The legal stuff: This is a sexually explicit story (at times) involving homosexuality. By continuing to read, you affirm under penalties of perjury that you are not a minor or in the company of a minor and are entitled to have access to sexually explicit material. The content and opinions expressed in this story do not imply anything with regard to the sexual preference of any member of 98 Degrees or other celebrities named herein. This is a work of fiction entirely.
Author Notes: This is my first piece of work and I would just like to say thanks to HR for being a great friend and a wonderful and inspiring writer. I hope you enjoy the story.
Dizzy
`God it's freezing out here.' Drew thought to himself as he wandered around outside in the snow looking for Andrew. When Drew first left Andrew's apartment to look for him he had two thoughts. One, Andrew wasn't wearing any shoes and two, how was he going to find him. Once Drew got outside though, he realized he could just follow the footprints
Andrew made in the snow. He followed them for about ten minutes until he was in front of the hotel. He went inside and went to the desk. The clerk running the desk that night was an older gentleman. When Drew asked him where Andrew was, the clerk simply responded.
"I was told not to tell anyone that should come looking for him where he was."
"Well, I need to know where he is."
"And you are?"
"A concerned friend."
"What exactly is wrong with him that he would be walking around outside in this snowstorm barefoot?"
"That's what I'm here to find out."
"Well I don't think he would be in the gym like he usually is this time of night when he needs to clear his head." The clerk said handing Drew a keycard that would allow him access to the gym.
"Thanks." Drew said as he followed the signs that directed him to the gym. Drew hadn't visited it while they were staying here but he knew it was a fully stocked gym with an indoor pool, hot tub, shower area, and sauna. Drew opened the door with the keycard and went into the gym. He didn't see Andrew anywhere. `Where would I be if I was freezing outside and had access to the entire hotel? Duh, the hot tub.' Drew thought before making his way to the hot tub. When he opened the door, he saw Andrew's clothes in a corner and saw Andrew himself sitting in the hot tub.
Andrew looked up as the door opened and shut and saw Drew standing before him.
"You were the last person I expected to see. I would've thought Hunter, Emma, or Heather would be here." Andrew said leaning his head back and closing his eyes.
Drew looked at him, studying his upper torso intently. Andrew had a toned and smooth chest, not as defined as his own or even Nick's, but definitely not in bad shape. "Did you come here just to stare at me Drew?" Andrew asked without even opening his eyes.
"No. I came here to bring you home. Everyone is worried about you." Drew said as he took off his jacket. The heat from the hot tub was causing him to warm up quickly.
"Drew, I came here to relax and be alone. So you can go back and tell everyone that I am fine and just want to be alone."
Drew didn't leave. Instead he took off his shoes and socks and rolled up his jeans so he could stick his feet in the hot tub. "Why didn't you tell us what was going on?"
Andrew opened his eyes and looked at Drew. "Why do you even care Drew? After tomorrow, you'll be leavin' Boston and this'll all just be a bad memory." Andrew said and once again leaned his head back and closed his eyes.
"Have you stopped to think that maybe we are your friends?" Drew asked.
"Why would 98 Degrees, one of the most popular boy bands, want to be friends with a nobody waiter? Excuse me, a dyin', cancer ridden nobody waiter."
"Does it matter why? Let's see though. Maybe because you've been nothing but nice to us since you waited on us yesterday, you don't treat us like we are celebrities, and because me and you made out in public earlier today and don't forget you've witnessed, and not directly, caused one of my most embarrassing moments in my life." Drew said before peeling off his shirt.
He tossed it into the pile of clothes and stood up and unbuttoned his jeans. Andrew looked up when he heard his zipper unzipping.
"What are you doin'?"
"I think there is room for two people in that hot tub." Drew said matter-of-factly and pushed his jeans down his legs. He tossed his jeans into the pile and stood next to the hot tub in a pair of blue boxers. Andrew studied this sexy figure in front of him before he dropped into the hot tub and sat across from him. "This feels good." Drew stated.
Andrew laughed. "Drew, why are you doin' this? Honestly?"
