Disclaimer - The usual warnings apply here, don't read if you're underage or squeamish. Sex is definitely involved here and please don't try to pass this off as your own.
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You know that feeling of waking up and feeling like your life has finally reached a point where you're totally and happily satisfied? You wake up with a smile, not because you have to plaster one all day but because you're just that damn insufferably happy. You have this bubbly aura around you that everyone notices and it makes people more intrigued by you, they talk to you more, they want to hang out with you and become a part of your life.
Now do you know what it's like to only see that happening to someone else? That would be Stephen and I. He gets the attention and whistles and winks, he gets the hot girls hitting on him and the hot guys awkwardly flirting with him, he gets his fucking frappe at Starbucks upgraded to the bigger size for no extra price and me? I get shit. I'm sure this reads as me being angry and that's because I am. What's so damn special about him but not me? Don't get me wrong, I love Stephen dearly but I'm jealous, very jealous. I don't understand how we can walk around campus holding hands and the world acts like I don't even exist, they can't even shift their eyes to my presence. I bet it'd be all eyes on me if I poured bleach in that fuckers face cream wouldn't it? I would never do that, though. It's beneath me. Chemical warfare is best left to children.
"Kiss me," I say to my knight in shining funk as he awakens. And he does, of course. I think in some weird way I control Stephen, he just isn't aware of it. He's always running to my every call, he never intentionally hurts me or makes any mistakes, he's always extra charming around me, he makes it a habit to photograph and remember any event between us for memorial sakes, he's like textbook perfect boyfriend material. Too bad it's all a giant act.
I've seen the cracks and a small part of me wants them exposed to see what he's really like. I've seen him bite his lip instead of just going in for the argument with me, I've seen him get noticeably agitated but quickly shaking it off to not seem bothered by my actions, I know he's putting up a front with me. However, I can't be too mad because I'm basically doing the same with him. That's what we are, two people playing with each other out of fear of the unknown. He thinks I'm an angel, a sweetheart, one of the kindest gentlest guys ever. I know I'm a vindictive, manipulative, jealous, bitter cunt from hell. And I know he's a brutish, archaic, arrogant, domineering asshole. And I want that side of him so, so bad. Sometimes it'll come out during sex but that's it, any other time he's so carefully tiptoeing around me, he's my big dick ballerina. I think I'll make that his name in my phone, `Big Dick Ballerina' equipped with that purple cucumber emoji thing and a wink face too.
I followed my big dick ballerina into the shower and just stood hugging him from behind as the steaming hot water cascaded over us. I always like those sexual moments where nothing sexual really happens. I just rubbed my hands over his hard abs and played with his hair, I teased him with neck kisses and little ear nibbles but I had no intentions of going farther than this. I just wanted to appreciate his ridiculously amazing body. Being with him made everything seem like nothing more than background noise.
Did he know how I truly, deeply felt about him? I've never told him I loved him but he had to know right? I mean, there aren't any other guys here that I'm willing to blow in a movie theatre or drink 6 bottles of water in 3 hours just so my ass would be clean for him to plow me. I work so hard for him... he can see it right? He can, so why doesn't he ever say fucking thank you?
I could feel anger take over me but it melted away the moment his soft hands glided against my smooth ass. His fingers gently poking at my hole, I know he wanted me. And I wanted him too. I want to ring this man dry of every fluid in his body, I want him to be a hollow shell to only be filled with my likes and dislikes. He needs to be forged to my fancy. My man. He'd never see it coming either.
"I don't want to have sex," I tell him in a whisper. "We don't even have to, I just want to feel your beautiful body."
And that he did. He ran his tongue from my neck to the crack of my ass with one hand squeezing my cheeks together and the other hand fondling my wet balls. It all felt so good, his warm breath heating my skin, his wet hair slapping against me with his sudden motions, he knew all my pleasure points. He knew how to tickle my stomach in the right way to make me quiver against the wall like a wounded schoolboy. He knew how much pressure to apply when he choked my while staring deep into my eyes. He knew how to slip just one finger inside my tender asshole with no need for lube and still make it pleasurable. He knew my entire damn body.
There was a small part of me that wanted to get my ass turned inside out but he pretty much did that yesterday while Daniel watched us. I knew that nerd would love that shit. How? Because he wants me too. For now, he'll just have to wait in the shadows but I wouldn't be opposed to giving him a quick lay, I wonder if he's a virgin. He probably told me is and I just forgot. My train of thought was immediately knocked off the rails when my body got hit with what was basically a glacier. Turns out of if someone flushes the toilet (Daniel) the water goes shit cold. Should I ask him to join us?
I'm afraid I'm beginning to come off as a bit of a sociopath here. I hope that isn't the case, I don't think there's anything inherently wrong or bad about what I do, ultimately I'm just trying to make people happier. There's nothing sociopathic in that simple act is there?
