DIONYSIUS
By
Rev Jesse Penfield Gibson, MDiv, DMin
Copyright 2016
DISCLAIMER: This story is fiction. Any similarities to any persons, living or dead, are purely coincidental. This story involves consensual sexual activity between college students, both male and female, including bareback sex, group sex and bisexual activity. This story also has drug and alcohol use. If this is not your cup of tea, don't read it. If it is, enjoy.
Complaints and compliments to revjpgibson@hotmail.com
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EIGHT
Dylan heard about it the next day. What happened in the shower was a minor sensation on the hall. A couple of guys asked to find the details from Cass, wanting to know if both he and Dave had done the girl. They also wanted to know who she was, mostly so they could go out with her. Apparently a girl that would have sex in a shower with two boys in the wee hours of the morning could have a certain popularity, or at least notoriety. Dylan knew he wouldn't do that. Instead, he asked Cass if anything was going to come of it. When Cass told him that it was going to go to Judicial Council, Dylan asked if he could help in some way. Dylan tried to offer scenarios that he could testify to that would explain away what happened but couldn't come up with a plausible one. But because he seemed more worried about it than Cass did, he let it drop. By Friday morning, the buzz about the incident had dropped considerably. It was old news all ready. The FYS weekend was the more important topic of conversation.
The course title for the fall semester of First Year Seminar is "Composing the Self". They read a heavy load of works – philosophy, literature, biography, poetry – designed to boost self-awareness and challenge self-image. They are encouraged to be self-analytical in their major writing assignments. The Weekend was part of that for those in the so-called experiential sections. They also had to do community service in that. Designed as a two night wilderness experience and ropes course, the thought is that students ought to confront their notions about their own limits. Dylan wasn't sure if that was sound thinking educationally but it sounded fun and was an extra credit hour. About half of the guys on 2 Reade were in the experiential section and were going. Adams wasn't.
They travelled in vans out of Macon all the way to Thomaston, leaving at 2 PM. It took an hour to get there and Dylan rode in the same van as Cass, Dave, Mark and a couple of other guys from his floor, including a very attractive Latino boy named Carlos. There was a little good natured ribbing of Cass about the shower incident, which he seemed embarrassed about. Mark's kidding of his roommate, Dave, though, had a much sharper edge to it. He seemed shocked that Dave in a situation with a girl and a boy would do anything with the girl. He wasn't being openly homophobic but it had that edge. Most of the guys from the floor got after Mark for it though, which made Dylan feel better. Alex was in the van, too, and he thought the whole thing was funny.
They made a last stop in civilization call in Thomaston at a grocery store. People could get last minute supplies but Dylan didn't need any and neither did Alex. Dylan's view, after a lifetime tramping about in the woods and camping, was that if you don't need it, don't carry it. Ounces add up when you're carrying them on your back. Alex kidded him saying that he thought the Boy Scouts taught you to always be prepared. Dylan said he had learned how little you need. Once everybody was back in, they headed out for the Flint River, stopping at a bridge on a two lane road out of town. The river below was at a shallow ford and was a perfect shoving off point. Dylan got out of the van and saw that an Army truck from ROTC was parked there with trailers of canoes. Dylan announced that he wasn't getting in a canoe. He'd hike the 10 miles but he wasn't getting in a canoe.
"You live on a lake in South Georgia in the woods practically. You won't get in a canoe?" Alex asked him, his arms flung out in disbelief.
"Boats I don't mind" Dylan snapped back, angry.
"Boat, canoe. It's all the same thing, dude" Cass assured him.
"No it's not"
Alex took him by the elbow. "Okay, what's the deal here?"
"When I was little, I almost drowned in a canoe. I was with my Granny in a canoe on my uncle's fish pond. The canoe rolled over and I fell in and I couldn't swim. One of my cousins dove in and saved me from drowning. Being there in the water is like one of my earliest memories. I haven't been in a canoe since. Been in plenty of boats but not a canoe. I am scared of canoes. Canoes and snakes."
"They don't have snakes in South Georgia?" Alex asked
"Got lots of them. I just shoot them"
Alex thought about it. "You can swim now, right? Here's what we'll do, I'll be in the back, steering. Cass in the middle and you up front, paddling. That will give you something to do so you won't be scared. You trust me and Cass, right?"
"Okay. I'll do that." Dylan said, looking at the canoes and the people, male and female, heedlessly pulling them out to use. "But if you mess with me, rocking the canoe or stuff like that, I'll beat your brains in with the oar. Got it?"