Drew looked at him for a moment. "Andrew, my divorce from Lea was finalized two months ago. It was a mutual decision between the two of us because we were living a lie. Lea was my best friend in high school and the only one who knew my secret. When we formed 98 Degrees and became celebrities, we got married to hide that secret from the public and from my family out of fear of what would happen if anyone found out. But we couldn't do it anymore. I realized one day that I was being selfish for asking my best friend to pretend to be my wife and sacrifice her happiness because I was afraid to tell my family I was gay. So, we got a divorce and we are still best friends and she met someone and is very happy. I thought I would be happier knowing that I was doing the right thing but I'm not. As a matter of fact, I'm nowhere near happy because even though our marriage was a lie, I realized that I wish I was still married to her. I wondered why I felt like that and realized it was because I want someone to love, like Nick. I want a stable relationship, someone to call when I am in between rehearsals, someone to buy presents for, someone to celebrate good news and occasions with."
"Wow, so what about your public image?" Andrew asked.
"Well, my family and the guys are supportive about whatever I decide to do. Who knows, it worked for Lance but I'd rather wait. At least until I have reason to." Drew said.
"Why are you tellin' me all this Drew? I mean you barely know me. How do you know I won't go the nearest tabloid and sell the story for a couple hundred bucks?"
"Because, and this is going to sound real cheesy, but when I met you yesterday and I looked into your eyes, I saw someone who is looking for the same things I am and when we were joking around today with Nick and the others, it felt real and it felt good to kiss you when I wanted and to touch you when I wanted. I don't even know what this is or what it means but I'm tired of fighting it. Plus, I know you don't need the money."
"You're right, that did sound cheesy." Andrew said with a laugh. When he saw Drew wasn't smiling at his joke, he took a deep breath. "Drew, you might not have heard but I am dyin'. I am not exactly in the position to date right now. And I didn't want to tell anyone because I don't want the pity. I don't want to be the cancer boy."
"Andrew, you are only dying because you choose to die. There are ways to fight this and you should. For Emma and Hunter...Heather and Abbey."
Andrew stood up and got out of the hot tub. "I knew it! I knew you were goin' to do this!" he said while grabbing a towel and started drying off.
"Do what?" Drew asked, obviously confused and still sitting in the hot tub.
Andrew wrapped the towel around his waist. "They sent you to try and talk me into goin' to the doctor. All that stuff you said..." Andrew couldn't hold back the tears.
"Was all true." Drew said while getting out of the hot tub and walking over to Andrew. He put both his arms around him and pulled him into a hug.
Andrew pushed him away. "You don't understand Drew! You think I want to hurt my friends!? You think I'm being selfish!? You don't get it! I am savin' them from future pain! How much pain are they goin' to go through when they are watchin' me die like I watched my entire family die!? How much pain are they goin' to be in when they feel helpless for knowin' there is nothing they can do to help me!?" Andrew was crying harder. Drew tried to hug him again but Andrew backed away. "You don't know what it's like to wake up and watch each member of your family die and there is not a fuckin' thing you can do but cry!"
Drew grabbed Andrew's arms and forcefully pulled him into a hug and held him even though Andrew tried to break free. Eventually, Andrew stopped fighting him and just cried against his chest. "Did you ever stop to think about how much pain they are in just knowing you are going to give up without a fight? It probably hurts them more to know you aren't even trying to live. They probably think that you don't love them enough to try." Drew said.
Andrew looked up at Drew. "For the past twelve years, I sat and watched everyone in my family fight their cancer and try to live. I watched as the chemo and radiation treatments made them sick and weak, as the surgeries kept them in the hospitals and away from home, and for what? They just got worse and worse until it finally killed them. I refuse...I refuse to spend what time I have left layin' in a hospital bed too sick and weak to do anythin' for myself because of surgery or chemo or radiation treatments. What's wrong with just wantin to enjoy my last days with friends?"
Drew had nothing to say because Andrew was right. Who would want to spend the rest of their time in a hospital bed? Andrew broke free of Drew's grasp and sat down.
