Desperate for Love

Desperate For Love 8

Disclaimer: This story is 100% mine. It speaks to relationships between two young men, so if stuff like that offends you (I can't imagine why it would if you're reading this on nifty), then leave. The situations are based on my experiences, but know that the names have all been changed and the situations have all been modified. If you like my work, I'd like to hear from you... Even if you don't like it, but please try not to be mean. Please respect my work. Don't try to pass it off as your own. Don't post it anywhere else without my written permission...That's about all I can think that I need to write. I hope you enjoy.

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Chapter 8

Kinsey Concepts

Saturday morning arrived too quickly as I was awakened by the incessant ringing of my cell phone. A quick look at the alarm clock told me that it was only 6 AM. The call display revealed a number that should have been familiar, but grogginess inhibited my ability to recognize it.

"Hello?" I croaked.

"Chase?" The voice sounded familiar, but I still couldn't place it.

"Yeah. Who is this?" I'll be the first to tell you that I'm not a morning person.

"It's Mike."

There was a pause. For a moment I was lost for words, shocked that he would call so early, shocked that he would call at all after last night.

"You there, Chase?"

I shook my head gently in an attempt to clear the cobwebs.

"Hey...Sorry about that, I guess I zoned out. What's up?"

"It's alright. Look, I need to see you." It wasn't a question.

"Ok..." I thought for a moment. "When?"

"Now. I'm outside."

Experiencing an immediate shock to my system, I quickly jumped out of the bed and began scrambling for something to wear, the phone balanced between my ear and shoulder.

"Are you serious?"

"About wanting to talk or about being outside?" I could hear the smile in his voice, and for some reason, it calmed me.

"Both."

"Yeah. I'm really outside. Look, I thought I'd take you for breakfast...my treat."

Somehow I doubted that I could refuse him. Even if I wanted to, the thought of Mike sitting in my driveway, quite possibly grungy, stirred something deep inside me.

"Okay. Give me a few minutes to throw on some clothes and brush my teeth. I'll be right out."

I heard a sigh, which I guessed to be one of relief.

"Good. I'll see you in a few." He hung up.

***************************************

"So where are we going?" I asked as we drove along the already teeming streets of the city. I was a little amazed that so many cars were on the road. I'd never been up this early before, much less out of the house.

"I was thinking we could go to Cora's up in Mississauga."

"Are you serious? Dude, they're a bit expensive, I'd say."

Mike looked at me briefly out of the corner of his eye.

"Since when do you say `dude'?"

I blushed, thankful that he couldn't tell. "I don't know," I answered shyly.

"Anyway..." I was willing to try anything to change the subject. "Are they even open? It's kinda early."

"Yeah, they open at six."

"Okay, but they're still expensive and I'm sorta short on cash."

Mike then did something that rendered me speechless. He took his right hand off the steering wheel and gently squeezed my knee, nothing too intimate, but enough to send blood straight to my cock.

"I'm paying, remember?"

That's all that he said, and just as quickly he removed his hand.

We didn't talk anymore on the fifteen minute drive to the restaurant. Mike, it seemed, was concentrating on driving, but somehow I knew there was something else on his mind, maybe something to do with last night. My thoughts, on the other hand, were everywhere. It felt like far more than a few hours had passed since Riley dropped me off and I was left standing in front of Mike.

I turned my gaze from the window and looked at Mike, a new realization having tickled my consciousness.

"Is this about last night?"

Mike didn't look at me.

"What about last night?" I couldn't help but notice his Adam's apple as it bobbed when he swallowed.

"About what happened at the movies, maybe about what we talked about in my drive way...?"

"On your lawn," he interrupted.

"Driveway...lawn...same thing." I sighed.

He turned his head and looked at me for a few moments. He opened his mouth as if to say something, but then he paused.

Finally, "Yes and no." His words were slow, and deliberate.

"What do you mean?" My eyes were narrowed, and my head was slightly tilted in a classic Chase pose.

