Evil Is a Man

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

If you like what you're reading, let me know: SellarDhor@gmail.com. And let me know where you want the story to go and who you want Jake to end up with. And if you have any ideas for the future, let me know, I might include them.

JANUARY 16th

"Syd picked out THIS outfit for us bridesmaids?" Annie asked, covering the parts where the dress showed some exposed nipples with her hands. "That guy is such a scoundrel."

After Meredith made her final adjustments, Annie went back into the changing room to put on the dress she was wearing that morning.

"Don't forget, Meredith," Cornelius said. "Lettie and Tom are coming in today on the stagecoach from Fools Gold. They have to turn right back around tomorrow morning to head back, so that'll require us to get them fitted when they get here today, late in the afternoon."

"I've got their outfits all ready," she said.

Annie reappeared looking loads more classy in her simple white dress. "Thanks again for choosing me as your bridesmaid, I'm honored."

"Of course," I said.

"I'll just spend the next couple weeks before the wedding mortified of having to wear that outfit in front of hundreds of important guests," she said.

I felt really, really guilty about putting her through all of that. I considered telling her the truth, but I had sworn to Syd I wouldn't tell anyone else after I mistakenly let Boyd in on the truth, so I kept my mouth shut.

"So, Jake, I saw you and Syd eating dinner last night," Annie said. "I was going to come over and say hi, but you were with some girls."

"Oh yeah, we're all good friends," I lied, hoping she hadn't seen any of the real craziness that had gone on at that table.

"One of the girls was the one who ripped her dress off when we were riding up to Mareshead. You guys are good friends with her?"

"Yeah," I said. "She's, um, real fun. Crazy fun, in fact."

"Oh yeah, I bet she is. And there was also Rose Dixon," she said. "Why are you and Syd such good friends all of the sudden with Rose Dixon?"

"Uh, because she has a lot in common with us," I said quickly.

"I wouldn't say so at all," Annie said. "She hates humans, she hates me because she thought Parker should have married someone from a better family, and she hates Glaucia, well, for existing."

"Really?" I asked. "Wow, I guess she isn't such a nice lady after all. She's done such a good job of keeping all those views to herself, or else we surely wouldn't have been hanging out with her. I'll let Syd know Rose isn't the sweet smelling flower she's seemed to be."

"Good," Annie said. "I just want to make sure you two don't end up getting your feelings hurt. Hey, I have to tell you, I'm leaving to go visit my family for a week or so. They want to see me after they heard I was pregnant, but I just haven't had time. So, I'll be leaving tomorrow."

"Is Parker going too?" I asked.

"He was going to be," she said. "But I think he'll be better off here where he can babysit Lewis. Anyway, I wanted you to know that I will for sure be here in time for the wedding. Didn't want you to worry."

"Oh, I wasn't worried, but thanks."

"I'll be shoving off tomorrow morning, but I'll swing by your room to say goodbye to you and Syd before I go," she said.

"Oh, perfect."

"I'm afraid we're both past due at the rodeo corral, Mr. Groves," Cornelius said, interrupting us. "Annie, will you be attending as well?"

"Oh no, I hate those things," she said. "Hope you're not insulted, Jake."

"Not at all," I said. Truth was, I'd prefer if no one was allowed to see me get publicly humiliated all in the name of entertainment. The only person I absolutely wanted there was Parker.

I concentrated on Parker's sweet, smiling face as I entered the extremely hostile social environment of the rodeo corral. No one cheered for me in the audience as I stepped forward, which proved to me that either our fans from last time had been extremely fickle, or only ever really caring about Syd's half of our couple. Speaking of Syd, he was once again nowhere to be found as I dismounted Patches. I passed Boyd and his wife, who had none of the friendly gamesmanship Arlene and Ryan possessed, and instead just looked at me with cold, businesslike eyes. Boyd was wearing his buckskin shirt and chaps once again, while his wife had a similar outfit.

I noticed Jericho was already seated in his Logan box, this time alone. He was giving Cornelius a look and tapping his wristwatch.

Parker came up to me pulling Abderhalden by the reins. He pulled me into a big hug, and as we embraced, I couldn't help but notice Abderhalden nuzzling Patches fondly. "You're so ready for this," Parker said. "I know you. You're going to be absolutely stunning."

"Thanks, Parker. It means everything to me that you're here. You're the one person here I know I can trust."

"It's my honor."

Parker was allowed to stay on the field by Cornelius under the explanation that he was my new coach, taking Boyd's previous duties.

"I'm sorry, we can't wait for Syd any longer," Cornelius was saying, looking at his watch. "We must commence."

"Where is he?" I asked Parker angrily. "He'll make us lose."

"Listen, I'll go and retrieve him," Parker said. "I won't come back unless I have him with me."

He borrowed Cornelius's horse, and galloped off towards the mansion.

"We have to move forward, with or without Syd," Cornelius was saying. "Champions, pick your first event."

"Headin' and Heelin,'" Boyd said, his voice like iron.

"Heading and Heeling will be the first event!" Cornelius announced, and they started to load bulls into the rodeo enclosure.

I tied up Patches and mounted Abderhalden, trying to figure out why Boyd would pick one of the events he had agreed to throw. I could see Boyd and his wife mount their horses and go to the western gate of the bull pen. I approached the eastern gate, looking over my shoulder for any sign of Parker and Syd, but not seeing any.

Cornelius announced, "We are ready to begin. As a reminder, the Heeling partner will not be permitted to Head. The Heading partner will have to join the event in order for their partnership to accrue points."

I frowned, knowing that these instructions were directed towards me. All I could do was wait and hope that Syd would arrive as soon as possible.

"Competitors ready!" Cornelius shouted. "GO!"

The workers pulled both gates open, and three horsed riders entered the bull pens. I lingered around my gate, hoping beyond hope that Syd would appear. I noticed that across the pen, Boyd's wife had burst through the gate and headed towards one of the bulls at top speed, while Boyd idled behind, meandering around the course, doing nothing at all.

His wife turned around to look at him. Her face looked angry, and she started to communicate to him via sign language.

"I'm not gonna push myself when one of our opponent isn't even in the corral," said Boyd, signing at the same time. He turned away from her and just started meandering around the course. She looked angry, and she seemed to have some sort of second point to make. She tried to sign to him, but he wasn't looking at her.

The crowd started to boo at them, as well as at me for just sitting there. I realized that Boyd's inaction was him doing his part of the promise he made, to throw this event.

Boyd gave Syd every opportunity he could, just riding around in circles for a few minutes, before his wife caught his eye and angrily signed something else.

"Alright, alright, yes, I get it, you think we should do this quicker." He had promised us he would only throw an event up to the point where his wife wouldn't be suspicious of him, and I realized he had met this point, and therefore he had accomplished his end of the bargain for his first of the three events he was supposed to throw.

Boyd moved his horse towards one of the bulls, though he still rode slowly, doing his best to throw this event. When he got to the bull, he roped it around the head.

With quick haste, Boyd's annoyed wife rode up and roped the bull around the feet.

"Champions have one!" Cornelius shouted to the crowd, and there was slightly less booing from the crowd.

Before long, even with Boyd moving in slow motion, Cornelius was shouting that they had their second point, and I still saw no sign of Syd. They were going to win unless I intervened.

I noticed they were making their way towards three bulls that were grouped together, and those bulls happened to be closer to my side of the arena. Making a decision, I cantered towards the three animals. I shouted loud and deep at them, running Abderhalden right for them, and they got spooked, and ran away from the Slades. This was working wonderfully, keeping the bulls away from my opponents, and the crowd even stopped booing at me

Unfortunately, Boyd's wife would not take my interference lying down. She shot her horse between me and the bulls, then pulled her horse to a stop, creating a barrier between me and the animals, and staring me down as if daring me to collide with her. I was not going to risk injury to her by behaving recklessly, so I stopped short. I tried to get around her to the right, and she moved with me, blocking me. Moving to the left had same results.

This left Boyd free to chase down the bulls and Head one. As soon as he had, his wife left her position blocking me and zoomed over after him. I pursued, but couldn't reach them until after they had finished Heeling him.

"Champions have three points! One more to go!"

I because beyond desperate. I knew if Syd were in my shoes, he'd just collide with these people. But I wasn't going to risk injury to Boyd's wife, so that was out of the question. Boyd, on the other hand, I had no concern about injuring. But colliding with him could ruin Abderhalden, and I wasn't about to do that.

I got another idea, and pulled out one of the ropes. I zipped Abderhalden right by Boyd, and at the same time, I spun my loop overhead and launched it towards the mocha-skinned cowboy. I caught him around the torso, and I pulled hard.

He looked fiercely at me as the rope clasped over his arms. I tried to yank him off his horse, but I realized he was much too strong for that. Then, he seemed to stop fighting, and let me pull him off his horse. I was sure he had again tried to throw the event while no one would be the wiser. He hit the ground hard, and I still pulled the rope tight, not letting his arms free. The crowd was cheering at this ballsy move.

Suddenly, I saw a rope go down over my head, then felt it pulling my torso and trapping my arms, making the rope that held Boyd slip through my fingers. I turned to see Boyd's wife protecting her territory fiercely, using the exact same move I had just used against her husband on me. I shouldn't have let her out of my sight.

She yanked her rope hard, and I fell off Abderhalden. I used the falling techniques Parker had taught me to roll and land safely.

Boyd climbed back on his horse before I could climb back onto mine, and he shot his rope around one of the bulls' head. Before I could even come up with a plan B, I saw Boyd's wife roping its feet.

"Champions win!" Cornelius shouted, and I saw Jericho cheering.

At that point, I was fuming mad at Syd, and again looked desperately for any sign of him, but saw nothing. I rode out of the bull pen, same as Boyd and his wife did.

"Challengers pick the next event," Cornelius said, not letting me get away with any delay.

"Pole Bending," I said, selecting the only event that didn't require me having a partner.

"Pole Bending!"

The workers started shuffling the bulls out of the arena and setting up the twelve poles needed for my chosen event. When they were done constructing the course, I followed Boyd's wife into the arena, and took my place behind the start line, with her facing the opposite half of the poles.

"Competitors ready! GO!"

This time, I was ready right when Cornelius called it, and exploded off the line into a fast rush with Abderhalden down the first straightaway, past those six poles on my left. Goodness, this horse was like night and day from the unresponsive Curie, I realized as I spun around the last pole and started weaving through the rest of them. When I had raced Curie, I had felt like my mind decided what action I wanted the horse to take, I used my body to translate those desires to my horse, and the horse sometimes listened or didn't. This time, that middle step was being narrowed substantially, until the movements my mind decided on were enacted almost instantaneously by the horse.

I weaved through the six poles, spun around the last pole so I was facing the outside again, and then weaved through the six poles once more. I spun around the farthest pole for the second time and faced the start/finish line. I pushed my heels into Abderhalden's ribs, knowing that we were entering the longest straightaway in the course, and we flew forward at top speed.

As I approached the start line, I saw Boyd's wife to my left, running seemingly just as fast in the opposite direction, clearly a much better rider than Ryan had been. I couldn't tell which one of us crossed the line first, we were going so fast. And then I was in the other half of the course, shooting past the six new poles in this course.

