Disclaimer: This story contains portrayals of homosexual acts and lifestyles. There may be references to, or explicit descriptions of sex between consenting adults. If homosexuality, sexually explicit language, or swearing offends you, or if reading materials that contains these topics violates any law or personal or religious beliefs, don't read it. If you are under the legal age in your location of residence, don't read it because it's illegal.
Hey there, this is my first story... I guess a little introduction is to be had. This story is being used as an expression of the amazement I hold for the repercussions of a single decision, that, and I really didn't want to study for finals. This story is a story of me, had I chosen to live a different life. People who know me will see that the character presented in the story is who I truly am, but the thoughts and actions do not in anyway represent any feelings I currently have. Also, any events that are depicted in the story are somewhat truth-based. This piece of writing takes some real life stories of things that have happened to me, but mixing it with a little bit of fiction. I think that's all. Hope you enjoy it, constructive criticism is appreciated. If you don't like it, then that's okay, I really don't mind. (Just don't tell me that I suck or whatever, because that's just not really nice)
Last thing, I'm a hopeless romantic, so that's what this story will mostly be: a romantic/love story. If you're expecting something else (sex, orgies, and whatnot), I'm sorry to disappoint you. Some of those things will show up, but it won't be the overwhelming content of it.
"Escape -- part 1"
"You know, you haven't gone out once since we've been here Coop."
"I know. It's not a big deal Justin... I'm used to it."
"Then just come with me, just this once... you might enjoy it."
"I highly doubt that."
"You'll never know if you don't go. And besides, you can always do whatever you're doing later."
"Just don't expect me to drink or anything..."
"Yeah, yeah... you don't have to tell me twice. You know Coop, for being your roommate, you don't seem to think I listen to anything you tell me."
"Oh shush Justin... you've won already... I'm coming. Let me just get dressed." I said begrudgingly, struggling to put on my jeans on. I can't help it if I like to do work in boxers and wife beater. It was so natural to me, and I was never self-conscious about it in front of my roommate.
"You don't need to do that, you're fine just how you are." He said smilingly.
"Haha, you're funny... and a perv. Now let's go."
I put on a green polo, grabbed a jacket and we both headed out the door, to some location unknown to me. We make our way into the Boston night, admiring the sights and sounds that I've secluded myself from for the more than three months.
"How can you be so comfortable in boxers and a t-shirt when it's so cold?" Justin asked me on the way there.
"I can't help it... I'm a SoCal boy. We wear shorts and flip flops in the winter. The weather is rarely, if ever, that bad." I replied, which is true. If it rained for two or more days, it was called the biggest storm they've seen all year.
"Anyways, we're here. Let's go inside. I'll stay with you if you want Coop."
"No thanks mom, I'm a big boy now... I'll be fine. Go get your drink on."
We make our way inside the apartment, and my roommate makes his way to the drinks. I took a soda, like a good boy, and found a seat on the couch. I looked around the room and realized that I don't really know anybody around the room. All I did see was Justin playing beer pong, which from a bystander's perspective is rather boring. Just as I continue my scan of the room, someone sat next to me. I was so startled that I nearly dropped my drink.
"Oh shit! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. I'm Xander by the way, and what's your name?"
Wow... this guy sure is very straightforward.' I thought as I scanned the eager guy sitting next to me, waiting for my reply. Wow, he's also very cute and tall... and white. Just my type. I'm looking forward to this conversation.'
"Cooper, my friends call me Coop." I said smilingly.
"Hmm, I never would've guessed. I thought you were going to say..."
"An ASIAN name?" I said, cutting him off before he got the chance to say anything that would offend me. I had already heard that same comment so many times before, so it never really bothered me. "My parents are very modern, they're not your typical Filipino family."
"Oh... sorry. I didn't mean it that way. Well that answers my second question." He said as he laughed at my mind reading skills. "So why are you here? You haven't really moved from that sofa since you've sat down."
"It's a very comfortable sofa, what can I say?"
