"Reality of a Guardian Angel" By: Phantom Writer
Legal Stuff: This material is not meant to be read by anyone under 18. If you're offended by literature with homosexual themes, step off! If not, read on. This is a work of FICTION. Therefore, the author makes no claims as to the sexual orientation of any member of *N Sync.
Side Note: This is part 3 of "Reality..." For those just starting to read this story, please read the previous installments of "Dream of a Guardian Angel" and "Reality of a Guardian Angel." As always, for anyone who would like to send comments or suggestions, please do so. (phantomwriter73@hotmail.com)
Special Thanks: Thanks to everyone who provided feedback on the previous installments. And of course, to all the readers!
Previously...from "Reality of a Guardian Angel: Coming to Grips"
I sat on my couch and started thinking about nothing and everything. Less than a week ago, I had been a different person. Now, I had five of the best friends I could have ever thought to have at this time in my life. Better yet, I had my soul mate. I decided to get busy packing to keep my mind off missing Lance. I found it funny, still, that I had connected to Lance so deeply in such a short time. I used to think love at first sight was only possible in dreams, but I was living the reality of it. I was staring to come to grips with the new life I so desperately needed, and luckily had found.
And now, "Reality of a Guardian Angel: A New Insight"
Thursday came and I was back in Orlando before I knew it. Once I returned to Lance's apartment, I got teary-eyed when I pulled out MY key to Lance's apartment. I still was in awe at the love Lance and I felt for one another.
I relished the thought of being able to hold him in my arms. The phone rang, and I was startled out of my thoughts.
"Hello." I figured it was Lance calling since he knew I would be in today.
"Who is this?" An unfamiliar woman's voice asked.
"Well, considering this is an unpublished number, would you mind telling me who you are before I answer?" I was not about to just talk to anyone. Lance had mentioned that he occasionally had to change his phone number when fans or the media found out his number.
"Well, my name is Diana Bass. And you are?"
"Oh, Lance's mom! Hello, I'm Jason. I'm house sitting for Lance while he's gone. He should be back tomorrow evening. Should I tell him to call?" I was rambling on nervously, not prepared to talk to my closeted boyfriend's mother.
"Jason, was it? Jason, tell Lance to call me when he gets back to Orlando. By the way, are you the same Jason from the tabloid pictures?"
"Yes ma'am." I didn't know where this was going.
"I'm so sorry about your family. I just picked up one of those horrid gossip magazines to see if my baby's image had been cleaned up and read the story they published as a retraction to those awful things printed last week. I'm just sorry that you had to make public such private things to restore Lance's image. I don't know why people would think Lance is gay. He's a fine young Christian man and would never become such an abomination in the eyes of God." Lance's mom waited for a response.
"I'm sorry. I haven't read the tabloids yet. Would you mind if I let you go so I can read the story myself?" I couldn't continue talking to Diana. I wasn't prepared to face the whole 'My son's not GAY' thing.
"Sure, I'm sorry. I figured you would have been anxious as well to have that whole GAY thing rectified and would have already read the story. You're in my prayers. Take care, and be sure to tell Lance to call first thing."
"I will. Good-bye." I couldn't have talked to that woman another minute. She reminded me of my mother, the part of my mother that had rejected me when I came out.
I called Lance on his cell phone the instant I hung up with Diana. I was shaking and had to sit on the couch and calm down. Lance answered after about four rings and sounded exhausted.
"Hello?"
"Boo..." I started crying before I could even tell him what was wrong.
"Jase, what's wrong? Are you OK?" Lance was getting upset from my emotional condition.
"Y...your mom just called."
"What's wrong, did something bad happen at home?" Lance was really worried now.
"No, nothing like that. She...she just said some things...that brought back some bad memories. Lance, I...I couldn't talk to her! She kept saying things like 'I don't know why people would think Lance is GAY' and 'Lance would never become an abomination is the eyes of God!' She sounded just like my mother! So full of hate and judgement." I started sobbing again.
"Oh, Jase. I'm so sorry she put you through that. It's hard enough for me to deal with it, but I can't imagine how you're feeling. I wish I could be there..." Lance choked up. Then someone took the phone from Lance.