They took it down to the water, loaded their stuff in and shoved off. Pretty quickly, Alex steered them into a rock, getting them stuck. Dylan handed Cass the oar and climbed out to free them. Getting back in, he demanded Alex move up to passenger and he would steer. He found being in charge relieved his anxiety more than anything. That and the peaceful nature of the river. They were at the Fall line, the geologic line that separates the coastal plain of the south from the piedmont of the north. Natives think of it as the gnat line, because the south has the pesky little insects flying around and the north doesn't. On the other hand, the south has Spanish Moss and the north doesn't. The river wound it was through pine forests and was a swampy plain at times and then with the next turn cut through a crystalline rock formation. The float down the river, which had only a moderate current, was a peaceful decompression into nature. Cass, a life-long city boy, seemed out of his element but Alex didn't. Dylan, of course, was perfectly at home.
They eventually headed into a sandy area beneath small bluff. They grounded the canoes and then pulled them up out of the river. After unloading the canoes, they had to hump them up the bluff where they had brought the trailers to reload them. Then it was to gather up the rest of their gear and set up camps. Since they were issued Army shelter halves, everybody had to pair up with another to make a tent. Alex went with the instructor, Professor MacMahon, and Dylan partnered up with Dave, who was in his section. Cass had a different section.
Finally, after eating and a long bull session by the fire, they settled down for the night. He and Dave had a silly banter going for a while about bugs and snakes but eventually they feel off asleep. Dylan woke soon after dawn, even earlier than usual. Since getting a morning run was out of the question, he went about gathering some deadwood to restart the fire. He liked getting up before everybody else. It was peaceful and it gave him time to think. He got the fire going and started some coffee. As the aroma of it began to fill the camp, he heard some people beginning to stir. Wanting a few more minutes of quiet, he poured himself a cup and walked down to the river, finding a large rock to perch on to watch the water go by. It seemed as if there was smoke or steam rising off of the black water, rising up into the golden air. Otherwise it was a fine and clear day. He could hear the birds singing their morning songs as he sipped the black coffee.
Alex came up and sat down next to him. Fortunately, he didn't immediately speak but instead soaked up the beauty of the scene. Then he finally said, "You like it out here, don't you."
"Yeah" Dylan nodded. He could wax philosophical about it but seemed pointless.
Alex sipped his coffee and said nothing more. But perhaps it was morning calm that inspired him or the beauty of the scenery, he couldn't tell. But there was something that he wanted to say out loud for the first time and Alex would be the first to hear it. "Can I tell you something?"
"Sure" Alex said as he sipped.
"I'm gay."
Alex nestled the cup in his hands between his knees. He continued to stare out at the river. "Yeah" he said.
"You don't seem surprised. I thought I hid it pretty well."
"Yeah, you did. But maybe not as well as you thought."
"It's been hard," Dylan said. "I remember when I was in middle school, the girls started growing breasts and the boys noticed it. Made jokes about it mostly but they noticed. It didn't do anything for me. I could have cared less. Of course, I was a late bloomer, I guess you could say. I was the shortest kid in the 9th grade, still had a high pitched voice. All my friends started going through puberty before I did, even kids younger than me. The fact that they were noticing girls, making comments about them and I wasn't, I thought it was because, you know, nothing was happening down there. When I went through puberty I would feel the same way. Now I was noticing boys. I noticed hairy legs and veins on their arms and that little bit of hair that goes up the belly button. I noticed that but I thought it was jealousy, that they had grown into manhood and I hadn't. But then in the summer before the 10th grade, I shot up. It all suddenly happened. But I still didn't feel the same way that they did. Except I started having these really nasty thoughts, particularly at night. At first, it was about other guys, specific guys, having sex with a generic girl. Then I saw some porn, straight porn but with guys in it, and it was the guy I was interested in. I convinced myself, tried to, that I wasn't gay, I was bisexual. I could still have a normal, straight life and push those things over to the side. Then I saw some gay porn and my fantasies changed. So I told myself that I would be asexual. I'd be celibate. I would just suppress all of it."
Alex was looking at him with sympathy. "How did that work out for you?"
"Not good."
"Didn't think so."
"I didn't like the person I had become. There got to be more and more things about myself that I didn't like. The thing was that I was never happy. I kept on hearing in church about how following the Lord leads to joy but I wasn't even happy, never mind joyful." Dylan said.