"Haha. You're cute... and funny too!" He smiled back at me.
I stood up to take off my jacket, not without raising my shirt a little, showing him a little of my stomach as well as the waistband of my boxers. I'm going to try every trick that I know with this guy. Thanks a lot Cher.' Cher being the character from the movie Clueless who once said: "Sometimes you have to show a little skin, because this reminds guys of being naked, and then they think of sex." I'll get him wanting more of me by the end of this night.'
"Thanks." I said, giving him a quick wink in the process.
He kind of hesitated, signaling my prowess in flirtation, before speaking again. "So who are you here with?"
"My roommate, Justin." I said pointing in the direction of the tall white guy, straight from the pages of the Abercrombie & Fitch catalogue, downing his next beer. It appeared as if he was really into the game. "Boys will be boys, won't they? And who are you with?"
"Haha, yes they are. Anyways, I came with my boyfriend Evan." He said, also pointing in the same direction as my roommate but focused on the person Justin was playing against, a miniature version of my roommate. Same build, same style of clothing, but about half a foot shorter.
"Oh." I said, trying to hide the disappointment in my voice and face. `Well, it looks like it's going to be another lonely night.' "He seems... nice. So I take it that you know Justin then too?"
"Hmm, not really. He's never really introduced to any of his friends. But apparently those two have been friends since high school."
"I see... So where you from?" I figured if I wasn't going to be able to do anything with him, I might as well make the most of this conversation.
"New York, but I'm going to school here. B.U."
"That's cool, that's where I go to school. What are you taking?"
"Chem Engineering."
"That's crazy, me too!" Great,' I thought to myself, now I have to have classes with him. I'm going to fail because I can't stop looking at his cute face. How am I supposed to tell me parents that the reason I flunked out of college was because of a cute boy in my class.' At least I can tell them he had the cutest dimple on his left cheek and a smile that would make anybody, boy or girl, weak in the knees.
"Come to think of it, I HAVE seen you in my classes before. But you always leave right when class is over, so I never get the chance to talk to you."
"Yeah, I guess you can say I'm a focused person. I haven't really been out much since I've gotten here. Justin persuaded me into coming."
We talked to each other the rest of the night, just simple mindless chatter. We talked about jobs we've had over the summer, he as a lifeguard, me as a volleyball coach at my local high school. I guess it was nice to finally talk to someone other than Justin, who was more interested in talking about cars, girls, and sports, none of which I was really interested in.
"Is there a reason you never leave your room?" Xander asked me.
"Yeah... it's a long story. I'm sure you don't want to hear it." I told him.
"No, by all means go right ahead."
Just as I was contemplating on telling him my story, Justin came back, struggling to sit next to me. I could tell that he was basically close to passing out, a sight that I've seen far too often since we've shared a dorm room. He reeked of alcohol and could barely maintain his balance.
"Hey buddy, you ready to go?" I asked him. He nodded, and I helped him up and we headed towards the door.
"It was nice talking to you Cooper." Xander said.
"Same here Xander."
"I'll see you around?"
"Yeah... sure. I'll see ya."
"Don't forget... you owe me a story."
"No prob."
With that I carried my drunken roommate all the way to our room, taking about twice as long as we did to get there because of all the pit stops' and the fact that a 5'7" person can only help a 6'4" guy so quickly without struggling himself. Once we got in, I helped him take off his clothes, save for his grey boxer briefs that could barely contain his manhood, and helped him into bed. God, he's so fucking sexy. Too bad he's straight' I thought to myself.
"Thanks Coop, you know you're a pal. Hope you had fun." Justin managed to say.
