Destiny Disclaimer: i dont know them, or who they chose to love. if you shouldnt be reading this, dont, but if u should please do! about songs and such see first chapter feedback to me, Elisheva, at MrClean290@aol.com
More confusion is coming, but please keep reading it does get better!
Chapter 6
` Jim, come now, she's leaving now...
JD, take Mr. Snuffles, Best friends forever...
Bye, it was nice knowing you...
Jamie? Promise me...
Daddy? Why don't you love me? Because you cause trouble, and we don't need that in our home...
Jasmine, sit, eat, don't eat, sleep, sit, read, sleep...
Welcome Jasmine, welcome home...
Desty, even when other people laugh at you, I'll always be there for you...
Lance, I'll kiss you if you call you sister fat...
BJ, please help...
Don't say you love me, you betrayed me...
Please, I made a mistake...
When I hang up, I will forget everything about my past, including you,
don't try to talk to me again, you no longer exist, I will always hate you.'
Jas woke up crying and drenched in sweat. She looked around the room and was scared. She had no idea where she was. She got out of bed and walked to the door. She remembered where she was and why. She sank to the floor and cried. She needed her brother. At this point, she didn't care which one.
She ran into the hallway trying to remember which door was Nick's. But she couldn't. She was so scared. She closed her eyes and fell to the floor. Her cries got louder and her breaths fewer. She felt her heart racing. As she slipped back into a dream like state, she cried out for Lance.
" JAMIE! I need you." Her head hit the floor and everything went black. She wished that her dream would be blackened as well but more memories came flooding her brain, and this time there was not waking up to escape, she had hit her head, it was impossible to wake up.
` Hello Jasmine, I am you tutor, what have you been learning about in school...
Hello Jasmine, I'm Dr. Mather, lets see how much weight you have lost this week...
Hello Jas, may I call you that? My name is Dani, and I think you're pretty...
Dani, I love you, but they are sending me away, what will I do with out you...
This is your new home, your parents, your brother, your sister...
My g-d Tay, I would never go out with Daniel Mann, no way, he's not my type. Now if Nick Carter would ask me to
prom, I would so say yes...
Mommy, can I have a cookie...
Lance, I'm gonna call you Jamie...
Because your nickname is Lance, but I wanna call you something different...
Your name is James, so Jamie it is...
' A dark cold cellar, that's where mom and dad sent me'...
Hiya, my name is BJ wanna be friends...
Desty, can I tell you something, I'm gay. You are the only one to know this...
Do you like Nick...
I love Nick...
Jim, I don't want her to go to school with the normal kids, don't they have school for children like her...
You are leaving so you wont ruin your brother's future...
I love you mommy...
Oh sweetie, my Jasmine Destiny, you mommy will always love you...
Don't you love me anymore mommy...
No, I never loved you, and you listen here, no one will, or could ever love you, remember that...
After tonight she is no longer your sister...
Jasmine, what's wrong...
I love you Jas, good-night. Good night Ape, I love you too...
Jas, come here, I wanna show you something, before you go, I wanna give you this, it's a locket, always and forever,
love Danielle...
I love you Dani, I will always love you...
This is you home now Jas, now give me everything from your past, you won't be needing it anymore...
No, not my necklace, please, let me keep it...
Jas, what is this locket...
I don't know, it's just something I've always had, I think I got it at the mall a few years ago...
I want to be your brother again, please Jas, I love you...
Ape, let's go I wanna meet my future husband tonight...
Ape, can I tell you something...
I'm bi...
You mean you like girls....
Yes...
That's cool, I'll always love you no matter what...
I want to remember, please help me...
I want to remember, remember, remember...'
Jas woke up disoriented. She was no longer on the floor but in a bed, but not hers. She turned and realized that she was in someone's arms. She could see that the moon lighted up their hair, she turned more and saw that Lance was holding her. She exhaled deeply and sighed, she gently got out of his grasp, went to the balcony, and stood outside in the cold breeze for a few moments.
She was scared. Usually after these dreams the memories would disappear, but now, as she stood on the balcony of this hotel, outside of the room of her `brother,' she remembered all the events in her dreams and the conversation with in them, and the feeling that she felt then, and what happened next.
Jas began to feel the cold and went back inside. She glanced around the room. She saw that Nick was sleeping on the couch. She felt bad because it was because of her that he couldn't be in bed with his boyfriend. She quietly walked of the room and back into the hall. She sighed loudly.
