Discovering Gregory

Happy New Year!

Why Discovering Gregory?

People ask me where this story comes from all the time. Well, I was growing up alone and gay when I met a group of boys I could get close to in a limited way. Knowing not how to be gay, I wanted to keep them close without running them off while I searched for myself. This story is based on that experience. When I originally wrote it, it was supposed to be about my love for Greg. People kept asking me to continue and that meant going back to characters and events that became hopelessly out of order and that created confusion. I decided to set it straight since so many of you have grown to care about Greg, Doug, & me.

When I was a young, I was the only one. I started this story so you would know at least one other. Once we started speaking to each other, I began to believe that I could make a difference. Once you believe, I think you often try harder, and that's why I write. For if one of us is lost so are we all lost.

In the sixties blacks sang, "We shall over come", and they did. In the seventies women sang, "I'm woman. Hear me roar", and we did. At the same time we were queer, we were here, and a few people even got use to us. In the eighties, before AIDS got a foothold, our government decided not to fund any intervention. They made clear how they felt about us but once straight white men started dying, our government relented. Twenty-five thousand of us lay dead by then.

Everything starts with communication and a desire to make the world a better place, not for the few, but for all of us. The horror of AIDS growing out of control couldn't happen today, because we speak to each other. As with blacks and women, the greedy power brokers cling ruthlessly to their vision of an exclusive society that favors them, but one day they will hear our roar, and that is the day we shall start to overcome the ignorance.

We can speak about growing up gay in a way we could never speak about it before. We can speak about being denied our basic civil rights. We can speak of being denied our right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. That's what it is all about for me, speaking to one another about the injustice that has brought us here. If I move just one of you to take action, I've done my job.

I'm moved to tears when gay teens speak to me about being too frightened to go to school. They fear being thrown out of the house. It sickens me when students at Escambia High School in Florida put in an application to form a Lesbian & Gay Club and every local television station hypes the story all day. It sickens me when these same students are threatened and withdraw their application out of fear.

It sickens me when nothing is said about this event on the same local news stations, except one short comment, "The application has been withdrawn after displays of affection between same sex students provoked threats of violence from other students."

Well, by god, they certainly shouldn't have shown affection for one another, and in public. We're at war after all, but you and I can speak to each other about the courage of a few gay kids and the sickening response.

What other peace-loving group in America could be threatened for trying to meet without anyone in authority speaking out in outrage. "All men are created equal" is the promise too often broken by the powerful, and because we can speak to each other, we can take note each time that promise is denied.

That's why I write.

We can speak of many things, and I'm grateful that we have a voice and a place to talk. Thanks you to Nifty Archives and to its heart, David.

Thank you for reading and for taking the time to write. Thanks for speaking to me about you. It's easier for me to see you when you speak up for yourself.

Please, when you do write, put Discovering Gregory on the subject line. My eyes aren't what they once were and I'm forced to delete so much junk mail each day, I fear that I sometimes delete real mail from the real people out there. I answer every email, mostly within a few days, so if you've written and haven't received an answer in a reasonable time, you might want to try again.

Peace & Love, Rick writersrealm@hotmail.com

Discovering Gregory 01/01/02

Chapter 19 Water Water, Everywhere...

Greg's father turned soil in the garden, standing up to his ankles in the black earth while Augie and Greg continued their wood war. I watched them until my back ached and then I went to find Doug, hoping to reprise our early morning passion. I had been hard since almost immediately after we finished, and watching the bulging muscles of the chopping twins merely enhanced my already ready desire for an encore. I couldn't get my mind off the boys around me.

I stood in the kitchen and pumped up a blue plastic glass full of fresh cool water, trying to imagine what I could say to light Doug's fire once more. I remembered what he told me and I played that against what I knew, and there was something wrong with his words. They didn't match up at all with what I'd seen him do.

Doug sat in the living room with green yarn wound around his two hands as his mother rolled it into a big green ball. They sat in front of the huge picture window and I could see just one tiny corner of the river. Doug's eyes stayed in the far right corner of the window, looking down. I knew what he was watching. He could see the wood choppers from where he sat.

