Desperate for Love

Desperate For Love 7

Disclaimer: This story is 100% mine. It speaks to relationships between two young men, so if stuff like that offends you (I can't imagine why it would if you're reading this on nifty), then leave. The situations are based on my experiences, but know that the names have all been changed and the situations have all been modified. If you like my work, I'd like to hear from you... Even if you don't like it, but please try not to be mean. Please respect my work. Don't try to pass it off as your own. Don't post it anywhere else without my written permission...That's about all I can think that I need to write. I hope you enjoy.

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Chapter 7

Oxymorons

I walked into the dark bedroom, sighing with relief at the familiar environment. As my thoughts consumed me, my body functioned as if on autopilot.

I didn't bother with turning on the light; I didn't need it. Crossing the threshold, I quickly closed the door, much harder than I had intended. I leaned back against the frame, both hands covering the door knob.

My mind was in turmoil. The more I thought about this evening, the angrier I became. There was a dull ache in my heart. Why? I wasn't sure.

My feelings for Riley had reached a new level of intensity, and I was certain that things would never be the same between us.

For the first time since Riley and I separated, I was confident that I could put him behind me.  After what happened tonight, we could never just be friends again. Riley had succeeded in changing my mind, just as he had intended, but I'm not sure if this was the outcome he wanted.

**************************************************

As we drove along the busy streets of Toronto after leaving the theatre, I tried hard to block out everything pertaining to Riley. Every time I thought about how he'd just embarrassed me, it was as if I SAW RED.

I didn't know what to say to him, but my feelings were on point: I was pissed as all fuck!

Driving towards whatever destination he had chosen, I found myself very much overwhelmed by the events at the theatre. I grimaced, thinking about the conversation I now needed to have with Mike.

It was always my intention to tell him about my sexuality, but that was a conversation I had hoped to have later, much later.

I had hoped that Mike and I could have grown closer before he found out. I wanted him to like me for the person I was, to see me as a friend.

I wanted him to trust me, to understand that my motives were honorable, even if not entirely innocent.

I liked him more and more each day. That, I couldn't deny. Just sitting next to him was exquisite torture, and sometimes the desire to touch him and be touched by him felt overwhelming, almost constricting.

I often thought of how it would feel to have his lips touch mine, to feel the strong muscles of his back under my hands, to gently brush his hair off his forehead. However, it was not my intention to act on those feelings.

I was now worried, almost to the point of throwing up, about how he would view me.

At this stage, after having talked with him at school and on the phone, and hanging out daily for the last month, I was convinced that Mike was straight.

I saw the way he looked at Melissa when they were together. I took envious note of the way his voice softened when he spoke of her. I listened raptly when he talked to me about her, often annoyed at him for loving her, and at myself for loving him.

Yes, I felt I loved him.

But Mike loved her. Rick also really liked her. Everyone at school seemed to idolize her, everyone except me. I didn't have anything against her, but she was not a person for whom I particularly cared. Truth be told, I disliked her, but only because I envied her.

She had the one person I cared about wrapped around her little finger, and sometimes her monopolization of his time would sicken me.

Now, sitting in the passenger's side of Riley's car, I couldn't help but think that maybe... just maybe I would now have new reason to dislike her. No matter how I chose to look at the situation, after Riley's performance at the theatre and my disappearance with him, Mike knew. How could he not? The only thing left was for me to confirm and explain what he'd surely have put together on his own. I at least owed him that much. If he rejected me, I feared exposure. With exposure would come ridicule, and regardless of my being a strong person, I wasn't sure that I could endure the endless teasing.

I had often thought, and even said on occasion that I didn't care what the people at my school thought of me, and truthfully I didn't.

What I did care about, however, was the way they formed their opinions of me, and by extension, Rick.

