Disclaimer, you know the deal, no reading unless you are over the age limit of 21 or whateva it is that your country says it is! blah blah blah! This story does not imply that anyone ('Nsync or A1) mentioned here is gay blah blah, or that I know any of them personally blah blah....... I wish I did know them though, it wouldn't be all that bad.
Hey, sorry bout the long wait again, but this chapter is meant to be longer than the other ones except for the REALLY long one i did, i had so much things i wanted to put into this one, but sometimes thinking ahead gets me all 'So Emotional', hehe the song by Christina Aguilera. For some odd reason, i got this crave to start listening to 'Nsync's first CD again, dunno why, but for some reason i just wanted to. After listening to NSA and A1 (Here We Come) i've developed an even stronger liking for their first one. But what has all this gotta do with the story, nothing. hehe, but there is something that i wanna say. For those of you who REALLY dunno who A1 are (which is alot), then go to this site....www.a1-online.com, and also this one.. www.a1-home.com/main.html. And be sure to find out who's Ben Adams! Him and Justin have to be the cutest ppl around! but thats my opinion, some of yous might like Mark or Paul, but don't think Christian is being left out, i just don't think he's as cute as the others. BUT GO TO THOSE 2 SITES, get some background info on them, and it WILL HELP ALOT with the story when they actually become a proper part of it. I dunno if they will become a permanent part, but I can say they will be joining it soon, if i don't diddle daddle anymore. It helps if u can put a face to the names, and mayb ages.
As i said, i've been at work, earning some NEEDED money.....im practically broke.....empty pockets....but i've finally pulled some time from out of no-where and wrote this chapter....look out for an update in Tormented Soul soon as well, that's coming along pretty well....i think its mainly about character history.....good b/g info on most of the characters (the ones i made up). but this isn't Tormented Soul so i should stay with DD. Also, i'm adding a wonderful character into DD, and yes, i think some of you are going....who? who? who?, but, unless u read my email.. with the attachment, you will have no idea who i'm putting in...and also, u might realise he has a name, not the nickname i gave u in the attachment...hehe, it is his real name...but u got to read to find it out...and for those who didn't get the attachment, send me an email at eternal_nsync@yahoo.co.uk and i'll send u it...btw, i don't live in the UK.
parts of this story is real btw, it has aspects of my life in it, and it means alot to me. in other words, parts of it is based on MY life. and there is quite a long bit here that is all about Jason's past, something that wasn't very hard to write coz its what i've had to go through lately, just a few things are different, like the part on cyber schooling, moving away and dropping school and a few more. Im not that depressed, or dumb.
And i want some advice on the flashback part, its my first time at doing something like that and i dunno if it was good enuf...i dunno if it was TOO mushy, hehe.
well here's the chapter....finally, it is a bit longer than most of my other chapters, coz i owe it to u guys since i haven't posted in forever. and im gonna start the next chapter RIGHT NOW.
----------------------- Destiny's Decision
|Previously on Destiny's Decision|
"JUSTIN RANDALL TIMBERLAKE!!!"
Chapter 7
Justin shot up at the sound of his mother's yelling. Jason woke too, not only from the sound of Lynn, but also because he was jerked up by Justin's sudden movement.
"What's wrong Justin?" Jason groggily said, he hadn't seen Lynn, and just waited for Justin to answer. Justin continued to stare at the doorway, where his mother stood, arms cross and probably about to explode.
"Um, mum..." Justin didn't know what to say. When Jason heard Justin, he snapped his head in the direction he was looking at, and he was shocked beyond imagination. They both sat there and said nothing.
"Care to explain Justin? about what is going on?" Lynn's question came out calm but forceful.
"Mum...this is....um....Jason, he's our new Assisstant Tour Manager...and he's also...also my... my boyfriend." Justin managed to say.
"Oh My God...this is not happening, this is NOT happening..." She had made her way into the room and sat down on a chair, her head rested on her hand as she continuously shook her head as if it would make things better for her.
"Um...maybe I should leave..." With that Jason got up, but Justin pulled him straight back down again.
"Jason..." Justin didn't say anything else, his eyes pleading, tears almost forming in them.
