Dan and Ben at Sixty

Dan and Ben at Sixty--Chapter Three By Ezra Randle

Ben's called for an appointment with Alex and told his receptionist he needed to speak with Alex before he scheduled a specific date. Two weeks later, Alex still hadn't gotten back to him, so he called again. He finally reached Alex who admitted he was trying to avoid him. Alex merely stated that he was open to more therapy, but that the conversation couldn't be about Dan. And even when they finally met in the office in late afternoon, Alex again returned to the ground rules before they conducted the therapy. "You understand about the parameters, Ben. Why we can't talk about Dan?"

"Makes sense to me. I'm not here to do that. I have a few other things."

"Thank you. I appreciate your cooperation. My first inclination was to turn you down and refer you on to another therapist. But that seemed rather petty of me."

"Thanks for that consideration, Alex. I promise to be good," Ben said, a broad grin lighting up his face.

Alex returned the smile. "Before you start, let me say how nice it is to see you again. I've missed you."

"Yes, me, too. You've been a lot of things for me. You've rescued me and held me and kept a straight face when I must have been pretty laughable. But I think of you now as my friend. So, it's easy to sit here with you. Despite your reservations."

Alex nodded, giving Ben the freedom to tell his latest story. "It's Maureen. She's left me."

Alex reacted as though he was being pranked. He tried to keep a blank face but gave himself away. He was as astonished as Ben had been when Maureen delivered the news that she was staying away in her father's house. But he remained seated, waiting for Ben to continue. Ben took fifteen minutes to complete the chapters in this latest development in his life. When he was finished, Alex finally spoke, "I don't know what to say other than I'm very sorry."

"It's really not as bad as you might be assuming. I'd grown used to us being separated over the past few years. In a way, this just puts a stamp of finality on something that seemed to be winding down."

"Would you want her back if she asked?"

"Not sure. Which leads me to topic two. So, I'm going to skip over all your questions about Maureen and my life with her. Because I need you to hear the next part in the time we have."

Alex looked up at the clock and said, "It's OK if you run over."

Ben told him the story of his months-long dance of seduction with Gary and their inevitable meeting, their unexpected falling in love, and now his visits to Minneapolis. Alex shook his head, making no attempt to hide his incredulity. That after so many sessions of Ben doubting that his sexual moments with men were true to what he was, that he was now hearing these words from the mouth of the man who had been in such denial for years. "Wow, just, wow. What does this even mean to you?"

Ben laughed at Alex's statement. "For one thing, I know for sure I like man to man sex. And it's nice to be in the state of love or love/lust--whatever you want to call it."

"Who knows about this?

"Just a few people. Maureen knows nothing unless she figured something out and hasn't told me. But that wouldn't be like her. I don't think that's why she left me."

"Tell me more about him and why you love him."

"He's bright and insightful. He's thirty-six but he feels like he's my age. I know that sounds foolish of me. But it's not some daddy-son thing. I don't care about him because he could be my son. I'm smart enough to know if that was the case. And I wouldn't continue to see him because that sort of thing really doesn't appeal to me. I like men my age, more or less. Or men who seem like they could be my age. If that makes any sense."

"I think I understand. What's your thinking about how this will play out?"

"That's part of why I'm here. Do I tell Gary about Maureen and raise his hopes for something more long term when I have no idea if that's what I want? What if I go back to her and mislead him? Is this finally the moment all these years of playing around with Dan and now Gary has led me to--declaring I'm gay and leading that life?"

"That's very dramatic thinking. Are you thinking that's even a possibility?"

He thought about his recent nights with Dan. The second was very much a return to their loving nights of old, without any hesitation. They hadn't fucked, but the kissing felt like their connection to each other resided deep inside them. The next morning's conversation had been a declaration that their love was still strong. Which they agreed, didn't preclude him from seeing Gary or even Dan seeing Alex if that possibility arose. "To answer your question, right now, at age sixty, I get more satisfaction from making love with a man than I had with Maureen in the last years we were together. And I enjoy the company of a man who's a friend more than a woman who's one. I'm not sure what that makes me."

"You don't think you are experimenting anymore?"

Ben smiled. "Today? No. Tomorrow, who knows? I don't think about having sex with a woman anymore. Regardless of whether I'm with a man or alone at home, thinking things through or even masturbating. And I still do that. I've always been a very sexual creature."

