SEVERAL DAYS HAVE GONE BY SINCE EDDIE'S BAPTISM BY HIS OWN TEARS. MIKE AND BOBBY HAVE BEEN COMBING THE CITY ALL THIS TIME, TURNING UP NOTHING. NO TRACE OF THE CAR SHOWN IN THE SECURITY VIDEOS. MIKE IS BESIDE HIMSELF. BOBBY IS TRYING EVERYTHING HE CAN DO TO BE THERE FOR HIS TEMPORARY BOSS-MAN. IT'S NOW THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, AND MIKE HAS NO IDEA WHAT TO DO NEXT, OTHER THAN SIP A BIT OF SCOTCH AND JUST STARE OUT HIS FRONT WINDOW, COMPLETE WITH MINI-BLINDS THAT BETRAY A SHAFT OF MOONLIGHT.
Middle of the night - 3 am to be exact - I ain't even been to bed. I never knew just what a good thing it is to not be able to sleep sometimes. Middle of the night - so peaceful, so beautiful, so quiet - it's as if all the problems of the world go to sleep just like we do. It's a truce. Both sides retreat and face each other again at sun-up. Yeah, a duel in the sun. Lookin' out this window - this town sure is gettin' a few winks for a city people say never sleeps. I know my Eddie's out there somewhere, just don't know what he's doin', or what's bein' done to 'im. I hate to think of it. As I look out, ev'ry mem'ry of the boy comes right back at me, as if in 3-d. The day he saved my life in that alley and told me he wanted to join me. The first time we made love. The rescues we made, how he leaped right into action just like the hero he wanted to be. He made me a better man, much better than I woulda been had I just went on by myself like I'd been doin' all these years. Better to have loved and lost, then.....naw, strike that from the record. Better to have loved and misplaced for the time bein'....That's all it is. Eddie's just missin' for now. He'll be back. "Wherever you are, wherever that son-of-a-bitch is hidin' ya, I'll find ya. I find ev'ryone I look for and you ain't no exception, Eddie Robinson, ya ain't no friggin' exception, ya HEAR ME? I don't care what nobody did to ya, I'll undo it. They can run with ya, but they can't hide ya. You beautiful, buff behemoth ya can't get away from me that easily!" Holy geez, here I am cryin' now. But I can't help it. I feel like I'm trapped inside, all I can do is keep poundin' at this window. Eddie's out there and I'm in here. I start poundin' and shoutin' "Eddie! EDDIE! Where the hell are ya!" I keep poundin' til my fist goes right through the glass. Aw. holy cow, blood on my hands. I had some folks' blood on my hands before, but never my own. "Mike! What happened?" "Wha - -? Oh, Bobby, I'm sorry, I didn't mean that. I thought about Eddie bein' out there helpless, can't get back to me, I can't get back to him. We've been looking for this sicko's car all week. I'm really losin' hope. Added to that, the guy I'm s'posed to be trailin' ain't nowhere to be found, neither." "Dickie Biggs?" "Yeah, in all this madness, I kinda forgot about him, ya know?" Bobby suddenly tenses up, rubs his fist in his hand and whispers, "gosh - why didn't I think about that before?" "Mike, back to the gym, the videos, they probably taped Dickie Biggs's kidnappin'. Same maniacs might've done it. We find him, we find Eddie!" I graps both his arms and shout out, "good BOY, Bobby"....then the moment kinda fizzles out. "But we can't find Eddie. We can't find him, we can't find Dickie Biggs." I take another drink of scotch, which Bobby then slaps outta my hand. "Now you listen and listen good -we gotta keep it up. We gotta keep up the search. You call yourself a detective, you detect things, you detect where they're at, ya got me? And I'm a boy lookin' for a really good bust-up, I wanna bust some bad-guy balls and you gotta lead me to 'em, ya got it? Eddie's cryin' out for ya, Dickie Biggs wants to get back in front of the cameras and whoever hired you has got your fee burnin' a hole in his pocket, ya got it?" I leap up right at this kid, grab him by his crew neck and get right in his face, "Now YOU listen, ya little shit-bag! You don't ever talk to me like that again! No one's ever talked to me like that in my life, not even Eddie. I hear one more word outta your sorry little ass and...." Hoo-boy, now I've done it. Bobby's lookin' at me, I look at him. I lean closer and closer to his face, his mouth, his soft