"Yeah... thanks Justin. Seems like you did too. A little too much if you ask me." I was referring to his intoxicated state, not the growing bulge he was sporting in front of me. It took me every ounce of willpower not to help him out with it. But then again, that would really complicate things, now wouldn't it? By this point, I've already overcome any attraction I've had towards him. He's been like a brother to me ever since we moved in. A very hot brother, one that I wouldn't mind taking advantage of. But alas, he's been my only real friend since I flew in, so there's no need to fuck things up with him. At least he'll always be really tasty eye candy. He knows it too, and doesn't mind playing that role sometimes. Secretly, I think he wants me... he just doesn't know it yet.
I waited for his response, but realized that he had passed out already. I stripped into my boxers, and slipped under my covers. I couldn't get Xander out of my head as I lay in bed. Ehh, he's passed out. He won't move until 2 in the afternoon. At least I can work this out of my system.' I thought as I slipped down my boxers and began playing with the hard piece of flesh sticking up in the air. I thought of how cute he was with his one dimple on his left cheek. And his hair was brown, and had that Jewfro thing going for him. When you hear the word Jewfro', think Seth Cohen of the O.C. Now that was a nice head of hair, and exactly like the one on Xander. Hot guys never really appealed to me, it's as if they thought they were too good for everyone except other hot people. But he was cute, the good kind of cute. The kind that I just wanted to hug and lay in bed with, wearing nothing underneath the sheets.
Just as my thoughts seemed to get out of control, with images of the sexual escapades I had envisioned us in partaking, I felt the tingle of my fast-approaching orgasm. I curled my toes as I shot onto my neck. I went a lot further than I usually do. I think Xander may have something to do with it. Oh well, even if he's got a boyfriend, at least I have my fantasies.' I told myself as I basked in the afterglow of my sexual release before getting up to clean myself off. I'm sure I'll see him again. Whatever...' and with that I yawned and headed off to sleep.
~-----~-----~-----~-----~-----~-----~-----~-----~-----~-----~*
I woke up at 9 the next morning. Even on a weekend, I always got up at around the same time, part of it due to routine from the rest of the week, and the other part from weekends back home where my parents would force me out of bed so we could eat breakfast together. I got up and decided to call my parents, who, despite the time difference, would still be up anyways. They were always out of bed by 6:00, everyday for the past... well, ever since I can remember.
"How are things at school, anak (child: pronounced ah-knock)?" My mom asked. She was always the worried one, making sure that I had everything that I needed and that her little boy is taken care of.
"Fine, just tired, ma."
"It's because you've partying all night, anak. I can tell. Mama has eyes everywhere."
Damn, she always saw right through me.' I remember back in high school when I had my first girlfriend, whom I had for over two months, I was about to tell my mom about her when she said: I already know about you and her. I don't like her.' It was the first of many occasions where she would take the words right out of my mouth.
"But I'm letting you know, though, that I didn't drink..."
"Uh-huh... sure."
"But I'm actually telling the truth this time."
"See? This time, I know you boy, and you can't get away with anything."
I could already see that I wasn't going to win. But it was always fun pushing her buttons.
"Okay ma, I'm gonna go now. I still have to study today. I'll talk to you later. Bye ma."
"Bye. One more thing."
"Yes?" I was anticipating another comment about me or my life or something.
"When are you going to bring a boyfriend back so I can meet him?"
"Boyfriend? Ma, what are you talking about?" I asked, trying to deflect any question on my sexuality. At the time being, it was fun being away from home because I can actually be myself. Even with liberal and non-traditional parents, I never found the right time to tell them anything about myself in that subject matter.
"I told you, anak, I can see right through you. You don't have to say anything else. Love you."
"Love you too ma."
With that, I hung up the phone, thinking about that last conversation with my mom. I guess I don't have to pretend around them anymore. Hmmph, I guess I don't really have to say anything else to them about that.' Coming out to my parents was lot simpler than I had originally envisioned, with threats coming from my dad and my mom crying. Instead, I got a question about bringing a boyfriend home, which meant that they must already know. My guess is that they got the vibe' from me too. The one that everybody gets around me and makes them assume I'm a cock lover. Not that it's not true, but it's still something that I've always found interesting, if not slightly disturbing.
