This is the fifth day that Brandon has been home from France. A lot has happened since he got home. Does Luke fully trust Brandon? Luke's best friend, Grayson, is taking a more active roll in this story. Let me know what you think.
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Chapter 8
Day 5 Brandon's POV
We have a pretty good morning. We're all wearing clothes. Mom thought we were nudist, but I know I'm not really. It's just at home and it is okay to just be whatever you want to be that day.
I was excited that the package I ordered was a bit early today. Luke is going to love this gift. He'll be able to play video games again and take on me or Grayson or just play by himself. I can hardly wait until Grayson comes over so we can give Luke this controller adapter. I want to see the look on his face.
Luke can see that I'm being a little bit giddy. "Why are in such a good mood this morning, Brandon?" Luke asks me.
"Oh, I don't know." I lied. Well, more like fibbed. "I was just thinking about my life. It's been less than a week since I came home from France. It was an awesome experience and it changed my world. I learned a new culture, a new language, lived with an amazing family who accepted me as one of their own. Really, I found myself there, but I still had a hole in my heart and it couldn't be filled."
Luke speaks. "Are you talking about me?"
"Exactly!....... I had justified the way I treated you. You were a pain in my rear and you got what was coming to you. I knew that I had taken it too far, but I didn't really care. Andres helped my take off my blinders and see things as they truly were. It's kinda like being in a dark room and walking outside in the sun. I was blind sided. I had seen the light and it hurt".
I clutched my chest just thinking about the pain. I'm not looking at Luke now.
Luke stops me from continuing. "Brandon, you have told me all this before. It's in the past and I have forgiven you. We don't need to keep bringing it up."
I say, "It's to tell you why I am in a good mood today. Bare with me. So, I was in France and had realized what a butt hole I was and it tore me apart. Andres helped me understand that it wasn't too late and I was able to put a band-aid over that hole in my chest. I could then really enjoy myself and learn so much more about life. That band-aid was that when I came home, I would do what ever it took to make it up to you. I was hoping that in time, you could at least like me again. It has not been easy to forgive myself."
Luke has a questionable look on his face. "So.....what changed?"
"Remember that first night when we talked? I promised that I would do what ever it took and take as much time as it needed to make it up to you. I wanted to gain your trust and be like the big brother I should have been all along. These last few days have been wonderful. I have really wanted to be with you and help you any way I could. I feel that hole in my heart has been filling in and that burden has been lifted from me and I can look myself in the eye again."
Wait. Luke's smile just dropped. Now he is just staring at me. Did I say something wrong? He isn't saying anything.
"Luke? Is everything okay?"
Luke finally speaks but it is kinda tense. "So what you are saying, is that because I got hurt it gave you an opportunity to show me that you were a changed person. You were able to help me with almost everything and are now able to prove to yourself that you are worthy of the forgiveness I already gave you? Am I right so far?"
I'm not sure where he is going with this. "Well yeah, mostly. I mean..."
"I get it now!" Luke says rather harshly. "This is about YOU! You needed to feel better about yourself! You are glad that I got hurt. You don't really care about me!!"
What? He has this all wrong. "No Luke. That's not what I wanted. I just..."
"I heard what you said. If I hadn't broken my arm, you would still be trying to gain my trust and pretending that you loved me, so you could `forgive' yourself."
I can't believe what I'm hearing. This can't be happening! "That's not what I meant. Please don't think that I'm being insincere. I do love you..."
"You love me? You love me!!?" He is now yelling at me. "Ha!!! You just want to love yourself. You don't care about me! It's all a lie!! You just want redemption!! I can't believe I almost fell for it. I'm such an idiot, and you are still scum!"
Oh no!! I'm not going to take that from him. "That is not what I said. You are taking everything out of context, Luke. You do not get to say what my intentions are. They are my intentions, not yours. Don't you dare say that I don't love you! You don't get to say what my emotions or feelings are either."
Luke counters, "You don't get to decide what I feel either! I feel you are an ass hole. I feel betrayed and anger towards you. I feel used."
