Dealing

Dealing Part 3 By CJ

Ok, thanks for waiting on this. I am glad I got some e-mail from fans saying to take my time and all. I know how it can be waiting, since I read a lot of stuff on Nifty as well. So, I am really sorry. Like it said in my delay though, my computer totally let me down. Lol But it is back now so here is the story also.

Oh and remember, all hat legal and fiction stuff. it's still the same.

RECAP ON CHAP. 2: "Hey Justin." Brian said when he and Justin were the only ones left in the room. Justin turned around and looked at Brian nodding very slightly.

JC hung outside the door waiting for Justin to come out. He had to try and patch up a friendship. That was the most important thing for him right then. It meant more to him than wanting to be with Justin romantically. Maybe they were meant to just be friends?

"AJ, do you need a ride home?" Kevin asked as he held the door leaving the building open for AJ. AJ went through and nodded.

"Actually, I would like a ride to your house. I have some stuff to pick up. If that's OK?" Kevin nodded. He was hurt. He had meant home as his house, as their house. AJ had practically moved in there whenever they were in Orlando and had a chance to stay at their homes. Now it was just a place he had some `stuff to pick up.' He shook his head of these thoughts as he walked with AJ to his car, in silence.

NOW CHAPTER 3:

Brian just stood hands on table, trying to look a little confidant while talking to Justin. He heard Justin sigh heavily as he turned around. Brian had finally I clear picture of Justin without having to turn his view to prevent being caught. "Oh. Justin, what. are you okay?" Brian was referring to the aspects he had seen in Justin at the table, but much worse. Justin's stance was somewhat hindered, like he couldn't stand much longer. His face seemed to drop bearing no resemblance to a face that had never felt a smile. He had lost the tan he had had, but more so, he had lost the glow around his body that would remind anyone of an angel. Brian was looked as sad of this as Justin did.

Justin sighed once more as he sat down. Brian took that into mind, as he recalled thinking how Justin couldn't stand too long. "I know you don't wanna talk about my health. Listen, I have a lot of things to get together before we leave for Germany. What do you want." Brian was hit hard. Justin was so cold with his words and his face. That was something Brian never saw, and he had a feeling no one else did either. He wasn't sure what to say.

"I guess. you are right. I don't wanna to talk to you about your health. I wanted to talk about us. But I don't think I wanna talk to you at all. I don't. I don't think I know who you are. You are different. You must've found something on your journey right? Since you are so chipper." Brian took his hands from the table he had been leaning on and started towards the door.

"Don't give me that holier than thou shit. I don't want to hear it or your sarcasm. You are no one to be judging me right now." Justin didn't move, but his voice sent ripples through the room. "You were the one saying goodbye. You are the one saying it was better I leave. And now I am the bad guy for doing it? No, I don't think so. You are nothing but a hypocrite. Don't be mad at me for the consequences of your actions." Brian turned just short of the door. He was, needless to say, surprised. It may seem stupid, but Justin, to him anyway, was not a being who could be saying the things the boy who sat before him shot out.

"Don't blame me. I was scared and confused." Brian was hurriedly interrupted.

"And you think I wasn't? I think it was painful clear that I was in the same boat as you. But I was the one saying goodbye."

Brian sighed feeling tired. "Things happened so fast. I was worried that you. I didn't know if. whatever it was, don't blame me for this." He voice was rising and falling as the words were uttered out. He didn't know what he was trying to say. He was afraid he would regret it later so he tried to stop. "You know. I thought you would be waiting for me? I thought. I would always know where you were?" Justin stood up as fast as he could and turned to Brian who was taken by more than shock. He had never seen anyone move so fast.

"I know. I know you are not trying to say that I should wait for you." Justin's voice level raised as he was insulted by Brian's suggestion. "I mean, it's not like I have found another, but I am not waiting around for you to come back. Anyway, you said it was better that I leave. And maybe you were right. I mean, we went a little fast, and we are so different, I'm too young, and you are unsure of what you want, and we are both not ready." Justin's voice changed from sudden anger to a pleading forgiveness. Brian could tell he was not in control of his emotions, not as much as he should be. "Listen, I am sorry that I. things haven't been easy. And no, I am not just talking about the stuff with you. There is a lot more in my life than that. You add, don't get me wrong, but you add to a big pile." He looked away before deciding he had said what he needed to say. Brian couldn't think of anything to say. He watched Justin go from one extreme to the next, as the tears became visible on Justin's cheeks. He simply turned to the door.