The rest of the morning was uneventful, morning run, breakfast, and a shower before I headed back to my computer. Just as I was about to start studying for my midterm on Wednesday, I checked my facebook, the bane of me. Out of the twenty-four hours in the day, at least five is spent on facebook. It's like myspace, but a lot less complicated and more straightforward. Besides, it was always fun to facebook-stalk some cute guy that you happen to meet somewhere. Facebook deserves a story all its own, but not this one. Anyways, I checked and saw that I had gotten a message from someone.
"Hey there Cooper, it's Xander, just wanting to say hi and that I enjoyed the conversation we had last night. The point of this message... you have Mickowsky for chem right? If you do, and since there's a midterm coming up on Wednesday, I was wondering if you wanted to study with me. It can be somewhere fun, like... not the library or the dorm room. =) Anyways, call me at this number if you wanted to do that. --Xander"
I sat at the computer, figuring out what I should do. I know that he had a boyfriend and all, and that his boyfriend was a friend of my roommate, so that pretty much complicated things. That, and the fact that I had morals and that there's no way I would ever come between two lovers... deliberately. On the other hand, I did have a midterm to study for, and it would be nice to compare notes and have someone to study with. `I'm there to study... nothing else. Work first, play later' is what I told myself when I called him. Despite this, signals were going off in my brain that something wasn't right.
"Sounds good, see you later at the coffee shop on campus?" He asked me.
"That's fine with me. See you at 3:00." I hung up the phone and started reading for my class when Justin, finally awake from his drunken stupor from the night before said,
"Aww, someone has a date today. That's cute."
"Shut up. You're lucky you made it back in one piece last night. You're welcome. And it's not a date."
"That doesn't mean you still can't have fun." Justin said, winking at me.
"Haha, yeah... because studying for a chem midterm is SOO much fun." I said with a twinge of sarcasm and annoyance that everybody that knew me seemed to pick up rather quickly. Besides, there's something about this whole situation with Xander that had bothered me. I couldn't really place my finger on it, but there's something off with the turn of events. All it did was put me in a depressed mood, the kind that I've been used to experiencing for the past seven years.
"Wow, someone's being a little bitchy today, aren't they? What gives?" He seemed rather earnest in his question. Maybe I'm not that hard to read. I've always thought myself to be a reserved person that could contain any emotions, but I guess that isn't true when even the straight guy can tell when there was something wrong.
"It's nothing... seriously." Even if they could read me, I know that if I can stop the conversation, that they might get the clue and not pursue it any further. But no such luck today.
"I know that we've only met three months ago when we moved in, but that doesn't mean you're not a close friend of mine. And besides," he said with a grin, "I'm all you have. So spill." This time, he was serious, and also right in that assessment. In the time I've been at Boston, I haven't really pursued any relationships with anybody, that is, except for Justin. I never really thought that we would actually get along, let alone be friends, good friends at that.
He had this whole All-American thing going for him, tall, white, handsome. Big man on campus at his high school in the midwest, prom king, and voted most popular. He was used to getting everything he wanted, and he had tons of friends to boot. There's wasn't a time that he didn't have someone with him. He had the life enviable, the one that couldn't get any better.
I, on the other hand, was an Asian boy that was never the best at anything, focused on school. I came from a high school where there were the majority of the students were both: a) Asian, and b) overachievers. As if taking a full load of classes wasn't enough, they were also presidents of various clubs on campus, as well as captains of their championship winning varsity sports. So as a person that never reached that level of accomplishment in my high school life, I did the best that I could with what I had to work with and found myself with a scholarship to go to Boston University and very little friends in the process. I couldn't get out of that high school fast enough, and boarded a plane for the east coast. Walking into the dorm room and seeing this fine specimen of white boy didn't do anything for my self-confidence, but getting to know him made me feel more relaxed, as if I finally made a friend. Despite our physical and personal differences, he was a good friend to me, better than any friend I've made, past or present.