Ben had exceeded his appointment time. "Sorry I have run over."

"That's fine. Not sure when I've had a session with such unexpected news. But then, more than most clients, you seem to do that to me."

"Can I see you again? I didn't break our rules did I?"

"Set up a time on your way out."

Ben didn't get up, resting on the edge of his chair. "We're done right, Alex? Off the clock?"

"I think so."

"Then it's fair game to ask you something. That all right?"

"Yes, we are no longer in the therapist and client mode. What's on your mind?"

"How are you doing?"

"Good enough. What do you mean?"

"Since ending it with Danny. You must be having some tough moments?"

"Certainly. You know why I'm doing it, right? Same reason I almost ended it a year ago and the year before that."

"Does it have anything to do with loving him?"

Alex tried to respond, but leaned back in his chair. He attempted to respond a second time, but this time he brought his hands up to his face. "Should I leave?"

"No. Give me a minute."

Alex eventually leaned forward. "I guess we should end this discussion. Nothing much good can come out of it."

Ben stood up and knelt near Alex's knees. He took Alex's hands. "I wasn't trying to badger you into getting back together with Danny. Like the last time. I want to be your friend this time, like you've been to me. I'll get going. Love you, buddy."

Ben was just to the door when Alex's voice stopped him. "Wait a minute."

Alex beckoned him back into the room. They stood next to each other. "I have an odd request for you. I would like to talk to you more about my situation. This isn't the right place or time. But could we meet sometime soon?"

Ben smiled. "Would be my pleasure. It really would."

"I know how to get ahold of you. Thanks."

Alex called him the following week, sounding almost apologetic on the phone. Hemming and hawing about inviting him to talk. Ben laughed. "Alex, you sound just a person desperate for therapy but afraid to admit he needs it."

Ben drove to Alex's home directly from work a few days later, and when Alex greeted him, he had already change into sweat pants and a loosely fitting t-shirt. "Hope this hasn't taken you too far out of your way?"

"It's not bad. And I don't have much going on tonight. So I'm free and available."

"We've never talked much about your work other than I know you're in charge of HR. How has it been going?"

"Quite smoothly right now. Lots of health insurance issues. But it's a lull between storms in terms of some of the crises that I expect to arise sooner or later. My friend in the Twin Cities used to work with me. That's how I met him."

"We talked about the age differences the other day. As I thought about what you said, I was very impressed with your analysis of that issue. Almost twenty-five years. Dan and I are separated by many fewer years. But I was always aware of the age difference."

"Did that make him more appealing?"

"I never thought much about it. I'm very aware of the daddy-son desires that some men have. In both directions. It's a regular feature in my work with male clients."

"Would you call it part of a dysfunction?"

"I have clients for whom it's a really big deal. And to be honest, I don't really understand it. Sometimes it's just the younger man trying to find his father figure. But most of the time it seems like just a preference. Like somebody wanting someone of your body type or someone thinner. It's never simple to figure out and sometimes it's not worth trying to figure it out."

"How old are you now?"

"I'll be forty-six soon. But sometimes I feel so much older and wearier."

"Listening to people talk about the issues in their lives must do that to you."

"I always feel better after raking the leaves in the back yard."

Ben smiled at him as they sat on the porch, just a few feet away from each other. Not much different than if they were in Alex's office. "I'm surprised you followed through on inviting me over. I figured it was just a temporary impulse simply because I asked how you were doing."

"I haven't really had the time or inclination to seek a professional. In fact, I laughed at myself when I thought about it. In mockery. Like I should be able to handle this stuff with Dan myself. Sometimes, when I'm listening to my clients, it occurs to me, `why are they telling me this stuff? This shouldn't be a problem for them'."

"There is an addictive quality about talking to someone like you. Like with me, I think I came to you with big issues, like Ellie dying. Then all sorts of other issues rambled through my head and I just kept talking about them. Filling the air space. You know, just because I could. Because someone who is a good listener was willing to hear me out. I was vulnerable that way. Like the small shit became just as important as the big things. I lost the ability to discriminate between the two."

Alex smiled. "You've always impressed me with your insights. As though you had a gut instinct about the psychological dimension. Dan always said you are a `diamond in the rough.' Which I think is a bit unfair to you. Because you are a very intelligent man."

