CHAPTER FIFTY ONE - The Case of the Creepin' Connivin' Counterfeiter
MIKE - The day started off on a good note, no, make that a great one. Eddie was workin' out and I had the pleasure of watchin' it all. He was liftin' weights, those incredible arms of his spread out, goin' up and down, his legs spread to support his body weight for balance. Oh, uh, did I mention he was wearin' one of the tightest, hottest little gym outfits - yeah, he had on a body-huggin' tee shirt and super-short shorts. OH, the veins, the muscles, the gritted teeth, the sweat...ev'rything. I was lovin' ev'ry minute of this, I felt like the Maria Shriver to his Ah-Nuld! Eddie was breathin' in and out, bendin' up and down. He put the weights down and asked, "hey, so how'm I doin'?"
"Mm-mm-mm, just fine from my point of view."
"No, I mean, how many was that?"
The dazed smile on my face gave way to not catchin' what he was sayin'. "uh, what?"
"How many was that, Mike. You're supposed to be spottin' me, remember?"
Uh-oh - I made a huge mistake.
"Sorry, kid, I just got a little carried away, that's all."
"Aw, Mike - how'm I s'posed to know what I can press if ya don't spot me?"
"Oh, I think I spotted ya just fine, my love." I walked up to 'im and kissed him. "Now, let's see - oh, yeah...(kiss) one (kiss) two (kiss) three..."
Eddie laughed. Now I know he wasn't sore at me. This went on for a few minutes....
UNTIL - of course - there's always an UNTIL in times like these. The cell rings, "Yeah, Batz here."
The subject matter of the phone call was real disturbin'. It was the police. A robbery was just reported. A couple-a blue boys were safeguardin' the scene til we'd get there. "We're on our way."
Eddie was wipin' the sweat off his face, "what's up?"
"Get showered and changed, there's been a robbery." He ran off and met me back in a few minutes, all set to go.
As we drove to the scene of the crime, I filled Eddie in on ev'rything I heard. It was a jewelry store, the cashier accepted a c-note from the perp. To detect a counterfeit bill, shop clerks run a highlight marker on the serial number. This one showed a much more alarmin' result than the usual garden-variety fake bill. This one expelled gas, knocked the cashier out cold. We get to the scene of the crime and paramedics are revivin' the cashier. A store manager was present.
"Did you see any of the crime, the gassin' of your employee, the liftin' of the merchandise?"
"I myself saw nothing, unfortunately. I was in the office in the back while Anthony was working the counter. Is he going to be okay?"
Anthony answered for himself. "I'm just fine, Mrs. Talbot, really, but I was kinda spooked at first. Imagine, highlightin' a bill then gettin' sprayed like that. Wow!"
"Was it painful, son?"
"Boy, I'll say it was. I couldn't see anything, I was suffocating, then I just got weak. Stuff hit me right in the eyes."
A paramedic on the scene, about 6'2, kinda husky, arm muscles so big the sleeves on his uniform shirt were like Saran Wrap, pants so tight around the right areas, standin' with legs spread eagle. Nice buzz cut and goatee, too. Anyway, he assured us there was no retinal damage and that all vital signs checked out. Anthony seemed okay on the surface, so there was no call for concern. He was assaulted, so this was definitely an armed robbery with misdemeanor assault. Whoever did this was gonna go down, all right.
"Are ya okay to answer some questions, there, fella?"
"Sure I am. I'll never forget this guy. A total looney. When I got hit, I yelled and grabbed my eyes and started coughing before I went down and he apologized for hurting me, saying didn't mean to, that this was nothing personal, business is business, he said."
Eddie asked what the perp looked like.
"I guess he looked normal enough, had on a suit, normal hair and everything, a white trenchcoat over it."
Mrs. Talbot spotted a piece of paper on the counter. "It looks like a business card." Me and Eddie took it and looked at it, the name was that of a Doctor Georgiou Cartier-Fineberg. "Would you like to see our surveillance tape?"
Eddie remarked, "Only fittin' for a guy named Cartier to rob a jewelry store." The name plagued me. Mrs. T. showed us the tape. Guy walks into the shop, Anthony behind the counter. Guy buys somethin', whips out some bills, Anthony looks like he's writin' somethin' on it, then BANG, the gas flies up, the kid goes down. Then the perp discovers thge video camera and goes right up to it. "The Doctor was IN!" and takes off.