" What's going on with me?" Jas walked back to her room and quietly took the telephone to the balcony.
" Hello?" Said a tired voice.
" I'm so sorry Ape, but I needed to hear your voice."
" Jas?"
" Shush, keep it down, mom and dad cant know where I am."
" Why? They don't want you to go."
" I know, but in a couple days I will be able to do as I please."
" And what will you want to do?"
" I want to know who I am, and these people know who that is. I won't come home until I know everything. And that could take days, weeks, months, or even years. But I'll call you every night. I love you, sleep now, talk tomorrow, bye."
Jas hung up and went back inside. She climbed into bed and went back to sleep. When she woke it was morning and BJ was sitting her bed crying.
" Beejy, what's wrong?"
" I want to help you, but I don't know how. Wait, what did you just call me?"
" Beejy, I always called you that didn't I?"
" Yes, you did." BJ jumped on Jas and began to tickle her.
" Are you remembering?"
" Yes, now stop, you know that that will kill me!"
" Alright, but lets get going, the guys get antsy when they don't get going on time, well ok, Kevin and Lance get anal. But lets go anyway, I'm HUNGRY!"
Jas laughed at BJ and got dressed packed and ready to eat. They walked down to Lance and Nick's room, when they got there; Lance rushed up to them and hugged Jas tight.
" Jesus Christ Lance, let go!"
" I'm sorry, I just, when I woke up and you were gone I thought, well I thought the worst."
" I told you she was fine." Nick yelled from the bedroom.
" Shut up! Jas, are you ok?"
" Yes, Lance, I am." Jas knew that she used to call him Jamie, but she wouldn't say it yet.
" Ok enough of this, we have to get back on the busses by noon." Kevin yelled at the group.
" How are we splitting the busses?" JC spoke up.
" How ever, there are ten bunks in each bus. So split as you see fit."
The busses would be split like this: in the NSYNC bus: Justin, BJ, Joey, Nick and Lance. In the BSB bus: Kevin, Howie, AJ and Brian, Chris and JC.
" What about me?"
" Oh! Well, take any bus you want."
Jas thought about it, and she decided that she needed to learn to be apart from the familiar.
" If it's ok, I'd like to be on the Backstreet bus."
" What!?!"
" Lance, please understand. I need to see if I can be away from the familiar. If things get to rough I can always switch right?"
" Uh, yeah, but what if-"
" I know what you're gonna say, but I am going to be 18 tomorrow and I have to start being an adult."
" Tomorrow?"
" Yes, January 5th. I'll be 18, an adult in the new millennium."
" No, it's in March. March 16th."
" No, it's not."
Lance looked at her; she wasn't going to change no matter what. He nodded, picked up his bags, and headed for the bus. When everyone was situated on each of their respective busses, they took off.
" Bri?"
" Yah?"
" Do you think everything with Jas will be ok?"
" I don't know. I know so little about her."
" Oh, she's just a sweet girl, I would hate to see her hurt."
" This is why I love you Alex, because you are so caring." AJ smiled at his lover and pulled him close.
" Bri bear, I love you so much."
" Alex, what's wrong?"
" I don't want to loose you."
" You wont, no matter what."
" Promise."
" I promise."
" What's got you so afraid?"
" I don't know, its just this tour, I am getting a strange vibe, like something is going to happen, and it's not going to be good." Brian pulled AJ as close as he could.
" Don't worry, we'll always have each other." AJ smiled as he drifted off to sleep for a short nap.
" Boo? Could you come here and help me with some lyrics?"
" Sure Howard."
' My life without you
It was so hard
How I survived, I'll never know
Surely, it was a miracle
When I met you
I knew that I would never be lonely again
But then you went and broke my heart
Why'd you go and do that
We were so happy
What did I do
What did I say
I know what I said
I said I love you
And it scared you
Now that we hold each other tight
I promise never to scare you again
I love you boo
Now and forever'
" Howard I, I don't know what to say, it's beautiful."
" I love you."
" And I you. What inspired you to write this?"
" With all the chaos, I just wanted you to know that if it got to be too much, that you always have me." Kevin collapsed into Howie's arms in tears.
" What, Pumpkin, what is it?"
" I just love you so much."
" Oh, Boo, don't cry, come one, watch TV with me, come now, let's go." Howie and Kevin went to the hang out room and watched a little TV before the two of them fell asleep.
" Beej? You ok?"
" Yeah, I'm just happy that I'm getting my best friend back."
" Yeah, BJ, I, I don't know if it's too soon to say this, but I love you."
