*'Sup? All the previous disclaimers and stuff hold true yo. Stay cool. :)
Crazy Chapter 7
Lance was shocked to say the least. He was totally clueless as to what could have happened to make Ryan freak out like that. He had never seen someone so scared and afraid. It was like Ryan had seen a ghost or something. Ryan's face had been completely drained of colour, his eyes were a strange gray colour, and the tears... It had been a long time since he had seen anyone cry like that. Not since... Tiffany. But, no that couldn't be it. He was out there with Justin, and neither of the two were attracted to other guys; were they? No, Lance decided, if Justin had any tendencies towards guys he would have heard about it by now. Lance shook his head to rid the lingering thoughts from his mind so that he could focus on the task at hand.
As Lance walked outside to find Justin, he thought about how it always seemed like when something crazy went on, that Josh took the lead. It was different when they were dealing with business stuff, because Lance always had total control in those situations. But when it came to personal stuff, Josh was always the one who knew exactly what to do in order to make things right. He wondered if Josh knew what was going on. Oh well, it didn't really matter did it, because Justin would fill him in, right? He hoped.
Lance found Justin half-hanging out of the hot tub, sobbing like a mother who had just lost her only child in a terrible accident. Immediately, Lance turned to the side of him that was totally comforting and caring. It hurt him to see his friends upset. And in this case, not just one, but two friends, seemed to be in a lot of pain. He knew that he had to do whatever he could to fix the situation. He quickly approached Justin and pulled the wet, sobbing friend into a deep hug to try and calm him. Justin was shaking. But he wasn't sure if it was from the cold, or if it was due to whatever had happened between him and Ryan just a few minutes ago.
"Just?" Lance patted his back, and climbed into the tub with him. It was a good thing that he was still wearing his bathing suit. "What's wrong buddy? What happened?" There was nothing but fear and anguish in Justin's eyes. Something really terrible had happened between the two friends.
"I...I...I..." Justin was stuttering and Lance was having trouble understanding what he was trying to say, so Lance pulled Justin into another hug hoping that it would calm him down enough so that he was able to talk. A zillion emotions became built up inside of Lance; the most prominent one at this point being sadness. He let a few tears drop from his own eyes as he released a huge sigh.
"Do you wanna go inside and get changed first? I mean, you'll feel a lot better if you told someone what happened. At least I always do. Ok Just?" Justin just hung his head staring at the bubbles in the water. Lance didn't think that Justin was going to move, so he grabbed Justin's hand and lead him out of the hot tub, and then across the lawn into the house. Lance had to practically drag Justin upstairs to his room. He went through Justin's drawers and grabbed a pair of blue plaid boxers, a white t-shirt and a pair of gray Nike sweatpants for Justin to put on before pushing him into the bathroom. "Here. Get changed Just, ok?" Justin nodded and slowly closed the door. The sadness remained in the room even after he had disappeared from it.
Lance borrowed some clothes and quickly changed before Justin came back into the room. It wasn't really necessary to rush though, because it took Justin almost twenty minutes to reappear. Lance didn't think that it was possible for Justin to have looked any worse than when he went into the washroom; Lance had been wrong. Justin looked like he was going to die. By now, Lance was starting to get upset. It hurt him that Justin wasn't telling him what was going on. Justin just sat there on his bed staring at his bare feet.
"Just?" Justin didn't say anything. Lance finally broke down and starting to cry and he started to rant. "Justin look. I've got no clue what happened. I want to help you, but there's not a whole lot that I can do if I don't know what happened. Please? I'm scared. I don't know what could've upset the two of you so bad. Ryan looked so bad; he almost passed out before making it upstairs to talk with JC. And now you look like you're about to die. Justin, please, let me help you... please... please?"
"L-l-lance... I... I can't. I mean..." Lance didn't think that Justin could have cried anymore, but he started again.
"Why? Justin? Why? There's nothing you can't tell me. I will always be there for you. No matter what. I don't know what you think is so bad that you can't tell me. I mean, I'm your friend. I'm not going to ditch you just because you tell me something that I might not want to hear. But I do snif I want to be here for you now.... Just? Let me help. I promise, I won't get mad or anything. Please?" Justin looked up and saw the sincere look in Lance's eyes and knew that Lance wouldn't run away.
"Ok... I mean... all right." Justin sighed deeply before continuing. "Lance, I... I like Ryan."