I cared how Mike saw me. It would hurt me no end to see Mike sneering at me, and to have to listen to others talk about me because of something he said. What the other students could and would possibly do to me didn't bother me, really. I had the love and support of my parents, and I had a great friend in Rick. What would kill me, emotionally, would be the rejection by Mike. To one day have him as a friend, but the next have him be an enemy. No matter what, no matter how he chose to handle this situation, whether he accepted me or was repulsed by me, I knew I couldn't hate him.

I heard Riley clear his throat. I was so deep in thought I didn't even realize that we had stopped. It was obvious that he had been trying to get my attention for a few moments, but I was intent on ignoring him.

Thankfully, we'd sat in silence for the drive, and even though I should have used the time to figure out what I should do about Riley, I'm glad I didn't.

My mind was now clear, and my thoughts settled. Thinking fast, I resolved that I would try to be as civil to Riley as possible. I reminded myself that although he was hurting, I wasn't prepared to do anything to ease his pain. I couldn't help the small pang of regret I felt for not giving way to the anger I wanted to unleash upon him.

Looking around I realized that I had no idea where we were.  We were on a dirt road with no street lights.  There were no cars, and all the houses were partially complete. Surprisingly, I wasn't afraid to be alone with him. My gaze was fixed outside the window, anywhere but at him.

"I'm sorry," it was barely a whisper.

I turned my head to look at him for a moment. His eyes met mine expectantly. I turned away.

I wasn't ready just yet. Had I tried, I'm sure I would have exploded, unleashing the torrents of emotions raging inside me. I looked out the window, seeing his expression mirrored in the clear glass. Anger coursed through me.

"Fuck you!" It came out of its own vehemence.

I closed my eyes, again willing myself to calm down. I reasoned that getting angry at him wouldn't solve anything, but as hard as I tried, I couldn't calm myself. I wanted to curse at him, shout at him, and embarrass him in front of crowds of people. For a moment, I envisioned myself outing him to his family, but I was quick to banish those thoughts from my mind. I still loved him too much to be malicious.

I understood that I needed all my wits about me to do what I needed to do. Now was my chance to make him understand once and for all that we were through; there was no doubt about that after tonight's performance.

I didn't know what his intentions were, or even his motives for the stunt he pulled in the theatre, but whatever they were, I'm sure he hadn't intended to push me further away.

Surprisingly, Riley just ignored my cursing at him, choosing instead to go on with his meaningless apology.

"I'm really sorry for embarrassing you like that back there, and seriously Yo, I didn't mean to talk to ya boy like that."

I saw his reflection shrug and his voice quieted even more. He was looking at me.

I didn't respond.

"I didn't mean to make a scene."

I huffed, but tried to keep my voice neutral.

"Whatever."

I couldn't control the viciousness that escaped with the words. I was trying hard to be the bigger person, but a huge part of me just wanted to slap the shit out of him, and keep on slapping. I wanted to hurt him even more than he'd hurt me. There was a part of me that wanted his blood!

Again, Riley just ignored me and pressed on.

"So you fuckin' him?"

This time, the question was asked with so much sincerity, and laced with so much pain, that I chose to ignore the temerity. Had he not hurt me so deeply, I was almost certain that I would have done anything to soothe his fears.

As if by reflex, my body swung around to face him, still a bit shocked by the question. The tight rein I held on my emotions was slipping, and again I felt a surge of both anger and resentment flare up within me.

For a moment I considered letting go. The only thing stopping me was the uncertainty I felt about which emotion I wanted to blast him with first.

"Yeah, I'm fucking him, every night for that matter," I said coldly calm, my voice soft but very firm.

I was failing miserably at being reasonable.

He just stared at me, his eyes opened wide.

I looked back, unflinching. After about a minute and a half I sighed and closed my eyes. I couldn't bring Mike into this.

"No, Riley, I'm not fucking him. He's just my friend," I all but sighed.

The relief on his face was almost palpable, but he quickly reined it in. He sighed and closed his eyes.

I felt myself calm down, most of the anger leaving me. I really didn't want to hurt him.

I turned my head, again looking out the window.

"I'm sorry," I heard him say.