"Well, I think... I think we need to talk about some stuff. You know...clear the air a bit. Not necessarily about last night, but..."

His voice trailed off, leaving the sentence open.

"But what?" I couldn't let it go.

"I just think we should talk." He looked at me, his eyes searing my soul. Just before I began to feel like I was being sucked in he tore his eyes away to focus on the road.

"Ok." It was all I could manage.

**************************************

As we sat in the restaurant, waiting for the waitress to bring us our food, the conversation was stilted, almost nonexistent. Mike hadn't said anything after suggesting our talk in the car, and I figured that since it was he who'd asked to meet at such an ungodly hour, I'd leave the ball in his court.

Finally the waitress brought the food. As she set the dishes in front of us, I looked up at her. She really was a pretty girl. I chanced a look at Mike, and as expected he was checking her out as she walked away.

"So, you think she's cute?"

As he snapped his attention back to me, I noticed a slow blush creeping up his cheeks.

"Meh, she's alright," he shrugged.

We didn't say anything more, both digging into our breakfasts.

Finally, I couldn't take the silence anymore. I cleared my throat.

"Mike?"

He looked up from his plate...smiling. My expression became puzzled.

"What are you smiling at?"

"You just couldn't wait, could you?" His voice had a teasing quality to it that quickly drew me in, and before I knew it, I was smiling broadly.

"I knew if I waited long enough, you'd eventually crack, and you did."

"Yeah, yeah...whatever. So, sue me...I'm predictable." I still couldn't help the smile coloring my face. I also realized that I was gently biting my bottom lip — a clear indication that I was flirting, albeit subconsciously.

My smile broadened. After last night, I no longer felt the need to hide it. I was still determined to not make a move on him, but I figured that flirting was alright... as long as it wasn't too overt, and maybe only in private.

If Mike realized what I was doing, he didn't comment.

"So...what do you wanna talk about?" I tried to be more serious, relaxing the smile off my face.

" You... last night."

He didn't offer anything else.

"Ok. Anyplace in particular you wanna start?" I momentarily stopped eating, placing tip of my index finger between my teeth.

He paused for a moment, as if gathering his thoughts. He looked at me, his eyes piercing mine. I didn't look away, determined to stand up tall in the face of his inquisition.

"Are you gay?" His voice was timid—soft—but at the same time possessing a certain sense of confidence.

I didn't blink.

"Yes."

He sighed in a way that intoned resignation, but I couldn't be sure. I wasn't going to offer anything else.

"Ok."

He obviously wasn't either. Our eyes remained locked, the tension building steadily between us. I felt my heart beating steadily in my chest. The scent of vanilla from the crepe filled my nostrils.

"Are you alright with that?" I had to ask. I needed to know if I was about to lose my friend...my crush.

He smiled.

"You can be really dense at times, ya know." His smile transformed into a grin.

I couldn't help smiling also, but it was more cautious, almost forced.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, I'd obviously figured out you were gay from last night...We're here this morning, I'm buying you breakfast, so obviously I'm alright with it."

My smile became more genuine.

"Yeah. I guess I am dense."

I picked up my fork and started eating again, occasionally looking over at Mike. The smile hadn't left his face.

"So, was that guy your boyfriend?"

"Who, Riley- from the theatre?" I was hedging, stalling for time and we both knew it.

"Who else?"

"Good point. He was."

"'Was'? What happened? I mean, why did you two break up?" His expression was serious, but at the same time curious, like he genuinely wanted to know, which I suppose, he did.

"Well, after a year, he figured he needed to be straight." My voice was laced with sarcasm.

"Ah...one of those."

He didn't say anything else. I looked at him curiously, waiting for him to go on, but he didn't.

"One of what?"

He smiled. "Bi-curious guys," he offered matter-of-factly.

"What do you know about bi-curious guys?" I couldn't stop myself from asking, nor could I stop the amused smirk that garnished my face.

