CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE - A House Is Not A Home
Eddie took it easy for a while, what with his foot and all that, and I took on this more or less a domestic thing, a dame wantin' to check up on her husband, maybe cheatin' on her or somethin'. Fairly routine stuff. She gave me a photo of him, gave me his car's license plate number, and on and on. Okay, shouldn't be a big thing. I followed him around town for a while, and sure as shootin' there he was wth his lady love. I was gonna just show them to her and all that, but I just thought it might be fun to go face to face with him, catch 'im in the act, if you will.
EDDIE - Man, what a bad time for me. My ankle's all messed up 'cuz of that stupid trap, and come to find out Mike's got a cheater to go after. I begged Mike to let me go on the case with him, I wanted to pound this guy. He asks why it's such a big deal for me and I tell him my dad cheated on my mom, if he remembers.
Yeah, he was pretty ripped up about the whole thing. He got all excited when I tell him I got a cheater to go after and he says, "aw, man, I gotta work this one with ya, I'll tear 'im apart myself when we get this guy." I put my hands up and said, "whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on there, boy, you're gettin' to into this." "Well, what's not to get into? My dad cheated on my mom, if ya remember, and I've never liked cheaters ever since. It's wrong and they gotta pay for that. My dad screwed around on my mom for years, then he takes off, then he goes nuts, comes back to snatch me up and......." Then he starts poundin' a wall, sayin' "Jesus, Jesus, Jesus!"
I realize this kid's all broken up, he can only see his dad in everything. Can't blame him, though, 'cuz stuff like this leaves ya scarred and all. As he's facin' the wall, I put my hand on his shoulder, rubbin' it a little. Then I move my hand down to his arm, and put the other hand on his back, rubbin' that, too. When you love somebody as much as I do Eddie, ya hate to see them go through anything. Aside from touchin' him, I wanted to say somethin' along with that. "Yeah, but this guy's not your dad, I'm sure he's not up to all of them awful things your dad did. He's not gonna kill his kids or nothin'. He's just out gettin' himself some nookie and he shouldn't 'cuz he's got a ball and chain waitin' for 'im, and she's payin' me to expose him, that's all. This ain't like any of the others we been on. Just a little fun thing here. Besides, your foot's all messed up and what if there's gonna be some runnin'.........." And then the idea hits me, "Holy Red Foley I've got it!" Eddie said, "what? What's up?" I got a way to get this guy, get some photos, and all that, and you're gonna help me." Eddie brightened up, he just loves goin' on these things. He got all enthusiastic, "oh, yeah? What do I do?"
We camp out in front of this loser's house and watch 'im take off. He goes to the bank, and other places. kinda boring to mention, but he's just out runnin' errands, then he pulls up to this motel. "Hoo-boy, I think this is gonna be it. Ya ready?" "Yeah, boss-man, I sure am." I asn't sure he'd go for this idea I had, but he seems to be. I'll tell ya about it in a couple of paragraphs. Now, be patient.
Me and Eddie watch the guy go into the main office, followed by this dame who pulls up in a really smokin' VW Beetle, painted red, a real shiny red set of wheels. I thought, "Holy Joy, you can see yourself in it". Eddie bangs his fist into his hand and rubs it, anxiously, "Holy French Quarter. That car's a perfect color for her. The guy must be payin' her." "Now, now, that's not really our concern here, we just gotta get some snaps so his wife can shove it in his face later on. The girl's not our problem." We spot the two of them headin' up to a room, I whip out the bino's so I can see the number. It's a little blurry, but Eddie was watchin' too and saw them enter the 5th room away from the check-in office. I give 'em a few minutes and I sneak around to check the room number. Well, d-uh, it's room number 5. Well, I mean, ya gotta be sure about these things. I told Eddie about it and the two of us laugh. "Oh, ya got your crutch there?" "Yeah, it's in the back seat." "Well, partner, let's roll." We get to the office and I tell the clerk I gotta get to room 5. He tells me it's been booked already and I say, "yeah, no, shit", then whip out the old I.D. "This is why I gotta get into room 5. There's a lonely wife sittin' at home waitin' for this jerk." The clerk gives me a spare key which I don't really use because of this little sting I got goin'. It involves Eddie's crutch.
