Dustins World

Dustin's World

Chapter Four -- Coping with Life

by Jeff Wilson

The chill of the early autumn night made the skin on Dustin's arms goose bump as he rode from his old house toward his apartment. This wasn't the first time he'd run away from his arguing parents' house, but this was the first time he had a place to run to that he could call his own. His nose had stopped bleeding, but his eyes were still blurry as he parked in front of the apartment building.

"Wow, still alone, Red?" Mr. Johnston asked as Dustin was unlocking his door.

"Would you mind your own fucking business you fucking son of a bitch?!?!" Dustin exploded. "I didn't ask for your opinion on my life! You're not my fucking boss so shut the hell up and leave me the fuck alone! You hear me?"

Mr. Johnston was surprised that the normally calm boy he'd enjoyed teasing had come so unraveled. "Whoa. Easy there, Red. Is everything okay, buddy?"

"Just stay out of my business and leave me the fuck alone!" Dustin snapped. He managed to get his door open and slipped inside before Mr. Johnston could ask anymore questions. As soon as he was out of sight, Dustin dropped down to his knees and could no longer stop the tears he'd been holding back. "I hate you." He said to no one. "I fucking hate you."

Dustin stood up and walked to his phone. He tried to call his friend Billy, his best friend from high school and the man who knew him better than anyone in the world. But there was no answer either at his house or cell phone. That just caused him to start crying again. He wished that he hadn't stopped buying his medicine. He tried to contact Brett, but there was no response from him either. So he decided to leave.

He was glad that there was no one in the hallway as he left his apartment. He hopped on the bike and made his way to Belle Vernon. He stopped in front of the apartment building he'd visited so many times. He walked up the steps and knocked on the door.

"Mike! Mike please be home..." Dustin said.

The door opened.

"Who the hell are you?" Dustin asked.

"I'm Jake."

"What happened to Mike?"

"Oh. Are you Dustin?" Jake asked.

"Yeah, I'm Dustin. Where the fuck is Mike?"

"Come in. Come in." Jake replied.

Dustin looked at Jake, unsure of what was going on and not sure that he wanted to follow him inside. But he did. All of Mike's stuff was still there. But there was a lot more stuff now as well. And then Mike came out of the bedroom tying the belt on his robe.

"Dustin! It's great to see you again! You met Jake?"

"Yeah. Who is he?" Dustin asked.

"Jake is my boyfriend now, Dustin! I told you I was thinking about settling down."

"And he told me all about you." Jake said. "Don't worry though. I'm not one of those boyfriends who gets all weird about old boyfriends."

Dustin looked at Jake with an even more confused look than he had before. "Mike was never my boyfriend, dude. More like my fuck buddy. Can you leave us alone for a minute, Jack?"

"Dustin, don't be rude please." Mike said. "Jake is not going anywhere."

"If you guys need to talk I can..." Jake started.

"Please do." Dustin interrupted.

"Jake..." Mike said.

"It's okay, Mike. I'll go play on the computer for a minute. You guys talk." Jake said. He walked to the bedroom and closed the door.

"Don't you ever act that way around him again, Dustin." Mike warned.

"Oh give me a break. What, you went out and got the first guy you could find and had him move in with you?"

"I'll have you know that I was thinking of having him move in the last time you were here. I gave you the chance, but you made the choice easy for me with your little speech about relationships."

"So what? You're just gonna fuck with him now? That's kind of boring, don't you think?"

"Come on, you're not a kid anymore Dustin. It's time for you to start acting like it. Your problem is that you've been acting like a twelve year old who just figured out what he can do with his dick for the last ten years."

"I don't need you to tell me how to live my life, Mike. You fucked me when I was fourteen, you know. I could have your ass thrown in jail."

"What's wrong, Dustin?" Mike asked.

"Nothing's wrong. I'm just pointing out a fact."

"You know, you've been holding me over a barrel for a long time. Our relationship was never very healthy. You will never know how sorry I am that I had sex with you when you were so young. But you've been blackmailing me with it for years. It's for the best that we start moving on with our lives."

"My dad is out of jail." Dustin said.

"Oh... So that's what this is about. You wanted to avoid how you're really feeling about the situation by getting your rocks off, huh?"