He didn't seem offended; instead his smile grew wider.

"I was one of them." Again, his eyes locked on mine, almost as if he were challenging me to judge him.

"Was?"

"Yeah. Was." There was a deliberate emphasis on the word `was'.

I took another bite of my food, chewing slowly, biding time. My eyes never left his, and his never left mine. We were coming to a silent understanding. He was silently offering answers to questions that I was too afraid to ask...only, I couldn't read the answers he was sending me.

"What happened...tell me about it?" My question was shy...softly asked. I felt my face heating up.

His smile became gentle.

"Well, it was actually just last year. Right before I met Melissa. I was curious about what it would be like to make it with a guy, so I fooled around with a childhood friend." He shrugged. "Nothing much to tell, really."

I smiled. More consciously this time, I bit my bottom lip, intentionally flirting.

"What did you two do? Did you like it?"

He laughed out loud this time. There was just a hint of discomfort in his voice. He was no longer looking at me, choosing instead to focus on the last morsel of food left on his plate.

Before he could answer, our waitress was back.

"Everything alright, guys? Would you like anything else? More coffee?" Each question asked in rapid succession with almost no breaks allowing for breaths or responses. She looked at us expectantly, her eyes shifting from Mike to me.

"I'm good thanks," I said.

"I'll actually have some more coffee, please," Mike offered as he drained his mug and then handed it to her.

"Sure, Sweetheart." I could have sworn that I saw her wink at him. Just for a moment there was a flare up of jealousy...or was it envy. I quickly quelled that, though, reminding myself that I had no claim to Mike.

Mike, for his part just blushed. I guessed he was just used to such attention, or was the blush an indication that he wasn't?

After filling his coffee cup and then ensuring that we were not yet ready for the cheque, she left, taking our empty dishes with her.

"So.....?" I questioned, making no attempt at being subtle.

Mike looked up at me. There was a gentle smile on his face, almost as if he were admiring me. His eyes locked with mine yet again, and I watched almost as if in slow motion, as he took the coffee mug to his lips. He took a slow sip, sighed blissfully, and then put the cup down.

"Well..." there was a pause. "I won't go into whom with" he wiggled his eye brows and asked me if I liked his English. Then he continued, "... but I will say that it was a guy."

"Duh!!! I wonder what gave that away." I rolled my eyes and shook my head.

He just smiled. "We didn't do much, though, just basically...you know."

He flushed a delicious shade of red. He looked so cute, almost innocent in his embarrassment. For a moment I contemplated letting him off the hook, but I guess that somewhere deep within me, I am a masochist.

"No, I don't know, actually." I couldn't help smiling. Unconsciously, I moistened my lips, allowing my tongue to linger on a tooth-edge. I again found myself gently nibbling my bottom lip. I was intrigued-- almost hopeful.

Mike blushed deeper. He made to say something, but suddenly stopped. On the table, his fingers were busily fluttering away like tiny legs. He too was biting his bottom lip, but somehow I doubted that he was trying to flirt.

He looked up at me, took a deep breath and then exhaled.

"Well, we just touched each other's..." He gestured with his right index finger to his lap.

I looked at him, amused, "Penises?"

He just nodded. "And he sucked me off." This last bit was offered under his breath, almost as if he hoped I wouldn't hear it.

I didn't say anything for a moment, lost in the image of Mike being sucked off by some dude; annoyed that it wasn't me. Mike for his part was quiet after this, his eyes glued to the table.

"Mike?"

He looked up at me.

"It's alright, you know. All guys do it."

He smiled, and for a moment I was glad that I said something to reassure him. He then looked at me seriously.

"I didn't love him or anything, though."

I instantly figured that Mike was actually telling me something deeper than his statement told.

"I didn't think you did." Again, we held eye contact.

"Don't get me wrong, Chase, I enjoyed it, you know. But it just didn't..." He looked up at the ceiling, the fingers on his left hand swishing over his pursed lips as if hoping an answer would drop down and into his head. One may have, because he then looked at me and resumed.