"Whatever." I shrugged.

I knew we needed to talk, but I also recognized that I couldn't be the one to direct this conversation. For us to come to the resolution I needed, I wanted him to feel that he had control of this situation. Isn't that what he wanted? He needed a chance to say everything he wanted to, and I needed to hear him out. He was the one who demanded that we talk, so I was prepared to just sit there and wait him out.

He shifted in his seat and then he sighed.

"Look we need to talk."

"No shit, Sherlock."

The sarcasm was unintentional, but I also couldn't help the small smile that played on my lips. I was only human after all. I told myself that I needed to be compassionate towards him, but my mind kept flickering to images of Mike standing in front of me, and Riley calling him `Whiteboy'. I didn't want to make this easy for him, but if we were to be resolved tonight, I knew I needed to, but I just couldn't. I told him that we would talk later...on my terms, which to me was only fair. Wasn't he the one to dump me? Did he not send me the letter through Rick when he was ready?

I was now in his car. He was the one to follow me to the movies, and there, he was the one who'd created the scene. He was the one who had humiliated me in front of my friend.

Fuck it!

I was not going to make this any easier for him. In all fairness, I shouldn't.

He sighed again, much louder this time. It sounded much like a groan.

"Can you give me a break, please?"

"For what? Why should I?"

I was almost shouting. I kept telling myself to calm down, but I'd had it. Fuck calm! I would raise my voice to any level I wanted, and he'd just have to accept that. That, at least, would be my right for tonight.

"Look...Chase, I'm sorry, OK? I didn't mean to embarrass you like that."

I heard myself huff and I watched amused as he flinched.

I didn't say anything. Besides, hadn't he said that already?

After a few moments of thick silence, he went on.

"I know you said that you'd talk to me after the holidays, but I needed to talk now. I really have some things I need to get off my chest."

I just looked at him. My face, I'm sure mirrored my heart. At that moment, I felt nothing; then a blissful calm, almost-superior feeling welled up in me.

I still said nothing, though, my eyes remaining locked on his.

He didn't turn away. He was allowing me, almost begging me to see him at his most vulnerable, but surprisingly I felt nothing in response. When it became obvious that I wasn't going to say anything he started up again.

"You don't have to say anything. I know you're angry at me, Chase, but shit, you have to understand where I'm comin' from.

"You expect me to wait until Monday or Tuesday to talk? You refuse most of my calls and when I stop by ya place, you're never home even though your car's almost always in the driveway.

"That's cold, Yo! I'd never have done that shit to you, Chase, and you know it! No matter how fuckin' pissed you got me, I always listened when you needed to talk. I never once refused your calls. NEVER!!!"

I watched as Riley worked himself up; he was all but shouting at this point. All I felt, though, was calm. I really wanted my heart to go out to him. I wanted to feel pity, sympathy, compassion, anything really, but I couldn't. I didn't feel anything other than calm. I realized that I had made my peace with this situation and outside of letting him know where we stood, there was nothing else I needed to say. What could I possibly say to make him feel better, and if there was anything, would I want him feeling better?

"FUCK YOU, CHASE! SAY SOMETHING!... SHIT!!!"

He punched the steering wheel.

I didn't even flinch.

I wasn't afraid of Riley and I was no longer afraid of myself. I would not take him back. Tough as it was for him, he couldn't change my mind.

"I have nothing to say."

My voice was calm in comparison to his. It was soft, but firm. I didn't look away from him.

I saw a flash of pain that was quickly replaced by anger. His eyes narrowed and his expression hardened. My face remained expressionless.

I watched as the anger drained out of him. He realized that I was not going to be affected by his emotional outpouring. I saw something else flash through him, but I couldn't be sure which emotion it was. Could it be...resignation?

"Fuck me." It was almost a whisper, so soft I wasn't sure I heard him correctly.

"What?" My voice expressed the confusion I felt.

He closed his eyes. "I said, fuck me," his voice still quiet, but firmer.

