Disclaimer. I own nothing but this story. Yada yada look at the first chapter.
This is going to be a short chapter.
Why?
Well read it and find out! It sets up the romance and things to the next chapters.
Chapter Five
Always Yearning for a place to rest
March was a gigantic pain in my ass. Twice a week I had to stay two hours longer to practice for the play. April was going to be the same thing. We were going to have an opening night early May. I had currently kissed Amber about five times. Little ... b word said I was a lousy kisser.
"Hey Liam!" Amber waved to Liam as we were in the middle of our scene. I frowned and rolled my eyes. "Thanks for making it."
"Amber! Focus on the scene." Mistress motioned for Liam to sit down.
She rolled her eyes and faced me again. I took her hand. "If I profane with my unworthiest hand. This holy shrine, the gentle sin is this. My lips, two blushing pilgrims, ready to stand to smooth that rough touch with a tender kiss."
She looked into my eyes. "Good pilgrim, you do wrong your hand too much; Which mannerly devotion shows in this. For saints have hands that pilgrims' hands do touch. And palm to palm is holy palmers' kiss."
"Have not saints tips, and holy palmers too?" I leaned in close. She had a sweet perfume on.
"Ay, pilgrim, lips that they must use in prayer."
"O, then, dear saint, let lips do what hands do. They pray grant thou lest faith turn to despair."
She moved closer. "Saints do not move, though grant for prayers' sake."
I swallowed. "Then move not, while my prayers' effect I take." I leaned down, eyes closed and kissed her. "Thus from my lips, by thine, my sin is purged."
"Then have my lips the sin that they have took."
Mistress clapped and we separated. I wiped my lips. She had to much chap-stick on. "That was perfect. You guys have it almost ready." She gave us both a pat on the back. "Okay go home, rest up. See you next week." She walked off to her office.
"Hey Liam, give me a second okay? Got to ask her about tickets." She waved at Liam before she went to go follow Mistress. She ignored me so I ignored her back.
I jumped off stage and bent down to pick up my backpack. Currently Liam was in the ignoring me stage too. Last time he talked to me was at the bike rack. Occasionally he would get near me before walking away.
I put on my backpack and called Steve. "Hey. I'm done."
"I'm outside waiting."
"Okay." I closed the phone and noticed I didn't put my script away. I grabbed it and was about to put it away when the paper sliced my skin. "Ow."
I looked at my finger, and wished I hadn't. Blood was starting to flow and made my stomach ache I shut my eyes and started waving my finger. If I looked again I was sure to have an anxiety attack.... stupid blood.
I felt someone grab my hand and hold it for a second. I felt it pass something and I felt a tongue licking it. Teeth grazed me a bit as the lips closed around my fingers. I didn't open my eyes as the tongue licked my cut. The ache in my stomach started fading.
The mouth let go of my finger and I felt the air hit it. Cold. "You can open your eyes now." Liam let my hand drop.
"I don't want to see blood." I kept them shut.
"Don't you trust me?" His voice sounded almost pleading.
I took a deep breath and opened them. His eyes were looking into mine. He was hunched over so I could look at his eyes. I looked down at my hand. There was no more blood. Just the little cut.
"Thanks." I raised my hand and kissed my finger. It took me a second before I realized where it was a few seconds ago and blushed. "You didn't have to lick my finger." My face felt hotter.
"You don't like the sight of blood huh?" I nodded. Movie blood was fine. But blood in front of me.... I couldn't handle. I was getting used to see it but not yet.
"Thanks for watching.... even if you came for her." I looked over the side and put my hands on my backpack.
"I didn't came for her...." He looked up with eyes closed and sighed. His breath smelled like mint. "I really don't know why I am here."
I bit my lip. I didn't want to ask but it was really bothering me. He was giving me mixed signals. "Why do you take care of me... then ignore me for weeks after?"
He looked at me with sadness and anger in his eyes. "I don't want you to leave me again...." He turned around and started walking. He stopped and looked at the floor. "I don't... want to care... about you... but... I..." He shook his head and kept on walking.
