Do What You Can

Do What You Can

This story is about male/male relationships and contains Graphic descriptions of sex.

You should not read this story if it is in any way illegal due to your age or residence.

This is a work of pure fiction.

Copyright 2003 Jason Calme. This story is the sole property of its author and may not be copied in whole or in part or posted on any website without the permission of the author.

Questions and commentary can be sent to "JasonCalme@yahoo.com".

Chapter 4

As photographer for the school paper I'd ended up with an assignment I was not excited about. The Yearbook Committee was planning to put together a couple of pages dedicated to Danny. I was assigned to get pictures, which meant talking to his parents.

I thought the idea itself was great. I just didn't want to talk to his parents, and I tried to get someone else to do it. But no one else wanted to do it and I was stuck.

Todd, the editor of the paper, and who also was running the Yearbook, was really into the project. One afternoon the two of us were going through some paper stuff and he started talking about the project, and about Danny. He seemed to know Danny better than I did. I didn't like to ask him how. It seemed impolite.

"I've got some people writing things about Danny," he was saying.

"That's great."

"I've been trying to get up the courage to talk to Zack," he added quietly.

I looked at him and he looked nervous. As though not sure what my reaction would be. And I knew he knew. He must have. It was something about that expression that told me so much more than words could.

"I don't know," I said. "He's really...it's still really hard for him, and I don't think he wants anyone to know..." and I let it drag out and he smiled. He knew I knew.

"Well maybe you could mention it to him? I don't want him to think I didn't want him to..."

"I will," I said.

We were quiet for a moment.

"So Jed," Todd said quietly, "you and Zack are friends?"

"Yeah," I said casually.

"That's cool," he said. "I'm glad for ya'." And he nodded, and for a moment I wondered if he'd been asking more that what I'd thought he'd been asking.

"You know," he went on, "It was Danny that really let me know it was okay to be myself," and he smiled at me and I thought 'Oh Shit!'

I didn't know what to say.

I looked at Todd. I really looked at him. I'd never done that before. Todd was a short kid. He had really dark black hair that was thick and always looked like it needed a wash, though I was certain it was clean and neat just like the rest of him. He was kind of non- descript. Nothing really remarkable about him, other than a nice smile. He was a bit shy and nerdy. We were kind of comfortable acquaintances through our work at the paper, but we never hung out together.

"Hey...um...Todd?" I said nervously, "when you were asking if Zack and I were friends. Did you mean friends...or...friends?"

Todd looked at me in surprise. "Oh...ah...I just thought..."

"It's okay Man...it's just we're...we're just friends."

"Oh!" he said. "So you're not..." and he let it hang.

"Uh...uh..." I couldn't even bring myself to say the word. I looked around in case someone was listening. There was no one else in the room, but it was just an automatic response.

"Umm," said Todd, the two of us now communicating like animals. Just kind of grunting to each other.

"Uh...I'm not...uh sorry..." I lied. I couldn't tell him I thought I was. I wasn't there yet. I was still keeping up a straight front with everyone, even though inside I had pretty much come to the conclusion I was gay.

Now Todd looked panicked. As though he'd been okay telling me he was gay when he though I was gay, but not if I wasn't. I could understand how he felt. But I couldn't tell him that.

"I won't tell anyone," I added hastily. "I wouldn't tell anyone about Zack, and I won't tell anyone about..."

"Thanks," he said quietly.

We both seemed unsure of what to say to one another. We just stood there for a moment, and then Todd said he had to go and we quickly said good-bye.

And so it was I found myself one afternoon at Danny's house, trying to get up the nerve to push the doorbell. I'd almost asked Zack to come with me, but when I'd casually asked if he'd spoken to Danny's parents he had gone all quiet, and I could tell he was uncomfortable dealing with them.

I'd been standing there, nearly pushing the doorbell for a couple of minutes, when the door suddenly opened and a middle-aged woman was standing there. I recognized her from the wake.

"Hello," she said. "Can I help you?"

"Ah...yes, I'm Jed Weinberger from the High School. Uh...we wanted to do a tribute to Danny in the Yearbook and I wondered if you could lend us some photographs that we could use."

She smiled at me.

"Certainly," she said. "Come on in."

I walked in a little nervously, and she waved me to follow her. She lead me into the dining room and I took a seat at the table. She sat down across from me.

