Welcome to the last chapter of 'Everything I Said'. This story will be finished up in the Finale I will have it posted within the week but this will be the last chapter! To kick off my final chapter festivities I decided to include an e-mail I received from one of my many fans. My day was going so bad and this reader lifted my spirits and reminded me why I love to write so much! So please, I know you are all interested in the story, but take a small amount of time out of your schedule to read this. And Keef, THANK YOU so much for your praise and appreciation for my work here on Nifty. It will never go unnoticed.
-Darren
Hello Darren,
Well once again I was blown away by your talent with the newest chapter of your story. But I must say this because I enjoy your story so much. I have read a lot of stories on Nifty and there are the usual sex filled romps, the one's that try and do more but it never comes off right and then there are the few that touch people, are so well written they remind people of similar situations they have lived and they go through the motions because what the author does, the way he chooses to use words and other situations are just so well done it touches people. Darren, you have one of those stories. I know listening and reading these boring emails I am writing ya are tiresome and somewhat repetitive but it's all true. You have talent my friend and I am always impressed with what you give to your fans. Now on the subject of your newest chapter, first I must say I enjoy all the chapters, even the fillers...LOL, but I think maybe try and pace yourself my friend. Now I find that funny when I say that because I am one of those people who just can't wait to read the newest chapter but I can imagine how much stress is involved with creating a story and releasing it almost every day.
I very much enjoy your incorporation of very meaningful songs in your story. It is done with much taste and I enjoy every one so far. But to be truly honest with you, your story is simply amazing. Now I know I have said this a lot and I am sure you hear this all the time, but it truly is an amazing story. It never drags; it always keeps the reader on the edge of their seat. The way it comes off is simply a visual treat, the way the descriptions go down and personalities come out is very, very well done. But the thing is this story is just mind boggling to me. Every time I am simply amazed with the quality and the pure emotion put into everyone. It is one of the best things I have read. I am telling you this should be published. It is just so touching and refreshing to read something with meaning and yet simply entertaining and it's just great.
Until next, Keef
P.S. For anyone wondering the name of the song in the previous chapter is called 'That You Know' and I actually wrote it as I was writing the story so I was totally in shock! As usual, please don't use it unless you have my expressed permission. ***********************************************************************
EVERYTHING I SAID
- Chapter 14 - Written by Darren LeVanelle
LAST CHAPTER ********************
I felt a little disappointed, and ecstatic at the same time. Dreams are dreams and meant to be crushed I suppose. "But one kiss wouldn't be so bad would it? I mean, just one little kiss."
"Do you want me to kiss you?"
"I think so."
"That's not a good answer." He looked very serious this time as he leaned in closer towards me. "Do you truly want me to kiss you?"
"Yes." I said softly. "I do."
He leaned in quickly at me right then and...
CHAPTER 14 **********************
There was a sudden knock at the door. God. Can't I just have one private moment without someone distracting me just as I'm about to kiss the boy? This is SO teen drama sweeps week. JC almost looked relived when he pulled away because of the knock. Me? I was just a tad shaken that I was this close to kissing another cute guy in the band. JC rose from his chair and opened the studio door.
"Yeah, yeah. What do ya want..." His words trailed off as he recognized the beached-blond boy who stood before him wearing only his trademark outfit, a white t-shirt and a pair of boxers. "Lance? What's up?" The sight just didn't excite me any longer. Ok I lied. James was still cute!
"I couldn't sleep again." He looked so nervous and afraid. Why I still have no clue but I could tell he needed someone right then. "Oh. I didn't know you were in here with Jeremy. I thought you were the only one who did late night recordings around here." I gave James a smile that he only returned slightly, almost like he was hesitant. "Jeremy? Could you stay with me tonight?"
I was running the risk of him being extremely dependant on me, and that was not something to look forward to. But he needed me and, truth be told, I enjoyed being the recipient of someone's affection even if I couldn't return them. "No problem James. But this WILL be the last time!" I was such a wimp!
I could've sworn that JC muttered something out as I walked out of the room. "Callin' him James now?" or something to that effect. Was that a hint of jealousy I detected in his voice? No matter. I had neither the time nor the energy to think about it at the moment so I just let it go and walked with James to his bunk.
STILL IN THE MINI-STUDIO
I don't know why Lance is so attached to him. And letting Jeremy call him James! He won't let anyone call him that! What gives? I think that Lance has a very strong attraction to Jeremy but I can't exactly blame him. He's probably the only person I could surmise as a friend since we started back in 95. That and he's a genuine guy.