"Okay. Now we are getting somewhere. I feel that you are judging me for the person I was and not for the person I am now. I feel you are being unfair because I didn't phrase a sentence correctly. I feel that my heart is being torn in two at this moment." I say as I grasp at my heart.
Our parents walk in the room wondering what all the arguing is about. We don't say anything, just stare at each other. I don't think there is anything I can say more, so I walk past my parents out of the room into the hallway. Dad follows me and he takes me to his study and closes the door. He sits me down on the sofa and hands me a tissue and a bottled water. I can't get the lid off and he twists it for me. I sit it down on the table and I blow my nose. I take a sip of water and then he sits down next to me and puts his arm around me. I melt into his embrace and bury my head into his shoulder. I'm not able to speak and he isn't saying anything either. He is just waiting for me to be ready to talk. He has always been a very patient father and I don't deserve him either.
"Why does this have to be so hard. No matter what I do, it's just, I don't know, the wrong thing. I'm not the same person I was a year ago. I didn't like the guy I was. I'm ashamed of him, Dad."
"Listen, Brandon." He moves my head so that I am looking at him. "It's only been a few days. Give yourself a break!"
"But Dad. You didn't see the disgust in his eyes. They went through me like lasers."
"Brandon. Why don't you tell me what happened today. Okay?" Dad says.
"I'll try Dad. I'm not totally sure myself. Umm...We, ah, Luke and I have, um, I mean I wanted so bad to come home this week and make things right with Luke. You know this. I never thought it would, that we could be close again as fast as it happened. We hit some snags but we were better for it. I wanted to show him, to prove it to him that I loved him. That I cared for him and was sorry for all the hurt I caused him. I thought he believed me and was starting to trust me again."
I stand up and start to pace around the room. I'm having a hard time conveying to Dad what I'm trying to say. "Remember you told me that I needed to forgive myself?"
Dad nods. "Yes, I remember that."
"I was starting to heal. Luke and I have bonded these last few days and the hole in my heart was starting to close up. When Luke got hurt, I realized just how much I loved him and how much he meant to me. I truly wanted to help him. Dad, It all came from my heart. If I could have traded places with him, I would have in an instant. I just didn't want him to be in pain. I didn't want him to be alone. He was scared, Dad, and if I could just take a little of that away... my intentions were sincere."
I sit back down and cover my face with my hands. Dad puts his comforting hand on my shoulder.
I continue. "This morning, I was really happy. One thing is that I spent every last dime I had and bought Luke an adapter for his game controller. This will allow him to play against me or Grayson or even by himself. He was really bummed that he couldn't play with Grayson. Grayson is coming over in a little bit and we were going to give it to him together. I was looking so forward to seeing the look on Luke's face when he sees it."
"I was also reflecting on how my life has changed so much for the better. I changed a lot in France, but coming home completed the process. I'm with my family and I love and appreciate all of you guys. My relationship with Luke has exceeded my dreams. I just couldn't stop smiling thinking about this. Remember a couple of days ago, I was telling you that I had low self esteem issues because of the way I treated my brother. I said that I wasn't worthy of forgiveness. You said that I was and I needed to forgive myself. Well, all the time I have spent with Luke, and the love I have towards him, I saw myself as a better person. The hole in my heart has been filling up with love."
Dad speaks up. "That's wonderful, Son. It matters to me as to how you see yourself. You are a wonderful person and son and I couldn't be happier with you. But, what has this to do with the altercation you two were having this morning?"
"You see, Luke wanted to know why I was being so giddy. So I was trying to tell him that I was so happy and glad that I was here this week to be here for him. More than being here, but a chance to be the big brother that he deserved. I had the opportunity to prove to him and myself that I could be that person."
"Then his whole demeanor changed. He said some awful things like I didn't really care about him and only cared how I felt about myself. He said that I was glad that he got hurt so that I could put on a show of being a good brother. Everything he heard was taken out of context. He just wouldn't listen to what I had to say. I don't know what to do, Dad."
Dad just shrugs his shoulders. "Oh well, you tried. You should probably just give up. If he can't see you being a good guy, then his loss. He is just going to be convinced you are scum and there's nothing you can do about it. So, move on. You don't need this trauma in your life and I'm sure you could find better things to do with your time. He's not worth the effort."
