Dylans Dilemma

DYLAN'S DILEMMA ....PART 13

Chapter One

Sunday morning laying in bed... it's seven o'clock and I can't seem to go back to sleep. Willie left a little before midnight... I think I can still smell him on the sheets. He fucked me in my bed so nice last night it's left me with a squirmy, warm feeling in my hole and since it happened seven hours ago, that's impressive. My ass feels so excellent it makes me wonder if I'd ever feel this sexually satisfied if I were a straight boy? I can't imagine I would, of course I'll never find out because I'm not straight. You can't pretend you're gay, and then pretend you're not. You also can't pretend you're in love and then try to pretend you're not, when you are. I'm in love and I'm gay. I don't want to pretend I'm not, but I do have a problem with the "being in love" part... the thing is, I just might be "double" in love, or close to it. In love with Willie for sure, and maybe getting ready to be in love with Robbie too. He's certainly lovable... his personality, his looks, his everything... all of him is lovable. I haven't noticed any kind of mean streak or moodiness in Robbie. It's more like, "yes Dylan"... "is this OK Dylan?"... "I love you Dylan". What to do with that? Do you say... sorry, I'm busy being in love with someone else. No one could ignore Robbie telling you he loves you... I can't anyway. And, I also can't hurt him, or Willie by dumping either of them. I also can't see myself being a two-faced, two-timing selfish bastard stringing Robbie or Willie along just for sex. NO!, I won't do that so I got myself a serious problem here, it's a fucking dilemma is what it is... and I haven't a clue how to resolve it.

The thing is, I'm weak. I say I don't want to be a two-faced two-timing bastard, but at the same time I'm saying I can't envision giving either of them up, and that's a contradiction right there. Robbie is very new to gay boy sex, but that's part of the magic of him, part of what's so special about him. I've more or less lusted after him for the past year which covers months before I even acknowledged to myself that I was gay... in those days I wanted us to be good friends. Then discovering I'm gay, and discovering five months later that Robbie is too, and to find out he has a crush on me... well, come on! Who's tough enough to blow that off? Not me, that's for damn sure. His smell, his looks, his touch, his taste... all wonderfully sexy. And he says he's in love with me. I'm not really in love with him I don't think... not yet anyway. Not in love the same way I am with Willie. Of course, I wasn't in love with Willie right off either, it took months. I did like Willie from the first time I met him though and the same is true for Robbie. Robbie and Willie both were full of compliments for me right from the start too, and they also both told me they were in love with me early in our relationship. It's a weird but flattering coincidence although I don't know if Willie really was in love with me back then or not... maybe he was in love with the idea of being in love with someone, and I was handy. Maybe the same can be said of Robbie too because it's awful soon for him to know if he's in love with me, although...hell, I'm pretty much a novice about love myself so I can't really be sure about any of this. I'm pretty sure I fell in love with Willie some time after he fell for me, quite a while after actually... maybe it happened for me in Sea Isle City. I don't really know, but I do know I feel about Willie differently then I've ever felt about any other boy. I love Chubby as a person more than I love anyone else "as a person", but there isn't the deep sexual intimacy between Chubby and me, and that does appear to be a necessary ingredient for us to be "in love" with each other. And, unfortunately for me it don't look like Chubby and I are ever going to have that kind of intimate sexual relation. Hell, I don't even think Chubby's gay, not completely like I am anyway. We do have the deepest brotherly love ever in the history of modern man though, so we'll always have that going for us.

No, Chubby isn't clouding the picture... he isn't adding to my dilemma. It's Willie or Robbie that's the dilemma, and neither of them are even aware I have a dilemma. Willie doesn't know anything about Robbie of course. On the other hand, Robbie knows I have a boyfriend named Willie because I told him I do. Even though he's never met Willie Robbie's mentioned that he's jealous of my relationship with him. He says he's jealous and yet he doesn't even know the true nature of our relationship... he doesn't know that Willie and I are in love... he thinks were just random boyfriends. Jeez, Robbie is so innocent when it comes to love, even more innocent than I was five or six months ago. He's such a sweet kid though, he says he likes to do stuff for me, actually be submissive to me. He "wants" to be submissive to me... that's what he said anyway. Willie obviously is the opposite, he insist on being dominant, but his "dominant" behavior consist mostly of using the word "pussy" instead of "ass" and insisting we have the same haircut, or other silly things like that. Oh yeah, and having his arm around my waist when we're walking together is another thing he does. He does it so everyone will know I'm his boyfriend... or maybe so everyone will know he's mine. Who knows exactly, I'm not sure Willie even knows. So OK, he's got a few issues, who doesn't? It's mostly a lot of nonsense, but it can be fun some times too... you know, the way he's so serious about the nuttiest stuff, that's fun and funny at times. Plus, on the serious side, Willie is very smart and he's done more things in his life than anyone else I know... he's not just some cute, funny kid. Although, well yeah there is the cute factor, I mean he is cute! and he has a hot slim body too. He's an athlete, a good dancer and he has a hot convertible car and he buys me expensive gifts... ha ha ha. What's not to love. But I'm being silly, it's "all" the obvious things about Willie, plus that intangible quality about him, maybe some subconscious thing in my brain that made me fall in love with him. I can't articulate it, it's just there. I love being with him and I don't mind overlooking a lot of little negatives because he has a lot of positives to off-set them. I'm in love with him and that's all there is to it. Strangely, it's almost like I had nothing to do with it either... it just happened. OK, so that's the story... now, what the hell am I going to do about it, about my dilemma, I mean. How do I keep both Robbie and Willie? No, that's not even the dilemma. My actual dilemma has to be who do I say goodbye to, not how do I keep both of them.

Thinking about these things while laying in my bed was confusing and tiring, and so I eventually fell asleep. The next thing I was aware of was the sun shining brightly in my eyes and Chubby rubbing his hand back through my flattop saying, "Awww, ain't he cute!" and when I opened one eye and smiled at him, he goes, "Get in late again last night, did ya? You're turning into a real tomcat." I groggily mumble, "What the hell does that mean?" Chub goes, "Come on sleeping beauty we need to make Sunday breakfast" and he gets one arm under my neck and the other under my legs to pick me up and drag me off the bed. I put both my arms around his neck and hugged his head against mine saying, "I love you Chubby". He dropped me then and I slid off the side of the bed as he stage whispers, "God damnit Dylan, your Mom's right on the other side of that door!". Oh man, Chubby and his paranoia! I say, "Kiss me bro" and he gets angry for a second, then laughingly helps me off the floor and actually kissed my cheek saying, "You happy now, ya homo?" He smelled so warm, so yummy, I say, "Oh dude, kiss me on the lips, not my cheek!". He was back to "Shhhh, damn you! Come on, get dressed". I love Chubby. He leaned on my bathroom's door jam to watch me brush my teeth, take my pee, wash my face, and then finally we're both back in my bedroom and I pulled on some wrinkled cargo shorts and Chubby tossed me a sleeveless T shirt that I pulled over my head. Stepping into some sandals I was ready to face the world... maybe just a tiny bit hungover. "Look at these guns on me, Dude" I challenge him as I made fists in the air, showing off both my biceps. Chubby makes one with his right arm and I was surprised to see his muscle definition. I go, "Dude! How'd ya get so toned?" He laughed again and said, "washing windows is not a job for weaklings" and then we went to fix breakfast. This morning it was waffles with real maple syrup, Jimmy Dean breakfast sausages, and honeydew melon. I walked the three blocks to Dunkin Donuts for the coffees while Chubby put the sausage in a frying pan, got out the waffle iron, and gathered up the stuff for whipping up the waffle batter.

During breakfast the Moms flipped a coin to see who was going out with Chubby and me for our first behind-the-wheel, live drivers- training action. Tris lost the coin flip so she's first, and then Chubby and I flipped a coin to see who drives first and Chubby of course won so he'd try his hand at driving first. I'd be in the backseat with my fingers crossed hoping he does real good. I'd also have a seatbelt tight around me with my feet against the back of the front seat in case he doesn't do real good. To be honest, I was a little bit nervous that the time was finally here to drive a real car on actual roads. After the breakfast dishes were cleaned up, Tris, Chubby, and me got in the old Volvo station wagon which is a helluva car to learn to drive in, but it's all we have. Tris drives us to the empty parking lot of a huge office complex in downtown Framingham and backed the Volvo in against the curb in front of the building. I looked out the back window at the wide lawn running up behind us wondering if the commercial guys from Dickers Landscaping & Design were responsible for the beautiful golf-course look of it. Nothing in the parking lot except us, lots of light fixture poles, and two other cars with student drivers slowly milling around way down the other end. Those two cars had driven past us as Tris was backing into our parking spot... both of the student drivers in those cars were girls who looked about sixteen and who we didn't know, thank God! Chubby and I will be eighteen in a couple of weeks and to be seen in a parking lot with our mothers teaching us to drive at this age is humiliating, to put it nicely. Tris changed places with Chubby who, behind the wheel now, was adjusting the seat up as close to the pedals and steering wheel as he could get it. Tris says, "That's too close Chubby, you're not that short"... he said he felt more comfortable that way. It looked awkward to me from my perch in the back seat. I was nervous for Chubby because I could sense he was nervous too. Chubby hates to look foolish and he can get flustered with new challenges in the early going.

When Chubby was settled more or less, Tris, in excruciating details explained what every gage, button and hole on the dashboard and steering column were for and how each worked. Then, done with that she says, "OK, Chubby... before you start the car show me your learners permit". By the look on Chubby's cute face, which I could see in the rearview mirror, I knew he'd forgotten to bring it. He goes, "It's in my wallet, Mom. We're cool." She says, "Show me your wallet, Honey, and we'll get going". He goes, "Heh heh, Oh... my wallet. Funny thing, it's on the kitchen counter. Heh heh... no biggie, I'll get it next time." Big lecture from Tris follows... she emphasized that we need to always have the learners permit on our person while driving just like we'll need to always have our license with us, if we ever get one. She says, "Switch places Chub, I'll drive home so you can get it off the counter" then she turns around and says to me, "I'll bet you have yours, don't you Dylan" and I pulled it out of my pocket and showed her that I did. Chubby mumbled, "brown noser" and started to get out of the car to change places when Tris holds up his wallet. "I got it for you this time scatter brain, but you remember it next time... OK?" Chubby smiles and said something about he knew she had it all along.

"Start her up, Chubby". I had begun to relax slightly when I saw Tris had the license for Chubby, but I tensed up again as soon as Chubby turned the key because the engine started right up, but he kept pressure on the key causing a distressing noise from the engine. Tris stayed calm and said, "Let up on the key Chubby, the engine started right up when you turned it. You only need to turn it once and release it." I could see color start to form at the back of Chubby's neck and I know he was getting upset and embarrassed about looking foolish. I crossed my fingers again hoping for the best. Then, to save face a little, he looked in the rear view mirror at me and crossed his eyes. Tris says, "I saw that Chubby, concentrate on your driving and not on Dylan!" He nods his head and smirks at me in the mirror again, but I know he was pissed that his Mom was correcting him in front of me. "Ease it into gear and lightly touch the gas" is Tris' instructions and Chubby pulls down on the gear shift and steps lightly on the gas and we hear the motor humming along nicely, but we're not moving. "That's neutral, Chub... you want the "D", put it in drive" Tris says quietly. I then knew it wasn't going to go well, the bright red color spread from Chubby's neck to his ears as he pulls on the gear shift again and stumps on the gas petal in frustration. The car shoots backward up over the curb onto the beautiful office park's lawn with Tris screaming, "Take you foot off the gas petal, honey!". Chubby slams on the break causing the heavy station wagon to go skidding backward on the grass. When we stopped Chubby accidentally pulls the windshield wipers lever, and with the windshield wipers on high speed, highly agitated himself now, Chubby pulled down on the gear shift and hits the gas doing a jackrabbit start off the grass... big tuffs of lawn flew up behind the car. I was laying on the back seat biting my index finger trying as hard as I know how not to laugh but the sounds were slipping out as I tried doing pretend coughs to cover up. I don't know whos face was redder, mine or Chubby's. Tris was like, "Calm down, Chubby! God Damnit, calm down!" I'm making mewing sounds with my face against the seat. Chubby's yelling, "I hear you back there, Dylan. You just wait." It wasn't a good start for our driving lessons, but things got a little better once Chubby drove us at two miles per hour around to the back of the building... it was as far away from the carnage on the front lawn as we could get. After an agonizing hour it was my turn and I had a few mishaps, but I'd learned to avoid the things Chubby did wrong, so driving second was a blessing. After me, Chubby did another half hour, and then my turn again, and then Tris said, "Oh, thank God my shift is over. Dylan's Mom has you this afternoon, guys... lets get some lunch back at the condo. I'll drive".

