"Dream of a Guardian Angel: After the Dream" By: Phantom Writer
Legal Stuff: This material is not meant to be read by anyone under 18. If you're offended by literature with homosexual themes, step off! If not, read on. This is a work of FICTION. Therefore, the author makes no claims as to the sexual orientation of any member of *N Sync. I have permission to incorporate facts from the life of my friend and neighbor in the form of the main character, Jase.
Side Note: Well, here's installment 6! This installment is not as HEAVY as part 5, but it serves its purpose (HINT, HINT!) If you haven't done so already, please read the previous installments of "Dream of a Guardian Angel" before continuing any further - it will make much more sense. As always, for anyone who would like to send comments or suggestions, please do so. (phantomwriter73@hotmail.com)
Special Thanks: Thanks to all who have read and enjoyed "Dream..." even if you haven't e-mailed feedback. (You know who you are!) As always, thanks to the real Jase for giving my character such a colorful persona. Jamie - thanks for keeping me in check! Clive - what's up?
Now, without further ado...
(Previously...from "Dream of a Guardian Angel: Revelation.")
"I...I can't tell you why, Jase. I don't even have answers for my own questions, but hear me when I say this. (Justin had to pause to find the words.) From the time I met you, I knew there was something unique, something special about you. You've saved my life, literally. But I'm not the only one who feels this way. (Justin looked up to JC, Lance, Joey and Chris.) These guys feel the same way I do about you. Don't ask me why, but we all love you, no matter if you're gay or not. And I know now that they love me too. Guys, can you ever forgive me? I never meant to hide being gay from you. I was just so afraid that the public would find out and y'all would blame me for ruining *N Sync. I...I'm just so confused." Justin began to sob.
I stood and turned to him. I hugged him and we both began to cry on each other's shoulder. Before long, Justin and I were enveloped in a group hug. JC, Joey, Chris and Lance hugged us for what seemed like an eternity.
And now, "You too?"
I finally broke from Justin's grasp and both Justin and I made our way around to the guys for one-on-one hugs. I hugged JC, but felt him tense under my touch. 'What's his problem? Now he knows Justin is gay.' I sat back down at the piano and began to play and sing one of my favorite songs by Mariah. It seemed to fit the mood.
'If you're lonely...and need a friend.
And troubles seem like...they never end.
Just remember...to keep the faith,
And love will be there...to light the way.
Anytime you need a friend...I will be here.
You'll never be alone again...so don't you fear.
Even if you're miles away...I'm by your side.
So don't you ever be lonely. Love will make it all right.'
I stood up from the piano bench and turned to see my five angels with tears building in their eyes. I smiled, walked over to Justin, and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.
"That song is not only for you, Justin, but also for the rest of the guys. I believe that song says it better than I ever could. Y'all are a part of me. No matter what may come, I'm here for you all." I was again enveloped in a group hug. After we all broke apart, reality came closing back in.
"Even if the TABLOIDS ruin our image?" Lance spoke timidly.
"Listen, Lance. Don't worry about a thing. I will fix this TABLOID 'thang' and get y'all some damn GOOD publicity along the way. I you haven't figured it out, I don't take SHIT from anyone. And besides, my lawyer, Gary, is the best there is. He'll have every publisher that printed those pictures and stories about us in the airport in shit so deep they can't dig themselves out." This seemed to soothe Lance's fears.
I walked into the den and grabbed my cell phone. The guys followed me into the den while I got Gary on the line. I told Gary I was going to put a friend on the line to give him PR and Legal contacts with Jive. I handed the phone to Joey and sat on the couch. I was exhausted, but so happy to have gotten the burden of telling the guys I'm gay off my back. Joey walked towards me finishing his conversation with Gary and handed me the phone.
"Gary, I want you to coordinate your actions with Jive... I know my friends are celebrities and libel suits are next to impossible to win, but you're representing me, not *N Sync... Yes that was Joey you were talking to... I will, but can we stick to the problem at hand? I'm going to have a Press Conference here in Orlando tomorrow morning. I want you on the first flight out tomorrow so you are here by 10AM... Just get here with the papers... I said I would, now good bye... and Gary, thanks."