They didn't notice me and after I finished my water I left them, walking back onto the slope, looking back over my shoulder. For a second Doug's eyes were on me before he lost interest and went back to his brother and Augie. It was then that the silence hit me. There was no chopping going on. I was surprised to hear birds and forest sounds. When I looked into the forest where I'd left the two warriors, I saw Greg and Augie, arms outstretched, fingers locked, naked chest pinned to naked chest as their arms moved up and down in measured motion designed to knock their opponent off balance.

Augie was taller by two or three inches and his muscles were cut deeper. Greg was by far the wider of the two, although his arms seemed slightly shorter than Augie's. Greg's muscles were more symmetrical. Which of them was stronger was hard to determine, because, like with the chopping, it was a standoff with one refusing to yield to the other.

"Look at the front of their pants," Timmy said, easing up beside me and putting his hand on my arm. "They been at it ever since you went in. Fuckers are both hard up."

It was true. The front of their jeans were pressed tight together and they both had bulging assets that couldn't be hidden when their hips rotated together and then apart in a way that had to torment both of them in a bad way. As they were grinding their chests together they did the same thing with their crotches, only it was different with both their erections pushing against and then sliding up and down, one on the other. Their faces echoed their duel purposes, teeth bared, jaws clenched, eyes drooping with passion, and cheeks an inch apart as they panted hot air on one another. It was a tough and tender battle of lust.

Their chests became all but immobilized except for tiny motions that had their cheeks rubbing before reflex made one or the other of them flinch ever so slightly from this familiarity. The front of their pants rubbed more aggressively as they used their legs in an effort to force the other back off the slope, except that motions had become more than a weapon in the search for a way to dominate the other.

Neither of them could best the other nor could they yield or call it off without admitting his sin. What else could it be when you backed away from your opponent, showing him how turned on you'd become from his touch. Most bold and red blooded boys would rather die than face the fact that they had popped a woody while engaging another guy in mortal combat. As big a pervert as Greg was in my eyes he couldn't admit to Augie, or himself, that he got hard up from their physical contact.

I was sure Augie was no better prepared to admit his attraction to Greg. It wasn't so much an attraction as it was a war of happenstance, which had escalated to the point they were using all of their lustful weaponry. This was merely one more battlefront on which each boy fought for the high ground so he could gain an advantage, only the more aware they became of this new direction the battle was taking, the less capable they were of turning the tide. The longer their bodies stayed glued together the less likely it was they'd be able to back away without some admission by one of them that they had enough of this engagement.

There was only one purpose for the competition to continue as far as I could see. Each of them was in denial about who and what he was. I knew Greg well enough to know this wasn't all that distasteful to him, but I was just beginning to understand that Augie's life was in some ways just as complicated as Greg's had become. He seemed normal, considering what he'd been through. He'd been with the girl and that meant he was straight, except there was her little brother who seemed as smitten with Augie as the rest of us, but closer, if you know what I mean.

I'd heard the things Timmy said Augie let him do to him and now there was Greg, and the doubts about what Timmy said were gone. Augie had let him hold his hand and feel his crotch, and what the fuck did that mean? Greg and him would explain it away after it ended or they'd forget it ever happened, if we let them. I wouldn't forget their intimacy. I wanted to believe in Augie because he seemed so badly to need us to be believers, only, he didn't even believe in himself. He'd sold out somewhere down the line, and he couldn't find his way back to who he was, and so now his cock gave him away even when his words denied it.

I looked back up at the window and saw Doug, staring down at them. I didn't believe him either. Doug said one thing while doing something else. I didn't want anyone to do anything they didn't want to do but not doing what you wanted to do, because it was easier on you, wasn't an option for me. He was the best of us and the worst of us at the same time. A guy that looked like Doug couldn't make himself available and figure people would leave him alone because he said that's what he really wanted, because if that's what he really wanted, he wouldn't be getting naked with us and instigating sex with me.