The afternoon went much better, but afterward Chubby and I were stressed out, and so where the Moms. No one felt like cooking so we ordered out for dinner, Dominos pizza. Chubby and me were in the basement on the recliner watching the Red Sox after dinner, Chubby up against my side like old times. I felt so close to him. We've done everything together our whole lives... learning to drive was just the most recent thing. I put my arm around his neck and hugged him and Chubby didn't stiffen up at all, just molded into my side. I'd do anything in the world for Chubby and I never wanted to hurt his feelings, but remembering the beginning of our driving lesson made me all of a sudden burst out a laugh. Chubby goes, "You prick, you better not be laughing at my driving" and he started laughing too, but to save face he also got me in a surprise headlock. We wrestled on the double recliner a bit until we both had a hold on the other and it turned into the sweetest hug we've had together since sleeping in that same double bed in Wildwood. I though about Willie and me hugging each other as we slow danced at the block party and I wanted so badly to do that with Chubby... swaying to the music with out faces side by side. I said into the side of Chubby's head, "I love you Chubby" and he mumbled, "Me too, bro" and we hugged a little longer until Chubby said, "OK, homo... time to get real" and we broke apart with me saying, "You're the homo, you started it". Chubby smiled and said, "We're both homos, Dylan, you know that as well as I do". He said it in such a pleasant, matter-of-fact way I didn't know how to take it. I wanted so badly to tell him I'm gay, but I was afraid. Yes, afraid. Not afraid we wouldn't still be friends for ever, but afraid we'd be a different kind of friends after I said it, like maybe the fact that I'm gay would change things. We'd be friends, but with an asterisk next to our friendship or something. Taking a chance Chubby might be gay was too big a chance to take when our perfect friendship might hang in the balance. I couldn't make myself say the words.

Chubby went upstairs to his condo after the game and for a while I concentrated on the smell of him on the arm I'd had behind his head. I inhaled his aroma, I love the way he smells... a smell I've smelled all my life. Why can't I tell him I'm gay? Then I decided I had plenty of reasons why I couldn't. Anyway, I already have this major dilemma of Robbie or Willie. As soon as I thought "Robbie", I thought about tomorrow morning and our plan to make out for a few minutes each morning... we rationalized that it was a good way to get our day started on the right foot. To do our make-out in secrecy we'd been going way back to the old run-down locker section that no ones used in years. Oh yeah, I could almost taste Robbie just thinking about our first kiss. Playing with myself while laying on the recliner felt real good... I eyed the half bath, but forced myself to abstain. I'm no pervert jerking off every two minutes. Once in bed however with just my boxer shorts on I had second thoughts about that. I was speculating how it would feel for Chubby and me to be dancing together wrapped in each others arms, and then after that I thought about Robbie and me making out, and then what about Chubby and me making out... oh my God! My boner was too hard to ignore so I stroked it while thinking about the reality of Willie and me making out and in a short while I clenched my teeth together, curled my toes up tight, humped my crotch up off the bed and shot a big stream of cum on the clean section of the sheet. Damn! Now I had to roll over to the crusty part of the sheet were my climax from the other night had splattered and dried. Hey, as it turns out, it's not too bad sleeping under cum-dried sheets... very homey. After the climax I went to sleep easily because student driving is a bitch and I was all tuckered out.

Didn't see Chubby Monday morning because he still leaves early trying to impress Ricky. The Monday morning bus rides are the gloomiest of the week... no one likes Monday mornings very much. I smoked a cigarette walking from the bus stop to the Dickers Landscaping offices and garages and just before walking through the door I popped a stick of Doublemint gum in my mouth to cover my cigarette breath. Said good morning to Mr Dickers and Toby who were having coffee together in the lobby talking about something that had them both laughing... maybe they were writing Joel's work evaluation. If Mr Dickers hadn't been there I would have been groped by Toby for certain, but that's OK... I've grown to like Toby. The first line of lockers in the workers locker room are for the foreman and Joel was there with a fresh haircut looking scary as usual. He looked up as I tried to sneak by him, crooked his finger for me to come over to him, and when I was standing up straight in front of him saying "Good morning, Joel", he goes, "We're definitely on for this Saturday. I almost had to postpone it again, but I managed to work around a problem" then he looked at my hair with a frown on his face. I tried to stand taller, coughed nervously, and looked down. Pinching hairs in the front of my head, Joel snarled, "These have got to go, I already told you that, dummy!... no body hair either. You got it?" I didn't want any confrontation so I just said, "Yes, Joel." He apparently was in a mean mood this morning because he tugged on those hairs so hard tears ran down my cheeks and at least six or eight hairs were pulled out of my head to drift down to the floor and that really fucking hurt! I didn't complain though. He mocked me by mimicking the way I had said, "Yes Joel" then, in his own voice he said, "You really need a strong hand on that bubble butt ass of yours. This weekend is something you desperately need, you'll agree it's been good for you even before it's over." He had his tongue poking out the side of his cheek as he said, "You ever give head? I'll bet you have!" and he grabbed my jaw and moving it back and forth said, "Don't worry too much about Saturday night, but just so ya know... you'll hate it" and he laughed a mean spirited short laugh. He took hold of my lower lip with his thumb and index finger and pulled it out, away from my teeth. Then he ran his little finger against my lower gum saying, "I'm betting by Sunday afternoon you'll have forgotten all the nasty stuff from Saturday night and be concentrating on pleasing me... and enjoying yourself too." Letting go of my lip he laughed that phony laugh of his, then mumbled, "You don't have a clue, do ya? I can't wait! Get out of here now!" There was some kind of a sour taste in my mouth from Joel rubbing my gum with his little finger... gross!

Hurrying away, feeling humiliated again, I decided I had to get out of the overnight thing with Joel. An idea! I'll confide in Willie and see if he can get me out of it. It felt good to have a plan even though I had no idea how Willie could help me, especially since he'll be in Maine with those nut case dominant assholes, Larry and Carl this weekend. My plan made no sense really, I just had this crazy idea that Willie will know what to do. I felt that way because he's known what to do in the past about things and I just expect he'll have an answer for this. Anyway, I don't know who else to turn to. Walking away from Joel, the next guys a little further down the locker room are the college guys and as soon as they saw me one of them yelled, "Stop! Bobbsey Twins require a morning inspection!" This is one of their routines. They tease Robbie and me that we're the Bobbsey Twins and sometimes they'll do this mock inspection. The pretend inspections started when Robbie and I got the same haircut and then a couple weeks later I got that absurd military flattop that the college kids hated. Clayton says, "Hmmm. Ok good, you stayed away from all barber shops as instructed. Same baby face, check... same skinny body, check. Let's smell your breath" so I did a long exhale right in his face and Clayton goes, "Ah ha! You've been chewing gum again. Take it out and put it on your nose... no gum chewing." I put the wad of gum on my nose and was then allowed to pass. They're good guys and I heard one say to some others, "they're good kids" meaning Robbie and me, so the feeling is mutual. Hey, maybe I'll get the college guys to kill Joel... hmmmm.

Changing at my locker before going down to Robbie's I thought about all the reasons I did NOT want to confide in Robbie about the Joel problem. Number one reason is that no matter what the solution might be it will eventually be tremendously disruptive to the Dickers organization. To have this pervert-nutcase Joel forcing an underage kid to spend the night with him... with those cock rings and banded balls or whatever it was Joel had said is in store for me... well, that news gets out and gets blown up even worse then it already is and then the newspapers and radio/TV guys are saying "what kind of a company would have such an employee"... blab blab blab.... and the customers are saying "we can't have these people on our property" blab blab blab. It's the kind of sensational thing that could take on a life of it's own. On the other hand, if I tell Joel directly to fuck-off he's going to snap out and I could end up seriously hurt or dead. That doesn't reflect too well on the company either as police will want to know how a boy got so beat-up. I've already tried discussing this with Joel logically but he rejects what I say out of hand... won't even consider that I don't "want it", whatever "it" exactly is. I mean, I know he's going to fuck me, that goes without saying, but the other stuff... what's that all about. The discipline stuff he says I need, or whatever the hell he's talking about. The Dickers have been too nice to Chubby and me for me to allow their company to get blown-up with a scandal, one that Joel would claims I brought on myself. And, what would my Mom think?Plus, me being gay complicates it even more. I feel totally helpless and of course the underlying thing is I need the money from this job. I still owe more money for the rest of this year's auto insurance. I'm fucked, except I'm betting Willie will come up with a solution of some kind.

I'd almost convinced myself I'm not going to need to spend a night with Joel so my step was lighter as I skipped down to Robbie's locker... hell, I was excited about just seeing Robbie's cute face and that oh-so-hot taut body with that fabulous ass of his... the ass I love to grab a fistful of, and then fuck. Damn, I'm getting another boner. I tossed my gum into a wastebasket, then tried to make myself smile for Robbie. He heard my footsteps and met me as I turned into his aisle. "Hi Dylan, how'd your student driving go?" I told him Chubby and me were ready for the NASCAR circuit and then I ran my fingers through that silky light blond hair of his and said, "Missed ya, dude". Robbie was all over me with hugs and kisses... I go, "Dude! Let's be cool about this. Off to the bat-cave or we'll get caught here for sure"... he smiled, took my hand and we walked back to the old locker section like a couple of gay boys, which actually, we are. I told him to just stand still and he did what he was told just like a good cub scout, and I got my arms around his neck and kissed him the way Willie and I kiss. Robbie's arms immediately wrapped around my waist hugging me into him tightly... the boy is strong, his tongue was very active, our lips made smacking sounds as we swapped spit. The spit was spreading as we rubbed our noses together and it got real sloppy from our licking too. Before I could think straight it turned into a significantly longer period of making-out then the two or three minutes we allocated for it... both our cocks were very hard. Robbie's cock being short tended to point straight out from his groin, while mine usually pointed up. I liked bouncing against his spike and as I worked my arms down from around his neck to grab those fistfuls of ass I mentioned earlier, Robbie began to pant in my face, warm moist, fresh smelling exhales... like an overheated puppy dog. He was hotly aroused to say the least. I got my hand inside the back of his shorts, under his jockey underwear and massaged his bare buttocks as Robbie kept humping into my crotch, right on the shaft of my boner. Felt awful good. My index finger was running up and down Robbie's ass crack slipping over his hole which was becoming slightly sweaty. When the pad of my finger was damp enough I poked it up his hole to the first joint, then slowly inside to the second joint... then I began finger fucking his hole with short one-and-a-half inch thrusts, making sure to rub right over his prostate. Robbie started making these odd squeaky sounds and saying "Oh Dylan..." quietly, in between the squeaks. I finger fucked him like that for only a minute or so until he went up on his toes, humped hard into my crotch, then held his groin right against mine blowing lots of air in my face. I knew what was happening, and sure enough his sphincter ring closed tightly on my finger as he spurted cum into his pants while making high pitched noises, our foreheads touching... his sphincter muscle tightened with each of the ejaculations of creaming teen cum he shot off in his pants. Felt weird having his hole close so tightly on my skinny finger but hell, it's actually closed completely most of the time.

Robbie collapsed against me after cuming, he was going "Ooooooh...Ahhh..." his face was hot, my finger still up his hole doing little wiggles to scratch his itch... my other hand was rubbing up the back of his head gently as he now rested his forehead on my shoulder. Lots of breathing in between the "Ooooh and Ahhh" sounds and then, "Oh my god, Dylan... when I don't think it's possible to feel anything better, you do something amazingly better. That was such a surprise and felt so good I can't even describe it... soooo gooood, Dylan." Of course, I'd just done to Robbie what Willie's done to me a few times and now I knew pretty much how good Willie felt when he did it to me. I didn't want to detract from Robbie's feel-good moment by mentioning Willie's name so I didn't tell him it was Willie and his cohorts who taught me that way of getting a boy to cum in his pants. It was a nice thing knowing how much pleasure Robbie had just felt from me finger fucking him though. He was clinging to me, and you know what... it made me feel like I had a kind of power over him. It made me feel good too, like I was helping him the same way guys, particularly Willie, had helped me along in my early gay days. God, his hair is so special to run my fingers through, and there's always that Robbie smell to enjoy. So nice! The only problem was I couldn't see how I was going to get myself to cum this morning. I didn't feel comfortable wacking off in a locker room lavatory stall like Robbie did last week, but as it turned out Robbie calmed down, and then so did my dick so I got past the point were I felt I had to cum and we walked back up to Robbie's locker with my balls still loaded with cum... that feels good too.