"Liam I..." I couldn't finish. I did leave him... He left the auditorium. It wasn't my fault though....I looked at the floor.
"Liam! I'm done!" Amber ran down towards me. "I got you a tic-" She stopped when she noticed he wasn't there. "Where did he go?"
"I don't know..." I didn't look at her.
"You made him leave didn't you?" She jumped down and got her bag. "Stay out of my business, fag!" She ran up the stairs.
I didn't even have the energy to make her eat her words. I gave a sigh. It all made sense now. Why he was ignoring me. Why he was so mad at me. I did break my promise. One that meant so much to him. All the little things we promised were nothing compared to that. He was heart broken when his dad left... then I did the same thing.
I....
Steve asked why I was quiet and I said I really didn't have much to say since I was tired. I was tired. Emotionally. I can't believe I forgot about that `till now. No wonder why he didn't want nothing to do with me.
I finished my homework and was going to go take a nap. I really didn't feel like doing anything. I felt guilty. There were other things wrong, but guilt was the main one right now. I pressed my face into the pillow and waited to go to sleep. After awhile I passed out.
"Noah wake up!" I felt someone pushing me.
I lifted my head and let my eyes adjust. It was still daytime. "What `sup?"
"It's grandma! Get your shoes on, I'll be in the truck." Steve waited until I got out of bed before leaving.
What was wrong with grandma? I hurried with my shoes, I locked the door behind me as Steve started the car. He didn't say anything when I got in, then he started backing up. "What's wrong with grandma?"I asked as I buckled up.
"She took a really bad turn for the worse. She's awake right now." He kept his eyes on the road and drove.
I stayed silent. I didn't feel anything. Not sadness. Not anything. We knew she was going to die. But it didn't process fully yet. I wanted to go see her, and was hoping she was okay, but I felt blank.
We.....
Didn't make it.
She was awake for ten minutes before she flat-lined. The doctors couldn't revive her. Her body couldn't take it. If she did live, she was going to be in pain. We were five minutes too late.
Steve was arguing with a Doctor about something, but I wasn't paying attention. I held grandmas cold hand. I didn't have tears. She was long dead months ago. She was just waiting. She was a shell for her final days. I kissed her palm. My heart was broken. She was really gone now. The way she was living was no way to live. I felt a tear sliding down my face. It landed on her palm.
"She..." Steve walked over to me and sighed. "She's in a better place Noah."
"I know. It wasn't..." I hiccuped and felt the tears start falling ", it wasn't a good life to live...."
"Bunny..." He pulled me into his arms and hugged me as I cried on his chest. "She's going to take care of us still." He patted my back. "I'll always be there."
I kept crying. The tears didn't want to stop. I gripped his shirt. She didn't see me perform. I couldn't make her smile. I couldn't... I couldn't.... make her get mad at me anymore.
I kept crying as I felt something pierce my arm. It took a few seconds for me to feel drowsy. "Get some rest Noah. I'm here." Steve reassured me as I was falling into darkness.
I woke up a few hours at home. Steve was sitting next to me looking at pictures of grandma when I woke up. He told me I was starting to get a panic attack but he had one of the nurses sedate me as I cried. I didn't even feel one come on. But he said I was so emotional that I didn't feel it coming.
We stayed in silence. Steve had me take a pill in order to be safe. Thankfully it was the weekend so I could be a little drugged out. As of right now only Steve and I knew of grandma's death. We were the last living family members she had left.
"Noah... we..." He stopped ", we thought we were gonna be ready but..."
We couldn't have been ready like she was. She.. "I know.." I pulled my knees up and let myself cry. I needed someone right now. Steve needed someone too. We both couldn't help each other right now. "She would be so mad at us right now."
He did a weak laugh. "Telling us that they weren't really gone. Just in a different place." He put his hand right next to my feet. I took it with both of mine. "She is with grandpa right now. Doing hell knows what."