It was still impossible for me to understand all the contradictions that came with the sex I found so appealing. I knew what I was and I knew what I felt. I tried to respect what other people said they felt, and yet what they did and what they said were just the opposite. How did anyone figure out where they stood with anyone else if they were all so full of bullshit about it? I loved Doug and I respected him but I'd do whatever he'd let me get away with for as long as he'd let me and I'd ignore it when he told me how much he didn't want to do the things he did.

I took my eyes back from Doug and watched the two boys press their cheeks together in gentle increments that came with exhaustion. Their arms seemed to have lost strength and they were mostly leaning against each other. When their cheeks brushed, it took longer each time for them to get separated until they were caught in a perpetual hug that neither wanted, nor could he prevent. Their arms had lost the battle and were merely attachments that kept them locked in this seductive pose. Greg's mouth gapped, his eyes were closed, his hips jerked a few times against Augie's and when his rested, Augie's answered as bursts of air came from both of them.

I could hardly breathe and the smell of them had drifted out of the forest over the ten feet that separated us from them. It wafted into my nose. It was all Greg and there was that smell of soil that ran underneath his smell. I was panting and Timmy had pressed his arm against mine and the heat from his body seemed to be boiling out of him and into me.

"Pussy," Greg growled unconvincing. Sweat was apparent all over his body and dripping down his face as his muscles tightened in a desperate attempt to wrestle victory from what was an obvious standoff.

"Prick," Augie answered with no sign that he was about to give up.

"Bastard," Greg replied as their chests slid back and forth on one another as he made one last effort to gain an advantage with his last spurt of energy. As their cheeks came together the last burst of activity all but stopped. They stood pressed one to the other. I waited for Greg's arms to lower to embrace his opponent as they kissed and fondled one another's hard prick, but it only happened in my mind's eye. Nothing came of this new melding move, or nothing came that I was aware of anyway. They were both soaked.

I'll never know what was going on inside their jeans beyond their erections. One can only imagine what it was they were feeling because they stayed silent. One would jerk his body against the other in a halfhearted attempt to make something happen. A few seconds later the other responded with his own unsuccessful attempt before relaxing back together, too tough to be the one to admit defeat.

"Jail bird," Greg insulted without conviction.

"Half Breed!" Augie accused.

"Okay," Greg's father ordered as he glanced up at the combatants, "That's enough of that. We don't use that word, August. You too should hit the showers and cool off."

He only looked up for a second, but it was long enough to get the idea that there was something about that word he didn't care for at all. It was one of the few times I heard a direct order come from the Colonel. The two bulls were only doing what bulls did, and he didn't seem to be much worried about that.

"You son of a bitch," Greg said growling as their chests collided in a smacking burst of energy just before they both tumbled onto the slope, laughing hysterically, probably because they had found a way out. Each rested on his back, panting through the laughter and all implications of what was really going between them was lost in the jocularity of the moment, lost on all but me.

"You're strong," Augie admitted with no further clarification.

"You're not bad," Greg answered. "Want to go swimming? The old man's right, I need to cool down."

This did get a response from Augie. His eyes immediately surveyed Greg who lay near his feet. He didn't miss the bulging in his jeans. Augie's was no less obvious from where I stood. They were no longer pressing together and Augie seemed to have no particular interest in the weapon beyond the fact it looked substantial, or so his eyes told me. He did roll onto his stomach to hide his own excitement when he caught both Timmy and me looking down at it and him. He looked up in our faces and he was blushing even redder than usual.

"Yeah, I'm boiling. I don't have my suit though," Augie said.

"Don't use 'em. I got nothin' to be ashamed of. We got a place down behind the property. No one is building this far down yet."

"Sounds okay."

"There's a great mud pool nearby. Takes the ache out of sore muscles." Greg rubbed his arms as he spoke while Augie listened carefully.

I wandered down the hill past the garden after Greg and Augie left the stand of trees headed toward the river. At the corner of the property Greg was already naked and testing the rope. Augie sat behind him and next to the tree, he had pulled off one shoe and was working on his sock as he watched Greg. His endowment was arching out of his curly patch, half-hard and in that inviting way that told you about what was on the boy's mind.