"Yeah, of course ya do buddy. We all do."
"No! I mean, I don't just like him... I like him. Ya get?"
"Oh." Lance sat there and thought about it for a second. Justin liked guys? Or at least one guy. Woah. "Cool Just." Lance knew he needed to be completely supportive. Justin almost perked up for a second. He must have a pretty bad crush. "So what happened?" He pleaded for him to continue.
"Umh... I kissed, him." After Justin had said the word kissed he almost smiled, but then as the memory of Ryan running away after the kiss flooded back into his head he started to get upset again and raised his voice. "But he ran away Lance. WHY? Why did he run away. I mean snif he did kiss me back, but he ran away..." Justin grabbed onto Lance and sobbed into his shoulder. Lance didn't know what to do. He didn't know what to say. He had a pretty good idea as to why Ryan would've run away. I mean, can you imagine, after being assaulted by someone and then having one of your friends kiss you. He must've been afraid from remembering what had happened a little over six months ago. He didn't think that Justin knew about that, so he couldn't tell him that. Lance wondered if it was just the realisation that Ryan had been kissed by another guy that made him run away. He knew what he felt like when he was coming to grips with being bi. Everything had been messed up, and he spent hours crying because he didn't know what else to do. He hadn't asked to be made like that, but God didn't give him that chance y'know? Maybe that was just it. He was about to say that when there was a quiet knock on the door.
"Justin?" My voice was totally hoarse from all the crying I had been doing. I was afraid, but Josh was there in the hallway. Before I had knocked he had whispered to me that he'd be right out here if he needed me. I nodded slowly before knocking. There was nothing but silence emanating from Justin's room. I was starting to think that there was anyone in there until Lance slowly opened the door.
Lance gave me a funny look as he slid past me. It was either a really goofy look of encouragement, or it was a look of complete and utter confusion. I wasn't sure, but I knew that there was something that I had to do besides standing in the hallway trying to figure out the message that Lance was sending me. I let out a long deep sigh before entering the room.
"Just..." He didn't look up. He kept staring at the floor, and I could see tears falling from the tip of his nose. I suddenly felt incredibly nervous. I mean, what if he changed his mind after Josh had helped me figure everything out. I almost turned and left the room, but I convinced myself that I had to do this. No matter what happened. I had to tell him how I really felt. Besides, I knew that if I had turned around that Josh would've just sent me right back in there again. "Just..." I walked up to him, and lifted his chin with my finger so that he could see my eyes. At first he resisted, but then he gave up and let me move his chin. My heart sank into my feet when I saw the look on his face. But I knew that I had to keep going. "I'm sorry. Just... I'm soo sorry." His eyes which were barely open before were now wide open and full of curiosity, and maybe even a little bit of shock. "I mean, I was really scared earlier. I didn't mean to run away... I... I... I liked it Justin. I'm sorry." I hung my head down sat down on the bed a few feet away from Justin.
I didn't know what else to say. I couldn't cry anymore. I'd already done more than enough of that. As far as I was concerned there wasn't much more I could do. Except, well... "Just?" I kept my head down, but I could see out of the corner of my eyes that Justin's head had snapped in my direction. "I, uh.. I have, umh, feelings for you." I know that he had taken a chance in the hot tub, and I was willing to take a chance now. I had to do it. I'd end up kicking myself for a long time if I didn't. I turned to look at him, and he was smiling.
"I know." Justin whispered as he reached for my hand. He softly squeezed my hand. "I know Ry. I do too." He smiled showing off his pearly white teeth. For the second time that night I was completely shocked. I mean, I should've known that he wasn't going to change his mind, but... you never know.
A whole new wave of emotions came crashing over me. I couldn't tell if it was happiness, or extreme exhaustion. At this point there were only two types of emotions that I could have: good or bad. These emotions were definitely good. In fact, I'd have to say that these emotions were extremely awesome. It had been a really long time since I had felt this way. For the first time in months I felt... completely relaxed and free. All because of the totally kick ass guy sitting on the bed right next to me.
Justin was looking at me with this curious look on his face. He was still smiling, but he was also beaming. When I looked over at him it looked like he had been studying my face. It was as if he was memorising all the features of my head. His look was one of complete concentration. He looked so cute. He looked like he had been pondering the writings of Aristotle or something in an old and highly sophisticated European church. I couldn't hold it in any more. I had to give into the urge to kiss him. And I did...
