CHAPTER THIRTY FOUR - The Passion of the Boy
EDDIE - I was probably dreaming. It's one of those things where you're asleep and then you start wakin' up without knowin' it. Ya start to hear some sounds that either you're dreamin' or wakin' up - I wasn't sure. Anyways, my eyes were still closed and I hear two guys talkin'. "How long ago was the boy shot?" "27 minutes and 30 seconds ago." "Very good. That means the drugged arrow will wear off at any moment." Shot? Drugged? They must've been talkin' about me. I'm a boy and I was shot with an arrow. Then I open my eyes, thinkin' they must've drugged me and took me somewhere. I'll just throw a few punches and get myself outta this. I couldn't move my arms. Holy crap, they were tied down. I thought they were just rope and I could break away from this, but I discovered to my horror that my arms were spread out. I look to my left and see my hand cuffed to some pole, then I see the other one was, too. I turned my head back and forth a couple of times, just tryin' to get the jist of it. I gritted my teeth and tried to pull away, but it was no use. My wrists were gettin' sorer. I grimaced in pain. I yanked at it so tightly all my muscles were contractin' and my veins were poppin' out. I was cuffed to some pole goin' back and forth. I muttered "holy crucifixion". Then one of the guys says to me, "nice metaphor, for that is exactly what's happening to you." I snarled at him, "you filthy fiend. What have you done to me?" "Edward Robinson, please allow me to introduce myself." I got smart alecky with him, "let me guess, you're a man of wealth and fame." He laughed at that, sayin' "well, I am very well-to-do. When I gave my life to the Lord, He has blessed me in abundance." "The Lord? You mean Jesus Christ?" "Ah, so you've heard of him. Very good. You see, you were brought here in order that you may be saved. You are impure and you need to be cleansed." Now that really got my dander up. "Listen, you, I am as pure as the driven snow. I never hooked school, I never drank, never did drugs, I never curse, I never did anything illegal. My body is in tip-top physical shape, and I'm a crimefighter, always at my boss's side. I am the All-American Boy." "It's not the crimefighting that has us concerned. Jesus says He's unhappy with the sexual nature of your partnership with a Mr. John-Michael Batzinger." "The man's name is Batz, Mike Batz, and he's my first and only lover. There's nothing impure about our love. If this country didn't hate men like us so much, we'd be allowed to marry, and we would be by now." "You say you never did anything illegal, yet you are guilty of several, if not hundreds of counts of murder." "Where do you get that? I never killed no one in my life." "Ah but you have. The many drops of sperm you have wasted in satisfaction of your so-called boss could have been utilized in the procreation of children. You have, indirectly, performed many abortions in this manner." "Hey wait a minute, abortion is legal in this country." "Not when we're through, it won't be."
Holy 700-Club, this guy's a born-again. "Why do you have me all tied up like this?" "It is the will of Christ that all of his followers must walk the path he walked in order to achieve the salvation He has promised all of us. Now you must take the next step in order to cleanse your soul. Tell me, Mr. Robinson, when you cleanse a bathroom sink or a tub or something, what is the catalyst of such cleanliness." Thinking for a second, I guessed, "water?" "Precisely. Now, for the cleansing of the soul, the same principle applies. You hold in your possession the catalyst for the cleansing of your soul, which is tears." "what are you gettin' at?" "In order to rid yourself of the sin inside you, you must weep. Your tears will wash your mind, body, and spirit clean. You do need some assistance in this matter, which I have provided." He steps back and reaches behind him, brandishin' a whip. I get really scared, my mouth starts shakin', my eyes pop wide open. "C-cat-o-nine-tails?" "Exactly. To induce your spiritual surrender you will be given 39 lashes with this weapon. Tell me, Mr. Robinson, what is 39 multiplied by 9?" "351". "Correct. Now, tell me, how desirable will Mr. Batzinger find you with 351 scars on your back?" I start shakin', breathin' really fast. I've never been so scared in my life. Now this maniac's gonna beat the hell outta me to get me to cry. "You can do anything you like. I'll never cry in front of you, or anyone!" "You say that now." He walks over and stands behind me, first rubbin' the whip real gentle like against my back. I'm bracin' myself for this. "Goo Goo ga Goob, Mr. Robinson - Jesus loves you more than you will know." CRACK I let out an ear-piercin' scream. That one lash just tore right into me, I feel somethin' warm and wet go down my back. I'm bleedin'. CRACK I feel like I got hit by a bus that keeps backin' up and slammin' me again, and again. I start countin', thinkin' I'll get this overwith and get through this. I'm in so much pain I lose count. CRACK! CRACK! CRACK! I'm moanin, I'm beggin' this guy to stop, I'm screamin', but I ain't cryin'. He'll never see one drop fall from my eye. I'd rather shed all 4 pints of blood than one single tear. I'd never give this lowlife the satisfaction. This maniac fianlly finishes me off, then comes around to check on his work, so they say. "Not a drop. I don't understand." "Oh, I do. I'm here to fight crime. There's no cryin' in crimefightin', you cretin. A hero takes his lumps as a paltry price to pay for bringin' beastly blowhards like you to justice." "An amazing aptitude at alliteration, Mr. Robinson, it makes you sound like the most macho man. However, I see we must pursue a more punitive ploy of persuasion." Then he goes away, just leavin' me there. It was a funny thing how he knew the lingo. Only crimefighters know how to talk like that. It was real disturbin' to me. Real disturbin'.