"I've never seen this side of you. Where did this come from?" JC stood shocked by the turn of events.
"Well, when it comes to FUCKIN' with my friends or family, I...what I meant was, when people FUCKED with my family or friends, I was quick to rectify the situation. I guess it's the manager in me that takes charge when the shit hits the fan." I gave a slight smile to JC and the others to let them know I was OK.
"Oh, so what now? What if the press finds out you really are gay?" Chris stood from where he was sitting and started to pace back and forth.
"Sit down and let me explain this to you. As I'm sure y'all are well aware, it is next to impossible for celebrities to win libel suits against the TABLOIDS. The law seems to think that since y'all are celebrities, the world has a right to know, or in this case, make up anything about you and sell it as gospel. But, I, on the other hand, am NOT a celebrity. Therefore, I can nail these FUCKERS in the ASS. Whether I am gay or not is inconsequential. Now, what I need y'all to do is call a Press Conference for tomorrow at 10AM. Gary's flying' in tomorrow morning to be there. Y'all haven't seen a fraction of what I'm capable of."
"You're something else; one surprise after another." Lance spoke with almost a ring of awe in his voice.
"Boyfriend, please! I could shock the pants off you with the variety of things I'm capable of." I realized I had made a bad joke without even knowing it.
"Huh?" Joey once again was shocked at my manner of speech.
"Sorry, that sounded really bad considering the whole 'TABLOID' business. See Lance, even I can get screwed, do'ed and tatoo'ed with a bad joke." Lance fell out laughing, as did the other guys. I, on the other hand, just looked at them strangely.
"What'd I say? Y'all are in need of some PROFESSIONAL help." I couldn't help but laugh along with them. Then Justin's phone rang.
"Hello...we already know...oh, well then I guess I'll see you when you get back...no, everything's gonna be OK, Jase is takin' care of it...WHY SHOULD YOU CARE, YOU'RE TOO DAMN BUSY TO GIVE A SHIT ANYWAY!"
"Justin, apologize to your mother, NOW!" I caught Justin off guard when I said this and he dropped the phone. He looked at me, ran up the stairs to his room, and slammed the door. I grabbed the phone.
"Lynn, I'm sorry. He was upset when I told him you wouldn't be in tomorrow, and with the TABLOID fiasco and all, I think he just needs some time to cool off... I've got things covered... You don't have to thank me. These guys have practically been my salvation since I met them... OK, bye." Now I had to fix things with Justin.
I hadn't noticed, but JC had run after Justin when he ran upstairs. I told Joey, Chris, and Lance to answer my phone if it rang and suggested they start the preparations for the Press Conference. It was only around 5PM, and yet so much had happened. I slowly walked upstairs and approached Justin's door. It was slightly ajar.
I walked in while JC had his arm around Justin's shoulder as Justin cried. I sat down beside JC and asked if I could have a minute alone with Justin. JC looked at me coldly and told Justin he would be in his room if he needed anything. I couldn't understand what I had done to JC again. Last night on the plane, he was so sorry about having been a jerk to me, but now. 'I know what the problem is! Justin slept with Lance and ME last night! And now that he knows Justin and I are gay...' I pushed my thoughts of JC aside and moved over to Justin. He flinched when I touched him on the shoulder.
"Justin, look at me." I spoke in a whisper. Justin turned toward me with tears streaming down his face.
"Why, so you can yell at me again?"
"That's not fair. Just listen to what I have to say and you WILL understand why I reacted the way I did. The last words I ever said to my mother were words of anger. I have to live with that for the rest of my life. I never got the chance to work out our differences before she was killed. Nor can I make things right with the rest of my family. Only my nieces were spared my sharp tongue. As much as I would like to hate my family for what they did to me, I can't. Now do you understand? I know you are upset that your mother isn't coming like she said she would, but do you want to risk the possibility that the last words you said to her were in anger, or hate? I had to learn the hard way. I was only trying to prevent you from possibly facing the same guilt I have to live with. I'm sorry I yelled. I really am." Tears were falling down my face, but I remained calm. Justin hugged me and picked up the phone to call his mother. He looked at me, smiled and said 'Thank You.' I left so Justin could talk to Lynn. Now, to fix things with JC.