"Hey Jase, Lance had to step away for a minute. Is everything OK?" Joey sounded concerned.
"Hey Red. I'll be OK. I just can't wait 'til y'all get back here. I miss all of you, especially my Boo. Joey, is Lance OK?" I had calmed down. I felt bad about upsetting Lance and was starting to get worried.
"Jase, he's fine. It's just he's been missin' you. I guess it caught up to him." Joey sighed.
"Well, can Lance come back to the phone?" I didn't want to sound rude, but I needed to know that Lance was OK.
"Sure, here he is. Take care." Joey handed the phone to Lance.
"Hey you. I'm sorry. I didn't want to upset you any more than you are. I just wish I could hold you and tell you everything's gonna be OK." Lance sighed heavily.
"Hearing you voice is enough to get me through the night. I just can't wait until you get back. I miss you. By the way, when's your flight due in?" I needed to change the subject.
"Uh...let me see. I think we have an afternoon arrival. We're flying back after a radio show we're doing in the morning. Let's see...we arrive at 4:35PM. Will you be there?" Lance asked in a childish voice.
"Of course! Hey, ask Justin what time his mom is due back in the States. Maybe we could meet her at the airport." I had just remembered Justin wanted me to meet his mom and not to make any plans for Friday night.
"Hold on...Jase, Justin says she's arriving at 3:50PM. Justin wants to know if you could meet her at the gate so we could all go back to Justin's house together. Do you know what she looks like?" Lance asked in a serious tone.
"Yah, I remember her from some pictures in Justin's house. Besides, I could always just hold up a sign for Lynn Harliss, you know." I got the best idea as I spoke to Lance. I started grinning to myself.
"Cool! We'll see you tomorrow afternoon. I love you." Lance spoke softly in his deep, sexy voice.
"I love you too! See y'all tomorrow." I hung up and felt so much better.
That night, I grabbed one of Lance's shirts to sleep in. I could smell him, and I got the first good night's sleep since we had been apart. That night, I had a startling dream. I was standing on the side of a stage, somewhere. I looked up and saw a huge stage light swaying vicariously directly above JC. I caught the glimmer of a metal object falling seconds before the light started to fall. I ran toward JC and pushed him out of the way of the falling light moments before is crashed onto the stage. I woke up suddenly.
I was shaking and couldn't get the eerie feeling to fade. I looked at the clock. It was 6:30AM. I decided to get up and start the day. Maybe I could forget about my dream if I kept busy.
That morning, I went to the bank that I had transferred some of my funds to, and signed the signature cards and verified the investment accounts I had requested. I met with the branch manager, wanting to get to know who was in charge of the place I had put several million dollars on deposit in various accounts.
Around noon, I went to a Chevrolet dealership and bought an onyx black Tahoe LT. I paid for the vehicle in full. (Why pay interest?) I drove off the lot just in time to go to the costume store and pick up one of those cheesy Chauffeur Outfits with the hat, and donned my Ray Ban sunglasses. I pulled into a secured parking lot of the airport with 20 minutes to spare. I made a sign that read Lynn Harliss and stood near the baggage claim area with the rest of the Chauffeurs. At nearly 4PM, Lynn walked up to me and identified herself as Lynn Harliss. I asked her to follow me to the private lounge where Justin, JC, Lance, Joey and Chris would be escorted.
On the way to the lounge, Lynn asked me who had ordered the special pick-up.
I told her Justin had made the arrangements since the guys would be landing in Orlando so close to her flight from Europe. Lynn smiled and asked me to wait with her until the guys were able to leave the plane. Less than thirty minutes later, the door opened and Justin, JC, Lance, Joey and Chris entered the lounge and rushed to greet Lynn.
"I'm so glad to see you. I'm sorry for being such an ass lately, but we can talk about that later. Did Jase meet you at the gate?" Justin was excited to see his mother, but also curious as to why I 'wasn't' with Lynn.
"I guess he got caught up, or something. But I was greeted by the Chauffeur that you requested." Lynn motioned her head in my direction.