When I got to the last pole, I spun around it and started to weave through. By the time I had gone through six poles and turned around for a second trip through them, my heart was racing, and I felt the adrenaline I always felt when I was pushing myself as hard as I could, amazed that I could even steer and race as fast as I was.

I hit the final straightaway and started to race towards the finish line. This time, I could see Boyd's wife doing the same on her half of the course, but I knew that I was well ahead of her.

I crossed the line, and some limited applause came up.

"Challengers win!" Cornelius shouted.

I suddenly became disappointed that Parker wasn't there to congratulate me, or to even bear witness to my amazing performance. I tried to remember this wasn't about my pride, it was about my family.

I got off Abderhalden and tied him up to the side, knowing I'd no longer need him. Cornelius called the three of us to him.

"Champions pick the next event."

Boyd was quick to speak up. "Calf Ropin.'"

"Calf Roping!"

The workers took down the poles and shuffled calves into the pen. Clearly Boyd was going to pick all three of the events he was supposed to throw to start with, knowing that without Syd around, him throwing the events was meaningless, since we couldn't possibly win them. It was extremely frustrating to watch what was supposed to be our ace in the hole be squandered, stomped on.

I glared at Boyd as I watched him strip down to just his boots, belt buckle, chaps and hat, then get up on his horse with his similarly dressed wife behind him. Just a couple days ago, it was me up there naked with him, and he certainly never said anything about a significant other. Luckily, I hated him too much to feel any sort of jealousy, same as how I felt when I saw Syd with one of his many playthings.

I striped down to just my shoes and jumped on Patches, and led him over to the eastern gate of the pen.

"Competitors ready? GO!"

The gates flew open, and I led Patches into the calf pen. Across from me, Boyd and his wife entered on their horse, while once again, Boyd was painfully slow and meandering.

As soon as the gate closed behind me, Cornelius shouted at me. "That is a breach of the rules! Mr. Groves, you are not allowed to hold those reins or sit in the front of the saddle!"

I stopped the horse, dropped the reins, and sat back in my saddle as I pondered any way to disrupt this event. Across the ring from me, Boyd and his wife were arguing again as he continued to refuse to ride anywhere at anything but a snail's pace. And in the stands, boos started raining down on us, with various trash being chucked our way. Clearly, they had no tolerance for any slow burn type of event. These people would make the worst baseball or golf spectators I could imagine.

A calf happened to roam over into the roping range of Boyd's wife, and almost instantly, she had it by the neck, handing the rope to Boyd. She jumped off the horse and tied it down.

"Champions have one," Cornelius announced.

Then luck smiled on me: another calf wandered into my roping range. I pulled out my rope, swung it over my head, and then carefully threw it, tightening the loop around the bovine's head. I started to climb off the horse.

"You'll violate the rules if you get off the horse while holding the rope," Cornelius said.

That meant I was stuck on the horse, wishing and hoping that Syd would show up. Unless...

I tied the spoke to Patches's saddle horn, and then I climbed down off the horse. This time, Cornelius didn't have anything to say about my behavior. Patches somehow knew to hold the calf steady as I ran over and tied it down.

"One point for the competitors!"

Some of the crowd even cheered for me, surely appreciative of my ingenuity. I got back on the horse, and waited for another calf to wander towards me.

Across the pen, Boyd's wife was getting extremely frustrated at Boyd's ridiculously slow pace, but they were approaching another calf.

On my side of the pen, a calf did wander my way finally. But it ended up just a couple yards out of my range, not coming any closer. I hoped for some change, but nothing happened.

Boyd finally entered range of their second calf, and the wife tossed her lasso one more time, roping it easily. She started to get off and run towards it on the ground.

Something occurred to me, something that I wasn't sure would be permitted, but I had to try. Cornelius had told me I wasn't allowed to hold the reins or sit in the front of the saddle, but what if I managed to ride without those? I had seen Syd and Boyd do this feat in the Flag Pulling event, after all.

I tried to mimic what I had seen them do, using just my legs to communicate to Patches from the rear. It worked, he quickly moved forwards a few yards. That was all the wiggle room I needed. I had the calf around the neck in no time.

"Champions have their second!" I heard just as I was on the ground, running towards my calf.

"Challengers have their second!" And once again, there was a smattering of applause for me, and I felt suddenly giddy as I realized my new strategy wasn't a breach of the rules.

When I got back on my horse, I looked around, all but certain that there were no more calves close to me. In order to get my last two, I would have to properly turn Patches to the right and increase his velocity. I watched Boyd meander towards his next target at a snail's pace, and knew I still might have a shot at winning, even without a partner.

I concentrated on using my legs to try and direct Patches to the right, just as Boyd had taught me to the first time we rode. How wonderful to be able to use his techniques against him. Patches responded to me much more fluidly than I expected, almost eerily understanding my intentions. I got him to turn and face the nearest calf, then trot towards it.

I rejoiced as soon as I was near enough to throw my rope and catch the calf around the neck. I tied the rope to the saddle horn, and started to dismount.

"Champions have their third one! One more to go!"

Holy crap, I had been so wrapped up in my own work, I hadn't noticed Boyd and his wife had gotten within range of their next one. Trying not to panic, I ran to my calf and tied it quickly.

"Challengers have three!"

I mounted Patches as fast as I possibly could, found the last calf, and this time made Patches flat out run towards it, throwing the cautiously slow approach to the wind, feeling confident in my horse's ability to understand me, even while being in the back. Boyd was much closer than I was, but he was going so slowly, I really had a shot.

I cut off Boyd just as he rode into range of the last calf, and started to swing my rope overhead. Enraged, Boyd's wife switched the course of her rope from the blocked calf's head to my own head. But I had learned not to turn my back on her, and this time, I saw her just soon enough to duck down and let the rope sail over my head.

I sat back up normally again, got my rope in the air one more, threw it, and landed it around the neck of the calf. I felt pure jubilation as I tied the rope to the saddle horn and got off, running towards the calf. I tied it down faster than ever.

"Challengers win! Challengers ahead two to one!"

The crowd gave me gentle applause for winning solo, something even I didn't think I had a chance of accomplishing. Though, of course, I would have never won if Boyd hadn't thrown his part of the event.

Cornelius called us back out of the pen again, and none of us bothered to put our clothes back on. "Challengers turn to pick."

I desperately looked around for Syd, but he was nowhere to be found. I thought about which event we still had to do that I thought we had no chance of winning based on our performance in the last rodeo.

"Bull Wrestling," I said.

"Bull Wrestling!" The workers removed the calves and started to bring in their fathers.

Boyd and his wife looked surprised that I would chose an event in which I wouldn't be allowed to even touch the bulls myself, but what they didn't realize was that I was willing to just call the event a loss, knowing that with Syd's need for grandstanding, and Boyd's quick skill at this event, there was no way we would have ever won it. I knew if I could do anything here, it would be to delay them as much as I could, to give Syd time to appear for the next event.

And at least I could steer Patches more naturally, sitting in the front, with reins in my hands. I lined him up at the eastern gate while Boyd and his wife lined up across the pen from me.

"Competitors ready? GO!"

The gates flew open, and I rode Patches into the pen, trying to figure out my next move. I looked across the enclosure at the other horse entered the bull pen as well. Boyd's wife, filled with pent up annoyance at her husband's lazy performance in their past two shared events, in contrast made the horse just fly towards their nearest bull. And it almost shocked me to see Boyd behave for the first time outside the requirement to throw an event, because he absolutely leapt off that horse like a superhero, slammed into the bull, and took the poor animal down within seconds, moving with a sick efficiency that Syd never had a concept of.

"Champions have one!"

I started to move Patches towards the other horse on the other side of the pen, but by the time I actually caught up with them, they had their second point, and Boyd was jumping back on his mount. I looked around for the next nearest bull, and saw that Boyd's wife had seen it as well. She started to head for it, but I rode Patches more swiftly than her, moving in between their horse and the bull. Patches was taller than their female Clydesdale, so I was able to block Boyd from jumping onto the bovine.

Boyd's wife tried to get around me, but I watched her body language to give me a heads up on her intentions. I was able to keep her at bay.

"If you don't move, you're going to regret it!" Boyd shouted at me. "I'm warning you now, Jake!"

Of course Boyd's warnings meant nothing to me.

Suddenly, Boyd jumped off his horse straight for me, and at first I thought he was trying to vault over me onto the bull. But he wouldn't ever have had the jump distance required to do that. Instead, he landed with a huge bump onto my horse, on the saddle behind me, where Syd was supposed to be. I was infuriated.

He grabbed me from behind, putting his arms around me and digging his nails into my chest, his body pressed up against my own. It was a twisted mockery of all the riding practice we had done together on that very same horse in that very same provocative position. I fought him off hard, refusing to let him beat me like that, but he used his huge muscles to wrestle me. I could feel his huge dick get semi-stiff as he pushed it into my crack threateningly as he overpowered my body from behind.

Eventually, no matter how hard I fought back, he was able to use his vampire strength to push me off the horse. It was the highest I had ever fallen from a horse because Patches was so big, and though I tried to do the technique that Parker had taught me, Boyd had a grip on my foot when he tossed me off, and that kept me from rolling.

I landed on the ground hard, not enough to injure myself, but enough to knock the wind out of me and have everything go black for a moment. People in the stands were finally cheering Boyd as he did this, I could hear.

I could see Boyd was trying to steer Patches away from me, likely riding him across the arena. But Patches, usually so good natured, suddenly jumped and reared and shook violently, refusing Boyd as a rider. Boyd had to jump back off onto his own horse in order not to be fall off, and his wife shot off around Patches towards the next bull, with Boyd quickly jumping off onto the animal.

"Champions have three!"

I stuck my head up and tried to catch my breath, coughing, as the wind got knocked out of me. I realized that three angry bulls were rushing at me on the ground, their body language suggesting they were all too eager to gore me. I tried to lift myself off the ground, but only fell back to the earth, light headed.

Thank goodness Patches came in, angrily snorted and stomped, and circled me, keeping me safe from the bulls with his intimidating size.

I recovered and got to my feet, but by the time I got back on the horse, I heard, "Champions win! Champions and Challengers tied two each!"

When we rode back over to Cornelius, he told us that it was the Slades' turn to pick, and I knew before he opened his mouth what he would say.

"Axe throwin.'"

"Axe throwing!"

They removed the bulls and started setting up the targets. There was no way I'd be able to win this one without Syd present, and that's what Boyd was counting on.

I got off Patches and watched with eerie disquiet as they set up the target with my silhouette on it.

"By random order, Boyd will throw first," Cornelius said. "Boyd, please take your spot on the line. Clara will need to stand on her target." I surmised that Clara was the first name of Boyd's wife.

I watched Clara walk to her target without any sign of anxiety as Boyd lined up behind that thirty foot line. Boyd picked out his axe and threw it quickly, without taking anytime to line up the shot. It landed on the very outside left of the target, half in the white paint, and half embedded in the unpainted outside wood.

