "You better get Justin up too."

"Why? What's going on?" I was awake now and I could feel the heat rising in my face. I don't get mad very often, but when I do, it's not pleasant at all. The first thought that came to me was that Catharine, my father's executive assistant, was downstairs. The memory of last night's phone call came rushing back to me and I was furious. I mean, what the fuck was going on? "Lance??" It came out forcefully and I immediately regretted it. Lance recoiled away from me as if he thought I was going to hit him or something. I took a deep breath and continued. "Sorry Scoop, but what is going on?" Lance sighed as I sat up so abruptly that Justin started to wake up.

"Huh????" Justin mumbled out, obviously confused.

"Well... there's a Miss Wong here to see you. She came with police officers." My jaw dropped open and Justin was instantly awake and alert. I've never seen him wake up so fast. "Look, they sounded really serious and were totally down to business. You guys should just down there real fast. In the meantime I'm gonna call my lawyer ok?"

"A'ight yo..." My voice trailed off not expressing the mass confusion in my head. My mind was racing as I tried to pull on a pair of blue adidas shorts and a white sleeveless t-shirt that Lance handed me. Had I done anything wrong? No, I couldn't have. I didn't steal anything. I didn't kill anyone. I didn't buy, sell or do any drugs. What the fuck was going on? I almost tripped on the corner of the bed as I made my way out of the room and down the stairs with both Lance and Justin trailing quickly behind me.

When I reached the living room I saw a petite Asian woman whom I have never had the pleasure of meeting before. She was extremely attractive, but she looked like someone you definitely didn't want to mess with. And to be honest, I was really wishing that I didn't have to meet her now.

"Mr Scott?" I nodded my head and dropped into one of Lance's oversized leather chairs. "My name is Anna Wong. I'm with the United States Department of Immigration." She opened the briefcase in front of her and pulled out a beige piece of paper handing it to me. "This is an order stating that you must depart the United States of America before Fourteen hundred hours today."

I was completely perplexed. I mean... BUH! I raised an eyebrow in confusion. "Uh... why?"

Miss Wong's eyes narrowed and a vein appeared as a blemish on her otherwise perfect forehead. "Because you have remained in the United States for a period longer than you stated upon gaining entry. That sir is an illegal act and as such you are to be deported to Canada as soon as possible." No sympathy. No compassion. No emotion at all. She was the coldest person I had ever met... well, with the exception of my father.

The police officer I hadn't noticed in the hallway now entered the room. He was in his early forties. Clearly in shape, and very aggressive looking. His brown eyes seemed to pierce through my soul with such hatred that one would think I had just murdered his own daughter in cold blood or something.

"Officer Bradford will escort you to the airport once you have you things together and will see to it that you leave the country at the earliest time possible. He will wait for you outside." The large man nodded and removed himself from the room.

My head was spinning. Why was this happened. Why are they being so anal about this. So what if I told the fat customs officer that I was only staying for two weeks. I didn't know I was going to meet some friends. I didn't know that I was going to fall in love. What the FUCK? Why does shit like this always happen to me. I became frozen and couldn't move. I saw Miss Wong snap her briefcase shut and then quickly stand up.

"That's all I have to say Mr Scott. Good day." With that she floated across the floor, out of the room, and let herself out the front door.

I still couldn't move. I was more than confused. I was shocked. What kind of fucked up country was this anyways? The kick you out for staying in the country a few days longer than you said that you would stay. I mean, I've only been here for like two and a half weeks! BUH!!!

I was finally unfrozen and the tears started to fall. I was quickly engulphed by two pairs of arms. One belonging to a great friend. The other... belonging to the person that I had seriously fallen for over the past few days. Justin... why do I have to leave... Oh my God!

"That fucking bastard!" It was a forceful whisper. Only barely loud enough to hear, yet powerful enough to sting.

I shook the cobwebs from my head and saw Lance and Justin staring at me. They were both crying. Their red puffy eyes were almost bulging out of their heads. They had no clue what was going on, but I had a gut feeling I knew exactly what had just happened... and it was all because of Gregory Nickolas Scott: my father.

"Fuck!"

"What?" Lance was in his business mode now. He wanted to take care of this. Justin, on the other hand, wasn't saying anything. He didn't know what to do. So he was doing what he knew how to do: be there for me.

"Umh..." I was suddenly beyond my breaking point as the tears that had been trickling down my face increased until a full blown storm of sobs over took my body. "WHY?" I managed to get out in between. I've been way too fucking emotional over the past few days and it was really starting to get to me. It was exhausting... especially for someone who usually hides his feelings from other people. Justin did his best to comfort me, and eventually it worked.

Once I finally calmed down again I told them what I thought had happened. "My dad... he's got connections and I think this is his twisted way of forcing me to come home."

"Fuck..." Justin hugged me closer to his body. "We'll fix this. I promise. Right Lance?" Justin was strong. He knew that they could do something to help. Maybe not today... but, eventually. They could fix everything. He sounded so sure.