What is Dad saying? He can't really think this? "What? This is Luke, your son you are talking about. He's not a waste of my time. How could you think that?... Oh ---- I see what you are doing. Point taken Dad. Like you said, `Rome wasn't conquered in one day.' Luke will come around and I just need to be here and not give up on him otherwise, the things he said would be true."
"See? You have learned a thing or two." Dad said smiling at me. "So, now what are you going to do?"
"Thanks Dad. I needed to hear that. I'm going to start out with what I'm not going to do, and that is, I'm not going to give up on him or myself. I am not responsible for his actions, just for my own.... Did I just say that? Hum. Okay, what I am going to do is what I have already been doing. I am going to be there for him when he needs anything. I'm going to be kind and forgiving. I won't react if he says mean things to or about me, because why should I get mad? It's not like it's the truth. I am going to love him, help him, and be the best big brother whether he likes it or not."
Dad pats my shoulder. "Sounds like a great plan to me."
There is a knock at the door and I can see that it is Grayson. I wave him to come in and so he does.
He comes in smiling, "So did you get the adapter?"
"Yeah, I got it right here."
Dad gets up and says that he'll see us later.
I hand Grayson the box. "You should probably take it to him. He isn't talking to me at the moment and I want him to enjoy it. If he knows it's from me... I'm not sure what he'll do."
Grayson sits down next to me with a concerned look. "What happened?"
I shake my head. "I made the mistake of telling him that I was happy. I told him that just a few days ago I never thought that I could be this happy. I had told him that when I returned to the states that I would take as much time, do what ever it took to prove to him that I loved him and that I was sorry for how I treated him and that I wanted to be the big brother he deserved."
Grayson comments, "He already knows all that. The only difference is that you said that you were feeling happy."
"Exactly, Grayson. He interpreted that to mean that I was happy that he got hurt. He said that I didn't really care about him and I only pretended to care to make myself look good. Also that I wanted to receive redemption so I could feel good about myself as a person. He took everything out of context. There is nothing I can say right now that can help. So, I guess I'll just give him space, but I'm not going to stop being his brother. I am still going to love him, be kind to him and help anyway I can. I will not give up on us."
"Wow!" Grayson says. "That's ruff. I'm sure he will come around and I am glad that you are going to be steadfast in your actions. If you give up on him, it will show that he was right. In a way he is testing you, if he knows it or not. I'll talk to him and I'll let him hear what he is saying. He might be surprised. Is he in his room?"
"Thanks Grayson. Yeah, he was in our room talking with Mom, but I'm not sure how that went."
Grayson says, "I don't want to interrupt them, so I'll just stay here until your mom comes out."
He didn't have to wait long for Mom came into the room and says hi to Grayson.
Luke's POV
I just saw Brandon for who he is and let him have it. Mom and Dad came in to see what all the fuss was and Dad just left with Brandon. It's just me and Mom left in the room. Mom sits next to me on my bed.
"Luke, honey? What is this all about?" Her voice is soothing and so I calm down a little, but I am still mad.
Still angry, I say, "I'll tell you what this is about. My eyes are open now. That's what's up."
Without waiting for a response from her, I say, "I can't believe I fell for his act... Somehow, I knew I shouldn't have believed his lies. He was so convincing and I was gullible... That's not going to happen twice. --- I'm not that pathetic child anymore. No siree!! --- He is going to pay for this!"
"Luke? You are talking in riddles. Let me see if I can decipher this." Mom thinks for a second. "So `he' would be your brother and you think he lied to you. He also falsely acted a certain way to fool you and you fell for it and it makes you mad that your were gullible? You are so upset that you are going to punish him for this. How am I doing so far?"
"I think you pretty much summed it up, Mom. I'll never believe anything he has to say again."
Mom pats my leg and leaves it there. "Sweetie? I'm still not sure about what you are saying, that Brandon said to you, that has gotten you so worked up. I think you should take some time and think this over. Listen to your heart." She then moves her hand from my leg after giving it a gentle squeeze and moves it to my shoulder.
