All of this is true, not that that matters particularly, but it is. Most of what is described in this story occurred to me when I was 18. I'm 21 now, and my name is Chris, by the way.
First, something about me, because I do love talking about myself, and perhaps, because it will set the stage for the story.
I'm about 5'11", half-Hispanic, 150 lbs. Half-breeds usually have good genes, and I do for the most part - except that I look like my father, who is not particularly attractive - my mouth is a bit too small perhaps, cheek bones aren't pronounced enough. I shaved my head when I was 16 and liked the effect, so I've kept it shaved - well, not shaved, but cut very, very short. When I could grow facial hair, I found that a slight shading from stubble could help my face some. I actually look pretty good now - and I work out a lot ... unlike my face, I can sculpt my body - not too muscular, not too lean. Am I not vain? :)
I am also brilliant - I went to college when I was 11 and graduated when I was 16 with a B.S. in Mathematics. So that means I went to the 5th grade - and completed it, by the way - and then left school and started college. Everyone always asks how that's possible. Actually, its really not that hard - if you score well on the SAT, most places don't care about high-school diplomas. I just did it, OK? -- it's even hard for me to believe sometimes. I'm almost finished with my Ph.D. now, by the way - I could have been finished faster I guess, but why?
But so what? I'm also a near sociopath - I feel almost nothing - or, more accurately, almost nothing external to me makes me feel anything in particular. So I usually choose to feel happy, simply because its less trouble. I can make people laugh pretty easily - so the people who know me would say that I'm pretty funny and happy. And I guess I am, but I also hate this life - I'm bored and lonely basically - I've explored the knowledge of all mankind already in my lifetime and I'm still empty - I've explored the religions of the world, and I'm still empty. I'm a Christian, by the way - I believe in a creator, simply because I know physics and have concluded that evolution is impossible, hence demanding a creator ... and I like Christianity. I'm also gay - which is wrong by my beliefs, and I hate being gay (which I guess a lot of people do). So until this episode when I was 18, I didn't do anything gay - I wasn't in a physical relationship, I didn't jack-off to gay fantasies, etc.
But when I was 18 I was finishing up my master's degree, and my boredom and loneliness seemed so unbearable that I decided to kill myself (I'm still going to kill myself, by the way) - and because of that, it seemed irresistible to do a few things before I died. One of those things, and the thing perhaps of particular interest to the readers of nifty.org, is that I decided to make love to a guy -- so I began searching.
When I was about 16 I began playing ultimate frisbee with a church-based college group, which I really enjoyed. About a year after I began playing with this group, an interesting thing occurred: Austin, I guy I knew way back when I was in grade school started playing with us. Austin wasn't in college, but was my age - in fact, we were born exactly a month apart. We had been sort of friends back in grade school -- and I had kept up with him through the years when I had remembered to. I really missed him actually -- we had been pretty good friends, but when I left grade-school for college, our worlds had just been too different (or maybe I was just too immature) and we just drifted apart.
You might be surprised that I recognized him after all these years, but actually it hadn't been that long since I'd seen him last. Austin played tennis, and a few years previously had won some awards and had his picture in the paper. I had clipped out the picture and kept it -- and the Austin I saw that day at Frisbee looked very much like that picture.
Actually, this aged Austin fascinated me - it was just so interesting to see what I could have become, if you know what I mean. He was only one month younger than me -- but so much more innocent and naive ... beautifully so. Regardless, I hadn't had any friends my age in all the time since I left grade school, and getting to know him (again) absolutely delighted me.
I loved him intensely - not even sexually at first, although he was beautiful, and I suppose that that must have had some impact on my feelings, but honestly, I genuinely enjoyed him. On the topic of his appearance though, he was very, very attractive. He was almost exactly my size, weight, etc. except that he was blond-haired and blue-eyed. I liked to think that he was a counterpoint to me (I who was dark-haired, tanned ... dark basically, dark supposed to suggest evil) -- he was also fairly muscular, although I don't think he worked on his appearance as meticulously as I did on mine.
To my delight, when we first met, he recognized me, and was even glad to see me (I think I want to tell some of this story now with dialogue from Austin -- and because these events occurred a few years ago, I, of course, simply don't remember every word that was spoken -- but I'll try to give an account that appropriately represents what happened):
When I first saw him and recognized him I went over and shook his hand:
"You're Austin right?" I said, although I knew it was him.