"It's nothing really... just boy issues." Was all I could really let out. I knew that there was something more to it, but I just wanted to mull over things on my own.
"Are you talking about that one guy you were talking to last night?"
"Yeah. You know, for a party animal like you, you seem to have a really good memory."
"Well I can't help it if it just adds to the total package." He flexed a bicep and smiled his toothy grin. He was getting cocky, and I could already see it coming. Normally, this would lead to one of those conversations where we would insult each other for the next thirty minutes, but not this time.
"Yeah, I guess so." I said with a slight smile. I didn't really have the energy to try and think of something back. Thoughts of Xander and the right thing to do kept plaguing my mind. All the while it made me more depressed, realizing how lonely I've been feeling.
"Now I KNOW that something is wrong with you... what gives?"
"Nothing's wrong, I already said." I tried my best to fight back the tears in my eyes. So I grabbed my headphones and began listening to the same songs I've listened to when I felt this way. I just grabbed my book and began reading, hoping to drown any sense of sorrow that lingered within me. Defeated, Justin got up out of bed to take a shower.
"Well, I guess I know when I've lost." He said before closing the door.
By that point, there was nothing stopping the tears. I put my hands to my face and felt the tears stream down my face. It was as if I was draining any problem that had bothered me away from me. It wasn't even the whole Xander thing that really got to me. It was the fact that there was something missing from my life. The fact that I woke up alone, day after day, clutching my body pillow as if it were a real person. People, aside from my family, were never very kind to me, especially in high school, and made me feel unwanted. For once, I just wanted someone to notice me, and be with me. Be with me even when they have other friends, to not be cast aside when `someone better' came along. I wanted to feel included. What I wanted was love. All of a sudden, I felt a hand on my shoulder, it was Justin. He had witnessed my emotional breakdown, and I felt bad subjecting him to this wreck that was me.
"I just wanted to let you know that I'll always be here for you, even if you don't think so. Just let me know if and when you're ready to talk." He told me as he went to get the towel that he forgot the first time out. He left me in the room once more, pondering about this relationship I had with him. I knew that after crying I would feel a lot better, because I had done it so many times before. That sense of overwhelming sorrow was no stranger to me, and I never really figured out why.
Justin, however, kept things in perspective for me. I knew that he was my friend, my best friend here, and that allowing myself to wallow in self-pity would do nothing for me. I got a drink of water to calm myself down even further before continuing my studies. Twenty minutes later, Justin came back from his shower, still in his very sexy towel that hung low on his waist.
"You know if you wanted to jack off, you could've told me. I would have given you the minute that you needed. Just kidding. But not really." I said to him, hoping that he would get the sense that I was feeling a lot better.
"Glad to know that someone is feeling better. You doing okay, bud?" He asked.
"Fine... and thanks."
"Thanks for what?"
"Just for being here for me... I appreciate it." I got up from my desk to give him a hug.
"No prob, Coop." I wrapped my arms around his waist, making sure to grab a bit of the towel. As he reciprocated the hug, I pulled away from him, also taking his towel away, leaving a very wet, naked, and tall white boy in my room. "Hey asshole! If you wanted to suck my dick, you could've asked!"
"No thanks, I prefer my dick to not be so..."
"So long?"
"Ha, yeah... sure, if by long you mean nonexistent." Which in fact was not true, because he had the hottest looking cock that I had ever seen. It was neither the longest, nor the thickest, but it was just the right combination. If I was the Goldilocks of penises, Justin would be the baby bear, if the baby bear had the best penis in the world, in a non-pedophilic/bestiality sort of way.
"Don't be jealous of me small fry."
"Hey, can we not talk about your penis right now? I haven't eaten lunch yet, but I still want to be able to."
I could tell that Justin was relieved to see me smile and joke around, even if he was still naked. He finally got dressed, which was a shame, and we decided to grab lunch at a local restaurant.