"Luke? One of the things I love most about you is your kind heart. You are a very feeling and loving person. Not just Grayson, but all your friends look up to you and respect you. Some of your friends are in your debt and have credited you for improving their relationship with their fathers and family members. You have done this just by being yourself. Your true self. Your father and I love you so much. I know your father just adores you."
Mom sure has a way of calming me down. I am still very upset with Brandon, but I'm not so raving mad.
"Luke. Your father and I also love your brother and sister just the same."
"But Mom..." I try to break in but she lifts her finger to cut me off.
"No buts!" Mom says. "You three kids are a part of us. We could no more hate one of you than we could hate one of our legs or hands. Your grandfather treated you father like an object that he owned and could do what ever he wanted to him. We see each of you kids as gifts. Something to cherish but not as objects, but as an extension of both of us as one. I don't know if this makes sense to you or not, but you will understand fully when you become a father. I have one question to give you. If your father and I started fighting and hated each other, how would you feel? You don't need to answer that, but just know, that is how we feel when you guys fight."
With that being said, she stands up and kisses me on the forehead and walks out of the room.
No POV
Grayson and Brandon are in the living room talking and Marie comes into the room and sees Grayson.
"Hello, Grayson. I'm glad you are here. Your best friend is in his room being scatter brained. I have him calmed down now but he could use some of your wisdom. He's not making much sense, so do your best." Marie guides him to the hallway.
Luke is laying on his bed, sitting up with his eyes closed just shaking his head. It kinda looks like he is having an argument with himself. Grayson enters the room and brings Luke out of his trance.
"Luuuuuuke!" Grayson says as he enters. Luke immediately opens his eyes in surprise. Grayson continues, "It looks like you're rocking to a song, but I don't hear any music."
"Hey Grayson." Luke says rather somberly and without emotion.
Grayson looks around the room and then looks behind the bedroom door. "Am I in the right room?" He mocks Luke's greeting. "Hey, Grayson. That's all I get? Really? Hey Grayson?"
"Yeah, well, that's all you get today. I'm in a really bad mood and I don't want to talk about it!"
Luke hates to be short with his friend, but he knows he can get away with it because they are close friends. It's not like Grayson is going to stop being his friend.
Grayson lifts his finger in the air. "Don't make me tickle you Luke, because I'll do it!" Before Luke could protest, Grayson started tickling Luke. He was careful not to tickle his right side where he hurt his ribs, but the left side was vulnerable and under his chin was open for attack. Under the chin was the most ticklish spot on Luke's body.
Luke protested. "Don't! Stop! I mean it."
Grayson repeats, "Don't stop? Okay, I won't stop." He attacks Luke with a vengeance. He now grabs both legs so they can't kick and he tickles Luke's second most vulnerable spot; his feet.
Luke is not happy, but he is so ticklish that he can't stop laughing. He tries and fails. He knows that he is fighting a losing battle and the only thing he can do is to give up.
"Okay, okay. Ha Ha. I give up! Pleeease! Ha Ha."
Grayson stops tickling Luke, but doesn't let go of his legs in case he has to start again. "Now start over. How do you greet your best friend?"
Luke says, "I'm rethinking the best friend status." Just then Grayson starts tickling Luke's feet again. "Okay, Okay. Ha Ha! Hi Graystone! How ya doing ol' buddy?"
"That's better. Good thing I didn't have to use the nuclear option." Grayson says while licking his index finger, "The wet Willie".
Luke shudders at the thought. There is nothing worse than this.
Grayson pulls up a chair. "Now where were we. Oh, I remember. You were going to tell me why you are Mr. Grumpy Pants today."
Luke raises one eyebrow and says, "I was? I don't think so!"
"Sure you were." Says Grayson. "You may not know it yet or don't want to, but we both know I always get my way. Don't waste our time since you're going to anyway. So spill it!"
Luke's POV
Grayson is right. He has a way to get me to open up and express my thoughts. Why fight it. I take a deep breath, close my eyes and exhale. I open my eyes and Grayson is waiting patiently for me to speak. I'm not really mad at Brandon, well, I am but not as much as before.