"This is between you and your mum ok? remember what I said." A tear slid down Justin's cheek, and Jason wiped it away before he gave him a kiss, and then slowly walked out. His back was turned towards Justin and so no-one saw the tears he shed.
Lynn continued to just sit there, but she now had her head back against the chair, staring up at the ceiling. Finally she spoke up.
"Justin? are serious about this? I mean, do you really love him?" She looked directly at him.
"Yes, I love him, and...and if he leaves, I'm going with him."
"I didn't say he had to leave, I love you Justin, and you'll always be my son. I don't completely approve of it, but then again, you're old enough to make those decisions. I just want you to know that sometimes not everyone is who they seem to be, but if he's your tour manager then I guess he's not with you for the money." She smiled, but inside she was still angry, but she couldn't let it out, she was meant to be the understanding one, that was her role. Justin just lay down and closed his eyes, thoughts kept racing through his head. Before he knew it, he was alseep again.
Outside
Lynn came down the stairs, Jason was sitting on the couch, doing nothing in particular, he was just thinking about how this would work out. Whether or not he and Justin could be together.
"Jason...I need to talk with you." Lynn motioned for him to follow her into her office.
"If you're asking me to leave, then I will, just let me say goodbye to Justin first."
"No, I just want to know, are you being serious with Justin? If you're not then I just want you to leave, save him the pain, but if you are, then I have nothing to say but you have my blessings."
"I am serious, I love him with all my heart, I dunno what I would do without him." Tears began to escape his eyes again, but they were of love and happiness and not pain or suffering.
"And one last thing, are you two...um...you know, having sex?" Jason snapped his head up and glared at Lynn, he couldn't answer her, not because they had had sex, because they hadn't, but because the question was so direct and blunt. He merely shook his head no.
Lynn seemed satisfied with the answer, and she began to walk out, when she reached the door, she turned around and said one last thing
"And from now on, I want you to call me Lynn." She gave him a warm smile and walked out. Jason sat down on one of the chairs, recalling everything that had just happened. Everything had gone by so fast...if Lynn hadn't been so understanding then maybe, maybe they would've not been able to stay together. Jason fell asleep in the chair, but even as he did so a tear slid out of his eyes, at the present moment he didn't even know if he was happy or sad, there was just too many things going on in his life.
Over an hour had passed, and Justin woke up. As he got up, he remember what had just happened, then as if his mind was jolted he shot up and ran through the house looking for Jason. The only thing he could think of was where Jason was, and when he couldn't find him anywhere that he had looked, his mind wandered to the worst. He collapsed onto the couch, and buried his head in his hands. All he knew was that he had to find Jason, to tell him what his mum said, to tell him that Lynn accepted them. He couldn't find Lynn in her room, so he expected her to be working in her office. He was not happy, because he had thought that Lynn had told Jason some things that she didn't tell him. But when he barged in, there was no-one at the desk, instead he found Jason fast asleep on one of the chairs. Surprisingly, Jason didn't wake up from the noise Justin had just made, but kept on sleeping. Justin's anger subsided from the moment he saw Jason, he quietly walked over and sat down next to him, sliding his arm around him. As if by reflex, Jason snuggled up to Justin, and Justin just held him tighter, never wanting to let go. Too much had happened to them in the past few hours and it was showing, it was getting to them more than they had thought it would, but they were dealing, in a good way or a bad way they couldn't tell, just that they were dealing with it.