"SHIT!" I say. Rememberin' there's a lady present, I apologize right off, doffin' my hat to her, "sorry, ma'am". Then I snap my finger and point to her, "we're gonna need that tape to look at it further. I've been in the bad-guy bustin' business a long time and I've never seen the likes of this one."
Eddie was wringin' his hands, "maybe this is a new guy. I love catchin' a fresh new one".
Anthony was lookin' Eddie up and down, a bit of a smirk, one eyebrow slightly raised. I step in front of the kid and shoot 'im a stern look that says, "like what ya see, huh? Well just keep lookin' - this one's mine." He catches that I'm catchin' him, he shrugs slightly, flashes me a sheepish grin to say "gotcha", and backs off. I nod to him. Like a bloodhound I can sniff out anything. Like a grizzly, I protect my young. Like a Christian, I forgive when repented to.
We speed back to our office and watch the tape a few times. We do a video capture and I snap a few photos of this guy's face. Eddie asks, "what's up with this guy, who is he?"
"Beats the bejesus outta me, kiddo."
"Well, so far we know he's a counterfeiter and a jewel thief. If not for that gassy fake bill, this'd be open and shut, lock 'im up for a couple of years, but it's the gas part that gets me."
"Yeah, doesn't use a toy gun, doesn't break in durin' the night, but gasses the store clerks."
"And apologizes for accidentally hurtin' him. This'd be much simpler if he just came in, flashed a gun and shot someone and ran off, but this one's a total mixed bag altogether. Like we're dealin' with someone who's not all there."
Freakin' flashbulbs, I got an idea. "Off to the Wursthaven Psychological Institute."
"Holy Cuckoo's Nest!"
I kinda bristled when he said that. Does he think all mentally unstable people are cuckoos? Would he normall use such a derogatory phrase, but then I thought not. He's just makin' reference to a popular piece of pulp fiction illustratin' life in a mental ward. It's one of his favorite movies.
We speed off to Wursthaven, video images in tow. We show 'em to one of the higher-ups in the ward, a Dr. Fletcher. "Does this man bear any resemblance to any patients of yours, past or present?"
The guy freezes up, "he sure does. He just escaped not two or three days ago, spraying nitrous oxide at a couple of attendants. They were laughing so hard, he just slipped away from their grasp. Where did you see him?"
"He robbed a jewelry store, flashin' knock-out gas at the kid behind the counter."
"How young?"
"Well, this is him in this photo. Didn't get his age, but he was a young guy."
"Still up to his old tricks. The sprayed attendants were also young."
"Were? Didn't they...make it?"
"Oh, they came out fine, but this outburst changed their minds about working in a place such as this. As soon as they recovered, they quit on the spot."
"Damn shame, lettin' one setback interfere with their livelihood."
"It was to be expected. It's not as if they were old hands at this."
(Eddie) "How long were they here?"
"They'd just started a few weeks ago. They were assigned to this man. That's how we operate around here. We assign certain attendants to certain patients. It gives them a feeling of familiarity, regularity. It helps them to settle into a routine."
Eddie wrung his hands and whispers to me, "he got to 'em"
"Huh?"
"Dr. Fletcher, I may be wrong about this, but I have reason to suspect that they weren't his victims, but his accomplices."
"From whence does such a notion occur to you?"
"The fact that they spent so much time around this guy, they were young, perhaps impressionable. He got inside their heads and somehow convinced them to go along with this, and they did quit right away. All that leads up to a suspicion of an inside job."
Good deduction on the boy's part.
"We checked them out during the employment screening process, there didn't seem to be anything adverse or worrisome about them."
"At least not at that time. Sad to say, sir, anyone can become corrupt. They don't know it on the surface, but deep in the recesses of their minds, their souls, there's a soft spot, and this guy coulda seen that and used it to his advantage. It could happen to anyone."
"No disrespect, young man, but could it happen to you, as well?"
"No disrespect taken. I believe it could. On the surface I know what's right and wrong, just like these guys, but I'm fortunate to have a partner who keeps me on the straight and narrow at all times."
"Don't let the boy mislead ya, he always downplays himself. Nobody can lead anyone anywhere unless they wanna be there. I could go on for hours about this partner of mine, and I'd do it with great pleasure, but we do have this guy to track down, to bring 'im back here where he belongs. Any info ya got on 'im would be a good start."