"I am sorry. Whether it not it makes a difference, or even matters but I am."

"Don't be. It's not you. It's me." He heard in a slight whimper. Brian turned the knob to exit. This was all too real for him.

JC stood waiting. He had managed to get everyone gone without asking him questions about why he was staying. But Justin still had not come out. And neither had Brian. He thought back to the uneasiness when he tried to talk to Brian earlier, but he had dismissed it than to him being upset with the Justin thing. But then there was the way Justin kept drifting his eyes to Brian. Maybe he was just being paranoid? Or was he?

These thoughts were dismissed when he heard a loud shout. "I know. I know you are not trying to say." Then the voice was inaudible. He couldn't mistake that voice. But what was causing such anger? He tried to hear, but there was only silence.

Brian walked out and sighed. This confused him more than the night they had gotten together, and split up. Now, he was unsure if he had done this. He couldn't shake the fact Justin looked ill. Seriously ill. Was it exhaustion or was it something else? And was he to blame?

He looked up into JC's eyes. Both sets were a little wet. "Oh, hey JC. I thought all the guys had gone home. Are you going out with all of us tonight? I think it was a really good idea. We will be together for a long time. Gotta make new friends so to speak." Brian rambled knowing the animosity that would overcome them if JC ever found out about Justin and himself. He had already come to the conclusion Justin hadn't offered any information to anyone. But of course, why would he?

JC looked at him trying to decide what Brian seemed to be hiding, or what feelings Brian was trying to seclude. "Um, yeah. Anyway, what were you and Justin talking about? I heard him yelling." JC straightened his stature, trying to seem somewhat in control of the thoughts that plagued his mind.

"Oh. just some. unresolved business I guess. It's kinda a long story." Brian wasn't that surprised they had been heard. Justin was in no way trying to hide the fact he was upset. JC just looked at him.

"Well, like you said, we are going to be together awhile. And Justin is my best friend." JC stated not letting his resentment come through. Brian just looked at him hard.

"Is he?" Brian let the question linger before starting his way down the hall. He knew how JC felt. He was after all, there too.

JC stood not knowing how to answer Brian. He was still trying long after Brian had walked away. What hurt the most was, he didn't know the answer. He finally let it go realizing Justin still hadn't come out. He had to stand there for a second, trying to rationalize what he would say. He hadn't come up with anything we he went through the door.

"Brian, please, just go. I don't want to talk about it anymore." Justin said as he heard the door open once again. He was tired, and needed to get home. Well, he needed to get to a hotel. He wouldn't go home, because he wasn't ready for his mom. He loved her, but she would want to know far too much. And she couldn't know. Not right now. Of course, JC would be there too, since he stayed there often, and e wasn't ready to deal with him ever. He hated to think about that, but he would be happy if he never had to confront JC again. He couldn't stay with Chris and Joey, they would be going out tonight, and want to drag him along. He wasn't friends enough with the Backstreet Boys to ask for a room, and Jive was ready to dish some stuff out for their newly acquired "product".

"You're in luck then, he left about 10 minutes ago." The voice startled Justin. He still sat in the same chair, his back to the door. He turned to see JC standing there though. Not Brian, which was who he obviously thought it was. "You wanna talk about it?" JC asked as he sat across from Justin.

"What do you mean? I don't care if he goes or not. I was just." Justin wiped his eyes and started gathering papers the suits had given them.

"You may hate me, but I still used to be your best friend. And even though I can see you have changed in your little searching, I would still know you anywhere." JC looked down trying to be a friend. He hoped he could do it after all that had happened. Not just to them, but to Justin.

Justin put down his papers. He looked as though he was about to cry as he took JC's hands and looked him straight in the eye. "I could never hate you. You were my best friend, and that won't change. And I only say you were because I don't think you would wanna be friends with me right now. I don't even wanna be a friend with me right now. Everyone I love I hurt and I have got a lot of things to resolve before I even want to talk about anything. Please don't you hate me." Justin took his hands back and started shuffling his papers again.

JC looked at him. "How can I hate you, when I love you?" JC got up and walked out. He didn't want to be a burden on Justin, and he couldn't handle fighting with him. He was his best friend. Even if only in his heart, he was always going to be his best friend.

The realization that Justin was going to end up alone if he couldn't pull himself together hit him hard. Too hard.