I smiled and brought his hand to my face. I rubbed my face on it. We could give each other a little comfort. "I... miss her..." I let a couple of tears slide.
"I know you do Noah." He took a deep breath. "I do too..."
"We lost her a few months back." We just lost the shell of who she was. She... didn't want to be here anymore. She was in too much pain.
"She told me how much she loved you." I looked at Steve. "Right when the call came. She told me how much she loved you and how you got her blood boiling. Also told me how proud she was of me." He smiled as he rubbed my fingers with his thumb. "She knows we will do just fine..."
I put my forehead on my knees and let a few tears fall.
"Let it all out Noah.." He was talking about himself too. "Let it out we will be okay,"
He started crying. I pulled him over and let his head rest on my shoulder. "She is still with us."
~Flashback~ * Seven Years Ago *
Grandma put her hand on my head. "Pain, pain go away." She raised her hand to the sky. "Fly away and stay away." She put it back on my head and repeated it two more times. "Do you feel better Noah?"
I gave a smile. "Yes grandma, the pain is gone." She picked me up from the floor and gave me a hug.
"Grandma knows how to make the pain go away." She tossed me into the air and caught me. I gave a few giggles as she tossed me a few more times. "The sadness and pain won't get us, right Noah?"
She put me down and held my hand as we walked towards the hospital. "No! Mommy and Daddy would be sad, right?"
She didn't say anything for a while. "Yes. They are up in heaven looking down at you."
"They're coming back right?" I watched a butterfly fly by.
"They will visit you in your dreams with grandpa." She lifted me up again. She was very strong to pick me up. "You're not sad right?"
I tilted my head. "Why would I be? There going to visit me in my dreams right? Going to get me lots of candy right?"
She laughed. "Yes, lots of candy."
I gave her a big hug as we went inside the hospital.
"Hello there Dorothy." A nurse walked up and smiled at us. "How are you Noah?"
"Good." She gave me a lollipop. "Thank you.
"Such a good boy." She smiled at me.
"How's Steve doing?" Grandma helped me open the lollipop.
The lady gave a little frown. "He's refusing to take his medication. He's going to be in a lot of pain if he doesn't."
"Can we go see him?" Grandma put me down on the floor again. I spun the lollipop on my tongue. Lemon yum!
"Yes. Maybe you can get him to take his medication. He just won't listen to us."
Grandma pulled my hand as we walked down the hall and up some stairs. She stopped at each step to make sure I didn't fall. I didn't know how but I grew up pretty big one night. I didn't think five year old's could grow up that fast. Grandma called me an eight year old a few times by mistake.
We stopped right outside of Steve's room. It was funny. One day Steve was at home and the next he was at the hospital. He had lots of cuts and had to stay until he got better.
Grandma bent down and looked at me. "Noah, you have to be a really good boy okay?" I nodded. "Okay."
We walked inside. Steve was watching television. He didn't look thirteen. He looked a lot older. Lots of things didn't make sense.
He looked at us and smiled. "Hey there Noah!" He didn't look at grandma. "How are you doing buddy?"
"I'm great." I showed him the lollipop. "Look what I got!"
He smiled wider. "I know. I'm soooo jealous."
"Steve...." Grandma let me hand go and walked over to Steve. His smile dropped and he gave grandma a bad look. "I know you're still mad at me but you have to take your medication."
"I don't need it. Even if it hurts, I want to be able to feel things."
Grandma frowned. "But it will do you more harm than good. Please take them."
I walked over to Steve, he was hurting? "Are you hurting?" I put my hand on his head. "Pain, pain go away." I put my hand up to the sky. "Go away and stay away!" I put my hand down and smiled at Steve. "Did it work?"
"I know you don't do it for me Steve. You have every right to be mad at me. But won't you do it for him? Do you want him to see you in pain?"
Steve looked at me. I was still smiling. Waiting for my answer. "Fine." He sighed. "Bring him everyday then." He rubbed my head. "Yes Noah, it worked." He leaned over and did another weird face as he kissed my forehead. "I'll be there for you always Noah."