"Thank you. That's very nice. Danny wasn't putting me down when he said that, by the way. That's just the way he is. His need to categorize people like that. It's an endearing quality, but as you know, he can be a bit of an asshole, in his way. Just like everyone else."

"You think all of us have that `asshole' component?"

"O, yeah. Just takes a while to discover it. Doesn't mean we're lesser human beings. By the way, don't you have a friend who is closer to you than I am you could be talking to?"

"I'd like to say yes, but sadly no one. Some of my friends don't even know I'm gay."

"I'm not blaming you. Obviously, it's the same with me."

"Since you brought Dan and his idiosyncrasies into our conversation, do you mind if I talk about him and me?

"That's why you invited me over. So, yes, go ahead."

"He's the first for me in many ways. I was late in coming out. In my early thirties. Did I tell you I was once married to a woman?"

"No. What happened?"

"We were, and are, good friends. And I thought I could do that. Be with a woman. But it was like some director of a TV show cast the wrong man into a part. I was a terrible lover with her. It's almost laughable now. How inept I was."

"Can't be that bad. When you think of all the men and women going at it. Lots of them struggle to make it all fit together."

"Maybe. But if they have the innate desire to make it work, they will find their way. Even if it's a man with a real problem, like a very small penis. I've heard stories in my practice that are very sad."

"Was she experienced enough to know you were a misfit in your role?"

"No. She had lots of boyfriends, but I was her first sexual partner."

"How'd she know you weren't very good at it?"

"It took her a while. She suspected. One time she asked me if I liked being inside her."

Ben laughed. "That's a hint. What did you say?"

Alex laughed back. "When I said, I'm not sure, she said, `honey, do you ever think you need a man with a cock between his legs?'"

They were laughing in harmony now. Ben thought this one of more amusing things he'd heard in years. It reminded him how light hearted he got with Gary, especially about sexual matters. "She was very nice about it. About a month later, after having no sex with her, I told her she was right. I guess I always knew but couldn't accept it."

"Is she OK with it now?"

"Yes. We laugh all the time about that moment. In private. She said she'd never tell her husband."

"Sometimes I wonder what might happen if I told Maureen I'm interested in men more than her. If she'd laugh or be disgusted. Hey, sorry to go off track. How was Dan your first?"

"I had been with men before. Exploring. Had some dates. But he was the first man to make me feel like I was gay. Sexually. The way he pleasures me. The way he accepts me. The way he refuses to not allow me to orgasm. That I have to give into my desires, not control them. That was a big thing with me. Underneath this little man frame, I really am a control freak. And I wanted to control if I orgasmed or not. Thinking my role sexually was just to please the other guy."

"How did Danny get you over that?"

"Started on our first sexual date. He was giving me oral and somehow he knew I was holding back. Which can be a good thing in term of sharing the pleasuring. But I just couldn't give in. And he told me, for this time, he wanted me to let myself go. And I did and it was glorious. Overwhelming. A one of a kind moment. Like he opened up something in me so I could enjoy the give and take with a man in bed."

Ben smiled. "That's a very impressive thing to hear."

"It wasn't just that. I'm almost totally a bottom when it comes to that part of sex. He never forced me to top him. He suggested I try it. Just to see. But after that, he let me be what I am. And I know he sometimes wanted it the other way."

"Can I ask you something a little off topic?"

"Of course. What's your guess, when you look at me, do you think I'd prefer topping or bottoming?"

"Probably topping, given your appearance and your generally very masculine appearance. But I've learned from my clients not to make presumptions about such a thing."

"Because I'll do both. And I enjoy it even if there's no fucking. But there's something about bottoming that stirs me in a different way. Sorry, for the detour. Let's get back to you and Danny."

Alex chuckled. "We have something in common."

Ben had drifted a bit, enjoying the chat. As though this style of discussing the intimacies of his life was liberating. Akin to being with Gary. Alex could tell he had slipped off into thought and waited. "When did you fall in love with him, Alex?"

"Like with most people, it came in stages. He was turning me into such a different person sexually. Helping me become who I really am. That was so, what can I say, like I was turning myself inside out and letting the inside me be the person I am to all the world. Not that I was broadcasting, `Hey, I'm getting fucked and now I know what it's like to be gay.' But metaphorically, it felt that way."

"That's really nice, Alex."