By now Robbie was so relaxed he was joking about the cum in his pants being wet, cold, and feeling yucky. At his locker he dropped his shorts and his underwear and stood there with his pecker and balls hanging out while he fished in his locker saying, "I know I have some almost clean underwear in here somewhere, and some old shorts to wear after work too". His penis was shriveled up some after the climax and looking at it I figured it couldn't be more then three inches long... the short dick made his normal size nuts look bigger than they were. He might have the smallest cock I've ever seen on a teenager and yet he appeared totally unconcerned as he made no move to hurry getting underwear on. I stared at his dick remembering how it tasted when I sucked on it in the truck last Wednesday. Hell, I wanting to suck on it right now... at least suck off the cum still drooling on it from his climax. We heard some noise up front though and Robbie quickly slipped on underpants and then the Dicker's Landscaping shorts and T shirt outfit that we work in. Walking outside with our luke warm coffees I realized we'd missed the massages this morning. Jeez, getting Robbie to blow a load in his pants was so hot though I could even forfeit the massages without too much regret! Taking a sip of my coffee I smelled the shitty odor on my finger and went back in to wash it, thinking... everyone's shit must smell the same.

The work day went as it normally does, no surprises. I thought about Robbie quite a bit and every time I looked up there he was across the lawn or at the pick-up truck, always busy doing something useful... it made me realize what a hard worker he was. Robbie was a conscientious kid, at school, at work, and at play. I had this odd feeling thinking about him choosing me to "be in love with", it was all so wicked sweet and it made me feel proud. I'm proud he chose me, surprised too because I'm the unworthy one, not Robbie. As I said, I've always liked Robbie and my emotions are ratcheting up day by day. God almighty, is he cute! When I wasn't thinking about Robbie I thought about tonight after work when Chubby and I would be picked up at the condos by our "real" driving instructor. An older woman with a reputation for being a hard grader and a bit nasty about the whole thing... you know, like she hates being a driver instructor, but she's out of options to do anything else. It's a bad break being assigned to her. And after thinking about that, I'd think about my date coming up with Willie Tuesday night, and how important that can be. Of course I'm referring to my hope he can come up with a solution to my "Joel problem". When I thought of Willie, I usually wound-up thinking about me cheating on him and then I'd get depressed because I still have no idea what to do about that situation... Willie or Robbie. They're both so different but yet I can't conceive of telling either one that I won't be seeing them anymore. Fucking dilemma alright.

DYLAN'S DILEMMA ...PART 13

Chapter Two

I ran home from the bus-stop after work so I'd have time to take a quick shower before the Driver's Education instructor arrived to pick Chubby and me up. "You need to be punctual!" is the warning at the top of our drivers training schedule. Outside after my shower and there was Chubby. He was sitting on the steps smoking, his buzzed hair still damp from his shower. Looking around at me, he says, "You go first this time, Dylan. I went first yesterday". I say, "Well, good evening to you too, dude. You won a coin flip to go first yesterday, remember. You didn't volunteer to go first, you wanted to go first." "I don't care, you go first" and he stood up then as a red Ford Fairlane with a big sign on top reading "STUDENT DRIVER" was pulling over at the curb in front of our steps. Chubby says, "This might be for us" and I mumble, "Ya think?" then I asked, "You have your driver's permit, right?" and without saying a word he runs up the steps and goes inside his condo, the door slamming behind him. The red Ford stops and a large person inside begins rustling through a stack of papers on a clipboard. I'm slowly approaching the car, not sure if I should wait for the instructor to call me, or what. The door opens causing an initial surprise for me because at first I thought the person in the car was a stout man with iron gray hair cut short, and I'd been expecting a cranky lady instructor. I quickly realized it wasn't a man, unless he was in drag that is. The person was surely a woman wearing a very loose-fitting brown dress which I believe is called a moo moo. Her nose was large and red, many spidery red veins webbed her manly cheek bones. She was wearing large blue plastic framed eyeglasses perched on her large red nose in front of her tiny dark eyes... she appeared angry about something, her mouth turned down at the ends, a frown on her pie pan face, her big head slowly shaking back and forth. That big head had quite a few chins at the bottom that jiggled as her head moved, it was all precariously supported by a thin neck that led to wide shoulders as part of a very big body. Only ankles and wrists were visible and they were hairy looking and very manly. Yikes!

I stared silently at her until she slowly looked up from reading the papers in her hand to scowl at me. I looked away and did a pretend hiccup. Her wide, turned-down mouth was used to ask me, "Are you Newman or Romero?" I said, "Newman" and she said, "Where's Romero?" I turned to look back just as Chubby, waving his drivers permit, jumped down the last three steps and said, "I'm here, er, ah... ma'am?" His gender confusion at first glance of our instructor up-close almost made me laugh, but I turned it into a fake sneeze which caused the instructor to stare hard at me. I looked down at my hand which I noticed was holding my learners permit so I then held it up for her to see and she copied some information off it... then did the same from Chubby's. That done, she spoke in her gravelly voice... "Both of you nitwits get in the front seat. My name is Ms Oberbite and that's the only name I want you to use when referring to me. First off, listen up! I'll explain everything on the dashboard and steering column. I expect to only need to do this once." She looked at me and said, "You... go around and get in the passenger's side". I scurried around the back of the car, on the way I noticed her car was decorated with two bumper stickers. One said, "WHEN I WAS YOUNGER, ALL I WANTED WAS A NICE BMW! NOW, I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE "W" and the other... "I'M SO OLD THAT WHENEVER I EAT OUT, THEY ASK ME FOR MONEY UP FRONT". Somehow I didn't think these were her bumper stickers... she doesn't seem the laugh riot type.

We spent a tedious fifteen minutes going over what Tris had already gone over yesterday and then it was, "You" pointing at me again, "get in the back" and with the same blunt index finger she pointed in Chubby's face saying, "You'll drive first". I thought... so much for Chubby wanting me to go first. Chubby squirmed in the drivers seat as Ms Oberbite says, "You're very short so adjust the seat way up and always, for the rest of your life, do the same seat adjustment whenever you're driving. Then, always adjust the mirrors too... so someone of your diminutive height can see out of them." I was in the backseat with my fingers crossed again. By now Chubby's ears were almost as red as the instructor's nose. "OK, everybody lock your door and put on your seat belt... you, shorty, don't lock the passenger's door, and don't touch anything else until I tell you to! Wait till I get around to the passenger seat." As she walked around the front of the car I said, "Be cool, Chubby. You'll do great!" He mumbled, "That fat fucken' hermaphrodite, sucks! " I was doing deep breathing trying not to laugh as I digested Chubby's evaluation of our driver training instructor. It got near the hysterically funny stage watching from the back seat as Chubby pretended to be ultra interested in what Ms Oberbite was saying. It was even funnier because we'd already heard this stuff before from Tris so Chubby was as bored as I was but he pretended otherwise. What a riot. With saliva at the corners of her mouth she ended her canned speech about safety, took a deep, exaggerated breath, and then gave Chubby a verbal spot quiz about street signs and speed limits. Chubby and I had been asking each other questions from the drivers manual ever since we got back from Wildwood so we knew the correct answers. Knowing correct answers got Chubby only a snorting "Humph" from Ms Oberbite. Eventually she gave the go ahead and Chubby, biting his bottom lip in concentration, pulled slowly away from the curb. We spent a tense two hours driving, in the dark the last forty-five minutes, but Chubby and I did OK. Yesterday's six hours with our Moms helped us more then we thought it had at the time. We basically knew how to drive after those six hours, but we needed experience to gain confidence. The state requires at least twelve hours on the road with a driving instructor and twelve hours with an adult licensed driver so we had a ways to go, but we sure as hell were on our way... finally.

Most of Ms Oberbite's lectures involved observations of other drivers rather than criticism of our driving. She did implore Chubby to at least drive somewhere near the speed limit... he wasn't speeding, but rather the opposite, he was crawling along so slowly that many cars backed up behind us. I had to bite my hand to keep from guffawing at the idea of Chubby going too slow because I know that as soon as Ms Oberbite is out of the picture he'll be speeding all over town, laying rubber with jack-rabbit starts and flashing the finger at slower drivers who get in his way. For now he's epitomizing the term "brown noser" with our instructor to help insure he passes the course. His tight facial expression indicating that he was concentrating on what he was doing. While Chubby always tries to do the very best at whatever it is that he's doing, I could tell he was putting on an act for Ms Oberbite. That had me chuckling inside and when Ms Oberbite went apoplectic from spotting a teenaged girl speeding down the highway with a cell phone scrunched between her shoulder and ear, while she was putting on lipstick using the rear view mirror, we both almost "lost it' and laughed out loud. Oh my God was Ms Oberbite screaming through the closed window at the girl, who was oblivious to it all. I stared at a big vein in Ms Oberbite's throat as it protruded and pulsed the harder she yelled and thrusted her arms about, spit flying out between her fat lips. Both Chubby and me were having trouble maintaining serious facial expressions through her rantings and ravings... I was barking out coughs to keep from laughing and Chubby was blowing air out his nose in snorts. Ms Oberbite was not amused and screamed that Chubby should pull over immediately and when we were at a stop she lectured us on "silly behavior" while driving... apparently she didn't care for it.

At the end of a long couple of hours, I finally drove us back to our condo where Ms Oberbite wrote some information on a form and Chubby and me signed it. She ushered us out of the car, and without a " bye bye" or a "ta-ta for now" she was off. Ms Oberbite is not big on social graces or even offering encouraging comments to her students. Chubby and I rolled our eyes as we watched her turn the corner, then we high fived each other and slowly went up the step to the condos. We were hungry and tired, it had been a tense evening with that woman scowling at us every minute. Inside my place Chubby and I did a fist bump and told each other we did great, then after a quick hug, he says, "She sucks, but I don't give a damn... I only care about getting that license. God! The things we need to do to get it, huh Dylan?" I sarcastically say, "Oh, it's been a piece of cake every step of the way so far." We both shook our heads a little and then got busy fixing our late dinner... Kraft mac and cheese which we ate along with big fat hotdogs covered in mustard and onions. Lots of orange kool-aid too. We were so full after all that we went down to watch the end of the Red Sox game and both fell asleep laying against each other. Chubby woke me up at midnight mumbling, "Jesus, look at the time!... learning to drive is exhausting". Then, as we walked upstairs together and were passing my bedroom, I said, "How bout just crashing with me right here for tonight Chubby?" He moans "Dylaaaaaan, you know we're not doing that anymore" and I groan out, "Why not?" and Chubby goes, "I'm too tired to argue with you tonight, we agreed not to do it, OK?" Then a quick hug goodnight and he went up to his place. After that I felt real lonely in bed for some reason... dumb, I've got two boyfriends, why should I be lonely?

Next morning the bus was late and I fretted because it meant my time with Robbie before work was being cut short. As soon as I got inside the building, I saw Joel going into the lavatory and it reminded me that it was this Saturday that I was suppose to spend the night with him and that reminded me that I need to try to get Willie's help tonight to somehow prevent that from happening. Again I admitted to myself that I had no idea how Willie could help, but I wanted to at least tell him about Joel. Surely Willie wouldn't want Joel doing to me whatever it is he's going to do. Willie will know. After changing into work clothes, I hurried back to get as much of my good-morning, eye-opening make-out with Robbie that time allowed. All the way back I'm thinking how cool this is... each morning tasting Robbie's mouth and bumping boners with him and, all kinds of hot struff like that. He sure beamed when he saw me, "I was worried you weren't coming to work today" is what Robbie said in that super sincere manner of his. He reached out his hand and squeezed my arm as if to make sure I was really there. Damn, this is something awesomely new for me... you know, being so special to someone. I'd thought Willie made me feel special, but with Robbie there was definitely a different feel, it seemed more genuine, without pretension... or something like that. He's so innocent, so naive about his apparent infatuation with me, or is it simply a late bout of puppy love. I honestly don't know, but Robbie sure is investing a lot of himself in our relationship so far and I feel the significance of it, the responsibility of it too. I sure wish one of us knew what we were doing though.

I mumbled that my bus was late and nodded my head toward the way-back locker section. Robbie made a face like. "let's go!" I didn't finger fuck him this morning and he didn't cum in his pants, but we both got our boners and we both had red faces covered with spit when we headed back to his locker and our luke warm coffees that we'd left sitting on the bench. The bell sounded for work so we drank the coffees in the back of the pick-up truck exchanging glances and smirks that had at least one of the Hispanic guys frowning as he tried to figure out what was going on. That might have bothered me a couple of months ago, but now I figured it's his problem if he don't like the way Robbie and me were acting, not mine. The work day was pleasant enough with an unseasonably nice eighty degrees temperature and easy lawns to work with. The tough lawns on the side of hills came up on Thursday this week and I dreaded those things, but today was nice and I enjoyed working outside, with Robbie always in the vicinity so I could catch a look at that fantastically cute face from time to time. After work, Robbie and I had a little extra time for our make-out and at one point Robbie slid his lips away from my mouth to muttered, "I think I'm going to cum... wait, please..." and a minute later he chuckled and mumbled, "False alarm" and we went back to kissing. It's a delicious way of enjoying each other with our clothes on... convenient at work, ya know? When we had all the make-out we dared, and we'd walked out of the locker room, there were Mr and Mrs Dickers waiting. "What the hell took so long, Rob?" asked his dad and Robbie goes, "We were checking out the old locker section just for the hell of it, and that place needs work". His parents exchanged confused looks, then Mrs Dickers said, "We're going to convert that space into individual showers for the guys to use after work, what do ya think of that?" I waved goodbye and started walking toward my bus-stop hearing Robbie, in the distance say, "Yeah, good idea as long as you're not thinking of doing it this summer". I laughed out loud and thought, how did Robbie get to mean so much to me so quickly? Every day I spend in his company makes it harder for me to deal with this dilemma of Robbie or Willie. Just a week ago, it was Willie who I simply couldn't give up, but now... well, I just don't know.

