--lol Sooo its only been almost 3 years since the last chapter, but I figured it deserved some sort of ending. So, same rules apply- if you don't like gay erotica, move along-if you do, enjoy. And again, sorry folks lol-
I remained in the hospital those couple days like the doctor ordered. My mother and Nick showed up everyday to keep me company and see how I was doing. Even Kial showed up once. The distraction from thinking about what to do when I got out of the hospital was much needed.
The first day back to school was definitely different. People gawked, stared, and even snickered. It bothered me, but I just shrugged it off. I had dealt with so much emotionally that I just couldn't let something else drag me down. Surprisingly, both Andy and Mark weren't at school. Kial was there for me, though. Thank god for friends.
"It's getting...better." Kial commented on the face as we sat in our normal seats at the cafeteria.
"Don't bullshit me, Kial. I found it hard to even look at myself this morning" I replied.
"Don't be so hard on yourself," He laughed. "It's kind of like a 'badass' look"
"Well, that has always been a goal of mine" I said smiling as I played with the pizza I had bought for lunch.
We ate in silence for awhile. I looked around the room from time to time, noticing the people looking at me. There were some here and there. Okay, there were tons here and there. It could have been my face. Maybe everyone earlier was just gawking and snickering at how beat up I look. It's a possibility.
"It's not your face. It's definitely your new status, you homo you" Kial said with a wink.
"Huh? What are you talking about?" I asked, confused that he managed to read my mind.
Kial giggled a bit. "I saw the way you were looking around. I just figured you were wondering what the looks were for"
"You think everyone here is that closed-minded?" I asked curiously.
He took a bite out of his meatball sandwich and nodded his head. I lowered my head a bit and played with a pepperoni slice.
"You ever gonna tell your mom? He asked.
"Eventually" I replied.
"Eventually, like when?"
"Eventually like, when I feel like it. Fuck. Why?" I asked a little frustrated.
Kial backed off. "Sorry. Just wondering is all. Christ"
"I'm sorry. I'm just...a little messed in the head right now. Too much shit to deal with, you know?"
"I guess," Kial replied. "So, um, you talk to Mark or Andy at all?"
"Nah," I said, pushing the barely eaten slice of pizza to the side. "But, I do seriously need to talk to them"
"Oh..." He asked.
"Yeah well, I kinda made a decision. I just need to talk to them both, you know?"
"Well, aren't you gonna tell me, dude?"
"Nah man, I'd rather wait until I talk to them. Besides, I'm skipping last period. My mom's picking me up for something, so I better get going. I'll catch you later." I said, as I stood from my seat and heading out of the cafeteria.
The stares continued on the way out. I just looked straight-ahead. It wasn't worth it.
My mother picked me up at the front of the school exactly when she said she would. I sat in the car and smiled at her. She caressed the top of my head for a second before starting up the car again and heading away from the school.
I didn't bother asking where she was taking me. I didn't much care, actually. I figured I'd find out sooner or later anyway. I just sat in the car, fiddling with the radio stations until I found something good enough to listen to.
"Are you ever going to tell me what exactly happened that day in school, Ricky hun?" My mother asked gently without taking her eyes off the road.
"What's to know, mom? I got beat up. That's all" I responded.
"The question is why, though? There must have been a reason, Ricky" My mom countered.
She looked over at me this time. I didn't look back. Slowly, the car began to pullover to the side. Yet confused, I continued to not look over. And that's when it happened. The question above all questions.
"Ricky, are you gay?"
My eyes widened. My fingers sweat. I was shocked and scared at the same time. I didn't know what to say. Do I tell her and get it over with? Do I not tell her and not risk the reaction? She'd have to find out sooner or later. Or does she? Fuck! There was too much to think about. I really can't take this anymore. Everything is becoming a nightmare. Mark and Andy, school life becoming a bitch, and now having to my mother flat out ask me if I was gay was just too much to handle. I freaked.
"Fuck! Does it even fucking matter, mom? Does it!?" I yelled.
My face began to burn. I could have almost felt it becoming red. I covered the side of my face with my hand. She had hit me. Never before had she done that. Not since I was a kid anyway. I could feel tears being produced in my eyes, waiting to escape. I didn't quite tell her, but she knew I was.