supple, silky lips. I lean closer. "Mike, we shouldn't." I kiss him. "I know" He kisses me. "It's wrong." I kiss him back. "I don't care." He kisses me. We kiss each other several times. "You're a good sidekick, you do anything I ask ya to." "Absolutely" "Then turn around". Bobby undoes his belt, opens his pants and drops 'em. God, his buttocks are so firm, so round, so solid, it's gonna feel real good goin' in there. I poke at it slightly, gently, so as not to hurt 'im or nothin'. He doesn't mind. He moans a little, but he's diggin' it. I'm diggin' it, too. I'm diggin' in. He moans pleasurably. He don't say a word, he ain't gotta. One moan spells a thousand pictures. My flesh rubbin' in his. He's so warm, so solid, so beautiful. I close my eyes while I'm in the act, really gettin' into it. I call his name out. "Aw, Eddie, Eddie...." Oh, my GOD! I stop right there, whip it right out and turn away from Bobby, I'm so embarrassed, I feel so awful, God, I'm ripped up inside. It's as if I boinked myself in the butt instead. "Aw, Jesus, Bobby, I'm sorry, I really am... I just..." I don't get enough time to get my spiel out. I really hurt this kid and all he wanted to do was help me get my Eddie back. "It's okay. I know you miss him. I know you miss the sex. If I had a hero and I was taken away, he should miss me half as much as you miss him, and I'd be the happiest boy on the planet. None of us planned this, I got up because I thought somethin' happened to ya, and you're devastated. I shouted at you like I did because I thought it'd snap you out of your stupor. This was an accident and I won't say nothin' if you don't. You gotta get in that car, hit those streets and find those two hunk-a-ramas, and I'd be proud to play any part I can in that. You're a good guy - you do good stuff. Just like Eddie, I got a crush on you a couple of years ago. I couldn't believe my eyes when the two of you started showin' up at the gym - all right, yeah, to snoop around about Dickie Biggs, but you were there none the same. So, whaddya say, Boss-Man, is this Boy Friday goin' out on a ride with you, or what?" "To the gym, we got some videos to pick up." "Gotta warn ya, our late fees are a bitch." I started laughin'. He did, too. We hugged, no, make that SQUEEZED each other. "Oh, Bobby, you are a good one. I'm gonna feel real good for the hero that gets you. Real good."
We get to the gym, Bobby had the keys to ev'rything, turnin' off the alarm, goin' over to the security tape room. He asked me when I heard about Dickie's disappearance, which was about a week ago by now. So he grabs some tapes from the week before. We study all of 'em, fast-forwardin' and that. It took pretty much the whole day, all the while worryin' that that's one more day Eddie's out there, possibly in danger. I'm goin' through my stack when suddenly, "HOLY MACKEREL THIS IS IT!" I leap up and run over to his monitors and see the whole thing. They got Dickie Biggs the same way they got Eddie. "Broad freakin' daylight, too!" "To the streets!" and the two of us set about another search. We're drivin' a couple of blocks when suddenly we get cut off. Some jerk runnin' his red light, nearly crashin' into us. But he didn't. Still, I honked the horn and shouted, "watch where the hell you're goin', ya guttersnipe." He yells back, "God be with you and have a nice day." and tears off. "THAT'S THE CAR! FOLLOW THEM!" Bobby yells, and we tear right off after him. Holy tailgatin', I'm gonna make this guy's life a livin' hell, that's what I'm gonna do." We follow this crumb right up to this house they're livin' in. They park and get out, we leap right out and grab 'em and start wailin' on 'em. The guy I'm pummelin' says, "What the hell are you doing? All we did was cut you off." I grab his neck and get right in his face. "That's not all ya did. Ya kidnapped Dickie Biggs, ya kidnapped Eddie Robinson. You tell me where they're at or I swear I'll kill ya, YA GOT THAT? I'M GONNA BREAK YOUR MOTHERFUCKIN' NECK, YA COCKSUCKER!" Bobby tried to get my attention, so I look up at him and notice he's bein' held at gunpoint, hands up. "Aw, holy geez, they got ya." And I got the barrel of an AK-47 at my back. They got me, too.