I can't believe that I was about to kiss him. How stupid would that have been? I did it once with Justin, not sure if I should do it again. Good lord. I think I need to talk to him about that anyways. Maybe I can clear things up about what he was thinking and maybe I can finally put that at rest. Hopefully he won't be too much engrossed in sleep. But like I really care.
But before I left I made a copy of the song we had just done and had it dubbed down to a cassette tape. I labeled it and put it in a small package, enclosing a note about the song and how it was written and some general insight into Jeremy and how much everyone in the band appreciated him and his work with us. I addressed it to the main office at JIVE and sealed it. Then I just walked up to the driver and placed it beside him.
"Make sure you mail this off as soon as we get in to San Diego." I told him.
"Sure thing JC." He replied softly as we continued through the night.
"And make sure it's Fed Ex'd. You can bill it to me ok."
"Will do."
And then I decided to head on back to the bunks and see if I could catch Justin real quick for a word.
MEANWHILE IN LANCE'S BUNK
We crawled into the bunk together. James was already dressed for bed but I was still clothed. So I got comfy, dressed down to my boxers only and crawled in the bed with him. He didn't snuggle up to me, which was a surprise in of itself. I tried to get comfortable but it was kinda hard to do considering that James just lied on his back and wasn't giving me any room. And the bunks didn't have THAT much space. So I just moved onto my side facing away from him. I wondered if there was something wrong.
I heard some pretty strong footsteps down the aisle, which caught my attention. But what really got me going was JC's voice that I could just barely make out. 'Justin! Justin are you awake?' I sat up a bit as I heard this and started to think about things. Just what was happening around here?
"You like him don't you?" James still lied there, looking blankly towards the top of the bunk.
"Excuse me?" Just what was he trying to tell me?
"You like JC right? I mean I can tell. I see the way you look at him all the time." I guess I wasn't the only one who was overly perceptive.
"Well I do think he's cute. And I do like him." There was no point in saying something that wasn't untrue. "But like you, I think of him as just a friend. He's a really nice guy. He's also a very good songwriter."
"JC? Are we talking about the same person here?" Now that got the curiosity going. Just what was he trying to say? "The same JC who wrote the lyrics to 'Space Cowboy' and 'No Strings Attached'? The same JC who never writes anything seriously or acts seriously except when we're in the studio or practicing before a gig?"
"Well yeah. I was writing a chorus idea down and we did this little demo recording in the mini-studio. He came up with the lyrics out of nowhere for most of the song during the recording. It was really something." James gasped a bit at that.
"What?"
"Well what did you think we were doing in the studio?"
"I dunno. Maybe you were trying to bag him."
"Give me some credit! I haven't even had a boyfriend in over a year and a half." James sounded somewhat jealous. Don't blame him though. He does like me a lot and the first crush can somewhat run deep. "B'sides I just think you like him like that. Why else would you sound so envious?"
"I AM NOT!" James practically screamed out at me.
"Calm down boy! Shit, do you want to wake the dead."
"Sorry."
"It's ok."
"Can I hear the song?"
"Sure." We crawled out of the bunk and headed off towards the studio in the bus. I heard something that sounded muffled, kind of like a cry or a weeping sound. I didn't know what to make of it so I just ignored it for the time being.
IN JUSTIN'S BUNK
I thought I was finally gonna get some damn sleep but, as usual, something had to intervene in the mean time. I was a little lost with the whole thing though, considering that JC and I haven't really talked recently. He was kinda distant lately and I was wondering what had been up. He rapped lightly on the wall and I could hear him TRYING to be quiet. It wasn't working though.
"Justin? Justin are you awake?" This was something unexpected. I opened the curtain and saw JC standing there looking a little lost.
"Be a little more quiet. Ears might hear ya!" Yes. I was a bitch too and I just couldn't help it sometimes.
"Ears?" His voice was noticeably lower now.
"Jeremy." I said sarcastically.
"You be nice Just." Hmm. What's this? Another one behind the infamous audio technician. This was about to get interesting.
"I am being nice. If I was being rude you'd know it."
"True. True."
"Anyways. What's up?" I scooted over to one side and JC plopped down next to me in the crap quarters of our lovely sleeping arrangements. Thank god we'd be in a real hotel in about another day and then...vacation for a week! Yay! And it looks like I'll have plenty to do while in San Diego.