" Oh Justin, I love you too."
Justin cupped his hands around BJ's face and kissed her lips. BJ became the more aggressive one and her tongue dove into Justin's mouth. Their tongues fought with each other. Justin sighed into the kiss driving BJ crazy. Her hands explored his back while his hands slowly went up her shirt. BJ stopped kissing Justin.
" Baby, if, when we do this, I want it to be romantic, and not in some bunk on a tour bus with my brother ten feet away." Justin laughed.
" You're right, when we do do it, it will be special." BJ relaxed in Justin' arms. It was a long drive to
Pittsburgh.
Chris and JC sat in the hang out room on a different couch as Kevin and Howie and talked.
" Do you want it to work between you two? Really?"
" I don't know, I mean I used to think that Joey was my world, but now, I don't know."
" Do you love him?"
" G-d yes."
" Then you can make this work."
" How do you and Tessa do it?"
" We love and trust each other completely, that's the main thing. Do you and Joey trust each other?"
" No. I don't trust him and in turn he doesn't want to trust me."
" Call him. If you have to completely start over, from being associates, to friends to hopefully lovers again, then do it." Chris grabbed the telephone and dialed the other bus. As it rang he gave the telephone to JC, left the room, and motioned for Howie and Kevin to leave as well.
Joey heard the telephone ring and ran to pick it up
" Hello?"
" May I speak to Joseph Fatone Jr. please?"
" Speaking, who is this?"
" My name in Joshua Chasez and I was wondering if you were free to talk for a bit."
Joey giggled a bit. He understood what JC was trying to do. He was trying to rebuild their relationship, by any means necessary, even if it meant starting over.
" I'm free, what shall we discuss?"
" How about love, it's a controversial topic now days, and I'd like to hear your opinions on it."
Joey laughed and started to talk. They got into a deep conversation about love, life, and everything in between. It ended up being the one of the best conversations they have ever had.
Lance and Nick were in the kitchen eating while BJ and Justin discussed their sexual future.
" I want to ask you something."
" Okay." Lance sat down next to Nick and waited for Nick to talk.
" When we get to Pits will you go out with me?" Lance burst out laughing.
" This is not funny. I want to go out on a date with you."
" I'm sorry baby, it just sounded weird. I would love to go to the movies with you." They smiled at each other and continued to cook up lunch.
Jas sat in her bunk flipping through her photo album. She missed her family so much. She wondered if April was home now missing her as well. She got up and out of her bunk. She wondered over to the hang out room but saw that JC was talking on the telephone. She walked to the kitchen and saw Howie and Kevin talking and laughing. She quietly crossed to the fridge and took out bottled water.
" Hey Jas, what's up?"
" Oh, nothing, sorry to disturb you."
" No, no, stay, talk."
" Okay." Jas sat down on a stool across from the pair.
" May I ask a question?"
" Anything, shoot."
" Does the world know about all of you guys? I mean I know about AJ and Brian, hell I even saw the TRL and Thanksgiving things, but what about you two, and Nick and Lance and the rest of NSYNC, and maybe other ` boy band' boys?"
" Yes, the media is aware and as much of a little field day as they had with it, they couldn't do much
because we came out to them shortly after Brian and AJ got back together. We decided that if we told them then they could never shame us. And we have not lost popularity, as you may have noticed. As for NSYNC, I don't know, you'd have to ask-." Kevin cut him off.
" Yes, Lance did. JC and Joey have yet to come out and Justin and Chris are staight, so no problem there."
" He did, where was I?"
" I don't know Howard."
" Oh. Okay, as I was saying, 98* has come out as well. Some thought that Jessica was Nick's girl friend but she was just a cover up. He is together with fellow band mate Justin Jeffre, they call him JJ.
But the other two are single, gay and looking for love."
" G-d Howard you sound like a commercial for a personal dating service."
Howie folded his arms and pouted a bit. Kevin smiled at him, kissed his cheek and Howie's
smile returned.
" Oh, okay."
" What's on your mind?"
" Me?"
" Yes."
" Nothing, it's just that, I want to find love too." Jas looked away and fingered the locket around her neck. She always wore it, but she had no idea why.
" You will. I'm sure you'll find the guy of your dreams while on tour with us."
" I wasn't actually looking for the man of my dreams if you know what I mean."
" No, I'm sorry I don't."
" I want love, but not with a man."
" Oh, Oh!"
" Now do you see why I won't find love for a long time."
" Don't be too sure."
