Destiny
Disclaimer: i dont know them, or who they chose to love. if you should be reading this, dont, but if u should please do! about songs and such see first chapter feedback to me, Elisheva, at MrClean290@aol.com
I would just like to thank all of yall who have written to me about the story, and if the rest of yall get a chance please let me know about how its comin along! The confusion does go away, lol, eventually! but now you all will get some backround relationship info on the of the people! so read and enjoy!
Chapter 5 1993
" Boys, this is my cousin Brian."
" Hey y'all!"
The boys looked over the new boy, the one that finally made the Backstreet Boys whole. Nick bounced right over to him, eager to have a new fiend. AJ sauntered over. He eyed the new boy. He liked him. He was cute and funny. But instead of saying hi, he stood in the shadows and watched him. He never thought that a boy like that could ever like him, in that way. Howie thought he was cool, and a good addition to the group.
Howie didn't pay to much attention to him. That of the new boy's cousin already took his attention. Kevin was a year older than he was. The very sight, sound, or mention of Kevin brought a smile to Howie's lips. Kevin turned back the group and saw Howie grinning. He smiled back. Howie looked to the ground. He couldn't let Kevin suspect that he had feelings for the older man. Kevin frowned when he saw Howie turn away.
Kevin, from the first moment he met AJ, Howie, and Nick, was intrigued by the oldest of the three. His family already knew he was gay but he had yet to tell the others, for fear that, they would kick him out of the group. If he only knew.
Brian on the other hand was openly gay to his family and his friends. And since these boys would now be his friends and family he though they ought to know as well. He was a little nervous about them hating him, but he got the feeling that they would be ok with it.
" Um, guys?"
" Yeah." They replied.
" I have an announcement. I know we all just met but this is something that all of my friends and family know about me already, since you will all soon fit into that category I though you all should
know as well. But as for the media, since they will probably play into our lives a lot, I don't think that this info should get out to them. At least not at this stage in our careers."
" Enough stalling, what is it?" Nick whined. Already he acted as if the two were best friends.
" I'm gay." Everyone in the room stood still for a second then every single one started to laugh.
" What? It really isn't that funny, is it?" Brian asked confused and hurt.
" NO! It's not, it's just that, well, I am too." Howie spoke up.
" As am I." Kevin told the room."
" Me too."
" You too little Nick? How could you know if you're gay?"
" Don't treat me like a child! I even have a boyfriend. His name is Lance. And I love him."
" Love him? Well good for you."
" Thanks."
" Anyone else?" Brian asked the room. He was actually waiting on AJ's answer. Even though he had just met him already, he could feel sparks between him and AJ.
" Ya, AJ, you gay?"
" No. I'm not."
" Oh." Brian said, he looked away. He wanted to hide his disappointment.
" But I am bi."
" Oh?" Brian perked up at this.
" Yeah." AJ smiled and Brian, and Brian smiled back. The room laughed.
" Well I guess we don't have to worry about getting any girls pregnant do we huh?"
" Well, that is if we keep AJ away from the ladies," Howie said.
" Wha-? No, I am bi but I prefer men." He looked directly at Brian this time.
" No fair."
" What isn't Nicky?"
" When we do all the album work and everything, everybody will have a boyfriend with them, everyone but me."
" What do you mean?" Brian asked nervously.
" Oh please! I may be only 13 but I know when people like other people. For example, AJ and Brian and Howie and Kev. Now get up off your lazy asses and do something about it!" Nick yelled at the older boys. He ran off to his room to call Lance. He dialed the number but the machine picked up.
He left a simple message.
" Uh, hi, Lance. It's me, Nick. I'm in New York. The place is HUGE! I miss you. Call me. I'm at this number this week. 914-555-2345. Bye!" Nick hung up, laid down, and took a nap.
AJ, Brian, Howie, and Kevin all stood in the meeting room, shocked at what Nick had just said.
" He's right you know." AJ said quietly.
" He's right about what?" Brian asked him.
" About us. About all of us."
" He is?"
" Yes Brian, he is, I like you will go out with me? I know I'm younger and all and not experienced but I really like you and I just thought that-"
" AJ?"