We made it to the restaurant and ordered our food in relative silence. It was awkward, to say the least. Justin kept looking at me, but I didn't know what to do, so I just looked up, smiled, and ate my food. I was trying to figure out what to tell him, but I was just content with the company.
"You don't really have to say anything you know." Justin said to me, before taking a bite into his scrambled eggs. "I just don't want you to feel like you don't have anybody to talk to. You're a nice guy and I like you..." I looked up and raised my eyebrows, as if to say `Oh really?' "...in a non-homosexual way." He said, finishing his statement, which caused a noticeable drop of the eyebrows. "I just don't like seeing you like this."
He was sincere and I could tell just by looking at him. As intimidating as he looked, which was mainly due to his height and physique, he was big softy in the middle. He could be the jock and the sensitive guy, it just took a little gay to bring it out of him. He had a way of just looking at you with those green eyes that could put a person at ease.
"Thanks, it means a lot to me. You mean a lot to me..." I told him as he returned the gesture I gave him earlier. "...in a homosexual way." We both laughed and continued eating our food. "I know I've been going through a lot of shit right now, but you've been really helpful. Even if I know I have to change, it's going to take me a while to just get over all my issues."
"I'm not asking you to feel better overnight, just that you know you have a shoulder to cry on... unless I have a date." He said.
"But the only thing I've seen you be intimate with is your right hand." I said rather playfully.
"Haha, funny. Says the guy with sex drawer." I blushed at that last comment because I thought I had always kept it locked. As ashamed of it as I was, I was also curious of the fact that he even knew about it.
"How DO you know about it then?" I asked, which caused him to blush as well.
"I... uh..." He stammered as he grew even redder.
"Uh-huh, yeah. Knew it." I smiled knowing that I had won this battle. There was nothing in there that would be suited for his two person sexual practices. "You could have just asked me, could have saved you the embarrassment."
We finally finished our meal and decided to walk around the city for little bit before I had to go back and study for my midterm. I still hadn't had the chance to talk to him about the Xander predicament, but I figured I would save it until it became a real issue, which it wasn't. I made it a point to not really bring up my episode before lunch, and we just talked about life in general. By the time we got back, Justin and I had gotten to know each other even better than before. It was also time for me to meet up with Xander to study.
"Thanks for lunch Justin, it was the best date I ever had." I told him with the utmost honesty. Like I said, my personal life revolved around school and so I had never been on a `real date' with anybody.
"No prob sweetie. Now don't go cheating on me with that study date of yours."
"Of course not, honey." I reassured him.
"Thanks, now get out of here before I kick your ass." And with that, I grabbed my study materials and headed for the coffee shop.
~-----~-----~-----~-----~-----~-----~-----~-----~-----~-----~*
By the time I had gotten there, Xander had already set up shop at a corner table, notebooks, textbooks, workbooks, any kind of book one would need for a chemistry class. He was busy working on a problem and you could see the amount of concentration he put into that problem. I ordered something, something decaffeinated because that stuff had a way of messing up my already fucked up sleep cycle. I just needed something to drink and eat while I studied.
As I got my order, I walked up to the table just as Xander yelled out in cheer for a correctly solved problem. He was surprised by his own excitement, and by the fact that everybody in the coffee shop had turned to see what the cause of celebration was for. He had blushed after that realization, but seemed okay with the situation as soon as he saw me. He looked cute, wearing a grey long-sleeved shirt underneath a white Abercrombie and Fitch polo with a pair of slightly destroyed jeans. He was the epitome of everything that I was looking for in someone, physically.
"So I'm guessing you got the question right?" I asked, already knowing the answer but not knowing the right thing to say at the time.
He looked up and smiled. "Yeah, I did. First one in a long time. You came just in time."
"Sorry about that... I just needed to get something to eat while I study. I think I have an oral fixation or something."