I dried my tall, chiseled stud off and quietly hummed a random tune as I walked him out of the bathroom hand in hand. We were going out to dinner tonight, the entire gang actually. He picked out my outfit (it was terrible but I just dealt with it) and now it was my turn to stroll over to his closet in his room and pick out something nice for him. As we stepped inside his twin Ronnie was sprawled out on his bed looking like he was about to overdose. His eyes were fully open but his entire body was just still. It was creepy as hell.
"Ron!" Stephen shouted at him. "Oh shit, sorry I was daydreaming hard as hell. Today is so boring I wish we could just go now." "Well too bad we're not," I replied. "Don't act tough because your boy is here, don't forget what happened in this room on your first night." "I didn't forget, why do you think he's my boyfriend?" Ooh what a good sassy remark that was. "Speaking of boyfriend, what's going on with you and Jake, Ronnie?"
What? Ronnie and Jake? How long has this been happening and why am I just now finding out about it?!
"He's too fucking sketchy. Every time I try to hang out with him he'll have some excuse or whatever and basically tonight is going to be the first time we hang out." "Sounds like he afraid of getting some dick," Stephen responded. I screamed inside. "He is, we trade pics on snapchat a lot and he always says some shit like `I'm gonna split him in two.'" "Well you are aren't you? I mean shit, have you seen that ass on him? Kid is crazy." "Why were you checking out his ass?" I innocently asked. "I'm a guy, it's what we do. Nothing wrong with checking someone out. It's not like I have any intentions of doing anything with him, so you have nothing to worry about dear," he said giving me a kiss on the forehead, like some little child.
Don't you love when your mate says that, though? `Oh I have no intentions!' I don't give a damn about intentions. Why is it so hard for men to keep it in their damn pants and only concern themselves over what they already have? Sure, some people might say that there's nothing wrong with a peek, or glance, or whatever you want to call it but the fact that Stephen has gotten enough peeks and glances to speak so highly of Jake's ass just doesn't sit right with me. But I'll just suck it up and flash my pearly smile, allowing him to think everything is okay. After all, that's the kind of guy I am for now, aren't I? The kind that just smiles with terrified eyes whenever my boyfriend does something I don't like but I don't want to upset him because I have no idea what he's capable of and I don't want to be alone. That's not really good for me but oh well, I do it anyway.
I just go back to picking out his clothes but it was rather anyway since almost everything in this closet is the same. White shirt with random words or labels or colors, light blue jeans, medium blue jeans, dark blue jeans, brown shoes, white shoes, black shoes, blue shoes, red hat, white hat, green hat (why?), blue hat. I hate men with no fashion. At least take some pride in how you appear to the world. Oh, I forgot Stephen doesn't have that problem. He has this natural aura that makes people just gravitate to him even if he was wearing a garbage bag decorated with the shit of any random homeless guy up the block.
"So, Ronnie, when did you and Jake start talking?" "Sometime last week." "And you two are already exchanging nudes? That was pretty fast." "Yea, that's definitely worse than some guy losing his virginity to twins he literally just met that day." "He got you there, real good too!" Stephen exclaimed, giving his brother a high five as they laughed.
I didn't have a witty rebuttal to that so I just kept my mouth shut. No need to exchange in immature insults when I can squash his little crush on Jake in what will surely take no time. That's one thing I was always rather good at, ending people. How do you think I was so immensely loved and popular back in high school? I had those idiots eating out of my hand, and anyone who tried to cross me I turned into mincemeat. There was this one kid named Chuck, he transferred over in sophomore year and at first he use to really get under my skin. See, Check knew I was gay. He spotted it out the first day we met and he even told me several times when we'd be in the locker room alone that one day he was going to fuck the shit out of me. Of course, I would always tell him to piss off but secretly I loved it.
Then there was one day in particular where he crept up behind me, slapped my ass and started saying some extremely hot things in my ear. I wanted it so bad, I needed him inside me but I was not out the closet and I refused to let him drag me out against my terms. I told Chuck to choke me, to dig his nails deep into my back and make me his bitch. I told Chuck to dominate me and turn me into the school bottom, he thought he finally conquered me. I heard the locker door squeak open and in that instant I grabbed Chuck's arm, twisted myself down to the floor and screamed as if I was giving birth. Two days later Chuck was expelled from the school and sent to juvie on sexual assault charges. The love for me in that school shot through the roof, poor innocent little Bryan, nobody can keep their hands off him. I was kind of sad, no not because I sent an innocent guy to juvie, but because he knew me. The fact that he was able to disengage me so easily infuriated me, I don't want people to have that sort of control over me.
That's a control that I allow only myself to wield. And then there's Stephen standing beside me. Hands on my hips just hugging me, simple moments like this kind of take me out of my daze and make me realize I have someone special. Someone incredible. My incredible guy.
Mine.