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Delusion Part 5
Doris:
Ate supper, with meaningless dinner conversation, various quips, it's ten o'clock. "Hey lets go to the pub." Justin shoots up, and so do I, it will be interesting to hang out with Kyle and Justin. Mattie jumps up too. Wow all of us brothers headed to the bar, I hope we don't get too out of control. I get myself around, and jump into Kyle's car. This feels so weird, this is really the only time we have been together in this sense, I know I will have to vouch for Mattie.
"Hey Doris,"
"Hey skipper, what's up, what kind of trouble have you brought me tonight." Doris states while giving me that all knowing eye.
"No trouble just all my brothers, and a friend."
"Oh yeah I'm sure you are all pleasant bar patrons." I think Mattie and Kyle are unnerved but Doris is taking it easy on us in reality. Justin is the first to order a round; bud's all around, not my first choice but free is free on any night. The usual are in attendance, I half expect to see Joe, but I'm disappointed. Kyle meets up with a few douche bags and Justin is left out in the crowd and so am I. Conversation surrounds us yet we aren't saying a word. Mattie is talking about his high school glory days, sneaking around and partying in each other's garages. Justin wants to go outside for a cig and I join him.
"So how do you stand all this" Justin asks,
"What are you talking about?"
"Well Kyle told me that you're gay, this town isn't exactly what I would call progressive,"
"Hey you haven't even been here for 24 hours, how can you judge our town of Sheridan." I look at him and chuckle, "well actually you're right, but it isn't completely full of bigots... at least not yet."
"I'm not denying that, I just want to see if you cope the same way I did so many years ago."
I feign shock, "So you're gay?"
Justin sees right through it, "Oh come on you are not a good actor, and I know Kyle can't keep anything to himself. He's worse than my grandma's sewing circle."
I laugh, it is true, Kyle was never good at keeping a secret. "Well it really wasn't that many years ago when you had to hide, was it?"
"No"
"You know it's kind of a hidden curse and blessing. It's like you're able to the see the world from a different angle. You can see how people react to something they don't understand or just fight against because of unfamiliarity. You get to see how easy it is for other people to judge and then you see it inside yourself. And hopefully you can try to take that recognition and change your own actions " when I get drunk I get philosophical and become a poor man's poet, but who doesn't . "Does that tirade make any sense?"
"Yeah I guess," Justin meets my eyes, "it's just weird with me, I haven't told Mattie or your mom and dad that I'm gay yet."
"Well, as long as you're friends with Kyle they won't care."
"It's not that, I doubt they will have any personal problem with me being gay, but they probably wouldn't like us rooming together," he smirks at me and we walk back in. I hear her voice; she calls me, its Doris.
"Hey Sammie, a round on me you sexy mother fucker." It is hilarious to think that I get more respect in this place than the legal patrons.
Blurs and abundance, Doris has let me get away with a lot tonight.
"Hey you homos, do want to play me and Kyle," one of Kyle's annoying ass friends calls out to me and Justin. Wow that bitch messed with the wrong faggot, little does he know that me and Justin are gay and more importantly that I'm a fucking pool shark.
"Let's make this interesting Zeke, if I win you buy me and Justin a round and if you win I buy you two a round," "All right I guess you like being generous, cause we're going to kick your little bitch asses. Kyle isn't looking in our eyes; he is embarrassed of his dumbass buddy. He breaks and doesn't make anything, Justin is up next, and he makes a solid in. Next Kyle's friend Zeke is up and he makes two stripes in, "in your face bitches," I know he is joking around but this douche is getting on my nerves, I line up and make the next six solids.
"Damn, now that's a run" I hear Doris state; she has stopped serving drinks and is fully engrossed in our game.
"In your face bitch," I state with little joking tone directly to Zeke. I'm drunk and I'm pissed off, don't fuck with me, he may be older than me but he is scrawny as hell, plus I have Justin, Kyle and Mattie to hopefully back me up if I need it, plus Doris, I've seen her throw two hundred pound drunks out the door before.
I miss the eight ball and Kyle makes two balls in after me, Zeke is drunk and singing out, "Don't call it a comeback." Justin misses the eight ball and Zeke is up next, he makes the remaining three stripes. Fuck, I do not want to buy this motherfucker a drink. Luckily he misses his shot for the eight ball. The whole bar is watching our game, it's apparently the most exciting thing going on in here,
"make it in Sammie I'm getting thirsty," shouts Justin.