"Chauffeur? I didn't request a Chauffeur. Hey guys, did one of you request a Chauffeur to meet my mom at the gate?" Justin was baffled. That's when I decided to make my presence known.
"No, but I did." I removed my dark shades and took off my hat.
"You SHIT!" Lance ran toward me and hugged me before ever thinking about Lynn being in the room. Luckily, JC, Justin, Chris and Joey moved toward me and gave me hugs, one by one. Lynn never commented about Lance's enthusiasm.
"Justin told me you were a hand full. I can't believe I've been sitting here with you for almost an hour and you never let me know you were THE JASE I've heard so much about. I feel like I need to introduce myself. I'm Lynn Harliss, but call me Lynn." Lynn moved toward me. I expected a handshake, but was given a warm hug instead.
No one could have known that Lynn's hug would have such an emotional impact on me. There is just something about a mother's hug that can't be replicated by others. As Lynn hugged me tightly, I pulled my arms around her. When she released me, I didn't let go. Now picture this, I'm 6'4" and 240lbs. I'm not overly muscled, but I am a BIG person, frame and all. Lynn, on the other hand, was so small and frail compared to me, the scene was rather like David and Goliath.
I couldn't hold in the tears. I didn't sob loudly, but tears fell down my face and I began to feel weak in the knees. Lynn didn't understand my emotional response, but she continued to hold me and whispered into my ear that it was going to be all right. I got control of my emotions, and released Lynn from our embrace. I turned around and moved toward the door. Lance stopped me and hugged me before we entered the public area of the airport. I looked deeply in his eyes and knew he loved me and wished he could take away my pain. Again, Lynn never said anything about Lance's show of affection toward me.
Airport Security had done a good job keeping the guys return to Orlando manageable. We made it to the special parking area I had parked without incident. Everyone, including Lynn, was confused when they saw no limo. I continued walking and unlocked my new Tahoe with the remote.
"Your chariot awaits." I said this as I opened the back doors and started putting the suitcases in.
"Nice ride, but you flew in from Dallas. How did you get your vehicle here?" Chris asked as he handed me his suitcase.
"I did fly in from Dallas, but I bought this Tahoe today." I continued packing everyone's luggage into the back. I closed the doors and everyone started piling in. The guys were courteous enough to let Lynn sit up front, even though I could tell Lance was dying to sit up front with me.
I drove everyone back to Justin's house. Luckily, I didn't take a wrong turn and look like a total PRAT! Once I pulled into the driveway, everyone got out and started unloading the luggage. Lynn grabbed me by the arm, and took me inside the house. Justin, JC, Lance, Chris and Joey brought the luggage in several minutes later and found me sobbing in Lynn's lap in the den. No one spoke. There was really nothing anyone could say but me.
Lance did his best not to let anyone see the tears building in his eyes. But after several minutes, Lance slowly walked over to Lynn and me and knelt down beside me. His tears slid from his eyes as he watched me cry. Lynn looked at Lance, but said nothing. Everyone was speechless. I opened my eyes and saw that everyone was staring at me intently. I didn't want to talk. I knew everyone except Lynn understood. But then again, I owed Lynn an explanation.
"I'm sorry. I never meant to..." I couldn't finish speaking as I sat up from Lynn's lap. Everyone took a seat in one place or another.
"Jason, honey. You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to." Lynn patted my back as she said this.
"Yes, I do. These guys know the whole story, but I owe you an explanation. I know you're not accustomed to having strangers fall apart emotionally not once, but twice in one day, and you're the apparent cause." Lynn looked at my teary eyes.
"Justin told me about you losing your family. It must be tough, so you don't have to explain." Lynn smiled.
"Well, I disagree. I want you to know that I'm not some unstable fool that could possibly threaten you, your son, or anyone else. I NEED you to understand. When you hugged me at the airport, it reminded me of the last time I had come home and my parents met me at the airport. Like you, my mother is, was, shorter than I am. So I had to lean down to hug her. When you hugged me, it just made the memories come flooding back. Then, when you brought me into the den and asked me if I needed to talk...that was something my mother always tried to get me to do, but I couldn't." My tears were flowing freely and I wasn't sure if I could do what I needed to do. I didn't feel I had the strength to tell Lynn about being gay.