" Yes?"
" I'd love to."
Brian and AJ left the room to talk. That left the two elders of the group, but at 21 and 22
respectively were they by no means old. They looked at each other and smiled.
" I guess that leaves us huh?" Howie asked sweetly.
" Ya, I guess so."
Howie took Kevin's hand in his and drew it up to his lips. He kissed it softly. He looked into
Kevin's eyes for some sort of response. Kevin smiled at him and kissed his cheek. They walked, hand in hand out of the meeting room and up to their room.
AJ sat back and remembered how he and Brian first got together. He hoped that this time they could make it work. At the beginning of their relationship, it was all lovey-dovey. However, when the group gained more and more popularity, AJ began to change his look. Although Brian still found him as sexy and as handsome as ever, the way he interacted with him had changed. AJ started to pay more and more attention to female fans and less and less to Brian. Tears came to AJ's face as he remembered the night that he broke Brian's heart.
1998
" Alex?"
" What do you want Rok?"
" Are we going out tonight?"
" Tonight? No, why would we?"
Brian looked away from AJ. That night was their 5-year anniversary. Brian loved AJ with all his heart, and he used to think that AJ felt the same. Now, it was clear to Brian that their relationship was over. Brian walked over to AJ with tears in his eyes.
" Alex?"
" WHAT?" Brian looked down at the ring on his finger. He cried at the sight of it. ~~ Flash back to 1994 ~~
" Brian?" AJ whispered into the dark room.
" What's wrong Alex?"
" Nothing, I just was wondering if I could sleep in here tonight. I, well, it's silly since I'm a teen, but I had a dream that were gonna leave me. Could you just hold me tonight?"
" Of course baby. Come here."
AJ walked to the bed and curled up in Brian's arms. They fell asleep with the moonlight shining upon their faces. The next morning Brian woke up and went to hug AJ, but he was not next to him. He started to panic. Soon the door opened and AJ walked back in the room. In one hand he held a red rose and in the other and box.
" What are those for?" Brian asked curiously.
" They are to thank you, and to tell you that, that, well, I love you Brian." He held out the rose and the
box to Brian. Brian took both and looked back at AJ. He had tears in his eyes.
" Open it." Brian opened the box to find a thick silver band. He picked in up and looked at it. He saw that it was engraved in tiny letters and read it aloud.
" To Brian, you hold my heart, always and 4ever. Love Alex."
" Oh Alex."
AJ took the ring form Brian and placed it on his hand. On the same finger that a wedding band would be put. On the same finger, that AJ hoped to someday put a wedding band on.
" Alex, it's beautiful. I love you too. Forever and always."
The two boys looked at each other for a second before Brian took AJ in his arms and they fell back asleep. They were one now, and nothing would ever change that. ~~ 1998 ~~
" Alex?"
" Brian, just spit it out already."
Brian took the ring off his finger. He took AJ's hand and before AJ could take it away, Brian open up AJ's fist and placed the ring in AJ's palm. He then closed AJ's fingers around it.
" Good-bye AJ." That was all Brian said before walking out of the room. AJ looked down and saw the ring. His tears fell freely now.
" Tonight, oh shit!"
He turned fast, but not fast enough. Brian was gone. So was their love. He loved Brian. He did, he just didn't want his fans to suspect that he had a boyfriend. His passion was being on stage and if he couldn't have it anymore, he would die. Now he realized that being without Brian could kill him.
AJ couldn't control his sobbing now; he didn't even care if he woke up the whole bus. He had to relive this time in his life so that he would never make the same mistake again. He and Brian were apart for a year and in that year; they both grew as people.
One day, in September on '99 AJ decided that it was time that they got back together. But to his surprise, Brian had other plans. ~~ Labor Day Weekend 1999 ~~
The boys were getting ready for their new US tour, and everyone's lives were hectic. AJ, though he had a million things to do, could only think of one thing, or actually one person, Brian. Ever since they broke up the two had acted like just good friends when they needed to. Like when they were on TV or in the studio, but that was it for their relationship. Brian found it too painful to be around AJ, and AJ just didn't know what to when he was around Brian.