I walked quietly out of Justin's room and closed the door. I could hear muffled sobs coming from JC's room, so I knocked lightly.
"Just...a minute."
"JC, it's me. Can I come in?"
"I..."
I didn't give JC a chance to say no. I entered the room and moved toward him. He was sitting on the bed facing away from me.
"How's Justin?"
"I explained to him why I reacted the way I did, and he understands. He's talkin' to Lynn now. But that's not why I'm here. I'm here to apologize for whatever I've done that's made you so pissed at me." JC looked at me in shock. I guess he wasn't even conscience of his reactions toward me today.
"What do you mean? I'm not..."
"No, you're not pissed, you're..." I wasn't sure how to say what I needed to say.
"I'm what?" JC's tone was a mix of fear and anger. His eyes reflected the turmoil inside.
"You're...jealous."
"JEALOUS?" JC looked somewhat confused, and yet I could see I had hit the nail on the head.
"How long have you been in love with Justin?" I spoke quietly but looked directly into JC's eyes and feared I had overstepped my bounds, AGAIN.
"What did you just say? How do you know I..." JC fell back on the bed and burst into tears.
I knew I had gone too far to turn back now. I had to let JC know I understood and wasn't a threat to his love for Justin. I pulled JC into my arms and rocked him slowly.
"Oh, JC. Please don't hate me. I never meant to hurt you. I just wanted to let you know that I'm not a threat to you. Justin is a friend, a close friend. But, from the time I met y'all in Dallas in the MEN'S ROOM, I could see somethin' in your eyes. You didn't look at Justin as just a friend; there was more. Then in the terminal, you were wicked jealous when I hugged Justin. Do I need to go on? JC, I know you already know this, but I'm here for you no matter what. I only wish Justin wouldn't have stayed with Lance and ME last night. I think that's what you're upset about. Of course, all my sexual comments regarding Justin haven't helped either."
"I'm so sorry. I never knew I was making you feel bad about being Justin's friend, it's just..."
"It's just you are in love with Justin. Why haven't you told him how you feel? He's your best friend, and would never turn his back on you because you are in love with him. Who knows, maybe he is in love with you too!"
"I am." I didn't know Justin was standing in the doorway and had heard everything JC and I had said. JC looked at Justin in shock.
"WHAT? I mean, you do? But why..." Justin cut off JC and finished his words.
"But why haven't I told you before? Probably the same reason you haven't told me, I guess. I am in love with you. I have been for as long as I knew I was attracted to guys. You have been and always will be the one." Justin slowly walked toward the bed.
I decided the two needed some time alone, so I got up and walked to the door. As I was leaving, both JC and Justin spoke.
"Thank you!"
I smiled at them and shut the door to JC's room. I walked downstairs and let Lance, Joey and Chris know that everything was OK. When Lance asked where JC was, I told him he was talking Justin. It WAS the truth and I wasn't about to tell Lance, Chris or Joey about what had just happened between Justin and JC. I sat down by Lance and was just about to ask everyone what they had in mind for dinner, when JC and Justin walked into the den. JC still had tears running down his face. Joey stood up and walked over to JC.
"Hey, you OK JC." Joey looked concerned.
"I...I will be in just a moment." JC looked at me and walked slowly toward where I was sitting. He extended his hand as if asking me to hold it, so I did. JC gently pulled me to a standing position and then hugged me and began crying loudly. He was trying to say something, but he was so overtaken by sobs, he just held on to me. I had no idea what had brought this on, so I just held him and rocked him slowly back and forth. Joey, Justin, Lance, and Chris were teary-eyed at this emotional display. As I always have, I turned to music to express what I truly felt, but couldn't say in words. (Thank God for Mariah!)
'There's a hero...if you look inside your heart.
You don't have to be afraid...of what you are.
