Hey there. This is my second attempt at a gay love series. Maybe you have read my other series, "Blake's Love" in the past. I really hope this one has the success that Blake has had. I appreciate all the comments on my other stories, and hope you enjoy Days Go By. You can send ANY COMMENT at Boyinterrupted85@aol.com, and VISIT my website at http://GTHQ.homestead.com.
Make sure you sign my guest book. Thanks again, Gary T.
Days Go By
"The Poem" _________________
Days Go By
As the days go by, and another one comes to an end I realize I need you as more than a friend Whenever I am close to you I start to feel What I have always wanted to be real As the days go by, and you are so near I can't help but to feel some fear If I were to lose you in any way I could not live another day When I go home at night, God knows I miss you Not a night passes without me using a tissue So often the tears begin to flow This is what I need you to know... I love you Blaine. God is it true. There is no me without you
Imagine that, someone crying over me. I never thought that could happen. Yep, I'm Blaine, and somebody loves me. A lot of people love me. I found that poem lying in my locker on Friday last week, right before I left to go to the bus. I was just about to turn the corner when I seen my best friend, Sebastian, shove it in one of the little air slots. Whether or not it's from him is beyond me. I've been sitting here all weekend thinking about it. I don't think he seen me when I was turning the corner, or he would have explained why he was shoving something into my locker. I have tried to call him, but he won't pick up the phone, and I know he's home. I'm officially baffled by the whole situation. Tomorrow is Monday, is he going to ignore me then too? It's not like I would freak out if it were him, I just wish I knew who it was. That's some pretty deep shit. If you got that in your locker, you would want to know too.
I've probably read through the poem 200 times since I found it. Unfortunately, it was typed, so I can't try to recognize the handwriting. I talked to Imagin, another close friend of mine about it. I left out the part about who I seen put it there, and made her promise not to tell anyone about the whole thing. The last thing I need is someone thinking I'm gay. It's hard enough keeping it hidden now.
Yeah, I'm gay. Not like I asked for it. I really am proud of who I am, but things could be so much easier without it added to the list of terrible things in my life. I've been pretty depressed up till I found that poem, it really made me feel like I was 12 again, with no worries in the world.
Can you remember that? Not having a thing in the world to worry about, besides playing fair with your friends. God, that really is how I've felt lately.
Now I'm 17, and I manage pretty well as a junior in my school. My friends and I are the popular crowd. Why? I don't have a clue; we've always been this way. I don't know how else to be. I was on the football team last year, but the coach told me to concentrate on my academics. Needless to say, I was a little too dedicated to the team.
When I was little, Sebastian and I were pretty good friends. When we were in about 7th grade, we met Imagin. She had just moved to Russell Springs, a suburb of Champaign, IL. She wasn't used to the small town atmosphere, she had lived in New York. Sebastian and I had a lot of fun showing her around and teasing her about her accent. Those were the days when we didn't have a care in the world. People's opinions didn't matter half as much then as they do at our age now.
But now is what matters. I figured out what I would do. I was going to school tomorrow, and I was acting like nothing was different. I just want to see what Sebastian's reaction would be. I'm hoping he'll be edgy and jumpy; cause that would confirm what I pretty much already know is true.
I'm pretty cute, or so everyone thinks. I'm prep; AE, Gap, and Banana Republic are the places I shop. I'm like 5' 11" with curly blonde hair, you know, like Justin Timberlake's. But mines obviously better, I'm not digging the afro he's had lately. And to top off my looks, I have deep blue eyes, almost exactly like Christina Aguilera's. They're the kind of eyes you can get lost in. I frequently stare at my own eyes in the mirror. They really do look great.
Sebastian is really cute too. Brian, this senior at school, is almost cuter than me. So Sebastian is right after him. I'm first.
He's a couple inches taller than me, like 6'1" or something. He has dark blonde hair that he combs forward and slightly up in the front. He's got hazel eyes, really cute ones. Sebastian and I have almost the exact same build. The toned, but not muscular one, I really don't like guys with a lot of muscles.
I know what you're thinking.
"Dang, this boy has a major ego problem."
Yes, I do. I know what all the rejects in school think about me.
"Who does he think he is? He's not better than us."
But, you see, I am. They go home after school and cry because they aren't popular, while I go home and call my friends up and make plans.
Sorry kiddies, but I got you beat.
I'm not a mean person, or at least I don't think I am. But, I know what I'm capable of, and so do all those less popular kids.