AJ knew that he had to get Brian back, and he knew that the only way that Brian would know that he was serious was if he put Brian in front of his singing, and that's exactly what he planned on doing. He told no one. The boys had an MTV appearance that weekend. The appearance was to kick off the new tour and to say hi to the fans. He was going to tell the world that he was he was in love with someone and that that someone was a man. He knew that Brian would never admit to being gay, but maybe he would take
him back. AJ knew that he hurt him. And he had to get him back.
Brian sat around with Nick prepping for the interview. It had been close to a year since he and AJ had broken up, but all he could think of was loving him. He wanted to tell the world, but it wasn't his place.
" Nick, I miss him. I miss him so much that sometimes I feel like I'm dying inside, but I'm not the one that broke us up, not technically."
" I know Bri, and I wish I could help you, but, I don't know anything about love, apparently, I don't even think I know what it is."
" What are you talking about. What happened to that oh so famous boyfriend of yours."
" He's a big star now, and besides that we haven't talked in years."
" What happened?"
" This, my career. I put it before my heart. Don't ever do that Bri, just know that if someone puts their love in front their career, then they are serious about love."
" I don't think AJ would ever do that, this, singing means too much to him."
" Don't be too sure Bri, I mean I don't mean to imply that I know anything about you two, but I see the pain in his eyes each time he looks at you, don't give up so soon."
" Give up? It's been a year Frack, what the hell am supposed to do? Wait till he comes to his senses? I wont do that, I wont waste away waiting for him. I can find love again, I just have to look."
Nick looked at Brian. Although he and Lance had not talked in years, he never stopped loving him; he could only wish that Lance did the same. As he listened to Brian go on and on about leaving the past behind, he knew deep down that if he did decide to leave AJ to just memories it would
kill him inside.
The next day all the boys arrived at the MTV studios waiting for Carson to announces their presence. Howie and Kev were cuddled up the couch talking. Nick was talking with AJ and Brian; well
Brian was not there. The boys had no idea where he was and just hoped that he would show up eventually.
AJ was nervous. This was it; he was going to tell the world that he was bisexual. He was scared; scared of rejection form the world, his fans but more over rejection from Brian. Just then Brian
ran into the room holding onto another mans hand.
" Hey guys, this is Jack, Jack meet the Backstreet Boys."
The boys took one look at him and gasped. They turned to AJ but he had already left the room. Nick didn't know what to do. AJ had come to him late last night telling Nick what he planned to do the next morning. Nick found it a very romantic thing to do. But now as he watched Brian and Jack kiss on the sofa, he was torn. He was about to run to AJ to tell him but it was too late. He was
on stage already ready to tell the world.
The boys, not knowing this gathered at the side of the stage. Even Brian and Jack came to watch. But they watched only
between groping an kissing each other. AJ did not see this. He turned to Carson ready to make his announcement. Nick could only watch and hope that fate would step in and stop this before someone got hurt.
" Hey Carson, the reason I'm out here without the others is because I have announcement to make. I am risking my career to tell you all this, but I hope that all my fans respect me enough as a musician to continue to support the other guys, and me. What I have to say may shock some, but please don't hate me. And if you must, please don't hate the other fellas, they are good guys and the rely on your support." He looked around the room, swallowed and continued.
" I am in love. With the most amazing person. He cares about everything and everyone around him. We broke up last year, because I was selfish and put my career in front of my heart, in front of our love. In this year, I have found enough strength to tell you all that I am bisexual and this
man that I love that he means the world to me. Thank you all for listening."
He stayed on stage to look into the crowd once more before heading off stage. This time his eyes fell upon Brian, he smiled but soon that smile faded. He saw that Brian was kissing another man. He ran off the stage in tears. He had just ruined his career all for a man who no longer loved him. AJ ran to the dressing room and collapsed onto the couch. He couldn't go on with out Brian. AJ was crying so hard that he didn't notice that Nick had come to check on him.
" AJ? Man, are you going to be alright? Stupid question huh? I know that you are dying inside. I wish I could do something to help. Look, Brian may be my best friend, but what he did today was wrong. We talked last night, and he still loves you. He just didn't want to wait forever. Bone? Well look, we're going on now, and you should come back. AJ come! Now!"