"Zero points!" Cornelius said.

Clara signed angrily to Boyd as she walked away from her target.

"I ain't gonna hurt you, Clara. That's why." I wondered what Clara would think if she knew her husband had agreed to throw this event.

She signed again, but Boyd turned his back on her.

"Syd's turn to throw is next," Cornelius said. "Mr. Groves, take your place on the board. I'll permit waiting for Syd to be ready for three minutes."

I walked over to my target and stood against it as Cornelius looked down at his watch. As nothing happened, people booed in the audience, turned off by the tedium.

"Time has expired, and Syd gets zero points," Cornelius said finally.

I stomped away from the target and off to the side.

"Clara will be throwing next," he said.

Boyd took his spot on his target while Clara walked to the fifteen foot line, an axe in her hand. She took some time to line up her shot carefully, and then threw the axe. Boyd never flinched as the blade came spinning towards him.

It landed directly to the right of Boyd's hip. She was good; she had made use of that black space around the outline of his body.

"Four points!" Cornelius said, and I looked carefully until I saw the blade was just a bit into the red space. There seemed to be almost no normal way of getting all black, unless one cut their partner, or could find a way to make use of the black in their crotch.

There was no congratulations for Clara, both she and Boyd left their spots as seriously as they came in.

"Mr. Groves, you have the stage. Once again, I'll give Syd three minutes to appear."

I angrily grabbed my axe, went to my sweet spot seventeen feet back, and watched the target, praying Syd would appear. If we got a zero here, I could not conceive of us winning this event. Which would mean we would have to win the last two events to win the competition, a highly unlikely feat.

"Thirty seconds more and you'll fail to score," Cornelius said.

"Goddamn, don't these folks know, Syd Logan never fails to score?" said a voice dripping with familiar sexual innuendo.

I turned desperately towards the voice, and saw Syd being led in on horseback by Parker, who was also on horse. But I didn't have time to celebrate.

"Syd, you have twenty seconds to get naked and get on that target!" I yelled.

"No one can strip their clothes off faster than Syd Logan," he said, ripping his clothes off and then thrusting his soft but ample dick towards the crowd. "But for the ladies out there who are interested, I can take my clothes off a whole lot slower than this on request, I guarantee it."

"Syd, get on the board!"

"Ten seconds left."

He ran in the direction of the board, and plastered himself onto it in a blink of an eye.

"Will still be disqualified," Cornelius warned. "Five seconds."

"Syd, your cigarette!" I yelled..

He spit it out, and I threw the axe just as Cornelius said one second left. The axe landed in the same area that Clara got her axe into, just to the right of his hip.

"Four points! We're all tied at the end of the first round! Boyd and Clara, please take your positions."

Syd and I walked off the field, over to where Parker was standing.

"Nice shot!" Parker said. "What's the overall score so far?"

"Two events to two events."

"How could you possibly manage to win two events without Syd?" Parker asked, mystified.

"I only did through miraculous means," I said.

"We're split even?" Syd asked. "See, bro? I told ya he would do just fine without me."

"No, I did not do just fine without you. I have been barely scrapped by, have already fallen off my horse twice, and almost got ran over by angry bulls!"

"Jake, please tell me you're not hurt," Parker urged, panic in his voice.

"By the grace of God, not yet."

"Well, don't get pissed off at me prematurely until you hear what exactly was keepin' me."

"Unless you just used the time to save the a bunch of orphan kids from certain and horrible death, I don't want to hear it."

"Even more important than that."

"I found him in bed with Enid, I'm afraid," Parker said. "Had to literally drag him here."

"You were late all this time because you were screwing someone?!"

"But wait till you hear all the insane sexual positions we were doin.'"

"Syd, don't say another word. Not another word."

I noticed what Parker had been doing since I approached him. "Parker, why on Earth are you covering your eyes with your fingers?"

"I'm trying to be a gentleman," he said.

"It's yer nudity," Syd said, laughing. "Afraid God will light you on fire if you see Jake's private parts, is that it, Parker?"

"You know I don't believe in God," Parker said. "Just want to show some respect to a friend."

"You don't have to cover your eyes, Parker," I said.

He turned to the side, then pulled his fingers off and looked away from me, where he still wouldn't have been able to see my nudity.

"Woo-hoo!" I turned to see Enid running towards us, dressed in her barely there underwear and stilettos, carrying several beers. "Go team!"

"What is she doing here?" I asked Syd angrily.

"I brought the beer!" she said, trying to pass out her drinks to the three of us. Parker and I refused quickly.

"Yeah, right on, darlin!'" Syd said to her as he reached for a beer.

I stepped in between her and him. "No way is he drinking again during the competition! You keep your illicit substances to yourself, you hear me?"

"But YOU could use the beer more than anyone," she said.

"I'm sorry, who is this?" Cornelius asked. "She's not allowed on the field. She'll have to sit in the audience with everyone else."

"Aw, come on," she said.

"What if I told ya she was my coach? Just like Parker's supposed to be Jake's coach?" Syd asked.

Cornelius raised an eyebrow. "Well, she would be permitted."

"She's so not his coach, that's ridiculous. I mean, come on, look at her!"

"He's a lying bastard, my sole purpose in life is to coach equestrian competitions."

Syd elbowed her. "The rodeo."

"Well, duh. Yes, the rodeo, I mean."

Cornelius squinted. "I'll allow her as long as she remains under the normal Logan rodeo mentor guidelines."

"Honey, I wrote those guidelines myself," she snapped in Cornelius's face.

"Well, since they've been in place for over ninety years, I'd say you look pretty good for your age, Miss," Cornelius said.

"Thank you, I moisturize."

"Enough with the distractions," Cornelius said. "Boyd, please go ahead."

Boyd threw his axe at Clara's target, and once again, it landed in the outside perimeter.

"Zero once again," Cornelius announced.

As those two walked off the field, Clara hit Boyd, and angrily signed something.

"Alright, alright, I promise not to be so careful next time."

"Syd is up," Cornelius said.

"Not right now, but he was up just a few minutes ago," Enid commented. "Boy, was he ever up."

"I don't believe that's the kind of `up' he's referring to, my dear," Parker said.

"Oh, got it."

I sighed, and said to Parker, "There's no chance I'll be able to find any newfound trust for Syd that wasn't there in the last competition, especially since he was such a flake today. I don't know why I even bother going up there."

"Well, don't bother," Parker said, still not looking at me.

"What do you mean?"

"If you know for sure that you'll flinch..."

"I do."

"Then why put yourself through the risk of injury needlessly? Just tell Cornelius you two forfeit this round."

"Thanks Parker."

I went over to Cornelius and told him exactly that.

"The challengers forfeit this round!" he yelled.

"We do?" Syd asked, dumbfounded. "What? Why?"

"Clara is up!" Cornelius said.

As Clara and Boyd started to take their spots, Syd came over to me. "Jakey, I think we need our secret weapon I so brilliantly came up with last time."

"You mean me throwing at the space between your thighs and scoring five points for it?"

"Yup."

"I agree."

"Wait a second, you actually threw your axes last time right for Syd's privates?" Parker asked. "And, Syd actually came up with this plan himself?"

"Don't be an idiot, bro. It requires my Texas dick being hard as a pokin' rod, so that it's safely outta the way. Jakey, hurry up and get me hard."

"You cannot seriously be asking him to do that," Parker said.

I shook my head. "You are SO capable of getting hard on your own."

"That's right," Parker said, deadest on not having Syd exploit me again.

"If you don't make me hard, then you can settle for four measly points, Jakey."

"How about if I throw at your dick, and if you make it hard, you'll keep me from cutting it off?"

"I'm positive if he had a choice between losing his dick and getting an erection in a hurry, he'd get an erection faster than any man in history," Parker said.

"Nope, uh-uh, I'm not playin' by those rules," Syd said. "Either you get me hard, or yer not throwing at my unit. And if you do any sort of damage to me down there, you can count me out for finishing this or any other rodeo."

I groaned. "How come she doesn't help you out?" I asked, pointing at Enid. "As long as she's here might as well have her make herself useful."

"Oh yeah, she can get me aroused in front of all these folks who think we're engaged, that would go off just dreamily."

"Fine, I'll do it," I said.

"Don't agree to his degradations, Jake," Parker urged.

"I have to."

"That's real smart of ya, Jakey," he said. "Now get on yer knees and give me some oral lovin.'"

"Syd, you can't be serious," Parker said.

I just couldn't imagine doing something like that in front of Parker.

"No, I'm not going to do that. How about you just bite me instead?" I asked.

"Ooo, even better. Turn around."

I turned around, and tried to brace myself as I felt him molest me from behind, putting his arms around me, pulling me back against his naked body, and putting his face against my throat. I heard him inhaling through the nose, taking in my scent. Next thing I knew, I could feel his teeth erect, and I shut my eyes, knowing what was coming next.

I felt that quick pain of the bite followed by the soothing sexual pleasure of the thing. I got angry with myself as my dick responded to this sexual degradation, getting a bit hard, even though I knew it was almost an automatic function with these vampire bites, and had little bearing on my attraction to the vampire.

Syd lustfully sucked my blood down behind me, while at the same time, fondling my pecs in his hands as if they were a woman's breasts. I felt his cock get hard and push against my buttcrack.

Parker pulled him away from me. "That's more than enough," he said. "You don't want poor Jake to be woozy from blood loss, do you?"

I was happy that Parker was able to separate us, because Syd's bite had a trancelike effect on me that made me slower to respond.

Syd looked angrily at his brother. "Oh, we wouldn't want that, would we?" he asked in a mocking tone. He licked my wound angrily, healing it. I looked down, and it had worked beautifully; Syd's dick was pointing towards the sky.

A quick glance back to throwing line, and Clara let loose her axe towards Boyd on the board. She did the exact same hit that she had done before, landing it just to the right of his hip.

"Four points for the champions!" Cornelius announced. "Mr. Groves is up."

I grabbed my axe and walked to the seventeen foot line while Syd took his spot on his target.

Enid stumbled drunkenly forward. "Alright, Syd, you're up," she said. "I think he's gonna throw a curveball."

"This is not baseball," Parker said to her.

I blocked out the noise, and concentrated on lining up my shot carefully and precisely. Last time I had been rushed, but that was not the case with my second throw. After I felt confident, I pulled back my right arm, pushed it forward, and released the axe handle.

I watched at the blade spin towards Syd's crotch. It landed perfectly between his legs, just to the left of his big balls. The audience cheered.

"Five points!" Cornelius yelled. "At the end of the second round, challengers are up, nine to eight!"

"Nice throw!" Parker said, still looking to the side as he came up and pat me on the back.

"Yeah! That's my fiancé!" Syd yelled loud enough for everyone else to hear it as he left the area.

"Boyd's up!" Cornelius announced.

Boyd took his spot at the thirty foot line and his wife on her target. She signed something to him.

"I know, I know," he said. "I told ya I wouldn't play it safe already, and I meant it."

He lined up his shot, and threw it. This time, the axe was much closer to her body, and was a clear four point hit. I started to fume, counting on him throwing his part of this event.