"So you're doing a tribute to Danny?" she said.

"Yes," I said. "They're writing something about him and then we're going to run photos with it. I think someone from the paper will call you to interview you about Danny. Uhh...I'm not sure whether it's going to be about his life, or memories of him from students. I think they're still working on that."

"I see," she said smiling. I half expected her to start crying at any moment, but she seemed rather relaxed and almost happy.

"But they definitely want photos, which is kind of my job," I said nervously. "I know they are going to let you see it before they print it. To make sure that you like it..."

She smiled brightly at me.

"Well how many photos do you need? What kind of photos?"

"Ah, well I guess a selection would be good. Whichever one's are your favorites. We have a few pictures from school, but we need more. I'll make sure you get them back."

She nodded, still smiling. "I have all the negatives. I can get you copies," she said. I looked around and noticed that there were lots of photos on the walls and on the mantel piece. I saw one of Danny smiling back at me and my heart skipped a beat and I turned away from it quickly.

"So you're the photo editor for the paper?" she asked me.

"Photographer, really" I said.

"You like photography?"

"Yes. It's something I'd like to do when I leave school if I can."

She nodded and smiled. "I used to work for a professional photographer before the children were born. I still take pictures, but just as a hobby now."

"Yeah?" I said.

"What kind of camera do you use?" she asked.

"For the paper mainly a digital camera. It's quicker and easier. I have a film camera that's my favorite. I wish I could afford a good digital camera. An SLR."

She smiled. "That would be fun. I've been playing a bit with a digital camera, but I still like the film camera."

We talked a bit about cameras and photography.

Then she promised that she'd sort out some photos for me and we stood up and she was seeing me to the door. As we were walking along she kind of casually turned.

"How's Zack doing?" she said to me.

"Zack?" I asked nervously.

"Yes. You're a friend of his aren't you?"

"Uh...yeah...I...he's doing good I think. He's back on the swim team." I didn't really want to talk about Zack. It brought up issues of responsibility to Danny's memory and here I was in Danny's house.

"Yes, I spoke to his Mother the other day. She keeps me up on how he's doing."

"Oh," I said.

"His Mom said you and he have become really close."

"We're just friends," I said a little too hastily.

"That's okay Jed. You can be friends with Zack. Danny would have wanted Zack to have a good friend like you."

I was now feeling really flustered, embarrassed and nervous at the same time. I was shaking a little.

"He still thinks a lot about Danny. He still misses him terribly," I babbled.

She smiled and reached out and patted my shoulder.

"Honey, it's okay. I'm not worried that you're replacing Danny in Zacks heart."

"I'm not..." I interrupted.

"I know, you're just friends. You know Jed, I want Zack to be happy. I don't want him to spend the rest of his life missing Danny. Danny will always be there somewhere. I know others will come and be a part of Zack and I want that for him. I want him to be happy. So don't feel guilty. Just live your life, and tell Zack to do the same."

I nodded.

"So I'll get you those pictures," she said as she opened the door.

"I can stop by and pick them up," I offered. I didn't want to come back again but I felt I had to say it.

"All right. Or maybe I can leave them with Zack's Mom and you can get them there?"

"That would be okay too," I said, trying not to sound to enthusiastic.

I left her, thinking about what she'd said. Not sure what to make of it. She seemed okay with Zack moving on. That seemed so weird.

The next time I really spoke to Todd - other than about the paper - was at a swim meet. I was there cheering on Zack and taking lots of pictures of him. And of the swim team too; for the school paper of course.

I noticed Todd up in the stands and I decided to go up and say 'Hi.' We'd been a bit awkward around each other at the last paper meeting and I didn't want him to think I was angry he thought I was gay or anything.

"Hey Todd."

"Hey Jed!" he said smiling.

I sat down next to him.

"You here to cheer Zack on?" he asked. There was no malice or anything in the comment. Just a casual question.

"And take pictures for the paper," I said.

"Great," he smiled. "We seem to be getting a lot of great swimming team pictures," he said casually. "Wish we got as many of the football team," and he turned and stared at me, a curious expression on his face.

"Ahh..." I stammered, a little embarrassed.

"It's fine!" he said grinning at me. "Just jerking your chain. Zack's your friend. I know how it is. Just make sure you get a few of the other team members."