They take us inside to meet the lynchpin of all this mess. "Well, now, Mr. Batzinger. To what do we owe the privilege of your visit? And who is your handsome friend?" "Hey, for starters, the name's BATZ B-A-T-Z. I don't know where ya get this crap from." "It is your given Christian name, is it not?" "Yeah? So?" This guy keeps starin' at me and smilin'. Aw, crap, another one. Yeah, I know people dig me and all, but sometimes it gets a little creepy, ya know what I'm sayin'? He finally opens his yap. "Ah, so many years. You know you've really come up in the world." "Do I know you from somewhere?" He chuckles and motions for one of his minions to bring some steamer trunk out and he starts puttin' on some other clothes. "Good night nurse, it's Cher", I think to myself. Anyways, he puts on a hat, sunglasses, a trenchcoat and stares me right in the face. I was aghast. I couldn't believe my eyes. It was my hero. I was his sidekick. "Holy moses! It can't be! You're the Trenchcoat Detective" "In the flesh" "Good God, what the hell happened to ya! You leave me a note tellin' me it's all over and you just disappear on me. What's the deal here?" "All right, all witticisms aside. I was never very communicative with you when we were partners." "I should say not. You just barked orders at me, gestured at me, that sorta thing. Ya hardly ever did gimme the time of day." "Well, in those times, I had a lot to think about. The way of life we had was starting to bother me. I felt I couldn't live with it much longer. I had not only felt guilty about capitalizing on the misfortunes of others, I was also very guilty about our relationship." "Ya never did say ya loved me or nothin', but you were really good. Damn good, in fact." "As I started to feel more and more like I needed something else in life, I embraced Christianity and took it upon myself to save others who were leading similarly destructive lives." "Porno stars, too, I take it." "Exactly. Your star's real name is George Richard Binghamton, but he insisted on calling himself, oh, Dickey Biggs, is it?" "Yeah, that's the one. Ya felt he needed savin'?" "Yes, the same would apply to young Edward as well." "Now, wait a minute there, Eddie and me is all right." "So you think, so you both think. And George-Richard also thought he was all right. But none of you are." "Why didn't ya kidnap me, too?" "I'm afraid you're beyond redemption, Michael. I had to detach from you with love. No, you're sins are much too big for my help. You have absolutely no hope of redemption until you yourself beg your God for his grace when you're at death's door. Why do you think you've survived all of the attempts on your life, while poor Edward suffered the brunt of it all?" "Cuz he's a good boy. He's my sidekick." "After you've seen what Edward has become as a result of my tutelage, I'm sure you'll change your tune." My ex-boss, my former hero, picks up a walkie talkie and calls Eddie, "Edward?" "Yes, father" Bobby nudges me and says "yes, father?" then looks back at my ex-boss. "Come into the sitting room, I'd like you to meet some acquaintances of mine." "Yes, father, right away." "I think you'll be pleased with what you see." I was NOT! Eddie's hair was slicked down, parted on the left side, and it was growin' a little. He had on somebody's Sunday best - black patent leather shoes, pleated pants, a long-sleeved white shirt and tie with a yellow vest over it. "Edward, you remember Mr. Batzinger." He stuck out his hand to shake mine, "ah, yes, how are you. It's a pleasure to see you again. How have you been?" "Um, that'll do, Edward. You have your duties to attend to." "Yes, father". He clicked his heels and turned and walked out of the room, real military-like. Bobby was stunned. I was enraged, my blood was boilin'. "You sick freak. What the hell have you done?" "I have merely shown him the error of his ways and he has turned himself around. He's a wonderful young man. He will go on to do great things." Bobby chimed in, "you run a cult or somethin'" "And that will be the last word spoken by you in my home, young man. As a matter of fact, the two of you may leave this instant. You are disturbing us. We have a trip to make tomorrow and we must carry out our travel arrangements on the double." "Yeah? Where the hell ya goin' now?" "I thought you'd like to know. At precisely 6 am, Edward, George-Richard, myself and my associates will be on a plane to East Africa to provide aid and comfort to the less fortunate. You will never see your young Edward again, and there's nothing you can do about it." Lookin' at Bobby, he says, "Dear me, you certainly don't waste any time, now, do you. I think he'll fit in with your plans just fine. He seems to be your type. My God, you always did fancy the vapid gym-nuts, didn't you? Now, enough of these pleasantries, you will please exit my home with your hands up. My associates will escort you to your car. It's better if you leave this instant before I have you both executed. Good day." So, me and Bobby reach for the sky and walk out, sayin' nothin' while these goons were pokin' at us. We finally get to the car and start drivin' off. Bobby says to me, "so what's next?"
WHAT'S NEXT IS RIGHT! EDDIE AND DICKIE BIGGS BEING DRAGGED OFF TO AFRICA?
MIKE AND BOBBY HAVE TO DO SOMETHING, ALL RIGHT, BUT WHAT?
FOR THE SHATTERING CONCLUSION, READ ON!