It was only 20 minutes to Kevin's house from the office, but it seemed forever for him. He had gone home often, but it was now so different. Everything was blurry and vague. And the one person he once shared the strongest bond in the world with, sat next to him, and never felt so far away. He knew he would hate this homecoming. "You are really going to do it aren't you?" Kevin asked as he turned off the engine in his driveway. He didn't want a hotel room, because he was so close to home, but as he stared at his house awaiting AJ's answer, he would give anything for a five star room.

"Of course I am. Why wouldn't I?" AJ sat there, not getting out. He wouldn't make the first move. He still had to hope that Kevin would make the right decision. Not that it mattered now.

"Don't say that, you know why. Because you know I love you, that I would do anything for you, that I don't want you to go. Why isn't that enough?" Kevin's eyes were filling with tears, which he made no attempt to hide. AJ looked into them. Kevin had never let him see him cry. All they had shared, and a simple emotion had never allowed itself to be seen.

"Do anything for me, huh? Everything but stop hiding me. You know, I don't want to talk about this anymore. You ended it remember?" AJ sounded a little more coldly than intended. It was still a painful memory.

"No, I don't remember that at all. I remember a morning where things went by too fast, and things were taken all wrong." Kevin glanced at AJ and went to reach for his hand. "Alex." At that AJ jumped out of the car and walked to the front door. Kevin sat, wondering what he was going to do. He wasn't letting AJ get away though. He couldn't.

Kevin walked in the house to sounds of doors opening and closing. He slowly walked up stairs. He knew what was going on. "I can find my suitcase. I thought I left it here. Where is it?" AJ looked around closets around a big room down in dark brown wood, and black comforters and drapes. It was a room that AJ would have once called part his. But not anymore.

"They are in the hall closet. Right over here." Kevin went to get them, AJ close behind them. They both went to grab the bag, AJ never letting anyone do anything for him when he was upset. Kevin had learned it made AJ feel more vulnerable when he felt he needed to be taken care of. He would never admit that he wanted, or that he needed someone to take of him. Kevin's hand found AJ's instead of the suitcase, a mistake he would later wish he wouldn't have made.

"Don't!" AJ said as he grabbed the bag and walked back to the room. "You don't get to touch me anymore, you don't." He was making this final, and that was hurting Kevin.

"Alex."

"You don't get to call me Alex, you don't. you don't get to be with me. I love you and you don't feel the same. And don't start to say you do, because if you did, this wouldn't be happening. You would have been as happy as I would have been if we walked into that meeting holding hands, and." AJ closed the suitcase, having only three or four things in there. He wasn't concentrating on packing.

Kevin couldn't see the one he loved like this. He hated to admit it, but AJ was right. He didn't ever realize how strongly he had felt about AJ. But he did now. He walked over to the crying AJ, trying to calm him. He placed his muscular arms around AJ's body and just held him.

"AJ. let's tell them." Kevin said plainly, still holding a sobbing AJ. AJ didn't respond. "Can I take that silence as a yes?" Kevin said getting hope this would end they way it should. His hopes were shattered though when AJ pulled away and picked up his suitcase.

"Let's. no. What I mean is I won't. If we are going to be together, you have to deal with some crap. Because you should have came to the yes answer a long time ago. Like when I first asked you. All you did by waiting is say to me you don't know how you feel about me. And I know how I feel about you. So I guess I'm. giving you time to catch up or something. Just don't let me down." AJ had regained a lot of composure, surprising Kevin who was the one sobbing now.

AJ went down stairs, calling a cab to pick him up, and Jason to get him a hotel room. He stepped out the door all by himself. A cold front was coming, making Orlando chillier than at Christmas. `Only Florida weather.' AJ thought to himself. He bundled up in a loose jacket he managed to grab coming out. Lucky for him, because he wouldn't go back in there. He would be scared he would run into Kevin. It was not that Kevin would convince him to stay, which was a valid fear earlier that day. He was positive he should leave. His points were valid to him. He had to let Kevin figure out for real, how he felt. But do talk to him again, it would hurt considerably more.

"That's going to be fine. Are you sure you don't wanna go home though? You only have two days, and you have been gone all through December and all." Jason sounded genuinely concerned as he received Justin's call for a hotel room.

"Yeah, thanks for the worry, but I am sure. I will talk to my parents and all later. I just don't want to deal with all that." Justin coughed lightly as he finished his sentence. Jason looked down as he heard this. He had just met Justin for the first time today, having talked to him only once before in a group conference call, but he knew something was wrong.