"I'm not feeling anything about the situation. I just thought you should know."

"You don't think I can tell what he does to you? I watched it for too long, Dustin."

"Yeah. You watched it but you wouldn't do anything about it! You let him do it to me."

"Don't turn this into being about me. You're not laying the guilt trip on me anymore. I've felt as bad as I can feel about not telling anybody about your dad."

"Well fuck you then!" Dustin said. He started to leave.

"Dustin! You don't have to leave. You can stay here tonight if you need to."

"I wouldn't want to interrupt you and Jason's happy little fun time here. See you around, I guess." Dustin said.

"Dustin!" Mike called as Dustin headed for the door. "Don't do anything stupid."

"What the fuck do you care?" Dustin replied. He walked out the door and back out to his bike. He roamed the streets for a long time, just thinking.

"I just want somebody to talk to." Dustin thought.

When he made it back to his apartment, he noticed that there was a message on his answering machine. He was hoping that it was Billy or Brett, but he was disappointed when he heard his mother's voice.

"Dustin, it's your mother. I'm so sorry..." Click! Dustin turned the message off before she even got started.

Dustin sat down on his chair and put his hands on his hurting head. It was then that he saw the paper that Sarah Taylor had written her phone number on. Dustin hadn't seen her since that day in the diner. She had been so easy to talk to. Maybe she would listen... He decided to call the number. The phone rang twice and then he heard Sarah's voice.

"Hello?" She said.

"Sarah?"

"Yes. Who is this?"

"It's Dustin. Dustin Smith."

"Oh hi! How are you?"

"Sarah.... I mean... Well... Can we meet and talk? I need somebody to talk to."

"Sure. Sure. Do you want to come over here?"

Dustin thought for a minute. "Your dad's not going to be there is he?"

"Oh no. Daddy and mother went to Atlantic City for a convention. Why don't you come over around eleven o'clock or so?"

"Okay. I'll see you then." Dustin replied.

For a while, Dustin laid on his couch. When that got boring, He did some internet exploring before heading over to Sarah's house. Dustin had only been in her neighborhood once. All of the houses were massive. They were not mansions, but they were nicer than any house he'd ever been in. He couldn't help but feel out of place on his motorcycle as he rumbled down the street. Dustin recognized a lot of the names that he saw on the mailboxes as the people who were the important members of the community. Dustin found the Taylor house and pulled into the driveway. As Dustin was walking toward the front door, it opened and Sarah peeked out.

"Hey there." She said.

"Nice house." Dustin said, admiring the white and brick home of the Taylors.

"Thanks. Come on in."

Dustin marveled at the expense of the Taylor house. If the outside was impressive, it was nothing compared to what was on the inside. Everything looked expensive. He was afraid to touch anything or sit down on anything. Sarah walked him to the kitchen and they sat down at the table.

"So, you said you wanted to talk. What's wrong, Dustin?"

"What's wrong?" Dustin laughed. "What isn't wrong? My whole life is gone to fuck." He complained.

"Tell me about it." Sarah said, reaching and holding on to Dustin's hands.

Dustin sighed. "My dad got out of prison."

"Did he escape?"

"No, they let him out."

"Well, I guess that was expected. They couldn't keep him in there forever."

"They should have. They should have kept him in there. People who do what he did shouldn't be allowed out."

"Dustin, tell me what he did to you."

"What have you heard about what he did to end up in jail?"

"I heard he abused you."

"Did you ever hear that he... did... things to me?"

"I heard a rumor that he might have molested you."

"What would you have thought about me if it was true?" Dustin asked.

"I wouldn't think any less of you, if that's what you're worried about. There's nothing you could have done."

"Yes there was! I could have stopped him."

"Dustin! You can't possibly blame yourself for what happened to you."

"Sarah, look at me. I'm six feet tall. I could beat the shit out of anybody that I want."

"But there's a big difference between beating up anybody you want and facing your own father."

"I am going to face him. I want to kill him. I'm going to. You hear me!"

"You're not going to kill anybody." Sarah said.

"Yes I am. I'm going to blow his brains out."

"Dustin..."

"My neighbor has a gun. It'd be real easy to get it. He's a fucking stoner. All I'd have to do is go over there and talk to him a little bit and I'd have it."