" What's that supposed to mean?"
" All the girls who will be on tour with us are bisexual."
" Oh? And does the world know about them?"
" Jessica just came out a few weeks ago and Britney, and Christina did last year, but Mandy is still in the bi-curious stage."
" Really? Jessica? Hmmm, thanks guys, I think I'm gonna take a nap now. Thank you again."
Jas walked to her bunk and laid down, she smiled. She knew that this tour would change her life. It would change for the better, she was sure.
Chapter 7
Jas was wrestles. She walked to the entertainment room and saw that JC was still on the telephone. She had to use the telephone. She walked over to him and looked at him.
" Yes?"
" I'm sorry, I need to use the phone."
" Oh? Just a moment. Joey, Jasmine has to use the telephone. We will talk more later. I miss you too. Goodbye."
" JC?"
" Yes?"
" Do you have Lance's number, I mean in Florida?"
" Yes, here it is."
Jas looked at the paper, sat down, and picked up the telephone. She entered the digits and waited nervously as it rang.
" Hello?" A woman who was in her 50's answered the telephone. " Hello, is anyone there?"
" Hi, I, my name is, it's Jasmine Bass." Jas could hear deep breathing on the other end.
" Look, I needed to call, so I will do the talking. My name is Jasmine Destiny. And apparently, I am your daughter. But I don't understand why you are tearing up my life for the second
time. I have a family now, one that loves me regardless of what I look like. I will be a legal adult tomorrow, and you won't be able to tie me down. Please don't take my happiness form me. If you ever loved me, and I do believe that at some point you did, don't do this to me."
" Jasmine, my baby, I made a mistake. I was so set in my ways; I wanted Lance to go far, that I lost track of what was important to me. I did love you sweetheart. And the moment I sent you away I could feel it in my soul, but I, I thought that you were the reason that my son was gay. Yes I knew. He was always with you, he had no friends. And I thought that was wrong. Jim and I taught out son in the ways of g-d and that was not godly.
We mourned the loss of out daughter for years. We had no idea where you were. Once we put you in the hospital, we lost touch. On purpose and because the agency did not want us to contact you. When they told us last month, that we would be able to have you back for a few months before you turned 18, we were thrilled. And we do want you
back baby. Please, just until your birthday, then you can go back to your other family."
" There is no other family! I am who I am because of my mother, father, brother, and sister. And not the family that you are related to! I have just recently met Lance, and I want to love him again, but I will not do that if it means hurting the people that I love so dearly. And my birthday is tomorrow. Not in March as you think. It may have been when I was eleven, but I am seventeen, eighteen! God damn it! Why are you punishing me so?"
" I did not raise you to take G-d's name in vain!"
" You're right, you didn't raise me! Even when I was under your roof, you did not care for me. You did not love, clothe, feed, or care for me! So don't you dare scold me as if I was your flesh and blood, because as far as I'm concerned, I am no longer your daughter. I fought the memories. I did not want to remember crying every night as I fell asleep hungry.
I didn't want to remember all the Christmases when Jamie got the gifts and I got nothing! I didn't want to remember when you didn't know what to do with me anymore so you let me eat whatever I wanted, do you wanna know why I got so out of control? I was fucking depressed because my family had no love for me! None! You want to know why I had no friends. Because I wasn't allowed to! You kept me a prisoner, you were ashamed of me, so you didn't want anyone to know about me. Jesus, you even tried to keep the only person who did care for me away.
But you should be happy, because it was your son who finally pushed me to go crying to you that day and that set you off. But if you were ashamed of Lance then, then you'll get a kick out of this. I'm bi! That's right I love to love women. And to top it off I am fucking proud of who I am!
So as I told Lance, maybe I should thank you. I am now surrounded by the people I love, the people who I have been blessed to love me. I beg you, don't make the mistake of demanding my return. Because if you do, you will regret it! Goodbye mother, forever!"
Jas slammed the telephone down. She was shaking. She knew exactly who she was. Deep down she knew all along, but she could never face it. But as she listened to her mother, her biological mother, not her real one, talk to her, she could pretend anymore.
She dropped to her knees and screamed in pain. It was the most gut wrenching cry she had every cried. She pounded the floor withher fists and cried like there was no tomorrow.
Howie, Kevin, JC, Chris, Brian, and AJ rushed into the room. They were all shocked by what they heard and saw. They didn't know what to do. AJ, being the only one of them to know her, even if it was just a bit, ran to her and wrapped his arms around her. He felt her shake violently. He lifted her and placed her on the couch. He wrapped her in a blanket and sat with her until she fell asleep. When she did, he turned to the group.