I didn't say anything. I just looked at him, still unsure if I'd heard him correctly.

In all the time that Riley and I were together he'd always assumed the dominant role in our love making. He'd always been the one to penetrate me, never letting me anywhere near his ass.

"Why?" I finally managed to get out.

"Because I love you, Chase. I want you to be my first -- my only."

I thought about what he was asking of me and without hesitation instantly I knew my answer. There was nothing to think about.

"No."

"What? Why not?"

He seemed surprised by my answer, almost as if he weren't expecting it.

I sighed, "Because your first time should be with someone you love, Riley... someone who loves you back just as much."

"So you sayin' you don't love me."

"You know I love you."

"So fuck me," His answer was so matter-of-fact, like it was the simplest decision in the world.

I took a moment to consider his reasoning. I really did love him. I sighed. I wasn't in love with him, and I couldn't do that to him. Furthermore, I had a sneaky suspicion that there was more to this than Riley was letting on. If he was asking me to take his virginity in the hopes that I would take him back, I especially couldn't do it, I wouldn't, not while knowing that after it all I still wouldn't take him back.

"No. I'm not going to."

"Look, you owe me. At least give me this."

"What the fuck do I owe you?" I felt a surge of anger that I was quick to quell.

"Break-up sex," he shrugged his shoulders making it sound like it should be obvious.

I wouldn't argue with him on this point, and he knew it. In the early stages of our relationship we had made a pact. We agreed that if we were to ever break up, no matter what the reason, we had to have break-up sex.

I now resented that pact. It was made when sex was still new to us, exciting and very unpredictable. Now, going through with it would feel like a chore.

"Ok. But I'm still not fucking you."

I figured that if he saw that I wasn't really interested, that I was just giving myself to him as a way to keep a promise, he would relent.

He didn't.

"Ok. Then I'll just fuck you."

His voice was smug, and in that instant, for the first time ever, I wanted to hit him.

"Just get it over with," I said, simultaneously unbuckling my seatbelt

I wanted to make this as clinical as ever. Every part of me felt reservation for what I feared was about to happen. This would be a first for me with Riley.

As I reclined the passenger's seat, I allowed myself a sideways glance at the boy I once loved, the boy I still loved. I couldn't recognize him. Sitting on the side of me was someone completely different, and that realization crushed me.

For an instant my breath came out in hurried gasps, and I feared I was about to hyperventilate. Riley didn't even flinch; never once did he even look at me. Had I done this to him? Had my refusal of him turned him into such a bitter person, unconcerned of my feelings, but eagerly awaiting my body? Never in all the times had Riley and I had sex, before, after, or during had I ever felt as empty as I did at that moment.

I toed off my shoes, and haphazardly took off my pants. I turned around and presented my ass for him. As melodramatic as it sounds, I felt like a death row inmate on my way to the gallows. My heart thumped heavily in my chest. My breath, now calmed, came out in shallow huffs.

I felt defeated.

This wasn't my Riley. No. My Riley would never do this to me. My Riley would never hold me to a promise that I didn't want to fulfill. My Riley would do anything to see me happy even if it left him sad.

I tried to blank my mind. I couldn't bear the thought of Riley taking something from me this way. He loved me, I knew he did. He would change his mind.

Yes, I had offered myself to Riley, but only in hopes of him realizing the absurdness of his proposal. How could he expect me to sleep with him, to take his virginity in good conscience knowing that my answer would still be the same afterwards?

Toeing off my sneakers, I unbuckled my belt and slid my jeans off. I lifted my shirt, but refused to take it off. I just laid there- docile.

I was so detached from the moment that I wasn't even aware of Riley until I heard him loudly spit onto his fingers.

I felt the fingers of one hand roughly spread my cheeks, as the fingers of his other hand, coated with his spit, massage my hole.

It did nothing for me.

I was almost naked and sexual with Riley, and for the first time, not aroused. This night was definitely one of firsts.

He did nothing to prepare me before I felt his weight on my back and his thick cock prodding my hole. I had the sense of mind to utter only one word.