Dr. Fletcher has a photocopy made of the entire file on this guy. On top of that, we decide to hit all the banks and jewelry shops in the area. We warn them if they see anyone who looks like this, to call us right away, even before he strikes, even if he just resembles the one, we gotta clamp down on this guy before he corrupts, or does bodily harm to another young buck.
Back at the office, me-n-Eddie have a heart-to-heart.
"Eddie, there is one more thing we have to do to prepare to meet this guy, whoever he is."
"Sure, what is it?"
"You've heard how he has the means to corrupt young minds. No young man is immune to his tricks. I'm afraid that includes you, too."
"What?"
"Eddie, before he gets to your subconscious, I need to get in there and find out if there's anything he can use against you."
"I tell ya, Mike. I'm good, I'm strong enough to withstand anything he throws at me."
"Sure you can bounce back from anything physical, but we've never been up against anyone like this before. Look, I wanna get in there to see if there's anything you're holdin' back; anything that can sway ya to go to the other side, to give up ev'rything you've worked so hard for all this time.
[I grab him by his arms and look right into his eyes]
Eddie, I promise you that if there's anything inside of you that this guy can get to, I'll obliterate it. I'll make sure you don't stray from the straight and narrow. I'll be holdin' your hand all the way through. Please, Eddie, please let me in."
"Okay. How would you do it?"
"First, get relaxed on the sofa. I'm gonna give you an injection of sodium pentathol, otherwise known as truth serum. I'm going to speak to your subconscious and do a clean sweep of anything that might be hidin' in there. I'll also tape record the session. This is somethin' I had put aside in case I ever interrogated anyone who wasn't forthright or at least didn't know anything."
I prepared the injection and gave it to him. I told him to start countin' back from 10. He got as far as 7.
ME: Do you know who you are?
HIM: Yes.
ME: What's your name?
HIM: Eddie Robinson.
ME: Do you know who I am?
HIM: Yes.
ME: What's my name?
HIM: Mike Batz.
ME: How did we meet?
HIM: You saved my life. My father kidnapped me and was gonna kill me. He had me held prisoner somewhere. You burst in and rescued me. You picked me up and carried me outta there. I kissed you. You smelled good. You had a nice, big coat, it was black and it was long, like a cape. Like Batman's. I saw Robin gettin' swooped up in Batman's cape every time the show came on. I wanted a hero who'd put his cape around me and always protect me. I liked how it felt. I wrapped myself in it.
[Geez, that's right - I remember now - I smile at the memory of it]
ME: Why'd ya do that?
HIM: I thought you were like Batman. I wanted your cape on me.
ME: Who told ya who I was, son?
HIM: My mom. She said she hired you to look for me. Then I started lookin' at newspapers and clipped out stories about ya. I masturbated to you in bed.
ME: What then? How'd your life turn out?
HIM: I went to school, did odd jobs, then my mom got sick. I took care of her til she died. I was on my own after that. I drifted around. I started to follow you around town. Sometimes I was within just feet of ya, maybe only one or two people were between us. I wanted to say or do somethin', but I was scared to.
ME: Why?
HIM: I was scared you wouldn't want me around, that you'd tell me to get lost. So I did.
ME: What made you finally approach me.
HIM: The day we met, I'd just come outta a job interview and didn't get it. I didn't have any other prospects. I was stayin' at a hotel. I was on my way back there to kill myself.
ME: Then what?
HIM: I saw some guy gettin' beat up in an alley. I thought maybe I'd get murdered if I stepped in, hopin' the thugs would either beat me to death or shoot me. That way, I'd go to Heaven if somebody else did it.
ME: And?
HIM: I didn't know who you were at first, then I recognized your face, and kept on swingin'. I was hopin' you'd like me.
ME: Is that why you jumped in? To meet me?
HIM: I knew I'd die as a martyr if they did anything. I just wanted them to stop beatin' up this man, whoever he was. Then I asked if I could join ya. Ya told me no, but offered to drop me off where I was livin'. I was cryin'.
[I remember that, too]
ME: What got ya so upset?
HIM: For a few minutes, I had hope. I spent years wantin' your cape around me. I still did. I still do. Maybe I could be Robin the Boy Wonder at last. That's who I wanted to be since I was a kid. When ya said no to me, I cried again because I knew what I had to do that night. I was gonna.
ME: How?
HIM: I had a fully-loaded gun under my mattress.
[Aw, Jesus murphy]
ME: Aw, geez, kid, please tell me that ain't so.
HIM: It was.
ME: Would ya have done it if I hadn't gone upstairs with ya?
HIM: Yes.