" I had a bad feeling going into this tour, but I never imagined this. Will someone call the other bus and tell them to meet us at the next rest station. I think that we all should be on one bus it will be crowded, but I think that it will do us a lot of good."
JC nodded and went to call the other bus. While doing do he thought if it would be ok if he and Joey were to share a bus. He thought they could, or at least try. Thankfully, they did not have to share a bed. They were definitely not ready for that. He dialed the bus and Lance picked up.
" Hey it's Lance."
" It's JC, look we need all if you to pack your things and move to this bus."
" Why? What's up?"
" It's Jas, she well, you should just get here."
" Jas? What's wrong, damn Josh tell me."
" I don't really know what to say, look we are approaching the rest station, just pack and come."
JC hung up and went back to the others. AJ was still holding Jas.
" Where the others at?"
" Brian went to put his things on my bunk and Howie to Kevin's. All the couples will have to sleep together in order to have enough room. Well all but Beej and Justin, Nick would shit bricks if they slept together. And of course and Joey take your time. Chris and Tessa will when she comes in a few days." AJ talked to JC not tearing his eyes off Jas.
" Oh, okay. Well I'll be in my bunk you if you need me."
" Okay man."
Just as JC settled down the bus stopped and five bodies rushed into the bus. They all ran for the bunks. Since it was time to couple up, Lance and Nick chose a bunk towards the back. BJ took one close to the front and Justin took one in the middle. Joey looked for where JC's was and took one a couple beds down.
Lance left Nick to unpack as he went in search of Jas. He walked into the hangout room and found AJ lying with Jasmine on the couch. He was close to sleeping himself, but he didn't want to leave Jas.
" AJ, what the fuck happened? And why are you in bed with my sister?"
" Take a chill pill Lance, I'm keeping her warm. I want all the guys to hear this, so I only have to say
it once. Could you go get them?"
" Sure."
Lance went to find all of the others wondering why AJ was trying to keep his sister warm. He walked to the bunks and called for everyone to go to the hang out room for a meeting.
" We're all here AJ, now what's this all about?"
AJ relayed Jas and her mother's entire conversation. When he was through Lance was pale and crying silent tears. He rested his head against Nick's chest to calm himself. Nick held him and rocked him. Howie reached for Kevin's
hand and held it tight. Joey looked at JC from a cross the room and smiled. BJ was already in tears and crying into Justin's shoulder. Chris stood with Brian and watched as their friends cried.
Brian watched AJ as he tried to keep Jas from getting colder. The look on AJ's face was a familiar one. It was one of love. Brian couldn't watch his lover love another, not again. He turned and ran to the bunks. There was an extra bed. He moved his things from AJ's bed to the spare. He then crawled into bed and fell asleep thinking of AJ.
AJ looked around the room searching for Brian not finding him he started to cry. He looked down at Jas. She was still shaking. AJ lifted her up and carried her to her bunk. He placed her under the covers and kissed her cheek. She was starting to calm down at this point, so AJ felt ok about leaving her alone for a few moments.
He went back to his bunk expecting to see his lover but when he didn't he started to panic. He began to search everyone's bed. He came upon the spare and looked in.Inside, curled up in a tight ball was Brian. He wondered why he was in this bed and not in theirs. He began to think if he had said anything to make him mad. Then suddenly it hit him. Jas was the reason Brian was so upset. Did Brian think he was falling for her? AJ laughed aloud. If reassurance was what Brian needed than he was going to give it to him.
He went to tell the guys to stay clear of the kitchen for a few hours. He went back and cooked up a mama McLean special. He put a rose in the middle and put on some music. He put on his favorite Jessica Simpson song. This song was played many times when the two had made love. It was their song. He turned up the stereo loud. If others could get joy from this song then so be it. He put it on repeat. This song just warmed up his heart and he hoped it would do the same for Brian.
"When I see you there I'm so aware
Of how lucky I am baby
Cuz I don't deserve
I don't come close
To understanding baby
The logic of your kind of trust
It amazes me
That someone like you
Would care enough
To just believe
Your faith in me
It pulls me through
When there's nothing around
To hold on to
When I fall, when I'm weak
All the strength that I need
Is your faith baby, your faith in me.