Before I could complain, the axe fell out of the target. He hadn't thrown it hard enough to stick, and I realized it must have been intentional.

"No points!" Cornelius said.

Boyd's wife gave him a look.

"Sorry, I just didn't throw it hard enough," he said.

"Three strikes, and yooouuuuur out!" Enid screamed at him.

"I told you, this is NOT baseball," Parker told her.

"Don't believe him," Syd said. "If this isn't baseball, how come I just got to second base with Jakey a few seconds ago?"

"Syd's up," Cornelius said.

"We forfeit again."

"Mrs. Slade is up, then," Cornelius said.

"We can still win this if we use the same technique they just did," Boyd said to her. "You throw at the space between my thighs."

She nodded, and started walking up to the line. With her back to us, Boyd paused by me as he was walking to the field. "Missed a spot," he said, and before I could stop him, he leaned in and licked up a bit of blood that had stuck to my throat after Syd finished his degradation of me (as if that ever really finished). I jumped away, and Boyd smiled as his soft unit grew hard, while at the same time, so did his fangs. "Damn, you taste so good."

"Get off of him, Mr. Slade," Parker said, pushing Boyd away angrily. "Touch him again, and you'll have me to deal with, is that clear?"

Boyd walked up his target, lined his body up with his silhouette, and Clara readied herself at her line. She threw the axe, and it landed between his newly free legs.

"Five points! Champions end up with 13 points! Mr. Grove's turn at the line!"

I walked over to my line as Syd took his spot on his target.

"Oh, that's totally wrong," Enid said. "I'm throwing the coach's challenge flag."

All she had on her was a cocktail napkin, so she threw that at Cornelius.

"What is that supposed to mean?" he asked her.

"I'm challenging that call."

"You can't challenge anything, I'm the official here."

"No way, that's bunk," she said. "I want the guys in the booth to do an instant replay. No way that chick got more than two points."

"We don't have any guys in any booths, and I don't know what an instant replay is, but if you're suggesting she's able to re-do the throw, it's not going to happen."

"What kind of official doesn't know what an instant replay is? It's when the cameras review the last play!"

"We don't have any cameras," he said. "And my word is the final say here. I promise you, the point total is accurate."

"How much did she pay you to say that?!"

"Just ignore her, Cornelius, she's just fucking with ya," Syd said as he took his spot.

I lined up my shot towards Syd's crotch. Luckily, he was just as excited as last time.

I threw my axe, and it perfectly landed again in the space between Syd's legs.

"Five points! Challengers win this event!"

The crowd cheered, all except Jericho, who fumed in his box.

"Yes!" I said happily. "Thank you!" I looked up towards God.

"Yeah!" Enid shouted. "Home team wins! Losers go home!"

"There is no home team, and this in their home," Parker told her before coming up to congratulate me while he continued to look sideways, embarrassed. "Your aim is incredible."

"Thanks to all the practice you put me through," I told him.

"Just one more event to win, now."

"Challenger's turn to pick!"

"Flag Pullin!'" Syd said. "With Jakey as my partner, I LOVE that one!"

"Flag Pulling!" Cornelius shouted, and the workers started setting up the poles, ropes, and flags required for the event.

"I don't know why you would pick such a ridiculous event," Parker said.

"I have an announcement to make regarding the Flag Pulling event," Cornelius said. "Because our esteemed Governor was grossly unsatisfied with the event in the last competition, he has made a last minute rule change."

"Which is?" Boyd asked.

"Neither team will be allowed to ride their own horses in this event. Instead, two boosted, virgin Clydesdales will be used. The teams have been assigned these horses based on my own random selection."

"That's wholly inequitable," Parker said. "We should have been notified ahead of time about the rule change in order to prepare."

"Yeah, what he said," Enid complained.

"This is not against the rules," Cornelius said. "The Governor is allowed to make changes to the game as long those changes are being made equally to both teams, and as long as both teams have been notified of the changes at the same time. In this case, both criteria have been satisfied."

"Well, it just adds unneeded danger to all parties involved," Parker complained.

"I fully agree," Cornelius said. "But there's nothing I can do. Anyone who does not wish to endanger themselves can opt to forfeit this event."

Parker approached me. "I want you to think very seriously about doing just that. These two horses I'm sure have been produced by Jericho himself, hard wired to throw off all riders."

"I understand," I said. "If Syd had been on time, we wouldn't be in this position now, and I'd opt out of this one for sure. But I can't afford to throw this one away. I have to at least try."

Once the flag course was finished, they loaded the two giant horses into the same containment pens they used for the Bull Riding, cages whose four walls held the horses tightly, making them unable to move. Syd and I made our way towards one of the horses, while Boyd and Clara went for the other one.

When we hot to the top of the cage looking down, it became obvious that they picked out two of biggest Clydesdales there were. Still, this one wasn't as big as Patches or Jericho's beast, which were at the far end of the spectrum.

They tied Syd's hands behind him with rope, and he got on the saddle first, positioning himself in the back half. I got in next, sitting facing Syd and the horse's tail, my body in the front of the saddle.

"You can't sit like that when we start," Syd said. "You need to be on me."

"I know."

I climbed up onto Syd's body, wrapping my arms and legs around him until he was fully supporting me. "I was goin' limp a bit ago, but all it takes is a little touching from yer hot body, Jakey, and I'm hard as a rock again."

As he said that, I could feel his penis harden beneath me, pushing against my perineum, helping lift me up just like it did last time.

"Don't forget, we're not going to try for the hardest flag first this time," I said, enunciating clearly to make sure he understood.

"Got it."

"Competitors ready!"

I grabbed on hard to Syd's body.

"Go!"

They pulled aside the front wall of the horse cage, and the horse hurried out into the arena. Immediately, the animal started to buck and shake, and I almost fell off. I held onto Syd as hard as I could.

"Syd, don't you dare fall off," I said, feeling him bounce and shake underneath me as the horse jumped around.

"I'm tryin,' Jakey. You just hold on."

"It's really, really hard for me to hold on like this."

Syd looked over on the other side of the enclosure at Boyd and Clara on their horse. "How come Clara looks like ten times more stable than Jakey here?" he asked Enid and Parker.

"Cause he's screwing her!" Enid shouted.

I turned my head to look, and I was shocked to see Boyd's steel hard rod was actually inside Clara's vagina, all the way in, in fact, as only the bottom of his stalk was visible, just above his balls, and her labia looked stretched from its large girth. It was keeping her body steady.

"Jake, they have all kinds of upper edge on us unless we do that too," Syd said. "I can easily reposition my lovestick so that it's inside yer rosebud."

"Don't agree to that, Jake!" Parker yelled. "Don't let him spit on your honor like that!"

"Come on, Jakey, we'd win for sure if we'd do that."

"No, not going to happen," I said. "I'm not going to do that."

"I think you'd like it if ya only tried it out, Jakey."

"No!"

"Fine."

"Just steer towards one of the flags!"

"What do you think I've been tryin' to do here since this event started? This horse really ain't listening."

"Well, keep trying."

For about five minutes, neither team was able to steer their horses. By chance, their horse moved under two flags, which they pulled, and our horse moved under just one, which I collected.

A few minutes in, both Boyd and Syd started learning to conquer the horses bucking beneath their thighs, and very slowly, they seemed to start to be able to subtlety steer the horses towards flags. We both started grabbing down flags, but Boyd and Clara were the first to six, and afterwards, they were required to change positions, with her pivoting around to face the front. With her body being impaled on Boyd, it wasn't so difficult for her to manage the front position, and they continued in their slow but steady pulling.

When we finally collected our sixth flag, I too was required to spin around and face the front. The actual act of turning around wasn't much of a problem for me. However, as soon as I was facing that direction, the bumping horse combined with me not being able to hold onto Syd with my arms and legs made me feel like I was on a high wire, certain to hurdle to my doom at any moment.

"I'm going to fall."

"I told ya I should have my dick so far up yer butt, it would pop up through your throat and into yer mouth for you to lick. That would keep ya steady. It's not too late, I can still stick it in."

"Absolutely not, Syd."

"Way to assert yourself, Jake!" Parker yelled.

I actually got to a place where I started to feel like I might be able to see the event through without falling off. But before we could collect anymore flags, Boyd came at us with his horse, slamming these massive equines into each other. Everyone knew the hit was imminent, and they all braced themselves for impact. Nobody fell off...

...except for me. Clara remained firmly on her horse, purely due to Boyd's extra special help, and because I had none of that from Syd, I didn't have a prayer. I fell off the horse.

"Jake!" Parker yelled, clearly in anxious distress.

I remembered Parker's lesson and rolled when I landed.

"Champions have more flags, therefore they win this event! We're all tied going into the last event!"

Parker jumped over the fence and raced into the arena towards me. "Jake, please tell me you're okay," he said, panic in his voice.

"I'm okay, thanks to that lesson you gave me in falling," I said, sitting up.

He helped me to my feet, still looking away from my nudity shyly.

"Set up for Bull Riding!" Cornelius shouted.

Vampires pushed the horses back into their cages, which allowed the three others to dismount. They took the horses away underneath the stands, and in their places, brought out two humongous, boosted bulls.

I put my clothes back on at the soonest opportunity, handing Syd his own clothes.

"I don't need `em," he said, waving them off.

"Bull Riding is a clothed event."

"But the crowds like it better when my clothes are off."

"Syd, can I remind you that this is our last event. This whole competition is riding on your shoulders. Please, please don't screw it up."

"When have I ever screwed anything up?" Before I could start to respond, he said, "Never mind, I don't wanna hear it."

"Just remember to do everything you can to win the event. Don't concern yourself with impressing the audience."

He didn't seem to listen to that advice as he walked over to get on one of the bulls, as Boyd took the same position on the other bull. I noticed Boyd hadn't gotten dressed either, possibly as a way to prove he would not be outdone by his opponent.

Parker approached me looking straight at me for the first time since I had been undressed. "Boy, I hate the notion that the fate of your entire family rests in the fickle hands of my ostentatious brother."

"I wish I was allowed to get on my knees, pull my cross out and pray properly, but since I'm not, I'll just be internally pleading for God's interventions as long as the event lasts."

Once both cowboys were sitting on their respective bulls, Cornelius yelled, "Competitors ready! GO!"

They opened the two gates, and both of the bulls went riding into the arena, furiously trying to unseat their riders. Immediately, Syd began grabbing his hat with his right hand and waving it around in the air, showing off. It made me angry. Luckily, as soon as Boyd saw him, he did the exact same maneuver. Both of them looked really solid on their bulls, clearly they were equally highly skilled at the event.

"Yeah, go offense!" Enid shouted.

"Syd isn't a part of an offense," Parker told her.

"Yeah, go defense then! Time to blitz!"

"There's not a defense either," Parker told her. "There are no sides to speak of."

"Go team, then!" she shouted.

"No team either. Maybe you should just be silent and let him think."

When enough time had passed, Cornelius announced that they were free to use ropes, but Boyd didn't seem to hear him. Syd quickly used that to his advantage, spinning a rope overhead, with Boyd just starting to pull out his rope only as a reaction to his opponent.

