Thanks for all the kind emails everyone, it encourages me to know people like what I am writing!
As usual, I do not know *NSYNC, I don't know if they're gay, I have no affiliation with any people who work for them and all of this is purely a fantasy in my own head.
- PREVIOUSLY ON DANNY AND LANCE -
"So you guys knew I was coming, huh?"
"Yeah, JC told us..." said Chris. "Lance doesn't though, we weren't sure if he'd come if he knew."
"Well he knows now," I replied.
They both turned to look at what I was staring at. There, across the room, Lance Bass stood staring back at me.
CHAPTER EIGHT
Every single emotion I had ever felt for Lance came back to me in that moment. The happiness, the rush of blood to the head I got every time I saw him, the love I felt for him, but also the pain of his infidelity, the loss of him leaving. It all flooded back into my brain so quickly I thought I was going to fall over.
Then he was gone, disappeared back into the crowd.
"Dude you should go talk to him," said Chris after he turned back to me.
"I don't think that's a good idea," I replied, still staring into the crowd.
"Really man, it would be great. Lance took your break up really hard and--"
"Well it was hard for me too!" I snapped. Joey and Chris looked at each other, realizing they couldn't push me to do it.
"Look, we're sorry," said Chris. "We just know that you were both happy when you were together, and we want to see that happen again."
I looked at both of them and lightly shook my head. "I need a drink," I said as I walked away towards the bar. I mixed myself a strong Sapphire tonic and too a big sip of it and closed my eyes, trying to calm down. Suddenly a voice came from behind me.
"Hi."
My eyes snapped open and I turned around to see Lance standing right in front of me. It had been two years since I had last seen him and I didn't know what to say.
"How are you?" he asked.
"I'm fine, how about you?"
"Good...good."
Awkward silence.
"So," I said, "enjoying the party?"
"Yeah it's fun. JC's having a good time, which is what matters I suppose." I laughed politely in response and went back to looking at my drink. Lance spoke again. "Listen, I didn't mean to freak you out or anything a few minutes ago. It's just... I didn't know you were coming and I saw you and I just didn't know what to do so I ran to JC to ask him what you were doing here and he told me what happened. I'm sorry if I looked too surprised."
"It's ok, don't worry about it."
There was another long awkward silence before I grew too uncomfortable. "Well, I should get back to my friend."
"Oh...you're here with someone?"
"Yes. No. Well I mean it's my friend Anna, she's over with Justin I think." We both looked over to see Justin and Anna grinding to the music, having a great time. We both chuckled at the sight, and looked at each other as our smiles faded. Obviously I had no reason to get back to her, and he knew it. We both sat there nursing our drinks for a few minutes.
"So what do you do here in L.A.?" he asked. I told him what I was doing then asked what he's been up to since he's been on a break from the band. He said he's been working on some movies, some kids' shows, and a few other things.
"Cool," I said. After a minute I continued "You look good, Lance."
He smiled. "Thanks Danny. You do too." He paused.
"I've thought about you a lot these past few years," I explained. "I saw your Pop Odyssey tour when you came to San Diego."
"Really? Why didn't you try to come say hello? You know you would have been let backstage."
"I just didn't think it was appropriate. I also wasn't really sure if I wanted to see you."
"Oh." He looked sad at that remark. "Listen, can we go somewhere? I want to talk to you."
I was torn. All I wanted to do was embrace him and go back to the way things were, but I just couldn't. "Lance I--"
"Listen, I know you don't want to, but I have to say some things to you. Please?" He gave me those big puppy dog eyes.
"Ok," I relented, and we walked upstairs to a room in JC's house. We both sat down on the edge of the bed and he started talking.
"First of all, I want to say I'm sorry for what happened between us. I had stopped sleeping with Colin a month before I saw you, and I had thought I could keep it a secret because I felt so horrible about it, but I couldn't lie to you because I loved you too much."
We were both staring at the floor.
"When you asked me to leave, it broke my heart. I was fucked up for about a year after that. I really felt like I had lost the best thing in my life, which has always been one of my fears: finding someone so great and then screwing it up completely and ending up alone. I have thought about you so much over the past two years, and when I saw you tonight...I didn't know what to think. It was like the world stopped like it used to when I saw you, like everyone else was gone. I got so excited like I used to feel...like I was in love."
There was a pause to let this sink in. Then I spoke.
"I was pretty messed up too. I felt so betrayed, so deeply hurt by the first man I had ever loved. I went out and started sleeping around just to try and dull the pain and keep my mind off of it. Eventually I stopped because I realized sex wasn't helping and I needed to deal with my feelings. I moved to L.A. after I graduated because I needed to get away from all the memories attached to things down there. I needed to move on with my life, personally and professionally. I felt bad about kicking you out, I really did. I wanted to call you so many times, but just couldn't."
"You should have."
"I know, but I just got so nervous for some reason. After I came here, and saw pictures of you at various events, I thought I'd run into you somewhere. I actually went to a taping of America's Most Talented Kid just so I could see you and--"
"You were wearing a maroon shirt."
He had caught me off guard, and I looked up from my hands which I'd been staring at for the whole conversation. "What?!"
"I thought I saw you in the audience once, but I thought I was just imagining it because it was a little dark where you were sitting. Second to last row right?"
"Wow...um, yeah. That was me."
We both returned to staring at our hands. I just wanted to reach out and grab him. Deep down I still felt as strong about him as I did before, but I couldn't do anything about it. I looked over to him and he met my gaze. I could tell both of us were just happy to be with each other again.
"Lance," I began, "you really did hurt me." He looked down again. "But I think I may have hurt us more. I knew the ball was in my court when you left, and I didn't do anything about it."
"No, no Danny it's not your fault at all, it's--"
"Regardless," I cut him off, "I still care about you. I don't care anymore that you slept with someone while we were together. I haven't cared for a long time, I just know that ever since you left there has been something missing in my life, something I didn't even know I needed before you came into my life. I care about the way we made each other feel. Maybe since both of us live in the same place now it would be different. Maybe..."
"Maybe it would work," Lance finished for me.
"Yeah. Yeah maybe it would work. But we'd have to start over, from the beginning. I think we could both use a fresh start."
He smiled heartily. "Yeah. I'm ok with that."