Desperate Heart Nicholas X Edited by Jeff Loux
This story is 100% true but names have been changed to protect the identity of those involved. I hope you enjoy this story.
It is a drama romance erotica. There may or may not be sex. It's a journal type story. It will be updated maybe two or three times a week depending when I get time off work. I work odd hours so I will keep this updated as much as I can. So sit back and relax and enjoy this story/journal.
It's the way That he makes you feel It's the way That he kisses you It's the way That he makes you fall in love.
I ignored my phone for the third time that day. I knew who it was, and I couldn't bear responding to him. I was too upset to respond to him after what he had said to me the day before. I looked at all the old messages we sent back and forth. There had been a lot of laughs and a lot of anger, but it was all in good fun. I miss him and just don't understand where it all went wrong.
I should probably explain myself a little. My name is Nicholas X (soon to be my real last name). The person I keep referring to is my friend, Ryan Smith. We are both gay, and it felt to me like we were as connected as twins, but I guess I was wrong. We had a lot in common. We talked for hours on end, and enjoyed each other's company. That was until I asked to date him, and he broke my heart. He said, "I don't love you, and I can't ever say that to you." After that I found out he was dating someone else, and I lost my chance.
It's the way That he makes you feel It's the way That he kisses you It's the way That he makes you fall in love.
I knew I should just answer it, but I was too angry and sad to talk, too afraid I would let my emotions get to me. The ringing finally stopped, and I just broke down and cried some more. I knew I shouldn't cry, but it was too hard not to. I closed my eyes hoping to get some sleep. Between work and my sadness, I hadn't slept in days.
I woke up to my brothers asking me what was wrong about a thousand times too many. I had had enough and ended up screaming at them. My parents heard and were upset at me for yelling at my brothers. I knew I couldn't tell the truth because my family doesn't know I'm gay, and I don't plan on telling them anytime soon. I went on the computer to do some art to get my mind off everything that had been going on the past few days.
My parents yelled at me that it was time to eat, and I knew better then to take so long. I went down to the table and ate quietly hoping the meal would go faster and no one would talk to me. My parents seemed like they couldn't care less about me and talked to my brothers throughout dinner. I was gonna say something until I heard the faint noise of...
It's the way That he makes you feel It's the way That he kisses
"Nicky's got a Boyfriend," my little brother mocked. "I DO NOT!" I yelled back. "I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"
I was getting up when my dad shouted for us to both sit back down.
"Listen,Daniel. He's not some fairy little faggot queer so don't ever joke about something like that," my dad said.
"He's right, honey. They are not what god wanted on his green earth," my mom piped in.
I lost my appetite from all the commotion and was going to bed when my dad said he wanted to talk to me. I rolled my eyes and knew this was going to take forever. About a hour later, after the same old speech of "I am the older brother and need to take care of them," I was in my bed ready to lie down. I closed my eyes for a second, and my phone went off again. I decided I was just going to tell him how I felt, but I ended up screaming and crying until I had nothing left.
"Well, I am sorry if you loved me but I just can't say 'I love you' to you," Ryan said.
"Why can't you?" I responded in a haste.
"I just can't. I just can't see us together ever. You're not my type" Ryan said coldly. "I can be a real asshole sometimes, and I don't want you to be part of it.
I didn't speak. I knew I would only start crying. I was about to say something when he interrupted me. "Listen. I only called for one reason," Ryan said. "I want you to stop thinking about us as a couple and everything. I am with someone now, and its horrible you would say you love me and stuff even though I am with someone I love more than ever."
I didn't breathe. I couldn't say a word I was crying so hard. Ryan hung up after that, and I lay on my bed crying for the rest of the night. I knew I couldn't have him back, but he was the only man who knew I was gay and was there for me, and I loved. I couldn't stop crying. I was absolutely crushed. I cried myself to sleep sometime late in the night and knew that I had to get over this soon, or I might never sleep again.
I woke up so late the next day that no one was in the house. I decided to go out for a walk to clear my head I put on my coat and cried a little still feeling the pain in my heart. I walked out the door and looked back knowing,if I didn't come back, no one would miss me. I thought about moving out, moving far away, but it wouldn't matter. I looked forward and started walking.
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