MEANWHILE, AT THE HOSPITAL, AS MIKE REBOUNDS FROM HIS ATTACK, BOBBY SHOWS UP WITH SOME EVIDENCE THAT'LL HELP HIM GET HIS EDDIE BACK.
MIKE - HA! That arrow job was nothin' - I'm still around and I'm gettin' the heck outta here first chance I get. The guy from the gym shows up. "Hey, how ya doin', Mr. Batz?" "Good", I said, wonderin' what this kid was doin' here. "I got somethin' here ya might use to find Eddie. We got security videos at the gym, some inside, some at the parkin' lot." He went through some pics he snapped from the tapes. "Good boy" I thought. "Now this one shows the kidnapper's car and his plate. It's kinda blurry, but you at least know what the car looks like." Lookin' over the pics, I says, "I got somethin' at the office what can, whaddya call, make the numbers clearer. I'm gettin' outta here today, I'll check this out when I get back there." "I wanna come with ya". "Huh?" "Yeah, I like you and Eddie, you're a couple of swell guys and I wanna do ev'rything I can to help you guys out." "Look, kid, this is really great of you, and all, but you don't know what you're walkin' into here, and..." "Didn't ya say the same to Eddie at one time?" "well, yeah, but we..." "I know I'm a little younger than 'im, but I can still sit in for 'im til we get 'im back. I thought about all ya told me back at the gym. I know I can't be a hero just yet, that's gonna take a while, but like Eddie says, greatest thing ever to be a boy sidekick." "Hold on, there, me and Eddie's got somethin' goin', and..." "Yeah, I know, that's what I wanna help ya get back. You're a man who needs a boy, I'm a boy who needs a man, but this'll be just a for-now thing, yeah?" "What'll ya do when we get Eddie back?" "That's up to God to know and me to find out, but I know I can be a sidekick, I just know it."
I look this kid in the eye - he's got this look like he really wants to fight the bad guys. I can see this straight through to the back of his head. He's one of us, all right, I think he can pull this off, but I gotta ask 'im a couple things, there. "Talk to me about punches." "Ya gotta throw a good one and really know how to take one and bounce back." "Good. Bullets." "Dodge 'em if ya can, but ya gotta get hit with 'em too if you're both gonna survive. It's all part of the game." "Got a tee-shirt under that jacket?" He takes his jacket off and I look 'im over. Nice stuff. No tats, shirt's got quarter sleeves, bulgin' bi-ceps at the ready. I rub my fingers up and down his arms, smooth and hard at the same time, just like my boy. Yeah, he's gonna do, okay. I forget myself and start puttin' my hands under his smooth, silky, cotton sleeves, I draw closer, the kid starts breathin' a lot. I think I'm scarin' him, but the look on his face says it all, he's goin' for it. He takes hold of my arms and we're lookin' at each other, gonna plant one on each other, then he says, "Mr. Batz - I wanna fill in for Eddie, just to get him back, but he's the one who belongs to ya - I don't wanna mess with that. You are one of the hottest dicks out there and don't think I don't wanna mess with that. Eddie'd be way too hurt." "You're right. I'm sorry I lapsed like that, it's just that you're so damn..." then the kid cuts me off by puttin' his fingers on my mouth. "...and so are you, but we gotta think of Eddie. He's your life. I gotta find a hero of my own and be his whole life." God I love this kid's integrity. Pure as the driven snow, just like my boy. God, if I was alone right now, I...HOO-BOY! But he's right. I say to him, I says, "whaddya say we just kiss once, get it outta the system." "I dunno" "It's the only way, Bobby." "I'm sorry, I'll do anything, but Eddie really loves you. Ya gotta be with him, please don't cheat on him, Mike." The kid starts cryin', "even if I ain't around, I don't wanna know about you bein' with no one else, man. I love you both and I don't wanna do nothin' to ya. He's goin' through enough right now with those maniacs, and...I just don't wanna..." He cries on my shoulder, "don't do this to 'im. Let's not do this to 'im." I was so happy. Joy shot right through my whole body. I felt like I was on fire. This kid was hot, way hot, and he coulda been mine, but he loved me and Eddie's bein' together more than anything. Holy sacrifice bunt. I lifted his head up and wiped his tears away. "Ya know what? You're all right. Let's go bust these bozo's balls." "Right you are." And we were off. Clear up that license plate picture and go on a manhunt to beat all. I hate the guy that's doin' this, but I'm gonna feel real sorry for 'im when I get 'im. Real sorry.