"Justin, listen, are you okay? I mean, you looked a little." He was caught off quickly.

"Jason, thanks man for caring. I really appreciate. I am fine. I just got some bug. I went to SF for the New Year and who knows what I picked up there." Justin did his little laugh, convincing everyone but himself he was all right.

"If you are sure?"

"Yeah, I am. Thanks." Jason finished up the phone call and making the reservations. It wasn't that big of a problem, none of the other guys needed rooms, so it was just one room. Nick was invited to go stay at Howie's, even though he spent most of his time with Mandy. Everyone could see they were falling for each other. It took a little time for the guys to see Nick and Mandy together, Mandy just turning 16, and Nick hitting 20, but they both showed far more maturity. Kevin had already talked to Brian about staying at his place, both because he knew AJ was leaving, and Brian didn't need to be alone the way he still was. Chris and Joey were staying together, Lance was going to be in the offices all the time, no one ever saw him sleep and JC. JC was making due on his own. That only left AJ, but he had heard nothing so, he took that as, `I'm OK'.

Not long after Justin's call though, AJ decided he needed a room also.

"Is that alright. Yeah, do you a ride to get there or."

"Nah, I called a cab. Sorry I am just springing this on you. My plans kinda. fell through." AJ's voice faltered, as he turned to look at a house he wanted to call home.

"That's OK. I had to make one for Justin anyway. You guys can be neighbors. He is kinda sick, so it will be good he is not alone. Maybe you could help him out a little. Make new friends so to speak. He won't be going out with all the guys tonight. Joey said everyone was getting to know the others tonight. I hope they don't get in trouble." Jason laughed as he tried to organize things while speaking to his new clients.

"That's fine, I don't think I am going to go either. Just as long as you get me a bed." AJ tried to laugh, but he pulled off a nice fake. In no time, the room was reserved and the cab arrived. AJ piled his one suitcase in the back just then realizing it was really light. He knew he must have been out of it when packing. Just as he was about to get in he heard his name being called. He looked at the door and saw Kevin standing there. He wouldn't come completely out of the house, but he was there. AJ looked at Kevin once, and turned away, giving the cabby directions towards the hotel. He would be there in no time. He hoped.

"What do you mean you are not coming? Everyone is going to be there. This is out opportunity to get to know the BSB. Please." Chris complained over the phone, worrying more about his friend as he backed out of the two groups POW-WOW happening that night.

"Chris. I am tired. I just wanna sleep. Or at least try to. I have been having some problems with it lately." Justin drifted. He knew he shouldn't be saying that. He knew Chris was worrying about him. He could see it since he had been picked up.

"You know, this thing is probably going to be stupid. Why don't I come over tonight? We could rent some videos or something. Just us. Please." Chris tried to get Justin to give in. He was unsuccessful. Justin won his night of sleep, but having to give up tomorrow to do something with someone. He was not allowed to be alone. He smiled as he thought of his friend's wager.

KNOCK KNOCK

"Who is it?" Justin yelled wondering who would know where he was. He just got here.

"It's. AJ. From the BSB." AJ's raspy voice came through the door, sounding very unsure. Justin got out of his bed and walked over to the door. He wasn't in the mood for company, but he was curious why AJ would be stopping by.

"Hey. I thought I would bring you a present." AJ said smiling s the door opened. He held in his hands, what appeared to be a thermos. Justin couldn't help but smile.

"Wow. AJ McLean coming to my room. I am shocked. What did I do to get such an honor." Justin said wondering what AJ was doing. Justin had never formally met AJ, just in chance encounters like he had with Brian, but here he was on his doorstep so to speak.

"Well, when I called Jason to get a room, he was kinda worried about you. Said you were sick. So, I went to my microwave and." Justin smiled at the seemingly innocent AJ.

"Please tell me that is not chicken noodle soup?" Justin said opening the door. He smiled again at the corny yet sweet sentiment.

"Actually it is. I went to call Jason about a room, and I got stuck with sick duty. That means taking care of your butt." AJ said brushing past Justin and entering the room. Justin smiled, surprising himself. He would have normally been upset that someone just walked in his room uninvited, and especially when he felt as crappy as he did now, but AJ was making him smile. He liked that.

"Well, won't you come in." Justin said sarcastically as he shut the door. AJ turned to look at him while he fixed a bowl up for Justin at the small kitchen table.

"Oh, I am sorry. I guess that was kinda rude. I am just a little. off today." AJ said handing a cup to Justin. Justin smiled.