I also see all those little freshman girls looking at me. Sometimes I just walk down the hall and wink at them. Then I'll peak out the corner of my eye and see her turn around to her friends and grab their arm saying something like "Oh my god, Blaine McNamie just winked at me!" So, I'm not a bad person, because I know that I've made that girl's week a lot better.
I still wonder why Sebastian wouldn't answer the phone, I'm almost certain he was home. If he has the guts to write and deliver that poem, then why not answer the phone when I try to call him? That's why I'm just going to act like nothing is different tomorrow. Hopefully he'll spill his guts.
I popped in a CD I made with my CD burner and lay down on my bed. It was getting late and I put my stereo on sleep timer do I didn't have to worry about turning it off.
I guess I fell asleep really fast, because pressing the sleep timer button was about the last thing I remembered doing. It was about 6:15 when I woke up and I had to be to school at 7:05 so. I jumped in for a nice shower and ate a quick breakfast.
I met Sebastian, Imagin and a few other friends in the cafeteria. Imagin greeted me just as usual.
"Hey Blaine, you look tired." Said Imagin.
"What else is new?" I replied.
"I know what you mean, thank goodness Christmas vacation is only two weeks away." She said.
I noticed Sebastian sitting on a bench sort of facing away from the rest of us.
"Hey Seb, I tried calling you this weekend, where were you?" I said, hoping to get something out of him.
"I-I was home, just didn't feel good." He replied, never looking at any of us.
"You must still be sick, cause you sure are quiet." Imagin told him.
"Yeah, I'm feeling a little under the weather." Sebastian said turning and giving a weak smile.
I could tell Sebastian was waiting for me to bring up the note I found. Being the big flirt I was, I would normally have been bragging about it or something. Even I admit that.
"I gotta get going to class you guys, as always I have to finish my assignment before it's due this morning." I said to everyone as they waved bye.
I headed for my Chemistry class and finished that homework I was supposed to do over the weekend. I was almost certain Sebastian wasn't sick. He was just nervous, as you could expect. I know I would be if I had written a poem like that to someone I cared for, and then even more if they didn't acknowledge it. But, I had to do this, because I want to play around with Sebastian a little before I let him know I seen him put it in my locker.
It was the second to last class of the day, the only one I have with Sebastian. We sat right next to each other. When I got to the door, the place Seb and I normally meet and then walk in, he wasn't there. He was already sitting down with his head buried in his arms on the desk. He wasn't taking this whole situation lightly. Maybe I should just tell him I found the poem.
This was the most boring class, U.S. history before 1870 or something. I hated it.
I sat down in my seat and took a glace over at Sebastian. I was seriously considering telling him about finding the poem. He was my best friend, seeing him like this really made me feel bad.
"Hey Sebastian, what's up?" I asked.
"Not much." He said lifting his head up.
He could hardly look at me. I felt so bad; I just had to tell him.
"Hey, Sebastian, I found this poem in my locker last week."
"Really?" He said lifting his head up and looking over at me for the first time.
"Yeah, and, um...I seen you put it there. It was really sweet." I said.
I was really nervous now; I just told him that it was sweet. If he didn't put it there, what would I do?
"Do you really think it was sweet?" He asked.
I couldn't believe it, I thought for sure he'd try to deny that he put it there. I was glad he didn't though because I guess I liked him somewhat too. I mean I never really put much thought in it. We both act so straight, that you would never suspect the other of having feelings for you.
"Yeah, it was."
"I never expected it to go like this." Sebastian said.
"Neither did I." I replied.
It was the weirdest thing. We didn't say anything else. We just sat there the rest of the class, did our assignment, and smiled to each other before we left for our last class of the day.
After last hour class I went to my locker. Before I opened it, the thought of what I found last week flashed through my mind. I was hoping to find a note or something at the bottom of my locker explaining a little about our situation. I actually wish finding out we liked each other went a little different. While I was deep in thought over the event, Imagin knocked me on the shoulder as she handed me a note.
"Ouch, what's this?" I asked holding up the note.
"I dunno, Sebastian told me to give it to you." She replied.
"Oh, ok. Thanks." I said looking at the note in my hand.
"No prob, what are we doing today?" She asked.
"I'm not really sure, got any ideas?" I asked back, really not caring.
"Well, let's just go out for pizza." She said.
"Sounds good to me, I'll call Sebastian and tell him to come along too." I replied.