"Definitely Just." Lance smiled. I don't know if it was to reassure me or if it was to reassure himself, but at least it was mostly effective. Cuz I believed him. "I'll get our lawyers on the phone right and now and see what they can do. You might have to leave today, but they should be able to get you back here tomorrow, or the day after at the very latest. This is the stupidest thing I've ever..." His voice trailed off as he walked around the corner into the kitchen to make his call.

Justin pulled away a little bit so that he could lightly rub his fingers over my face. He circled around my lips with his thumb again and again. Finally, he placed a soft kiss on my lips. It wasn't a kiss of lust, or even one of want. It was just one that was completely filled with love. It was warm and totally comforting. It, like everything about him, made me feel safe.

"I guess I need to start packing huh?" Justin and I sighed simultaneously. I was joking, but I really didn't want to. I just wanted to stay here... with Justin.

"Yeah..." His crystal eyes looked off into the far distance for a short period of time before he slid off my lap and stood up. Justin grabbed my hands and pulled me up with him, so that he could drag me off to find Lance. We found him in the kitchen on the phone looking like he was concentrating on a math exam or something. Every once in a while he would say "yeah..." and nod his head in acknowledgement; as if the other person could see him.

"Ok, thanks Tim. Yeah, I will... k, bye." Lance hung up the phone and spun around to look at Justin and I as we were leaning against the counter. Well, actually, Justin was leaning against the counter. I was leaning against Justin. He had his arms around my waist and it just felt so... comfortable. It's really hard to put into words how great Justin made me feel. It was a warm, soft feeling... and it felt so good. "Umh, I just spoke to Tim- he's one of our lawyers over at Jive Ry- he said that they probably wouldn't be able to stop this thing right now, but that they should be able to get ya back here in a couple of days or so..." Lance's eyes conveyed nothing but the utmost sympathy. "I'm sorry Ryan... I know how much this is hurting you." Justin gently placed his head on my right shoulder and tightened his grip around me. It seemed like the three of us all sighed at once.

"Thanks Scoop. Y'all have done so much for me in the past couple weeks..." tears stared to slowly make their way down my cheeks again. "Man, I just... uh... thanks." I managed a week smile at him before he made his way across the kitchen to give us- I mean us, since at that point Justin and I were one- a hug. We just stood there like that for a long time. Justin with his head on my shoulder and arms snugly around my waist. Lance with his arms around my shoulders. And me in the middle feeling like I was acting like a baby about this whole thing. I mean... I don't know why I was being all emotional and stuff. I guess it's just because I finally let some really crunk people get close to me, and now I had to leave. Man, Murphy really had a shitty way of enforcing his stupid laws.

We finally all let go of each other and headed for the door so we could go to Justin's to pick up my stuff that was there. After that we had to head to the hotel, which I had not been to in almost a week to pick up everything else was there. The whole way we had a couple cop cars trailing us. I tried to totally ignore it though because it would just start to piss me off and then I'd get upset if I thought about it too much. Ignoring it was made a lot harder by the lack of conversation between the three of us. Lance was focused on driving and Justin just stared off into space the whole time. By the time we reached the terminal at the airport I was starting to get choked up all over again.

Lance parked his Four Runner and we walked into the semi-busy terminal. I don't know what it is about American Airports, but they always seemed like they were busy. People always had places to go and things to do. So many people passed us as we walked to the Airline Desk to check in. Everyone seemed like they were in a hurry or ten minutes late for an important meeting or something. Lance pointed towards the Canadian airlines desk and gave me a little push to wake me up from the current state my mind was in. I hadn't even noticed that the cops were still following us. Even here...

"Hello, how may I help you sir?" The young woman was way too perky. Normally I would have appreciated her soft blue eyes and flowing blond hair which framed her gentle face extremely well, but my mind was still elsewhere at that point.

"Umh, hi..." I needed to clear my throat because my voice sounded like I had stuffed it full of cotton balls, "ahem, sorry... uh, I've got a ticket reserved for me here." I did NOT want to be doing this right now.

"What was the last name sir?" She was extremely polite, but it still sounded harsh to me. I guess it was more the situation than anything else. I dropped my luggage on the scale so she could tag it and get it on the plane.

"Scott. Ryan B." I tried to bore holes in the counter with my eyes, as she typed the name into her computer.

"Can I see some ID please sir?" This would be easier to do if I didn't have Justin and Lance with me right now, but I knew that it wouldn't be fair-to any of us- if they weren't here. I pulled out my passport and handed it to her. She examined it and then set it back in my hands.

"Ok." She smiled, but I wasn't looking. I didn't really care either. "Here you go sir. If you head down this hallway and make a right turn, you'll find our lounge and you can wait there until the plane is ready to depart." A boarding pass appeared into my field of view. I snatched it and took off without even thinking about thanking her. It was out of character, but I wasn't really me right now. I guess that was sort of an attempt at comfort, because if I wasn't me, then I didn't have to go through this right now and I could just have a normal, happy life. Me normal? That's an oxymoron.