"Condom."

He stilled momentarily.

"Why?" His voice was cold, but the lust was evident.

"You're not fucking me without a condom, Riley."

My voice was just as cold, almost methodical, but Riley didn't seem to notice. Either that, or he didn't care.

He sighed.

"Whatever...fuck! We never fucked around with condoms before. Why now? You fuckin' someone else?"

He was being intentionally malicious, goading me in hopes of getting a reaction. I refused to take the bait. I heard him tear open the condom packet and felt him unrolling the prophylactic on his large tool.

`Fuck you' I wanted to say.

`No!' something inside me snapped, and with a bitter taste of realization I was going to be the one to get fucked tonight, both literally and figuratively.

"Fuck you, Riley." I spat out before I could control myself.

As if reading my thoughts, his reply stunned me.

" Nah Chase. Fuck YOU!!"

He stressed the word `you', and as he said it he roughly entered me. I couldn't stop myself from crying out. The pain was intense. I felt like something tore.

He paused. At least he was being gracious enough to allow me time to adjust to his invasion. He had what felt like more than half of his length in me. His breathing, though occasionally erratic was controlled. After about ten seconds, I felt him gently push another little bit in. The pain was beginning to recede. I steeled myself, refusing to be turned on by this.

By any definition wasn't this consensual rape- an oxymoron in itself?

As he bottomed out in me I heard him groan. Thankfully, again he stilled, again allowing me to adjust to his size. It had definitely been a while since I'd felt him this way. He moaned in my ear, the sound guttural and passionate.

I felt my cock stiffen, and I fought everything in me to keep it flaccid.  This was not supposed to feel good. I was not going to get off. For the first time ever, I would not touch my dick.

He licked my right ear, a long fluid swipe that trailed from the lobe upwards, and into the canal itself. I couldn't help but moan as my cock hardened even more.

"You like that, don't you, baby." It was a statement.Before I even considered responding to him, he went on, "I know you do."

His voice was thick with lust and throaty.

I didn't say anything. He started to slowly pump my asshole with long, slow withdrawals, leaving in only the head; even slower insertions followed, smoothly caressing my now overly sensitive prostate.

"Ahhhhh." I couldn't stop myself from crying out. The pleasure was intense.

Why the fuck was I enjoying this. I didn't want this? This was something I was doing for Riley. I was not going to play any part in this. Riley wanted to fuck me, so I let him. I resolved that to me, this would be all about his pleasure. However, my mind was saying one thing and my body another.

As he sped up his thrusts, I could feel every ridge of his cock, every thick vein.

He reached forward, lifting my shirt mere inches to expose my engorged nipples. He squeezed them both with just the perfect amount of pressure. I groaned again, lost in the sensations coursing through my body.

The feelings in my ass were delicious. He was doubly assaulting me, his thickness spreading my hole and tickling the nerve endings around the opening and his length brushing my prostate twice on every rotation.

My mind was in a haze. I moaned again, deep and throaty. I couldn't stop myself.

My dick was now like steel, and I felt a warm pool of precum gathering at the head. I at least had the presence of mind to inwardly laugh at the stain it would leave on his upholstered seat. I didn't care though. I was too focused on the feelings now overtaking me. I figured that as long as I didn't touch myself I was a victim of Riley's callousness.

It didn't matter if I got hard, as long as I didn't cum.

"I love you so fuckin' much, Chase. No one will ever fuck you like I can, baby."

He began sucking painfully hard on the right side of my neck, and again I cried out. This time, however, I was confused. The pain was as pleasurable as everything else he was doing to me. This was a night of oxymorons, it seemed.

"You're so tight...mmmm...so tight," he whispered in my ear; his sweet breath gently caressing my nostrils.

I felt an intense pressure building up in my cock. It was on fire. Almost as if by reflex I arched my back and turned my head, blindly seeking out his lips.