"Dustin, you're scaring me. This talk about killing people... You can't say things like that."

"Sarah, he put me in the hospital. He almost killed me. He deserves it. Look what he's done to me. I could have been like you. I could have been normal! I should be the one who's in fucking Pitt or fucking Dartmouth! Instead I'm stuck in this stupid hell hole fucking a bunch of stupid fucks! You think you're so special. You took the chance of a fucking life time and you blew it! But you just walked right home and your dad took you in and took care of you. I'd give anything to have your life."

"That's not fair. I didn't decide to be born into the family I was born into. And I know that you didn't either. But you know what, it's time to grow up, Dustin. You couldn't do anything when you were little, but you sure can now. It's time to stop being a victim and face your problems."

"You think you're so smart, don't you. It's not that fucking easy. If it was that easy don't you think I'd have already gotten over it? My dad raped me Sarah. He raped me more times than I can remember. You think it's easy to just say, 'Oh I think I'll get over it today.' You don't know anything! I'll never get over it! Never! I'll hate him until the day I die. I can't wait for the day when I can take a piss on his grave."

"And you'll be just as hopeless then as you are now, because you're letting him rule your life."

"I'm not letting him do anything to me." Dustin said angrily.

"Come on, Dustin. It's so obvious what he's doing to you. He hurt you, you can't do anything to hurt him back, so you hurt whoever you can. You're so stuck on revenge that it's pathetic, and it's turned you into something pathetic, too. You think you have sex with all the guys you do because you want to have sex? Trust me, because I've been in your shoes in that regard. You do it because you're trying to get back at your dad."

"Don't get all analytical on me, I've been analyzed by more fucking doctors than you can imagine. Your dad is nothing like my dad."

"I'm just telling you what I see. You came over here for a reason. I know what it's like to have to deal with a dad who's out of control. Now of course, my dad didn't go as far over the edge as yours..."

"Oh please. Your dad screwed over my best friend to get you what you wanted."

"And your dad changed you from the person you would have been into what ever it is that you are now."

"Fuck this." Dustin said standing up.

"Dustin, wait!"

"What?" Dustin asked.

"Have you ever been with a woman before, Dustin?" Sarah asked.

"What the fuck does that have to do with anything?"

"You say you're not gay, right?"

"I'm not gay." Dustin said angrily.

"Well, from what I see, all you do is have sex with guys."

"So what? Sex is sex, Sarah. Who gives a damn who it is that you're fucking?"

"And how do you feel after you have sex with someone?"

"I feel like I had sex." Dustin replied. "What's the fucking point?"

"Do you feel anything for the person that you were with?"

Dustin opened his mouth to answer, but then stopped. He didn't have an answer. "I... I don't know."

"Don't you think that's unusual? Shouldn't you at least feel something for them?"

"Who cares? We both got what we wanted."

"Did you really?"

"Well, I... Argh! See, this is why I don't fuck girls. You don't understand. Guys can just do it and be done with it. Girls want to put all these extra stupid feelings into it. It's just fucking. That's all it is."

"But it can be so much more." Sarah replied.

Dustin laughed. "Okay. Sure. You want to fuck and prove it?"

"I think we've both done enough of that. I've had enough of just having sex. I want to make love for a change."

"Ha! Love... What the fuck is love? Love is just an excuse to get laid."

"Dustin, come on, let me show you."

"What, you really do want to have sex?" Dustin asked. "I was just kidding."

"I'm not kidding, Dustin. Come with me."

She stood up and took Dustin by the hand, and led him through the house to her room. She led Dustin inside and then closed the door. She knelt down in front of him and unbuckled his belt. Then she opened his pants and pulled them down, along with his underwear. Dustin's exposed dick began to throb with each beat of his heart. Dustin thought about stopping her, this wasn't what he had come to her house for.

"Wow. You have a big one, don't you?" Sarah said. She held him in her hands, gently massaging his balls. "Now usually, I'd just start right in on you, but that's not what I want to do this time. I want you to enjoy this. Would you like me to kiss it?"

Dustin thought. Sure, he could have said no. He didn't have to let her. He wasn't going to use her. In his head, he decided to say no. But his mouth said, "Okay."