It's a damn good thing it was a pleasant day today because Willie was meeting me at the bus stop after work and on a normally hot day I'd be all sweaty. He's taking me to that barbershop where he first got all his beautiful hair cut into the nineteen-fifties-style flattop and I don't imagine the barber would appreciate me dripping with sweat. No problem today though, I'm cool as a cucumber. It was certainly a very unique choice of haircut for Willie to get back then for our first real date, and now, all this time later I'm getting my hair cut like that again. I must to it in case Willie can't get me out of spending that night with Joel. Joel insist on short hair on my head and no body hair other then that at all... I wonder if that's a fetish or if it's some kind of dominance rule, or what. My life would be so much better without Joel in it. Willie was indeed waiting for me right at the bus stop, sitting in his convertible, both him and his car looking so cool. His hair was growing in nicely and I wished I could let mine continue doing the same, but life ain't always fair. I walked over to his car slowly, allowing the bus to get around the corner before I got in the passenger seat. Naturally Willie kissed me on the lips with a juicy one and I followed-up with one of my own because he gets me so hot it's silly. The kisses are the reason I made sure the bus was out of sight. I'm getting to know Willie and I just knew he'd do the kiss right out in the open like that. After our hello kiss, and after he tells me I'm a sexy looking "worker bee", and after he ruffles my hair, he says... "You sure about this haircut, Dylan?" and I grudgingly say, "I don't really want it, but I better get it to be safe. Come on Willie, the barbershop might close before we get there." Willie peels-out leaving rubber and laughingly says, "Yes sir! We're on our way" and I added, "Oh dude, thanks... man! I'll tell you about the whole situation right after the haircut". We made it to the barbershop before closing and I hopped right up into the empty chair. An ancient barber grumbled, "Flattop son?" and I quietly said, "Yes, half inch in front." The old guy wrapped the cape around me saying, "I'm the barber, son... don't tell me how to cut a flattop. Alright?" In my head I replied, "Fuck you! Eat a shit sandwich and die you old fart" but I said to him, "Yes, sir" and he took ten minutes to reduce my hair to almost nothing. Hell, my hair is light blond so it almost looks like I have no hair at all when it's this short. I thought sarcastically, Joel will be so proud of me.

Willie made a fuss about how short it was and told me that this was the last of the short haircuts either of us were getting until at least next summer. We talked about us letting our hair grow into that over-the-ear style that was so popular in the seventies. I said, "Why can't we have a current hairstyle?" and Willie goes, "Can you try to last one lousy hour without whining about something I mention, Dylan?" After that I quietly pouting the rest of the ride to Willie's house. We were going to eat dinner at Willie's, then we planned to fuck, then go to the movies and see "The Dark Knight". Pouting is boring and I needed Willie's help anyway, so as we drove up his driveway I said, "Sorry for being a contrarian, Willie. I just hated getting this haircut." Willie gave me half a smile and asked, "Well, why'd ya get it then? You know I didn't want you to, but as usual, I gave in and let you get it anyway". I ignored his assumption that it was necessary for me to get his OK, and said, "Joel insisted on it" and of course Willie says, "Who the fuck's Joel?" As we walked from the garage to Willie's huge house, his arm around my waist, I began at the beginning and told Willie about Joel. My description of the Joel problem continued during dinner without Willie interrupting except for occasional comments like, "no way!" or "you let him get away with what? and other unhelpful remarks like that. After dinner, in Willie's bedroom, he said, "Let me think about this for a minute, Dylan. You can get undressed in the meantime, babe." I looked in the big mirror over his chest-of-drawers and gawked at my haircut... it looked almost exactly like the military barber's version of a flattop. As I mentioned earlier, this all started months ago when Willie got his first flattop thinking it would please me. Back then he wanted to please me, now it seems I'm always trying to please him. He doesn't think that's so, but that's really the way it is.

Willie flopped on his bed fully clothed as I undressed. He got himself in a half sitting position with his back against a couple of pillows at the top of the bed. Shortly I was standing there naked, looking at Willie as he appeared to be racking his brain, biting his lower lip, and drumming his fingers on his thigh. It got so quiet in his room my ears seemed to echo the lack of sound. I was sure Willie would come up with a solution, he knew so many people and had so much money... you know, maybe he could pay some thug to straighten Joel out and get him to leave me alone. After a few minutes Willie crooked his finger for me to come over to the bed. When I did he patted it which I figured meant I should sit on the edge... I hopped up on that high, huge bed of his, and sat there with my feet dangling off the floor until Willie reached over and pulled me sideways so the side of my head was laying in his lap, looking up at Willie's face with hope in my heart, hope that he'd found a solution. He held my head loosely and said, "Ahh, this is weird, Dylan... a bit awkward actually". I thought to myself, "so is this position I'm laying in on your lap", but I didn't mention that. I just listened as he said, "You know I'm going to Maine this weekend, and when I get there Larry's going to give my ass a good spanking because of this haircut I got and I got the damn haircut for your benefit you'll recall, you know, to demonstrate that I didn't think I was too good for you and all that kind of thing. Put you at ease, etc." Once again I had a thought I kept to myself... the thought was, "No, I don't recall that Willie because it never happened that way", but I remained silent. Willie was still going on, "........, if I survive the spanking" and he chuckled here to show, I guess, that he was kidding. I stared blankly at him wondering what this had to do with my Joel situation, but again I stayed silent. Willie, trying to keep it light, chuckled again and then said, " After surviving my punishment, then Larry and I will have the greatest time with some very hot sex, and not only sex either, along the way we'll have some laughs and a great ole' time with the boats and all that stuff they've got to entertain themselves with up there at their place on the ocean. Through it all, I'll play the submissive role to Larry and have a blast doing it too." His voice was unusually monotone for Willie, I wasn't paying too close attention to details about his Maine trip, but I was getting a crick in my neck from my odd position, half on and half off the bed.

Neck crick and all, the longer he went on the more I was loosing confidence that Willie had thought of a solution for my "Joel problem"... he doesn't ramble on like this normally. He's usually decisive and to the point. I continued staring back at him with my hopes fading as he goes on, "Ya know Dylan, sooner or later you and I would need to... ah, let's say, establish a more structured relationship like the one Larry and I have. We've been slowly inching our way towards one; for example, you now know I'm in charge. You don't care for the word, but none-the-less, you are the submissive one in our relationship. So, ya know...I'm dominant and your submissive, big deal, right? And, let's be honest here, you're liking it that way more and more... I can see that you do. What I'm getting at is maybe this jackass, Joel, can actually do us both a favor and accelerate the process. He can teach you to respect the authority figure in a relationship, in our case, that's me. You need to be more submissive in our gay sexual relationship and like I already mentioned, you're liking being submissive to me more and more anyway, so come on and admit it to yourself at least. And when you can get totally into that frame of mind, we can even take it further, past just the sexual part and into everyday life. It almost always follows that once one is submissive in the sexual part of a relationship, it's natural to continue the trend and be submissive in regular daily routine things. You're more or less doing that now, but you still have your stubborn moments." It was simply getting too uncomfortable for me being half on the bed and half off it so I squirmed my legs up with the rest of me and that pulled my head off Willie's stomach. I lay on my belly, up on my elbows looking at him, now without much hope he had anything helpful to say. Most of what he'd said thus far I'd already disregarded as "Larry-speak-nonsense".

He laughed in a slightly annoyed way at my squirming and then added, "Comfy, are ya? heh heh. Everything I'm trying to explain to you is true, but let's be honest, you're not exactly the most cooperative gay partner to this point, are you? I've stuck with you though, haven't I? I'm sticking with you, Dylan. Hell, I love you, ya know. Now, if this clod at work, this Joel person, knows what he's doing, and I think he just might... well then, he'll do most of, shall we say, the educating for me and I can simply fine tune it to make it apply to our personal situation." I think my silent staring at him was finally making Willie nervous because he cleared his throat twice, before continuing, "I can carry on with your training during weekends that you'll spend with me here throughout the school year." Willie chuckled again, maybe because I hadn't contradicted anything he said so far and he assumed I agreed with all of it, or maybe he laughed to cover up nervousness. It's a wrong assumption that I agree with everything he said... I didn't agree with hardly any of it. To be honest, his dissertation is so totally off the wall it was hard to take seriously and it's difficult to know where to begin contradicting him. During our dates together I'd heard snippets of this nonsensical philosophy so it wasn't all a surprise, but the message I primarily cared about at the moment was the one I was receiving loud and clear and it's that Willie wasn't going to help me get out of this thing with Joel. All the other babble was parroting Larry and the gay Prep school clique's misguided ideas about gay relationships. I don't even think Willie believed half of it. We're seventeen year old gay kids who don't, basically, know shit. An important difference between me and those Prep school kids is that I'm aware that I don't know shit.

When I remained silent, he looked at me with a real cute grin and said, with a bit of condescension in his voice, "So, what I'm saying baby is you'll need to go on that overnight stay. I have to agree with that guy, it'll be good for you and after a little rough gay discipline you'll appreciate our sex better. Once you're into your role more, the sex is hotter, that's what I mean... that's what it's all about really. Oh, come on, don't look at me like that! It'll work out great for us, but mostly you'll be the one benefiting. You're a perfect submissive boyfriend and I just want the best for you... and you'll appreciate me more too. Even though I'm younger then you, you'll be looking at me the way you and I look up to our men, Carl and Larry. That'll be hot, won't it? You're perfect for the submissive role, Dylan, absolutely perfect. And frankly, I can't believe how lucky we are that this joker is doing us this favor. He doesn't know you're already someone's "boy", does he?" Willie stopped talking when I made a facial expression as if I'd just smelled something offensive, he says, "Well, you're not my "boy" per se, but, you know... it's sort of like that. You want to be my boy, don't ya? You can even be my year round boyfriend maybe, instead of just my summer boyfriend." Willie appeared to be running out of words and he wasn't getting much of a feed-back from me so he made a face that perhaps he thought was a stern one, perhaps indicating how serious this was. He just looked cute to me and I wanted to smile but I didn't because it's all so crazy. I'm disappointed about everything Willie had to say, especially about him wanting me to go with Joel instead of helping me get out of it. As for him being younger then me, he was... about two weeks younger. I felt myself getting pissed-off about the whole thing.

Even though, like I've said, I'm aware of the crazy ideas this bunch of gay kids had established at their Prep school, I was still shocked at the extent poor Willie had been brainwashed with it all. He actually was taking a lot of this fantasy to heart. I didn't want to think he believes most of the things he's said these last few minutes, but maybe I need to. It simply doesn't seem possible the two of us could have spent so much time together and yet have such totally different impressions of what we're all about. I looked at him like he was a stranger... "summer" boyfriend? Is that what he said? Jeez, that's sad. What I think Willie is... I think he's a combination of a misguided gay kid influenced in an unfortunate way by his screwed-up peers, but also he's basically a sweet gay boy who spouts the submissive/dominant lines he's learned even thought he doesn't really understand or agree with them. Also, he's a kid who rarely can pull off any serious dominant behavior anyway, and who furthermore really likes the fact he and I are boyfriends with or without the dominant aspect of it all... that's who I think he really is. The question is, does he understand who he is? All that dominant crap doesn't seem to be a big part of Willie's true make-up as far as I can tell, he's just trying to please the guys at Prep, particularly Larry. Willie has consistently made whatever accommodations are necessary in that so called dominant routine to enable him and me to remain in love.

All that being said, the fact remains that Willie's detailed explanation of why I should go with Joel this weekend is way over the top... it's even too much for me to rationalize away. Sitting up on his bed naked, Indian style now, with my legs crossed in front of me, I said, "Let me see if I have this straight... you want me to get beat-up and fucked and maybe castrated by this idiot Joel so I'll be more submissive to you. Do I have that right?" Willie took one last shot at being stern and snapped, "Don't get all dramatic on me Dylan. Castration is very rare and it isn't always gays that do that anyway, but why am I even talking about this? Obviously you don't want my advise and so you'll do what the hell you want... go with him or don't go with him, you always do what you want anyway. Jesus, you asked me for my advise and I take the time to break it down for you... I give it to you in detail, and then you act like a spoiled brat who didn't get the answer he wanted to hear." I snapped back, "I didn't ask for your advise, Willie, I asked for your help... help to get me out of this scary unknown thing with a bully who's mostly a total dark stranger to me. And what do you do? You gloat about my predicament, pontificating all that bullshit that a tiny group of gay students at your Prep school have decided is proper behavior in gay relationships. It boils-down to you endorsing Joel's idea that I need to be punished to learn my place in gay society, or whatever the fuck it is you were talking about with all that gibberish about role playing, and me being submissive to you the way you are to Larry and blab, blab, blab." Now I wasn't pouting, I was pissed.