"Well it's kind of serious." JC had this, I dunno, weird look about him right now. Couldn't quite place my finger on it though. "In fact I don't think we've ever talked about it."
"Well just go ahead and say it Josh." I didn't want to play any beat around the bush right now. I was still half in sleep mode.
"Do you, uh, remember when we, uh..." Damn. Why was he acting so hesitant. JC was never like this. "When we were on the Mickey Mouse Club together?"
"Of course I do. Some of the best memories of my life!" I wonder if he was going somewhere with this.
"Well do you remember when we were in the wardrobe room after we finished filming that last episode?"
"Yeah." Why were we just NOW having this conversation?
"Do you remember when I kissed you and you kissed me back? I was just thinking about it and I wanted to know why you did it."
"You want to know why? What? I wasn't obvious enough at the time?" JC can be really dense sometimes.
"Then you..." I decided I should just cut him off and remind him of what I did all those years ago. I pressed my lips up against his and kissed him hard. His eyes squinted at me after recognition kicked in. Then he pushed me away suddenly. "What the HELL do you think you're doing Just?"
"You wanted to know why I did it. It's cause I LIKE you stupid!" JC facial expression widened and I could have sworn his eyes were about to pop out of their sockets.
"Well if you're gay, then why the bad attitude towards Lance?"
"FOR THE LAST TIME I AM NOT GAY!" Damn. Some people you just have to caps lock them into the truth.
"Then why do you like me then? How can you like me?"
"Because there's just something about you Josh. I've always hoped you would like me the way I like you." I turned around and started to lie down. "But I don't think that's in the stars now is it? I mean why else would push me away."
"If you would have said something years ago I might have." JC took a hold of my hand and gave me a big hug. He felt so soft and warm around me. Too bad nothing would ever happen between us. "But you're just too good of a friend now. B'sides there's still a lot we have to talk about."
THE NEXT DAY WHILE ON THE ROAD
Thank GOD James decided not to try and hit on me again last night. Crushing a poor boy's heart twice in the same week is just not something I want to add onto my 'Done' list. He liked the song a lot too. And he appeared very shocked that JC was capable of writing such meaningful words. The truth is so did I but I didn't let James know that.
I got out of bed early so I wouldn't get attacked by another case of morning wood grinding into my hip bone and headed for the shower. I must have still been half-asleep cause I didn't even realize that the shower was already going and somebody was already in it. I yanked back the curtain quickly, my eyes almost flying out of my head, and caught the sight of Joey standing there with soap all over.
"AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" He screamed like a little girl, covered his crotch and chest, then slapped me like a bitch in my face and closed the curtain. Note To Self 2: Make sure brain is working before entering the shower on bus. Got it. I wiped the soap on my face off and headed over to the other bathroom, complete with shower and all. I took a quick piss and was surprised that my brain still hadn't started working. I yanked back the curtain quickly, my eyes almost flying out of my head, and caught the sight of Chris standing there with soap all over.
"AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" He screamed like a little girl, covered his crotch and chest, then slapped me like a bitch in my face and closed the curtain. Note To Self 3: Note To Self 2 has yet to register. Refrain from taking a shower on the tour bus until a licensed psychologist has properly examined you.
I eventually made my way into a shower. That made me realize that my Note To Self 3 hadn't worked either. Maybe I should use post- it notes? When I was finally dressed and looking somewhat decent that morning I walked into the game room and opened up my laptop. I didn't see anyone else out there, which was kind of nice. I enjoyed the privacy for a brief moment as I connected and checked my e-mail.
From: jaybjay@hotmail.com Date: Wed, 24 May 2000 02:21:14 MDT Subject: Date Plans!!! To: jhollis78@yahoo.com
Dear Hal,
I'm just letting you know that I've picked a perfect place to meet at so that neither of us will feel uncomfortable. In San Diego I will be at the Hilton. The directions from San Diego International are attached at the bottom. I'll be in room 323. But I won't be in until later in the evening cause I have some last minute errands and stuff to run so I hope you won't mind if we meet at like 8 pm??? If not I can understand. I realize you're busy trying to get your work done so we can meet in San Diego as planned SO...if you don't e-mail me back I'll take that as we WILL be meeting there. OK? I'm getting a lot of butterflies in my stomach as tomorrow gets closer. I got the jitters but I won't be backing out. This is a once in a lifetime kind of thing and you can NEVER pass them up. So I'll see you there. Hope everything is all right.