It was 2pm by the time Jason woke up. He found himself all warm and safe, but he knew he wasn't in a bed. Then he remembered the incident with Lynn, and then realised that it was Justin that had decided to half strangle him in his sleep. He moved a bit to slightly loosen Justin's grip, but wanted to stay where he was, until Justin woke up. He thought about everything that had happened in the past few days, and realised so much had occurred. He had got the job with Jive, met Justin, befriended him, fell in love with him, started going out with him, met and told the guys, met Lynn in an absurd way and told her about them being together. Everytime he thought of Justin, saw him, heard him, or just heard his name being said something inside him brightened up no matter how he was feeling. It was a feeling he had not had for almost 3 years now, and it was something he never let anyone know, all except the few friends on the net. He told 5 people, 2 of which knew him at an internet cafe. The other 3 were girls he chatted with quite a bit, and in the end told them. High school was never fun for him, especially when he started to realise his feelings for a certain other guy, Oliver. Slowly he felt more and more miserable, he couldn't be himself normally at school, but now it was even worse. He felt miserable when he was around, because he couldn't be himself, he felt more miserable when he could only talk to him on the phone, and when he couldn't talk to him or see him, he wanted to die. He never told him how he felt, because he was scared of being rejected by him and his friends, and because there were rumours about the school kicking out gays. He went through a few months feeling this way, his only consialation was on the internet, where no-one knew him, where who he was didn't really matter. After those few months of misery and torture he couldn't handle it anymore, he left the school, moved into an apartment by himself and enrolled into a cyber-schooling program. The day before he was leaving he asked Ollie (short for Oliver, DUH!) out to a movie. Jason could recall every word of their conversation while they were waiting for the bus, like it was only yesterday.
FLASHBACK
"Hey Ollie!" Jason saw Ollie running across the road, dodging cars as he ran.
"Hi, sorry I'm late, my brother had to get a lift to a friends place." Ollie sat down on the other end of the bench.
"That's k, coz we're probably won't be watching the movie anyway. I wasn't really planning on doing anything apart from saying goodbye." Jason turned towards Ollie and waited for a reaction.
"Goodbye? what do you mean?" Ollie didn't understand at all.
"I'm dropping school, i won't be at school tomorrow or anytime after that either. I haven't told anyone, coz i don't want anyone to know, but i had to tell you, coz its all to do with you."
"Me?" Still confused
"I'm also moving away, to somewhere no-one but my parents know. I want to forget everything I have now and be a new person."
"Why? What's bad about everything, and what about your friends, are you just gonna disappear and not tell them anything?" Ollie was angry, but he tried remaining calm. Jason merely nodded to answer Ollie's second question.
"I'm leaving because, of you." Jason turned his head away, not wanting to see Ollie's reaction.
"Me? what have I done that's so bad its making you just drop everything and leave?"
"That's just the problem, you HAVEN'T done anything." Jason was almost yelling.
"Then WHY are you leaving?"
"Close your eyes, and no matter what happens I don't want you to open them until I say so, OK?" Jason softened his tone to almost a whisper, a plea. Oliver did as he said and closed his eyes. For as long as Jason had felt for Ollie, Ollie had also been avoiding his own feelings. Ollie didn't want to aknowledge how he felt for Jason and he hid it all inside, swearing to never let it out. But now Jason did something he expected the least.
Jason raised one of his hands up to Ollie's face and lightly touched it. As he ran his thumb along his soft skin a tear escaped and slid down his own face. He hesistantly leaned forward and placed his lips onto Ollie's. Ollie opened his eyes as soon as Jason's lips met his, he wanted to pull away, but he also craved for the touch of Jason's lips. The kiss remained one sided, and after not long Jason pulled away, he knew what the answer to his unspoken question was (for the ones out there who can't work that question out, its "does he love me as i love him" hehe). Ollie was too stunned to move, he just stared at the person in front of him, the one whose touch he wanted for so long, the one he wanted to be with. Jason got up, tears cascading down his face, his vision slowly blurring up from them.
"Ollie, I guess this is goodbye....forever." Jason turned and began to leave. At the moment Ollie heard the word forever, he jumped up to catch Jason before he left, because Ollie knew he wouldn't be able to get the chance to see Jason anymore. Jason had only taken a step when he felt a shaky hand grab his shoulder. He turned around, and looked straight into Ollie's teary eyes. It was at this time that he realised this was the first time he had ever looked into Ollie's eyes, never did he before have the chance to do so. Ollie felt the same, staring into Jason's eyes seemed to be a first for him, it had never occurred to him how beautiful and deep those blue eyes were. Ollie was the one to break the silence.
"I...I...Please don't leave." It wasn't a question, but a plea.
"I'm sorry..." He never finished his sentence, he didn't know how to. Ollie wasn't coping with what Jason was telling him, nothing seemed to be working in his head, everything seemed so complicated right now, so he let his heart talk for him.