Sarah gently kissed all over his dick. Dustin wondered if he was doing the right thing. He was about to tell her to stop when she started to lick the soft underside of his dick.

"Do you like that?" She asked.

"It feels good." Dustin said. Actually, he'd had better blow jobs. He'd had one earlier that day, actually. But he didn't want to hurt her feelings, which was unusual for him.

"Good. I'm very glad to hear that. I know you've been through so much. I want this to be special for you." Sarah said. "Come on, let's get more comfortable." She led him to the bed and pulled off his socks and shoes. Dustin's pants ended up in a heap on the floor. Then she pulled his shirt up over his head and flung it onto the floor. Dustin lay down on the bed totally naked with Sarah beginning to go down on him with renewed purpose.

"Oh..." Dustin sighed.

"You like that?" Sarah asked.

"Yeah..." Dustin said. He was starting to feel a bit uncomfortable being naked while Sarah was still dressed. "Can you take your clothes off please?" He said.

"I'd love to." She said. Sarah got on her knees between Dustin's legs and pulled her shirt off. Then she reached behind her and unsnapped her bra. Dustin smiled as he saw Sarah's breasts for the first time. It was the first time he'd seen a woman's breasts so close. He reached up and held them in his hands. They were so soft, and yet, so firm at the same time. He gently massaged them, feeling them in his hands. He squeezed them together and gently pinched her nipples.

"You've never touched a woman's breasts before have you?"

"Not really." Dustin said.

"Kiss them. Suck on my tits." Sarah said.

Dustin sat up and held Sarah's breast in his hands. He admired the firm nipple, and then licked and sucked it. Sarah moaned with pleasure as Dustin gave each tit a through exploration. Sarah slipped out of her pants and underwear, and Dustin realized that he was with a naked woman for the first time in his life and that she wanted him.

"Are you ready to make love to me?" Sarah asked.

"Yeah." Dustin replied.

Sarah lay down next to Dustin and separated her legs. Her hair was neatly trimmed and Dustin lay down between her legs. He used his hands to push her legs a little wider, exposing her privates to him. Dustin got on his knees and prepared to enter into her.

"Whoah, stop." Sarah said.

"What?" Dustin asked.

"You can't just do that. Aren't you going to lick my pussy?"

Dustin raised an eyebrow. "You want me to lick it?"

"Yeah. I don't just want this to be a quickie, Dustin. I can't take that thing without getting myself ready."

"Okay..." Dustin said, not really wanting to get his face that close to where he had intended to put his dick. But he got down on his belly and used his fingers to explore her private parts. There was more there than he thought there'd be. He wasn't quite sure where she wanted him to lick, so he just started licking all over.

"Oh that's it... Lick my clit!" Sarah said breathlessly.

"Oh good, I must be doing it right." Dustin thought. He kept on doing the same thing, and Sarah's soft moans turned louder and louder.

"Oh my god that feels so good!" She said.

Dustin raised his head. "Are you..."

"Shut up and keep going!" Sarah interrupted.

Dustin was surprised, but went back to licking away between Sarah's legs.

Sarah was getting more and more excited, and Dustin was getting more and more bored. He wasn't used to using his tongue, he was used to using his dick. Then, Sarah surprised Dustin by getting up and then getting into position where she could suck his dick on top of him while he continued to lick her pussy.

"Come on... Let's fuck already..." Dustin thought as he looked at the ceiling. Sarah was going to town on him, but Dustin was beyond bored.

Sarah rolled herself and Dustin over, so that Dustin was on top. "Make love to me, Dustin." Sarah said.

"Finally!" Dustin almost said aloud. He moved so that he was on his knees beside her.

"How do you want me to do it?" He asked.

"Just like this. I want to see the look on your face while you make love to me." Sarah spread her legs and invited Dustin to enter into her. Dustin held himself up with his arms and positioned himself over her body. Sarah reached down between them and guided his dick into her. Dustin looked down at his dick as it slowly disappeared into Sarah's willing body. He kept pushing and pushing until after a minute or so he was totally inside her.

"You feel so good inside me." Sarah said softly. "Make love to me."