"Why couldn't you talk to your mother? There should never be anything a son should feel they can't tell their mother." Lynn was not looking at me, but at Justin. Justin had gone pale.
"Excuse me." Justin stood quickly and ran to the bathroom.
"Lynn, do you HONESTLY believe that? It is easy to say, but do you believe that in your heart? Because if you don't, saying that only leads to pain. My mother used to tell me the same thing, and when I finally told her what was on my mind, she refused to listen, she..." I looked at Lance, needing him desperately to hold me and keep me safe.
"I'm going to go check on Justin." JC left. The emotions were too tense, and he was truly concerned about Justin.
"Jason. There is nothing my son or any of these guys could say to make me stop loving them. So..." I cut Lynn off.
"Yes, you may love them, but sometimes it's the respect that's important. You should respect their feelings and not dismiss them..." Lance had taken all he could handle. He hugged me, letting me cry on his shoulder.
Justin and JC returned and gasped when they saw me embracing Lance with Lynn sitting on the other side of me. Lynn walked over to Justin and noticed his puffy, red eyes. JC walked over to where Lynn had been sitting and rubbed my back, letting me know he was there to help me through this if he could.
"Mom, I need to talk to you." Justin's tears returned.
"Oh honey, what is it. You can tell me anything, you know that." Lynn pulled Justin down to sit by her on the love seat.
"I'm...I'm..." Justin couldn't say the words he needed to say.
"Your what? Are you sick, or in danger of something?" Lynn truly had no clue.
"NO, I'M GAY!" Justin buried his face in his hands as he sobbed violently.
Lynn, in apparent shock, stood up and walked out of the room. She never looked back, never knowing that every minute she spent away from Justin made him feel more and more rejected. I had stopped crying and looked over to see Justin the moment he told Lynn he was gay. When Lynn got up, I moved over to the love seat and pulled Justin into a tight hug. Justin never looked at me, as his sobs became more overwhelming. I held him as my pain and sadness turned into anger. I motioned JC to come hold Justin. As I stood up, Joey and Chris moved over to me, apparently knowing I was pissed.
"Jase, don't. Give her time. It can't be easy..." I cut Joey off before he could finish.
"Don't say it can't be easy for her. Look at Justin! Being gay is a hell of a lot more difficult for Justin than it is for Lynn. This is the same exact SHIT my family pulled. It was all about how difficult it was for THEM to have a gay son, brother, whatever. It was like being gay was MY fault and I was choosing to hurt my family. IT DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY! Why can't people just love and RESPECT one another, no matter what differences they have! And look where that got me. My family was killed being ashamed of me because they couldn't respect who I was. Tell me, how can it be so easy for your loved ones to say they love you and yet not show it when you need it the most. Can anyone tell me that?" I started crying again. Lynn walked back into the den.
"Justin, how can you be gay? How can you do this to me!" Lynn was shocked and a bit angry.
"What?" Justin was devastated by Lynn's words. He moved from the love seat and backed himself into the corner, collapsing to the floor. JC ran to Justin's side and held him as he cried violently. I went off!
"You know, this is exactly what I feared the most. I could've never prepared Justin for this kind of shit. I WOULDN'T. I wouldn't want him to dread the one thing most people cherish in a relationship: HONESTY. You asked how Justin could do this to you. What did he do to you other than be HONEST! Justin is the one who has to live in a world that doesn't readily accept homosexuality. Justin is the one who will have to hide who he really is, even more so now, because he is a celebrity. Tell me, exactly, how does any of this DO anything to YOU?" I had tears running down my face as Joey and Chris moved me to sit down on the love seat. Lance quickly moved beside me as I fell apart. This was exactly what I had feared would happen. Justin had been so distraught after coming out to the guys. Now, his own mother had seemingly turned against him.