"Cool, see you later." Imagin said, giving me a big hug.
I tucked the note in my pocket and walked to my car. This day certainly was strange. With the poem he wrote me, I expected Sebastian to react a little differently than he did.
I drove home and did some stupid ass homework, not a thing I do often. I normally do it the next day or skip it all together. I wasn't doing too well in Chemistry though, so my teacher gave me some notes to copy. I remembered that note that Seb told Imagin to give me. I reached into my pocket and pulled the crumpled paper out, slightly damp from my sweat.
I read the usual To: Blaine, From: Sebastian thing, and then opened it up.
......Blaine. Hey there. Sorry bout class earlier, you probably think I was regretting giving you the poem on Friday. I made sure you were walking around the corner when I put it in your locker. I know it all seemed a little fishy, and I'm sorry I didn't answer your phone calls. It's sorta weird for me to bring this up now, because I've wanted to for so long. I hope you can understand that. I do like you; I mean everyone in school knows you're cute. Whether they are girls, or straight boys. Your beauty is unmistakable. I've fantasized about you ever since we met back in 4th grade. I hope there can be something between us, but it's hard for me to talk about it in person, so I figured a note would suite the situation much better. Well, I must take a quiz. Love, Sebastian......
That certainly helped explain the situation a little better. I felt the same way about talking in person. Even though I had come to except myself as gay, I had a very hard time admitting it to others. Let alone a guy, a friend, a best friend, that now admits he likes me.
I actually had a smirk on my face from the note, and a raging hardon to top it all off.
I thought about calling him, but that would be weird too, so I decided to write him back.
......Dear Sebastian, Hey man, just to be blunt, which you know I am, I like you too. I mean I never really put much thought into it, because we both act so straight. It's like even though we have probably liked each other for a long time, it was too hard to admit it to ourselves, let alone to each other. I'm glad that we can now though. I really understand that you don't like to talk in person about this stuff, at least not for now. I feel the same way; it's a really strange situation. Well, talk to you tomorrow. Love, Blaine......
I folded the note and put it in my coat pocket. I called Imagin and asked her if we were still on for pizza, I was really hungry and Mom wasn't home to cook.
She must have flown to my house after I hung up the phone, because she was there to pick me up in a matter of minutes.
"Did you call Seb and tell him we were goin out?" She asked.
"Shit, I forgot. Lets just ride over there and see if he's busy."
"k." She replied.
I walked up to the door, actually a tad nervous and knocked.
"Hey Mrs. Fox, is Sebastian here?"
"Yeah Blaine, he's up in his room, I'll go get him for you." She replied.
"Thanks." I said, hearing her footsteps go up the stairs to get him.
I waited at the door for a few seconds and I heard Seb's mom tell him I was here. I heard his slightly heavier footsteps come down the stairs, followed by his mom's.
"Hey Sebastian, we were wondering if you wanted to grab some pizza, Imagin's out waiting now." I said, scratching my head.
"Yeah, lemme grab my coat." He replied.
After he got his coat, and we started to the car, I passed the note I wrote from my pocket to his. I gave it a little pat as he stuck his hand in to feel what it was.
Our night out went like any other. We laughed and joked and ate, just like always. The whole "finding out my best friend likes me" thing wasn't necessarily what I expected. I've read those stories online, with all the passionate lovemaking. This was far from that, but I enjoyed it just as much. Knowing that we liked each other, but being able to stay the same meant a lot to me. Even if Sebastian and I could have a relationship, I didn't want anyone else knowing, at least for a little while.
Imagin dropped me off and then went on to take Sebastian home. I sat back in the recliner and turned on the tube. Some election 2000 shit was on, looks like Bush finally won, not that I agree, but at least it's over. I swear I never thought we were going to get a president. I flipped around and stopped on the rerun of TRL. I watched *Nsync take number one. For the most part they deserve it, but it would be nice to see some other great songs get recognized. I was really getting sleepy, so I turned off the TV, and went upstairs. I took a quick shower, and went to bed. I was anxious about what the next day would bring, I have a feeling it's only going to get better.
"Hey Blaine." Imagin said with a sad look on her face when I got to school Tuesday morning.
"Hey, what's wrong?" I asked.
"Oh nothing really, just tired. After I dropped you and Sebastian off, I went over to Peter's house. Needless to say I didn't get much sleep."
"Oh, I thought you were done with him, for the 12th time." I said.