"What changed?"
"It took a while to sink in, but it was something you said. About how you can be happy when you don't care what other people think about you. I just realized I had the same right to live my life the way I want as anybody does. I don't go around telling people who they can marry and who they can date and nobody has the right to tell me that either."
"So do you have a boyfriend yet" Alex grinned.
"No, I haven't made it that far yet," Dylan smiled as he looked down in shyness. "But I will. I would appreciate it if you didn't tell Cass. When the time is right, I want to tell him myself."
"Sure. It's your story and your life, you own it. Share it however you want. But, I'm going to tell you that Cass isn't going to care, at least he won't be upset. I think you two are going to find out that you have more in common than you think."
"You're not saying he's gay, are you. I'm pretty sure he's not."
"I didn't say he was. I said you two have more in common than either of you think." Alex said, standing up. The people in camp were definitely stirring now. "Let's head back and get some breakfast."
Their one full day in camp was devoted to the ropes course. Dylan's section was pitted against Cass's, so they got to compete against each other. There was some bantering back and to and Dylan promised to smoke him but he wasn't so sure since Cass was an athlete and he wasn't. They started on the low ropes course, or as Dave put it the boring course. The first was the alligator walk which was a series of platforms that they had to navigate as a group with a 6 foot board as a mobile bridge. Cass's team won that one barely. The next was the swinging log, a log on chains suspended between two trees. Standing on it was really hard and Dylan fell backwards after only a few seconds, busting his butt. Cass had better balance and lasted a second or two longer but nearly lost his ability to conceive children as he fell hard onto the log between his legs. Alex did about as well as Cass and landed on his feet. Dave lasted the full 10 seconds. Then they did the so-called Commitment bridge: two foot ropes between two trees and a guide rope up high. They went in teams of two. Dylan and Dave made it the whole length but neither Alex and his partner nor Cass and his partner did.
The high ropes course was more fun. The best one of those was the zip line, which ended in small pond. Dylan was all ready wet, having fallen the high Commitment bridge. They had to climb 50 feet and got hooked on and then flew down. It was so much fun that the boys kept wanting to do it again and again. But the best was last: rappelling. They had set up two rappelling lines on a rocky bluff about 35 feet high. They gave careful instruction and a demonstration with everybody at the base. Then they put on the safety harness, which Dylan noted did highlight all the boy's junk. He had done it before at 4H camp a few times and he went to the front of the line. He didn't go down like a pro but did pretty well. The next few behind him didn't really bounce out very far and mostly just skipped backwards down the rock face. On Cass's line, there was a small crevice about 6 or 8 feet down from the top. If you landed exactly right, you wouldn't hit rock. The thing to do was let out a little rope and slide down farther. But Cass hit it exactly right, his feet went into the crevice and he panicked. Putting both hands on the rope in front of him, he tried to climb back up. The instructor yelled "belay" but the guy at the bottom was all ready on it. What he was doing was dangerous. He could fell in an uncontrolled fashion that way. But with the rope pulled taunt, he was going anywhere. The instructor calmly told him what to do and Cass calmed down. He came down without incident. Dylan could tell he was a little bit shaken but, once everybody had gone once, Cass gamely went up for a second try. So did Dave and Alex. He did better the second time and then they all went a third time. Then they gave a demonstration in the Australian method. That is basically running down the rock face first. Almost everybody backed away from that one.
"I will if you will" Dylan said to Cass.
"Okay" Cass said slowly, drawing out the word. If he could have backed out without an insult to his manhood, he probably would have.
Dave and Alex joined them. Alex went first, which Dylan thought was smart. It gave him less time at the top thinking about it. Then Dylan went. The real way is to run but he wasn't nearly that confident. As he was going down his brain was protesting that he was at a very unnatural angle to the ground. He was a dizzy and pretty scared, going down with the ground coming up to meet him. Once he got down, he felt enormous relief. Then elation. It was like the feeling after a really good roller coaster ride. Cass went next and he must have felt the same. He was moving very slowly down the rope. In fact, he was walking like a zombie. He had his head up and all Dylan could see was his huge black eyes. He almost choked trying not to laugh. But Cass was pretty proud of himself when he got down. Then, together, they snickered at Dave's attempt because he did pretty much the same thing.