~Flashback Ends~
They all lied. They tried to protect me. I lost four years of my life. It was completely forgotten back then. Pieces are still missing but most of it is back now. They didn't tell me, and made me think I was still a five year old. But I was a five year old trapped in a nine year old's body.
~Flashback~ * Four Years ago *
"Shut up! Shut up! All of you just shut up!" I yelled as my head felt like it was splitting open. It was hurting and I was seeing things that weren't real. They didn't happen. They couldn't have.
"Noah you've got to calm down!" Steve reached out to me but I smacked his hand.
"Just shut up... Ugh!" It felt like it was splitting open. Too many thoughts in my head. It was making sense, but it couldn't be true. The years I lost... were coming back. Liam.... Ashley... I held my head. That night was just a nightmare right? She couldn't have done that.... She couldn't.
"Noah focus on my voice." Steve got closer to me and I backed up.
"Stay... away..." I backed up and felt the railing on my back. Everyone was looking at me. They must have thought I was a freak.... "Away..." I shut my eyes trying to make the images go away.
They lied. Steve lied. They lied to me. They told me I was going to be okay. "Noah... try to calm down." Grandma was right next to Steve. Why wasn't she there back then?
I felt the pressure on my head increase. More images. "I'm here for you.... Noah..." Steve's voice echoed in my head. I slid down to the floor. "Stop it!" I could hear my heart pounding in my ear.
"Noah.... I'm here for you." Steve walked slowly to me.
I pressed my head. It felt like it was going to explode. Why did that knife make my head hurt so much? Why did it bring everything back? "I'm scared Steve." I felt my eyes watering. It hurt so much. Nothing made sense.
"I'm here Noah..." He lowered himself right in front of me. "I won't let anyone hurt you." He put his hand on my shoulder. "You trust me right?"
The pain in my head was fading away. I closed my eyes. I just wanted it to stop. It was too much. "Steve... make it go away."
Steve pulled me to his chest. "It's okay baby brother. I'm here. You can rest."
I felt myself drifting away as he rubbed my back. The pain was going away.
"I'm so sorry Noah." Grandma's voice echoed in my ear.
~Flashback End~
Grandma's birthday was hell on me that year. Everything came back to me when I saw the waitress cut her cake. She had this long sharp knife. It brought all the memories everyone thought I had completely forgotten. No one knew why that knife brought it back, but ever since that day I couldn't see knives. Steve took that fear on to himself. He made sure knives were never around him. He wanted to be my safe place.
Grandma helped me find Ashley. She took me everyday to the psychiatrist. I was going there once a week to make sure I didn't regress back to the five year old boy. It took me a while to get my age stuck in my head. Those years were lost and I got most of them back in one go. Of course I was going to freak out. But grandma was with me the entire way. She helped me place all the memories. She spent a fortune on my school. I had years to catch up.
Not once did I hear her complain. At least on how much I was costing her. When I had an attack she just held me, and told me everything was going to be alright. It took a two, almost three years but she was right.
I was a messed up kid. I did things I wasn't suppose to do. Grandma took it all in stride. She knew deep down I was hurting. I did whatever I could to make the pain go away. Steve wasn't with me all the time. He had things to deal with. Our dad's company was going to close if he didn't go back to our old home. The one we left behind when mom needed help. It was too late to help. She was already gone.
It was because of her that I got better. Chances are I wasn't going to be normal, like everyone else, but I was able to get better because of her. And Steve. She couldn't help me emotionally like Steve could, but she made sure I had everything I needed. She..... did what she could.
We spent the weekend in silence. We talked a bit but we were thinking of grandma. Steve wasn't as close to her as I was but she still made an impact on his life. I know it might sound egotistical but she gave me back to him. I was all that he had left in the world. Just like he was to me. I had my friends but he just had me.
"I got everything arranged Noah." Steve said when he walked into my room. "Next Saturday we can bury grandma next to grandpa."