As he pushed in, even harder than before, I couldn't help but grind into the passenger's seat. The feelings were so intense, for a moment I feared I would pass out. My heart was beating wildly. My body was slick with sweat.

Riley was still pinching my nipples, with every inward thrust he was rolling them between his fingers.

"That's right, baby. Fuck that seat...Get into it for me."

His voice left me feeling degraded, but at the same time, utterly turned on. I threw caution to the wind and continued to grind into the car seat.

FUCK!!

I groaned loudly, and before I could even register what was happening I started to cum. The orgasm was intense. As spurt after spurt of creamy, thick cum pulsed out of my cock, I continued grinding. I was going to milk this orgasm for all it was worth. I couldn't control it coming, but I'd prolong its intensity.

I heard a primordial moan from Riley; something from deep within him. His thrusts became both harder and faster almost simultaneously.

"FUCK!!! I'M CUMMIN'!"

One last thrust, and then it was done. I felt his sweaty body drop on my back, the wetness and heat in the car now almost stifling. He didn't withdraw, instead leaving his cock deep within me.

A deep sense of shame overwhelmed me. I wanted him off me, and I wanted to go home. 

I jerked my body to the side, jostling him.

"Get off," my voice was cold.

He didn't say anything; he just rolled off of me, barely avoiding hurting himself on the gear shift.

"I want to go home." My voice was flat, almost emotionless.

"Ok," he said, shocking me.

Was I hoping for more of a fight?

I really didn't care about the answer to that question. At the moment, I felt dirty and I desperately wanted a shower.

"Gimme a moment, and then I'll take you...K?"

"Yeah. Whatever."

************************************

As Riley's car pulled up in front of my house, the first thing I noticed was Mike's car in the drive way.

I cringed.

Riley and I hadn't said a word during the drive over, and I was thankful. If he noticed the strange car, he didn't say anything. He just stopped the car, not bothering to put it in park.

He turned to face me. His face was blank and for the most part emotionless.

I turned my body to face him but by then he was already facing forward. He kept his head forward, his eyes darting sideways occasionally. We played this game for about a minute.

I sighed loudly. I seemed to be doing that a lot tonight.

"Look, Riley, this can't happen again."

He didn't say anything, just nodded his head, his gaze still looking forward. I waited another moment.

"I'm serious."

My voice calm, but strong. I needed to be certain that he understood me.

"I know." His voice, although quiet had an edge to it.

"I'm not only talking about the sex, Ry."

"Look, I said I know OK? SHIT!!!"

His outburst shocked me.  All of his behavior was seemingly uncharacteristic. He finally turned his body to face mine; his face still void of emotion.

"Ok."

I decided not to continue this line of conversation. Everything else I wanted to say to him was unimportant. I turned my body forward and moved my hand to open the passenger door. When my hand was on the handle, Riley spoke; his voice colored with more than just a tinge of pain.

He was hurting and for some reason this tugged at my heart.

"So, I see Whiteboy's here to make sure you get home alright."

His voice cracked on `Whiteboy'. I could almost hear his resolve to keep it all together.

"What do you mean?"

He didn't say anything, he just pointed to Mike's car. Mike's frame was silhouetted, but not easily recognizable. I wondered briefly how he knew it was Mike.

"Whatever. Look, I have to go. Take care of yourself," he said.

He turned his head, again facing forward, letting me know that I had just been dismissed. A brief surge of anger flooded through me- the nerve of him!

I realized that I was getting what I wanted. He finally seemed to understand that we were through. I thought about what my last words to him should be.

"I love you."

I didn't wait for a response. I opened the door and got out. Walking across the grass to Mike's car, I was resolved not to look back. I heard more than saw Riley's car drive away.

I stopped about three feet from Mike's car.

There he was, sitting in the driver's seat, watching me. His window was still turned up.

I looked at him; he looked at me. We said nothing.

I couldn't see his eyes, but I could see the tip of his thumb was in his mouth. He opened the door and stepped out.

He just stood there, looking at me.