Speaking of morons, I almost ran into one on the way to the VIP lounge. I didn't bother excusing myself. I wasn't sorry he was in such a rush and almost knocked me over. Justin did happen to be right behind me at that point and he did run into the back of me, stepping on my heel.

"Sorry..." he mumbled. Apparently he wasn't feeling to great at this point either. Damn. That hurt me, because I knew that it had everything to do with me that he was feeling hurt right now. What kind of person was I that brought pain to my friends? I'm sorry Justin' I thought, even though I knew that he couldnt hear me.

We finally reached the large pale oak door that lead to the lounge. I opened it slowly and stepped into the moderately bright room. Normally I would've have appreciated how nice the room was, but at the point I really couldn't give a fuck. I dropped down onto one of the large leather couches and Justin plopped down beside me.

I looked up at him. His eyes were closed. Not because he was tired, or because his eyes stung, but because he was trying to do exactly the same thing I was: shut out the world and this crap we were going through right now. I grabbed his hand and squeezed. I wanted him to know that I was thinking about him, and he was the reason that this was hurting so much. It's so hard to find something like this. And it's even harder to leave something like this. But this wasn't just anything... this was love.

Maybe it was totally crazy to be thinking so seriously about something that had just started, but so what if we hadn't known each other for years. I don't think that anyone that says it takes years to fall in love has ever really been in love.

"This is all going to work out you know?" Justin's words were flat- he sounded tired-, but his eyes were hopeful. I think he knew everything would eventually be ok.

"I hope so J..." I sighed and stared out the large window across from us at the planes and the "miserable" day outside. "Y'know it's kinda weird that when y'all think the weather sucks here, it's really not that bad." Justin twisted his face in concentration before breaking into a small smile.

"I love it when you do that." Justin started to trace the veins on the back on my left hand with his index finger.

"Huh?"

"Random thoughts. You just spew them out sometimes. Although, I do have to think about what you`re talking about to figure out what you mean." I hung my head slightly and stared at the maple-leaf pattern on the soft blue carpet.

"Sorry."

"No, don't be... I think it's cute." We both smiled and shared a moment in our own little bubble. No one else could touch us when we were there. It was all good there...

POP

"Hey guys... I don't want to interrupt, but..." Lance looked like he had just ran over his best friend's dog.

I have to go.' He has to go' was silently broadcasted in each of our heads. It didn't need to be spoken. We knew that it was coming, so there was no point in verbalizing it.

It didn't even seem real. I was floating and yet I felt like my arms and legs had concrete blocks tied to them. At first I had trouble moving, but somehow eventually I was released from my restraints and I slowly stood up pulling Justin with me. I didn't look at him, I couldn't. If I did... this whole thing would fall apart and I'd never make it home in one piece.

The dreaded announcement to board came over the speaker in the lounge. I tried to ignore it, but I heard it. If only I had plugged my ears, or if I had suddenly become deaf. I figured I'd just hold on a few more minutes anyways.

The tears started again; very slowly. Dripping silently down my cheeks. The final boarding call floated out of the grey grate in the ceiling. Grrr.

"Guys?" Lance's voice was only a whisper, and it sounded sad, but he knew that he had to say something. He rested his hand gently on my left shoulder. He really was sorry this was happening.

"I love you Just." It was a soft whisper in his ear.

I just let go of him and briskly walked away. I wasn't going to be able to do this unless I just forced it. I turned and I was gone. I was practically sprinting down the passenger arm onto the aircraft after showing my boarding pass to the attendant. I could hear feet running behind me and someone sobbing. I knew that someone was Justin. And if I stopped right now to look, I would not be getting on that plane; police officers or not.

Looking through what seemed like old, scratched up plexi-glass, I fumbled my way into my seat and tried to buckle up. My hands were shaking so badly that I had to get help from the flight attendant in doing it up. My body was covered in goosebumps and there was a cold sweat running down my forehead. As the 747 began to taxi I felt an immense sickness in my stomach and quickly grabbed one of the puke bags in front of me and filled it to the top. After we took off I filled another one and then became totally consumed by sobs.

I wanted to scream. I couldn't breath. My insides hurt. There were tears burning my face. I wanted to hurl again. I wished I could punch something. My head was totally spinning. I felt completely disorientated.

Eventually the sobs and gasps for air gave way to more silent tears. They were running down my face like a tap that wouldn't turn off. There were people looking at me. Actually, they were totally staring, but at this point I really couldn't give a fuck what they were thinking or doing. I was in some serious pain, not only because I was missing Justin, but because I knew how much he was hurting- not only from the fact that I had to leave, but also because of the way that I had to leave- and this was so not cool. I could never forgive my father for this one. Never.

Ok, well that's it for now. I know that it's totally been a long time, but I've not exactly been around the last little while, and I'm sorry for that. Until next time, keep it crunk and I'll catch y'all laterz.