Disclaimer, you know the deal, no reading unless you are over the age limit of 21 or whateva it is that your country says it is! blah blah blah! This story does not imply that anyone ('Nsync or A1) mentioned here is gay blah blah, or that I know any of them personally blah blah....... I wish I did know them though, it wouldn't be all that bad.
these days have been full on. i'm losing it, and its just a matter of time before someone is gonna make me snap...i'm moody, annoyed and kinda depressed. you guys are lucky because you are the ppl i consolidate in. i release stress by knowing that some of you understand. i try my hardest to do the things i like, and this is one of them, writing. wanna know whats going on? u hafta read to find out won't u? and i want feedback on how Ollie is doing...is he getting on your nerves as to why he's here? well, i have something special planned. but not all of it is formed yet. and for the REAL Ollie in my life...
I LOVE YOU! i just wish you knew, i wish i could tell you, i wish i had the strength to tell you. i love you more with every passing day, and i'm losing more of myself with everyday. but someday, you'll get a phone call, a phone call saying that you'll never be seeing me again. or you'll turn up to school, and find out i'm gone. Those are the days i dread, but are slowly becoming more and more of my reality. i know its the cowards way out, but i don't think i can handle it for much longer. everything has already begun crumbling, i'm holding onto the one thing i hold important in my life...YOU. i make my life miserable by trying to brighten it. I try to find the courage to tell you, but Fate just isn't on my side. Maybe we werent meant to be together, maybe i've been tested, and i failed so you're my punishment. I wish things between us were better, i wish our friendship was more. But i guess you haven't noticed that sparkle in my eye whenever you're around, you haven't noticed my over-friendliness, and haven't picked up on my love...maybe it's best if i let you go, if i left your life forever, to let, the one thing that is holding my life together, go...i'm sorry...i truly am, but things havent seemed to work, for me anyway...my will to live is on a piece of string, ready to snap a any moment. I will treasure the last days of our friendship, i will treasure every moment i spent with you, i will treasure the love i had and still have, i will slowly work myself out of your life, until i am no longer existent, maybe it's for the best...for you to be happy i will do anything. Please don't give me enough reason to do all these things, it's hard enough now. I don't want to do any of them, but oneday you'll make a decision that will cause me to go through with it all, it'll be hard for me, but i'll do it, for the sake of YOU.
----------------------- Destiny's Decision
|Previously on Destiny's Decision|
As he recalled those memories from the depths of his mind, his emotions began to flow. A few tears escaped his eyes.
"Ollie..." Jason whispered, barely audible even to himself. -----------------------
Chapter 8
Justin's break was over, and it was time to once again prepare for their tour. Everytime they had to go on tour, they would all find it too difficult to get into routine. Sometimes it would be the fact that they had to leave family or friends behind, sometimes it was the amount of work thrown at them. All the while, Justin seemed to be the only one out of the five of them who didn't seem to mind going on this tour. Usually he was the last to prepare, last to get adjusted but also the first to think about having to say goodbye to everyone again. The only difference this time, was that Justin wasn't going to be lonely anymore, yes he had the other 4 guys, but he wanted more, and now that he had found Jason he was going to be happy no matter where he went on tour, as long as they could be together.
They spent everyday rehearsing to perfection, readying their voices for the long nights. They spent laborious hours practicing and getting into the dance routines again. Once they were reminded of each step, they remember it all as though it were the back of their hands. Everyday it seemed as though Jason had nothing to do, he had everything done and checked by lunch, and it seemed as though no-one had anything FOR him to do. Everyday he ended up either sitting down listening to the guys sing, or watching them being tortured by Fatima, who had just been recently assigned by Jive as their new choreographer.
The day came when the other group, they were touring, with was to arrive. None of them was told who it was, but Jason had a suspicion that it was going to be A1. He had seen the schedules, and heard people talking here and there.
"AAAARHHHHH!!!!!" Chris jumped up from his seat. He was tired of waiting, he had too much energy built up inside for him to be sitting around.