I looked at him, a little surprised. "I submit just as many of the rest of the team," I said, a little nervous.

"Yeah," he agreed, "but you don't submit all the ones you take do you?" he smiled. "And the ones of Zack just seem so much better than the others."

Busted. He was almost laughing now.

I was flushed red. I didn't know what to say.

"Don't worry," he said, laughing. "It's okay. As editor I notice that people always seem to write about their friends in greater detail than anyone else."

"Well if you don't like my pictures," I said defiantly.

"I love your pictures," he grinned. Then he looked thoughtful. "Though you could do me a favor."

"What?"

"You don't take many pictures of Billy," he said, seemingly casually, but the smile was a bit tighter.

I rolled my eyes. He was right. I hardly took any pictures of him.

"Don't put that jerk in the paper," I said bitterly.

"Who says I want them for the paper?" he said casually, looking away.

I looked at him carefully. He didn't look back at me and I wondered.

"You want some pictures of Billy huh?"

He looked back at me guilty, and then looked away.

"You like Billy?" I whispered quietly.

He blushed, a nervous smile passed over his face.

"He's a jerk," I said quietly. "You're wasting your time."

He looked back at me, and his eyes were a little wet. He was trying to smile at me as though it was a joke, but I knew it wasn't.

"Are you two?" I whispered.

He shook his head. "No. No. He's...he hate's gays."

"I know," I said.

Todd was looking away and I felt bad for him. He obviously had it bad for Billy. I looked down at Billy. Billy was tall and blond. He strutted around like he owned the place. He was attractive, when he wasn't scowling. Kind of reminded me of Eric von Detton.

Yeah, if you ignored his personality I could understand wanting to jump him. But once he opened his mouth you'd want to throw him off a cliff.

"So you want head shots or full body shots?" I asked casually.

Todd looked back quickly, smiling a little. Then he looked back at the swimmers, and casually said "Yeah."

"Some Speedo close-ups too?" I almost giggled, nudging him a little. I saw Todd smile.

"You get some good ones and you can have any assignment you want," he smiled. Of course, it wasn't like there were assignments on the paper I wanted that I didn't already have, but I laughed.

Then I thought of something.

"You know, I really liked Danny, but I don't think I can go back over to his parents place again."

Todd looked up. He nodded slowly.

"Well those pictures better be pretty good," he said.

"I'll get right on it," I grinned.

I spent the rest of the afternoon taking pictures of Billy. I still had to be careful that no one might think I had a thing for him, but I snapped away, getting lots of great pictures of him smiling and getting ready. I even got some great close-ups of his ass and the bulge in his Speedo.

One shot, taken as he was pulling himself out of the water, looked really hot on the LCD as I was reviewing the pics. The Speedo had slipped down and the top of his pubic hair was just visible. It was as close to pornographic as I could do without slipping into the changing rooms.

When I got home and transferred it to the computer it took my breath away. I had some hot pics of Zack, but this picture oozed sexuality. And I wasn't even attracted to Billy.

I printed it out as an 8 x 10 on my ink jet, along with a few other pictures as 4 x 5's. Then I burned all the other Billy shots I had onto a CD and put them in a large envelope and brought it to the next meeting.

After we'd met as a group and separated to work on different things, I went over to Todd, who was sitting in the corner at a desk typing on a portable computer.

I took the envelope and dropped it on the table beside him.

"What's this?" he asked.

"That's what's going to get me out of any shitty jobs that come along for the rest of the year," I said smirking.

His eyes widened for a minute, and then he calmly picked it up and opened it, being careful that no one was watching, or close by. He slowly pulled out the top picture, the one of Billy getting out of the pool. Even in the poor light of the classroom you could still see the water beading and sliding off his body, his Speedo slipping down his hips, the loose material clinging to his dick, the pubic hair visible. I heard Todd gasp and his hands even shook a little. He looked at it for several seconds, and I thought I could see something moving in his pants. I looked away.

"That's...Man, you do good work," he whispered, shoving the pictures back into the envelope.

I smiled. "Hope you...enjoy them," I said, wagging my eyebrows. He blushed, and I left him to his thoughts.

I don't know if Todd got much work done the rest of the day. I saw him glancing over at the envelope several times. Even slipping it open and looking in again. He saw I was watching him one time and blushed and turned back to his work.