Peter was Imagin's on and off again boyfriend of 2 years. Basically, whenever they were super horny they would get together for a night or two. They haven't dated much in the last year; it's been more of a fling.
"Well, of course I'm DONE with him, but I can still use him every once and awhile, right?" She asked, seeking my approval.
"Whatever keeps you sane." I replied sarcastically.
Now, I'm the first to admit I've been walking around the block since my 8th grade year, but the whole Imagin and Peter thing is getting old.
"Well, I'm off, talk to you later Imagin. Oh, is Sebastian here?" I asked, almost forgetting.
"Yeah, he said he needed to go straight to class. And told me to tell you hi, so "hi"."
"Oh, bye." I replied walking out the door, I think that Imagin is suspecting of something. She either knows that something strange is going on between the two of us, or she just thinks im going crazy. Some of the looks she's been giving me lately aren't too pleasant.
I walked to my locker to put away my coat and book bag. On the way I ran into my friend Branden, we exchanged words and I found out that a senior had just came out. A cute guy named Justin. Of course, Branden made come rude comment about how he was a fag after all.
And then you wonder why I don't want anyone to know I'm gay.
......Blaine, hey man. I just wanted to write you and say I really had fun last night. I never was able to tell you how much I appreciate the times I share with you. I know it's still a little weird, but maybe we could go out sometime. I would really like to get to see a side of you that no other guy has ever seen. Thanks for writing me back, and I hope to get another note from you soon. Love always, Sebastian......
Yeah, Sebastian had left a note in my locker. I really think I like this note thing. I don't have to talk; it's like carrying on a relationship without all the things that suck. Well, I guess sex is missing, but it'll come eventually.
I went straight to 1st hour so I could write him back, somehow these notes really got me horny. The whole secretive thing really got to me.
......Hey Sebastian, Wsup? Not much here, just got in 1st hour. Yeah, I'd love to go out with you too. I'm open Saturday, if you'd like to come over to my house. My parents won't be home, so we could order a pizza and rent a few movies, get some booze, and whatever happens, happens. Well, tell me what you think about my idea, I'll talk to you later. Love, Blaine......
...School was such a drag this week. Not to mention Sebastian didn't like my idea of a date. He took over the planning. Today is Friday, so I have one more day before I know what he planned. He won't tell me. I hope that some physical activity is in the agenda. Sorry to sound like a horny bitch, but I haven't gotten any in a few months, and normally I can't even go for a few weeks.
The one scary thing about all this I've never done it to another guy. I've never touched a dick besides my own, so I'm even more excited because of that.
One thing I know is that for the first time, I feel like I could be in a real relationship. It hasn't even really started and I feel wonderful. I never thought I'd be the "relationship type". I always thought that I'd be the one person at my high school reunion that never had someone special in his life. Now, those feelings are gone. I know I'll find someone, even if that someone doesn't turn out to be Sebastian. But in the mean time, I'm with Sebastian. And for the first time in my life, I feel proud to say I am with someone...without it being for sexual reason. Though sex would be a nice touch any day, this feels good all on its own.
Everyone in school knows me for the big flirt I am, and that's really what I want to change. Yeah, I am egotistical, and I do have an attitude problem. Those are what make me, well, me. But what I do know is that now that I finally am going out with another guy, all those things that make me "me" are starting to fade.
Two or three notes, that's all it took to make me realize how much of an ass I could be. I'm pledging to myself, and to Sebastian, that I want our relationship to work, and that I don't look at him as just "another fuck."
Well, now that I've talked and talked, and probably started to bore you a few paragraphs ago, I'm gonna head off to bed and see what tomorrow brings. Hopefully Sebastian and I will talk, and I mean really talk, about all the things we've wanted to say.
Sebastian and I are really good friends, but we are so tied up in the portrayal of a straight life, that it's hard for us to really show each other how we feel. That's definitely what I plan to change tomorrow. ____________________________________________________________________
Well, there's chapter 1 of Days Go By. I am really not digging the whole direction it's been going in. I've changed it around, tried fixing it up here and there. I've tried a whole bunch of different stuff. Maybe it worked, maybe not. PLEASE tell me if you think it did or not at Boyinterrupted85@aol.com or leave me a message in my guest book at Http://gthq.homestead.com. Thank you for taking the time to read my story, and while you are at my site, take a look at the story archive to see some other stories I've written. Thanks again, Gary T.