"Eight ball corner pocket" I shoot and golden, I make it in and jump in the air, Justin hugs me off of the ground. I approach Zeke who throws his pool stick down, "Looks like you're the generous one tonight."
"Fuck you I'm not buying you a fucking drink."
I erupt, "Yes you are," I state, other bar patrons are echoing my sentiments,
"Oh yeah, what, are you going to make me, you must be trippin, your little punk ass, listen at him." "Yeah I am going to make you, beotch." I lose control for some reason, and I cold cock him right in the nose. I immediately regret doing it, he really didn't provoke violence but maybe I was looking for it tonight, I have to control myself. He is bleeding and before I know it Doris is headed right towards me, oh shit she is going to throw me out on my ass, and then she turns and grabs Zeke and throws him out while shouting. "Don't you ever cause trouble in my bar again," wow, I thought she was going to kick my ass out of the bar. She slams the door shut,
"Are you all right Sammie," she asks me.
I am laughing, "Yeah," Doris makes her way to the bar, "Okay, one free beer for ya kid, on account of your pool sharking, not your first bar fight." I can't believe this night, Kyle runs outside, I'm guessing to check on Zeke.
"Maybe we should leave" Justin states,
"Yeah, maybe, but let me get my free beer first," I get Mattie's attention, and we make our way outside to find Kyle.
"Thanks Sammie, that was really cool how you punched my friend in the face," Kyle states sarcastically.
"Oh come on Kyle that dude was a complete douche bag and you know it," Justin interjects. We silently walk home, Kyle is pissed. We reach our house around one o'clock and everyone heads to their rooms. I'm off to bed with Justin in tow. I'm confused, is this fucked up, or what? Justin walks in the room. And is it just me or have we just walked into slow motion, every single step is so manufactured. It's like some photo shoot with this mother fucker. I peel off my shirt and pants, I'm standing on display, I want him to gaze upon my body, I want him to know what he is missing, who is he that he thinks he will come here and just get a slice, well this pizzeria is closed. Justin might have irrepressibly amazing Mediterranean looks going on, but it doesn't mean I am giving up on Mark. I know people have lust for my skin, its young and flawless and I do like the idea of someone lusting after me, especially Justin.
"Good night, Justin." I state as I jump up to my bed, I have always slept on the top bunk.
"Good night"
I am a classic clock watcher, it usually takes me an hour before I can fall asleep, especially with the events from the past two days. About fifteen minutes after lying down, I start to hear and feel Justin arise from the bottom bunk. Justin slowly climbs up, I'm feeling every motion, what the fuck, I pretend I'm asleep. Justin is all over me, he pins my arms over my head, who the fuck does he think he is. I open my eyes in shock, "Hey, Justin, a little forward aren't we?" I don't know if I said that with devotion or contempt. His brown eyes meet mine.
"Come on I know you want this, it's all right. You know you were so hilarious at the bar, you're a tough little cookie you know,"
"Justin, I am seeing someone right now."
Justin's face turns sour, "What, Kyle said you were single."
"Well, ironically, I was single before yesterday; I guess you have bad luck. Well maybe it's me who has the bad luck, you're fucking hot."
His disappointment fades and he smiles again, and he asks me "Has anyone told you that you cuss like a sailor?" I laugh and say, "Nope," why is he doing this, is it opportunistic, does he want to use me? I have a moment of clarity, "Justin, I don't fuck, I don't suck, I don't get fucked, I don't get sucked, I'm boring, I only kiss and spoon, you can sleep with me, but that is all you are going to get by with. I'm sure you're a great guy but I don't even know you, do you understand?"
"Yeah," Justin settles in behind me, this is perfect, I love feeling him like this, I must have some kind of complex. I love being held, especially by Justin, he is good at it, and it's a lot better than when me and Emma spoon. His arms wrap around me and squeeze. God, who cares about Mark, this guy is so hot. No I can't do this, I am not going to be one of those people who cheats. But if you really think about it I don't think we are officially going out. Are we? I need to just go to sleep, but what if I die tonight. I will still be a virgin and it will be my own fault. I have this strapping young lad who is getting harder with every slow nestle against me. Damn it I need to clear my mind and just go to sleep, I have the self control of a saint, right? I drift into unconsciousness.