ME: Is that why ya hung onto me like ya did?
HIM: Yes. I didn't wanna tell ya that, 'cuz I thought you'd think I was crazy.
ME: What did ya do with the gun after I took ya on - when I wrapped my cape around ya, so to speak?
HIM: Destroyed it. I took it apart and threw the pieces in different garbage cans.
ME: Do ya still wanna die?
HIM: No
[the next question was the hardest one I ever asked]
ME: Why do you still desire to be in our line of work? You know the risks involved.
HIM: You made my dream come true. I wanted to be a cop but I couldn't get on the force.
[This was too good to pass up. He'd always told me it was 'cuz of his family's name, but I just had to ask his subconscious].
ME: Why not?
HIM: 'Cuz I did some cocaine.
[WHOA! He was stoned! - Nothin' to do with his dad at all. The kid lied to me]
ME: Eddie, you always told me it was 'cuz of your dad. What happened? Why did you lie about the coke?
HIM: I was in the academy. I was hangin' out with a couple of cadets. It was peer pressure. I let it get to me. I sniffed a line. They did random drug tests, and my name was called the next day. The stuff was still in my system. I was expelled.
ME: Why did you never tell me?
HIM: I was ashamed. Bein' a cop was the only job I ever wanted. I also wanted friends, too, and I wanted to fit in with these guys. So I took the stuff.
ME: Did you like it?
HIM: No. Since I was expelled I went from one odd job to the next. A couple of years later, I was still at it. The day we met, just a few hours before we met, I resigned myself to the fact that I'd never be anything more than what I was at that time. A guy that was expelled from the police academy for drugs. I couldn't live with myself anymore. That's when I bought the gun with the last bit of cash I had.
[Oh, my God. My God, this poor boy was worse off than I thought].
ME: Is there anything else you're holdin' back from me?
HIM: No.
ME: How have things been for you since we paired up? Are you happy? Are you satisfied with your life the way it is these days? Do you still want my cape around you? Do ya still wanna be my Robin?
HIM: More than anything I've ever wanted.
ME: Have I been good to ya?
HIM: Yes
ME: Is there anything about our partnership, our love, our life together that you regret?
HIM: No.
ME: Do you still wanna die?
HIM: Not unless it's in the line of duty. I hope to be a detective for as long as I live, if you'll have me, that is.
ME: If I'll have you?
HIM: Yes.
ME: Is there some doubt?
HIM: Yes.
ME: Are you afraid of losin' me?
HIM: Yes.
ME: Why?
HIM: I've always lost ev'ryone I ever loved. My dad, my mom, the friends I thought I had in the academy. My dreams of workin' in law enforcement.
ME: Okay, now, you listen to me. Now that I'm speakin' to your subconscious, please hear this and believe it. There is nothin', outside of me gettin' killed in the line of duty before you, there is nothin' that'll take me away from you. I will love you til my dyin' day. I will always want you at my side when we take the bad guys down. I'm older than you. The odds are that you will ultimately outlive me, but in the meantime, we got a lotta years ahead of us, we do, you and me. Enjoy these years. Love these years. I'll want ya with me the rest of my life. My cape is yours. I got it on now. Come on, wrap yourself in it.
[We embraced. I put my arms around him. He wrapped himself up in my coat.]
Now, you can spend the rest of your life inside my cape if that's what you want. Is it what you want?
HIM: Yes.
ME: Then believe it to be so.
HIM: I love you.
ME: I love you.
[We sat in this position for a while. I wanted him to lie back down to sleep off the effect of the serum. I had an idea. I went to the closet to get the capes off the Batman and Robin suits. He donned Robin's cape, snapped the collar on, then I took mine and wrapped it around him. He wore it as he slept. I shut the tape recorder off. I had ev'rything I wanted. I locked the tape up where he could never get to it. Eddie was now at the next level. He was ready to finally face our formidable, fearsome felonious foe.]
EDDIE - Holy Hot Tips! We got a phone call from an antiques dealership sayin' our foe just walked in. He hadn't stricken yet, but if we could get there on time, he wasn't gonna get the chance. We told the caller that if he does strike, to just stall 'im somehow til we got there. Lucky it was only a couple of miles away.