If I were a betting man, I'd have bet money that Todd went right home and jacked off to those pictures.

More than once too.

I saw him the next day at lunch.

"So how many times?" I asked casually.

"What?" he said.

I made the international symbol for jerking off and Todd blushed.

"You're sick!" he said.

"You telling me you didn't?"

He blushed even redder.

"I'm not telling you," he said.

"Come on. I'm your supplier here. Just want to know if the customer is satisfied."

"Very satisfied, thank you."

"So?"

"Fuck off," he laughed.

Zack came over and a couple of other kids joined us and we ate lunch and talked about stuff. I kept an eye on Todd. He was smiling and kept glancing at me and then away.

As we were leaving, Todd said goodbye to Zack and me, and as he was walking away he suddenly called to me.

"Hey, Weinberger," he called.

I looked up and he grinned at me. Then he held up his hand with four fingers showing, and he laughed and turned, and walked away.

I gasped. Four times? In one night! Fuck! He was one horny bastard.

"What was that about?" asked Zack.

"Just how many pictures he needs for something," I lied. Maybe I'd tell him later.

I was a little nervous when we got our grades. Not so much about mine, I just hoped that Zack did well since he'd worked so hard the last few months.

My grades were really good and I was relieved. I'd loved helping Zack but I'd also been a little nervous about how it might affect my own grades. I didn't have to worry; they were fine.

Zack came over and showed me his report. He handed me the envelope with a big smile on his face. He hadn't opened it.

I ripped open the envelope and looked at it. I had to work hard to hide my disappointment; B's, a couple of ABs. And a C. I'd really thought he'd get an A for something as we'd worked really hard. Well, he'd worked really hard. I felt so bad for him. I couldn't believe he'd gotten a C. We had so much more work to do.

I looked up and he had a big smile on his face and I felt so bad. He was going to be crushed.

"How'd I do?" he asked.

"Oh...not bad," I said, and handed it to him, not even able to look him in the face. "You worked really hard, I'm proud of you whatever you get," I said trying to encourage him.

"I got an AB?" He yelled. "I got two, TWO ABs and one C!" And he screamed and jumped around the room.

I guess I missed something.

"Oh Man!" he screamed, waving it in my face and then letting out this loud Whop! "This is the best report I've ever gotten!" And he grabbed me into a hug and was jumping up and down next to me.

"Dude! Ok! Ok!" I said.

The bedroom door opened and my Mom was standing there.

"What's going on in here?" she asked a big smile on her face.

"Look at my awesome report," Zack yelled and bounced over to her and showed her his report. My Mom seemed to clue in immediately that he was happy with it. I knew that if I'd come home with those grades I'd have been in the doghouse for a month.

"Well done, Zack, congratulations!" she said and she hugged him and kissed him on the cheek.

"It's all thanks to Jed," Zack bounced. "I've got to call me folks," he said, "Can I use your phone Jed!"

"Ah sure," I said, and he ran over to the phone and dialed. I watched him as he stood there, bouncing up and down while waiting to get through.

I turned to my Mom and she smiled at me.

"He's excited," I said by way of explanation.

"I can tell," she smiled.

"You would have killed me if I came home with that," I said quietly. I knew Zack couldn't hear me. He was excitedly babbling into the phone reading his report to his Mom.

"Jed, it's not about getting all A's. It's about doing your best work. We're not all the same. Some of us are better at some things than others. We expect you to do the best you're capable of. Nothing more and nothing less. I'm sure Zacks parent's feel the same for him."

Zack had bounced back to us now and had just about the biggest smile I'd ever seen on his face.

He grabbed me into a hug. "I love you man! I got the truck back!"

"The truck?" I said.

"Yeah. I lost the truck last year because my grades were through the floor. You got me the truck back! You're the Man!"

I shook my head. "You got it back, you did all the work!"

Zack just jumped up and down. I think he would have bounced out the window if it had been open.

My mother and I just grinned at each other.

"So what's the truck?" I asked.

"It's a 4Runner."

"You've got a 4Runner?"

"Well my folks paid for it," he said a little embarrassed. "When my grades went down my sister got it, but my Mom just said I can get it back."

"So what does your sister get?" I asked.