"It was just sex." Plain and simple. I didn't say anything. "See, it's like this, I believe all guys are curious about sex, especially at puberty. Oftentimes they'll have a close childhood friend, and he and that friend may experiment, much like I did. I don't believe that makes me gay though.

"Have you ever heard of the Kinsey scale?"

I nodded my head in the affirmative.

"Ok, well, I agree with his concept. I believe that sexuality should be considered on a sliding scale, let's say from one to five. Me? I'd say that I'm a two. I can find guys attractive, maybe even sexy, but that's it for me. I doubt I have the capability to fall in love with a dude... That doesn't mean that I can't like the dude I fool around with, it just  means..."

I cut him off.

"The dude you fool around with? Does that mean you intend to do it again?" I placed particular emphasis on his present tense usage of `fool around'.

He blushed again. He seemed to be doing that a lot this morning.

"Fooled around with, and m_aybe_. I mean, no. Not as long as I'm with Melissa." He said it while looking at me in such a way that I gave the impression he was speaking specifically to me.

"Are you trying to tell me something, Mike?"

"Something like what?" His words were slow and deliberate, delivered with a calm sense of seriousness that set the hairs on the back of my neck on end. Our eyes were locked and I refused to be the first to look away.

I saw our waitress approaching from behind Mike. Switching my gaze, I looked at her and imperceptibly shook my head, warding her away from interrupting us. I felt that Mike and I were approaching an important juncture that we needed to cross together.

"You tell me. Are you saying that you won't fool around...with me... as long as you're with Melissa?"

I had almost whispered the words `with me'. I couldn't even hold his gaze when I said them. Even after the words had left my mouth I refused to look up at him.

"Why would you think I was talking about you, Chase?"

I looked up at him. His expression remained open, but at the same time serious.

"I don't know." I all but mumbled.

"Chase,..." he stopped, then sighed. " Look, there's no easy way to ask this, so just tell me, ok?"

"Tell you what?"

He took a breath, and then looked down at the table again.

"Are you attracted to me?" I barely heard him.

"What?"

"Are you attracted to me? I mean... I'm not vain or anything, but it's just that... well, I kinda got that impression from hanging with you, but I wasn't sure, you know. But now that I know about you and...what did you say his name was"

"Riley."

"Yeah, Riley. Well, now that I know about you and Riley, some things just seem to make sense, you know."

He stopped speaking again.

"Yeah." That's all I could think of to say.

"Yeah, to what?"

I looked at him, puzzled.

"Yes, you're attracted to me, or yes, you understand what I'm saying?"

I smiled. I couldn't help it. Somehow I knew that no matter what my answer, things between us would be ok.

"Yes, I'm attracted to you." I kept my eyes fixed on him. I wanted to see the play of any emotions that may have crossed his face. Instead of the myriad I had expected, I only saw one, and it left me confused: relief.

He smiled.

"That's good." I was expecting any answer but that one.

"Good? How can that be good?"

He began laughing, quite boisterously for so early in the morning. I looked at my watch- 7:45am. The few patrons in the restaurant turned to look at our table, but almost instantly their attentions were focused back to what they'd been doing before.

"Good because now I'm gonna tease the hell outta you." His smile was almost a mile wide. I know it's cliché, but that's the only way to describe it. It was dazzling.

"So tell me, what about me do you find so attractive? Wait! Before you answer that, using the same one to five rating of gayness, with one being super straight and five being super gay, where would you say you fit?"

"Hmmm..." I seriously considered what he was asking me. "I'd say I'm about a 3.75."

"So you're more gay than straight then?"

"Yeah, I'd say."

He nodded once, pursing his lips in a casual way that was unusually...ghetto.

"That's cool, playa. But anyway, so what about me do you find most attractive?"

I smiled, both at his playfulness and at his temerity. I found myself biting my bottom lip, this time enjoying the slight flirtation that I was about to engage in.