"You're big," Augie said, moving his eyes back to his shoes.

"None bigger I seen," Greg said, facing him as he put his weight on the rope and smiled an evil little smile. His dick was less than a foot from Augie's face.

"You haven't been to jail," Augie said, standing to unbuckle his pants as Timmy ran into my back when I stopped short so I didn't interrupt their conversation.

"Like I said, you ain't been to jail."

"I don't believe it. He's going to get him too. I don't want to see this," Timmy complained softly, turning back toward the house.

"They got dicks big as mine up there?" Greg said, fingering his now stiff cock.

"A couple. One guy had fouteen inches. Fat fucker," Augie said, fingers on zipper but not yet ready to get naked with his host.

"How'd you know it was fourteen?" Greg asked, a skeptic nonbeliever.

"What do you think you do up there all day. He won four packs of cigarettes and five sodas with that puppy."

"How's that?" Greg asked, curiosity unmistakable.

"Man with the biggest dick took the pot. Everyone had to play. There was a ten-inch and two that were eight or nine. All of them figured they'd win. You'd ah figure in-between the nine and then ten. Big but no prize."

"You know your dicks. You do the measuring?" Greg asked.

"We got a new kid in that week. He knew 'em all up close and personal like. He hadn't had time to make alliances. He got all the shit details."

"They fuck him?" Greg asked, listening careful for the answer.

"You might say that," Augie said, still holding onto his fly.

"You fuck him, that little boy?" Greg's question was surly and open ended.

"We going swimming or what?" Augie said.

"Yeah, you fucked him," Greg said, all his teeth showing as he disappeared down the rope and his eyes were on Augie.

"Did you?" Doug asked, stepping around me out of nowhere.

Augie seemed surprised when he looked in our direction. We had been obscured by the tree line and the deep shadows.

"You fuckers are everywhere," Augie said. "Can't a guy have some privacy?"

"Not with Greg around. He won't leave you alone until he gets what he wants," Doug said, sitting at Augie's feet and looking up past his crotch.

"What's that?" Augie asked, unable to hold back the question as he noticed Doug's gaze.

"What you did to that kid."

"I didn't say I did nothin'," Augie said as he peeled his jeans the rest of the way down off his legs, turning so his beautiful round white ass was pointed at Doug's face.

"You were in jail with old dudes. You did plenty," Doug said. "It's not a secret what goes on in there."

"Yeah, well, I ain't in jail now," Augie said, throwing his jeans down on his shoes. "You guys give me some breathing room, will yeah. I ain't in jail no more."

He wasn't as hard as Greg but the reddish color and perky way it stood out of his black pubes told me, he was no more than a thought or a single touch from becoming erect. Doug was now seated as close to Augie's cock as Augie had been to Greg's. This stirred something in Augie that he didn't like and tried to hide from us. He stood still, looking first down at Doug and then over at me. I could see him dealing with something that was troubling to him. I knew I looked just like Augie now looked when I was confounded and confused by my feelings and desires.

"I ain't in jail," he repeated after we all stared at each other for a minute or two. "I don't need that anymore," he added as his dick pulsed to life and twitched out in front of him so close to Doug's face it would have been an easy matter for him to swallow it, but he didn't.

I was noticing the fine black hairs on the inside of his legs as he spoke and temporarily interrupted my survey. There were more wiry black hairs below his knees. He was awesome naked but too soon gone down the rope, leaving Doug and I to face one another with what we now knew about August Moon. It was then that my fertile mind went into action. In this case out of sight out of mind wasn't necessarily true.

I imagined Greg looking up from the bottom right into Augie's ass as it lowered down onto his face. I knew Greg wouldn't turn away until it was time to avoid any pretence of having voluntary physical contact with another virile male that wasn't first connected to some greater struggle for superiority. I knew Greg would examine carefully the ass that was coming down toward him and he would fight off the urge to stand fast and impale his adversary as he lowered himself into Greg's universe and onto his only weapon. My cock throbbed and ached as I contemplated what they might be doing to one another just out of my sight. I finally eased over and sat beside Doug only closer to the edge so I could see any activity.