My eyes flutter open, Justin is still behind me and is asleep, huh that's odd I don't have morning wood today. But Justin's got me covered in that department. Like me, Justin wears boxers and his manhood must have slid out of the fly or maybe just ripped through out of sheer arousal, because he is rhythmically in between my thighs. I jump out of bed this isn't good.
Justin violently awakes, and stares at my shocked face, "What?" Justin asks,
"Nothing," I start to stammer, "It's just that..." "Well you, nothing, nothing, it was nothing."
Justin eyes me and then himself, "oh I see you have met Anaconda."
What the fuck, did he actually just call it Anaconda, I chuckle out loud, "No, I was trying not to meet your little friend, Anaconda."
"Oh come on it isn't my little friend," damn he is right about that, no I can't think of him like that, think of the elderly, think of a slaughter house, I must not be tempted. "I know you want it," Justin jumps down from the top bunk and meets me while pointing his manhood at me; I try to run away from it,
"Get away from me Justin, I'm serious." I am laughing and he is grabbing my sides, oh no my weakness, I am on the ground laughing my ass off, and Justin shows no mercy. He stops and pins me to the bedroom floor,
"what is your power trip, you are always pinning me" I state jokingly, my face hurts from smiling,
"I don't know, I like to be in control" he quips back,
"Oh fuck you." I state half winking.
"You still kiss don't you" Justin states, while pressing against my lips not allowing me to answer. He backs off of my lips and stares at me, I hate looking into people's eyes. It opens up my caring, loving side in an instant, no matter how angry my front. I fell for Mark while gazing into his eyes and now I'm feeling the same thing for Justin. I can tell he wants me, but is there anything else, am I just going to be some summer ass while he is working with Kyle?
"Get off me," I tell him, and he moves, "I'm hungry." I head downstairs and Justin is in tow again, he is reminding me of a lost puppy. He seems like he is always behind me. I find out why when he grabs my boxer clad ass and squeezes, hard. He leans in and whispers in my ear,
"I'm gonna tear that ass up." He laughs. I know he is just kidding around or at least I think he is, but he is going to quickly find out that he just fucked himself, I hate people telling me what I'm going to do, or what I'm going to let happen.
I just smile and state, "Yeah, uh, you're not as hot as you think you are, maybe you should work on your biceps a little more." He looks totally insulted, mission accomplished, if I am going to explore what me and Mark have going on, I can't let Justin get in the way, besides, being easy is not a turn on for me, if Justin was willing to have sex with me that fast, he must be that way with every other guy he meets, that little whore.
"Hey you need to be careful; I don't think we will be sharing the same bedroom if my parents find you grabbing my ass."
"So that means you still want me in your room." Justin pauses and smiles and then asks, "And in your bed?" I stop myself and think, is it a good thing that he is sleeping in my bed?
I then answer, "Well I do like sleeping with you, but that is all." I love to share my bed, even in a platonic way, I always sleep together with Emma, and it's somehow comforting for me.
"All right I'll keep it PG 13 until you fall for me in like a week, two tops." Justin is so arrogant. When he's around my mom he acts like a Mormon missionary.
"Wow you're way too cocky." I state.
"No I'm not." Justin shoots back, looking offended, and then he asks "So where is everybody?"
"You will quickly learn that on Sunday no one wakes up before 10am in this house, and right now it's 8am, hell I don't know why I'm up. Oh yeah, you rudely awakened me with your anaconda." I laugh and shoot him a smile, and he runs up to me and grabs me and carries me back to my room, "put me down Justin." I state while trying to be quiet, this kid has enough energy for like fifteen people. Justin throws me on the bottom bunk, and lies down next to me,
"Damn it Justin, I am hungry."
"Hey you said I rudely awakened you, so now you can go back to sleep."
"Oh, how thoughtful," I say in my most sarcastic voice.
"You know, every time you say you don't want to fuck around it makes me want you more, eventually, I'll just take your cherry whether you want it or not."
"Fuck you, rapist, I would totally kick your ass and fuck you."
"Okay." Justin says while smiling,
"Justin you don't make banter fun." I respond.
"I know, I guess I have a one track mind."
"Well I hate to tell you but I'm going to see Mark today."