"Yeah, how'd you know?" he asked me.
"I don't know if you remember, but I went to elementary school with you ... Chris?" I said hopefully.
"Chris? Really? No way! Sure I remember you. You went to college really early right?"
"Eh", I said, doing my best Mojo-the-helper-monkey imitation, "I started after the 5th grade, remember?"
"Yeah, I do. That was a long time ago, man! How've you been?"
"Pretty good. Really good since I found this frisbee league ... are you here to play?"
"Yeah, if you guys let me ... the youth-group frisbee team has had trouble getting enough people to come out to games, so I decided to see if I could start playing with you guys?"
"Yeah, I'm sure it'll be fine. Come on, I'll introduce you to the guys"
Anyway, my friendship with Austin soon blossomed -- exploded, actually, I mean I really, really liked the guy. We started hanging out and playing video games together -- stuff outside of frisbee, and he was a great friend. However, I began to notice something.
I am brilliant, as I said, so I can read people well -- and after hanging around Austin for some time, I detected a definite potential gayness. Not that he showed it in his voice or actions -- how I HATE flamers by the way -- actually, I loathe guys that act at all effeminate -- and, to avoid hypocrisy, I make sure that I look and act and speak very, very 'straight'. Anyway, Austin acted straight, but I know people and my gaydar was definitely going off with him. I saw him not turn and watch when a hot looking girl walked past, as I do, intentionally. I saw his gaze follow hot guys as they walked past (this is not as surefire a sign as one might think -- usually, those hot guys are attached to girls, and he could have been looking at the girls I suppose, but I suspected differently, and I'm always right so I went with my suspicions).
Normally, I perhaps would not have had the courage or motivation to press the issue, but since I was going to die anyway (I had decided to kill myself, remember), I thought I might as well find out. With this in mind, I immediately set out to find an opportune time to broach the subject with him. For weeks nothing came up -- but I was patient.
Finally, one day after frisbee he pulled me aside:
"Hey Chris, you know science and stuff right?" Austin asked me, sweaty and beautiful.
"Yeah, I suppose, why?" I answered calmly.
"Do you ever tutor people?"
"Yeah, I have."
"Would you maybe have time this week to help me out with my chemistry homework? I'm in AP chemistry this year and it's kicking my ass."
I was a bit saddened that he thought I didn't know he was in AP chemistry -- Austin had told me his course schedule several weeks ago at the beginning of the semester and of course I had remembered it exactly. How I loved him.
"Sure, I'd love to," I told him, "when's good for you?"
"Any time in the afternoon, but I don't want to interfere with your classes"
"Please -- don't worry about me, I'd love any excuse to skip class, but how about you meet me up at the university library this Wednesday after you get out of school. I'll be in the entryway"
"Sure, that would be great ... if you're sure it won't be any trouble"
"No trouble at all", I told him, "see you Wednesday". Bingo.
That Wednesday I dressed in my finest -- nice faded blue jeans and a jet-black shirt to compliment my eyes. Today was the day I asked Austin if he was gay. Whew!
Anyway, I started "studying" in the library entryway at 2:00pm -- way before school let out, but I was going to let nothing interfere with the meeting and the thought of missing Austin was unbearable. Anyway, I enjoyed watching people walk past and the time passed quickly. At about 4pm Austin showed up. School ended at what, 3:15? I didn't know if high-school ended at 3:15 since I never went to high-school, but guessed that it might, which would mean he took about 45 minutes to get here, which was average I supposed. Not too eager, not hesitant, hmmm.
Anyway, I said hi to him and we walked up to the stacks and I took him to a secluded part of the library that I had carefully chosen for this day. No one came up here very much and we could study in peace and talk in privacy. And I did help him study. He was having problems with some simple chemistry concepts ... I always like helping people with academic stuff, it's easy for me and it helps them, and in the case of stuff like basic chemistry, tutoring brings a certain sense of nostalgia. It reminds me of when I was learning college chemistry for the first time when I was 12 or whatever. Ah the memories!
After a while the conversation turned to his graduation, moving out, college, etc., and, seeing a nice segue, took the opportunity to ask him if he had a girlfriend:
"So Austin, are you dating anyone?" I asked him.