There's an answer...if you reach into your soul,
And the sorrow that you know will melt away.
'And then a hero comes along...with the strength to carry on.
And you cast your fears aside...and you know you can survive.
So when you feel like hope is gone...look inside you and be strong.
And you'll finally see the truth...that a hero lies in you.
I sang the whole song while rocking JC gently. In the back of my mind, I had chosen this song because I thought JC was having difficulty facing his emotions that he had expressed to Justin earlier. Was I ever wrong!
"That was absolutely beautiful. You are my hero, OUR hero. I can't imagine how different our lives would be if you hadn't wandered into our lives." JC found the strength to stand on his own and released me. JC had calmed down as he listened to me sing.
"I wouldn't be standing here if it weren't for you." Justin had walked over to JC and me while speaking. He pulled both JC and me into a three-way hug and quietly cried.
"What are you talking about, Justin?" Lance looked as confused as Joey and Chris did when Justin said this. Justin had become too emotional to speak so JC spoke.
"Remember earlier when Justin ran out of the house after he let it slip out that he's gay? Remember when we heard tires skidding outside several minutes before Jase came carrying Justin back in? Well, Justin was crying so hard that he knelt down in the street, not realizing where he was. If Jase hadn't been here, a garbage truck would have run Justin over. But, Jase saved him seconds before the truck passed. Jase saved Justin's life, literally! Jase is like a guardian angel, sent from heaven above." JC was calm, but tears still slid slowly down his cheeks. And once again, I was enveloped in an emotional group hug.
"I'm no guardian angel. I'm just some emotional basket case y'all have been babysitting. Besides, I've just been a catalyst for every bad thing that's happened to you guys in the last 24 hours. The only thing I've done is keep things from getting any worse." I was embarrassed by JC's comment, and was doing my best to pull the conversation in a different direction. DIDN'T WORK!
"First, we haven't been BABYSITTING, we've been FRIEND SITTING. Second, don't sell yourself short. I've been strugglin' with tellin' these guys I'm gay for months, it's just you provided the right opportunity to make me do what I had been puttin' off. Third, you've kept *N Sync together, because I'm sure I would have misunderstood anything these guys said when I came out to them and would have reacted the same way I did. You just opened my eyes, our eyes, to all the things we take for granted; family, friends, love." Justin knew just the right words to say at times. I got choked up.
Everyone sat down and then noticed that JC was sitting in Justin's lap. JC turned to Justin and kissed him softly on the lips.
"Well it's about time! Now, maybe, we don't have to sit around watching you two pretend you're not LOOKIN' at each other!" Joey laughed as Chris agreed with him. Lance, on the other hand, was in shock.
"What...when...how? Am I the only one who never thought Justin and JC were gay and had the HOTS for each other?" Lance sat there dazed. Several minutes later, Lance spoke as the rest of us continued giggling at the dumbfounded look on Lance's face. "Jase, can I ask you something?" Lance had an odd look on his face now.
"What's up? You know you can ask me anything." Lance got a silly grin on his face as I said this.
"OK, then. I just wanted to ask you where to go to get your GAYDAR repaired." Lance looked at the floor. Everyone, including me, just stared at Lance. I walked over and sat down beside him and began to smile.
"It's on the back of your GAY MEMBERSHIP card, didn't you know?" I chuckled at the whole GAYDAR / GAY MEMBERSHIP conversation. Lance had just come out in a very smooth manner.
"I'm sorry I didn't tell you guys a long time ago. I just never thought I'd be around such caring, and GAY friends." Lance looked at Joey and Chris when he said the last part.
"Hey, don't be lookin' over here at us. I don't have a problem with you, Justin, or JC being gay, but don't come to me askin' for sexual favors! Besides, if your GAYDAR is broken, what makes you think I'm gay?" Joey started laughing after he said this.
"Same for me. I'm open minded and all, but I won't sleep with you Lance, no matter how much you beg!" We all started laughing at Chris and his silly comment.
I got tickled and leaned over to whisper in Lance's ear. Lance fell out laughing, as did I.
"Hey you two, what's so damn funny over there?" JC asked with a slight grin.