"Please stay..." he pulled Jason into his arms and hugged him, one, because he wanted to have Jason close, something he never could do, and two, because there wasn't another way to get him to stay long enough for him to finish, "stay...for me, pls." He let his tears out and practically broke down. For the first time in so long, he felt safe, he felt satisfied, he felt. ...happy. Ollie still had his arms around Jason, but now Jason was also holding Ollie. Jason swore he would never let go if he ever had the chance, now that he did, he didn't know what to do. His heart was a wreck, his head was a wreck, but wanted to stay, to stay in Ollie's arms, to feel safe, loved, to be...himself. Jason let go and pulled free of Ollie's grasp, he had made his choice. Ollie collapsed onto his knees, crying. He pulled up just enough strength to say the words that he had neglected for so long.
"I...I love you Jason." Jason was surprised, but also sad. The words he wanted to hear for so long had been said, but he didn't feel anything inside anymore. He knelt down infront of Ollie and gave him a final hug before he was going to leave. Ollie instantly held on for dear life. He didn't want Jason to leave, not after he just accepted his own feelings, not after he confessed his own feelings. Jason could do nothing but say the things he feared most.
"Come'n Ollie, don't be like this. You have to move on, we weren't destined to be together, but you've still got your whole life infront of you. Forget me, like everyone else will, I don't want to weigh you down with my problems."
"But I can't Jason, I can't just forget you, I've already tried, and I can't do it. It's too hard, you're too important to me."
"You can, and you will, I'm not important, I never was, and that's why I'm leaving. I was always there, always wanting to MAKE myself important to you. Ever since I fell for you, I've wondered if you felt the same, wondered if we would ever be together."
"If you stay, we can be together, you and me, like we've always wanted. Just stay, I can't live without you." Jason managed a slight smile, he felt the same way, only a month before. He had finally made his choice, he thought it would be easy to just let everything go. But he was proven wrong. He thought Ollie wouldn't care, as much as he did now.
"I love you Ollie, goodbye." Jason whispered those final words into Ollie's ear before he pulled out of the hug. He looked at Ollie's face one last time, to look at the one he fell in love with, to look at the one he was leaving. He gave Ollie one last peck on the lips before he got up and left. He never looked back, fearing he would give in to his heart and stay. Ollie remained where he was, crying and only able to watch as the one he finally admitted to loving left his life, forever. Jason walked away, tears streaming down his face, he never looked back, the memory of those moments they shared forever in his mind, forever in his heart.
END FLASHBACK
Those moments were forever remembered. He had indeed cut all contact with everyone he once knew, relatives, friends, everyone except his parents and sisters. In the end his sisters moved to America, and because his father was always flying around, his mother came and lived with him. He never regretted ever leaving his old live, only leaving Ollie. Apart from that day, he could only remember one moment in his life where he and Ollie were ever physically close together, touching. It was when they were at a school camp, one of their friends was leaving school when it was over and so wanted to take pictures of his friends as memories. He and Ollie happened to be the only ones around when he came around. Ollie had his arm around Jason's shoulder and had his head tilted slightly, Jason restrained himself from putting his arm around Ollie's waist, because even if he didn't one could ALMOST say they were a couple then, just through the intimate way they looked in the picture. Jason savoured those few innocent moments with Ollie, and could only remember that as beign the only time he was ever happy, even if it was only for a few seconds.
As he recalled those memories from the depths of his mind, his emotions began to flow. A few tears escaped his eyes.
"Ollie..." Jason whispered, barely audible even to himself.
---------------------------------- Well there it is.......hmm.........i sidetracked a little, but thats coz my life has been hectic and honestly i like this guy Ollie......but i have no idea how he feels about me.....and im too scared to say anything yet......but thats kinda all irrelevant.....but the next chapter should be up soon.......omg, im looking forward to seeing Ollie again this weekend. I wish i knew how to tell him, oh well, i think i'll put more concentration on this and then i should be able to get my mind off him for a little bit.
send ALL comments to eternal_nsync@yahoo.co.uk any bad stuff will most likely end up in da trash.