Syd threw his rope's loop towards Boyd, and for a second I thought he would land his shot. But somehow Boyd was able to actually steer his bull slightly to the right, just out of the range of Syd's shot. When Syd started to recover his rope, Boyd swept in with his own shot, easily landing Syd around his body. He quickly pulled the spoke, tightening the loop until it enclosed his upper half, making Syd drop his rope to the ground.

"No, no, no," I said. "Please, no."

Behind me, I felt Parker's anxious hand grab my arm.

Boyd pulled and yanked at the rope, and all Syd could do was try to fight against him and hope not to be knocked off his bull for as long as possible. I could see his naked, muscular thighs squeezing the sides of the bull with all his might. His dick, which had been hard as he started the event, had turned limp during this tough struggle.

Several times it almost looked like Boyd pulled him off, with Parker and me gasping, but Syd somehow remained on his bull. And then we saw he had worked his arms loose from the loop of Boyd's constricting rope, which meant he would be able to hold onto the bull not only with his legs, but with his hands as well. But with his rope on the ground wasted, it seemed like Syd would at best only manage to stay in the game, unless Boyd managed to fall off his bull completely on his own.

But Syd never used his freed hands to hold on; instead he offensively grabbed the rope and started pulling it, trying to get it away from Boyd. Boyd would have none of that, he grabbed the rope hard in his own strong hands, and the two of them started to play a sort of tug of war.

The amount of time that the two of them carried on like that, with both of them pulling at their end of the rope, was a testament to how evenly matched they were in terms of strength. Both of their cut arm muscles were absolutely pushed to the edge. And then, finally, Syd seemed to start to get the upper hand, as Boyd's arms started to slowly tire.

At that point, the smart thing for Boyd to have done would have been to call it a loss, drop the rope, and keep riding on. Instead, vanity got the best of Boyd. He never stopped holding onto that rope and fighting Syd for dominance, even when Syd had pulled it sharply towards him.

Still hanging on, Boyd was pulled off the bull entirely, and ended up falling to the ground.

"Challengers win this event and the entire competition!" Cornelius shouted, and the crowd gave into applause.

I was jumping up and down happily, thanking God a dozen times in my head as Parker happily congratulated me.

Boyd picked himself up off the ground and walked over to Jericho's box. "I'm sorry, Mr. Governor. I tried my darnedest to win."

"I don't give a shit about intentions or trying hard," Jericho said down to him. "All I care about is success. You have disappointed me mightily today." He turned his back on Boyd and left his box.

Boyd looked absolutely traumatized as he stormed off without a word still naked, his wife hurrying after him.

"Yeah, you make your old coach proud, Syd!" Enid said as she jumped into Syd's arms and straddled his naked body with her legs.

"Never had a coach show their mentee appreciation in quite that manor before," Cornelius said. He got on his horse and rode back.

The workers quickly put away the bulls, and they left just as fast as the crowds in the stands did.

"I'd better hear some appreciation, Jakey," Syd said as he put on his clothes. "You didn't think I could pull that one off, did ya?"

"Don't even start, Syd," Parker cut in. "You may have won the last event, but overall this competition was triumphed due to one person and one person only, and that's poor Jake. If you had been here on time, this rodeo wouldn't have even been close. Jake, you should have seen these two when I barged into Syd's room. On second thought, I'd never wish that sight on anyone."

"Parker here sure was a whole lot more aggressive than he has been since, um, well, ever," Syd said. "It was actually kind of awesome."

"I'd do anything for Jake," Parker said.

"Well, ya certainly were more than willing to barge into my room after I told ya not to come in. And then when you saw what we were up to, and I told ya I couldn't stop until we came, you were more than willing to physically pull me off of Enid."

"Not my proudest moment, but once again, I'd do anything for Jake." It was all rather touching to have him say that about me. "If you hadn't been in your room, or if you'd been passed out drunk or something, I was prepared to put on your clothes and do the rodeo myself."

Syd guffawed. "Oh please, that would never have snowball's chance in hell of workin.'"

"Syd, the two of you look like twins, you know that, right?" Enid asked.

"Sure it would have worked," Parker said. "The Slades don't know either of us well enough to know the differentiation, and everyone else was too far away to be able to see the disparity. Cornelius would have seen through it, but I don't think he would have cared."

"Oh yeah? And what would have happened as soon as you were required to take your clothes off, and they saw ol' Syd had a fake leg. They know I'm no cripple, bro."

"They let you leave your chaps on during the naked events," Parker said. "The Slades were wearing those. I'd wear them too, and they would have concealed my leg."

"Listen, I don't care how similar you make them think you look to me. There's no way in hell you would ever, ever be able to imitate me."

"Oh come on, it's not that hard to do."

"No way. I'd be able to imitate you, but not vice versa."

"I think we have a challenge coming on," Enid said happily. "To settle this once and for all. Both of you switch clothes, and do your best impressions of each other. Jake and I will judge who is better."

"You're on," Syd said as he took off his hat and then started to rip off his cowboy shirt. "I can out Parent Trap Parker any day of the week."

"Oh, I suppose it couldn't hurt," Parker said. He took off his hat, untied his tie, and removed his suit jacket. Parker was folding all of his nice clothes neatly as he removed them. Soon, he was just in his white t-shirt, suit pants, and shoes. He pulled his t-shirt off, showing off that gorgeously muscled, tan upper body.

"Jake and Enid, look away," he said after he removed his shoes.

I respectfully turned my head to the side, while Enid said, "I'm physically incapable of ripping my eyes away from hot naked guys, sorry."

"I'm not getting naked, I have my boxers on."

"Aww."

I heard him undo his belt, unzip his pants, and pull them off.

"Eew, I can totally see Parker's gigantic penis through the thin material of his boxers!" Enid shouted out, and I felt extremely jealous.

"That's it!" Parker said angrily.

"Whoa, where'd he go?" Enid asked.

"You sneaking peeks at his package caused him so much consternation, he spontaneously combusted," Syd said.

"If I knew I had that effect on men, I can think of a long list of enemies I'd like to go back and stare at their Johnsons."

"No, he's invisible," Syd said.

"Wow, can all vampires do that?" Enid asked.

"No, it's my special ability," Parker said.

"What's your special ability, Syd?" Enid asked. "X-ray vision?"

"Are you really askin' after I held you upside down this morning and gave ya yer first taste of a vertical sixty-nine?"

"Your skill's got Parker's lame one trumped any day, stud," she said.

I looked back over to see Syd had kicked off his cowboy boots and was pulling down his jeans. "It's been too goddamned long since I had my pants off, for sure." Even though it had been all of five minutes by my watch.

"Syd, you never told me you weren't wearing underwear," Parker said angrily.

"I'm not wearing underwear. Now you can't complain."

"Do you have a pair with you to put on?"

"What kind of weirdo would carry around a pair of underwear just in case?" Syd asked.

"Well, you're not putting on my trousers without underwear. Or else I'd have to burn them."

"Fine, you can just lend me yer boxers then."

"Then I would have to burn my boxers. And what's supposed to keep my clean privates from touching the inside of your filthy jeans?" Parker asked. "Forget it, I'm keeping the boxers."

They both started to put on each other's clothes, and once Parker had Syd's jeans on, he turned visible again. Syd's cowboy shirt was a lot less fabric than what Parker normally wore from the waist up, and it showed off the gorgeous upper body of his, which was a delight to my eyes.

When they had finished dressing, Enid said, "First let's judge who did better on looks alone. Don't say anything."

"I have to give this one to Parker," I said quickly. "Syd's got one of his trouser pant legs caught in the back of his shoe, and I can see that he's not wearing socks. That's not something Parker would ever neglect to do. Also, Syd, what is going on with that tie? Clearly you have no idea how to tie one of those. It looks more like you were trying to create a noose than a tie."

"Isn't that all a tie really is, one big noose?" Syd asked. "Truth is, I couldn't tie the thing, so I did my best hog tie on it. If I was ever gonna wear a tie, it wouldn't be so limp and small like this one. It would be long, thick, and manly, in order to match my cock."

"That better not be your Parker impression, or you've already lost," I said.

"Don't worry, it ain't."

"Okay, let's see both of you in motion," Enid said. "Do your best imitations as you walk."

Syd walked back and forth, his posture as straight as I'd ever seen it, his hands tucked neatly into his suit-vest pockets. His mouth was clamped shut, his eyes were narrowed, and his nose raised high in a very snobbish appearance. Parker's light limp turned into a major disability as Syd stumbled all over the place.

"Parker's limp is barely noticeable, it's nowhere near that degree of severity, Syd," I complained.

"Hey, I see it how I see it," Syd said. "I don't hear any criticism about what Parker's doin' over there. I do not walk like that."

"What? I'm just doing Syd's swagger."

"Syd, you do have a swagger," Enid said.

"But it doesn't look nearly as grotesque as that. That's beyond swagger and into pimp-walk territory."

"Okay, enough of the walking," Enid said. "Let's hear you introduce yourselves. Syd, you first." She pointed at Parker.

"Pleased to meet you," Parker said in the thickest Texas accent I had ever heard. "Name's Syd, and I love meaningless sex, the word `ain't,' and any excuse I can find to whip my penis out."

I laughed, thinking Parker's impression hilarious.

"Okay now, Parker, introduce yourself," Enid said.

"I'm so phenomenally excited to make your acquaintance," Syd said in the most horrible, affected accent I had ever heard. "I love to feel superior to others by correcting their grammar and hygiene, to wait until several dozen years of dating have elapsed before I have sex with a lady, and any excuse I can find to whip my education credentials out."

"Parker does not talk like that, Syd," I said. "He has a Texas accent same as you, he just knows how to speak correctly. You sound like you're doing a Queen's English accent, like Parker is some buttoned-up English butler."

"Does anyone have anything in their pockets that they can use as a prop?" Enid asked.

Parker found a condom in his back pocket. "Always gotta be ready for intercourse," he said. Then he found a pack of Marlboros and a lighter in his, and he started to light up. "A chain smoker like me always has his smokes."

Syd pulled some items out of his pocket. "A weirdo like me always has handy his latex gloves, an eyedropper, and a magnifying glass. The last one just in case I need to find my balls."

"From what I could see through Parker's boxers, his balls weren't anything to scoff at," Enid said. "Looked like your size, in fact."

"I was being figurative, Enid, not literal. But thanks for questioning me, as it gave me two chances to use ten cent words, which makes me a better person than you."

Parker coughed as he started smoking his cigarette.

"Did you just choke on my cigarette, bro?" Syd asked. "I would never, ever do that."

"I hate cigarettes, they're absolutely detestable," Parker said, his face turning red.

"Okay, judgment time," Enid said. "I don't know Parker, so I'll let Jake decide who would pass for whom."

"Well, Syd would never have fooled me trying to be Parker for an instant."

"Maybe so, but ain't no way Parker would ever have been able to fool everyone at the rodeo either."

"He might have," I said.

"No goddamn way," Syd said. "First of all, he ain't got the lingo down. He used penis and intercourse in place of much more descriptive words that I prefer. He wouldn't be able to match my vocabulary without going beet red and apologizing to everyone within earshot of him."