OUR NEMESIS APPROACHES THE COUNTER, TELLS THE YOUNG MAN HE'D LIKE TO PURCHASE AN ANTIQUE CLOCK. AS THE BOY STARTS TO RUN THE TRANSACTION, OUR VILLAIN ASKS HIM WHO HE WAS ON THE PHONE WITH. THE BOY SAID IT WAS A PERSONAL CALL AND THAT IT WAS NONE OF HIS BUSINESS. HE PUT THE PHONE BACK UNDER THE COUNTER AS THE CROOK STARED. "YOU WERE ON THE PHONE WITH THE COPS AND NOW YOU'VE PRESSED THE SILENT ALARM, HAVEN'T YOU?" "I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT" "YOU CAN'T LIE TO ME, MON AMI, I SAW YOUR REFLECTION IN THE MIRROR. NOW IF YOU'LL TELL ME THE TRUTH, ALERT ME TO THE AUTHORITIES COMING HERE SO I CAN PREPARE FOR THEM, I'LL SPARE YOU ANY HARM YOU MAY HAVE SUFFERED."
THE KID GREW DEFIANT. "YEAH, AND WHAT IF I DON'T?"
"YES, WELL, THAT'S THE ARM WITH WHICH YOU TELEPHONED THE AUTHORITIES AND WITH WHICH YOU PUSHED THE SILENT ALARM. HOPE YOU GOT A LOT OF GOOD USE OF IT"
HE POINTED A LASER AT THE KID'S ARM AND ZAPPED IT, CAUSING HIM TO SCREAM AND GRAB IT. "YOU CAN'T DO THIS TO ME, I'M ONLY 19 YEARS OLD, I'M WATCHING THE STORE FOR MY UNCLE ON THE WEEKENDS"
"YES, WELL, YOU SHOULD'VE THOUGHT OF ALL OF THAT BEFORE, SHOULDN'T YOU HAVE?"
MIKE - Me-n-Eddie show up at the antique shop and talk to the kid, holdin' his arm. We were too late! He left already! I pounded my fist on the counter and shouted, "dammit!" I call 9-1-1, get the paramedics in here. Emergency - young man injured in a hold-up. We get a full description and stay around til the paramedics came in and treated him.
The kid was cryin', "will I be able to use this arm again?"
The paramedic tried to reassure him, "we'll do everything we can, kid."
We knew he was in good hands, then. We were off.
"Holy near miss, Mike! What'll we do? A sting? Get 'im to fall right into our hands?"
"That is a tempting thought, but settin' up an operation like that could take days, and we don't have days, not with the lives and wills of ev'ry young boy in this town at his mercy."
A woman comes runnin' in, real irritated. "Do you have a phone I can use? Some maniac crashed into my car when he was speeding off and I need the police right away."
"Hold up there. We're plainclothes detectives"
[Eddie hears this and looks at his outfit and grimaces, "PLAIN?"]
"What did this guy look like?"
"Well, he was balding, looked like he was dressed like a doctor - the lab coat, I think it was. Anyway, he scared me half to death. I had just parked and gotten out of it."
"Well, somebody up there likes you. It's a great thing you weren't hurt, that's what really counts here. Uh, did ya get a look at his vehicle? A license plate perhaps."
"You're damn right I got it all. I chanted the license plate number over and over til I had a chance to write it down. He was driving a white SUV, or some truck. I'm from the suburbs and every big car looks like an SUV to me."
Eddie pounded his fist into his hand, "holy jackpot! We know what to look for now! He had just fled these premises, ma'am, he robbed this place and assaulted this guy behind the counter. Thanks to you, this man's finally gonna be brought to justice."
"Oh, you mean I may have helped you catch a criminal?"
"If we hurry."
I motioned to the paramedic about this lady, he sure had his work cut out for him today - so did we - and we were all gonna git 'er done.
EDDIE - Me-n-Mike fled the scene and raced to the car, jumped inside and sped off, followin' this maniac. "Boy oh boy this is one quack that I can't wait to disbar myself."
I chuckled at this, "Eddie, you're mixin' up your metaphors. Lawyers get disbarred, not doctors."
"Yeah, well, I was never a big fan of either profession, so it's all the same to me."
We stay on this guy's trail, but hold back a little so as to not let 'im on that we're followin' him. We see him pull into his lair. I figured we should give 'im a little time before stagin' our raid and pullin' him in. We waited about 15 minutes or so, then we decided to pounce.
We pull up slowly and quietly.