"I as just kidding. I actually understand the whole off thing. I guess I am with you there. It's nice to have some company though." Justin started eating which seemed to make him feel better even though he wasn't really sick. "Hey, I thought you said this was chicken noodle soup. This is chicken and stars. And you had me so worked up." Justin smiled as he went to sit down on the couch inviting AJ to join him.

"Aren't we picky? I came over, taking time out of my busy day to come see a guy I don't know, and bring him MY homemade chicken soup, that I cooked myself, and you are complaining. Grief! It's all I get." AJ went on over dramatically of course. He smiled at seeing Justin a little brighter than he had been at the meeting. He didn't really notice that Justin was pale at the meeting, he was busy with his own problems, until Jason said something about him being sick. That is when it hit him. And after having to leave Kevin, he was a little too sad to be alone. He knew he would end up doing something he didn't want to, whether it is drink or just cry. So, Justin would be his support group while he helped the kid recoup.

"Well, thank you for the `homemade' soup. I do appreciate it. And since you don't know me," Justin said trying to sound hurt, "I'm Justin." Justin sat down his soup and stuck out his hand towards AJ. AJ laughed and took it.

"Nice to meet you." AJ took his hand into his. They both laughed. Somehow, AJ managed to talk Justin into renting a movie and them staying together for awhile, the same proposal he turned down Chris with. He felt kinda bad, turning Chris, a best friend, away and inviting practically' a stranger in anyway. But AJ made him smile, and he hadn't done that in awhile. He couldn't explain it. He liked being with AJ. He had known him for two hours, and they were already exchanging the most embarrassing in the group' stories, laughing hysterically on the couch.

"And then. the camera came back to Joey who still wasn't dressed yet. He had no pants on while they were recording!" Justin finished the story, finding himself and AJ rolling. They both knew the people they were getting stuff on wouldn't live this down. It was too good.

"You know, Jason told me you were all sad and near death. I was actually kinda worried about what condition I was going to find you in, but you seem to be all right. What's up? And why stay here at the hotel. I know your mom leaves around here right?" Justin looked at him, AJ switching from the jokes to a more serious tone.

"Umm. yeah, my mom leaves around here. But I don't really want to see her right now. I love her and all, but I always have to deal with stuff when I talk to her, and I have just too much on my mind right now. That is why I needed a room. And prolly why I look sick. Everyone has been asking me if I am contagious or something. I just... have had a lot on my mind lately." It was AJ's turn to see the change from happy to sad with just a question and answer.

"Well, I know what you mean. But hey, if you wanna talk, I am here." AJ said throwing his hands up, while getting himself off the couch. "But not tonight. Tonight, I am next door getting some sleep. I am beat." AJ said yawning heavily.

"Yeah, I guess I am a little tired too." Justin got up too, gathering all his stuff and throwing it on the bed. "Guess I'll turn in. I am supposed to go do something tomorrow with somebody." AJ looked at him.

"What ya doing? Or are you being vague `cause it's personal." AJ said smiling at Justin as Justin blushed.

"No, it's quite literally something with someone. I don't know yet. Chris made me promise him that I wouldn't be alone stuck up in my room tomorrow. He is a little too worried. I told him I am fine, but you know the guys. They all think the need to be your family sit in." Justin smiled as AJ nodded.

"I know, Kevin tries to control everything." He stopped when he realized he hadn't thought of Kevin since showing up on Justin's door. He hated he had to come up now.

"You OK. I think this is he first time I have seen you quiet all night." Justin playfully punched AJ he the shoulder. He simply nodded and turned to the door. He felt as though he was about to cry. He wanted that feeling of not thinking about his loss again.

"Hey, you know. Since you just can do anything, with any old one, why don't you come shopping with me? I have a ritual of buying something in each city I am in, no matter how many times I have been there. And I also have to buy things for a new tour, so I have a lot to get done. I would love the company." AJ smiled as he turned to see Justin thinking about it. He liked Justin. He seemed like a really cool person to be around. And he definitely liked the Justin he had just spent the night with better than the silent one he always remembered, and the one he saw at the meeting. This wasn't shy, or nervous, or embarrassed, or sad. He was, as far as AJ knew, himself. He couldn't help but hope it was him that was doing it. At least he did something good for someone. He smiled at Justin who looked at him and smiled back.

"I would like that. A lot." Justin said opening the door for AJ. AJ smiled at him. He hesitated before leaving the room.

"Bye Justin."