Even we fall we get along, Cuz our love is real baby
It's like salvation to my soul
Cuz that's how it feels baby
The sacred thing that I keep close
To carry on
And I know that I will be all right
And you're here and all
Your faith in me
It pulls me through
When there's nothing around
To hold on to
When I fall, when I'm weak
All the strength that I need
Is your faith baby, your faith in me.
You make me feel I can walk on water
( I can reach above the stars)
and nothing comes against me
safe within your arms
Your faith in me
It pulls me through
When there's nothing around
To hold on to
When I fall, when I'm weak
All the strength that I need
Is your faith baby, your faith in me.
When I fall baby, when I'm weak baby
All I need baby,
All I need is your faith in me
When I fall baby, when I'm weak baby
All I need baby,
All I need is your faith in me
When I fall baby, when I'm weak baby
All I need baby,
All I need is your faith in me
When I fall baby, when I'm weak baby
All I need baby,
All I need is your faith in me
Your faith in me' ( You Faith In Me. from Sweet Kisses by Jessica Simpson)
AJ was so busy setting thing he didn't see Brian come up. This was the night that he was going to change their lives forever. On the table was a red rose and a note. Brian picked up the note and read it.
` Bri Bear, All I need is your faith in me. Remember the first time we heard it? We made love with only the moonlight and our love as out guides. I love you with all my heart, all my soul, and all my might.
Be mine forever. I remember the night I gave you the ring that you wear on your hand to this day. I remember thinking that one day I was gong to out a wedding band on it. And today is my chance.
Although I would like to say this in person, I get the feeling you are a little mad at me. For loving Jas, well that's just plain stupid B, I love her yes, but with the love of a brother.
You are my heart. Always and forever. Brian Thomas Littrell, will you marry me? I love you so much, and I would die if I ever lost you. You are my destiny. Please say yes. Forever yours, Alex'
Brian was stunned. He read too much into things. He looked at the rose. It seemed to shine. Tied around the stem was an engagement ring. On a gold band was a tiny garnet in the shape of a heart, in the middle, a diamond heart, and on the other side an amethyst. It was the most beautiful ring he could ever imagine. He slipped the ring onto his own hand and looked down on it. He looked around for AJ but saw that he had his headset on and was setting things up in their bunk.
Brian turned off the Jessica Simpson CD and put in a song that he always wanted to be their song, well ever since he heard it anyway. It was called Too beautiful for words, and it was from the `The power of pop' soundtrack. Brian laughed as he took it from the shelf. The only reason he had the CD in the first place was because Aaron Carter had given it to him as a gift. However, he fell in love with second track and many others because they reminded him of AJ. He put on the CD and waited for AJ to hear the words and come to him.
"When I try to describe
How I feel when you hold me
I get butterflies, I hear lullabies
It's hard to explain
Like the scent of a rose
Or the sound of the rain
It's too precious
And too wonderful
To give it a name
Too beautiful for words
A symphony inside me
Too beautiful for words
I cannot take them lightly
Baby can you hear my saddened heart
It's on the tip of my tongue
But my lips are still sealed
Only violins and their innocence
Can show you how I feel
And I hear them again
At the end of the day
I'm all teary eyed when
We kiss goodbye
There's nothing I can say
Too beautiful for words
A symphony inside me
Too beautiful for words
I cannot take them lightly
Makin' you hear my silent heart
Must be a million times
I tried to express this love of mine
When it goes this deep
When it tastes this sweet
It's not easy to define
Too beautiful for words
A symphony inside me
Too beautiful for words
I cannot take them lightly
Too beautiful for words
A symphony inside me
Too beautiful for words
I cannot take them lightly
Makin' you hear my silent heart" ( ' 2 Beautiful 4 Words', sung by Christina Aguilera on the Power of Pop album)
AJ walked out to him, tears streaming down his face.
" G-d I love you." Brian turned and looked at him, he ran and crashed into AJ throwing them to the floor. Brian snaked his tongue into AJ's mouth.
" You are my everything. I love you Alex, forever and always."
AJ looked to the side and saw that Brian was wearing the ring. He started to tickle him and rolled over so he was on top.
" Aww Bri, now you got me all riled up. And we wouldn't want to make a mess before dinner would we?"
" No, I guess not."
Brian pouted his lip, hoping that AJ would give him just one more kiss. AJ looked at him and laughed. He nibbled on Brian's pouting lip, and gave into his feelings. He laid down on top of Brian and the two were into major groping and kissing when they were interrupted by a loud scream.
" WHAT ARE YOU DOING???????"