Willie's facial expression froze for a second, his eyes got big and he chewed nervously on his thumb nail. It was as if he was processing new data in that brain of his and deciding the best way to handle this latest development. When he spoke again it was as if he were a totally different person, now contrite and full of apologies. "You're right, Dylan, I see that now. Let me try to explain what happened just now... ah, let's see, I wanted to help you get out of that, but I couldn't think of how I could, so instead I guess I convinced myself it would be a good thing for you to do that weekend. I was looking at the glass half full, you know... ah, trying to make a positive out of it. I sometimes forget that you're not me, I forget that just because I think it's awesome to role play a submissive persona to Larry, that doesn't mean you'd think it was hot to do the same for me. Just because it's a lot of fun for me doesn't mean you have the "stuff" to be able to appreciate the experience, and I mean no offense to you by saying that... no offense at all. We're all different. I feel like such an ass for misunderstanding, I'm really sorry." He seemed about to shed a tear as he held his arms out for me to share a hug with him. It was weird, the compassion and understanding he was now showing was more like the Willie I knew and loved, but the change had happened so quickly. He was now acting humble and self deprecating, not like earlier when he was an over-bearing bore like his roommate, Larry is. This latest change in Willie's mood was amazing, a complete hundred and eighty degree change of attitude, but it is the Willie persona I've come to know best, the other one from five minutes ago was a stranger to me. Which one is the real Willie though?... certainly not both, right?

Able to relaxed with this new attitude of Willie's I nodded my head to show him I understood that he was admitting he was wrong and that everything was OK for the moment. I bounced over on top of his bed and we did an awkward hug with me mumbling, "Oh, OK... thanks Willie, I was worried there for a couple of minutes. I knew you weren't like that, or rather, you've never been like that before, hardly ever anyway." Willie, trying for an even more casual manner, with a cute grin, mumbled, "I was trying to be someone I'm not. I can't be that way with you." He was saying the right things, but there was still a sharp edge there that worried me. I'm sure he is still put out that I wouldn't go along with his sub/dom "game" or whatever it is. That was a lot of talking he did back there and to just sweep it all under the rug with a quick change of heart is hard to believe, but it's certainly a step in the right direction at least. Willie was rubbing up the back of my head during our short hug as he said, "Hey, I've got a new nickname for you babe, it's sandpaper" and he chuckled, trying to keep everything light and cheerful, adding, "The back of your head feels like sandpaper, that's why." I reached up and felt it and said, "I hate this haircut, I'd actually rather have one of those Prep school long seventies hair styles like you said ours would be if we let it grow in long enough." Willie laughed and told me I'd be wicked cute with that kind of haircut and that he hoped I really would try it, then added, "Hey, I'm teasing you about the sandpaper nickname and please don't be mad at me for my earlier suggestions ... I was all wrong. I'd do anything for you, Dylan, you know that. Give me a kiss." We made out for a while and it felt "real", not forced. It was an awful abrupt turn-around, but I wanted to believe it was real because he gets me hot with his make-outs, he always has. Shortly Willie, still fully dressed and me still fully naked, whispered, "Can I suck that great looking cock of yours, baby?" as he said that he was massaging my buttocks and doing little bites on my shoulder that made me shudder as chills ran through my body. I thought I might like getting my cock sucked so I said, "Sure!" and soon Willie was giving me the best blow job of my life and all the negative thoughts in my head disappeared to be replaced by a most erotic feelings in my groin. Carl blew me a couple of times and the Marine too, but Willie was the best by far. He had me thrusting my crotch forward and making grunting sounds and then spewing long strings of cum into his mouth about three on four minutes into the blow job. Willie sucked down every drop of cum while squeezing my balls trying to get some more up and out. He squeezed them much too hard accidentally, but then he did let up on them fairly soon after I cried out in pain a few times.

I can't tell you how "hot" that blow job was, couldn't do it justice with words. My hands played with Willie's hair the whole time and the more he sucked on my cock the more I wanted to just forget about our fight earlier and forget all about all that shit Willie had spouted-out, it was Larry and that asshole, Charles', propaganda, nothing more. It seems Willie and me were having a fight or argument on every date lately, but in the end everything turns out great. I was still sitting up on his bed when Willie started sucking my dick, but my legs had naturally spread out and I lay back on the bed as soon as it started feeling unbelievable good. Oh my God, Willie did some of the same things with his mouth sucking me off as he did when making-out and it was awesome. He rested his head on my thigh after sucking my nuts dry and I was glad for the break, it allowed time for my balls to stop aching. I didn't want to complain about the aching nuts though for fear we'd get into another argument, but he really did squeeze them much too hard. After a bit, still laying with his head on my thigh, Willie wistfully talked low about how he needs to be more aware that everyone in the world doesn't like everything he likes. His logic was rambling at times, but I loved the sound of his voice when he was talking quietly like this... it was a lot like Robbie's voice which I thought a great coincidence. We mumbled back and forth about how we both had over reacted and how we were both sorry. Willie emphasized the point that I was in the same position now with Joel as I'd been before. Willie explained, "It's not like I made it worse or something. I misread the situation you and I are in, that's all." All the quiet talking was quite relaxing. I have to admired someone who can admit they're wrong about something... that's an excellent personality trait. Lots of guys I know aren't too good at that, to say the least.

He had me feeling peaceful and satisfied with that blow-job and the quiet talking, but that wasn't the end of it. Willie still had another surprise for me. But first, he wrestled around to get me face to face with him, fully on the bed now, and hugged me tight while we did another of our great make out until I couldn't even catch my breath. And that was just a warm-up to the real surprise. He maneuvered me around some more until I was up on all fours, expecting to be fucked, but instead he began rimming my ass. What an experience that was!... at first I was embarrassed to have Willie licking my hole, but the longer he went at it the more I moaned in pleasure and after a while, licking my lips from the heat of it all, I shuddered and clenched my face up real tight and squirted out some watery cum on his sheets for my second climax in an hour... ooooh, did that feel good. Warm and cozy within Willie's grasp after that, I melded completely into his body and was looking forward to the way he wraps me up tight in his arms and legs. For his part, it was like he couldn't suck or lick or hug or kiss me enough... oh what a feeling it is to be desired like that. The body has so many sensitive sexy places and Willie knew them all it seemed. I was holding him around his neck at one point, but Willie wasn't finished, he wasn't ready to wrap me up yet. Grunting quietly with the effort he secured both my arms against my body while he awkwardly got his boner out of his pants, then flipping me around so I was facing away from him with both of us on our sides, he then forced his wet cock head in past my sphincter ring and pushed roughly all the way up inside my hole... up, up, up went the full seven and a half inches of his boner. It hurt and burned like hell but quickly felt fabulous, I stifled my complaints about the initial hurt.

By now Willie had maintained me in a constant state of high sexual arousal for about an hour and I was totally docile for him while wetting my lips for more. I figured Willie had to be very aroused by now himself so I sort of understood the rough treatment, it was really just indicative a more urgent need on Willie's part then a case of him being intentionally rough. His strength always surprised me anyway, his long cock by now was not a surprise and as usual it quickly had me squirming and moaning with pleasure, calling weakly, "Oh, it feels soooo good. Fuck me Willie... it feels so hot Willie" he was humping me hard, almost angrily. When I felt I might have my third climax of the evening he grunted out a question, "Who do you love, Dylan?" I could hardly get the words out I was so close to that third climax.. I'm gasping, "You Willie, I love you Willie". He asked another question with almost a grunt, "What's feeling good on you right now, baby?" and I was so turned-on I barely got out, "My pussy feels so good, Willie... you made my pussy feel good... soooo good..." He grunted, "you're fucking right it does" and right after that I felt the gush of Willie's first climax of the evening, very wet and sloppy up my ass as he continued fucking me harder then before. I was gasping and humping back against his cock, but I never could quite manage the third climax... when he pulled out of me I was out of breath but still wishing I could have managed that third one. I wrestled myself around on the bed to cling to Willie tightly and then wondered... why am I clinging to Willie so much? Did I want him to keep fucking me? Or, maybe did I sense he was still mad at me from our earlier disagreement and I didn't want him to drop me as his boyfriend. I know he didn't like it one bit that I'd snapped back at him earlier, but if that's true why did he show me such loving care, and such fantastic sex afterward... you know, if he was still mad?

Trying to interpret Willie's behavior can be problematic at times. He didn't wrap me up tightly when he'd finished fucking me this time like he's always done in the past, so perhaps that means something. And then he surprised the hell out of me by spanking my bare ass hard. Using his legs to hold me in place, he smacked my ass a dozen or more times, both buttocks were wet from his cum drooling out of my hole so the slaps were loud. It hurt like hell, but initially I didn't complain because I thought he was going to stop after each smack and also it had taken me so totally by surprise, I didn't know what to make of it at first. The wetness of his drooling cum from my hole on my buttocks made the smacks sting even more then they normally would. Just about when I couldn't take it anymore and I was going to beg him to stop, he stopped on his own. He was breathing hard through his nose and grumbling words under his breath I couldn't make out. I didn't say or do anything except groan because it had hurt me and I couldn't think of a response other then whining which doesn't make me look very good. It happened so fast, so unexpectedly, but I know it's routine for his roommate and a lot of those assholes from Prep school to spank their partner while fucking, so that's probably all there is to it. Willie just wanted to do something the guys he's familiar with routinely do. It seemed best, under the circumstances tonight, that I continued to keep quiet... I didn't want to act like a wuss. Afterall, Willie had apologized and admitted he was wrong just a little while ago. Maybe he'd apologize again after the spanking, that is, when he realizes he's not in that dumb Prep clique at the moment, but with me instead. My ass was burning and stinging, I can tell you that. There was no apology this time though as apparently Willie had changed moods again, he said, "We need to shower Dylan" and he took me by my wrist to pull me with him into the shower. It seemed he was again mad or disappointed so I tried to make amends by saying, "I didn't mean to make you mad again, Willie, I'm sorry. I loved that rimming and I've never been sucked off like you did it, ever. I love you Willie. Come on, let's have fun and forget all that other stuff. I don't mind that you spanked me." he said, "OK, OK, stop whining. We'll get cleaned up and maybe feel better about things afterward. I gave you those love taps on your ass because, god damnit, that's what I'm suppose to do. Someday you'll see that." That was more or less what I'd thought the spanking had been all about, but damn, after everything that's happened this evening I wondered... did I make up some ground in getting Willie to see things my way, or did I lose some more ground to his way?

DYLAN'S DILEMMA PART 13

Chapter Three

It was maybe the quietest Willie's ever been with me... we showered, dressed, and drove to the movie complex saying just polite courtesy comments to each other. I'm always excellent at giving the silent treatment when I can't get my way, but this was different. Or, more likely, Willie's just better at the silent treatment then even I am. I thought it was best not to annoy him at the moment with questions though, so I followed his lead and kept quiet. No problems developed on the ride to the theater and inside we discovered the line for our movie wasn't too long, so that was good. Willie bought the tickets and then he bought us one large popcorn and a large Pepsi. I was glad he got the single order of stuff for us to share because it seemed like a good sign he was coming out of his bad mood. He handed me the big round container of popcorn and the Pepsi to carry and, even though there were a lot of people around us, for once I was glad he put his arm around my waist walking us to the doorway for our movie... it was further indication that everything was going to be OK. In our seats I held the popcorn in my lap and put the Pepsi in the drink-holder between us, Willie put his arm across my shoulders and gave a little squeeze with his hand on my bicep which seemed to me to be an even further indicator he was in a better mood now.