"C-ya AJ." AJ turned to him when he heard that.

"You can call me Alex." AJ surprised himself as he heard the words come out of his mouth. He had never let anyone call him that. He didn't like it. It made him feel like a kid. Only his mom and Kevin ever called him that. The suits used to when they were mad, but that ended shortly.

"OK, bye. Alex." Justin smiled as he slowly shut the door. He saw AJ's back just as the light from the hallway was shut out. He smiled to himself, realizing he had been doing that all night. He had completely forgot about everything, and smiled. For the first time in two weeks, he had eaten something, he had grown tired, and he had smiled. And he knew it was thanks to his new friend. He was glad he had met AJ.

AJ walked next door slowly. He was confused. The only other thing that was more confusing than actually being confused is not knowing why. Which was were he was at.

"Thanks for letting me stay here. I am tired of hotels. Been in them for like a month straight." Brian sighed falling to the couch behind him. Kevin just sat in his favorite chair, not saying too much.

"Don't even go there with your complaining. You are the one who wouldn't come home. I still have Jackie demanding to know `What's wrong with her boy?'" Kevin smirked as Brian had a look of fear come over him. "Which brings me to the next question. Do I need to ask?" Kevin sat up and looked at Brian, who looked away.

"I am not in the mood. I'll call her later. I promise."

"You know, that is not what I am talking about. I didn't pressure it when you left, but now that you are back you have to say something. Like what you did? What you changed? Something?" Kevin had been worried about Brian when he left. All the guys had. Brian had confided in Kevin a little, crying on his shoulder saying how he felt so out of control. That was as far has he ever got. He was so stumped on how to help his cousin; he betrayed his trust and talked to AJ, even though under the circumstances at the time, maybe he was allowed to.

"Nothing changed. Well, I can't really say that. A lot changed, it just all went back when I came back. You know?" Brian said not knowing how to convey his feelings.

"No, I don't." Kevin said wanting to help. He had his own problems to deal with, but not understanding what AJ wanted for him had him stumped. Helping someone else, especially his cousin might make him feel better.

"Well, can I ask you a question?"

"Of course."

"I ask you, hoping that the old saying, `With age comes wisdom,' applies here." Brian looked up at him letting him know he wasn't trying to make a joke, "What do you know about love?" Kevin looked at him as soon as the words had left his mouth.

`Did he know? Had AJ went to someone else? Was it that obvious?' Kevin was scared. He was not ready to come out right after losing the only support he would have been sure of. "Why do you ask?" Kevin said wanting Brian to rest his fears.

"Just curious. Hoping that I am not the only blind one in the game." Brian stood up walking around the room. "It's just, I don't understand people. Especially the ones we love, and are supposed to love us." Kevin nodded understanding all to well what Brian was dealing with.

"Can I ask who, or am I guessing?" Kevin asked trying to get Brian to sit back down. Pacing made him even more nervous.

"Does it matter if it is over?" Brian asked rhetorically. Kevin just shook his head.

"What happened?" Kevin knew the only thing he could do was listen. Love was not his strong point right now obviously, but maybe Brian could help him, as much he wanted help from Kevin.

"It's just. I fell in love. I fell hard. And we spent two weeks together, right after I left NY, and we just. we were just together. We took a little road trip; I totally ditched going to Hawaii. We ended up going to SF. We spent our Christmas just vegging out in a cheap motel room. It was great!" Brian smiled thinking back to a time not far gone, when things didn't seem so confusing. "But then that changed. I don't know how it happened, but the night before New Year's Eve, we wound up falling asleep together. When we awoke, I had someone in my arms. I guess we were both kinda shocked at that, and before we could talk about it, they were out the door." Kevin didn't even pick up on the lack of gender specific details as he let Brian continue. "Didn't even come back until that night. But when they did come back, it was great. We talked about it, found out when both felt the same way. and then I messed it up." Brian finally fell on the couch. Kevin just looked at him with understanding.

"What did you do?"

Brian sat up real quick and looked at Kevin. "Do you believe that people in love should be able to tell each other everything, I mean anything that happens, and the other person should not. at least get jealous?" Kevin let the question lay for a second.

"Yeah. I do. In a perfect world, with a perfect love, that is the way it is. But we are by no means in a perfect world. And a perfect love differs from person to person. I believe it should be that way, but I don't expect it." Kevin's answer hurt him a little as he thought about it. It was a depressing reality.

"Yeah, I do too." Kevin was trying to catch on to the subtle hints Brian was dropping, but it was hard.