" Why?"
" You'll see." AJ looked up at Nick and sneered,
" Fuck off Nick." Nick walked to AJ, grabbed his arms, and dragged him upwards.
" What the fuck Nick?"
" We're going, NOW!"
" Okay. Just let go, damn boy when did you get strong?" Nick loosened his grip on AJ and walked out to the stage. The closer they got the louder it got.
" Nick? What's up with the noise?" When they reached the stage doors AJ realized that the noise was in fact applause.
" Why are they clapping?"
" They are clapping for you. Those you your fans AJ, bi or not, they love you." AJ looked at Nick and smiled.
" Thank you."
" What for?"
" For being a friend."
" No problem man, now let's go."
They walked onto the stage. AJ looked out into the crowd and saw that every single person was standing and clapping. Carson was in the audience with the microphone.
" AJ, if you don't mind, some of the fans have some things they would like to say to you." AJ nodded and looked at the girl that was next to Carson.
" I came here today for the hell of it but what I got out of it was hope. I never knew, or even thought that some of my favorite celebrities would be gay/ bisexual whatever, but now I see that even the big shots such as you are normal, and having feeling just as the rest of us. It also gave me the strength to
know that if you cold come out, on national TV and risk so much, that maybe I could come out as well.
Although no watching knows me, its something that I don't think I could admit to myself until today. I'm gay. And proud of it. Thank you AJ for giving me the strength to say that, to the world, to my family, to myself." The girl sat back down, tears running down her face. AJ ran into the crowd and hugged her.
" Thank you."
" For what."
" For giving me strength, for showing me that I didn't make a mistake." She smiled at him as he walked back to the stage.
" Hi AJ, my name is Amy. I would just like to say that I think it was very brave of you to do that. And I respect you even more now than I did 10 minutes ago."
" Thank you." Carson passed along the microphone and all the sentiments were similar and appreciated.
AJ sat back down with the others for the interview that was scheduled. All the guys were laughing and smiling along with AJ, all but Brian. He had moved his chair farther away from the group. He was so far off from the others he was off the stage. He looked back at Jack and he could feel the tears. He rushed off the stage. He didn't even think anyone would notice. But he was wrong. Every had noticed when he ran off. Nick covered for him, saying that he woke up sick and that he just didn't have the strength to do the interview.
The other boys went on to tell everyone that they were excited for the upcoming tour, yada yada yada. They also announced that this tour would include other big acts, such as NSYNC, 98* Jessica Simpson, Mandy Moore, Christina Aguilera, Aaron Carter, The Moffatts, and Britney Spears.
Nick jumped at the sound of the name NSYNC. He didn't know that they would be a part of the tour. Why had no one told him of this? He would be on tour with Lance. The two bands were friends. Though, only the Backstreet side knew about Lance and Nick's relationship. Lance never told the other guys. He never saw the need to. Nick and Lance never discussed the past. They both assumed that the other had forgotten about their past love. Nick now smiled, he thought that this was his chance to get back together with Lance.
They finished the interview and went backstage to find Brian. Nick ran into Jack right in front of the room. AJ saw him and almost killed him. Howie and Kev had to hold him back.
" Uh, Jack what's going on?"
" I'm leaving, this is bullshit!" With that, he left.
Nick smiled and walked into the room to find Brian sitting in the bathroom curled up the cold tiled floor.
" Bri? Brian? Come on man let's get you home."
" He did it Nicky, he did what you said he would, why didn't I listen?"
" I don't know. But how about we think about it back at the hotel."
" Ok." Brian said this softly.
He knew that he screwed up and he just wanted to leave before anything
else went wrong. He and Nick walked out to the limo, got in, and rode to hotel in silence. Brian could feel AJ's eyes on him the entire way back to the hotel. There was nothing he could do to ease AJ's pain. He loved him so much, but this time he was the one doing the hurting.
Nick walked Brian back to his room and helped him get into bed. Brian seemed to be part paralyzed. He wasn't responding to anyone, or anything.