EDDIE - A part of me's too mad to be scared. That's a good thing. Keep up the fight and the might and I'll be all right. I can take anything this maniac's gonna throw in my face. He don't know what he's up against. I may be chained to this rig and all, but I won't be forever. I hate this guy, but I'm gonna feel real sorry for 'im when I'm done with 'im. Real sorry. I hear footsteps. Here we go, another round of this. "Eddie?" Wait a second, sounds like Mike. Holy cats! He found me! All right! "Eddie, ya there?" "Yeah, Mike, over here, some psycho's got me all cuffed up like to this thing. Get me outta here, let's go bust this bozo." It's Mike all right, but he's just standin' there. "Gee, got ya all tied up here, huh?" "Yeah, but you can break me loose, like ya always did. We gotta get goin', we ain't got much time." He's shakin' his head no. What's goin' on here? "I ain't got much time, but you do." "Whaddya mean?" "I can't let ya outta there, I gotta cut ya loose." "Still ain't gettin' ya." "It's the end of the line, kid. It's over between us. I was kickin' this guy's head in and he stops and says to me, he says, 'you love this boy?' And I says, 'yeah, 'course I do'. 'Ya love 'im enough to set 'im free?' I'm goin' 'that's what I'm tryin' to do here, ya moron (laughin')'. 'No', he says, 'the kid's been livin' in a bad way with you. He's gotta get a better life. I'll let ya have Dickie Biggs back if you gimme Eddie.' He says ya gotta be saved and all that, so I couldn't argue with that, ya know?" "Wait, hold on there, what are ya sayin'? You're droppin' me? After ev'rything we been through?" "I'd keep it up if it was right, but it ain't." "Oh, God!" This is too much for me, I gotta be hearin' things. "Mike, PLEASE, he's just messin' with ya, you're too smart to get into all that. Mike, PLEASE!" "I'm sorry kid, I'm real sorry, but we both gotta move on, huh? Ya knew this couldn't last forever." "NO! Oh, GOD, think of what you're doin'! MIKE!" I'm sobbin' up a storm, I can't believe what I'm hearin'. The Boss-Man, the only man I've ever loved is walkin' away from me, leavin' me here to stay locked up. This is more than I can take. Ev'rything else I suffered before ain't nothin' compared to this. "MIKE! Where ya goin'! Don't go away!" "Well, be seein' ya, kiddo." "MIKE! MI-I-I-KE!" All I can do is just scream, tears are runnin' down my face like nothin' else. I can't stop sobbin'. My heart's poundin'. I feel nothin' but pain inside. I don't even feel nothin' on my back, not that beatin' I took. Nothin'. I'm breathin' in real deep so I can let it all out, "MIKE COME BACK HERE PLEASE! I AIN'T GOT NOTHIN' WITHOUT YA! NOTHIN'!" I'm exhausted, hangin' my head down, bawlin'. This is a pain ya can't scream away, nothin' can heal it. It's like I'm dead or somethin'. My creepy connivin' captor comes back, probably to taunt me some more. "I heard what you said, young Edward, but you are wrong. You think you have nothing, but you've just opened the door to everything." "What are you talkin' about?" "Do you feel a little button behind your hands?" I feel around a bit, yeah, there's somethin' there, all right. "It's a switch. Flick it with your fingers." I do, and the cuffs open up - for both hands. I'm amazed. "You see, young Edward, you've always had the power to set yourself free, and now you have. Extend your arms out this way and come here to me." So, I take a couple of steps, with my hands out to this guy, I can't believe what I'm doin'. I'm fallin' down, I'm so weak. My knees give. He catches me and takes me in his arms, strokin' my hair. "No, only Mike does that." "Incorrect. Only Mike DID that. But he's not the only one. You're about to have the love affair of your life. Jesus Christ is the only man for you now, and I'll personally introduce you to Him." "So you are gonna kill me? Not that it matters. I don't wanna live now, anyway." "No, don't be silly. I only killed the sin. I made room for Christ to come into your soul. If you ask Him to, that is. He's the only man who can comfort you as you need." "What did you say to Mike?" "The only thing I ever tell anyone, young Edward, the truth. You now have a new, uh, hero to be a sidekick to, do whatever He tells you to." "Wait, how do I know what He's tellin' me? He's not around here." "He issues His commands through me. Years ago, I asked Him to let me be an instrument of His love, and so it is and so it shall be. Now, I'll let you rest a bit here, before we move on to your new life. There's an awful lot of things to be done and you need your strength. Rest easy, my son, rest easy."
SUFFERIN' SAMARITANS! WHAT'S GOING ON HERE? THE DASHING DETECTIVE AND EDDIE BREAKING UP? EDDIE ABOUT TO SPEND THE REST OF HIS LIFE WITH A RELIGIOUS FANATIC? AND HOW DID THIS GUY LEARN HOW TO SPEAK IN ALLITERATIONS?
WILL BOBBY REED BE THE NEW BOY FRIDAY? BATZ CERTAINLY DIDN'T SEEM TO MIND THE IDEA! WAS BOBBY IN ON THIS?
YOU HAVE TO ADMIT IT LOOKS AWFULLY FISHY - BOBBY SO CONVENIENTLY COMING INTO THE PICTURE, AND WHO KNOWS WHO ELSE HE'S COMING INTO!
JUST WAIT FOR THE NEXT CHAPTER, IF YOU'RE BRAVE ENOUGH!