"Justin, why now? This is the worse possible moment for you to come out. What do you think will happen with the release of 'No Strings Attached' when the world finds out that one of the members of *N Sync is GAY! Good GOD, the majority of your fans are girls who want nothing more that to be the one girl Justin Timberlake loves! Why would you do this to yourself?" Lynn was in hysterics. Justin buried his face in JC's arms and continued to cry. JC was furious and tears of rage ran down his cheeks.
"HOW DARE YOU SAY THAT! Are you so damn naïve that you think Justin CHOSE to be gay? Do you know how hard he tried to be straight and date girls just to keep up appearances? Do...you know how...miserable he has been...for the last few months? I can't count...the nights I heard...him cry himself to sleep. Now I know why. He feared THIS. HE FEARED YOU!" JC was sobbing hysterically.
Everyone was in a state of shock. Lynn was completely blown away by what JC had said. She knew Justin had been distant for some time, but she never knew how troubled he had really been. Lynn began to comprehend all that had been said, and implied. She look at me as I began to speak in a soft, controlled voice, forcing everyone in the room to strain to hear what I was saying.
"Of all the people in my life, up until now, only one person showed me that no matter how bad things seemed, or how miserable I thought life was, they loved and respected me unconditionally. My grandmother told me that everyone dislikes the ones they love at least once in their life. But that doesn't mean you stop loving them. Even when she scolded me or was upset at something I had done I still knew she loved me without question. I regret I never had the courage to tell her I'm gay before she died. Perhaps if I had, her wisdom would have made my family realize that they needed to let me know they still loved me, even when that's not what they said. Maybe then, my grandmother could have saved me the pain I will continue to feel for the rest of my life by making my family realize that accusation and disrespect were not the solution to how they felt. And, Lynn, if you can't do that for your son, then I know five others who will. Don't let your disbelief and confusion act as the wedge that pushes your son away for good. You never know what tomorrow brings." Tears rolled down my cheeks as silence filled the room. Lynn walked toward Justin and JC.
"How long have you loved him, Josh?" Lynn spoke softly, without anger this time.
"I think since the day we first met. Justin fills the void I've felt for so long in my soul, and makes me whole." JC couldn't continue speaking, his emotions overwhelming him.
"Justin, please understand that I don't understand what makes you gay, or why you're gay. Just know that I have, and always will love you more than life itself. I'm so sorry about the way I reacted, and if my ignorance causes me to lose you, I don't think I could keep going on. Honey, please give me another chance?" Lynn was sobbing as she knelt beside Justin. Justin looked into his mother's eyes and saw the pain she felt as she realized how wrong she had been for her reaction to him being gay. Justin hugged his mother and cried, huddled on the floor.
When I saw Lynn and Justin reconcile their differences, I turned to Lance as the tears fell steadily down my face. Lance hugged me as my sobs overtook me. I had witnessed something I could never have. Lance's tears warmed my neck as they fell from his face. Lance held me tight, never saying a word. He knew the tears that fell from my eyes this time were tears of joy.
"If anyone in this world can make Justin happy, I honestly believe you are the one." Lynn pulled JC into her hug with Justin, letting them both know she loved and accepted them. Even more important, she respected their love for one another.
Minutes later, Lynn, Justin and JC stood and walked over to where I was still crying on Lance's shoulder. I don't know how or when, but the next thing I knew, Justin was the one embracing me. I looked into his eyes and saw such gratitude and adoration. He spoke silently to me through his gaze.
I couldn't keep from breaking down again.
"Jase, you ARE my guardian angel. I will love you 'til my dying day for what you've done for me. I would have never known my true love or been able to face my friends or my mom and told them I was gay and still had them in my life. I..." Justin's tears returned.
Justin and I held each other and cried. Lance became so upset, that JC, Joey and Chris took him upstairs to Justin's room to lay down. JC returned and walked over to Justin and me. He pulled me from Justin's grasp and hugged me before leading me upstairs to be with Lance. Justin and Lynn talked for hours while JC, Joey, Chris, Lance and I all calmed down, and strangely enough, all fell asleep together on Justin's bed.