"No, not right now." he said, sort of disinterested. Good sign.
"Haven't found the right person?"
"I don't know, I guess it just hasn't been right yet ... how about you?"
How perfectly ambiguous and promising.
"No, same with me I guess. Grad school takes up a lot of my time."
Silence. No comments about "how lucky I must be to be surrounded my hot college girls" like I usually received. Great sign. Well, now or never I decided:
"Austin, are ... are you gay?"
Damn it, I stuttered. Stupid! I had practiced!
When I asked this I was looking directly at him, with a serious expression on my face, and even though I had stuttered I was collected.
A wealth of expressions flashed across his face. I knew immediately that he was gay -- in a straight guy the first emotion would have been anger perhaps, or humor, but I clearly saw fear, perhaps some sadness.
However, Austin was a good pretender and his mask went back up immediately (not fast enough, thankfully) and he began to smirk.
"No. Come on man, I just don't have a girlfriend. I'm not a smart college guy like you."
Hmm. Now I became unsure. I hadn't expected such a blatant lie (or was it ...). I was going to kill myself though, so this was not a time for hesitation or weakness -- confidence my son, the time for elegance has passed. I gave Austin a look and tried again:
"No, Austin, you don't understand. I'm gay ... surprised? Good! Seriously, I'm gay - as in I like guys and not girls ... and I'm asking you if you are gay."
He still looked uncertain, which was a huge flaw in his strategy if he was trying to look straight -- a straight man would have looked more shocked or angry or comedic -- not uncertain. I was much more relaxed now ... I was almost certain I had my answer, Austin just needed a little more coaxing.
"No you're not ..."
"Why would I lie?"
"So you're serious?"
"Yes."
"I don't believe it prove it."
I laughed. "How am I supposed to prove it? Come on ... you know I care about you ... I swear on our friendship that I'm gay."
Austin didn't say anything -- he just kind of looked down at his books and slumped forward.
"And I want to know if you're gay", I told him.
He took his time, but eventually, his head came up from the books and he said, all serious-like, "Yeah, I am."
I laughed again. "Now I don't believe it. Prove it."
That broke the tension ... he chuckled, then he stepped on my foot hard underneath the table and said "Jerk-ass ... prove it. Hmph".
"You started it." I said, "So, next question - would you be at all interested in messing around sometime?" Oh how delicate we must be in English with such questions -- what an awkward language it is for propositioning people.
"You mean like sexually?"
"Yeah."
"God ... I can't believe this". Austin turned sideways in his chair and looked off into the stacks of books around us. "This is actually really, really cool. I've thought you were hot for a long time."
That was unexpected ... I don't think I'm THAT hot, but never look a gift-horse ... "I thought you were hot in the 5th grade", I told him.
"Why'd you wait so long?"
"Ingrate. When do you want to get together?"
"I don't know ... Mandy (Austin's sister was Mandy, by the way) has a soccer match out of town this Saturday ... I don't have to go to it, and everyone won't be back until Sunday morning. How about Saturday evening?"
"Sounds great. See you then, or shall we continue on with Chemistry?"
"Shut up. See you Saturday."
Wow, that turned out better than I expected.
I remember that Saturday night there was a particularly magnificent sunset. I remember driving to Austin's house and seeing this nice, warm, two-story brick building with a landscaped front lawn, framed by this brilliant sunset and thinking "How pristine and innocent ... if Austin were a house he would look something like this". I also remember being very excited -- I had been hard basically non-stop from the moment we planned this evening several days ago -- my heart was beating really fast, and I remember being happy since I hadn't been really excited or aroused about anything in a long time.
I was smiling when Austin answered his doorbell and let me in. He looked good -- he was wearing his usual preppy clothes, and I wondered if he had gone to any trouble picking them out, or if he always was just well-dressed. His hair was a little wet I thought, or perhaps gell -- regardless it had been recently done. Interesting.
"Nervous?" I asked him.
"Come in ... are you nervous?" he asked back.
"Yes ... more excited though", I said and started laughing. I couldn't help it, I was just so interested in what was about to happen and so glad to be with Austin. He started laughing a little too and said, "Want to come up to my room? I'll give you a tour on the way". So we toured his house briefly -- very briefly actually, since I think we were both eager to get to his room.