"I'm feeling a lot right now and it's like I'm on sensory overload. I want to smash something. I want to scream. I want to cry. I am hurt. What really makes me mad is that I feel stupid. I fell for his lies and he took advantage of my injuries. He's even glad I got hurt. Who does that? I can't believe that I thought that he changed. When did I get so gullible? Ahh, I don't know!"
Grayson is just sitting there without any emotion on his face. I would think that he would maybe be a little bit mad at Brandon or at least look upset. I've said my peace, so I'll just wait to see what he has to say about it all.
I wait about 2 minutes and I say, "Well?" He wanted me to spill it, so I spilled it.
"Okay, Luke". Grayson starts touching his chin with his thumb and index finger. "First off, thank you for expressing what you are feeling at the moment. Second, I want you to know that this is how you feel. I can't tell you that you should or should not feel a certain way. You feelings are real."
He shifts in his chair and folds his hands together taking a moment. I don't say anything for I have already said all I care to.
"I am going to be honest with you. I talked with Brandon a little while ago about what he thinks happened. We have gotten to know each other over the last few days and I have my own opinions about him. Now to sum it up. Years ago, you two had a falling out. He said some really nasty things and treated you like crap. He never apologized and even felt justified in what he did. He went to France for a year and you two were happy to have a few thousand miles between you. While he was there, he felt bad about how he treated you and wanted forgiveness for his mean acts. I think we can agree on this so far. Right?"
Everything he has said, I can agree with. So I nod my head.
"You loved your brother when you two were young. You were really close and he was a good big brother. Then things changed and he hurt you. He hurt you to your core. All you wanted, was to have your brother and probably your best friend to love you, and also like you. It's all you ever wanted. On the surface, you hated him, but deep down you never stopped loving him. I think that is why when he returned and he was talking with your mom about how bad he messed up and was so sorry, that maybe you could really get back what you wanted most. You wanted to believe him. You needed to be able to trust him. How am I doing so far?"
I say, "Yeah, I think most of what you have said is true."
"Good." Grayson says. He now sits back in his chair and crosses his legs. "You told him that you forgave him. I think you wanted to forgive him, but you never really did. That takes a lot of time and trust. He knew that and said that he'd take as much time as was needed, and do whatever it took to show you he was sincere. You didn't need him to have to prove it, because you could feel in your heart that he wanted to make amends and be your brother again."
"No!" I protested. "I did forgive him. He took advantage of my forgiveness."
"If you truly forgave him, then how come with the mere mention of Jennifer's name sent you questioning everything?" Grayson asked.
"Well," I said. "It's just that I remembered how bad I felt and how it shattered my world. It hurt so bad for a long time. Could you blame me?"
"No. Not at all and that is my point. It's not that you didn't want to forgive Brandon, it's that you couldn't fully forgive him. He was also struggling with the same thing. He couldn't forgive himself either. He didn't feel worthy of it. He hoped that he could some day feel peace."
"Yeah, then I got hurt." I said. "He even admitted that he was happy that I got hurt. He could now be nice to me and help me so that he could feel better about himself. He really put on a good show for everybody.... He didn't care about me, he just wanted redemption. He used my injury as an opportunity for himself and I fell for it. He made a fool out of me and I am pissed off about it."
"Is that what you really think?!" Grayson said while giving me a harsh look.
"Yes I do!"
"So do you blame me for your accident? Because had I not tossed the phone, you wouldn't have jumped for it and broke your arm." Grayson asked.
"You? Of course not. It was an accident. Poop happens! What has this to do with Brandon?"
"Brandon didn't cause your accident either. He had nothing to do with it, yet I feel you are blaming him somehow for it." Grayson says, though I'm not sure I agree with him. "You were in a lot of pain and were going into shock, so I don't know if you remember everything. When I called your house, Brandon was here within a minute and immediately went to you. He kept you calm and was showing you love. When you went in the ambulance, you were terrified. He wanted you to feel safe and not alone. He didn't have to do this. He could have said, `Oh well, maybe I'll see you in the hospital where a lot of people can see me being cool and think I'm an okay guy'."