Love Ya Lots! Jay
As promised the directions were included in the e-mail. The funny part was it was the EXACT same hotel that we would be staying at except the room was a lot closer to the ground floor. Funny. I cast the thought aside, as usual, and closed up my laptop just in time for the show to start.
Joey came romping into the room looking somewhat pissed at me. He started yapping out at me, almost like a mother, about my run in with him in the shower. "So help me GOD Jere if you EVER do that again I will throw your short ass out the window while we're doing eighty!!!"
Then Déjà vu happened. Again!
Chris came romping into the room looking somewhat pissed at me. He started yapping out at me, almost like a mother, about my run in with him in the shower. "So help me GOD Jeremy if you EVER do that again I will throw your short ass out the window while we're doing eighty!!!"
"Ok. Ok. Guys, point taken. Checking shower while running bad! Jeremy opening curtain while shower is going bad! I get it! I get it!" The two of them started laughing hysterically at the look on my face and the look on the faces of the other three 'N Syncers making their way into the main office of this gin joint right in the middle of my sentence.
"I'm not EVEN gonna ask." Justin commented. Still a bitch though even if he can be kind sometimes.
The rest of the trip to San Diego on the bus went rather smoothly I must say. I even got to sleep in my OWN bunk for once. James had finally managed to learn to sleep without me as a security blanket, which was definitely a good thing. JC, Justin, Joey and Chris all stopped by my bunk to say goodnight. The only exception was James. Nowhere to be found. I hope he wasn't mad at me or anything like that. He seemed just fine when we spoke while watching 'Chasing Amy' during dinner. I love that movie. Joey, Justin and JC all seemed quite fond of it too. Justin was a bit on edge all evening. We didn't even get into a 'discussion' once today! That's a world record. I dunno but he seemed kinda nervous or anticipating something. O'well, as I always say. Can't let my imagination run too wild.
I woke up at about 5 in the morning just as we entered the main part of the city. It was gonna be SO nice actually sleeping in a real bed for once. We arrived at the Hilton about 6 or so. I wasn't really paying attention to the time at that point. We got off the bus, and for the first time since we started this little moving Popsicle stand, there were no hordes of screaming girls waiting outside today. Must be a good sign. At least I hope it is.
I headed right for my room on the 8th floor, room 831, and immediately crashed on the REAL mattress. Very intoxicating. The feel of REAL sheets and REAL pillows and REAL...
Ok. I think you all get the point now.
Before I knew it I was already fast asleep. I woke up at about noon and decided to quickly refresh myself and get changed and out on the town. I remembered that I definitely needed to get some shopping in. Besides I needed something to wear to my 'date' tonight. I had absolutely NO CLUE how it would go but I wanted to start it off right.
After getting ready I walked down the hall towards the elevator. Then it occurred to me. I had three 'friends', well actually, friends that prolly wouldn't mind going out to the mall with me. Since Joey was in the closest room I knocked on his door first.
"Hey Jere dude! What shaking?" He answered way too enthusiastically. It must be the mattress.
"I was gonna hit the mall. You wanna go with?" Ok. A little ghetto talk is not good. But it seems to work pretty well with Joey here.
"Sure. I'm already dressed and ret to go. Let's cruise!" And he was taking my new speech impediment way too seriously.
We ran downstairs while he tossed on a baseball cap to disguise the magenta in his hair and threw on some shades. He didn't look any different to me but I guess to the casual observer you wouldn't be able to tell him from Adam. Or anyone else for that matter. Took the limo to a nearby shopping strip and went around our business.
It's a good thing I took him along with me anyways. Come to think of it Joey isn't one of the 'heart-throbs' of the group. JC or Justin, even Lance, would have been a bad choice. Joey being the less obvious attention getter of the group, or even Chris, made for a wise decision I didn't even realize we made.
While we were in one of the shops I picked up this really cute dark blue shirt that had these small black stripes running down the sleeves. Kind of like a sweater but it wasn't. "Hey Joe! What do you think of this?" I help up the garment to him. He brought his hand to his chin, giving it a look over for a moment, and then a smile crossed his face.
"I like! Very retro. Not to fancy, not to cool. Way too much fashion sense for a man of your age and profession." He giggled as I smacked him with a nearby hanger.
"Very funny. You try and do my job sometime!"