" Nicky?"
" Yeah?"
" Tell him, tell him that I am sorry and that I love him."
" You can tell him tomorrow."
" I won't be here tomorrow."
" And why not?"
" Just tell him Nick, tell him good bye for me." Brian closed his eyes and Nick panicked. He called Kevin and told him to get to Brian's room ASAP.
" Oh, thank g-d Kev, I think he wants to kill himself. I don't know what to do."
" He wouldn't do that."
" Then explain why he wants me to tell AJ that he loves him, and that's he's sorry and that he says good-bye."
" Brian told me, that if things ever got to bad between him and AJ that would leave the group. I guess he thinks that things will never get better."
" NO! We can't let this happen, I cant let this happen, get Howie, and AJ NOW!" Kevin rushed out of the room to get the others. Nick sat on the edge of Brian's bed and started to cry.
" Oh Brian, you cant leave me. Who will be my Frick? This means too much to you to throw away, you and AJ can make this work, wake up Brian. Fuck! Brian!"
" What? Damn boy you scream like a girl."
" Brian, don't leave the group."
" Why would I do that?"
" Because Kev said, that if things with you and AJ got too bad that, that you would leave."
" Oh."
" Please, talk to AJ, you two love each other. He put his heart in front of his career for you, the least you could do for him is talk to him."
" I know, but I hurt him, more than he ever hurt me."
" No, not more, maybe equally, but not more." Both Nick and Brian turned their heads and saw AJ standing at the doorway.
" I'll leave you two now. Call me if you need anything."
" Brian, what I did today, I did for you. I thought that you would take me back if I finally put you first.
I saw you with him and I just about died today. And when you ran off, I didn't know what to think.
I love you Brian. And I want you back, I want this to work, but I don't know if I will ever get the image of you with another man out of my head, especially since I saw it after I told everyone.
So, as much as I love you Brian Thomas Littrell, I know that we are not ready to get back together. But don't you dare think of leaving the group. Because if you leave I leave, then there is no more Backstreet Boys, just give us time, and someday, maybe, if we are both ready, then we will be together." AJ got up, kissed Brian on the forehead, and walked out.
" I love you Alex." Brian whispered to the empty room.
AJ went to kitchen to get a beer. He needed to relax. He looked at the beer and put it back. He didn't want to get drunk. It never solved things. He grabbed a bottle of water, went back to the couch, and closed his eyes. The images of Thanksgiving came flooding back to him.
The boys were in Lexington for Thanksgiving. The boys were staying at Brian and Kevin's houses. AJ was not though. He had decided to stay in a hotel and he and his mother would have a quiet dinner alone in the room. He just didn't want to be in any kind of intimate setting with Brian.
Over the last two months, his love for Brian grew stronger and he knew that Brian's love for him grew as well. But neither of them took any steps to getting back together. The night of Thanksgiving Denise told AJ that she would be having dinner at the Littrell's with the others.
" Mom! How could you? You know that I don't want to face him, not there, please mom, don't leave."
" I'm sorry AJ but I can't not go because you are having relationship problems. Besides which I promised Jackie I would help. I'm sorry sweetie, I know it hurts, but please give it time. I'm leaving now, come if you feel up to it, other wise I will see you later."
AJ watched as his mom walked away from him. For the first time, he felt genuinely alone. He ordered room service and crawled into bed. As he waited for his food, he closed his eyes, wanting to escape his thoughts. But the first image that popped into his head was that of Brian. He opened them again and turned on the TV. We flipped to MTV and they had some special on.
" Hey Everyone. I'm Carson Daly and I have four special guests here, well no here, but they are on satellite from Lexington, yes you're right, it's the Backstreet Boys. Hey guys, where's AJ?"
" Well since this message is for him we are thankful that he is probably in bed watching this now." Nick smiled into the camera.
" We are here to celebrate Thanksgiving together, but we are missing someone. And maybe after this, he will come and be with us." Nick walked back and each of the boys held a microphone. Brian took a step forward and began to sing.
" There's a face here in the mirror
One I hardly recognize
The fire's burning low
Behind these tired eyes
Do you believe that love can heal a broken dream?