"Yeah, but..." Grayson cuts me off.
"He could have done half what he did for you and received the same props from people and even you. He went beyond the call of duty. He gave his all to help you. He didn't do it out of guilt but out of love. Brotherly love."
"What would you know about brotherly love, Grayson? You're an only child."
Grayson just stares at me. I regret what I just said. "You ass!! Really? I can't believe you just said that to me! You're like a brother to me. I know a little what brotherly love is. It is what I feel for you. But I will never have what you have and that is a real brother. You only have one and if I were you, I would hold onto that tight."
"I'm sorry Grayson. I really am. I didn't really mean it. It's just that I was feeling you were taking his side. You are my best friend and you are suppose to have my back."
"I know you are Luke." Grayson said in a lower voice. "It's okay, and I forgive you. I just want to ask you a question...Are you glad we met?"
I am dumbfounded by that question. Why is he asking me that question? That is almost insulting. "Of course I'm happy we met. Meeting you and having your friendship is probably one of the best things that has ever happened to me. I am shocked that you would even ask me that! Have I given you any reason to believe otherwise?"
I'm wondering if I have hurt his feelings or offended him to the point he doesn't want to be my friend anymore. I know I have been hard to be around lately, but friends stick together when times are rough. That's what makes a true friend. Now, I am a little afraid for his response.
Grayson looks straight at me in the eye. "So, you admit that you are glad that Donald Cook was bulling me? You saw it as an opportunity to show off your martial arts and save the day. That way I would be forever in you debt and I would owe you! Right? Go ahead and say it because that is what you did. Our whole friendship has been a lie, and I fell for it. I bet you even set it up to have Donald pick on me so you could save me. I'm such an idiot."
I have an intense pain in my chest. Tears are welling up in my eyes that I can hardly see. This is so backwards to how I feel. It's hard for me to talk, but he has to know this isn't the truth.
"Grayson? No! That's not in the least bit true." I am pleading with him now. "You are the best friend I have ever had and hope to ever have. Please don't think this of me. When I saw Donald Cook pick on you, I knew I had to do something. I helped you because I wanted to help you. You needed help and I was happy that I was there to put him in his place. Because of that, I got the best friend ever. That day may have sucked for you, but it was the best day of my life. I found you. That doesn't make me happy that you were bullied. You have to know this. Can't you feel it in your heart that I am being sincere?"
I try to look at Grayson through my tears as they are running down my face. I see that his eyes are also full of tears. He smiles at me.
"I know that Luke." He puts one hand on my shoulder. "I believe every word you said, and I know it to be true. That day with Donald, I not only got a friend, but I gained a brother. I do not feel cheated for not having a brother, because I do have one. One in you. I am glad Donald bullied me, if that is what brought us together. I'd do it a thousand times if I had to."
I don't know if I can explain my feelings right now. I am so relieved. I feel so happy. No, I feel Joy. I am so blessed to have Grayson as my friend, my... as my brother. I hug him the best I can with my arm in a cast. I wish I didn't have this right now, so I could give him the biggest hug ever. He holds me tight and I don't even feel pain in my ribs. I move my head and kiss his cheek. I don't know why, I just did. Then he kissed my cheek. When we separate, I am bewildered.
"Grayson?" I ask. "If you already knew this all already.... Why did you put me through all this anguish. I thought you didn't want to be my friend anymore and was willing to throw that all away. I have never been so scared in my life. I know you are not a mean person, so why did you do that to me? Were you testing my friendship? How much I cared for you?"
Grayson smiles at me. "Because you needed to understand. You needed to hear your own words."
"What does that mean? I don't understand." I say to Grayson.
He put a hand on my shoulder and says, "You will. You will."
I'm baffled. "Can you at least give me a clue?
"Okay." He says. "One word. Brandon." And he walks out of the room.
"Brandon?" I say to myself. "What does Brandon have to do with this? I hate it when he talks in riddles."
No POV
Grayson comes back into the living room and sees Brandon sitting at the counter eating a sandwich. He goes to him. "Whatcha eatin'"?