As people talked all around us we remained silent, we ate popcorn and watched the previews, me slightly leaning in towards Willie like I know he wants me to do. I was doing things the way Willie liked, and when he still didn't talk to me, I leaned over so my lips brushed his ear and whispered, "Are you still mad at me, Willie?" He shook his head and quietly said, directly into my ear, "Not mad, Dylan... ah, let's say I'm disappointed a little, with you and me. I thought you were OK with me being dominant in our relationship, that's all. You know, I got that impression from the way you eventually got it"... he used his fingers to make quotation marks in the air when he said the words "got it". "when you got it and went along with everything during the block party. You know, the panties and the three-way, and all. I guess my feelings are hurt that you've sort of changed your mind now on that position, and also that you rejected me so strongly back at the house, with all your fresh back-talk." The movie started and he squeezed my shoulder again, then leaned over to kiss the side of my head, people sitting all around us. I heard two different people say "did you see that?". Willie added, "Don't get that worried look on your cute face, enjoy the movie... things will work out OK. I'm not going to dump you just because you screwed-up a few times." I nodded my head because what else could I do... fact is, I wasn't even thinking about him dumping me at that moment, my thoughts were about the people who said, "did you see that boy kiss the other boy?". I didn't dare look around, kept my eyes straight ahead. Letting myself drift into the Hollywood world of make believe appeared to be my best escape... it became obvious that this movie was going to be one long thrill ride, and it actually did remain at that level for most of the two and a half hours it ran. Awesome! During this action-packed kind of movie there isn't much of an opportunity to think about anything except the movie. Walking out when it was over, Willie was more upbeat, he'd liked it too.

We drove directly to my condo and, for the first time, he didn't even ask to come in. I was sure Willie would want to come in and fuck me one last time before he headed off to Maine. I would have said OK if he had asked because I didn't want to upset him again. I'd have said OK even though having him come in could have been a problem. If Chubby should burst in to see how I was doing like he often did, well... my secret would be out then. But, as it turned out, Willie didn't even kiss me goodnight, saying instead, "I know you don't want anyone to see us kissing so I'll just say goodnight like we're just buddies, OK?" I mumbled, "Oh, yeah... thanks Willie. I'll miss ya." He said, "Will ya miss me, Dylan... I sometimes wonder. You don't seem to try very hard to get on my good side, do ya?" I didn't know what to say to that exactly, so I quietly mumble, "I've been trying to do that ever since our fight, Willie. I love you. Don't you love me anymore?" He said something to the effect that sure, he loved me, but during the ride he'd been thinking about this coming Saturday night and how it's ironic he'd be in Maine being Larry's "boy" and I'd be at my sleep-over with Joel's being Joel's "boy" and that maybe we'd, Willie and me, someday wise-up and get it right. Wondering what he meant by that, I got out of the car and said "Goodnight". Going up the front steps I realized I had no clear idea where my relationship with Willie stood.

My best guess is that his parting comment meant that "we'd get it right" whenever I learn my place and realize I'm suppose to be his "boy"... whatever it even means to be someone's "boy". I never knew what that meant even when I was suppose to be Carl's "boy"... thought it was just a general figure of speech meaning a type of boyfriend. Maybe it's specific and means the boy being fucked, but then I'd already be Willie's boy... wouldn't I? There wouldn't be any need for me to learn "my place" in our relationship. I already happily kiss his ass, what else am I suppose to do? I realized this thinking was sounding like whining, but this "boy" thing is a bit stupid, that's what I think anyway. Is Robbie my "boy" because I fucked him a couple of times? No, of course not, not as far as I'm concerned. It's idiotic! I love being gay, but it's awfully confusing and illogical... at least the way Carl, Larry, Willie, the guys in Cambridge and especially the other asshole from Prep school, Charles... all of them, the way they play gay is confusing, and pretty dumb too. There has to be a gay "sect" somewhere in the world that doesn't believe in all this dominant/submissive stuff... there has to be! If not, maybe I'll start my own group... me and Robbie can be charter members.

Mom was still working at the restaurant of course so, using my key to get into the condo I was certain the place would be empty and it was. Grabbing a bottle of pink Gatorade and plopping down on the sofa I thought about Willie coming in and given me one of those hot fucks... we would have gotten away clean too because Chubby never did come down, or even text me to say goodnight like he almost always does. I wondered about that for a few minutes. Drinking my drink and staring into space I was now mad at myself for not inviting Willie to come up with me... it would have been a more positive ending to our date. The sex we'd had at his place before the movie had been real nice, but our argument detracted from the full sexiness of it and a nice fuck in my own bed right now would have gone a long way toward putting my mind at ease that he still loves me. After all, I won't see him for a week at least. Thinking wistful thoughts like that I went in my bathroom and washed up, then crawled into bed and "it" hit me again.. hard for me to believe, but Willie actually wanted me to be abused by Joel. He wanted that asshole to beat me into submission, or something like that so that I'd learn to be a more submissive boyfriend for him, Willie. It's basically just that simple. Willie said I'd learn to respect or appreciate him more after spending that time under Joel's control. Then something else occurred to me... I'd explained the reasons I can't get out of going with Joel on my own, and since Willie won't help me get out of it either, that means I'll be going with Joel... which is what Willie wants anyway. So we disagreed about it, then Willie gives in and say I'm right about not going with Joel, but he can say that and still get his wish because I'll be going with Joel anyway, just like I would have even if I never brought it up in the first place. Is that why he had the change of heart? All of a sudden I got a fucking headache with all this. God damnit!

That's pretty shifty, pretty calculating of Willie... pretending to agree I'm right about seeing Joel while the whole time he's thinking that when he sees me a week from now on our date I'll have spent the weekend with Joel getting my ass beat in any number of ways, and I'll be properly "trained"... which means, properly submissive. This train of thought was getting me royally pissed off again. But, what to do about it? Ok! A new strategy... I'll reconsider my options and talk to Robbie about Joel. Maybe there is a way that between Robbie and me we can think of a way to avoid me going to Joel's... preferably a way that won't have Joel breaking my neck or somehow causing a huge disruption to the Dickers Landscape & Design Company. Perhaps Robbie can have a discrete discussion, no threats or ultimatums that might piss Joel off, just discussions about it. Hmmm, real easy, right? For the life of me I can't see how it will work, I've already tried talking to Joel a couple of times discretely which had no positive effect what-so-ever. I was so tired laying there in my bed thinking about my problems, but tired or not, this was a major deal and needed to be thought about. Even if Robbie and me can't come up with a solution I'll be no worse off then I am now, right? And, ah ha! at least it'll explain to Robbie why I have this absurd haircut again, Joel insisted on it. Thinking about all of this is depressing stuff, once more I let that "feel sorry for myself" thought drift through my head... "why does this shit always happen to me?".

And the more I thought about this sad situation, the more I felt real disappointment with Willie. I just can't get over the fact he actually wanted me in harms way with that fucking physco Joel. At this point it would be real easy to get all indignant and pretend that I'm dropping Willie because all he cares about is me being submissive to him and blab, blab, blab, but I surprised myself when I thought about that some more. It's not what I want at all. Who am I kidding? I've never known anyone like Willie, all the new things we've done together. The things he's introduced me to, and I'm not even talking about the sex yet. The sex is awesome and I just love everything about the way he does sex with me. Truth is, I miss Willie already and I saw him only an hour ago. I've bonded with him, and no one will ever fuck me like he does, it's not possible... but I already mentioned that, didn't I? And the way he gives me those hickeys... and now that I think of it, that's another bad sign. After our fight he didn't even want to do the hickey. No, I don't want to drop Willie at all, and I'm hoping he won't drop me. When I think about it, sure... we argue about mostly little things, but everything else is so excellent! I can certainly give in some more on that submissive stuff for him if I really need to... what's the big deal? Oh my God, I'm forgetting about Robbie here. I still don't know what to do about having two boyfriends. Of course it could be I'm too tired right now to think rationally about any of this. Tired or not, tomorrow I do need to confide in Robbie about Joel. No matter what, I positively don't want to go with Joel Saturday night.... that was my last thought before falling asleep.

This August morning showed up bight and sunny and hot. That's good because Wednesday after work it's the Dickers barbecue and swimming pool party. First thing I did after my morning bathroom ritual was to get Chubby's and my swimming stuff together, the second thing was to remember my promise of last night... the one where I confide in Robbie about my problem with Joel. In the light of day I realized that at the moment I have only one major problem, Joel. When that's resolved I can think about my dilemma of being a two-timing boyfriend and what to do about that. As regards my real major problem, I can't believe there is any way Robbie is going to think it's a good idea for me to spend a night with Joel, no way! Of course, I haven't been right about too much recently so I probably shouldn't try to predict what Robbie will say or do. During the bus ride to work I was going back and forth, first thinking Robbie will come up with a solution, and then changing my mind and thinking he obviously won't because there isn't a solution. After pondering these thoughts for a bit, my mind changed course to believing I should just go with Joel and make the best of it. I mean, he's not going to kill me or maim me or anything, I don't think... lots of other guys do Joel's kind of stuff on a regular basis. Not that I actually know what "Joel's kind of stuff" consist of, but the sub/dom thing isn't unheard of... it's practiced by a lot of people, isn't it? Maybe I should just do it and not get Robbie involved.

Wearing a Dicker's Landscape & Design baseball cap to hide my latest haircut disaster, I hurriedly walked through the locker room avoiding Joel completely by using the side door. Now, hopefully, I'll also be able to sneak by the college guys too. My goal was to avoid their mock inspection, but one of them yelled at my retreating person, "you're not fooling anyone with that hat, Bobbsie, you got another haircut, didn't you?" Those guys are so outrageous I have to laugh. Everything they say or do is done for humor so they're sort of clowns, but Robbie told me that in spite of that, they're still the best commercial lawn workers Mr Dickers ever hired. Actually, I feel a little flattered they pay so much attention to me. I turned the corner and saw Robbie busy with something inside his locker. I snuck up on him and goosed his ass big-time! He goes, "Ooooh, that felt awesome, Dylan!" and I'm like, "How'd ya know it was me?" Robbie flips his hand at me like it's obvious, and says, "I can tell because I love the way you smell". I smelled the back of my wrist, "I don't smell anything"... Robbie gets right next to me and whispers, "I dreamed about you last night, Dylan. I dreamed you said you loved me." Clearing my throat I mumbled, "I do love ya, dude. Hey, I got to talk to you about something very troubling and potentially dangerous, and I need you to promise you won't take any action unless we both think it's a good idea. Can you do that? Promise me?" Robbie says very quietly, "I'd do anything for you, Dylan". Then, because I could feel myself getting all choked-up, I hugged him and said,"You are so fucking special, Robbie! I hate myself for laying this problem on ya, but I'm at a loss what to do." Then, like a couple of idiots, we kissed right out in the open again. I couldn't help myself... his full bowed lips feel so good on my lips. Our one-minute kiss ended with Robbie's blowing his moist fresh-smelling breath in my face again as he tried not to hyperventilate. I said, "Come on, let's sit down, I got to tell you something".

Robbie stared at me with big shiny eyes as I outlined my experience from day one with Joel... the beating he gave me, the times he intimidated me and pulled my hair out or slapped my face or the back of my head, everything. Robbie reached out and held my hand at one point which made me talk faster for fear someone would wander by and see us holding hands. I detailed, as best I could, the over-night thing Joel insisted I do, ending with, "I'm not really sure what he'll do to me but look" and I took off my hat showing Robbie my latest disastrous haircut, he made a face, but no big deal, and I continued, "I had to get this haircut before the over-nighter, and I already told you about me having to shave all the hair off my body and all. Oh man I don't know, it's so scary and unfair and horrible. Do ya got any fucking idea what I can do to quietly get out of this?" Before he could answer, I pulled my hand away from his and held it up to say, "Oh, before you say anything" and then I outlined all the ways this situation could come back to reflect terribly on his parent's company if Joel blew-up. Joel working here would come out if police got involved which they would if Joel goes postal on me or something like that. Then I emphasized that it complicates things that I'm gay and all of it could put a bad reputation on Dicker's Landscaping & Design and his parents didn't deserve that. "Robbie, it needs to be some action between just you, me, and Joel. Something that doesn't result in him killing me, or you, or both of us". Then I told Robbie about the times I'd already tried to reason with Joel and how that went nowhere fast.

Throughout my entire dissertation Robbie was a good listener, occasionally making tortured facial expressions at some of the gruesome details. I know he's smart, smarter than me for sure, so I hoped upon hope that he'd have a suggestion. Finally done my presentation, Robbie took my hand again and a single tear came down his face as he bit his bottom lip and made a face like he was trying to control his emotions. I swallowed hard because seeing another boy cry is contagious, I start with the tears too, but I didn't want us bawling about this and, frankly, I thought he'd be pissed off, not weepy. Robbie mumbled, "I'm so sorry, Dylan", he stood up to hug my head into his stomach, like my mother did to me when I was five years old, knocking my baseball hat off my head in the process. Awkward, to say the least, and I thought, "this is different", but it don't look like Robbie's going to be any more helpful then Willie was.