AJ and Brian jumped off each other and into the other room. The got there and found Nick yelling at BJ like there was no tomorrow. Justin was on the floor bleeding.
" Nick, what the fuck, all we were doing was kissing."
" Oh yeah, well if I hadn't stopped by it would have been more. Did you know that if he fucks you he could go to jail?"
" He would never fuck me, he would make love to me." They were beyond yelling now.
" What?"
" We love each other and we should be able to do what we please."
" Fuck no, how could you know what love is? I knew I should have told mom that you shouldn't have come."
" Fuck you Nick, I'm 17, and what would I know about love? Don't even get me started. I know that love does come to you when you are thirteen when you tell someone you'll love them if they betray someone else. Didn't think I knew what you two did years ago? Yeah well innocent little BJ, at the age of nine, saw her brother sucking face with another boys right after her best friend was sent away.
Little goody goody BJ didn't tell her mother that her brother was gay because she knew that her mother would have a fit. But you know what, I'm tired of being the good and innocent one. God damn it! Let me live my own life. I live in the shadows of Nick Carter. Do you know how that feels, I'm 17, and even my little brother is getting more respect than I am. "
" Don't bring Aaron into this. And stop being a bitch!"
" Excuse me?" BJ looked at her brother with such hatred, she exploded. She punched him in the face and in the stomach. Nick doubled over and passed out. While he was out, he had the weirdest dream.
" ' Nick, what the fuck, all we were doing was kissing."
" Oh yeah, well if I hadn't stopped by it would have been more. Did you know that if he fucks you he could go to jail?"
" He would never fuck me, he would make love to me." They were beyond yelling now.
" What?"
" We love each other and we should be able to do what we please."
" Fuck no, how could you know what love is? I knew I should have told mom that shouldn't have come."
" Fuck you Nick, I'm 17, and what would I know about love? Don't even get me started. I know that love does come to you when you are thirteen when you tell someone you'll love them if they betray someone else. Didn't think I knew what you two did years ago? Yeah well innocent little BJ, at the age of nine, saw her brother sucking face with another boys right after her best friend was sent away.
Little goody goody BJ didn't tell her mother that her brother was gay because she knew that her mother would have a fit. But you know what, I'm tired of being the good and innocent one. God damn it! Let me live my own life. I live in the shadows of Nick Carter. Do you know how that feels, I'm 17, and even my little brother is getting more respect than I am. "
" Don't bring Aaron into this. And stop being a bitch!"
" Excuse me? Why not, do you want to know what he told me when he found out that you were gay
because you told MTV before your family? He told me that he could never trust you again. If you didn't trust your own family with something that big, than obviously they meant nothing to you.
Now look what you did. He's one of you best friends and he's on the ground crying and bleeding. Look at him. I hope you realize what an asshole you've been over the years. You don't even deserve the love that are getting from Lance or there, he would never love you if he knew all your secrets."
" What secrets do I have to hide from him."
" You want me to shout them out in this bus right now?"
" I don't know what the fuck you're talking about BJ, stop with all the bullshit. I'm sending you home."
" Fuck you Nick. You know exactly what I'm talking about. The day after you left Lance you managed to find yourself a little gay ass whore to fuck with you because you didn't know how to jack off yourself.
When AJ and Brian were broken up you were Brian's plaything for many nights, remember that? Or how about when Kevin and Howie were on the extend break, which by the way guys, was the stupidest break up ever, anyway, how about when Kevin took pleasure in you, and you didn't tell a soul, because you were underage and he was drunk.
Justin and I are not drunk. And with barely an age difference. At least I'm not 14 and he's in his mid twenties. Jesus, the Backstreet boys are just a bunch of fucking sluts. You know what Nick send me home because I can't stand to look at any of you anymore." BJ looked around the room and saw that each person was crying.
" And stop with the crying, what is it with gay guys and crying?" BJ ran to her bunk and started to pack.
Nick sat down on a couch and hoped that the room would disappear. Everything that BJ had said was true. How she knew was beyond him, but it was true. He just hoped that Howie and AJ would not it against their partners. He glanced up and Lance was glaring at him. AJ and Howie stood in the back and stared at their lovers with a cold stare, but to Nick they shot daggers. JC and Joey were tending to Justin.
" Justin, is she drunk or something, I have never seen a girl become so unhinged."
" I, I am so sorry."
" Why Curly what did you do?"
" I, we, I gave her a beer and a joint before we got here, and I see that it had negative effects."
" You what? Jesus Bounce, I could kill you right abut now."