"Get your mind out of the gutter! I just reminded Lance of the look on Chris and Joey's face last night when we pulled that 'Honeymoon suite' joke on the plane." I smiled at Joey and Chris.
"Hey, that was YOUR joke. There was no WE to it. Honest guys, I was just sittin' there!" Lance was trying desperately to distance himself from my joke pulling.
"But don't you remember Scoop? Guilty by association?" JC started to whisper something in Justin's ear that caused Justin to laugh out loud.
"Ah HELL, Jase. Now we're both gonna get it." Lance put his elbows on his knees and held his face while he pouted.
"Ain't dat sweet!" I messed up Lances hair and started to stand. That's when Lance grabbed me by the arm and pulled me back on the couch. He jumped on top of me and started tickling me. I laughed until I cried and was begging him to stop.
"How's this for sweet! You think I'm sweet now?" Lance had stopped tickling me and was straddling my hips, holding my hands behind my head.
"No, I think you're SEXY!" I ground my crotch into his butt and then started laughing hysterically at the expression on Lance's face. JC, Justin, Joey and Chris were rolling on the floor, laughter overtaking them.
"So that's why you were gropin' me last night. I guess you think Justin is SEXY too?" Lance said with an evil grin on his face.
"Yah, Jase. I need to talk to you about that." JC looked at me in mock anger.
"Hey, what happened last night, IF ANYTHING, is water under the bridge. I didn't know for sure that you had the hots for Justin. Besides, from the way both Justin and Lance talk about it, IF ANYTHING HAPPENED, they enjoyed it! So step!" I grabbed a pillow and buried my face in it. Lance continued to sit on top of me. JC came over thinking I was upset but got a big surprise when he pulled the pillow away from my face.
"OK, OK. Damn, JC! I'll let you sit on my face this one time. But at least send Justin out of the room. There's no need to be CRUEL." I started laughing hysterically at the expressions on everyone's faces. Then Justin sent me over the edge.
"Why should I leave? I might like watching. Jase, you're so MEAN." Justin started laughing uncontrollably as we all did.
"Lance, honey. I don't want to upset you or anything, but the last time I checked the tag in the back of this shirt, it didn't say LAY-Z-BOY. So if you don't mind, could you get off me? I'm ready to do something a little less kinky, if you don't mind." I smiled as Lance realized he had been straddling my crotch just like it was nothing out of the ordinary. Lance got up and allowed me to sit back upright on the couch before sitting back down beside me.
'Lance and Jase, sittin' in a tree.
K.I.S.S.I.N.G. First comes love.
Then comes marriage...'
JC and Justin never got a chance to finish their little ditty; both Lance and I threw pillows at them. Lance looked at me, and I looked at Lance. We both flipped all four of the guys off and left in a huff to go laugh in the studio. As we were walking down the hall, we heard JC and Justin scream at us.
"PROMISE OR THREAT."
"WOULDN'T YOU LIKE TO KNOW!" Lance and I walked into the studio and started laughing. I walked in front of Lance and turned to see him smiling at me.
"I like you like this, I think." Lance was blushing at his comment, but I knew what he was trying to say.
"You mean you like seeing me happy and not being some overly-emotional idiot with a self-pity complex?"
"Yah!" Lance just blushed more and was suddenly taken from my view as Justin tackled Lance from behind. Just when I turned to help Lance, JC tackled me and began to tickle me with no abandon.
"UNCLE, UNCLE. Jeez Louise, it's a PROMISE, it's a PROMISE!" JC had to think for a minute before he realized what I was talking about. As Justin and Lance sat up and looked at JC and me, Chris and Joey entered the room.
"Is this party for gays only, or can we join?" Joey asked with a goofy grin on his face.
"Please, you two are in denial so bad it hurts to look at you! I don't know any straight men that get all cuddly with the guy next to them on a plane, even best friends. So don't even go there! You two are at the very least, bi. Deal with it! It's not like you wouldn't have your best, and admittedly gay, friends around to support you. There is light outside of the closet!" I started laughing again.