"Chris, just be patient will ya, we've only been here 10 minutes." Lance was always the one who kept the group in check during these occasions. He was infact not really shy, just that with his job came the consequences of not being able to entirely trust everyone.
"Why can't they just be early! I mean, we weren't even told WHO they were apart from we would know when they came out." Chris's complaining was quickly shutup when Lance and JC BOTH glared at him.
"Do you have any idea who it is Jase?" Justin had his head on Jason's shoulder, holding each other's hands. They were in a private waiting area, but there was still some people around. They were warned of being affectionate towards each other in public, but Lance assured them that the people around there wouldn't do anything drastic. Justin was practically falling asleep on Jason's shoulder.
"I think it's A1...but i'm not quite sure."
"A1?" Everyone but Justin seemed to ask at the same time.
"Hey, I've only heard of them a lil bit when I was in Australia, I can recognise them, but that doesn't mean i know alot about them."
"Any cute guys?" Justin asked, half asleep, half sarcastically.
"Yeah, I would say Ben is a cute one. Why? You J.E.A.L.O.U.S?" Jason gave Justin a little nudge.
"Why would I be, I'm the cutest guy in the world." Everyone rolled their eyes at Justin, who didn't even respond.
"I'm sure you are...I'm sure you are." Even Jason had to laugh at how big Justin's ego could be.
Jason looked around, watching people coming and going. Few people stayed long, and fewer people even sat down. He glanced around at the people sitting down, when he saw the person sitting almost directly opposite him. At first the stranger just smiled, probably at the couple, Jason smiled back, and then suddenly something caught his eye. He looked at the stranger's lips, and he saw a small, almost indistinguishable scar on his bottom right lip. Jason's memory was jolted by the scar, and he instictively looked up at the stranger's eyes. He looked into the deep brown eyes, and the stranger seemed to look back. Jason suddenly gasped, slightly jumping, sending Justin out of his nap.
"What? what...hmmm, what happened?" Justin was still sleepy, and had NO idea what just happened.
"Oh my God...It can't be." Jason was staring forward at something, and Justin had no idea what.
"What? what can't be? what are you talking about Jason."
"It's....It's....Ollie......" It was as if the stranger heard, because he got up and walked over to the couple and sat down in the seat infront of them. Jason wasn't staring much anymore, his eyes seemed to begin filling with tears as he looked at the person infront of him.
"I couldn't help but ask...but, um...Jason?"
"Ollie..." Jason nodded.
"How ya been? Its been ages since..." Ollie lost his words the moment he remembered that day, "since you left us."
"I know..." Jason just had nothing to say, he didn't know WHAT to say. The other guys were just sitting there and watching. Justin was still confused.
"I see you've found someone?"
"Yeah..." Jason seemed to lighten up a bit at the mention of Justin, "this is Justin...Justin this is Ollie." The two greeted each other with handshakes before sitting back down in their respective seats.
"Why did you leave?" Jason's head shot up the moment Ollie asked that.
"What?"
"You know what I mean...Why did you leave me? why did you leave us? you didn't say where you were going, or even give us a number to contact you...we thought, we thought you......" Ollie stutterred off into nothing.
"I told you why 3 years ago Ollie, i made it quite clear then what my reasons were." Jason refused to look Ollie in the eye.
"Yes, that you did, but I also made it quite clear that I loved you too. Wasn't that enough reason for you to stay? Wasn't that what you were looking for?"
"Yes it was, but you told me too late, my decision was decided, and I wasn't ready to change it because you decided to let me into your heart then. I spent 3 months crying myself to sleep because I knew that we would never be together. I spent those days fighting for everything that we shared, I had to fight for even the chance to talk to you, or even see you. I was in Hell during those 3 months."
"YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY ONE! I WENT THROUGH HELL AS WELL! Ever since the day you left, I couldn't stop thinking about you. I knew it was all my fault, and I wasn't blaming anyone but myself, but I couldn't understand why you could just walk away like that. How could you do something like that to all your friends?"