After patting my head a few times, in a voice sounded very different from any other I'd heard him use, Robbie said, "It's almost beyond belief. I've know Joel for two years and he's seemed aloof I guess, but the stuff you told me... well, he's obviously crazy. I'll take care of it. I'm so furious that he did that stuff to you, Dylan. Don't worry, you won't need to go anywhere with him! It's taken care of, that fucker!" His level of anger took me by surprise because he's always so under control, the edge to his voice was nothing like the sweet shy innocent Robbie I'm use to. His reassuring me that he'd take care of it also took me totally by surprise too and, while I certainly liked the sound of it, I needed to be sure Robbie wasn't unrealistically underestimating the pitfall possibilities here so I wanted to know what he was planning to do or say. He said he didn't know exactly, but he and Joel had an OK relationship and Robbie felt he'd simply need to explain the situation to Joel from a third party's viewpoint... the third party being the number one son of the owner of the company. I asked, "So you're just going to talk with him and that will be the end of it?" Robbie goes, "Something like that Dylan, and you know what, doing something for you makes me feel soooo good". His tone of voice was back to normal, that sweet sounding way he talks, not girlish at all, young boyish sounding voice... it's cool. I go, "Oh Robbie, you're fantastic!" We hugged and I said again, "You're just talking to him, right? We don't want to threaten him or get him fired or anything because that's what could lead to problems. Just talk, right Robbie?" Robbie got a cute look on his face when he said, "You worry too much. It's taken care of" and then he stage-whispered, "Let's go check out the old locker section and see if we can figure where they'll install the showers next year, or something like that". As we walked back for a make-out session I thought about how cute Robbie is when he's acting cute, ha ha! Oh man, is he something and I also thought, why wouldn't he simple say, "yeah, all I'm going to do is talk to him?" He kept avoiding that very simple statement, but god damnit, I have hope now at last.

All during the work day I avoided being alone with Joel and kept expecting to see Robbie and him have a conversation at some point, but it never happened. After work, while sneaking with Robbie back to the old locker section, I asked if he'd talked with Joel today and he said the chance never came up, but not to worry it was no big deal. He said he was going to take care of it, no sweat. I really wanted to believe that except it seemed too easy so I kept my mind open to the possibility I may still need to go with Joel Saturday night. I'd changed my mind again and decided if I needed to go with him I would because there just wasn't any way I was giving up this job... what would I tell people if I did? It'd be just as bad as telling Joel to drop dead. Putting that out of my mind temporarily, Robbie and I got all hot and bothered with our make out. For some reason he turned me on more then normal this afternoon, which is saying something... I almost creamed my shorts a couple of times. It's so sexy to make-out after work, all hot and sweaty and slippery and nasty, spit all over our faces and our hot breath coming out in bursts. He was squeezing my ass and humping my crotch as I sucked on his neck giving him a tiny hickey. Robbie was proud of it and, if we hadn't heard his father calling for us, our pants would soon be coming down as we were hot to trot! Panting, Robbie goes, "You've got to fuck me sometime tonight, Dylan. You have to! You and me is the best thing that ever happened in my life!". I just nodded because I was out of breath and his declarations of love overwhelmed me at times. Both of us groped our own boners as we walked up to the front of the locker room, Robbie yelled out to his Dad, "We'll be in the truck" as we went out the same side door I'd come in this morning. After climbing up into the back of the pick up we leaned together against the cab and Robbie felt around my crotch until he got hold of my cock to stroke it from outside my shorts. I said, "Whoa, that's awesome Robbie, but let's not get caught, OK? We need to be a little more careful." This time it was Robbie who nodded his head and then we hear, "All set?" from his Mom, and off we go for the barbecue... Robbie never actually let go of my cock the entire ride and my boner was so hard by the time we got to his house I was afraid it would break off. I held onto the hand he had on my cock, not to pull his hand away... just to hold it. Damn, it feels good to be just on the verge of cuming. Robbie's shiny eyes and grin told be he was having a nice time too.

It's a short ride, we were both quiet as he slowly stroked me. This was a nice distraction from my earlier thoughts about Joel. We pulled in the Dickers driveway with the head of my boner wet and leaking, a wet spot on my shorts made Robbie giggle. Then, we both stood up to get off the truck and Dodger hits Robbie and me with a burst of water from the garden hose. We jumped off the back of the truck and the water fight was on even before we'd gotten into our boardie swim trunks, or in Dodger's case, his speedo. It's fun to sometimes act like little kids again... it rocks to have buddies to do that with. Mr and Mrs Dickers just shook their heads at out childish behavior. They went right inside to get cleaned up for the next door neighbor's cook-out tonight. Us boys were welcome to make an appearance whenever we wanted to eat. No problem as far as we were concerned. As soon as Mr and Mrs Dickers disappeared behind the neighbor's fence the four of us boys took a break from the water fight to smoke cigarettes in the garage and drink beers from the overflow refrigerator there. When the cats away the mice will play, is what Dodger said in between burps from the beer. We were drinking Becks beer which came in a green bottle that I though were cool for some reason. I could only drink one slowly, but Dodger and Chubby had a drinking game going and they had more than two beers each. Everyone had cigarettes till the garage was cloudy with the second hand smoke. I don't think Robbie even finished one beer and he kept making head movements at me like he and I should take off for his bedroom or something. That would be way too obvious so I kept doing tiny subtle shakes of my head "no".

Eventually we all went inside to change into our swim suits and at one point I had the pleasure of inconspicuously observing three less-then-four inch penises swinging between the legs of my three friends, and that's an unusual sight to see. Of course I wanted to suck them all one by one and compare cum tastes... you know, scientific purposes only. The three penises were quickly covered and out we went to do cannonballs into the pool. Dodger did his usual showing off by swimming under water around the entire four sides of the pool as sleek as a seal and almost as fast. I studied him and couldn't believe my eyes because it didn't seem he was hardly doing anything to glide so quickly through the water. After ball crunching and dick massaging we finally went next door to be introduced to the neighbors and get our dinners. It was hamburgs and hotdogs and potato chips which was simple food compared to Mr and Mrs Dickers barbecues, but it was real good just the same. We showed off by eating ridiculous numbers of hamburgs and hotdogs, it got to be almost an eating contest. Chubby and Dodger are ultra competitive. All the adults were drinking things like gin and tonics, beers, or wine, and such so they were in jovial moods and enjoyed the show us four teens put on.

Back at the pool, after eating, Robbie was acting slightly pouty and I asked why... he said, "Because it doesn't look like we're going to get to be alone". Showing a resigned expression I shrugged like, what can we do? Then, sitting on the edge of the pool about a half hour later, acting kind of mopey myself, one of the neighbors called over to ask if two of us wanted to challenge the adult badminton champions. The two most competitive of the four of us automatically yelled, "You got it!" and off went Chubby and Dodger. The smile that broke out on Robbie's face when he said, "Let go right now, Dylan.. What do ya think?" was so bright and so cute. I grinned back yelling at Chubby, "We're going to check out the Red Sox game for awhile, see you later" and he yelled something back that sounded like, "OK". We went right upstairs. I didn't think we'd be safe for a long period of time so we needed to do it fast. We went directly into Robbie's bathroom and locked the door. I reached over and pulled Robbie's boardies down to his knees, then my own. "We'll do it like this so that if we have to we can pull them right up and be out of here in fifteen seconds. Robbie was biting his lower lip nodding his head in agreement as he played with his small dick, his face already slightly flushed. He handed me the horrid Vaseline and I used the same method with the toilet paper I used for Willie and me. Vaseline on the toilet paper to rub on my cock, and then on Robbie's hole. I kept staring at Robbie's pecker which appeared to be even smaller then it was earlier, it was shriveled up from the pool water to maybe two and a half or three inches at the longest, mine was shriveled some from the water too, but not as severely as his and I also had the beginnings of a stiffy from just thinking about putting Robbie's tiny penis in my mouth. I mumbled, "Better get your pecker started for ya, dude". Robbie goes, Huh?" and with my Vaseline-coated semi-boner bobbing around in front of me I got down on my knees and sucked Robbie's cock into my mouth. Robbie goes, "Mmmmmm" It's getting addictive for me, sucking cock. His had the pool taste again, but that didn't last long, then it's all Robbie's penis taste. His cock and my cock got hard at the same rate cause I enjoy sucking his dick and gently squeezing his balls just as much as Robbie enjoyed having his cock sucked and his nuts gently squeezed. As I sucked him off, Robbie made a humming sound and continually went up on his toes with one foot and then the other, holding my head with both hands at all times.

Soon he squeaked, "I'm going to cum" so I stopped for a minute, and holding his dick in my hand, bending my head back, I lapped under his scrotum, up and over it, and then up his boner. I did it three times and then I got as far under his crack as I could and managed to lick his asshole a few times before licking from his hole back up to his nuts. My neck felt like it would crack so I didn't try that again, but soon I want to do a full rimming on Robbie's ass. I tongued up his cock a couple more times and then sucking on the head of his cock again swallowing his precum and just knew he was close. Robbie was going, "I'm going to cum Dylan, wait...." Using a lot of quick tongue on just the head of his boner, I started squeezing his nuts again until he squawked out a muffled, "Nooooo, ooooooh" and a lot of com flowed into my mouth, some slid out the sides and down my chin. I'd swallowed quickly, but not quickly enough to catch it all. My dick was so hard the urge to stroke myself off was great, but instead I managed to get to my feet, turn Robbie to face the sink, say "Hold on Rob", and push my boner fully up his ass in one motion. He did a muffled cry, but it felt good on my boner, so good I left it there and hugged around his waist pulling him back into me so my cock could get a little further up inside him. I'd gotten Robbie's cock back to it's full four inches by sucking it, and when I reached around him to grab his cock, it was back to it's maximum size, hard, and four inches long again, a throbbing boner with nice diameter and a full rosy head... actually, he has a great cock. I'm quite fond of it. I held his entire boner in my fist as I humped his hole ten times fast. Robbie was exhaling little puffs of air making whimpering sounds. I thought about smacking his bare ass, but didn't do it this time. Instead I stopped fucking his ass and just held him tight while I caught my breath, then keeping my boner fully inserted in that great ass of his, I rotated my hips increasing the fantastic sensations all the way from the head of my boner, down the shaft, and into my balls. I had to blow out a long exhale and kiss the back of Robbie's sweaty neck... that kid smells so good! When I started actually fucking him again, I did it with lazy, six inch strokes. Oh my God that felt good, my toes were tingling. Robbie laid his head back against my shoulder with his eyes closed and whispered, "Fuck me Dylan, fuck me, fuck me..." with every hump he made more of those whimpering sounds. My boner was tingling now along with my toes and I was getting ready to blow. Robbie rolled the back of his head on my shoulder, over to my neck, back and forth, then he lets out, "Ohhhhh it feels so wonderful, make it last Dylan, please... Ahhhh ahh". I was right on the verge of blowing a major cum load up his ass, but I somehow slowed down and stopped for a few seconds. Stroking Robbie's latest boner slowly until the urge for me to cum abated slightly, and then I'd start fucking him again. It was great, but finally I just positively had to cum, so... ignoring his plea to drag it out, I rabbit humped him and, pretty much laying on his back with my arms around his chest, I humped that one last time and held my groin against his ass shooting my load up into his bowels... Robbie squirming and blowing saliva sprays on the mirror over the sink as he took control of his boner and rapidly jerked himself off to a small second climax that had him shuddering and shaking like he was having a convulsion or something. I held onto him until he calmed down, but I left my pecker up inside him because it was feeling so good up there. After a couple minutes though we both chickened-out, worried someone would pound on the bathroom door so I pulled out of him with both of us sucking air noisily in through clenched teeth. We were taking deep breaths for a bit and then with red faces we looked at each other, grinning as we pulled up our boardies. Out of the bathroom we go to check if anyone was about.

Robbie padded over to the stairwell, saw no one... I looked out the window and could see just the tops of Chubby and Dodger's heads still playing badminton against youngish looking adult guys, one of them with short red hair looked a little like Jake Rollins, but no... that's not possible, is it? In any case Robbie and I were alone in the house so we cleaned up the cum in the bathroom and put tissue at Robbie's hole to absorb my cum and then lay on Robbie's bed together making out for a bit. After that, Robbie went into his rap about how much he loved me and how our sex was the best part of his life, and all that. I tried to return those kind of sentiments back on him a little, but we wound-up making out some more. I had such a strong urge to spend a night with Robbie... you know, like Willie and I had in Sea Isle City. Go to bed together, have our make-out and our sex, sleep and wake up together to do it all over again... it's the best time ever for guys into each other, and Robbie had me hooked on him by now... how could I resist him. He's just so perfect. Damn, I guess I do love him afterall, or if I don't, guess I don't know what love is then. Robbie or Willie, oh my God... an embarrassment of riches, boyfriend-wise.