"And as we saw each other more and more, sometimes once a week or every two weeks, I hungered for him. In every way. As a person and as a lover. But mostly it was how much I missed him when I didn't see him."

"You are very sweet to tell me all this stuff. I know you invited me over so you could tell someone. I'm happy to be the one hearing it."

"Because you love him, too?"

"That's just a small part of it. I don't want to be stealing your memories and imposing my own. That wouldn't be very sociable of me. But just to hear that two people I love can have such a sweet romance is very heartwarming."

"Then you can understand why it is so difficult to break it off with him. It has nothing to do with the love I have for him. It's for my future. I've got to find someone reasonably like him to love without all the limitations he brings to the bedroom."

"I do understand. Especially since I've been in the same situation with Dan...and now with Gary. Sooner or later, Gary will dump me for the same reason. That I'll always be married and that fact will always take precedence no matter how much I love him."

"Probably makes you just as sad as I am."

"If I let myself think about. Right now, I'm not letting myself do that. Kind of like you putting off your decision with Dan for months and years. And maybe Maureen and I are headed for the dumpster anyway. And I'll be free."

Ben wondered if he should tell Alex about Jenny, but knew he couldn't do that. He heard Alex's voice but didn't comprehend what he meant. "Would you repeat that?"

"Because it is so good. That's the hell of it."

"Fuck, Alex. There is nothing sweeter in the world than being in love. Have you ever had your phone in your hand and were about to call Dan and tell him, `One more time, Dan. Just one more'?"

Alex smiled. "O, boy. So many times. But I've got to see this thing through."

"Even if it's bad for your health?"

Alex laughed loudly. "Ben, you are so kind to listen to me. I've taken up enough of your time. When you see, Dan, say hello."

They stood up and Ben said, "Come here, little guy."

They embraced and then, when they should have separated, maintained the hug, with Alex holding on more than Ben. Though Ben was enjoying the affection as well. "Ben, I don't think we'll be together as therapist and client again. Especially after today. Certainly we can do this as friend and friend."

"I understand. And I'll hold you to it. Knowing myself as well as I do, I know I'll need you sometime."

"Could I do something I've wanted to do for years?"

"What's that?"

"Kiss you."

"Most certainly."

They kissed sweetly, and with just a hint of tongue. "Did it match your fantasies?"

"Yes, very much. But only a part of my fantasies."

Alex kissed him again with more passion. "Sorry. I shouldn't have done that--either time."

Ben laughed. "We're all just guys here, right? No secrets."

"Kind of like that."

"Would you like me to lie down with you awhile?"

"Yes. Holding me. Helping me get through it all."

Alex led him to the bedroom. "This is the place. The scene of all my passionate moments with Dan," Alex said.

They stretched out and Ben held him. Alex's head on his chest. "Was your father a big man like you, Ben?"

"A couple inches taller. About my weight. He tried to make me into a serious football player. He played in college."

"Was he successful?"

"I played throughout high school. It was never that big a deal for me. As a result, I was mediocre. Honorable mention all-conference, which mostly means, that for a kid my size, I was average."

Alex rubbed Ben's chest and belly as his head rested there. "Bet you fantasized about seeing me naked, too?" Ben said.

"Please, that's not fair."

Ben laughed. "Should I just tease you or leave?"

Ben touched the crotch area of Alex's sweatpants. "Naughty boy. Getting hard with a client. Wouldn't be good for the ethics committee to hear about this."

Alex laughed. "Please don't tell."

They kissed a few more times. "Do you really think I should stay any longer, Doc?" Ben asked.

"I'm very confused right now. Just so you know. I have no idea why I'm doing this."

"It's not that complicated, Alex. We had a very nice conversation about very intimate matters and it got us aroused. Conversation and matters of the heart do that to me. That explains it for me."

"You should have been a therapist if you like chatting like this so much."

"Then I'd have to listen to the bad shit. That's not very appealing."

Alex kissed him and tugged his dress shirt loose from his trousers. "Can I touch your chest and belly?"

Ben thought about Dan and what this moment would do to them. Would it prevent Alex from ever getting back together with Dan? Maybe Alex would become fixated on him. The man was so damn vulnerable. "What do you think, Alex?"

"We should stop. I'll just jack off after you leave."

Ben smiled. "If you going to do that anyway, do it with me."

Alex rubbed his hairy belly and his nipples. "If you start doing that, I won't be able to stop."