And faith can move a mountain till it melts into the sea
There's just one thing I want just one thing I need
You to stand beside me
And the power to believe
Time moves in the shadows
A clock with missing hands
And your silence is more to me
Than words ever can
Is there a heaven waiting on the other side
Or do we find heaven just by looking here inside
There's just one thing I want, just one thing I need
You to stand beside me
And the power to believe
Do you believe that love can heal a broken dream?
And faith can move a mountain till it melts into the sea
There's just one thing I want, just one thing I need
You to stand beside me
And the power to believe
The power to believe." (" Power to Believe" sung by Wally Kurth on the General Hospital soundtrack.")
Brian looked into the camera.
" AJ, you hold my heart, forever and always."
AJ watched the screen and cried. He gathered up his things and rushed outside. He left a
hundred dollars at the front desk for his unpaid food and raced over to Brian's house. He didn't even bother knocking when he got there. He just ran right in looking for Brian.
" Brian? Brian?" He ran out back hoping to find him there but he didn't see anyone.
" AJ?" AJ turned to find Jackie standing there, tears in her eyes.
" Jackie, where is Brian?"
"He is downstairs, that's where they set up the satellite. Go to him."
AJ raced down the steps, almost tripping and flipping. He slid down the last few and right into Nick.
" Whoa AJ, slow down."
" I can't, where is he?"
" Alex?" AJ spun around and started to cry.
" Oh g-d Brian, I love you so much." Brian crossed to him and took AJ in his arms.
" I know baby, I know, I love you too."
They stood there and held each other for what seemed like an eternity. The others didn't want to break up this reunion but they were getting hungry. Nick decided to speak up.
" Uh, guys, we are very happy for you, but we are STARVED!" AJ and Brian stepped back from each other and laughed. They walked to dinner hand in hand.
" Brian, I want to give this back to you." AJ took out the ring that he had given Brian years earlier. The same one that Brian had given back a year earlier. This brought even more tears from Brian, but he let AJ put the ring back on his hand.
" Always and forever." AJ whispered to Brian.
" Forever and always," Brian whispered back.
" COME ON, we haven't got all day!" Nick whined. Everything was finally back to how it was meant to be.
AJ had stopped his crying and was now close to sleeping. He got up and walked to his bunk.
He stopped at Brian's and watched him sleep for a few moments. He bent over and kissed him on the cheek. AJ crawled into bed and was asleep before his head hit the pillow.
1994
Kevin and Howie had taken their relationship very seriously, too seriously sometimes.
Kevin wanted to be the strong one, the " man," of the relationship. Howie wanted them to be equals. They fought constantly. But they would always make up. But they were not at the stage of their relationship where they could openly tell each other that they loved each other. That moment would not happen for a few years.
1995
Kevin sat in his hotel room staring off into space. Today was the 4-year anniversary of his father's death, and this year, over others, he felt alone. He and Howie had had another fight last week and were not speaking. He kept pushing Howie away. And he didn't understand why.
He wanted him, he wanted to love him, but he was afraid that he would go and leave him like his father had, like his brothers did. His brothers and mother disapproved of his homosexuality when he first came out to them, but gradually they understood that Kevin was the same person. He just loved men as opposed to women. And the man he did love, he was pushing away.
He walked to the balcony and cried for his father. When he came out to him, he was supportive and loving. Too bad he wasn't around when he told his family. He sat outside and thought
of Howie. From the first time he and Howie made love they knew that they loved each other. But for some reason, Kevin was too scared to tell him. And Howie never offered up the cherished words because he sensed that Kevin was not ready. But Howie did love Kevin, with all his heart, and he ached not to tell him.
Kevin walked back inside when he heard a knock. He walked to the door and there stood Howie. A gallon of chocolate ice cream in one hand, a box of tissues, a rose, and a video in the other.
" Hey babe. I thought that you could use some cheering up today. We could spend the day together."
" That would be great, thank you Howard."
" You're welcome sweetie."
The two men watched the movie, `Steel Magnolias', ate, and cried. When it was over Howie turned to Kevin.