He looked at me and I looked at him, but we said nothing.

He moved forward. I watched him, almost immobilized by uncertainty. Then it hit me.

I reeked of sex – man sex!

I stepped back. Mike stopped, looking at me puzzled. He still said nothing.

I took a deep breath.

"What's up?"

I knew it was lame, but it was all I could think of.

"I wanted to make sure you got home Ok."

His voice was soft, almost timid.

"You could have called." I said gently, effusing the words with laughter, hoping to lighten the mood.

"I know."

We stood there again, the moment growing awkward. He again took a step forward, coming closer to me, for what I wasn't sure.

I took another step back, moving further away. I didn't want him to smell me.

"I need to get inside. Can we talk tomorrow?"

My eyes were locked with his.

He didn't say anything, just looked at me. His lips slightly parted, brows gently furrowed.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

His voice was so soft- gentle. He wasn't judging me. I sensed pain in his voice, but I couldn't be sure. I wished that I could really see into his eyes, but it was too dark.

"I was scared."

I decided to keep it simple.

"Why?"

One word, but so much emotion. Our eyes were still locked, neither prepared to look away.

I didn't know what to say. I couldn't fit what I wanted to say into words just yet. There were too many thoughts that I already needed to figure out.

I shrugged.

He took another step forward. I was about to take anther step back.

"STOP!"

His voice was forceful, but not harsh.

"Why do you keep stepping away from me?"

He sounded hurt more than anything. I didn't know how to respond.

"Why do you keep stepping forward?"

I figured that answering his question with a question would at least buy me some time to figure out what I was going to say to him, and how I was going to avoid his coming too close.

He just stared at me for a moment. He stepped forward again, and again I took a step back. We were now almost in the middle of the lawn.

"I just want to talk, Chase."

"We're talking."

"Face to face." His voice held a certain determination to it that I wasn't sure I wanted to challenge. Our talk would have to wait. There was just too much I needed to sort out.

"Not tonight...please?"

It was a plea, and we both knew it. He stopped advancing.

"Ok."

He didn't offer anything else. He just looked at me.

I couldn't stop myself, I needed to ask him,

"Are we alright?"

"Yup."  It was a simple answer that meant so much to me.

"Promise?"

I sounded like a child, but I couldn't help it.

"I promise." He smiled.

He stayed looking at me for another moment, before he turned on his heels and started back for his car. He didn't stop, and he didn't look back.

"Mike!"

He stopped walking, but didn't turn to face me.

"Can I call you...please?"

He was quiet for a moment.

"Anytime, Chase...Anytime."

He started walking again, got to his car, jumped in and turned it on. He looked at me for a moment, smiled, and then started reversing out the drive way.

I stood there, again immobilized. I watched the car until it reached the end of the street, signaled right and then it turned.

I felt a mixture of relief, anger, and fear.

My emotions were again in free fall.

I turned and walked towards the front door. The only thought in my mind was that of my shower.

Ok, so chapter seven is over and done with. This has probably been one of the more challenging chapters that I've written, so far. I actually completed this several weeks ago, but because of the sex scene I was apprehensive to do the initial edit. I know this makes me seem like a prude, but I'm not. I was just nervous as to how the scene worked out. Also, after I did the initial edit and sent it off to the editors, there was an issue about the creative direction. Thankfully, the issue was resolved in such a way that works for the story, and the characterization. I will say that I will be taking a short break from the story. By break, I mean that future chapters will take a little longer to post. I had mentioned earlier that I'm a graduate student, but what I didn't mention is that I'm horrible at getting my school work done. I look for every distraction in the world. I think it's time that I stop hiding behind this story though, and do what I need to. Until the next chapter, which won't be too long of a wait, I wish you all great reading. Please send me an email letting me know what you think. I like to hear that there are people reading. It's also very encouraging to know that people appreciate my efforts. Take the time and just drop a line to say whatever you think.

Special thanks to Baruch, Stuart, and Gardner. You guys rock!!