"She will love that." I smiled at him. He was being strong for me. I hope I was giving him some type of comfort too. "Are you okay?"
He sighed. "I'm holding up." He looked at me. "Are you sure you want to go to school tomorrow?"
"Yes. You need to go to work too." It was going to keep his mind busy.
He sighed again. "Yeah. I told Mrs. Heart a little while ago. Took me ten minutes to make her not come over." It was nine o'clock in the night. "She got mad we didn't tell her, but she understood that we needed time."
We stayed quiet. I told Ashley yesterday and she gave me some space while I processed some things. She told me she was going to tell everyone else so I wouldn't have to tell them. She's sweet. She even brought over a pie. She rang the doorbell and ran, leaving the pie on the doorstep. She didn't wanna intrude on our mourning.
"Let's make a promise Steve." I looked at him. "Today and grandma's funeral will be the only day's we will be sad for her, okay?" She was probably mad at us right now. "She's doing great now. She isn't gone. Just..."
"In a different place." He smiled. "You got a deal."
It was hard waking up with a smile that day. But I did it. Grandma loved seeing me happy. Seeing Steve happy. We were doing this for her. Smile and laugh at her memory. No more tears were needed.
I went downstairs and smelled the great smell of burnt eggs. I smiled. "So I see you are making breakfast again." I put my backpack on the table. Oh, there were muffins on the table. "Who got these?"
"Mrs. Heart brought them over an hour ago." He tossed the eggs into the garbage. Seems like he tried to make egg salad again. "Yes, yes I suck at cooking. You should try it sometime."
I bit the muffin. Yummy. "The things I can make are the things we don't have stuff in the fridge for." Steve was the one who did the grocery shopping. He bought fruits and a few frozen dinners usually.
"I'll take you with me one day." He smiled. He handed me a paper bag, which I put inside my backpack. "My special sandwich."
"Your special sandwich." I walked over to the key holder. "Can I ride my motorcycle now?"
He sighed. "Fine. You have your helmet?"
I walked over to the closet and took it out. I had a smile on my face. "I was just waiting for you to let me." I was a pretty safe driver. It's the California people who were bad drivers.
"Just don't go too fast."
"Don't worry, I'll go the posted limit. Maybe a bit slower."
Steve finished making me my sandwich. I thanked him and promised him I was going to be okay. I checked my bike and she was raring to go. I did keep her ready every week. I put on my helmet and strapped on my gloves. I made sure my backpack was secure before I waved to Steve. He was unsure, but didn't stop me.
I gave him a smile as I drove off. Feeling the wind on your body sure feels great. Grandma used to love sitting on my bike. I smiled. She was a wild grandma.
Eric, Sam, Erika, Schala, and Ashley were waiting for me at school. They were waiting for me in the parking lot. I told Ashley I would be bringing my bike. I took off my helmet and got off the bike. A few kids looked at me but I ignored them. "Hey guys what's up?" I put my helmet away in the motorcycle's compartment.
I told Ashley about my deal with Steve. I hoped they kept it.
"Nice bike man." Sam walked up and gave a whistle. He gave me a hug after looking the bike over. Each one walked up and hugged me. Nothing about my grandma, just hugs.
"You have to let me borrow that thing man!" Eric hopped on the bike.
"Over my dead body. No one drives my baby but me." That was the truth. It was something very special to me.
"He's a speed demon in that thing guys." Ashley wrapped her hand around mine. "I feared for my life the entire time. My hair was straight before I took him on the offer." We all laughed. It was a little forced but it was what I needed.
For right now.
The reason why Noah and Steve aren't really so sad is the death was a good bad thing. Having to watch someone die is not easy. Especially for the person who is in pain. The grandma already accepted her death and was basically a shell of who she was. It happens to people. So usually people start grieving for people before they die. Since they lose the will to live. Sad but true....
Can I get a hug and reviews?
Please?
With a rabbit on top? me Also you can follow me on twitter for chapter updates then me hunting people down for the updates. Just look up the email.