"I take it, she thought that way too?" Brian nodded, not knowing what to say when he heard Kevin say she. "What did she tell you?" Brian just looked down.

"Nothing worth saying goodbye over. And yet I did." Brian started crying, hurt by his own actions. He was realizing more and more though, he was crying more about his mistakes, than about losing Justin. Which hurt him a little more.

"Well, do you love her? I mean really truly, is she worth you crying over right now?" Kevin asked serious as he could be. Brian didn't hesitate as he shook his head. "Then you have to fix it. Whatever it takes." Kevin was talking about himself more than Brian.

"Thanks. You know you are one of my best friends." Brian said turning to see out the window next to him. "So, why exactly are you so understanding?" Brian said with sarcasm turning his head back to Kevin. He saw Kevin getting a jacket and keys. "Where are you going?" Brian asked wondering why he was in such a rush.

Kevin stopped short of he door, and turned to his cousin, whom he wished he could explain everything. "I. am going to go and take my own advice." Kevin sprinted out the door, knowing Brian would find out with all the other guys when he had AJ's hand in his, telling everyone how they felt. He was starting to smile.

"Yeah, hey Jason. I needed to talk to AJ about some things, do you know where I can find him?" Kevin had called Jason as soon as he was out the door.

"Yeah, I set him and Justin up with a hotel at the Marriott." Kevin looked confused.

"Him and Justin, as in together?" Kevin couldn't help but be jealous. He had lost something dear to him, and was on his way to get it back. He hated the thought of something standing in his way.

"Well, different rooms. I just meant." Jason was a little bit confused by the question.

"Oh, well, anyway, what room number are they in?" Kevin asked quickly speeding down 1-4 while headlights streamed past his viewpoint.

"Well, AJ was put into suite 987, Justin right next door. The rest off the floor is sectioned off. But, Kevin, it is almost 11:30. Shouldn't you be out with the rest of the guys, or sleeping? And AJ might be asleep too; he was taking care of Justin because he was feeling sick. He is probably tired." Jason brought up good points, and interesting facts, but Kevin was intent on taking his own advice about love.

"I know Jason, but. this is really important. I have to talk to him now!" Kevin said making that his official goodbye as he gassed it too the hotel.

Jason couldn't help as he hung up his phone what was going on. Justin and Brian had disappeared in December, right when he took over, Kevin and AJ had something going on, and Jason's thoughts led him to the truth about him more than he would let himself believe. Things were happening in he group. He knew it would, in fact, be a long tour.

"Well, I for one am glad we did this. It was a pleasure to meet you Mandy. Love your music." Chris shook the young woman's hand as they stood outside Firestone, a local dance club.

"You too Chris. I am glad you all invited me. And got me in." Mandy laughed, as she knew the only reason she got in was their famous faces.

"Hey, I helped!" Nick whined as he put his arm over Mandy. They both smiled.

"Man, and you choose this guy? As in by choice?" Joey laughed playfully punching Nick.

"Oh, and where is your girlfriend Joey? Oh, what, don't have one? I know I am shocked." They all laughed. The guys had really gotten to know one another, minus Kevin, Brian, Justin, and AJ. Everyone else decided to come, including Mandy, and the three guys of EYC.

"Well, it's late, and I am tired. That meeting bored me to death." Howie exclaimed, trying to hail a cab.

"Yeah, we should do this again. Why don't we all get together tomorrow? Unless you all don't want to? That's cool too." Lance was getting a little more comfortable with everyone, great for his first night. But he was always shy, still so in front of the `Nsync guys sometimes, so you couldn't expect too much.

All the guys agreed, more or less, and went to their respective cabs.

"Well, I hope your parents don't kill me for having you out so late. I am sorry." Nick said as Mandy cuddled next to him.

"Oh they trust you. You are like my big brother." Nick looked down at her.

"Ill! I don't wanna be your brother." They both laughed.

"Not like that! We both don't want that. Hey Nick?" Mandy's voice went all of a sudden serious.

"Yeah."

"We are OK right? I mean, I have read a couple of things about us, and I really like you, but we do have to face the reality that will happen." Mandy was right, smart for her age. Her age was the issue she was bringing up right now. They both knew it.

"Listen. We both want this, so don't worry. You are going to be 16 soon, and I 20. That is what. four years! And we are not doing anything illegal. Gosh! We are juts really good friends who happen to hold hands and kiss ever once and awhile." He leaned down and gave her a peck. She giggled slightly.

