This is a story that will deal with a young man coming to terms with his own sexuality. This entry includes him fantasizing about another man. If you are uncomfortable with the idea of a man being sexually attracted to another man, or if you are of an illegal age or citizenship to view said material, please move on. For those of you who are not in above category, please continue to read, and please read the Author's note at the end. thank you ~Stanley
There we stood on the street outside Cameron's dorm. I had just kissed him on the cheek and my emotions were running like crazy, as the seconds passed like an eternity. Had I just gone too far? I mean, this was the first time either one of us had dated another guy and here I had gone and kissed him. I mean it was just the cheek but it was still a kiss. He looked at me funny, and I thought I had ruined it all.. when suddenly, he leaned in to kiss me....
I sat up in bed again, before sighing and dropping my body back against the bed. I looked at the clock. It was 2 AM. I wiped the sweat from my brow and told myself to get a grip. I needed to get some sleep, and yet, I feared that everytime I closed my eyes, I would remember that night outside his building...
I leaned over in the bed, where my girlfriend was sleeping and put my arm around her as I tried to forget. Forget that night. Forget that kiss. Forget cameron... forget what I had done to him. But I couldn't. over the last few months I had developed insomnia, because if I wasn't having the dreams, then I had that sick feeling in my stomach for what I had done. And I would always think about Cameron.
I removed my arm from Sarah and rolled myself off the bed. I had to be alone for a bit. I walked out of the bedroom and to my kitchen. Being alone was a problem in my apartment, there were really only two rooms, the bedroom which housed my bed and my TV, and there was the kitchen, which was really a counter, appliances, a small card table, and across the room was a desk with my computer on it. But folded up in the corner was a buttefly chair.
I grabbed a bottle of water out of the fridge and unfolded the chair, plugged my headphones into the speakers of my computer, and booted up one of my MP3 programs. I listened for a while, drinking my water and trying to block from my mind, the image of Cameron as he leaned for our kiss those months ago. The harder I tried though, the harder it got.
Soon the image of our kiss became crystal clear, clearer than it had been in my dreams.. or nightmares. I couldn't help but close my eyes and lean my head back. I could feel my free hand begin to massage the front of my boxer shorts, as a bulge began to grow through the thin cotton flap and peak it's way out.
The scene kept replaying itself in my head, like someone had recorded it over and over again.. I kissed him on the cheek.. he pulled away from me.. and suddenly, his hands were on me and our lips were pressed together. I felt myself lift from the chair and walk towards the bathroom, without even thinking about it. I closed the door and turned on the light, and before I knew it, I had dropped to my knees in front of the toilet and helped myself out of the flap on my boxers. I could feel my hand rubbing up and down myself, thickening, hardening. I could feel my leg start to spasm, and my skin begin to tingle...
and suddenly the image changed. It was no longer the kiss on the street outside his dorm building, but instead it was the moment, two days later, when we were standing in his dorm.. and he told me that he never wanted to see me again. The day I told him that I had just been using him... to get over my girlfriend. That I only thought I was attracted to men because the thought of women filled me with such pain because I always remembered Sarah. I remembered the tears running down his face when he realized that he had turned his view of himself and the world upside down because I had asked him out on a date... and it was all bullshit.
and as quickly as it had begun to build, my pending orgasm died down. My leg no longer tightened, my skin no longer tingled, and I no longer needed to open the flap on my boxer shorts. I took my hands and ran them through my hair, as I stood up from the floor, and turned on the faucet, splashing water in my face.
I looked in the mirror into my bedroom, where Sarah was sleeping. I looked in the mirror and all I saw was a liar. I had lied to Cameron when I asked him out. I had lied to Sarah by not telling her about Cameron... but I beleive what was making me lose sleep at nights, was that I was lying to myself.
Author's Note: I received a lot of great responses to my story "My Date with a Boy" and I have been wanting to write another story, but I just couldn't seem to decide what I wanted to write about. As hinted to in MDWB through Cameron's roomate Jared, I myself have an affinity for crossdressing, and I considered writing a story that dealt with that, but did not get it off the ground. Also I knew that Cameron in MDWB really didn't spend any time admitting to himself that he was gay, he just realized it suddenly, which is kind of unrealistic. So I also considered writing a story about a guy very much in the closet looking for his first homosexual encounter, again without much avail. I have since written a few short erotic stories more to keep the mind turning than anything else. Most of these I was unhappy with, and didn't even send in to Nifty. So I went an re-read MDWB to see what about it spoke to me when writing it. And I stumbled across an idea. Devin, the young man who made Cameron realize the truth about his sexuality, and then later broke his heart. I realized most of my reader's probably hated Devin, because since the story was written through Cameron's point of view, he was shown just in a very negative light, So I decided to let my readers (and newcomers) see Devin from his side, and maybe show that he isn't such an evil bastard afterall. I hope you enjoyed chapter one of Devin's Story and if you have any comments, please email them to me at SwingerStan@yahoo.com