"I thought you were helping your mother?"

"I was."

"What brought you down here?"

"Same as you," he said, not explaining. "Augie's something else. If Greg hadn't been here he'd have done something with us. Greg ruins everything."

"I thought you didn't want to.... Never mind," I said, leaning back against the tree so I could see the naked boys.

Doug moved closer to me. It was difficult to concentrate on the view. I wanted to grab Doug and shove my tongue down his throat. I wanted him to blow me again. I wanted to fuck him. My dick was aching and nothing had happened but a lot of talking and chopping. I was getting weirder by the minute, not to mention horny.

"This all you want to do? Watch them."

"Isn't it what you came for?"

"Not exactly," Doug said, his hand was on the inside of my thigh as he leaned his head on my shoulder. "I'm so fucked up."

"I know exactly how that feels," I said, leaning my head against his as the bottom fell out of my stomach.

"You like Augie?"

"What's not to like. He's hot," I confessed casually. "I think I like everyone. I don't feel like they know I'm alive."

"I know you're alive," Doug said, wrapping his fingers around my forearm and squeezing.

"Yeah, but that's more about being horny again."

"Shut up," he said.

"You aren't even horny for me. You came down to see him."

"Did not either. You think he fools around?" Doug asked.

It seemed to me that sooner or later most guys who hung around with us were looking for a way to give us what they hoped we wanted, but it could only be on their terms. Should you give them what they wanted before they were desperate enough to beg you for it, you would be ostracized, but only after the questionable activity came to fruition. And that's when you became queer.

I never could figure out where that fucking line was drawn. It seemed logical to me, no matter if you were the suckee or sucker or the fuckee or fucker, it took two to get to get it done. Therefore, it is also logical to assume that both of the parties got some pleasure out of the activity, and that's why, after the deed was done, someone then had to be queer, and I couldn't figure out why. It was totally confusing that hugging a guy could force him to do violence after you've only just finished sucking his dick. What's that about?

"I suppose. Why did you say what you did to me this morning? I can't turn it on and off Doug. I like you. You can't hug me one minute and push me away the next."

"I don't know. I'm fucked up, okay. I like you, Martin, too much. It scares me some. We can't do this."

"What is this. I mean, I don't understand how you can turn it on and off. Earlier you were.... I like you all the time."

"Me too. I mean I like you."

"I can't turn it on and off, Doug. I've never been with anyone the way we've been together."

"I know. I'm just a kid. What do I know?"

"You know a hell of a lot more than I do," I said angrily.

"I can't do anything about that."

"You know what's in your heart. Don't play with mine. Besides, your father is right up there. What's he going to say if he sees us?"

"You can't see what's in the shadows. The suns right on the garden most of the day. We always get naked down here. Mom would complain if she saw us naked up top. That's for the river."

I sat under the tree where the rope was tied, letting Doug hold my hand. Greg was standing out in the sunny spot in the river where it was easy to see him. The water was only up to the middle of his thighs and ran slowly past. Augie waded out carefully, testing the bottom as he went. They stood facing each other to talk, but I couldn't hear what they were saying. The sounds of the river and the forest were clear to me and the cool dark earth was pleasant to sit upon.

While I couldn't hear, it soon became obvious that there was unfinished business and they both knew it. Neither was going to admit defeat nor would they acknowledge the other was a better man. Greg was hard as stone and it closed some of the distance between them. Augie's ass was round and firm, a tiny hint of pink obvious in the white orbs that followed him and perfectly they were perfectly carved by some incredibly talented sculptor. My dick pulsed in my jeans as I admired his backside.

In a sudden swift move Augie ended up behind Greg and had him in a full nelson before he knew the competition was on again. Once again their bodies rubbed as Greg struggled frantically to get free. He cursed and squirmed until they both fell into the rushing water with Greg leaping on top of Augie, trying to hold him under with little success. Then, Augie was on top again and then Greg as they moved with the river as they dueled.