" I know, I'm sorry."
" It's not us you should apologize to, its all of the Backstreet Boys, plus Lance whose relationships are all on the verge of being destroyed."
" I know, but I don't know what to do."
" You raped him?"
" No, I, I don't know. Nick never told me what I did to him. And I was too drunk to remember. Nicky I am so sorry. Please tell me what I did to you."
" I cant Kevin, I'm sorry."
" Why?"
" It's too painful." Kevin slumped to the floor.
" Brian? Is this true?" Brian looked from his best friend to his fiancée. His head lowered.
" Yes. It was only a few times. And I couldn't get Nick to do it at first. I had to get him trashed. I pretended that he was you. I missed you so much but I needed something. I am so sorry AJ."
Brian sat on the floor next to his cousin and cried into Kevin's chest. Lance was the last to speak.
" What did she mean when you left me you found someone else?"
" I loved you, but I was 13, I don't think I truly knew that that meant. I didn't exactly know how to jack off properly, so one of the dancers at the time offered to help. He never asked for anything in return, we would just jack me off or blow me when I needed. After a while I got the hang of getting myself off but Mike kept coming to me. He then told me that he wanted something too. He said that if I didn't he would tell the media about everyone. So, I did as he told. I always dreamed that my first time would be with you," Nick got up off the couch and faced everyone.
" If you wanted to have sex with me, expecting me to be a virgin, than I am sorry. But that was taken away from me years ago. By two men that I trusted. I am sorry. I never would have ever brought any of this shit up. I don't know how BJ found any of this out, or even why she told you,
I suspect that she was in fact drunk. She has an extremely low tolerance for alcohol. I am so sorry for all of this." Nick walked quietly out of the room and to the kitchen. On the way, he heard retching noises coming form the bathroom. He walked I and found BJ covered in throw up. She was crying and puking all over the place. She looked up and saw Nick. She started to cry harder.
" I am so sorry Nicky, please, someday, forgive me."
" No, I'm sorry Beej. These things should not have been kept secrets. But please Beej, were you drunk?"
" Yes, I saw that Justin had a beer and I got one too, he tried to take it away, but since I had already had a few sips, I was drunk and was gong off on him. I drank three bottles and smoked a joint that Michelle had given me last week. I am so sorry. As for how I knew. I found some of your poems in a drawer. I am so sorry Nicky, I love you."
She began to throw up again before Nick could talk to her again. His poetry. He had written dozens upon dozens of poems after the encounters with Mikkey and Kevin and nights with Brian. He thought he had hidden them, but not so well.
Nick walked back to the hang out room to see how ting were going. He peeked in and saw that AJ was sleeping on the couch and Brian was with him. Howie and Kevin were also in each other's arms in a chair. Lance was watching TV. Nick walked over to Lance and sat down beside him.
" Are they ok?"
" Yes, they both said that it was in the past, but that when they got home that they were gonna go to therapy."
" What about you?"
" Me? What about me?"
" Do we have a future?"
" Yes Nick we do, don't worry, I just need a few hours to process, is that ok?"
" Yes, I need a few hours to sleep and apologize to Justin." Nick got up and walked to the kitchen.
" Justin, I want to apologize. BJ told me what happened."
" Oh, I am sorry too, I should have stopped her, but when she gets drunk she gets bitchy."
" Yes I know, I'm still sorry."
Justin nodded to him. Nick walked back to his bunk, crawled in, and went to sleep. Nick thought to himself that when he woke up that this would all have been a nightmare.'
Nick woke up a few hours later and his jaw was aching. He got up and went to hang out room. Everyone was there laughing and talking.
" Well look whose back from the dead. Jeez Beej I thought you had knocked him unconscious."
" Shut up AJ."
" Huh?"
" BJ punched you when you told her that she and Justin were fucking. After that, you were out like a light. I don't know what you were dreaming about, but every two seconds you were either yelling or crying." AJ laughed at his friend.
" I'm so confused. I had the most horrible dream. But we wont go into it."
" Good, by the way, Brian and I are engaged."
" Really? Congrats, I'm so proud of you both. Is Jas up yet?"
" No, still out. This whole thing has hit her hard. I checked on her about 20 minutes ago and she seemed to be sleeping. Maybe you should sleep too, you look exhausted."
" Ya, see you guys."
Nick walked back to bed, he was way too confused to even try to figure out if any of what happened in his dream was true.
feedback, pretty please with a cherry on top? lol! MrClean290@aol.com