"Oh come on he can't be hotter than me." while stating this he puts himself on a ridiculous display and its hilarious hands exchanging from hip to hip, puckering of lips, it's too much.
I am laughing out loud, "You know there are more attractive things than a hot body, like maybe a personality, but oh yeah Mark is really hot too."
"I have to meet this kid."
"Okay, he told me he would pick me and Emma up today and go to the beach, you can meet him when he stops over, just don't mess this up for me." I state, while playfully pointing at him.
"How would I mess it up?"
"I don't know, it seems like you are capable of a lot of things."
"I am," he states seductively while raising his eyebrow.
"Okay, I need some cereal." I get back up and head downstairs. I have never flirted with an individual as much as I have with Justin and this feels strange. I'm so confused, what am I going to do, what if I start to like Justin, this could get out of control. I pour myself some cereal and Justin joins me, he is back on his best behavior. The rest of my family begins to awake, first Mattie then my mom and dad followed by Kyle, when Kyle steps in the kitchen Emma calls me,
"Hey Sammie, going to the beach with Ralphie, me and Mark?"
"Yeah wouldn't miss it for the world," I pause, "so Ralphie is going too?"
"Yeah I thought you were cool with Ralphie."
"Yeah, but, I just thought me and Mark could, you know be with each other."
"Oh, well I should tell you now, Ralphie sort of knows about you and Mark."
"What? Holy shit, how would he know, you told him didn't you!"
"No, he saw you and Mark."
"What, you have to be kidding me, when," I shoot back.
"Well, let me tell you. Yesterday he told me that he saw you two kissing after you freaked out and ran into the woods."
"Oh shit, is Ralphie cool with it?"
"Well let me finish, I didn't really say anything or ask him how he felt about it, I just told him to keep it on the DL and that maybe you were just kissing Mark because of the acid. I just thought that you would be the best one to tell him you're gay."
"Okay,"
"Well, here is where it gets complicated, Mark and I were not sick yesterday, he called me up yelling, saying that I was a bitch for telling Ralphie he was gay and that he would call the police on Ralphie for statutory rape if he was outed. I was at a complete loss and I told him I would never tell Ralphie he was gay, well that's when he told me Ralphie called him up and threatened him that if he told anyone about me and Ralphie that he would out him."
"What the Fuck Emma?"
"Okay just hear me out for the rest of it, I told Mark that I was coming over, and I brought Ralphie over with me and I told Ralphie everything about you and told him that I would kill him if he outed you or Mark and now we all have our secrets out for each other, it's like a little commune."
"Okay" I was just sitting in shock at this point, I was barely keeping up, Emma can talk a million miles a minute when she is nervous,
"When I got over to Mark's house I got Ralphie and Mark to sit down and agree they wouldn't be dumbass little bitches anymore, and that's where I was yesterday, making a truce between Mark and Ralphie. And before the night came they were friends again. Ralphie was freaked out that he would go to jail and lose his job or some shit so he threatened Mark, and Mark threatened Ralphie back. Well anyways now Ralphie knows you're gay, and also both of our boy toys are major dicks."
I am in silence and finally I state, "Well mine didn't threaten first, but I see what you're saying. All of that drama and I wasn't invited, why didn't anyone call me. "
"Well, I thought you would have freaked out and beat up Ralphie or some shit, you know I heard what you did last night."
"Really Emma, you think I would or could do that."
"Well I've seen you do crazier shit than that, and apparently you freaked the fuck out last night."
"Shut up, don't try to distract my ass. And how the hell did you hear that? I thought you would be engrossed in the drama you just relayed to my ass. That was a pretty fucked up little tale you just told me and I don't think you can pass that off , hell, I don't know if I want to go to the beach anymore to be honest."
"Oh fuck you Sammie, you are coming along with us, we are the only people who you can safely double date with,"
"All right I guess I'll come." I hang up the phone. What the fuck, is this real? I really don't know how to compartmentalize this bullshit, so fuck I'll just ignore it. I don't need this. Well maybe I do a little. I walk back into the kitchen; Kyle is giving me this fucked up look. My mom is making pancakes, eggs, toast, hash browns, and bacon. This is weird, she never makes breakfast. I guess now that her precious Kyle is home she will be doing a lot of things different.
Kyle winks at me, what does he think I did with Justin? Then nothing important happens. Small talk and the beginning of a lazy Sunday.
More to come