I didn't know whether I should consider this out first kiss or our second. Really, I couldn't care right now. All I knew was that he was right here with me, and he felt the same way that I did. It was something greater than either of us. Something so powerful that it was sending electrical jolts throughout my body as my soft lips were pressed against his. I could spend forever just like this. Here, with Justin. I drew my arms around him and pulled him tight. We released the powerful kiss that had initiated the close contact between the two of us, and enjoyed the feeling of each others' contact. The warmth between us totally put me at ease and I started to drift off into sleep.
Well, at least until Justin began to run his fingers through my blond hair and whispered into my ear. "Ry?"
"Mmmm hmmm?" I was starting to feel sleep take over, but I fought it just because I could never deprive Just of anything, ever. I would feel forever in debt to him for all the pain that I had caused him.
"You're still in you swimming shorts dude. You've gotta change, k?" Justin's voice was soft and it was sending chills down my spine.
"Huh?"
"Now that I've got you I'm not going to let you catch pneumonia. You've gotta get changed." Justin started to giggle lightly and I smiled at the care he was showing me; yet again. Justin was amazing. For some reason, well Justin was the reason, I felt completely safe, and if he wanted me to do something I was going to do it. I smiled.
"K." I let go of him, but he didn't let go of my hand. He was determined to maintain contact with me, and y'know I totally wasn't going to argue with him. Just stood up with me as I went in search of my boxers and shorts. When I found them on the floor in the corner of Justin's room I picked them up and reluctantly tried to let go of Justin's hand. He wouldn't let go though. "Just, I've gotta get dressed. Just like you said. I'll be right back. I promise." With that Justin pulled me close and quickly kissed me on the cheek. He slowly let go of my hand, as I trudged towards the bathroom. I turned to look at him one last time before closing the door. "Right back." I whispered to him, and with that I closed the door.
Lance had his ear up against the door. "I don't hear anything Josh."
"Hmmm..." JC twisted his face as he thought about what could be happening in there. There were two major options: either they were both sitting there staring at the floor not saying anything, or... they had made up and were enjoying the company of one another. Josh seriously hoped that it was the latter.
"What do you think is going on in there?" Lance was worried. He supposed that hearing nothing was probably a good sign. At least they weren't trying to kill each other. Not that they would. 'They're both mature' he thought... 'maybe they were making out?' Lance's pink, southern lips curled up into a broad smile at that thought. That would be cool.
"I dunno Scoop..." The door to Justin's room opened abruptly and Justin stood there with a huge grin on his face. The two guys in the hall were both kinda shocked at first. The last thing they had expected was for the door to open.
" 'Sup guys?" The goofy look on Justin's face was totally comical and both Josh and Lance had to stifle their giggles. Josh immediately took command of the scene.
"Not much Just. Are... are you guys ok?" JC was pretty sure that everything was fine, but he had to ask in order to put his mind completely at ease.
"Yup. We're totally cool. But I think that Ryan's going to crash soon. He's pretty exhausted y'know, so I'm gonna let him have my bed and I'm gonna sleep on the floor yo."
"What happened?" Sometimes Lance let all the peroxide get to his head and didn't think too much before he says something; especially when he was tired. JC lightly punched him in the shoulder to get him to shut up. "Ow!" Lance whined and started to rub his arm.
"We all need to sit down and have a chat guys... but not now. We'll do it in the mornin' k? Cuz we all need to get some decent shut eye before we talk yo." Justin smiled. He'd never felt so incredible before. It had only been a few minutes and he already missed Ryan. JC nodded in complete understanding.
"A'ight Just. Have a good night then k bro?" Josh stepped up to Justin and gave him a deep, brotherly hug and whispered in his ear. "Way to go Just." They both smiled at each other as Lance budged in.
"You've definitely got some beans to spill boy, but I can wait 'til the morning. I'm going to crash here in the guest room as long as that's cool."
"For sure Lance. I'll catch ya in the morning." Just gave Lance props before Lance pulled him into a quick hug in the dimly lit hallway.
"Thanks J. G'night." Lance's southern accent actually seemed to get thicker the longer he was awake.