"Oooh, yeah, I hope you do." He said to me in a rather interesting manner. I was intrigued by that comment, because as far as I can remember, and considering the fact that I had only met him yesterday, he had a boyfriend. As much as I would like to pursue something with him, I still had morals. Besides, I came to study and not to flirt with the cute white boy in front of me. Aside from morals, I also had self-control, a lot of it actually. It kept me focused on the task at hand, which was to study for my midterm.
"So yeah, I'm pretty good with this stuff, so if you have any questions, just ask me and I'll try my best." Diverting the attention away from me and to what I thought was the real purpose of the meeting.
We studied at the coffee shop for a little more than four hours, only talking about the periodic table, molecules, and any other boring stuff pertaining to chemistry. It was a productive time and it was good to have some outside contact, despite any ulterior motives. By the time we were finished for the day, it was already late in the evening and Xander offered to take me out to dinner, his treat. I was always up for a free meal, and with a cute guy nonetheless, so I of course agreed and decided to take me out to a Thai restaurant a couple blocks from the coffee shop.
"Is this your first time at a Thai restaurant Cooper"
"No, my family likes to try different types of restaurants, so we've been to a few local Thai restaurants back home."
"That's cool. My family was never like that, I only heard about this place from Evan."
"Oh. Well it seems like he has good taste." I said. `Why do you have to bring up the boyfriend again? Are you TRYING to rub it in my face?' I asked myself, growing more perturbed by this situation.
"You know... you still owe me a story from last night. So why do you not like going out and having fun?" I wasn't really paying attention to him at that point, mainly due to his last statement and any leftover feelings from earlier in the day.
"Huh? What? I'm sorry."
"That's alright. I said, `you owe me a story.'" He smiled at me and looked at me very intently. It was slightly reassuring, but his gray eyes were hiding something. I always thought of myself as a perceptive person, despite my apparent transparency, and there was something about him that yearned for something. But then again, I was probably willing something into happening. He was a nice guy, and I wouldn't mind pursuing something with him under different circumstances.
"Oh yeah. My bad. What do you want to hear about first?"
"Let's start with your family, since you mentioned them."
"Alright, that sounds good. My family and I moved to the United States when I was 5 and have lived in San Diego since."
"That explains the flip flops in this kind of weather." I laughed and looked down at what I was wearing. I hadn't realized that I had dressed liked I normally did back home, a maroon polo, jeans, and my flip flops. In San Diego, it would be winter and the coldest it would get was 65 degrees Fahrenheit in the daytime. There have only been a few occasions where I absolutely needed to wear a thick jacket with some jeans, and most of those times were when it rained.
Today, the weather wasn't bad at all, if anything it was just slightly chilly. It was only the fall here in Boston, and for me it hadn't reached the point of changing what I wore. I knew that we would be out until it got dark, so I thought ahead and decided to wear jeans.
"Haha, I guess. Is there anything else you want to know about me?"
"How about your social life here, or lack thereof?"
"Wow... straight to the point, huh? That's alright, and besides I did owe you an explanation."
With that I delved into the story of my life in high school and experiences with the crappy people there. The lack of real friends, the lack of self esteem, and the overwhelming desire to leave that part of my life behind. I told him that although I had left it all behind in San Diego, its influence on me was tremendous, like I couldn't fully escape its grasp. I told him that when I got to college, I shut myself out of everything because of all this baggage I was carrying. I never wanted to put myself in the position to get hurt again, and that's what I've done since I've gotten here.
When I was done, I looked at him and saw him look very overwhelmed by my story. He grabbed my hand and stared into my eyes, which normally would've been filled with tears. But after the emotionally draining morning, the words just slipped out, having no effect on me. I looked at him and just smiled.
"I'm fine now Xander. Don't worry about it. I have a good friend in my roommate, and that's how I'm coping." I don't know who I was convincing that I would be okay, Xander or myself. I figured that the more I said it, the more I believed it, and the better I would become.
"It's just... wow... I... uh... just don't know what to say."
"You don't have to say anything."