After a while even Robbie was getting edgy so we went downstairs and, grabbing a soda, walked over to watch Chubby and Dodger throwing themselves around the lawn making ridiculously impossible hits on the shuttlecock, scoring points to the raves of the other neighbors. The redhead wasn't Jake, that was a relief. Back to the pool with Robbie and me complimenting Chubby and Dodger on their two straight victories. We swam and wrestled until the mosquitos once again drove us inside. Robbie and I snuck smirks at each other in the pool and I felt a swelling of love for him. God damnit, it's almost impossible to not fall in love with someone so cute and so dedicated to making sure you do fall in love with him. Actually, he didn't need to try real hard... he's so hot I found myself shaking my head in amazement, hard to imagine that I'm the one he desires. Surreal, for real! After being dropped off, Chubby and I sat outside on the steps of our condos sharing a cigarette and rehashing the evening, repeating to each other how much we liked the Dickers brothers. I told Chubby what Robbie had said about the 'pot' smoking at the dead end road and he goes, "Yeah, it would be something like that with Robbie, he's so fucking shy. And, it's so strange because his brother, Dodger, is one hundred percent the other way... he's not shy about any-fucking-thing, ya know?" I go, "Yeah, they both are excellent though. Did Dodger goose you in the pool tonight? He got my balls nasty hard." Chubby's like, "Oh fuck, yeah! I got him back though and guess what, as hard as I was squeezing his balls, Dodger dared me to squeeze em' harder". Chubby laughed at that, I could tell he admired that kind of thing. Gee, my infatuation with Robbie lately has been beyond fantastic, but still, hearing that ball squeezing thing reminded me of the times Dodger and I had messed around together, well... he fucked me once so that's more than messing around I'd say. Hell, I miss that little pervert doing his "thing" on my ass and all his other tricks too. He's a hottie alright. What irony, both brothers gay, but they don't know about each other. Life rocks some time, don't it! I had a smile on my face going to sleep that night. It was so much fun hanging with Willie, Robbie, Dodger, and my main home-boy, Chubby. I'm so lucky. My last thought was about Willie and about how I'm so willing to over look his quirks and moody behavior and how that surprised me, but it is what it is. Willie and I do have a lot of history together, him being my first true love and all...

Next morning I was still the lucky guy I thought I was last night, but my Joel problem hadn't gone anywhere so I was doing my best to prepare myself to go with him and to do whatever I needed to get through it, but I wasn't able to be very convincing to myself. One small hope remained, Robbie. On the bus in to work I contemplated reminding him about talking to Joel since neither of us had mentioned it after that first discussion. Should I say something, or is that nagging? You know, nagging someone to do a favor for you isn't real cool. Saturday was getting awfully close though. By the time I got off the bus I'd decided not to say anything today, but if Robbie hadn't talked with Joel by the end of today, then on Friday I'd need to nag him about it. The closer Saturday got, the more, if I'm honest with myself, the more I wanted to get out of going with Joel. I really, really didn't want to go and I was now ready to admit to myself I was scared and sick to my stomach at the thought of sleeping with him or making out with him, or doing anything with him actually. Robbie is my last hope now... it was getting to be sick the way I keep preparing myself to go with Joel and then changing my mind and realizing I just can't do it. Approaching Robbie at his locker it was quickly obvious to me from just saying "Hi" that he was very much on edge about something. It made me nervous too. I asked, "Anything wrong, Robbie?" He goes, "No, why'd ya asked that?" I dropped it and since neither of us were as "hot" for a make-out as we usually are, we did a massage instead. Robbie cut that short too, checking his watch every thirty seconds, finally saying, "I gotta check on something. See you in a bit, Dylan". Halfway to the main aisle he stopped, came back to me and kissed my lips saying, like it amazed even him, "I can't believe how much I love you. It scares me a little" and he was gone again before I could think of something to say.

Changing at my locker ten minutes later I see Robbie come hurrying back down toward his own locker. He didn't acknowledge me as he passed. It was like I wasn't even there so I sauntered down to see what's what. Could it be he talked to Joel? Robbie wasn't at his locker, he was in the lavatory trying to get some dirty grease or something off his fingers. I asked him what was up and he jumped a foot off the ground. "Jesus, Dylan... you scared the shit out of me". He seemed very jittery, I asked, "You OK Rob?" and he said, "I like it when you call me Robbie, almost everyone else calls me, Rob". He was not like himself at all. I hugged him from behind as he continued washing his hands and I mumbled, "You're always saying to me that you love me, and I want to say it to you too, Robbie... I love you". I thought he was going to cry. He was seriously emotional, more than I expected and he turned around and hugged me like his life depended on it. I could hardly hear him when he said, "I really needed to hear that right now, Dylan. Thank you for saying it." Then the bell-tone sounded for the start of work and we broke apart. Robbie grabbed some paper towels, drying his hands as we went outside to hop on the pickup truck for another day's work.

Today was "bitch day" because the early morning lawns were all on the side of hills, big expansive areas out in the open so be baked in the sun. The first job was the worse and everyone would be happy when it was over so we clambered out of the trucks pumping each other-up, saying, "Let's knock this thing out and get it behind us guys. Safety first on those slopes. As I walked by him, Joel grabbed the back of my neck saying, "You been avoiding me, Newman?" I looked startled and said, "No Joel, look I got my hair cut" and he goes, "Yeah, I noticed yesterday." He played with the stubble on my head and mumbled, "It's OK." He gives me the creeps. I just stood up tall hoping he wouldn't do one one those head splitting slaps of his, he says, "That's good, your postures much better since I corrected you last time." and he pinched my left nipple real hard through my T shirt saying, "Just take it. No sound." Breathing nosily out of my nose, suppressing the pain until he let go. He patted my cheek, acting smug he said, "I'm looking forward to this Saturday night, especially Saturday night. Sunday will probably be special for you, but I kind of enjoy the Saturday night part where you get all screaming, begging, and stuff. Heh heh, Ohhh, man, are you in for an eye-opening experience". And to show how scary weird he is, he stopped talking just like that, did an about face, and walked in the opposite direction without another word, like a robot or something. I had that feeling again, the one I get around him... it feels like I'm going to pee my pants. Alright, that's it, it's definite! I can't go with him. I changed my mind for the tenth time. I just can't do it... so, if I need to, I'll be a coward and let Chubby down with the car money and all that, but I'm not strong enough to go through with it. That's it! Forcing Joel from my mind, I hauled the grass clipping bins off the truck, hauled down the weed-wacker and then a large cooler to lug to a central location for both teams to use. I'm responsible for all the rookie shit-detail duties because I'm the newest kid on the crew. First-aid kit and a coffee urn and styrofoam cups for the morning break. When I had that station set-up I heard the ride-on mowers start up so I began lugging my weed-wacker to the furthest brick walkway to begin wacking the grass along the edges of the walk. I was pulling the cord to start the little gas engine on my weed-wacked when I heard the scream.

In retrospect, I'd first heard a strange, dull, "clump" sound that turned out to be Joel's ride-on mower rolling over on him... it eventually rolled all the way down the hill. His one scream was like nothing I've never heard before. It was so high pitched that at first I didn't connect it to a human sound, but I looked toward the scream anyway and saw Joel on the ground with his mower still pin-wheeling down the slope. There was a continuous red spray around his ankle which I knew was, of course, blood. Without thinking about doing it, I ran down toward Joel, and being the closest one to him, I got there first. The rotary blade of the mower had put a terrible, slicing cut above Joel's ankle as it rolled over him. I could see some white in the cut that I subconsciously knew was his ankle bone. He was fortunately unconscious now, after that scream he'd passed out. The bleeding was serious though so I went right to him and twisted, then made a knot in my handkerchief around his leg just above the cut. I couldn't twist it tight enough to stem the bleeding though so I looked around on the ground and found a three inch long bolt just laying there next to Joel. In a fog, thinking... what the fuck is this doing in the middle of this pristine lawn... I used the bolt to twirl my handkerchief tighter and tighter around his leg. When the material seemed to be almost cutting into his skin, the bleeding finally slowed to barely a drool. Only them did I hear all the noise around me. People yelling, "I already called 911" and cursing and then Toby was there saying something and one of the quiet Hispanic guys, Raul, said "Good, Dylan. Let me hold that for you now" and he held the bolt that maintained the pressure on the tourniquet as someone else guided me up the hill to get under a tree and out of the sun. It was the other Hispanic guy, an older man I always called, Mr R. which was the only name I knew for him, he asked, "You OK, boy?" I started to say, "Of course I am" but instead I threw-up my morning coffee. He told me my face was as white as a sheet which was the reason Raul had insisted I let him hold the tourniquet. Someone said I may have saved Joel's life and then they handed Mr R. a bottle of cold water which he opened, poured some in my mouth, and some on the back of my neck as I sat on the grass in a daze. In a minute or so I was feeling better, but the sight of the blood spurting up in a fountain and the white ankle bone I saw in the gash wouldn't leave my mind. From the scream till right now it wasn't longer than a three minutes interval, but I already heard the sirens announcing the EMT's arrival. They drove the ambulance right up the slope next to the group around Joel, got out to do some stuff for a couple of minutes, left my handkerchief tourniquet in place and got Joel onto a stretcher and into the ambulance. And then they were gone. Someone had used their cell phone to call Mr Dickers who arrived right after the ambulance, he went in the back of the ambulance with Joel to the hospital. Everything was quiet then.

Then it was like... did that actually happen? All of a sudden I thought, "where's Robbie, were was he when all this was going on?" There was a group conference forming that I wandered over to, drinking the rest of the cold water as I went. Out of no where Robbie appeared next to me looking pale and worried. "Got a smoke, Dylan?" I go, "What?" and then, "Robbie? Where ya been, man?" he goes, "I was over at the truck throwing up, you're a hero Dylan". As I got my pack of cigarettes out I noticed the greasy dirt on my finger tips where I'd touched that bolt I'd found on the ground. When Robbie took the cigarette I offered him I noticed the remnants of the same kind of greasy dirt on Robbie's fingers too... he hadn't been able to clean it off completely earlier this morning. How'd it get on his fingers this morning in the first place? Looking at him as I lit his cigarette I was biting my lip trying to think straight. Robbie goes, "That was awful, Dylan... wasn't it? A real shame something happened to Joel. Guess I won't need to talk to him now though, huh?" and he raised his eyes to look into mine. I couldn't read anything in Robbie's eyes. Just a neutral look, actually it was more like an innocent look or maybe an innocent look seeking approval... or am I imagining things again? I averted my eyes because I didn't want to think about anything right then. Robbie was standing too close to me, so to make it seem less weird, I put my arm around his shoulder, like two buddies. The conference was actually a pep talk about "Let's finish this job guys. Joel's in good hands and accidents happen so let's try to be sure we do everything we can to avoid another accident, but let's be professionals too and do our jobs". The group broke up and we did resume working, but with one less ride-on mower. As we were finishing up the job a flatbed truck came by to tow the mower onto it and then took it away. By lunch the word was out that a one-in-a-million chance of a bolt coming loose from the wheel housing had caused the accident. It had never happened before with that model ride-on mower ever, but somehow that bolt became unscrewed and just fell out when it was on the slope. The wheel came off and, with that killer blade rotating so fast the blade was almost invisible, the mower tumbled over sideways all the way down the hill, running over Joel in the process and getting one whack on his ankle by that razor sharp blade. Most of the guys were absolutely amazes it didn't cut his foot clean off or worse, cut his head off. The consensus was that the angle of Joel's leg was such that it wasn't open for a full cut through, more a glancing blow by the blade.

Robbie and I didn't do our make-out after work. Everyone was in a somber mood thinking about Joel's misfortune, and I guess thinking, "there but for the grace of God go I"... or something like that. No one talked to me about the accident much, but they all patted my back or nodded their heads in approval of my life saving tourniquet move. I did it on instinct more than a conscious plan, but I'm damn glad I did because I think maybe I inadvertently caused that accident to happen. I felt sick on the way home. Robbie and I didn't talk about it at all after those first comments. Now when I thought about them I got a cold chill up my back. After everything was said and done though, the relief I felt about not having to do the overnight stay with Joel was huge. He treated me cruelly all summer, but even so, I guess Chubby and me won't need to do any pay-back now. It appears that fate has taken care of that for us. I swear I don't know how I feel about anything right now, except I'm thrilled I won't need to worry about Joel anymore... and more then that I still choose not to think about right now. Tonight I'm suppose to do student driving, that should be a fun way to end this bizarre day, a friendly ride with Ms Oberbite. Then again I thought... No more Joel, he won't be back on the job this year and I don't intend being here next year so I'll probably never see him again... good! Did he get what he deserved? I don't know. I'm shaky to be honest, and I still got my dilemma to consider. Now that Joel is out of my life, the dilemma is my only significant worry. Maybe I shouldn't do it, but I'm calling Willie tonight and tell him about Joel's accident... see what he says. I really don't know what he'll say, I really don't know what the hell to think about anything anymore.... I mean, I still wish I could see Willie tonight, and Robbie too... and, to be honest, I guess I wouldn't mind if Joel suffers when he wakes up, just as much as he made me suffer. I know, I'm not too classy with that wish but fuck it, Joel caused me a lot of worry and pain and humiliation. I'm not some kind of martyr ya know.

conclusion next........ Donny Mumford thinat20@yahoo.com