Destiny Disclaimer: I think yall know it by now, for details, see prev chaps
This was a very hard chappie for me to write so please tell me what you think of it when you finish. Thanks, you know where to send it dont you? MrClean290@aol.com
Chapter 14
Nick paced his room. The tour had been going on for about two months and he was getting tired. He walked as he waited for Lance, Brian, and AJ to come back to the room. They needed to talk, actually Nick needed to talk. As he walked, he planned his speech.
" Nick?"
" Hey."
" You wanted to talk to me?"
" Yeah, but we're waiting for Bri and AJ."
" We're here."
" Sit."
" Okay…."
Lance sat on the bed in silence. He knew Nick was about to tell Brian and AJ about the rape, but by the way Nick was acting around him, he sensed that there was more to the story.
" What I'm about to say, Lance already knows, as does Fatima, but she is busy at the moment. So just sit tight until I finish."
Brian and AJ nodded at Nick. Lance looked at his boyfriend and he saw fear in Nick's eyes. He had not seen this fear the last time they talked. He sat still and waited for Nick to speak.
" When we first went on tour, I was young, as you know. And I didn't exactly know about sex and stuff. I knew I loved Lance, but he was miles upon miles away. But what was worse I didn't know about lying, I didn't know about sex, especially sex between guys.
When we first went to Europe, we had a few dancers. One of which was Mike. He would always talk to me and hang out with me when no one else would. Soon I began to feel as if he was my best friend. One day, after one of our shows, we were talking in one of the dressing rooms and he told me that Kevin had told him to initiated me in the world of sex. I believed him because why would I have any reason to suspect that anything about this man or Kevin was bad. He, he told me to blow him, I didn't know how to, nor did I want to. I wanted to wait until I was older. But he said Kevin said to, so I did. This went on for months. He would do it to me mostly, but after about a year he said that he was doing all the work and that I should repay him. Again, I didn't want to. From that point on, he would insist that I blow him, and fuck him. He had the nerve to call it making love, but somehow I knew it wasn't. But still I believed his story about Kevin.
When we started our first tour here in the states, he insisted that he had his way with me. After each show, he would come to my room and he would, he would fuck me, rape me, many times a night. Midway through the tour, I woke up one morning and realized that this was not right. I saw how happy you two were, and I knew that that was love. But I was scared to just come out and tell Mike no, because he had stated that he would out me. So, I kept it quiet. But I didn't want him on the tour anymore. So I convinced Tima to fire him, after doing so she forced me to tell her why she fired him. I did. I had never seen her cry until that moment, and I haven't since then. She said she'd keep it a secret; it was up to me to tell you guys. But I couldn't, I could bring myself to tell you how stupid I had been.
I kept it to myself until the beginning of the tour when I told Lance, he had a right to know why I refused his advances. But that was the only thing I told him. Yes there is more. Tima made me get tested. Then, I was negative. But right after Thanksgiving, Mike came back into my life. He came by the studios to say hi to some old friends. When I first saw him, I didn't recognize him. He came into the booth which I was working and locked the door. He knew full well who I was and that I was alone on that floor. He approached me and I jumped off the stool and backed away. I was so scared. I tried to get to the door but he blocked my way. The tears were rolling down my face. I had this sinking feeling that I knew what was next. He forced me up against the wall. As tall as I am, he was taller and wider. I won't give you details, but he raped me about five times before readjusting his attire and walking out of the building.
I just lay on the floor, bloody and crying. I couldn't move I was in so much pain. I made my way to my car unnoticed by anyone. I drove to a near by hospital and got checked out. No serious damage. My face healed quickly, no one even noticed at our next show. I haven't told anyone that part. But now I needed to tell you both the first part, and all of you that part. I'm getting tested this afternoon, and I thought that you should know, especially when the results come back next week, I'll need a support system."
Lance had slipped to the floor; he didn't have the tears and his face showed no emotion. Brian was leaned up against AJ and was crying, no balling heavily into AJ's chest. Nick sat down on a near by chair and watched his friends react to his news.
" Why didn't you tell me? I was your best friend."
" No, you weren't. We always told the media you were, but in actuality, I did not have a best friend. Bri, you were always so wrapped up in AJ and the other two, well it was different with them. There was such an age gap with Howie I didn't feel comfortable, and with Kevin, I felt so ashamed that I had let Mike used Kevin against me, I had Tima, and for that I will always consider her my truest friend."
" I am so sorry for not being there."
" Don't be, you had do idea, and I was not about to tear apart your life with AJ and the groups lives."
" You should have!"
" I know that now, but then I couldn't bring myself to risk our careers."
" But-."
" No buts Bri, its over, that part of my life is over."
" What about the test?"
" I'm so scared. What happens if I'm positive?"
" We'll still love you, you'll still be a Backstreet Boy, you'll still be Nick Carter."
" True, but I can't do that to the group, nor can I do that to Lance."
" What?" Lance spoke for the first time since Nick confessed.
" If I'm positive, I don't know if I will have the strength to stay with you."
" Don't think like that, you won't be positive, we will always be together."
" Look, I have to go. I will see you tonight." Nick walked out of the door, without looking back.
Lance, Brianm and AJ all looked at each other and wondered the same thing.
` What would happen if Nick was in fact HIV Positive?'
Nick walked into the doctor's office and waited to hear his name. When he did, he walked to tiny room in the back.
" Hello Mr. Carter, we will drawing some blood and should have the results in about a week."
" Will I be able to call in to get the results? I will be touring."
" Yes, the front desk nurse will give you information about that."
" Thank you."
Nick sat patiently as the doctor got the needle ready. Nick bit his lip as the needle was inserted and drew the blood. When the vile was full he thanked the doctor and checked at the front desk about getting results over the phone. She gave him the details; then Nick left. He tried to hold his head up high, but it kept dropping.
The next week was hell for him. He did what was required of him, but he didn't talk much, and he rarely smiled. Lance tried his best to make him laugh, but Nick just kept thinking about what would happened when he would have to leave Lance.
Exactly a week after he took the test was the hardest day for him. He tried to concentrate on what Tima was teaching them, but his mind was on his phone, and whether or not it would ring. At 2:37pm it rang.
" I still remember the night we met
You said you loved my smile
But your love for me was like a summer breeze
Oh, it lasted for a while
I could hold on a little tighter I know
But when you love someone you gotta let 'em go so."
" Mr. Carter?"
" Yes?"
" We have your results."
Nick walked away from the group to talk to the nurse.
" I'm gonna smile, cause I want to make you happy
Laugh, so you can't see me cry
I'm gonna let you go in style
And even if it kills me
I'm gonna smile."
" Yes?" Nick smiled at the group to calm their fears, as well as his.
" Kiss me once for the good times, baby
Kiss me twice for goodbye
You can't help how you don't feel
And it doesn't matter why
Give me a chance to bow out gracefully
'Cause that's how I want you to remember me
I'm gonna smile, cause I want to make you happy
Laugh, so you can't see me cry
I'm gonna let you go in style
And even if it kills me
I'm gonna smile."
" I'm sorry to inform you of this Mr. Carter…"
Nick held the phone to his ear as the nurse rambled of that he should see his doctor as soon as possible. Nick had tuned out as soon as she said that she was sorry. His smile faded. He knew what he had to do.
"I'm gonna smile so you can find the courage
Laugh, so you won't see me hurtin'
I'm gonna let you go in style
And even if it kills me
I'm gonna smile."
(" Smile." By Lonestar.)
I hope you all are not crying, but if you are tell me. Thanks. ~ Elisheva MrClean290@aol.com