Our last stop was Austin's room, and it was very interesting. First of all, his room smelled like Austin, which I liked. Secondly, it had life -- it was simple -- there were movie posters on the wall, a tennis racket in the corner, a computer ... difficult to describe, but a sort of messy simplicity, a high-school student's messy simplicity - which in itself did not interest me. What delighted me though was that Austin enjoyed these things -- this simplicity. I reveled in Austin's innocence: how much he did not know and how much I envied him for his ignorance.
We entered his room, and he shut the door to his room (not that anyone else was in the house, but I also thought that the door should be shut ... it just felt more private). Anyway, when he turned around I was looking at him, and he looked a little uncertain.
"So, what do you want to do?" he asked me, which was awkward and stupid and I loved him for it.
I knew he was just nervous, so I ignored the question and went over to him and hugged him and kissed him on the neck. And I was in bliss -- BLISS I tell you!
I could see and feel the small blond hairs on the back of his neck and smell him -- he was wearing Old Spice, which I hadn't registered until now. I was really glad when he responded and held me in return, basically just hugging me.
He was hard, I could feel that -- the faded jeans he was wearing were concealing an obvious bulge -- I was glad he was aroused.
Austin pulled his head back until we were face to face and kissed me on the lips. Now I was a little uncertain about this since I had never kissed anyone before, but it was amazingly natural -- and I was still smiling, and I started laughing again after that, and so did he.
We French-kissed then, and I loved the feel of his mouth, his teeth, his tongue - his taste. I think we just kissed for a long time -- we were still standing the entire time, but I didn't really care ... I was having too much fun.
I remember making the next move. His shirt wasn't tucked in, so I just slipped my hand up underneath his shirt and put my hand on his chest. I waited to see how he would respond. He didn't really do anything, so I figured I would continue. I began to run my hand up and down his chest -- and I liked what I felt. I had never seen him with his shirt off (well, a few times at frisbee, but not for long enough to really study him -- and would never risk checking out a guy in public anyway), but I could feel his pecs and his abs -- he was a little ripped, which turned me on. I also loved the soft peach-fuzz on his chest. I don't have very much chest hair, but I could tell that in a few years Austin would have some definite chest hair.
I was delighted when Austin made the next move and started to take off his shirt -- and the sight of him was so much better than just feeling him. He also reached for my shirt and I got the hint and took it off.
I remember us just looking at each other for some time -- I was still had a huge smile on my face and he looked pretty happy too. But we had been standing for a while, and I guess he was tired of standing (as was I), because he grabbed my arm and brought me over to his bed. He lay down and I lay down on top of him, kind of to the side -- still face to face. We embraced each other and started kissing again. I caressed his back, which felt really good and muscular -- and he ran his hands up and down my fairly muscular back as well, and I remember thinking that every second of pain I had spent in the gym, every crunch, every pull-up was absolutely worth it. My body was a gift to Austin.
I wanted to move forward though, so I began to undo his pants. I didn't want to do anything he didn't want to do, so I made sure that he could have stopped at any time and not been uncomfortable. I took my time undoing his jeans then slowly stuck my hand in, found out that he was wearing boxers, and then found his dick -- which was rock hard and wet with pre-cum.
I brushed my hand against his dick for a while, and when he didn't do anything, I grabbed his shaft just under the head and squeezed hard. I got a reaction that time -- Austin smiled and kind of tensed and made this cute little groaning sound deep in his throat.
His jeans really didn't allow me much access to him, but fortunately at that point he began to take them off -- I followed his lead and shucked my pants and underwear as well. While taking off his pants Austin had changed positions and was now sitting up on the edge of his bed -- so was I, actually. His penis was standing straight up, shaking with each heartbeat, and oozing a good deal of pre-cum (as was mine, to be honest). In this position I had a good view of his dick -- which was a very nice dick. It was about 6" and cut, like mine, average sized balls I guess, etc -- only his pubic hair was blond and mine was black, which I thought was pretty cool. Overall, nice equipment.
Anyway, Austin reached over and began to stroke my dick, which felt really nice. It's amazing how different (and good) it feels to have someone else masturbate you. I chuckled and went back to stroking his chest, especially his nipples and French kissing him. We did this for a while -- and actually he was doing a darn good job of getting me off - I guess he was intended to bring me to climax, but I didn't want to cum just yet.