Enid laughed.

"And Parker in no way could ever match my showmanship at the rodeo. He just gets the events done as easily as possible. Everyone knows I put on a damn good show. Parker's never craved the spotlight like me. And my favorite thing to do when everyone's lookin' at me is to grope Jakey, or stick my huge wiener in his face or his pretty crack. No way Parker'd ever be capable of that shit."

"He's right," I said. "Parker, I think you're the sweetest guy ever for coming up with the plan to dress up as Syd, but I don't think you could have pulled it off, because your soul isn't hungry for empty validation like his is, and you actually have some standards regarding sexual decency towards others. So, I'd take that as a compliment if I were you, Parker."

"There, it's settled, I win again, just like I always do with you, Park," Syd said as he started ripping off Parker's clothes and putting them in a pile. "Hurry up, Jakey, I told the folks that we'd be partaking in a celebratory lunch in the mess hall."

"Do I have to?" I asked. "I wanted to celebrate with Parker."

"Yup, it's required, Jakey, `cause Enid'll be there, and chances are Rose will be around someplace."

"Ugh, fine, I'll meet you there after I put my horses away."

On my ride back, I couldn't help but reflect upon Parker and Syd's brotherly rivalry. In essence, they were identical twins, even though Syd was born first. It seemed to me that when two people looked identical, and especially once the brothers would be competing for the same pool of girls, that since they couldn't use their different looks to differentiate themselves in the eyes of others, it made sense that their personalities would be so opposed, just to make sure they each had a unique sense of identity. And since they obviously weren't going to make any sense criticizing each other's looks (except for Syd making fun of Parker about his missing leg, which he did constantly), they would have to criticize their personalities.

And in this brotherly rivalry, I had no qualms admitting I was absolutely, totally on Parker's side.

I was in Patches's stall in the back of the stables, grooming him carefully, when I heard voices.

"Good ride, youngin,' yous gettin' a real handle on yer saddle skills."

"Thanks, Polly," said Lewis, and I could hear horses being dismounted.

"Hi Polly, is he finished?" asked Annie.

"Yup, all done."

"Ready to go, kiddo?" Annie asked.

"Yes, Annie."

I could hear Annie and Lewis leave, and Polly start to put away the horses. I was just about to go say hello to her when I heard her say, "Who's that? Who's up there in the hay loft?"

"It's me," Donnie said.

"Ain't no need for hay down here Donnie," she said. "No need to be up in the hayloft. I know plain well yous take naps up there when I ain't lookin, and I'll have none of it."

"Maybe you should stop fussin' over what I am or ain't doing, and start lookin' after yer own sins."

"What you rappin' on about?"

"I seen ya from up here, Polly," he said. "I seen ya given Lewis secret lessons. Make him all soft on the horses."

"Ya ain't seen shit, Donnie. Ya got bonked so many times, yer vision is goin.'"

"I seen what I seen, Polly. How would the Governor react if he knew you were undermining him with his son?"

"Jericho wouldn't never believe you against me, Donnie. Ya ain't got any proof."

I heard something very large drop to the stable ground, and I heard Polly shout in surprise.

"That's Mr. Governor to you, Polly," said a third voice, much louder, deeper and more powerful than the others. "I don't think you've done anything to earn calling me by my first name."

"Mr. Governor, it ain't how it looks."

"It's exactly how it looks. I knew it was true the second Donnie came and told me. Now you listen here. If I see you so much as lookin' at Lewis from here on out, it's over for you, ya here me?"

"Yes."

"And ya ain't ever gonna be allowed near the horses again. I want ya in the mansion, cleaning out my urinal for the rest of yer miserable life. And if ya ever so much as give me a look that I don't think is pretty, I'm gonna rip you open and drink every last drop of yer blood, ya hear me?"

"Yous can't do that to me," she said. "I got the free mark."

"I can remove it. Burn ya into a slave. I'm the Governor."

"No ya can't," she said. "I'm only sixteen. It was my choice to work these stables."

"Goddamnit!" he snapped. "I may not be able to force ya to work for me or kill ya, but I can order you not to leave Mareshead until yer of goddamn age. And then, first thing I'm doin' two years from now is revoking your free man status. Now get the fuck outta here!"

I heard her angrily storm off, and I felt awful for her.

"What about me, Mr. Governor?" asked Donnie. I could hear he had come down the stairs, and was standing next to Jericho.

"You'll get just what I told ya. You in charge of these stables again."

"Thank you, you won't regret that choice, I swear to ya. Now that we have these stables to ourselves, Mr. Governor, why don't the two of us go back up into that hayloft and you give me the fuckin' of a lifetime?"

I heard Jericho snicker. "Yer hot as fuck, Donnie," he said. "But my lovin' comes with a price I don't think yer willin' to pay.

"I can hang with whatever ya can dish out at me," Donnie said. "I been with tons of dominant vampires before, and I never got pushed too hard."

I figured Jericho would kill Donnie if the two of them had sex, and I doubted that Donnie really understood what he was asking for.

"Not in the cards right now, I got too much use fer you as servant."

"Well, what about just a little, quick blow job?" he begged. "I can see you got a package in those jeans that is all kinds a huge. It'd be makin' my dreams come true to give it a good suck down."

Jericho laughed. "Maybe one day, you can have my huge cock in yer lips, but not today."

I heard Jericho walk out of the stables. Then I heard Donnie go back up to the hayloft. I said goodbye to Patches and crept out of the stables, and as I left them, I swore I could hear the sounds of Donnie pleasuring himself above me.

"I tell ya what though, that little pansy will never make the mistake of goin' up against Syd Logan ever again, no siree," Syd bragged, which must have been the thousandth time he had boasted about our win since lunch began.

We were surrounded by a number of the least respectable folks in Mareshead, including Enid, Tucker, and a sad collection of the mess hall drunks. They had all witnessed the rodeo first hand, at least when they weren't passed out drunk, and were all eager to jump on the Syd groupie bandwagon, and I was forced to sit there and agree to everything Syd was saying as I ate my lunch.

I noticed across the room Boyd was sitting there, watching us with antagonism on his face. "Syd, Boyd's right over there, do you think he can hear us?"

"I already saw him when he came in, Jakey," Syd said. "He can't hear us, we're in a noisy room."

"Even with those famous vampire ears I always hear about?"

"Even with those. It's too far, and there's way too much white noise. Don't worry `bout him."

"Is that why you showed up late, Syd?" asked one of the women. "Because the Slades were such amateurs?"

"Damn right, baby. My fiancé here was so positive he could own Boyd Slade, he had me bow out of the first part of the competition. In fact, Boyd sucked so bad, that Jakey figured he could win the whole thing by himself, and got mad at me when I did show up. Ain't that right, punkin?'"

"Mmm-hmm."

"There were a couple events where Boyd looked like he ain't never ridden before in his life," said Tucker, clearly referring to the ones that Boyd had thrown.

"I heard Boyd's cold terrified of horses, that's why he sucks so bad at riding. And those axes? Not a single point earned in his throws? He had to have his wife perform the whole rodeo for him, she's the only one with any gumption. Goddamn, if I got owned like he did, I'd have no choice but to cut off my balls, clearly they weren't workin' for Boyd."

Everyone laughed.

"Well, I'm done eating, I'll see you upstairs, Syd."

"Alright, sweetie, be up soon for our afternoon fuck session."

"Uh, great."

As soon as I left, Syd resumed his boasts. As I walked towards the mess hall exit, I happened closer to Boyd, and I saw that he wasn't alone, like I had first surmised; he was sitting with his wife. I could see she was watching Syd and the others there, while at the same time, signing to Boyd. By the angry look on his face, I could only assume she had been reading Syd's lips, and translating for Boyd. Had he listened to all of Syd's ridiculous claims? Even if he had, it was hard to care about Boyd's feelings after what he had done to me. I went upstairs without trying to intervene.

"Wow, I feel oddly bushed," Syd said, lying on his bed in nothing but his cowboy hat and boots right after Enid left the room late that afternoon. "Why am I so exhausted, Jakey? I've already had my blood today."

"Gee, I wonder what it could be," I said. "This morning you had morning sex again with Enid. We had a little something called a rodeo competition, which might have required just the slightest bit of physical exertion on your part. Then all afternoon, you two wouldn't let me leave the room to do anything remotely productive because you were going at it like rabbits for hours. So the only down time you had is the couple hours I was with Cornelius this morning, right?"

"Actually, that was more up time. Well, I was horizontal, but my dick was up. Rose decided she wanted me to come over in the morning, so I spent the AM pleasuring her rosy little slit."

"You can stay and sleep if you like, but I have to be down at Meredith's to see Lettie and Tom try on their outfits. Thank goodness this will be the last time I have to suffer through that particular embarrassment. Though I have no doubt you have yet to embarrass me in all sorts of new, humiliating ways I have yet to foresee."

"Nope, I wanted to go down with you. They're my friends, after all, not yours."

He got up and threw his clothes back on, shaking off his yawns and rubbing his red eyes.

We caught up with Lettie and Tom just as they were about to go into Meredith's shop. Both were extremely happy to see Syd, especially Lettie. But the second she finished hugging us, she slapped both of us upside the heads.

"Ow!" I said.

"That's for not letting on that you were engaged the first time I met you!" she said. "I don't know why you would lie like that, and I don't know why Big Tom and I would only hear about the engagement second hand, when Cornelius called and told us we were supposed to be in the ceremony."

"We're very sorry for how it all went down," Syd said to both of them.

"You're always apologizing for one thing or another, Mr. Logan," she complained. She reached over and pinched my cheek. "At least now I understand why you inexplicably turned down my wonderful offer to be one of my whores," she said loudly. "You would have normally been all over that job, but you knew your body had to be saved for only one man in about a month's time."

I frowned, annoyed that she still thought I was capable of being a prostitute. "Actually, that's--"

"--Exactly right," Syd said, cutting me off. "Now come along, you'll be wanted inside."

Tom's eyes were looking every which way. "Checking out the Mansion?" I asked. "Isn't it something?"

"Yeah, a real something. I ain't ever been here," he said to me.

"You ain't ever been anywhere, Big Tom," Lettie said. "Never left Fools Gold."

"Never could see the reason a free man would want to leave the one free town in the Territory."

"You should have heard his crooked teeth chattering as we came inside," Lettie said. "Big Tom turned out to be one big baby."

"Hey, you hear things about what goes on in this place," he said. "Things they don't share with you vampire folk."

"Don't worry, this place is as safe as can be, Tom," Syd said, patting him on the back. "Hell, Jakey's not a vampire. He's been here for weeks, and they ain't done nothing here but spoil him."

I couldn't stop myself from rolling my eyes. Luckily, no one was looking at me.

"Are they spoiling him, or fattening him up for the slaughter?" Tom asked.

"Bottom line is, you have your Free Mark, Tom," Lettie said. "You'll be fine."

We walked into Meredith's shop, where she and Cornelius were waiting patiently. After introducing themselves to Tom, both he and Lettie went into their stalls to change.