" Kev, we have been together for almost a year, and I feel that I am ready to say this to you. I love
you Boo." Kevin looked at Howie and started to cry.
" Pumpkin, what is it?"
" I'm sorry Howard, but I can't love you. I can't ever love you." He turned away from Howie and cried. Howie sat there stunned. He got up and walked to the door.
" Kevin. I don't know why you are pushing me away. But after I walk out this door, we are through. I will always love you, I just hope one day you will see that." Howie walked out of the room and out of Kevin's life.
1998
For the next four years the men were civil to each other and even started to re build their friendship. But that's all there was, friendship. If either felt anything else then they kept in hush hush. Both men dated other people but they never committed because their hearts belonged to each other.
Brian and AJ were throwing a party one night, at Brian's house, just for the boys and their families. Everyone had shown up except for the Dorough clan. AJ was about to call Howie when the phone rang.
" Hello?"
" AJ?"
" Yes?"
" This is Polyanna Dorough, Howie's sister."
" Oh! Hey! Where are all of you?"
" I'm sorry AJ but we will be unable to attend the party tonight."
" Why?"
" Caroline passed away a few hours ago."
" Jesus, I am so sorry, how is Howie?"
" He was very close to Carrie, he in his room crying. The reason for my call was not just to tell you this, but to ask if Kevin could come over. I know that the two have not been together in years but if Howie ever needed the love of the man he loves its now. Please ask him to come."
" I will, thank you for telling Poly, send my condolences."
" Thank you AJ, Howie has a good friend in you."
" As do I in him. Take care."
AJ hung up and was in shock. The last person who died that was close to him was Ashley, but she died years ago. He walked outside to the guys to tell them the news. He saw Kevin first and decided to tell him first so that he could go to Howie.
" Hey Kev, man could I speak with you?"
" Sure Bone, what's up?"
" Go to Howie."
" Huh? Why?"
" He needs you, now more than ever."
" Why?"
" Look I know that the two of you gave up on each other four years ago but you love him, tell him! And he loves you, and he will love you even more if you go to him now."
" Why is so important to you?"
" His sister just called me, Polyanna, Caroline died today. He needs you Kev."
" What?" Kevin whispered. He knew that Caroline had been sick, but he never thought that she'd die. Kevin ran to his car and sped off. AJ told the other guys and they all cried for Howie.
Kevin got to the Dorough house and raced inside. He ran up to Howie's room and barged in.
" Who ever you are, get the fuck out of here."
" No, I wont leave the man I love when he is in so much pain." Howie turned to look at Kevin.
" Love?"
" Love. I was afraid to say it then, because almost all the people that I truly loved left me, and that day, the memory of my father was ever so strong. I love you Howard, let me help you with your pain."
" I love you too, I never stopped loving you."
He ran into Kevin's arms and the two men hugged for a long time. They hugged for their lost love. But then Howie started to cry again, for his sister and his body went weak. Kevin caught
him and carried Howie to his bed. As Howie lay crying and shaking Kevin laid with him, his arms wrapped tightly around Howie's body.
" I will always love you." Kevin told Howie before Howie fell asleep.
1999
Howie and Kevin slept in each other's arms in their bunk. They were happy. And nothing could ever pull them apart.
The BSB bus had stopped for the night, at a hotel in New Jersey. Jas had fallen asleep in one of the extra bunks. But yelling coming from near by awakened her.
" Damn it JC, what do you want from me?"
" I want love, safety, security, I want to know that I'm the only one that you love." Joey looked at JC with disgust.
" If you even need to ask that than I cant even answer it."
Joey walked away from JC and into the hotel. JC walked towards the hotel. He wanted Joey back. He couldn't help it; he loved the red haired maniac. He watched as Joey stormed into the hotel. He yearned to be in his arms again.
1997
" …God must have sent a little more time one you.." JC finished up recording and walked out to the others.
" Hey Curly whatcha up to?"
" Nothing."
" Okay."
JC walked to the other sound booth where Joey and Lance were laying down their vocals. JC watched Joey carefully. In the short time that they had known each other, JC had developed a major crush on his friend Joey. Joey saw him through the glass and smiled. What JC didn't know was that Joey had a crush on him as well. JC walked in to see how things were going.