Dustin began gently rocking his hips, enjoying the warm moist feeling on his dick. Sarah felt his upper arms and the strength that Dustin had. She hooked her legs around Dustin, and he felt her feet on his bare butt. He smiled and began to thrust into her a little more forcefully.

"Oh..." Sarah moaned. "That's so good!" She said. Dustin noticed that her breasts rocked back and forth with each thrust of his hips. He watched them for a while as if mesmerized. Then, since his arms were beginning to get tired, he sat up on his knees. He watched his dick sliding in and out of her. He pushed her legs up, and then began really thrusting into her. He sped up his tempo and really began to fuck her hard. He could feel the powerful warm feelings flood his mind and body. His dick felt like lightning in a soft warm bottle.

Sarah moaned with pleasure. Dustin's breathing became faster and stronger. He had started with her legs close together, with her feet together. But now he had pushed her legs apart and was fucking her as hard and fast as he'd ever given it to any guy. Sarah appreciated the effort and felt her body reward her with powerful orgasms. As she thrashed and writhed beneath him, Dustin could no longer hold back and grunted loudly as he filled her with his cum. He slammed himself hard into her upturned hips as he unloaded wave after wave into her.

"Oh fuck." He said.

"Mmmm..." Sarah moaned. "That felt soooo good!"

"Fuck...." Dustin said again, still trying to get his bearings.

"I know." Sarah replied. "I can feel it inside me. It's so hot."

"What?" Dustin asked.

"I can't believe how good that felt."

"What felt... Oh fuck! I came inside you!" Dustin exclaimed.

"Dustin, I'm not worried. I wouldn't have made love to you if I was worried. Didn't you enjoy me?"

"Of course I enjoyed it, but I'm not used to doing girls. I'm used to just..."

"Dustin, relax. There's nothing to worry about. I'm on the pill."

Dustin sighed with relief. "Oh thank god." He said.

"That was one of the best experiences I've ever had. My god, you're awesome. I've had guys that were bigger, but you're definitely better. I can't believe that's your first time with a woman. You can come over here anytime."

"Yeah..." Dustin said, looking around the room. "Where'd you throw my pants?"

As Dustin was leaving, Sarah, wrapped in a bathrobe, walked him to his bike.

"Dustin, you don't have to leave you know." She said.

"I know. I just want to think. My mind is kind of on overload right now. I didn't think I was going to fuck you when I came over here. I just wanted to talk to somebody."

"You enjoyed it, didn't you?" Sarah asked.

"Yeah." Dustin said.

"I just wanted to make you feel better."

"It's just... I just didn't expect it. I don't know... I've never had sex with a girl before... I mean... I guess... Oh, I don't know. I mean, if you were a guy..."

"Dustin! Don't worry! It's okay to feel that way. I wasn't expecting it either. I mean, I wanted it to happen... But it was still exciting. It felt so good, I can still feel you inside me."

"Okay... Well, I'm going to head home. Thanks for everything."

"Anytime." Sarah replied.

Sarah gave Dustin a quick kiss and then he was on his way. His mind was even more overloaded now than it had been when he started. He had never expected that he'd have had sex with Sarah when he left his house. He wasn't even quite sure just how it had happened. And even though he felt better about his feelings about his dad, now he had to deal with new feelings about Sarah. He sort of wished that he hadn't fucked her, and that was a new feeling for him. He never felt bad about fucking somebody.

He was still thinking about it as he was walking to his apartment.

"Mr. Johnston!" Dustin said, seeing his neighbor walking down the hallway.

"Whoa, Red!" Mr. Johnston said, remembering Dustin biting his head off earlier. "I don't want any trouble."

"I'm sorry I yelled at you earlier. I had a lot on my mind." Dustin apologized.

"Well, I guess I've been a little annoying lately myself, Red."

"Yeah." Dustin said. "Well, I got some pussy tonight." He added.

"What?" Mr. Johnston asked. But it was too late. Dustin was already in the safety of his apartment.

"You're quite a piece of work, Red." Mr. Johnston said, shaking his head.

Meanwhile, in his apartment, Dustin had laid down on his couch. He was expecting to lay there awake for a while, with so much going on in his head. But to his surprise, he fell into the deepest sleep he'd had in a long time.