"I'm going to cum ... and I don't want to yet ... hold on, I want to watch you jack off", I told him. I know this was kind of a strange request at this point, but I was so utterly fascinated with Austin -- I had just always wondered how he jacked off ... and honest question.
He game me this sort of puzzled look but then he grinned and started to beat himself off. I watched as he thrust his hips with each stroke and as his face lost itself in the pleasure of it. While he was doing this I pushed him back onto the bed and started playing with his balls. When I masturbate I enjoy pulling slightly on my balls and apparently he did too since he started that same guttural groaning when I began to touch him there.
While I was playing with him down there, I noticed that his balls started to contract and I knew he was close to cumming so I pulled his hand away from his dick mid-stroke, which no doubt caused him some discomfort -- in fact, his hips thrust one more time as I pulled his hand away and he gave me this kind of plaintive look. I laced my fingers with his stroking hand and told him:
"I want to finish you off ... but I want to give you a BJ, but I don't know how ... or I haven't done it before at least, so you're going to have to help me"
"Hmmm ... I GUESS I'll let you", Austin said and smiled before he stretched himself out full of the bed with a pillow behind his head. I knelt on the floor at the edge of his bed so as to give myself easy access to his cock and balls.
Perhaps not surprisingly, when I first decided to have sex with a guy, I had done research on BJs, anal sex, etc. From this I knew that I was supposed to cover my teeth with my lips so as not to hurt Austin. During this time I also had been trying to rid myself of the 'gag reflex' -- but I had just used fingers, etc., nothing the size of a penis, so I was interested to see how much my prep-work would pay off.
Apparently if paid off a lot, because when I first went down on him, Austin almost came off the bed. He thrust his hips hard and sent his dick pretty far into me -- I could feel myself start to gag but I suppressed it and continued -- thank god for my pre-sex practice. He also grabbed my head and began to run his hands over the soft, short hair on the back of my head.
Once I got over the initial shock of having Austin in my mouth, I relaxed and took as much of him as I could. It actually seemed pretty natural ... I used my tongue a lot and he really seemed to like that. Soon we settled into a rhythm of thrusting and sucking. He started laughing at one point -- he still had a great big smile on his face -- "This is fucking AWESOME!" he whooped, and laughed-- and why not?, no one else was around.
I knew he didn't have much longer when his balls started to tighten up again, and sure enough almost immediately he said, "Hey, Chris, I'm gonna cum" -- I suppose to warn me or something.
I responded by sucking him even harder than before and working him over with my tongue. Suddenly I felt his dick spasm and heard a cute guttural "Argh" from Austin. He grabbed my shoulders, and I saw his abs contract as he raised his head up off his pillow as he entered the throes of his orgasm. He thrust one more time, and I lifted my eyes up to make sure I could see him at this moment. His eyes were closed as his face contorted then relaxed as his climax passed. I immediately felt several jets of hot semen hit the back of my throat. A lot of semen in fact - apparently he hadn't cum in a while. I didn't suck him then because I was afraid he'd be too sensitive, so I just swallowed all his jizz and then got off of him, pleasantly surprised that his cum didn't taste bad.
Austin was breathing hard and was a little flushed when we finished, then he started laughing and so did I. I lay down beside him and he put his arm around me. I knew what he was feeling right then -- that post-orgasm fatigue, and I wondered if we were finished for the time being. Actually I didn't care, I was happy just to lie here with my arms around him, enjoying his sight and smell and warmth. I watched his penis get soft, and even soft his dick was nice.
Suddenly he got up:
"Sorry, its just that that was an AMAZING blow job -- you certainly didn't need my help. I was just a little winded, now for you", Austin announced, grinning.
So it was my turn - I lay down as Austin had done moments before. Appropriately, Austin knelt down at the edge of the bed and went down on me. It was amazing! I almost had expected him to not shield his teeth or something, but I guess guys instinctively know that that would hurt, and there were no teeth. This was my first BJ, and I could only hope that I had made Austin feel as good as I felt now. I grabbed the back of Austin's head and began to run my fingers through his hair. Just like before we got a rhythm going -- a couple of times it felt so good that I couldn't help groaning and thrusting -- also laughing, I was so happy.
I was so aroused that I didn't last very long (at least I thought), and not very long into it I told Austin that I was going to cum (I thought I would return the favor of notifying him before I jizzed in his mouth).