BUT WHAT'S THIS? MIKE AND EDDIE HAVE BEEN SPOTTED BUT THEY DON'T REALIZE THIS! DR. COUNTERFINGER IS WATCHING THEIR EVERY MOVE. HIS TWO ASSISTANTS, THE FORMER MENTAL WARD ORDERLIES ARE NOW HIS HORRIBLE HENCHMEN! THE MANIAC'S MINIONS! THE GHOUL'S GO-TO GUYS!
"Hey, boss, look down there, we're bein' followed."
"Yes, I can certainly see that. Mmm, the older gentleman's not much to look at, but his partner looks delicious. Juuust the right age, too. I think these guys'll come in handy."
"Wait! Hold up! It looks like the Dashin' Detectives! Should we start shootin'? Booby trap the front door?"
"You'll do nothing of the kind. I have a more ingenious trap for the two of them to walk right into. I've heard about these two, this should be a lot of fun."
THEY HEAR THE SOUND OF A DOOR BEING BROKEN DOWN
"My God, all they had to do was ring the doorbell."
"All right, you, Dr. Counterfinger. The jig is up. You'd better come quietly."
"Oh, it's no fun if it's quiet. I much prefer to moan when I come."
"Can the stupid sex jokes and OWN UP! Robbery, assault with a deadly weapon, causin' a kid to lose the use of his arm, scarin' a lady half to death by rammin' into her car when makin' an escape!"
"Oh, Detectives, you mustn't make such a fuss. After all, I didn't steal anything. I used cash."
"Yeah, counterfeit cash which expelled gas when the clerk was highlightin' the serial numbers."
"You're goin' back to Wursthaven where you belong. Holy vendetta! This sick pattern of yours of only goin' after young guys. Nothin' that some young guy did to set you off is any excuse for what you did. Counterfeitin' is one thing, but did you really have to hurt your victims?"
"Counterfeiting. Such a serious charge. And I take it you're some kind of expert. Tell me something, can you really tell what's real and what's not? Such as this little life of yours. Playing big bad cop when you know in your heart of hearts that you'll never wear a proper badge and you know exactly why, too. Now then, I'll make a deal with you. This credit card, for example. See if you can guess if it's authentic or phony. If you're correct, I'll come quietly, back to Wursthaven. I must admit the food was pretty good there, I often miss it."
MIKE - He holds up this credit card and we're s'posed to guess if it's real or fake? What the hell's on this guy's mind - if he has a mind at all, that is.
Eddie snarls, "that's either a fake or you stole it. Ya just broke outta the joint a little while ago. The application process takes at least three weeks."
"Now, now, now. You haven't answered my question. Fake...or real?"
Me-n-Eddie look at each other, then back at him, "all right, I'll take a gander it's fake."
"YOU , sir, are correct. You're not half as dumb as you look. In fact, you're TWICE as dumb as you look."
EDDIE - HOLY TEAR GAS! He blasts us in the face with gas comin' outta the fake credit card. Me-n-Mike both cover our eyes, then we feel ourselves gettin' captured, our hands tied behind out backs, then we're sucker punched to no end, til we can't even stand up anymore. Holy agony of defeat - they got us - they really got us.
"Take these bums downstairs. Cuff the old guy to a chair and gag 'im, but keep an eye on the beach boy. It's time to have a little fun with this one."
MEANWHILE DOWNSTAIRS AT DR. COUNTERFINGER'S LAIR:
MIKE IS CUFFED AND GAGGED. EDDIE STANDS IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FLOOR IN THIS ROUGEISH ROOM, HANDS STILL TIED BEHIND HIM. COUNTERFINGER ORDERS HIM UNTIED, BUT A SUBMACHINE GUN IS ALWAYS POINTED AT HIM, MAKING FOR NO NONSENSE.
"You thought you had me where you wanted me, but guess what, Darling Detectives, I have you where I want you."
"Aw, boss, why not just riddle them with lead and get it over with?"
"Would you two idiots just can it? My God I'm beginning to figure out why you two dolts could only find work at a Mental Hospital."
"Well then what are you gonna do with us?"
"Nothing. Nothing at all. We're just going to have a nice quiet heart-to-heart talk. I can say this much, when I'm through talking to you, you will never be the same again."
HOLY HEROIC HOTTIE HEADING FOR HENCHMANHOOD!
MERCILESS MIND CONTROL!
GHOULISH GRILL SESSION!
WILL MIKE'S PREVENTIVE PLAN PREVAIL?
AS ALWAYS, THE ANSWERS WILL COME IN OUR NEXT CHAPTER! HOPEFULLY YOU WILL, TOO!