"Speaking of closets, what's this shit about being a closet *N Sync fan. I mean, you never said a thing to any of us yesterday about liking our music and yet you obviously do. What's up with that?" Chris was smiling at me as he sat on a chair in the corner.
"What are you talking about? Closet *N Sync fan? What makes you think I'm a fan at all?" I grinned so everyone knew I was joking.
"Well, I think playing and SINGING 'This I Promise You' last night, and the album isn't out yet, gave you away. And by the way, why didn't you tell us you could sing or play the piano?"
"I don't remember you asking me Chris. If you had asked, I would have told you. Besides, I'm not as talented as y'all. The piano is my special place.
I can usually resolve all my problems just by sittin' and playin' whatever comes to mind. In reality, it's the music that brings me an inner peace that allows me to step back from a problem so I can see it, and then fix it.
My gift is very personal to me. That's why I turned down an appointment to Juilliard when I was still in Jr. High School. I could never do what you guys do. It would be like airing my soul for the world to see." I shrugged my shoulders and stood up, giving JC a hand as I pulled him to his feet.
"Don't kid yourself, Jase. You're DAMN good. How long did it take you to learn 'This I Promise You' so you could play and sing it?" JC was serious with his question.
"Well, the music took me about 10 minutes to have down, but the words took some time. I luckily caught a re-run of 'Snowed In' and taped it so I could learn the words. Since I play by ear, the music just comes naturally."
"You play by ear? How long?" This time Justin was asking the question.
"Well, I started playing the piano before I was four years old, so I guess I've been playing for something like twenty-two years."
"WOW! So what kind of music do you play?" Joey was getting in on the twenty questions now.
"Well, I started out playing church hymns, and still do. But, I was classically trained for six years and then studied contemporary music along with jazz and big band. I pretty much can play anything I hear. But, I guess my heart belongs to church music. You see, I was practically raised in church. I played for the youth and adult choirs, for vacation bible school, Christmas and Easter musicals as well as solo specials. That's what I'll miss now, not being able to play for my church family." A single tear rolled down my cheek. Lance came over and hugged me tightly.
"I wish I could fix this for you." Lance spoke quietly.
"I don't think you have the ability to talk the Southern Baptist Convention into accepting homosexuals." I looked into his eyes and saw understanding and compassion.
"But if I could, I would." Lance released me and walked out of the studio.
We all returned to the den and started discussing what we wanted for dinner.
I voted we order in, my treat, and then watch a movie. The vote carried unanimously with only slight bickering over who was going to pay.
After the pizza arrived, we all ate and settled down to watch a movie. Joey sat in an overstuffed chair and Chris sat in the floor in front of Joey, leaning back between his legs. Justin and JC cuddled under a blanket on the love seat. Lance sat down in the middle of the couch, so no matter which end I chose, he would be next to me. After I turned out the lights, I sat down next to Lance.
"Now Justin, JC. I know you two just got together, but try to keep the moaning down during the movie. I don't want to have to throw cold water on your asses!" JC and Justin both flipped me off.
"Promise or threat!" Lance started laughing at my come back.
"We'll see!" Justin and JC spoke in unison.
I don't know who picked the movie, but 'Eyes Wide Shut' would NOT have been my choice. After the opening credits, Lance laid his head in my lap. I looked around the room and saw Justin lying on top of JC, his head on JC's chest. They both seemed to be drifting off to sleep. Chris had propped pillows behind his back so he could slide down and allow the back of his head to rest on the seat cushion of the chair Joey was sitting in. I whispered to Lance who then looked at what I had seen. Joey ways idly messing with Chris's hair, evidently not conscious of his actions. Chris sat there with a content smile on his face. I slouched down in the couch and got comfortable as Lance repositioned his head in my lap. Even with thoughts of the Press Conference in the morning, sleep soon overtook me.
TBC...
What's gonna happen at the press conference? Will Jase save the day? What's up with Chris and Joey? We'll find out soon! AND YES, I COULDN'T GIVE A RAT'S ASS ABOUT THE TABLOIDS. WAS IT OBVIOUS?