I took a long look at myself in the mirror. I was trying to see what it was that Justin saw in me. I totally knew what it was that I saw in him: a completely cool person... someone who was talented, intelligent, thoughtful, caring, cute... the list went on. But I really couldn't figure it out. Why? Something in my brain told me to shut up and not knock it. It also told me that Justin himself was the only one that could answer that question for me, and that it was totally no use to try and figure it out on my own.
With that I slid the still somewhat damp bathing suit down my legs. I very quickly dried off and whipped on my Gap plaid boxers, smoothly sliding my shorts over top of them. I looked in the mirror again to make sure that I looked all right. I was pretty amazed that after everything my hair was somewhat decent. Usually after being in a pool it goes all crazy and fluffy, but it was just lying flat on my head as if I had brushed it all forwards. My eyes were still a little red and puffy around the edges, and they were definitely bloodshot. They were also giving off this freaky blue colour; they were cold and looked like ice. I was kinda entranced by them.
When I finally broke back to normal I decided it was time that I went back to Justin. Everything would be ok then. I slowly opened the door and saw Justin standing in his door waving goodnight to who must be Lance and JC. Before he even noticed I was back in the room the door was closed and he let out a long sigh.
"Thank you." He said out loud. His back was facing me. I knew who he was talking to, and it wasn't me. But I couldn't contain my need for him to be close any longer. I crept up to him and wrapped my arms around him letting him know that I was totally there. I could feel the tension in his body leave as he completely relaxed in my arms. It was such an awesome feeling, Just standing there with him... feeling him... smelling him- he smelled so good; like a... I don't know how to describe it, but his scent was to me like the smell of candy is to a six year-old- being with him.
Our hands found each other and our fingers became intertwined. Justin spun me around so that I was facing him and he kissed me. I felt his tongue probing my mouth and so I let him in. Somehow we managed to get to the bed and I laid down. I loved this, but I was definitely tired and was starting to give in to my body's need for sleep. I wasn't going to last much longer...
I opened my eyes and found myself in a dark hotel room. My hotel room. What the hell was going on? Where was Justin? How did I get back here? I picked up my watch and looked at the time. Tears started falling like rain in storm. My body started to shake. I couldn't see anymore. I screamed.
"NOOOOOOOO!"
It was Tuesday morning. That was the day that I met Justin.
"What the fuck? ARGH!"
Sobs overtook my body. How could this happen? This couldn't have been a dream. No, no, no, no! I loved him. It happened; I swear it did. I was there. He was there. Josh and Lance were there too. "This is not allowed to be a dream!" I... I had waited so long to find someone that cared for me like I was a person. It's not fair.
"Justin!"
"Ryan? Are you ok?" I awoke with a start, and opened my eyes--only to see Justin here, holding me. He looked afraid. "What happened Ry? You just screamed No, and something about this can't be a dream..." There were tears in his crystal blue eyes, again because of me. Except this time, it was out of concern, and not sadness. My heart leaped into my throat at the thought of loosing him now.
"Just?" Not only my words, but also my own eyes begged of him.
"What?" He whispered back to me. The entire time he was holding me and rubbing little circular patterns all over my naked back.
"Can you promise me something?" I swallowed hard and an audible "gulp" was heard as I tried to swallow the gigantic lump in my throat.
"Anything."
"Don't ever disappear. I need you." I smiled at him. It had only been a few days since I had known him, and it had only been a few hours since I had been able to openly express my feelings for him, but I knew now that I loved him. Some might think that it was way too premature to say that. But I knew it. Sometimes all the laws of the civilized world have to be thrown out of the window; all because we were equipped with a strange organ that seemed to make reason unreasonable. The heart was a strange thing, but when it tells you something you need to listen to it. If you don't... you might not know what you could be missing. And there was no way that I wanted to miss this. I knew that I loved him because my heart told me I did. It has nothing to do with the fact that I was lonely before. It isn't even affected by the fact that I had never truly loved someone before. For that matter, I had never ever really understood what love was before this. But now I knew. And I'm so sure, that I'd risk my life on it. I've never been so sure of something in my life.
I grabbed Justin's free hand from where it was laying on the forest green sheet. I turned to look iinto those brillant eyes of his, and whispered, "I love you."
Ok, that's it... that's all you're gonna get. Props to Jeff for helping me with the editing stuff. Go read his story "Twist of Fate." It's way too cool. Til next time y'all... oh yeah, and have a totally CRUNK New Year! :)