Alex pinched his nipples lightly. "Fuck, Alex. Now you're seducing me. I'm a very vulnerable man who's just lost his second wife," Ben said, laughing as did, but he kissed Alex again.

Ben slipped his hand inside Alex's loose t-shirt. "You were quite provocative dressing like this for my visit."

Alex unbuttoned Ben's shirt and rubbed his t-shirt. Ben sat up on the side of the bed. "Shit. If we do something like this, will you keep it a secret?"

"Of course," Alex said.

"Wouldn't it be easier if you just called Dan up and invited him over?"

"Yes and no. You were the one who said it wasn't that complicated."

"Yeah. I know. Boy, do I have weaknesses," Ben said.

"Like what?"

"Being here like this. I don't want it to be something we do very often."

Alex sat up next to him. "Let's stop. We both know it's not the right thing."

They stood up and embraced. "Thanks for telling me to go, Alex. I needed your strength."

"We'll always have this. This "almost" moment. In some ways, it's the second most arousing thing I've done in my life."

"What's number one?"

"Not saying."

"Good for you. I shouldn't know that anyway. Just so you know, I'll very likely go home and take of it, too."

"Let's think of each other as we do."

Ben drove a couple of blocks and pulled into a grocery store parking lot. He texted Gary and let him know how much he was missing him. And that he'd call tomorrow. Impulsively, he dialed Dan and Dan picked up after a few rings. "Hey, Danny, I know we didn't have anything planned for today. But it's Friday. Just wondering if you're free."

"I had an early supper a few hours ago."

"I wasn't thinking of food. Would you like to come over, maybe even spend the night?"

Dan hesitated. "Sorry if it's too much pressure. I was driving home and thought of you. Wondering if you're kind of lonely on a Friday night like I am," Ben said.

"Yes. I'd like to."

"I'm not twisting your arm am I? I don't want to be pushy."

"As a matter of fact, I was thinking of you, too. I can be there in an hour."

"Great. Take a shower before you leave. I'll leave the back door unlocked. Just come up to my bedroom."

Dan laughed. "Doesn't sound like spur of the moment at all."

"Not any more, it's not."

Ben drove home in a euphoric state. Dan with him in his home on a Friday night was more than he could have contemplated days earlier. He cleaned himself out and showered. He thought about the setting, but mostly he thought about how Gary hosted him. He left a few lights on downstairs and put clean sheets on the bed. He put out the lube for later and brought a few bottles of water up the bedroom. What to wear? What not to wear. He decided to go all out.

He heard Dan come into the house waking him from a light doze. He set the music to Lorraine Duggins and let it play. Orvy had given him some demos of the group, songs that never made it on the CD. So, they could listen to several hours of the music without a change. When Dan entered the room and saw Ben under the sheets, apparently naked, he stepped back. "Whoa, not what I expected Ben."

"Sorry, I thought you might be amused. Maybe even titillated."

"You just caught me off guard."

"Want me to get dressed?"

"No. Stay where you are. I'll lie next to you on top of the covers."

"Hope I didn't scare you off. Cause I don't want you to leave."

Dan laughed. "Just give me a few minutes. I'll join you."

Dan stretched out next to Ben. Ben pulled the covers to his shoulders. "Was the drive OK?"

"Sure. Not much daylight but it was still easy."

"Tell me about your week with Jenny?"

"Uneventful. I've given her the complete upstairs. We share the kitchen. I've taken over the den. There's a very comfortable futon bed where I'm sleeping. The basement bathroom has a shower. We ate together on two different occasions. Very harmonious. All things considered."

"Does she go out on her own at night?"

"She was tonight. She left before I did. Dressed up nice."

"Did you ask where she was headed?"

"None of my business, though I was curious. Seemed like she was meeting someone. Just the feeling I had."

"I'll give you credit for minding your own business."

"It's not that hard. She wants me to stay out of her personal life."

"Do you think she's already seeing someone?"

"I'm trying not to think about it. I want her to try it with a woman."

"I think she is seeing someone. Just my hunch. The only question is whether it's a man or a woman."

"If it's happening, it's not a man. Just my hunch."

Ben touched Dan's hand. "You seem to be OK about her. Like you're not faking it with me."

"I am OK. Maybe more than OK. It's a relief that I told you about it a few weeks ago. And what's going on with Maureen?"