Brandon see him and says, "A peanut butter sandwich with butter, peanut butter, jelly and topped with potato chips. So how did it go with Luke?"
Grayson says, "I gave him a lot to think about and I let him hear his own words. You've heard the expression: Give a man enough rope and he'll hang himself. It's kinda like that. So what I want you to do, is in a couple of minutes go into your room and look for something, find it, then sit or lie on your bed and see if he says anything."
Brandon says, "Why should I do that? What will that accomplish?"
"Don't ask questions." Grayson said. "Just do it."
A bewildered Brandon says, "Okay. You've never steered me wrong yet, so I'll trust you."
Brandon finishes his sandwich and proceeds to the bedroom. Luke is in there wondering why his best friend made him believe that he was upset with him.
Brandon walks in and doesn't say a word to Luke. If fact he doesn't even look at him. He goes to his dresser and spots and old watch and a pocket knife. He picks them both up and sits on his bed. He tries to see if it still works. He resets the time and shakes it. Nothing happens, so he turns it over to see if he can get into it. He grabs his knife and tries to open the back.
Luke's POV
I am watching Brandon, trying to figure what he is doing and why he is doing it. He doesn't even wear a watch anymore. None of us do. There is the correct time on our phones. Dad said that back in the olden days, they had to call POP-CORN. Hey, that is what Grayson and I were going to do when I broke my arm. I remember that Dad and Brandon were there real quick. Brandon came to me before Dad did. I was scared when they put me in the ambulance and I was going to go by myself. Brandon pleaded with Dad to let him go with me. He went with me and was by my side almost every moment. He stayed with me at the hospital all night long.
I hear Brandon make a frustrating "AH!" sound that snaps me back to reality. He picks up his watch and knife and leaves the room, still not even looking at me. I go back to my original assignment from Grayson as to why he said those mean things to me. Let's see. What did he say and what is the clue?
"So, you admit that you are glad that Donald Cook was bulling me? You saw it as an opportunity to show off your martial arts and save the day. That way I would be forever in you debt and I would owe you! Right? Go ahead and say it because that is what you did. Our whole friendship has been a lie, and I fell for it. I bet you even set it up to have Donald pick on me so you could save me. I'm such an idiot." I remember word for word what he said. I thought I had lost the best friend I had ever had over a misunderstanding.
Wait why does this sound familiar and I remember that Brandon is the clue. What does Brandon have to do with..."So what you are saying, is that because I got hurt it gave you an opportunity to show me that you were a changed person. You were able to help me with almost everything and are now able to prove to yourself that you are worthy of the forgiveness I already gave you?" I remember saying that.
I also said, "This is about YOU! You needed to feel better about yourself! You are glad that I got hurt. You don't really care about me!!"......."Ha!!! You just want to love yourself. You don't care about me! It's all a lie!! You just want redemption!! I can't believe I almost fell for it. I'm such an idiot, and you are still scum!"
I feel the blood run out of my head, so I lie down before I fall down. What have I done? I just stare at the ceiling and just let the thoughts flow through my mind. The words I said to Brandon were so hurtful. I wanted to hurt him like he hurt me. Like he hurt me? I am just as bad as he was when he hurt me. I don't want to be that person. He doesn't want to be that person either. If he feels half the regret I do, he must have been in agony. If I hurt him half what Grayson hurt me when he said those hateful things, he must be in agony. The only difference is that when Grayson said those words, he didn't mean it. He was just making a point and I heard my own words. I meant it at the time I said what I said to my brother....my brother. He wasn't glad I got hurt, he was glad to be there when I needed him most. He was able to prove to me that he loved me. He probably would have spent weeks or months showing me he loved me and cared about me, and was truly sorry for before. Because I got hurt, he was a brother to me. He proved that he cared about me and loved me. If felt so good to have my brother back. That's why he was happy. Then I ruined it. I'm the idiot. I'm the jerk. How can I ever look at him again? Have I ruined the best thing to ever happen to me?