They were tired but happy by the time dinner came around. All of the sections joined together for the meal and people were sitting around in a big group, laughing and talking. Dylan was finished eating and was just leaning back on his hands, taking it in next to Cass, when Alex came along and tapped him on his arm. With a nod of the head, he signaled them to follow him. He saw Dave and Carlos get up and follow him. Then he saw Simon with the twins heading off deeper in the woods. They went down a trail for a few hundred feet and then climbed the bluff. Along with Simon, who came from a different direction, was Professor MacMahon and another professor Dylan didn't know. The whole group descended into the ravine between two bluffs next to a little stream. They stopped there.
"Thought we could have our own fun," he said with a devilish grin, pulling out a fat joint from his hoodie.
"Light it up" Professor MacMahon said.
Dylan was stunned. They were going to be getting high with a couple of professors. That was something he wouldn't have predicted.
MacMahon looked at Dylan closely. "I didn't think you were the smoking kind. I am your freshman adviser, after all."
Dylan knew that he meant that he was down as a ministerial student. He remembered they had a long conversation about it during orientation weekend. MacMahon had suggested that he not test out of Spanish, which he could have easily done, but go ahead and take Greek as his foreign language. He would need it anyway in seminary so he might as well get a head start.
Before he could say anything, Alex piped in while handing off a joint, "Dylan is on a journey of personal discovery. He is probably the one kid here who has taken the course objectives to heart. He is composing his self."
"Others might argue that he has fallen in with bad company" MacMahon said and then took a toke. Alex was all ready sending around another joint.
"Not true, Andy. Nobody was to do anything they don't want to do," Alex said, laughing. "But if you want to be bad, I'm good at it."
"Like father, like son. Danny DeRenne was my roommate, back in my undergrad days. A horrible influence he was. I could never out party him no matter how hard I tried and I tried hard. Actually I was friend of your father's too, Dave. We had some wild times."
"I've heard stories" Dave said, taking the joint as it was passed around.
"No doubt embellished."
"I wonder if Johnny ever settled down. I haven't talked to him in years," the other professor said.
Dave blew out the smoke and handed the joint to Dylan. He was able to smoke with a minimum of coughing. "If it has a pussy and doesn't move fast enough, he'll fuck it," he said.
"Sounds like Johnny" MacMahon commented.
"My mom split when I was 10 and I moved in with him. I got up that first morning to get some cereal and his girlfriend was in the kitchen naked. I was just standing there, like big-eyed, not knowing what to do. My Dad comes up and says to me, `what? You don't titties?'"
"Do you like titties?" Alex snickered.
"Not as much as a hard dick" Dave shot back.
"I like titties just fine" Carlos observed. Everybody just kind of looked at him bewildered. Carlos shrugged. "Just saying tits are nice, that's all."
"Did you know Cass's brother, Dex?" Alex asked. Neither professor did. So, he persisted, "They called him the werewolf because he would howl at the moon when he was drunk."
"Well, that runs in the family" Dylan observed. The pot was going to his head and he felt fine.
"Fuck me" Cass said in mock disgust.
"Don't invite him to do unless you're going to follow through" Alex said.
"I'd fuck him" Carlos said. They all giggled. "He's pretty sexy"
Simon chimed in. "You're sexuality is catholic, in the sense of being universal."
"We'd fuck him" Ryan, one of the muscle twins, said.
"Everybody would fuck everybody. We'll leave it at that. Except perhaps the young Pastor in question."
"I don't know" Dylan muttered.
Alex leaned over and whispered in his ear. "This is a safe group to say it out loud."
Dylan stared at Cass and tried to form the words. "I'm gay"
Cass looked at him quizzically, then smiled and then began to laugh. "Thank God"
"What?" Dylan said, looking from Cass to Dave to Alex.
"Dude, I haven't been sleeping naked because I thought you would explode if I did. You have been the tensest guy I've ever known. You've been weighed down by that, like I give a shit. Thank God you got that out of the way."
"Just kind of felt shitty for you, dude, that you couldn't say" Dave said. The twins and Carlos nodded.
"I thought I had been doing a good job hiding it." Dylan said.
"It's hard denying such a fundamental part of yourself," MacMahon said, "and remaining a sane, normal human being. You live in close quarters with sexually attractive young men. Young men that you are attracted to."
Alex leaned back and laughed. "All the philosophy in the world , all the sciences and all the learning of the ages is useless when you have a hard on. You won't know the sublime until you have the base pleasures."