"Why do you wanna know? So you can tease me about it?"

"You know it! So tell me."

"No."

"Tell me."

"Nope."

"Com'mon Chase, you have to tell me. It's only fair."

"What!!! How's that fair?"

"Well, if situations were reversed, I'd tell you." He again wore a teasing smile.

"Nah uh, you so wouldn't."

"So would."

"Oh god, this is like talking to a pre-schooler." What I didn't tell him was that I found it irresistibly cute.

He grinned.

"And I haven't even started to nag, yet."

I groaned.

"I'm still not telling."

"Ok, just one thing, then."

"Ok, I'll tell you one thing I find attractive about you... but on one condition."

I smirked.

"Ok, what?"

"Do you find me attractive?" Before he could answer I cut him off. "And you have to look me in the eyes when you answer."

He starred at me, somewhat incredulously. After about a moment, he finally said something.

"Ok, you're on." His eyes locked with mine. For a moment, neither of us said anything. "Yes, Chase, I find you attractive, very attractive actually. I think you could get any girl in our school if you wanted."

My breath caught in my throat. I couldn't say anything, still lost in the intensity of his stare. It wasn't exactly what I wanted to hear, but somehow, it was a lot more than I'd expected.

He broke the gaze.

"Ok, your turn." His voice acquired some of its earlier exuberance.

"What do you want to know exactly?"

"Tell me one thing about me that you find attractive."

"Ok, one thing..." Instantly, I had an answer for him, but I hedged. I didn't want him to figure out the extent of my crush on him.

"Well, you know how your hair curls gently at the end? There's this thing you do when your hair gets in your eyes. It's like you tilt your head, while at the same time doing this subtle-like shake. Then you take just the tips of your fingers and drag the errant strands to the side. All the while you're doing this, in like...seconds! You get this really intense look on your face, that's so fucking erotic."

I blushed deeply realizing that I'd said too much. I had gotten so carried away that as I was explaining this to him that I had closed my eyes, as if imaging him doing it just then.

When I looked at him, he had this amused look on his face. He'd also begun to gently tinge pink.

Suddenly, his eyes opened wide. He practically guffawed.

"Dude, are you fucking blushing? You so are. I can't fucking believe it!"

I didn't say anything, still too embarrassed. For Mike to have noticed the blush of my dark-colored skin, I must have been blushing really hard. I cursed my skin for not being even darker. For a moment, I just wished the ground would open up and swallow me whole. A clichéd response to a clichéd act. How the hell could I have become so carried away?

Thankfully, I saw the waitress walking by. I waved my hand to get her attention. She came over.

"Are you boys ready for your cheque?"

"Yes, please," I said before Mike could say anything.

"One or two bills?"

"One would be just fine," Mike said.

"Ok, I'll have it ready for you in a few minutes. Would you like anything else? Coffee?" This last question she addressed to Mike.

"No thanks, I'm good."

"Ok." She nodded, and was off.

"I'm gonna head to the washroom."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever blush boy. Don't be in there all day."

"You're not going to let me live this one down, will ya?" I couldn't help smiling.

"Nope."

With that, I turned and headed to the bathroom.

**************************************************

"Hello?"

"Rick?"

"Who else, Dick-for-brains?"

"Err?" I'd never heard Rick talk like this and was somewhat taken aback by it.

"Sigh. Moving on, Chase. What's up?"

"Ah nothing much, just woke up."

"Are you serious! You do realize that it's after four, right?"

I stretched languorously, not quite ready to get out of bed, but thinking I really should.

"Well, I'm not really just getting up. I'm just getting up again. I was up and at um at six this morning, got back in around 8:30 and then went back to bed."

"And your parents let you sleep this late?"

Typical Rick, but he was right. My dad was a man who firmly believed that men should not sleep past twelve. He'd already knocked on my door once this morning to rouse me up. After mumbling grumpily that I'd just arrived back in, he'd left me alone.