" Hey guys, how's it going?"
" Great!" Lance answered.
Joey crossed the room and turned on the radio. It was a Backstreet Boys song, ` As Long As You Love Me.' Lance turned an awful shade of white. As he listened to Nick sing his verse, Lance became choked up, and he ran from the room.
" Scoop? You ok?" JC called after his friend. He got no answer. He turned back to Joey.
" Can I ask you something?"
" Sure man, what's up?"
" I like you, a lot."
" Well, that's not a question, but I like you too man."
" No I mean I like you."
" Oh. In that case, I like you too."
" Really?"
" Yes really."
" Would you want to go out some time?"
" I would love that."
At the beginning of their relationship everything was this simple, but as time wore on, and their album rose up the charts, they found it harder and harder to concentrate on just the two of them.
Joey walked to his room and went to shower, he knew why JC was mad. But he couldn't help it. Jas was beautiful. But she certainly wasn't who he want to spend his life with. That man was down stairs, angry.
1998
` I Want You Back' was a hit but it was also a song that JC had been playing a lot. He and Joey had broken up. JC was quiet and reserved; Joey was wild and a flirt. But Joey loved JC; he just didn't want to give up who he was to be with him. Why had they broken up this time? Joey kissed a
female fan, a real kiss and JC saw. He was furious. He didn't even let Joey explain. He just told him
to pack his bags and get out of their room.
Joey packed in silence and went to room with Lance. He didn't even try to talk things out with JC, he just knew that eventually; they would get back together. They always did. And the next day, JC had cooled down and asked Joey to come back. It was simple but it was not easy. JC wanted security, safety, and a promise of love. Joey wanted to have fun, but with someone to come home to every night.
Over the next 7 months or so JC and Joey fought, broke up, and got back together over 100 times. But early in 1999 JC just couldn't do it anymore.
" Joey, we need to talk. Or I need to talk. This isn't working anymore. And I mean it this time. I cant take this anymore. One day you're off fucking some random guy or girl and the next you make love to me. You ignore me one day then pay attention the next week. I cant live my life this way. I'm sorry Joe, but until you can get your act together we should be apart." JC walked out of the room and went home, Joey called many time that night but JC, from then on saw him as an associate, not even a friend.
Joey paced his room. How was he going to get him back. He had been talking to Justin about how good-looking Jas was and suddenly JC was yelling at him. He never meant to imply that he liked Jas like that, he was just commenting. JC had told him that they would never get back together.
" JC, why are you being like this, we are not even together."
" But don't you still love me, or do you have no respect for the relationship we had?"
" Of course I love you, and I cherish what we had, but it's what we had, not have, now that was not up to me but I accepted it. An if I want to comment on a hot girl I have to right!" JC ran from the bus and Joey followed him, knowing that a fight was coming.
JC knew he was being foolish, but he loved this man so much. He only hoped that this time together on the tour would bring the two lovers back together.
Jas walked into her room. She and BJ were sharing a room. Nick was hoping that maybe BJ could trigger Jas's memory. And even if not, at least they could try to regain their friendship.
Lance and Nick fell asleep in each other's arms. Lance was happy that Nick had taken in his sister. Now maybe they would all get some answers.
AJ and Brian slept peacefully in their room. AJ was dreaming about Brian and Brian about AJ
Howie and Kevin, though tired, were making love. When they finally fell asleep they were intertwined and holding each other tightly.
Justin fell asleep thinking of BJ. He hoped that this tour would bring them closer
Chris fell asleep thinking about his girlfriend, Tessa, who would be on the tour next week.
Joey fell asleep crying to himself. He loved JC, but he had no idea how to make their relationship work.
JC fell asleep thinking about how he was going to make Joey his, forever.
Nick feel asleep happy to be in Lance's arms, and happy that Jas was on tour with them.
BJ fell asleep hoping that in the days to come, that her beast friend would return to her and that she and Justin would spend more time together.
Jas fell asleep confused and scared. If she had a dream tonight, who would she go to?
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