"Uh, I'm not sure what to do with any of this," Tom said from the stall.

"I'll come and help," Meredith said, trying to hold back her laughter as she went into the stall.

Moments later, Lettie came out of her stall in her bridesmaid dress, showing no sign of embarrassment as she marched out on those high heels. She walked over to Syd.

"You like it?" he asked.

She slapped him on the head, first with one hand, then the other. "You get a double slap that time for making me wear this ridiculous costume. Are you sure this is supposed to be what the bridesmaids wear? I bet ol' Lettie was brought up here to be the stripper at Syd's bachelor party, is that it? There's so many naughty places for you to stick those dollar bills."

"That is the bridesmaid's dress, I can assure you," Cornelius said.

She looked down at herself. "Syd, you are clearly trying to embarrass us poor women here. I bet you can see my nipples and half my crack in this thing."

"Oh, darlin,' I've seen a whole lot more than that plenty of times."

She laughed. "Alright, you won't make a fool out of me, Syd. I'm gonna march in there on the wedding day with my head high."

Finally, Tom came out of the changing stall. I cracked a smile as soon as I saw him. He looked even worse than the man in his eighties had looked. His rotund stomach hung over his jock covering most of his penis, two normal cummerbunds had to be sewn together before they were wide enough to fit around his waist, the pasties on his nipples capped breasts that were almost as large as Lettie's, and his chunky butt looked awful just hanging out free in the back.

"Jakey picked it out," Syd was quick to say. "What do you think, Big Tom?"

"Mmm, could be worse," he said.

"Oh yeah, Tommy, baby," Lettie said. "You look like you're about ready to own the bachelorette party."

"Just wait `til they see all my sexy pole dancing moves," he said.

We found a table large enough for seven in the mess hall for dinner, with the two out of town guests joining Syd, Parker, Annie, Lewis, and I for dinner. Tom and Lettie spent the meal keeping everyone rolling with laughter as they relayed embarrassing story after embarrassing story of Syd's past, most of which involved juggling several women at once. When Lewis finished his meal and went off to play with some of the other children around, that's when those two really let loose, sharing all the more vulgar tales. A normal person would either be angry about the stories making them look bad, or be good sports while suffering through them, but Syd seemed actually proud of most of the tales, which was pretty sad in my book.

"Their band is pretty pitiful, ain't it?" Lettie asked after the meal.

"They can't help it, they're slaves," I told her.

"Syd, I think you and I could manage to put some real zip into their band, whaddya say?"

He smiled. "Normally, I'd say you're on, but I'm real tired tonight for some reason."

"Well, drink a goddamn coffee, `cause you're not getting out of this," she said, getting up and pulling him off his chair. "Not after I've seen the dress you're forcing on me."

"Oh, alright," he said.

The two of them walked over to the band on stage and started to discuss matters. They got Syd his own guitar.

"I'm Lettie Tobbler, and this is Syd Logan, and we're here to get all yer purdy asses out there out of those seats," Lettie drawled out at the dinner crowd, even though very few were around the stage at the time.

And then the Mareshead band started to play, along with Syd and Lettie, and it was amazing how different they sounded. Lettie and Syd had them playing different songs, and each one was way faster than any of the mid-tempo songs they usually stuck to.

Soon, most of the room was up on their feet around the stage, and more and more people were shuffling in from outside the mess hall.

"This loud music is abysmal," said Rose as she stormed out of the room, but she was the only one that I saw leave as the music changed.

Soon there were a hundred country western dancers, so many that people started pushing all the tables and chairs against the walls to make room for everyone. The line to the bar was so huge, as more and more partiers got their drinks, that Big Tom offered his bartender services to them.

There were three types of dancing going on, each in their own area. Right in front of the stage, a disorganized crowd of dancing people who seemed the most excited about the band, which included Enid, who was staring Syd in the eyes with every word he sang, looking certain he was singing just to her. On the left side of the room, a huge line dancing area had formed, where everyone was neatly involved in some moves I had never seen, not that I had ever taken any interest in line dancing before. On the right side of the room, couples engaged in country western dancing, which seemed like the most difficult type of them all.

Parker, Annie, Lewis, and I were all gathered in the back, standing and watching the activity without joining in. Annie came over to Parker. "How about it, Parker?" she asked him. "Shall we hit the dance floor?"

He shook his head. "I can't, Annie. You go ahead without me."

She nodded, then hopped over to the line dancers and joined in effortlessly.

Cornelius walked in the room nearby, straightening the tie on his suit. "I knew I could hear music while I was working in my office."

"Sorry it's so noisy," I said. "Maybe you should have them keep it down?"

"Oh no, then it would be much less fun," he said, jumping up and down in his nice shoes. "I am quite fond of quality music, and this is of some serious quality."

"I want to learn how to do that," Lewis said, pointing at the line dancers. There were some small children who knew the dance doing it as well. "But it looks too hard."

"It's not hard at all, little guy," Cornelius said. "I'd love to teach you. My wife and I used to really cut the rug in the old days."

Cornelius took Lewis out to the line dance to teach him how, and in only a matter of moments, the two were able to join the others seamlessly, a huge grin on both of their faces.

"You know, we're the only two wallflowers left now," Parker said to me.

"And that's the way it's going to stay," I said. "You can't go out there because of your leg, and I can't go out there because I've never been a good dancer."

"Don't underestimate the handicapped fellow over her, Jake. I can get by just fine without a leg on the dance floor."

"Then how come you're not out there?"

"I hate to say it, but the music bothers me." He looked out at the stage. "Lettie's part I like, but hearing Syd's music just gets me ill these days. I don't know what it is. I used to be real excited by it back when he first started. But, it's always the same stuff, I guess. So monotonous. It just gets old after all these decades."

"I feel the same way," I said.

"Really?' he said, smiling. "Somehow I doubt that you've gotten sick of Syd's music over the many decades you've heard it."

"Well, not exactly the same sentiment as yours. For me, it was that Syd sang his songs when he was trying to woo me, and I was impressed. When I learned how artificial he was, that dislike soaked into his music as well for me."

"Yeah, I guess that's how I feel about it too," Parker said. "I find it challenging to enjoy it objectively, because it's one of the many things that aggravate me about him. You want to know another thing he does that annoys me lately?"

"What?"

"They way he addresses you," Parker said. "Either he's using a wildly off base, humiliating term of endearment that only his warped mind could come up with, or he's calling you Jakey.' Every time I hear Jakey' this, or Jakey' that, I want to kick him. Your name is Jake!' Calling you Jakey sounds so demeaning and condescending from him."

I laughed. "You know what? I think the two of us could spend all night entertaining each other with nothing but listing out the things that we hate about Syd," I said.

"That sounds like fun to me," Parker said. "But you know what sound like more fun?"

"What?"

"Coercing you into getting on the dance floor." He smiled wickedly.

"You're just trying to make a fool out of me," I said.

"Exactly," he said, pushing me towards the dancers.

"Okay, but if I'm going to dance, it's going to be next to Enid and Tucker in the group of people who are really doing nothing more than thrashing their limbs around at complete random. I'm pretty sure I can replicate that."

"You're way too sober to be over there," Parker said. "You can choose between line dancing and couples."

I looked over at the line dancers. They were all neatly performing their intricate moves, no one ever even stepping on anyone's foot. "That seems way more structured than anything I should attempt," I said. "And some of those line dancers look like they're about ready to rip the heads off of anyone who would dare mess up one of their moves."

"We'll do the couples dancing, then," Parker said. "Those people are freer to do as they please."

"Are you sure you're not going to be embarrassed partnering with a guy?" I asked.

Parker frowned. "I'm not sure what you're getting at there," he said.

"I mean, wouldn't people here react with homophobia?"

"Come again? With what?" I could not believe that word was not a part of his lexicon. And he had such a robust lexicon, I knew first hand of that.

"Won't the people who sexually prefer the opposite sex not approve?" I asked.

"That doesn't make any sense," he said. "That's almost as far fetched as people here not approving the color of your skin. Most of the folks here are bisexual, and out of the rest, the straights don't seem to outnumber the gays by much. No one here even understands the concept of being ashamed of dancing with a same sex partner. If anyone should be ashamed, it's you. Everyone here knows I'm missing a leg. Everyone here either thinks of me as half a man, or pities me when I don't need anyone's pity."

"Parker, I've never thought any less of you. You've always been my favorite person in the Territory. I'd be honored to dance with you."

He led me out onto the dance floor with a big smile on his handsome face. "I'm afraid I'll have to lead, because it's the only way I know," he said. "And this particular sort of dancing requires us partners to touch, are you alright with that? I don't want to take advantage of you."

"No, you wouldn't be. Of course I approve."

He put his right arm around my waist, which I loved. Then he clasped his left hand with my right one. I had never held hands with him before, and his large hand felt very good holding mine.

"What am I supposed to do with my left arm?" I asked, as it was just kind of squished between us.

"You put it around my neck," he said.

I raised my arm and swung it around his neck, until it was resting there, and it all felt very, very romantic.

"Good. But we can't just stand here forever, Jake. We have to move."

"No promises that I won't step on your feet," I said.

"Just try not to step on my good one," he said. "Now, I'm going to start with a Two Step. It's easy to learn. Just a quick step, a quick step, followed by a slow one, like this."

Parker led me through the move, and I totally missed it at first. "I'll never get this," I said.

"You're not going to pick it all up lickety split, Jake. You just need to take it slow, take all the time you need."

I carefully watched everything he was doing, and concentrated on being a mirror image of him. After a couple minutes, I was starting not to embarrass myself.

"See? You're looking beautiful already," he gushed.

"Well, now I know another one of your many talents, Parker," I said, referring to the dancing. "Do you play any musical instruments?"

"You'd think I would after all these years, but the sad truth is--"

"You're secretly tone deaf?"

"Nope. I just never even picked up an instrument. What about you?"

"No, not really," I said.

"Why are you hedging? You're secretly some kind of musical prodigy, aren't you?"

"I used to just barely play piano when I was very, very small," I admitted. "My mother realized I was very good, so she sent me to lessons. When my father discovered she was secretly using his money to send me to piano lessons, he put a prompt end to that. I was so young; I can't remember any of it anymore."

He looked deeply sympathetic. "That's too sad. We probably would have had the next Chopin on our hands if fate had been kinder to you."

"No, I never was artistic or creative in any way, so I assure you that wouldn't have happened. I dissected music down to its mathematical qualities. That combined with my good hand-eye coordination accounted for all of my talent. Maybe one day I'll take it up again, when my life has far less excitement in it that it does these days."

"Why do I have the feeling that `excitement' is a euphemism for some particularly choice words for my benefit?"

"Because you know me too well, Parker."

After several songs, I had the basics down, and Parker started teaching me some other moves, spinning me occasionally and what not. Every time I looked into his face, Parker seemed to be having the time of his life, and even if dancing clearly wasn't my favorite activity, his glee was absolutely infectious.

Once I got the hang of it to the point where I could dance and carry on a conversation simultaneously, I discreetly told him what I had witnessed earlier in the stables between Jericho, Donnie, and Polly.