"Easy enough to answer. I haven't seen her but once since I saw you last. And that was her just in and out of the house getting some of her clothes."

"I'll be honest. She's a tougher one to figure out than Jenny. Not talking to you--at least a little bit. Explaining things."

"It's like I won't ever see her again. Like she's dropped off the face of the earth."

"No chance she'd stop here on a Friday night""

"Always a chance, but I'd bet my pants sitting on the chair over there with my wallet in the front pocket she won't."

"Miss her?"

"Less and less every day. Seems crass, but that's the way I'm feeling."

Dan rolled onto his back and Ben continued to rub his hand. "Were you really thinking of me today?" Ben asked.

"Yes. I was wishing we were having one of our Friday night dinner meets. And then you called."

"I was so happy you picked up." Ben rolled onto his side, the bedding sliding down to his waist. "I apologize again for my condition when you walked in. Totally misjudged the situation."

"You weren't that far off."

Dan slipped off his t-shirt and moved closer to Ben. "You miss me or are you just exceptionally horny?"

Ben reflected back to Alex and how close they had had gotten to being naked. "I guess you can fill in the blank about my horniness. And I'm very glad it's you here, not some stranger down the street."

"That's funny. When I pulled into your driveway, your neighbor was outside. He didn't think you were at home. Told me that without me asking. Hope he doesn't think I'm a burglar."

"That's Old Raymond. He'll be OK."

They were rubbing each other's chest. "I'm wearing underwear when you're ready for that stage."

"Nice." Dan said as he slipped off his trousers and socks and slid into bed wearing just his briefs. He reached to Ben's shorts. "Do they feel familiar at all?" Ben asked.

"Should they?"

"I kept them after our second date, eleven years ago."

Dan laughed. "Do they fit you any better?"

"Nice and snug. Sill a full size too small."

"I give you a lot of credit for keeping your weight about the same. It's not that easy."

"Especially for a guy like me, with the build I have." Ben rubbed Dan's chest and belly. "You feel very good. You've always felt that good, even the first time. You remember what I did afterword that first time?"

"It was memorable. You freaking out over what we did. Telling me to get the fuck out of your motel room."

"We made up for that," Ben said.

"You really did, Ben. Finding me a year later and making love to me. That was our ass date. Remember that?"

"Sort of. Do you?" Ben asked.

"Most of it. We took a shower with our underwear on. That's how you got the briefs you're wearing. You confessed you'd become a bit obsessed with a man's ass. We rimmed each other. Something we often did after that when we met. More than anything, you seemed to be very satisfied with what we did. Like something had changed in you. After that meeting, Ellie got worse and many of our early meets were you needing to get away from home and her condition. But I always thought that second meeting was the first time I could trust you with my secret. That I wanted this sort of thing. And that maybe you did, too."

"Yes, it was an important moment. Now here I am wondering how to handle this thing going forward. Unencumbered by marriage. No desire really to see women. Do I make myself public about all of this?"

"I know what you mean. Those same thoughts rumble through my thinking quite easily."

"To be continued, right? We need to keep each other updated on this stuff."

Dan rolled into Ben's chest and kissed him again. "I'm over the shock of walking in here and finding you in bed."

They kissed deeply, eyes closed, letting all the past moments of their lovemaking stretch out before their minds. They were each other's first in so many ways. And even now, they were the first to hear each other talk about their possible new lives without their marriages. Part of the charm of their enduring love for each other was this intimate sharing. Ben smiled as he kissed him, thinking in the back of his mind, how Dan made love with Alex. Was it this fulfilling in terms of touching the depths of their souls? Was his intimacy with Gary this fulfilling on that level? Or simply different? Perhaps just as moving? Dan was licking his nipples when he came back from these thoughts. He had first discovered this nipple pleasure years ago and now it was a regular part of his ritual with men. He had told Maureen how much he enjoyed it, but she failed to understand it could provide him with as much pleasure as the more obvious ones. She was an adventurous lover, but not nearly as good as Dan or Gary. He moaned as Dan licked his balls through the tight briefs, and he spread his legs inviting him to do whatever he wanted. Dan pulled the underwear off and Ben felt himself slip away as Dan's tongue touched all the spots on his upper thighs and below his balls. No woman had ever pleasured him like this. Could a woman even contemplate how greedy he was for it? Should he even have expected a woman to understand it? Was it any wonder he now preferred a man as his lover? Dan rose to kiss him and Ben told him to lie still while he explored his friend.