I had read it many times in 'coming-out' websites. The number one rule -'Never reveal yourself out of anger. It just makes it worse'. Yet, as much as I told myself I wouldn't have. And as many times as I told myself I was going to do it in such a way that my mother would have to still love me. I messed up.
I reached over to open my side of the door, but my mom had pushed the auto-lock. I banged on the door pathetically, crying out in both disgust in myself and regret. My mother grabbed me by the arm and pulled me into her as hard as she probably could. With one hand on my head, she pushed it into her chest, laying her head on my shoulder as we cried out in the middle of the road, not caring who or what may see us.
I was free. I had finally told her. Though not exactly how I had planned it, it was done. I knew then that she had accepted me for who I was. It was a great feeling. We remained in our position for at least five minutes. Her shirt was now a nice shade of wet.
"I'm sorry I hit you, baby. I honestly had no idea, I just, well...," She tried to continue, but I realized it was hard for her to. She didn't know what to say. Hell, I didn't know either.
"No, no mom. It was my fault. I shouldn't have sworn at you. I'm sorry"
"I'll forgive you, if you can find it in your heart to forgive me" she said, as she gently smiled through her red, teary eyes.
I nodded and reached my arms over to hug her again. At that moment, I realized I'm one of the lucky ones.
We drove home in silence. But a good silence. I was accepted.
My mother and I decided to just head home instead of traveling to wherever she had thought of taking me. It still didn't matter to me where. So I didn't ask.
Things definitely seemed to be looking up for me. My mother now knows all about me and that means no more hiding and faking, because frankly, I'm sick and tired of living my life as a lie. I'm fucking tired of having to pretend with everyone; parents and people at school. I'm tired of having to live my life worried about what others might say about me. I'm sick of not being happy. I mean, I was happy, but no one can really say they're completely happy until they start being themselves in every aspect.
The next couple days, I stayed to myself. I didn't answer any calls or go anywhere with anyone. I spent my time with my mother. We talked about a lot of stuff. Obviously the curious, confused questions had to be answered for her since parents always seem to have questions about the whole topic. I kind of enjoyed it, though. It was easier knowing she was alright with everything.
I decided to tell her everything. I told her about Andy and how I came to know Mark and the whole damn thing. She had some great input on everything. I listened, but I had my own opinions on things. And frankly, what I think does mean more. But I totally respected what she had to say. And honestly, a lot of what she had to say did make me think. Was I going to make the best decision for myself? I really didn't know. But I did know that Andy and Mark deserved an answer, and though someone may get hurt, it had to be done.
I decided to invite them both over for dinner. I made plans with my mother to go out for the night to give me a chance to talk to them. I didn't know exactly how to do this. I've never had to before. I really didn't want to hurt anyone. I'd rather cry everyday of my life then see someone I cared about cry once. Okay a little overdramatic, but you get the idea.
"Hey guys..," I said as we sat on the living room sofa, staring around the room.
No one really knew what to say. So I figured I'd explain everything, considering they weren't completely aware of everything. I told Andy the story about Mark, and told Mark all about Andy. Neither of them took it quite lightly.
"Why did you do it?," Andy asked. "What did I do wrong?"
"Nothing, Andy. Nothing at all. I just...I dunno, its hard to explain" I answered.
"Oh? Well try, Ricky. Because frankly neither of us really deserved this shit" Mark said.
I went silent for a bit, searching for words. I didn't have too many. I felt ashamed and disgusted with myself.
"Guys, I...sigh I didn't think it was that bad, you know. I bet you guys would have done the same thing in my position." I replied, finally.
"How do you figure?" Andy replied back. "I loved you. I really fucking loved you. I would never have played you. So I was totally right before at school, huh? You really were losing it for me"
"Did you even have anything to lose with me?" Mark asked.
"No, I was never losing it for you Andy. And Mark, don't be dumb. I cared for you a lot. You both mean a lot to me" I replied, nervously.
"Do you realize how much of a whore you sound right now?" Mark asked.
My eyes widened, yet my head went down. It usually happens that way; you may feel bad about something you did, but people always have to make you feel even worse. But, then I thought. I thought about all the times he was an asshole to me. It all started coming back to me. It's not that I forgot. But it wasn't like he was perfect himself.
"Excuse me? Fuck you! A whore? Common, Mark. I know I did something wrong and bad, but do you even remember how you treated me throughout the time we were together. You were great to me when we were alone. As soon as one of your retarded friends came along, boom! You became whole different person and not one I would want to be around" I said in retaliation.