Greg stood first and Augie sprung on his back like a cat, catching him by surprise with his unexpected speed. Their bodies were grinding together as Augie's powerful arms held him onto Greg's back. He stepped in to an uneven spot and lost his balance, throwing Augie into the air. Greg twisted away as he went down. He reversed their positions before Augie could get his feet back under him. By the time he did Greg was behind him with one of his strong forearms around Augie's neck and the other was holding him around the waist as Augie flailed, trying to wiggle out of his grasp. Greg's broad shoulders and more evenly dispersed musculature gave him an advantage once he had control.

"God damn," Doug gasped. "He's trying to fuck him."

"What do you think they've been doing?" I asked, having been certain of it from the very start.

"I don't believe this." His hand was in my lap and he found the evidence that I cared for the duelists. He looked at my face for only a second to see if there would be any objection to his delving fingers.

"You bitch," Augie yelled and there was a sudden fierce struggled to be free, but Greg held fast to hi, riding the thinner boy hard with his hips carrying much of the weight as he held Augie to him.

"As if you weren't trying to get it up my ass," Greg shot back. "What's good for the goose...," Greg laughed wickedly.

"Alright, cut it out," Augie yelled. "Let's take a break."

"Just hold still a minute, damn it. You been in jail. It ain't the first time someone got a dick up your ass. Stop wiggling," Greg demanded.

"Not without a fight, bitch," Augie spat, clawing at Greg's arms until his feet came off the river bottom as Greg held him in place. For a minute they stayed like that and Augie seemed to have surrendered to the inevitable, but as always, there was more going on than I knew about, and slowly Augie's dick did a slow but steady rise until it stood out in red swollen glory. The wriggling and squirming started anew once he was fully erect.

"Fuck, he likes it," Doug said. "He's letting him. Look at his dick. I don't believe it. Is nothing sacred?"

"Your brother has a way about him. He just blinks those sleepy blue eyes at you and that's it. You get lost in there."

"Here I thought he was this big stud who was going to put my brother in his place."

"He's been in jail," I defended. "Probably knows all about that shit. Everyone don't like the same shit anyway. Give him a break. The fucker's gorgeous."

"Yeah, there is that to fall back on," Doug sighed, hugging his face to my shoulder.

I went back to the show feeling warm and happy. Happy wasn't something I did that often. I wasn't unhappy, but I was unaware of that it was that would make me happy. I suspected it had something to do with lying with boys. I needed other boys close to me. That's what made me comfortable, and when I was comfortable, I could get happy in short order. I was happy to be there with him while we watched two boys trying to screw each other. It was the kind of thing I once imagined happening while I was satisfying myself late at night, but this was way better. Especially since they were real and with Doug right there.

Augie could not compare in size with Greg but on beauty and quality, he was cock of the walk, chiseled precisely and proportioned to his body size, long and exactingly shaped. It was a beautiful cock and colored to excite any observers.

It was then that he reversed the hold, throwing Greg off balance, to complete his move. With Augie behind him, I could now see that Greg was no less excited by the battle. There was no doubt he was still the king of cock, but by the look on his face, Augie had enough to worry him.

"You see, there are some advantages to not being, TOO big."

Augie laughed loud after speaking. He held Greg around the throat with one of his arms bent up behind him in a painful looking way. There was grunting and groaning but the shouting stopped for a couple of minutes as they wiggled and wriggled some more.

This time Greg's hips stayed out and off Augie's inflamed sword while Augie did his best to get it up to his ass. They squirmed and slithered and moved and counter moved but neither could regain any lasting advantage. Finally, after half an hour, they were both contented to let the water soothe what must have been aching muscles after what had been a morning long competition. There wasn't much conversation and they stayed a respectful distance from one another.

"Let's go wallow in the mud," Greg said after awhile. "Less likelihood of getting speared down there."

Greg looked up at the tree at us, watching as he kept his arms and legs in the water with just his head above the surface.

"He can't see us," Doug said, hugging me closer and nuzzling my neck with his face. He let out a small sigh.

When I looked back to the river they were gone. The rustling river rolled alone as the birds sang their short songs to us. I put my arm around him and allowed myself to adhere to him.