"She already has something. She and her husband were using it as their second car. They better not have scratched it or anything."

I was amazed. Zack had had a 4Runner that he'd lost because of his grades and he hadn't even mentioned it. It didn't mean anything to him. If it had been me, I would have spent every minute of my waking life working to get it back.

"Want to go get it?" he suddenly said.

"Where is it?"

"My sisters."

"Yeah, where's your sister?"

"San Diego."

"Dude! That's a day away!" I almost gasped.

"We could fly there! My folks will pay!"

"I'll have to check with my folks," I said, turning to my Mom.

"We'll talk about it," she said. "I'll have to talk to Zacks Mom. Zack, ask your Mom to call me."

"Yes Ma'am" he smiled.

Zack was on cloud 9 the rest of the week. On Friday Zack's parents were going to take us out for a celebratory dinner. Then Saturday we were going to fly out to his sisters, and drive back the next day with his car. That was the plan. My parents were a little unsure about it at first, but Zack's sister said she'd be driving back with us so they said okay.

I was nervous about the dinner, but Zack said he'd make sure we went somewhere casual.

We ended up going to a Chili's Restaurant. I don't think his parents had ever been in one before. Or even were aware they existed. They were really nice people, but his Dad was a high- ranking executive at some computer place and his Mom was a patent attorney. They just moved in different worlds to me.

Zack and I ate a huge meal and were having a great time, chatting and laughing and anticipating the upcoming adventure. We couldn't wait to get started.

It was obvious that Zack's folks were thrilled with how he was doing. I got the impression that a couple of B's would have been enough to get the car back, so he'd really surprised them. I think that's why we got the trip.

Of course, Zack was now a little nervous that they'd be expecting a similar report the next time, but I assured him he'd do at least as well if he kept working hard. Though now he was back in the swim team he had less time for studying. I knew I was going to have my work cut out for me keeping him up on the studying.

I didn't mind at all.

After dessert arrived we were talking a bit about the trip and Zack's Mom said she'd got him something for the trip. An extra present for doing so well. She had this large shopping bag with her and she pulled out of it a package and put it in front of him. He opened it up; it was an iPod MP3 player. He grinned happily and kissed his Mom.

I was happy for him, though a little jealous. I'd got a better report than he did and all I'd got was a 'well done' from Mom and Dad, and pizza for dinner that night. I guess they did let me go on the trip with Zack. But he got a car and an iPod.

I tried really hard to look happy for him. And remind myself that he already had the car.

After Zack had put the player down on the chair beside him his Mom suddenly acted like she'd forgotten something.

"Oh, I think there was something else in here for Jed," she said.

I was a little surprised. For a second I fantasized that maybe they'd got me an iPod too. Then I dismissed the idea. That would be too much to ask for.

But she took out this large box and put it down on the table and I just stared at it. I had no idea what it was. I looked at Zack and he had this huge smile on his face.

"Go on, open it," he prompted, and I got the idea he knew what it was.

I looked back at Zack's Mom for some sign of what this was.

"Jed, this is just a tiny way of thanking you for everything you've done for Zack the past few months..." she began.

I went to object but she held up her hand to silence me and kept on talking.

"Now we know you did it as a friend, and we don't want this to change your relationship with Zack. This isn't a bribe or anything. It's a thank you present that we hope you'll accept. We know Zack hopes you'll like it, he spent a lot of time making sure it was exactly the right thing."

I was a little nervous now. I didn't want to get my expectation's up too high as it might just be some CDs or something, but I was still just a little hopeful for an iPod.

I carefully pulled off the edge of the paper, slowly revealing the box, and then I saw what it was and my hand froze. I think I gasped. I turned to Zack and he looked at me with huge eyes. "Is it what you wanted?" he asked breathlessly.

"It's for me?" I asked, still shocked. I couldn't believe it.

"Yes!"

"No," I said, "I can't accept it." I said.

"Why not?"

"It's too much!" I said.

"It's okay Man. It's for you. You earned it! Take it! I want you to have it."

"I couldn't...my parents wouldn't..." I began.

"You Mom said it was okay," he grinned, "though she said if you break it she's not buying you another one!"

I grinned, then I slowly reached out and pulled the box closer to me, pulling the paper off and then slowly opening it. Inside was a Nikon digital SLR camera body.