"I will try if you try mine." He smiled again, this time not so sarcastically and witty. He was actually being serious.
"Joey I am not about to audition for a sixth member spot in your little family."
"Why not! It would be a blast! We have two concerts here in the next 10 days. It would be fun...for both of us!" He was on to something. Being on-stage was something I always dreamed about. "Besides you know the songs just as well as any of us and you're a singer and a musician too. I've learned the board pretty well. Why not?"
"I'll give you five reasons why not! You, Chris, Lance, JC and especially Justin!"
"But what if they all said yes?" Well he had me there. "If I ask them about you performing during the second show would you?"
What was I suppose to do. Tell opportunity NO when it was right in front of my face. "You do realize I'll have to learn your dances and stuff."
"You're a quick study! Besides I saw you dancing that one time when we all went clubbing, just us and the rest of the tour crew. You got some wicked steps! I think Justin would be jealous."
"Doubt it! The bitch is way too conceited."
"He is not a bitch!"
"When?"
"When he's...sleeping."
"Do you have proof of that?"
"Not yet but I am working on it."
"Ok. If you get the guys to agree I will but only once! Don't expect this to be a constant little sideshow when one of you feels too tired or falls ill."
We shopped a little more then ran down to the food court to get something to grub on. Just when I thought we should be leaving, Joey started up this conversation with a woman down the way a little. She was Hispanic, very exotic and beautiful looking, and seemed to really enjoy talking to him. Paid no attention after the first five minutes. In fact I was debating pulling out a nail file and getting a good manicure in when he finally returned.
"Sorry, she just kept talking my head off."
"Yeah right. C'mon I gotta hurry up and get back to the hotel. I have to be all dressed and ready to go in like 2 hours or less! And as we all know," I said winking at him as I finished, "A girl needs plenty of time to get ready."
"What? Do you have a hot date or something?"
"Don't know if it's a hot date or not yet." He looked confused over that. "It's someone I've been getting to know online. We're meeting tonight."
"Oh." His face went blank with that. "That's, uh...nice." He was quiet the rest of the way back to the hotel.
I ended up only having a little less than an hour to get ready which was probably a good thing. When I don't have much to do before a 'date' I usually overdo my appearance and that was something not on the itinerary tonight. I wanted to appear as normal as I usually do. Not too fancy, not too cool, just like the new shirt I bought today at the mall. Obviously I decided to wear it along with some slightly baggy jeans, a black leather belt, and my blue Skecher sneakers. Very hip, very me, and slightly on the sexy side if I don't mind saying myself. I sprayed on some Joop! Which I just LOVE to death, although I haven't worn it in a while, and gave myself the once over in the mirror. This was gonna be it. Meeting Jay was becoming a huge wreck on my body. I could even see myself shivering in the mirror. While adjusting my shirt I spoke words of confidence to myself, something close to a ritual of mine when having jitters.
"No expectations Jeremy. Act natural. Don't look surprised or impressed. Don't look devastated. Just be yourself." After I felt a little more at ease I took the elevator down to the lobby and picked up a single blue rose, my favorite color, and took the elevator back up to the 3rd floor.
I checked my watch as the doors opened. It was 7:55. Good. Just a few minutes early. I looked to the doors on each side to try and find out where this damn room was. I held the rose close to me as I rounded a corner and saw that I was heading the right direction. I felt a little better, but still a little nervous, as the numbers got closer to the one I had written down on a tiny piece of paper. Yep. This should be the wing. I rounded the corner and stopped dead in my tracks.
Joey stood right outside the doors in the hallway, right next to room 323. He was wearing a really nice outfit, black slacks and a nice white casual shirt. He looked kinda...well, cute! He was holding a beautiful bouquet of a dozen red roses too. He took notice of me and looked my way, shock showing very apparently on his face.
"JEREMY???" He screamed out.
"JOEY???"
*********************************************************************** TO BE CONTINUED???
Well this is the FINAL chapter of 'Everything I Said' but it is NOT the end of the story!!! Be back here in ONE WEEK to find out the conclusion to this little tale of mine that has probably been driving you crazy for the past few weeks. It will be aptly titled 'Everything I Said - The Finale' so be prepared. It will be the BIGGEST chapter you have read of mine so far. As usual, I hope you all enjoyed this. I'm sorry if you're still going insane but, HEY, I have to end with a big finish. Hope you all like it!
-Darren ***********************************************************************