"Yeah. Listen, I called for a reason. Mike knows."

There was a moment's pause. "Knows what?"

"What do you think?"

"I don't know, Chase. What does he know?"

"He knows that I'm gay."

"What the fuck!! How? How did he react?"

It was like a soul train medley of questions, one right after the other.

"Whoa there, Donald. One question at a time. Before I answer your questions, though, I need you to answer one of mine."

I didn't wait for him to respond.

"Did you tell Riley where we were going last night?"

He paused, and then answered almost timidly. "Yeah...why?" The `why' was very cautious.

"Didn't Mike tell you guys about the scene at the movies last night?"

I heard a muffled `Oh shit.'

"What scene? With who?"

"Who do you think?"

"Riley?"

"Yup."

"What happened. Was Mike involved? When was this?"

"Whoa there. One at a time, remember? Well, to cut a long story short, Riley was watching the same movie we were. He saw me when I left to use the bathroom and followed me. He demanded that we leave right then to as he put it `talk'. Mike came out just as Riley was creating a small scene. Needless to say Mike didn't like it, and Riley didn't like Mike. I think you can gather what happened after that."

"Shit. Are you alright?"

"Yeah, I am now. So did you?"

"Did I what?"

"Did you tell Riley where we were?"

There was another pause. "I maybe, sorta did."

"Look, it's alright, Rick. Everything turned out alright, but could you do me a favor please?"

"You know I'd do anything for you."

"Can you not tell Riley anything about me, please? We're done."

"Done as in completely finished?"

I considered this question for a moment, almost as if assuring myself that this was really what I intended.

"Done as in never together again."

"Ok. So, how did Mike take it?"

I found myself smiling at Mike's antics as we left the restaurant. His playfully slapping my shoulder and dodging me throughout the parking lot as I chased him around like a little kid. God, it felt good.

"He was actually very sweet about it." I couldn't keep the smile out of my voice.

"Sweet? What does that mean."

"I'll tell you in person. Anyway, has Melissa told you?"

"Told me what?" I guess he really was clueless.

"Party. Next week. Mark Matenchuk."

"Sweet. I'm down."

"Great! Hey, question? What did Mike tell you guys when he met up with you?"

I could now hear the smile in Rick's voice.

"He said you spilled pop all over yourself, and ended up catching a cab home."

"That was pretty lame." I couldn't help myself.

"Yeah, that's the same thing we said, but Melissa figured that you'd found someone better to hang with."

"Bitch." I muttered under my breath, hoping he didn't hear me.

"I heard that, Chase. Be nice."

"I am nice."

"Yeah, right. So, anyway what are we up to today? Are we doing anything?"

"Well..." I hesitated a moment. "I was supposed to do something with Mike, but I'm sure he wouldn't mind if you tagged along."

"Nah. I think I'll call Melissa and see what she's up to."

"Sounds fun. Anyway, I think I'd better go down stairs and talk to my parents. I owe them at least that much. I'll talk with you later, k?"

"K, loverboy_._" I heard his smirk as well as saw it in my mind's eye.

"Whatever. Later." I hung up.

I don't often do this, but I'd like to dedicate this chapter of the story to Gardner, a real angel among men. Sigh. School starts on Thursday, and guess what? It's going to be a crazy semester. I was supposed to be done sometime this summer, but alas, it didn't happen. Now, I'm stuck taking two courses and trying to juggle a job...wheeeee. Wish me luck. The point of me saying all that is that if it takes me a while to get a new chapter out, send me an email that will push me to get to it. I'm committed to this story. I want to see it through just as much as any of you.  Anyway, thanks again to the usual miracle workers: Stuart (the amazing Aussie), Gardner (the human angel), and Baruch (the tower of strength). It's because of these guys that the story reads so well (I hope it reads well, anyway). JOIN MY GROUP. Also, take the time to write me, please. It just takes a moment to let me know that you're enjoying the story. Haven00@gmail.com