Mark began to open his mouth, but quickly shut it. He didn't have a defense. He knew he was just as wrong as I was. His face began to turn a shade of red-possibly embarrassment or frustration. Either one, I don't care. He deserved it.
"But..," Andy began. "What did I do"
For a second I thought I had something to say. But, as I tried finding it in my head, I couldn't. Andy really hadn't done a thing. Fuck. What have I done?
"I'm sorry..." I said, looking in Andy's direction.
He simply nodded his head and began to stare at the floor.
"Alright, listen. I brought you here because I wanted to both tell you about each other and tell you what I decided to do. I really do love and care for you both. But, I can't choose either of you. Andy, you don't deserve me. I'm not the kind of guy you need. You need someone who's going to be as good to you as you are to them. You're an awesome guy and I'm sorry for hurting you. As for Mark, I fucking always admired you at school. And when you came out to me, I couldn't believe it. But, you're really an asshole. And although I may have been a prick, I still don't think I deserve you. And...yeah, that's all I had to say." I said.
Again, silence. Nobody spoke. We must have sat in silence for a good five minutes before anybody made another attempt at conversation. Andy broke the silence.
"sigh I hate what you did to me, but I'm going to forgive you. But, I don't wanna be your friend anymore. Maybe later on in life I'll want you back in my life, but not now. But I will thank you for everything. It was fun" Andy said.
I was shocked. I mean, I knew he'd be hurt. But I didn't want to not be his friend anymore. But I had to respect his decision. It was what he wanted. Andy walked over to give me a hug and I accepted. He gave me one gentle peck on the cheek and walked out of the house, flashing one last smile with a tear in his eye. My eyes began to tear up themselves. I looked over at Mark and saw him stand up too.
"Basically Ricky, same deal goes for me. Sorry for the whole Johnny thing and treated you harsh and stuff. But, I think it would be best if we just didn't talk anymore either. Besides, you might interfere with me and Andy anyway" Mark said.
"Huh? You and Andy?" I asked, confused.
"Well, these past couple days we started talking and such. It's nothing serious. I don't even think Andy knows I like him yet. But we'll see" He said.
"You going to treat him differently too when you guys aren't alone? You know he doesn't deserve it" I said.
"Nah. I'm going to change. I should start being myself. It's the way to be. And if my friends don't like it, then I guess they just aren't great friends" He replied.
I didn't believe him. But I let it go. I stood up myself and reached over to shake Mark's hand. He took it and then began towards the door. I flashed a gentle little smile, but he didn't even look back. I leaned against the glass door and watched as he walked away. A tear rolled down my eye.
The next few months went by roughly, but I couldn't completely complain. My mom and I have a great relationship now, even better then before. And she's great support when I'm feeling down. I hadn't seen Andy since that day at my house. I respected his decisions to not see me anymore. I hoped he may have passed by the house or something, but he hasn't. He still talks to my brother from time to time, but I don't ask Nick how he's doing or anything.
School got better after learning to ignore people. Everyone did start refraining from commented or snickering at me. I guess everything eventually does get old and boring. I do see Mark sometimes around the halls, but he looks the other direction. It doesn't bother me much. Kial was a good friend when it came to having someone to talk to in school.
"How you taking everything, Ricky?" Kial randomly asked one day at school.
"Not too bad. I've learned to deal with it, you know. I still get sad sometimes, I dunno, ask me when I find a boyfriend" I replied with a gently laugh.
"I'll make a note of it" He responded with a smile.
"Hey, have you seen Mark or Andy at all? I don't know what going on with either of them"
"Not really. I did see them making out about a month ago behind the school, but that's all I know"
"Oh," I began "I guess that's cool"
"Aw c'mon, man. Cheer up. Hey, what's the difference between a blowjob and anal sex?" He asked.
"I dunno," I smiled gently. "What?"
"A blowjob makes you whole day. Anal sex makes you whole weak"
"You pervert," I laughed. "That was good, though."
"Anything to help out a friend" He replied proudly.
"Thanks Kial. I mean it"
The End
It's been about 3 years, but I can finally say this story is done lol Thanks to everyone who used to love this story off and sorry for the major delay but life's a fucker sometimes. You can email me at X_plicit33@hotmail.com with wutever u wanna tell me..good or bad.. later