So we walk up and knock on the door, no one answers at first, then I call out, "uh, Mr. Smith" (I love it when they sign in like that) "It's Perkins from House Beautiful Magazine. I'm supposed to take photos of your spread." Smith comes to the door, "what's all this about a house beautiful? This isn't my house." Of course I play dumb, hopin' he is, too. "Oh well, this is the address I was given, 56 Buehrle St., apartment 5, right?" "I don't know who gave you this information, but this is a motel, I'm kinda here with someone, ya know?" Yeah, I knew, you ain't tellin' me nothin' I ain't heard before. "Well, anyway, I'm Perkins, and this is my photographer, Leigh." Eddie extends his free hand, "nice to meet you, sir, congratulations." "For what?" "Your house has been selected as the most beautiful on this street and you're gonna be put in a magazine." Eddie starts snappin' photos right away. "Hey, wait, what right do you have here, I'm gonna call the cops." Eddie speaks up, "I must tell you this is our constitutional right to feature a beautiful house in our magazine, I mean, I may be just a dumb shutterbug, but I know the business pretty good, now say cheese." I loved what the kid was doin', but I had to cover up. "Uh, ya gotta excuse this guy, see, he had a really bad car accident, really messin' up his head. He used to be a...a, uh, what do ya call that when someone's not movin' from the neck down?" "Quadraplegic" "Yeah, that's gotta be it, somethin' with a 4 in it, I remember. Ya can't move all 4's, get it?" Just then his lover comes out wearin' nothin' but a towel. This don't do nothin' for me, 'cuz it's the guy I want in a towel, more or less, but she starts askin' questions, and all that. Eddie snaps a few of her. I go on explainin', "yeah, well, ya see, he's tryin' to put his life back together, so I take him on a few cases." "A few cases?" Forgettin' myself, I suddenly remember, "these contest things, ya know, I call 'em cases, too many cop shows on t.v., I think." Girlfriend excuses herself to go get dressed, and me and Eddie explore the rest of the place, snappin' away. He remarks, "wow this sure is a small little place ya got here." "May I remind you this is a motel room, someone gave you the wrong information." Just then, his lady love appears, "no, honey, someone gave US the wrong information." We turn to her and see she's armed. Her lover introduces us, "this lady you see here before you is Officer Bridget Sedgwick and I think you're under arrest for home invasion." Eddie pipes in, "but you said this wasn't a home, it was a motel room." "Be quiet and keep still, I've got you covered with my tasers." "Go ahead, let 'em have it." "With pleasure" and we're hit with these needles loaded with electricity, and we go down. "These are probes loaded with 50,000 volts of electricity, that should keep you still for a few minutes. Come on, let's get the hell out of here." Then she makes off with our camera while we're shakin' on the floor. "I - I heard about these things, we should be all right in a minute. Too bad they got away with the film." "On top of this, she's a lady cop! A cop did this to us." After the shocks wear off, we sit up, pickin' the needles out of us. They didn't stick us too bad, just a little pinprick, but it was that juice that really got us. "Boy, they really got us, and the evidence" Eddie nods in agreement, and looks around the room for a second, then focuses on somethin' from the ceiling. "or DID they!" He nudges my rib to get my attention and points up. Big smiles came to our faces when we spotted a security camera in one of the corners. "Good work, kid", I say. "Hoo-boy, not only did we get this crumb with cheatin', but we got them for dartin' us." Eddie thinks a second and says, "uh, wait a second, now she was a lady cop and we did get in the room under false pretenses. They could nail us for breakin' and enterin'. " "My God, you're right. But when we explain what was goin' on, I think that should clear this up. She had to have been off-duty. We'll get the times of this and call the blue boys and see what her schedule was. If she's off duty, we could get her for abuse of power." "It's worth a shot, anyway, let's go. You feelin' okay?" "Yeah, it wore off, how 'bout you?" "Well the rest of me is all right, but that thing didn't do nothin' for my foot." "Well, you're no worse off than you was when ya came in here, that's the good thing."
The long and the short of it, we got the taped footage, found out this bird was off-duty and her little arrest didn't mean nothin' about us, and the stiff's poor wife saw everything. She was busted for assault with a deadly weapon off-duty and suspended pending her conviction, if there was one. All told, the most important thing was this gal had her proof and could really clean him out in divorce court, OR, take him back and make his life a living hell, whichever way ya wanna go.