Chapter 18-
"Josh, someone is here to see you." My mom called to me through the door. I nearly fell off the chair as I straightened up and composed myself. My hands were shaking uncontrolably as I walked as casually as I could out my door and down the hall. I stopped at the top of the stairs and tried to hear what was going on downstairs. Panic struck me as I heard Jason talking.
I rushed down the stairs as fast as I could and went into the living room. Chris was sitting on the couch and Jason was sitting next to him. It scared the hell out of me to think of what they could be talking about. Trying to be as casual as possible, I walked into the living room and sat down in the armchair.
"Having a nice conversation?" God, I'm such an idiot.
"I was just telling him about our weekend. After we had the long, wet, sloppy, sweaty, dirty, nasty, BUTT SEX, we went and had hotdogs." Jason looked like he was ready to puke and left the room quietly as Chris broke up laughing, "How did he live past puberty?"
"What did he say? I mean, was he mean or anything?"
"Nah. He tried to be all tough and shit but I know how to handle him. He's just like Kevin. No big deal." He took a deep breath, "I figured that we should talk... about stuff. Maybe?" For the first time, he seemed genuinely shy and it was reassuring to me. It helped me realize that I wasn't the only one feeling so confused.
"Yeah, we should. Do you wanna go up to my room and talk? We'll have more privacy up there."
Chris thought about it for a second, "Let's go." He smiled and climbed up off the chair. The trip up the stairs was almost like I dream. Once in my room, I sat on the bed and Chris took a seat in my chair.
"Look, Chris, I know that it might not have been the best place to say what I said. It's not like I planned for that to happen and I feel bad that I put you in such an awkward position--"
"Whoa, wait a second Josh. What do you mean?"
"All I'm saying is that I totally understand if you want to take back what you said. It's not like I'd hold it against--"
"What the fuck are you thinking?!" He looked really mad and I knew instantly that I was mistaken in a big way, "Do you think that I said what I said because I felt like I had to? That is seriously offensive to me, dude. You've known me for ten years! I don't do anything I don't want to do unless I have a damn good reason. I'm not into lying about how I feel. Do you understand?"
"I'm sorry." It was all I could say.
"I'm not mad, Josh," He got up and sat next to me on my bed. He put his arm around me, laid his head on my shoulder, and his tone softened, "I'm not mad at you. It just bothers me that you think I would say that stuff to you because I felt like I had to."
I felt my eyes well up with tears. I nervously rubbed my eyes, "Do you really want to?"
"Do I want to what?"
"You know.... be a couple."
"Josh.... would I be here with you like this if I didn't?"
"You're serious?"
"I'm serious about what? Weren't you paying attention?" Chris began to laugh, "I meant everything I said, Josh. EVERYTHING. About being together and staying together and all that."
"What if my dad kicks me out for being gay?"
"Then we'll figure it out." He began to idly play with my hair.
"What about when we get out of high school?"
"Then we'll figure it out."
"What if--" I began.
"We'll figure it out, Josh. Has soccer warped your brain?"
"Possibly."
I was suddenly overcome by tremendous courage. Wrapping my arm around Chris, I was able to pull him down onto my lap. He was laying across me as I looked down at his face. He smiled and gently reached up and caressed my cheek with the back of his hand.
This was almost too much for me. My stomach felt like it was going to jump right out of my throat. But I still felt so bold. I felt bold enough to reach down and run my fingers through his soft hair. It was now or never. Or... wait, maybe we could wait. Or let it come naturally, maybe--
My overthinking was rudely interrupted by Chris pulling me by my collar. In a split second, my face was about a millimeter from his. He smiled and pressed his warm lips to mine in the most heavenly kiss I could ever imagine. I could feel the blood flowing through his lips and then the warm wetness of his tounge. Time was frozen for me as he slipped his hot tounge into my mouth for the first time.
The sensation was truly amazing to me. We shifted up onto the bed and he laid down with me on top. My only coherent thought was that we had to lock the door... but nothing would tear me away from him.
He ran his hand under my shirt which sent chills through my body. Eventually, his tounge retracted and that was my cue. It nearly gave me a heart attack when I became aware of the stiffness pressing against my leg. I felt like crying and laughing and shooting my load all at once.
I took charge and gently began to explore his mouth. I ran my tounge over his beautiful teeth and probed back onto the roof of his mouth. He was breathing heavily and he took my hand and placed it on his stomach. I nearly shot my load at the feeling of his firm soft stomach under my palm. I gently traced my fingers over the warm skin as our tounges wrestled. Eventually, I eased my mouth off of his and began to kiss his cheek gently. Making a trail, I gently licked and babykissed my way to his neck and I moved my hand up to gently stroke his smooth chest.
"Josh," He whispered in my ear, "Do you want to go all the way?"
For the first time, I had to think. It wasn't easy considering the lack of blood in my brain. "Ummmm.... I don't know... I mean..."
"Josh, do us both a favor. Don't think. Do what feels right."
What a predicament. Quite an intriguing decision to make.