"Oh, and there's this," said Zack's Mom, and she pulled out another little box. I took it and opened it. It was a lens for the camera.

I took the lens and was trying to put it on the body and my hands were shaking too much. I just put them down to collect myself for a moment.

"It good?" Zack asked leaning in close.

"Yeah, it's just..." and I didn't know what to say so I just hugged him hard.

"Okay! Okay!" said Zack laughing. "I get that you like it!"

We flew down to San Diego the next day. It had already been worked out that we would start the trip back that afternoon. We'd drive about six hours and sleep over night at a motel, then do the last half of the trip the next day. Zack and I wanted to do the whole trip in one day, not wimp out and do half one day and half the other. But we were overruled by our folks. I think my Mom was the one who originally suggested it, but Zacks parents agreed it was the right thing to do, and that was that. And since Zack's sister was coming with us, we'd have to do what we were told.

I spent most of the trip down playing with the camera. Zack was getting sick of me taking pictures of him by the time we got off the plane.

Zacks sister Sarah met us at the airport. She was just like him. Well, a little shorter, and long hair, but otherwise very similar physically. It was kind of shocking in a way. I'd never seen a brother and sister who looked so much alike. Or for that matter, two brothers that I could think of.

Oddly though, I felt no attraction to her. Well, maybe it was because she was about eight years older than I was. Though she didn't act like an old woman. She and Zack were laughing and joking as soon as they stopped hugging. She gave me a hug too, a little to my surprise.

She'd brought the 4Runner to the airport. It had obviously been washed and waxed, and it looked cool. A metallic blue paint job. Zack did a quick recon to make sure his sister hadn't dented it. His sister stood there, her hands on her hips and an amused expression on her face. She'd told him it was in perfect order, but he wasn't taking her word for it.

We went back to her house and had lunch. We also met her husband and kind of hung out for a bit. Zack and I were really itching to get on the road, but his sister was in no hurry.

We eventually left around one, his sister driving for an hour, then Zack took over for a couple of hours. We stopped off for a bathroom break, and then I drove for two hours, and then Sarah drove the last hour. It was a little after 7 when she pulled into a motel that she'd already planned for us to stop at. Zack and I had tried to persuade her to let us go on.

"Come on Sarah!," Zack whined, "if we keep going we could be home by one!"

"And what would happen then?" she countered.

"What?"

"You'd lose the car for another year."

"Yeah, yeah," he said sadly. We knew we had to do what we were told.

We ended up having dinner at a place just down the road, and then settled back in our rooms. Zack and I were sharing (we each had our own bed) and Sarah was in an adjacent room. Sarah said she was tired and going to sleep right away, but Zack and I were still kind of wound up, so we ended up watching a movie on TV. Then we took turns in the bathroom and I turned out the light and hopped into bed.

We lay there, in separate beds, chatting a little. Zack was talking about what he wanted to do with the car. How he'd wished he'd had it to go on skiing trips during the winter. I said we could still go to Lake Tahoe or somewhere like that.

"It's great you've got a car," I was gushing, "now you can pick me up after the newspaper meetings."

Sometimes I was working late on the school paper and getting home was a drag as I had to call Mom. Sometimes Zack could do it, but only if his folks were home and he could use the car.

Zack was quiet for a moment and I figured he was tired.

"Well, I'm gonna go to sleep," I said to Zack.

"Yeah," Zack croaked, and then sniffed. I didn't pay any attention. I just lay there trying to get to sleep.

But as I lay there, I kept hearing Zack sniffing and breathing kind of hard. I hoped he wasn't getting sick.

"You okay dude?" I said.

He didn't answer.

I got up on me elbow.

"Zack?"

Still no answer. I climbed out of bed and crept over to his bed. I could see he was curled up in a ball, and the covers were up around his head.

"Zack?" I said softly.

"I'm okay," he said, sounding anything but. I went around to the other side of the bed so I was by his face.

"Zack? What's the problem?"

I pulled the covers down and even in the poor light of the room could see the tears running down his face.

"I killed him," he whispered.

"What?" I said.

"I killed Danny," and he started sobbing and buried his head in the pillow.

------------------------------- To be continued...

My other stories:

Celebrity: Boy Bands: All The Ways I Love You

Celebrity: Boy Bands: Birthday Blues