"Jericho, that scoundrel," he said. "Undoing everything good I accomplished in that stable in the blink of an eye. With Donnie in charge, the whole place will soon be covered by his taint again."

"Especially now that Donnie knows he has the Governor on his side. He will be a little tyrant."

"We'll have to figure something out, some other solution. But right now, just try not to pick any fights with Donnie."

"I'll try.

"Drat, I was counting on Polly's morning lessons with Lewis in order for me to train you in the rodeo. With Annie leaving, unless Syd decides to look after him, it has to be us two. Which means if I give you a lesson, Lewis has to be there. I'm not really sure it's appropriate to expose Lewis to the rodeo, he's much too young."

"I can practice on my own for now until we find someone to look after Lewis," I said. "I don't want him to be invited to our lessons."

"I hate the idea of you training without me there to help," Parker said. "I'll try to figure out some other solution."

All the songs up until that point had been toe-tapping fast, but then Lettie started a country western ballad, a slow, sweet song.

"Usually when a slow song plays, we just hold our partners closer to our bodies. I don't want you to feel like I'm invading your personal space."

"No, Parker, go right ahead and invade away."

"Alright. We move around gently, like so," he said, pulling my body firmly but gently until it was totally pressed against his.

I could feel his firm chest muscles from beneath his suit push against mine, his taut torso press against my stomach, his muscled right arm squeezing against my side, and the fingers of his left hand affectionately rubbing the fingers of my right as he held on tighter. He had his right good leg bent, and pulled me over him so that I was sort of straddling his thigh. The position made me feel his ample, soft package pressed against my thigh, and I started to get firm.

As the song went on, he wordlessly locked eyes with me, those beautiful eyes, and my heart started swelling up, knowing I was looking into the gorgeous, kind face of such a good, smart, kind man. All of those feelings that I had tried to put behind me arose anew right then as I went over all the reasons in my mind why we were perfect for each other.

"You should be doing this with Annie," I said finally towards the end of the song, breaking the silence.

"I suppose you should be doing this with Syd, then," he said.

"I couldn't think of a worse way to spend my evening," I joked.

The slow song ended, and another fast song took its place. Parker and I danced a few more songs, then called it a night when Annie found us and told us she and Lewis were heading for bed. Parker decided to go with them, and I told him I was tired as well and would be heading for bed before Parker pulled me aside and told me it was probably best to stick around until Syd's performance was over, just so people didn't get suspicious. I told him I would do my best to play a supportive fiancé, and the three of them left for the night.

About an hour later, I seriously regretted making that promise. I was so, so tired, as it was way past my normal bedtime, yet most of the dancers around me were just as buoyant as ever.

Syd and Lettie ended up even playing an hour and half further, well into the early morning hours, taking only bathroom and beer breaks. By the time they were done, only about a third of the original crowd was left, and most of those were looking pretty wiped out.

Cornelius came up to me and put his arm on my shoulder. "I think we've both had far too much indulgence in frivolities tonight, Mr. Groves. And I may have had one or two or three too many libations. Do you mind if we cancel our meeting tomorrow morning? We are currently well ahead of schedule in terms of planning the event due mainly to your amazingly quick decision-making skills."

"That's totally fine, Cornelius," I said. "Get some sleep."

I walked over to the bar, where Tom was pouring shots for Enid and Tucker, who were sitting on bar stools with a stool between them holding nothing but a cup filled with coins.

"Okay, my turn," Enid said, flipping a coin with her thumb and index finger into the air, spinning. It landed into the glass between them. "Ha, I owned you again! Drink, bitch, drink!"

Tucker downed his shot. "It's not fair," he slurred heavily. "You only win `cause I'm too drunk to feel my hands."

"Ooo, that sounds like fun, let me catch up with you." She took her shot.

"Tucker, don't try to tell me that you're only drinking tonight to help you get through your responsibilities with Jericho. It doesn't matter that you're a vampire now, you're still just the town drunk, aren't you?"

"Ouch, what crawled up his ass?" Enid asked.

"I don't give a damn about bein' sober no more," Tucker said.

"I can see that."

"Alcohol can't hurt me no more, anyway. No cancer, no chemical addictions."

I shook my head. "It doesn't matter if the body is chemically addicted or not, Tucker. A man's addiction will find a way to kill him every time."

"Well, I for one am addicted to Syd's dick," Enid said. "And like you said, all I want is for my addiction to murder me, preferably in bed tonight."

I glared at her angrily.

"Oops, did I say that out loud? Tucker, did you hear any of that?"

"What?" Tucker asked, not playing along, but actually so drunk he was beyond even basic sensory perceptions.

"Tell Syd I'll be with my pussy spread open in your room," she said. "Promise?"

"I promise to tell him you are waiting for him in my own less vulgar vernacular."

"Oh, great, with you, that will probably make him think I've invited him to the opera or something." She walked out of mess hall with two bottles of whiskey in her hands.

I found Syd, who was happily signing his name onto a gaggle of newly converted groupies' various body parts. I steered him away from those women and we said goodbye to Lettie and Tom before leaving the mess hall together.

"Enid is waiting for you in our room," I said as soon as we were alone.

"Ugh. I'm so tired, I don't even know if I can do it, Jakey. You might have to fuck her for me tonight."

"That's not funny," I said. "Your voice sounds really hoarse."

"My throat feels raw," he said. "Guess it's been too long since I sang."

When we got into the apartment, Enid was all over him, telling him how much she was turned on by his awesome country star skills. I guess all the adoring comments turned out to be the best medicine for Syd's lack of energy, because he fully roused himself for one heck of a sex session. They looked like they had just barely started by the time I had gotten ready for bed, said my prayers, and curled up on the settee with my blanket. This time, they seemed to be too drunk to keep the noise down to a reasonable level, and I found myself trying to force myself to go to sleep amidst the moaning, groaning, and bed rattling. When that turned out to be unsuccessful, I sat up angrily.

"Hey, I have a bright idea," I said. "How about trying not to make so much noise you wake up half of Texas? Especially since we're trying so hard to convince people that Enid is not having sex with you, Syd?"

Syd had been on top of Enid, but he switched positions, getting up onto his knees and pulling her into a sitting position against him.

"Pssh," Enid said drunkenly. "If anyone asks, we'll just say that it was you and me fucking, and Syd wasn't involved." Her sentence was interrupted every half second or so by Syd's thrusts, which were bouncing her up and down.

"Darlin,' I highly doubt anyone's gonna believe anyone but me could ever make you holler the way you have been for such a long time," Syd said, a bit breathless.

"I don't know if that's true, but I know for a fact no one is going to believe it's me you're having sex with when you repeatedly shout out `ride me, cowboy,' or that I would suddenly adopt a sailor's vocabulary with a lowbrow Texas accent."

"'Sides, besides Rose, we wouldn't really wanna make people think you two were hooking up," Syd said. "If anyone's supposed to be monogamous, it's Jakey."

As Syd's thrusts bounced Enid harder, she managed to get out the following: "Oh," thrust "my" thrust "god," thrust "I think" thrust "this" thrust "position" thrust "is getting me" thrust "seasick."

"You wanna slow down?"

"Psssh," thrust "hell" thrust "no."

"Attagirl," Syd said.

"Oh, I'm gonna puke," she said.

She jumped off of Syd, stumbled off the bed, and covered her mouth as she ran towards the bathroom. As drunk as she was, she tripped over the leg of the settee, and fell forward towards me.

At the same time, I saw huge amounts of orange vomit explode out of her mouth, and I had no time to get out of the way. The vomit landed all over me, the blanket and pillow I was using, and the settee.

"AHH!" I yelled, shaking off the vomit. "What the heck was that?"

To make matters worse, she threw up even more bile all over me, and she didn't even try to make it to the bathroom that time.

Syd started to laugh hysterically. "Ha, that was the funniest thing I've seen in a long time. Nice one!"

"Ugh," she said. "Hey, I try." She looked down at herself. "Hey, kept it from getting on me," she said. "I rule!"

"That's because every last drop of it is on me!"

"Well, not EVERY last drop," she said. She swished around spit in her mouth, and then spit a wad of some residual vomit chunks right into my face. "Now it's every last drop."

"You are a revolting little creature," I said.

"Well, I do what I can," she said, plopping back down on Syd's bed.

"Holy crap, this vomit smells as rank as vomit could possibly smell. What were you eating earlier, spoiled rotten eggs?"

"I wouldn't put it past me," she mumbled.

I jumped in the tub, and turned the water on. I took off my sleeping shorts and threw them aside, they were totally soaked.

"Syd, you have to help me here," I said.

He got up. "I'll help wash you, that sounds like fun."

"Nope. Help me clean up my stuff."

He moaned. "You know I'm adverse to cleaning anything that I can't have sex with, Jakey."

"Just do it!"

He grumbled, but then he picked up my blanket on the settee and used it to clean up the spots of vomit that hand landed on the floor. When he finished, he grabbed the blanket, the pillow, and my shorts in his hands and opened the front door.

"You're gonna go out there like that?" I asked, noticing that he was not just naked but rock hard, his slimy dick pointing towards the sky.

"Damn right," he said, leaving the room.

The tub filled up with enough water for me to wash all the vomit off my skin, the smell making me feel pretty nauseous on my own. I drained the water, cleaned out the tub, and started to fill it again with clean water.

By the time I was lathering every inch of myself in the clean tub, Syd came back with a bucket full of soapy cleaner and a scrubbing brush. He set it down by the settee.

"You know what?" Enid said. "I actually feel a lot better now."

"Great, why don't you start scrubbing my settee?"

"Nope, don't do scrubbing as a rule."

"But you do sexing, right sweetheart?" Syd asked her.

"Right."

"My bone's still raging hard," he said. "Wanna continue where we left off?"

"Hell yeah," she said, and they quickly started to have sex again on the bed.

I cringed as soon as I saw them kiss. "Eew, she didn't even brush her teeth after she vomited, Syd," I said.

"I don't give a damn, Jakey."

After I dried off, I put on another pair of sleeping shorts and I started to clean up the settee, muttering angry words under my breath directed at Enid for letting me clean up her mess. After about twenty minutes of hardcore scrubbing, I threw the brush down in disgust. "It's not happening. This isn't ever going to become clean, I'm afraid. It still reeks. Might as well have them burn it, Syd."

"Sure, whatever," he said, then on top of Enid in bed.

"Now I have nowhere to sleep."

"You should sleep up here on the bed with us, Jakey," Syd said. "There's plenty of room for all three."

"I never, ever want to share a bed with you unless I'm contractually obligated to again," I said.

"Well the wood floor looks mighty hard, Jakey, but suit yourself."

I got down onto the floor, highly annoyed by how unpleasant it was. "Syd, can you at least give me an extra pillow or blanket?" I asked.

"Sure," Syd said. "You can have one of ours."

"That is, if you don't mind that it's covered with my pussy juice," Enid said. "Still want one?"

"Nope, nope, never mind," I said angrily.

I was so exhausted, even though there was nothing comfortable about the way I was sleeping, I fell asleep quickly.