Just like I did, he just kept on sucking me and I proceeded to have one of the best orgasms of my life and came in his mouth.
Austin swallowed it all, then climbed in bed on top of me. He started to kiss me, and I thought that that would be cool, so we Frenched and I could taste my semen in his mouth. I didn't taste that bad either.
After that we just lay there in each other's arms -- very spent, at least I was -- and we fell asleep like that.
When we woke up it was dark -- I love the dark, and I loved Austin. We were still naked and he had his head against my chest. What woke me up was Austin waking up and shifting around. I sat up and so did Austin -- I started laughing.
"It's just kind of difficult to believe," I said.
"I know, I had a really good time," Austin replied.
"Wanna take a shower," I asked?
Austin grinned and nodded and followed me into his bathroom. I started the water and made sure it was at a good temperature. When I finished with that I noticed that Austin was hard again. I was kind of hard, since I was still naked with Austin, but seeing him aroused made my dick stiffen.
I went over and kissed him again, then pulled him into the water. I remember the steam and his body were so nice. We showered first, lathering each other up in turn and then rinsing off. At one point he was washing his hair and had his back to me. Since he was still hard, I took the opportunity to soap up my hand and reach around him and grab his dick. Austin chuckled and stiffened up but kept rinsing his hair. I started to jack him off with a very tight soapy grip, paying special attention to the head of his dick. With my other hand I rubbed his soapy chest. I was pressed up against him, kissing his neck, my dick resting on his lower back. Not very long into this Austin started thrusting hard into my hand and doing his little grunting noise. I knew he was close so I grabbed him hard and jacked faster than ever. Soon his entire body convulsed and I felt his dick jerk in my hand. He shot his load against the shower wall and kind of rested his head against the shower wall for a while before turning to me.
He jacked me off then, only we were face to face this time, which made his grip a little unusual, but I was so aroused that it didn't really matter. I kissed him all the while, and was still kissing him when I shot my load onto his chest.
--
After the shower we got dressed and watched a movie on his couch. He was laying down on the couch, resting on some pillows, and I lay down in front of him with my head on his chest. I knew I would have to leave eventually, but I wanted this to go on forever. Shockingly, time didn't respect my wishes and the movie ended and it was time for me to leave.
"Austin, when can we do this again?" I asked him.
"Stay and we can do it again right now," Austin taunted.
"Don't tempt me. I've got to go eventually. My parents will get ticked off. When can I see you again?"
"As soon as possible hopefully. We can't do this when my parents are home."
"No?" I teased him.
"Hmph ... actually, they are going to have dinner with my aunt on Tuesday -- its her birthday I think -- but I think have to go too."
"Hmmm ... how about this weekend? My parents are gone to a bible study Sunday night - we wouldn't have a TON of time, but it's better than nothing."
"Your place, this weekend then? The bible study starts at 7:00, see you at 6:30?"
"Perfect. I love you. See you then." I told him regretfully as I left him.
Austin and I enjoyed an amazing few weeks after this incident and had sex a few more times ... it was fantastic, and I've never felt more whole or satisfied then when I was with him.
Great ... so the story ends happily? Not so -- perhaps God thought I was having too much fun, because only weeks after I was first with him Austin died in an auto accident. As I write this I find it a little strange that I don't know the details of the death of the love of my life, but I really don't care -- they (his parents were involved in the accident too, but they survived) were hit by a truck I think, or hit a truck ... again, who cares, Austin apparently was thrown from the car and didn't survive. I don't know what happened to Austin's sister, but I don't think she was in the car at the time because she wasn't all bruised up at the funeral. I wen't to Austin's funeral by myself -- his stupid parents were there, very tearful ... I knew him better than they did I bet.
So for the next few years, up until the present, I was -- or, I have been, rather quiet. Sometimes I'm mad at God for the accident -- it just seems ridiculously timed. Only days after I first made love to Austin, he dies.
Oddly enough I ended up in College Station, Texas -- finishing up my Ph.D. at Texas A&M University -- perhaps the worst place on earth for a gay man (Texas A&M is a very conservative school). I don't act gay so no one here knows -- and what do I care? Maybe I'll get into another relationship before I die, or maybe not ... it still won't be Austin.