"They were never my friends Ollie...none of them were, I knew it the moment I saw their reaction from reading the letter."
"What about me? Was I ever your friend?"
"You were my friend, always was. But you were more, you could fill that void I had in my heart, you could bring ease to my pain by just being around. You could help me through the hardest blockades by being there." Joey and Chris had decided to give them some privacy and had walked away. JC and Lance remained, but they too were teary eyed.
"I remember that letter. It was so deep, I'm sorry I made fun of it. I just didn't know what to do when I read it. Everyone seemed to take it so bad, I didn't want them to know about me. I'm sorry." Ollie looked away, remembering those days...those days that were so clear still.
"Sorry.......there's that word again, used so much, but does anyone ever mean it? hardly," Jason looked up at Ollie questionally, "do YOU mean it?"
"Yes...I mean it."
"I hope you are, I truly hope you feel it in your heart. I was looking for a reaction from YOU, not the others...it was YOU, i didn't care what the others thought. It was YOUR reaction that made me make the decision."
The explantion seemed to stop at that, and it seemed as though the plane was timed to arrive at that moment as well. Body guards had made their way to the waiting area and was ready to escort them ALL to the limos. Introductions were brief, because they were all to meet in the studios anyway, to have a meeting. What caught Jason's eye was Ben, the moment Jason saw him he felt as though he knew him, just didn't know from where. Jason had made it his obligation to make himself known to A1's manager and left Justin and Ollie.
"Um...Justin right?" The emotions were finally getting to Ollie.
"Yeah..."
"I was wondering...if...um, i could get Jason's number...i really want to stay in contact with him..." Ollie handed Justin 2 cards, one with his number on it, the other blank.
"Yeah sure," Justin quickly jotted down Jason's number on the blank card and handed it to Ollie, "here."
"Thanx....i gotta head off now...it was nice meeting you." Ollie gave Justin a quick hug and walked over to where Jason was. "Jase? i'm gonna be heading off, it was nice chatting with ya, hope to see ya around." Ollie pulled Jason into a hug, Jason almost broke down...he had longed for that feeling for years, for someone to hold him, but he had Justin now. Just before pulling away, Ollie whispered something to Jason, "I'll always love you." He pulled away and walked off.
Management was always in a rush, they had been hurried to the studio, bombarded with things that they needed to do before the tour, and then bombarded with more stuff they didn't even need to know. Overall everyone was exhausted, some from the plane trip, some from sheer boredom.
All of A1 were dead tired from the trip, and NEEDED to adjust to time difference, so they decided to spend the rest of the day resting. Joey and Chris had other ideas though, they always seemed energetic and hyper, and suggested to go out for dinner and then head out to the clubs for the remainder of the night. JC joined them, Lance refused because he had to get some things sorted out for Free Lance, Jason and Justin also refused, saying that they were too tired.
They spent the night at Justin's place. Justin was worried about Jason and his moping during that day. Ever since they met Ollie, Jason was zoned out or thinking. It was as if a whole new Jason had emerged, and the old one gone. Justin wanted to help, but he didn't know how, and then he suddenly remembered the card Ollie had given him.
"Jason...here." Justin stuck the card into Jason's hands and began walking to his room.
"What's this?"
"A number...just call it."
"HUH? why?"
"Just call it ok. Talk to him and discuss everything. I'll be in my room, tell me when you're done." With that Justin walked off, leaving Jason behind with Ollie's number. Jason was debating over whether or not he should call. His heart won in the end, and he picked up the phone. After a few rings he decided that no-one was home, but just as he was about to hang up, someone picked it up.
"Hello, Oliver speaking."
"Ollie...it's Jason."
Oh i'm a bastard! hehe, i know what you think! sorry, but i couldn't type anymore...i just had a writers block, and i have NO idea how to continue....maybe in a day or so. Gotta get my emotions in control....TOO much to think about and TOO little time.
next chapter shouldn't take TOO long. hehe, sorry if this one was kinda disappointing.