"What if you lost your family, Nick, Justin, and Jeff? What if you were the only one left? Would you fight?" Drew didn't know how to answer him. He wasn't sure what he would do. "What do I have to live for Drew? Huh?" Andrew asked as he got up and walked over to the pile of clothes. Drew stood up and moved behind Andrew and wrapped his arms around his waist. "You have Emma." He whispered into Andrew's ear. "You have Hunter. You have their parents. You have Heather. You have Abbey. But most importantly, in my opinion, you have me."
Andrew turned to look at him. He stared into Drew's beautiful hazel eyes. "I can't have you Mr. Lachey."
"Who says?" Drew asked him curiously.
"What about when you leave Boston? How am I going to have you then?"
"Who says I have to leave Boston?"
"Don't joke with me Drew. You are part of a group that tours the country and puts on concerts for thousands of fans. Your family lives in Ohio. Why would you...how could you stay in Boston?"
"Last time I checked, I was a grown man who could do as he pleases. I don't have to be in Ohio with my family when I can fly to see them whenever I want and this tour was for a Christmas charity. We are going on hiatus again for awhile starting in January because we've had a good run and we all have plans outside of the group."
Drew held Andrew tightly for a couple of minutes. He let him go and picked up their clothes. "Is there someplace we can dry our clothes before we go out in the snow with wet underwear?" Drew said laughing.
"Yeah we can use the housekeepin' dryers to dry our boxers and clothes and sit in the sauna till they are done." Andrew said, wiping his face and eyes.
Five minutes later, they were sitting in the sauna with only towels around their waists as they waited for their clothes to finish drying. Drew was sitting down, his back against the wall. Andrew was lying down on the bench with his head in Drew's lap.
Andrew looked up at Drew. "Drew, what you said back in the hot tub about tired of fightin' your feelings? I was in love once, with a guy I was datin' in high school. He was absolutely perfect and wonderful and Mr. and Mrs. Thompson loved him and my sister did too. I thought he and I would be together forever. We had planned to go to college together, get a place together, and get married. We had it all worked out but I broke up with him. After my sister died, I knew...I just knew that I wouldn't live to be 21 like her and my brother so I broke up with him so that I wouldn't have to see him in pain when I got sick." Drew remained silent, unsure of where Andrew was going with this. "The way I felt when I was with him is the same feeling I got when we were kissing each other in the restaurant. Even though I knew it wasn't real, a part of me wanted it to be real."
Drew was about to say something when Andrew put a finger over his lips. "I...I think I'm fallin' in love with you and I'm scared of it. Everybody I've loved has left me and I'm afraid that if I start to love you too, I'll lose you and I don't think I could take that."
Drew put a finger of Andrew's lips this time and his hand caressed Andrew's cheek. "I think I'm falling in love with you too Andrew and I am scared too because I don't want to lose you either but it's your decision on what you are going to do. Whatever you choose, I promise you...I promise that I'll be here for you."
A tear escaped Andrew's eye and met with Drew's hand. Drew bent down and kissed Andrew passionately on his lips. Drew broke the kiss so he could breathe and continued to look into Andrew's blue eyes.
"Wow that was nice." Andrew said with a smile. "A guy could get used to that."
"Well, there's plenty more where that came from." Drew said as Andrew sat up on the bench.
"What do you say we go home and tell everyone the good news?" asked Andrew.
"What good news?" Drew asked.
"Well, you can tell them that you have yourself a boyfriend and the rest we'll play by ear." Andrew said as he walked to the door. He turned and saw Drew still sitting down. "You comin'?"
Drew jumped up and ran to Andrew. He picked him up and swung him around before pulling him into a tight hug. "You mean that?"
"Yes I do." Andrew said laughing. His laughter quickly stopped though. "Whoa, easy there tiger, I'm starting to feel nauseous." Andrew said uneasily.
Drew set him down. "Oh shit I'm sorry. You sit here and I'll go get our clothes." Drew ran out of the sauna and left Andrew sitting alone.
"Just when I thought you really hated me, you surprised me. You took away my family and with them, my desire to remain here alone. You sent me Drew for a reason, to show me that I belong here but don't you dare take him away from me." Andrew said to himself.