We finished dinner in a manner that resembled my lunch with Justin. Xander would look at me, I would look up and smile, he smiled back, and then we would continue eating. This cycle would repeat itself until we were both finished.
After dinner, we decided to just head back to the dorms and call it a night. Night had already come and filled the sky with stars. It was getting cold and I began to shiver just a little bit. All of a sudden I felt an arm reach over me as Xander pulled me close.
"I guess someone's not used to the Boston weather. Too much being spent inside." He said, laughing at the situation at hand.
He reminded me of Justin in so many ways, tall and comforting. It put me at ease for a moment, before my thoughts reverted to the one complication that had bothered me, the fact that he was with someone. I, however, was very cold and appreciated the warmth that he shared. Xander wasn't buff at all, just tall and kind of awkward, in a cute kind of way. We never really talked much on the way back to my room, just lots of looking. It felt like I had been walking with him forever when we finally reached the door to my room. I put the key in and unlocked the door when I turned back to look at him. He was leaning against the wall with just a small smile across his face.
"Thanks for this afternoon, it was really helpful." I told him. "Thanks for tonight as well, I'll take care of the bill the next time."
"You don't have to worry about that." He said, all the while maintaining eye contact with me.
"I'm sure we can work something out."
"Huh? What are you...?" All of a sudden a pair of lips came towards mine and we kissed. He pulled away and left me speechless, flustered, and blushing. I looked at Xander who seemed shocked by his own behavior, like he had committed a crime.
"Uh... goodnight." Said Xander as he grabbed his stuff and headed out towards the entrance.
"Yeah... uh-huh... sure..." I said as I headed inside my room. Justin was sitting on his bed, watching something on the television. He looked up, well not really up considering how tall he is, and looked at the blushing boy at the door.
"So I'm guessing that things went well." He said.
"Yeah... sure..." I said, making my way towards my desk. "There's just one problem."
"Yeah what is it? He reminds you too much of me and you're afraid that you're only using him because you can't have me?" Even I had to laugh at that last comment as I got ready for bed.
"Haha, someone's jealous."
"In your dreams Coop."
"Well at least they won't be WET dreams Justin." He blushed at that last comment. He knew what I was referring to.
"Hey, that was one time, and that couldn't be helped. We had a bet going on."
"Uh-huh, sure. If by `bet' you mean the fact that you hadn't had any in two days. You know even rabbits don't get off as much as you."
"I'm pretty sure someone had helped me into getting off." He shot a glare at me with one raised eyebrow. `Ha, I wish that had happened.' I told myself. I knew that this banter would get out of control in a minute, so I decided to end it.
"No seriously though, there's only one thing wrong with him."
"What is it?"
"He has a boyfriend."
"Oh... wow... yeah, that's kind of a biggie."
"And you know what's worse?"
"What's that?"
"You know his boyfriend."
"Really? Who?"
"Evan."
"You're telling me that you kissed Jared?"
"Who's Jared? No I kissed Xander."
"I don't know who Xander is, but there's something that I should tell about Evan. As much as he is my friend, that guys a whore, and not even the good kind. If he's not getting together with two different guys, he has three other girls on the side. Guy's got issues and it's not the first time I told him about it."
"Wow..."
"So I don't know about you and Xander, but I'm guessing you shouldn't really worry about Evan. Even if he IS dating Xander, there are tons of other people that he's sleeping around with, and I'm pretty sure that they don't know about each other."
I was speechless, and thrilled. I guess I didn't have anything to really worry about then. But at the same time, I knew Xander's actions were inappropriate in the context of the situation, and he would have a difficult time with his decision. All I had to do was talk to him and tell him what I knew. I had a lot of thoughts running through my head as I finally got into bed, thinking of what I had gotten myself into. On one hand, it was exciting, I had finally found someone that I wanted to be with, but on the other, I was wondering if I was setting myself up for a fall, like I did in high school. After much restlessness, I finally settled down long enough to go to sleep. It had only been a weekend, but it was more exciting than the rest of my three months in Boston.