Dan closed his eyes as Ben toured all the erogenous zones on his torso. He was always surprised at how much a man's tongue inching its way up to his arm pits made him shudder. Who would have thought when he was a young lover that it was one of those spots that undid him sensuously? Alex didn't always return as many of the favors that Ben did in terms of making him aroused. Ben was unique in that respect. He had enormous energy to give and receive pleasure. He didn't know if Ben's innate ability to be such a versatile lover had been stimulated by their early dates together, when they both had an insatiable craving for each other. But he knew that Ben's impulses as a lover had made him a better sex partner in return. It entertained him to examine how his four male lovers were so different at reaching his pleasure zones. It was silly for him to expect they would all be as generous as Ben usually was. Was it simply they were each other's first and they each expected the best in return?

Ben kissed him on the lips. "Do you remember how we got each other off the first time?"

"We 69ed. Which seemed very adventurous at the time."

"It was. And even the second time, with all that ass play. We were making leaps ahead with our experimentation."

"You seemed to come into those situations with something on your mind. It was easy for me to follow."

"Is that the way you feel tonight, Danny?"

Dan laughed. "You were in bed in an aroused state. Seems like you are leading the pace."

"But now, after you've gotten into bed with me?"

"We are on equal footing now. Trading pleasures. We understand each other that way."

"Is this what you'd like to do tonight, talk and tease? Or something more? I'm not sure where we are in terms of making love. This is wonderful, don't get me wrong. Being aroused with you again. But I'd like you to tell me what you want. You've had so many more new experiences with Alex and Chester."

"You have, too. With Gary."

"We are different men compared to a few years ago. More complete with our experiences."

"You feel the same and different at the same time. Just getting used to you again and how you feel different is very pleasurable."

Their conversation wound down and they rubbed their hands on each other. Dan followed Ben's lead. Chest, belly, legs and a long time rubbing up and down the thighs. The rubbed each other's balls and below them. They spread their thighs, and their fingers ran from their balls across their taints to the edge of their holes. Each of them took turns moaning with pleasure. "O, God, this epitomizes man to man pleasure. Touching each other there," Ben said.

"Yeah. Like it's the gateway to something I never in a million years dreamt was possible. That entire area. I had to learn it was this sensitive to a man's touch. Until I let myself say, `accept it, it is part of you'," Dan said.

Their cocks were stiff reacting to the touches near their asses. Ben's fingers played with Dan's shaft, moistened by his precum. Dan did the same. "I could suggest more, but this touching is almost bringing it out of me. It's sensational stimulation," Dan said.

"Yes, something so simple," Ben said.

Ben stroked him and Dan said, "I can't stop it," as he erupted.

Ben smiled and rubbed his own with Dan's cum, moaning as he erupted into his chest and belly hair. They turned to each other and kissed.

As they drifted into sleep, their bodies in an elevated place, Lorraine Duggin's voice returned again. She had been singing throughout their conversation and lovemaking, but in the background. But now she was front stage and center as she sang the lines from "For All We Know."

Orvy's cornet followed for an extended solo, taking them along with him, dreamily along the river of life. Then Lorraine returned. Ben was the first to sing along with her. When Dan heard their voices sing "Before you go make this moment sweet again," he joined in. The three of them blended together for the last verse:

For all we know

This may only be a dream

We come and we go

Like the ripples on a stream.

So love me tonight

Tomorrow was made for some

Tomorrow may never come

For all we know.

The two of them rolled into each other, kissing sweetly. The cum on their bellies made the embrace a bit slippery. Dan laughed. "Gooey, huh?"

"Deliciously, so. We can shower in a minute."

But then Ben's words caught and Dan knew he had tears. "Sad?"

"No. I'm too happy. When I get that way, sadness is just a step away. So, I'm feeling the mix of you and me. The past and the right now. Hoping we don't lose each other again and realizing, at the same time, we now have other men we love."

"Yeah. Just enjoy right now. Who knows what will happen."

"You're right of course. Sometimes I think our love is beyond right now. It's certainly rooted in the past. Hope something like this is always there."

Dan kissed him. "Thanks for being my lover and friend," Ben said.