"Thanks."

"For what?" Nick asked sweetly.

"For being so great." She smiled at him once more, letting her head fall on his chest for the rest of the ride home.

"AJ! Please open up!" Kevin tried to be as quiet as he could, remembering Justin was next door sick, but he needed to talk to AJ. "AJ! PLEASE!"

Justin walked over and opened his door. He had slept an hour after AJ left, but then his couldn't anymore. But that hour was more than he had gotten in awhile, and he thanked AJ silently for it.

"Umm. Kevin, is that you?" Justin said seeing a figure pound on the door to the right of his. Kevin jumped, as he was startled by the voice behind him.

"Justin. Oh man, I am sorry if I woke you. I just really need to talk to AJ." Kevin said in a whisper he didn't understand. The only person he could wake up now was AJ, which is what he wanted. He was also surprised to see anyone. He tried to be silent. He took Justin in, for the first real time, seeing why Jason had said he was sick. His hair was messed up, which he NEVER saw, with his face seemingly falling in a distraught position. His eyes were black, despite the hour he had just gotten in, and a smile grazed his face, but not one that contained happiness. It was a `business smile', one that they put on because they felt they had too, not because the wanted too.

"Oh, he still hasn't answered? He went straight to his room after he left here. I haven't seen or heard anything form him." Justin volunteered all he knew without Kevin having to ask. Kevin looked down, and started an awkward silence between them. He didn't want to keep banging on the door, due to embarrassment of being caught, and then he would feel as if he was giving the feeling he was ditching Justin because he couldn't help. "So. nice way to get a first real meeting huh?" Justin tried to laugh at the moment they had created. Kevin just looked at him wide eyed.

"Oh, you are right. We haven't really been formally introduced. I am really sorry. I am just a little. off today." Justin tilted his head at the words he had heard not more than five hours ago from the one Kevin wished to find. Kevin walked over and stuck out his hand. "If you are not too sick." Kevin laughed.

"How did you know?" Justin asked taking his hand, letting him know he was OK.

"Jason told me when I called for AJ's room number. He said he was taking care of you." Justin smiled thinking of that night.

"Yeah, he was so great. He brought me chicken soup and everything. Definitely made me feel a lot better. After my New Year I needed it." Justin shrugged realizing he was going on and on about a guy he had just met that night. He did feel a special bond between him and AJ though. They had just clicked.

"Oh really. What did you do?" Kevin asked waiting for either AJ to show up, or Justin to leave so he could continue his search. Justin looked down as he thought how do best answer Kevin's question.

"Well, me and a friend of mine took a trip to SF, which turned out a little messed up." Kevin looked at him remembering before Brian had left. He could hear management's words now.

Brian, you can't just leave. We already have Justin leaving too, which takes away from one group. You are the second. It would be nice to have at least one full group here.' Brian wouldn't back down though, obviously leaving anyway. But the whole Justin and Brian both leaving is what made the memory come back. And then he heard Brian just an hour earlier, We ended up going to SF.' Kevin couldn't help but feel something when Brian addressed everything to him, but now a thought entered Kevin's mind he never would have thought would be there. Did he and his cousin have more in common then either knew?

"Well, I guess I'll let you go. Don't want to hinder the search." Justin started easing back into his room, not liking the silence he was getting from Kevin.

"Oh, sorry. I was just thinking. But yeah, I should get going. I really need to talk to AJ, but hey, I think all the guys said something about spending these days together before the tour, I am sure we will catch up tomorrow. C-ya?" Kevin asked knowing that was rude to just stand there in silence. He was satisfied with Justin's smile and nod and took off for the elevator. He was scared enough to begin with, but now having to wait to tell AJ, and not knowing where he was, scared him even more.

TBC

OK, this isn't where I really wanted to end it, but I needed to get this out I know. Sorry again about that delay. Also, I have gotten a few concerns and e-mails about Brian and Justin as a couple. People complain they are put together too much. And I have to agree somewhat with them. But this story isn't called Brian and Justin (no offense JM ?), so them being together is not a definite. I am just writing. But if in fact they do end up together, I am sorry but this story is for me. I enjoy writing it, and I enjoy knowing that other people like reading, but I do it mainly for me. If you ask me, that is what writing should be for anyway. So, just trust me to go along with the story please. If there is anything you don't like, I am sorry. I will try. But anyway, the next one will be longer, since I will have more time. C-ya!!