I turn over and grab my pillow. I just start crying into my pillow. I try to muffle the sounds with my pillow. Now I know what Brandon felt like when he said that he wasn't worthy of forgiveness and didn't know if he could ever forgive himself for what he did to me. Will he ever forgive me?
Just then I feel two hands on my shoulder. I look up through the tears and I see Grayson and Brandon standing there. In shame, I hide my face into the pillow. "Go away! Just leave me alone." I say through the pillow.
Brandon kneels next to my bed and kisses my head. He then says, "Luke". His voice is so pure. So calming. I look up in his tear filled eyes and I only see love. "Luke. It's okay."
"No! It's not okay!" I say. "How could I be so blind? You have been nothing but kind to me since you came home. I am so ashamed for what I said today. I have never been so sorry for anything in my life." I lower my head. "I just...I don't know. I want to ask... but I can't. I don't deserve..."
"Luke." Brandon says. "Just ask me?"
"What?"
"Just ask me." Brandon repeats.
I then remember what I said to Brandon when he was talking to Mom and I wanted to believe that he was sorry and wanted my forgiveness. I just told him to ask me. So I wipe my eyes and I look into his. "Will you forgive me?"
Brandon smiles, "I already have."
I sit up and Brandon sits next to me. I put my left arm around his waist and I lay my head in the crook of his neck. "I love you, Brandon."
He puts both arms around me and kisses the top of my head. "I love you, more....my brother."
We stay this way for a couple of minutes, then Grayson says, "If you two girls are done, how about if we play some video games?"
I protest. "Now don't you start being mean. You know I can't play with one hand."
Brandon says to Grayson, "You didn't give him the box?"
"Box? What box?" I ask.
"No way! He was being a butt." Grayson says, "I wasn't going to reward him."
"Come on guys." I say.
"Well," Brandon says. I guess he has made up for it. I think we should give it to him."
I beg, "Pleeease!"
"If you say so, Brandon." Grayson says. "After all, you did spend every last dime to get it for him." He then leaves the room.
"You what? Really?" I say.
Grayson comes back in with a box that says, Amazon on it and hands it to me. "You are going to love this. It just arrived this morning."
I have no idea what it is, but Brandon must have ordered it at least a couple days ago. Grayson helps me open the box and I lift the lid and there is another box that says, `DualSense One-Handed Adapter.' The picture shows a kid playing with just one hand. I can't believe Brandon bought this for me. I just stare at it.
Brandon says, "So! Do you like it?"
I am so overwhelmed that I can't talk. I start to cry. I squeak out, "It's the most wonderful thing I have ever seen in my life." I look at Brandon, "You are the best... I love you so much!" I kiss him on the right cheek and then on the left. I look into his eyes and then I kiss him on the lips and take him into a hug. I say, "Je t'aime mon frère."
"Je t'aime aussi, mon frère." Brandon says back to me.
I really do have my brother back. I realize that we are very much the same. We can be loving or we can be butt-holes, but we have each other. I'm never letting him go again. Brandon is in no hurry to let me go either. I wish I didn't have this stupid cast on so I could really give him a full on hug.
Grayson is growing impatient. "Come on, guys! You have been hugging for 10 minutes. I want to play some video games." He whines.
We stand up still in each other's arms and Brandon opens his arm to Grayson. "Come here, Grayson. This is because of you so get over here!"
Grayson joins us to make a three man hug. Brandon and I both kiss him on opposite cheeks and he is visibly surprised. I notice it and I say, "Get used to it Graystone. brothers hug!" Brandon jumps in, "And they kiss too." I say, "You are our brother now. Right Brandon?"
Brandon smiles and says to Grayson, "Yeah, and we are now your brothers too."
Grayson smile get as wide as I have ever seen it. "Really? I always wanted a brother and now I have two?" He is all choked up and can't speak now.
After a moment, we separate and Brandon sits on the computer chair and Grayson and I both sit on my bed. Brandon is first to speak.
"Today is only half over and I am exhausted both physically and mentally. It has been an emotional roller coaster. I'm sure it has been for the both of you too. Luke? I need to say something and Grayson, you can be the judge. I'm truly hoping that we can put this thing to rest between us, once and for all. I just want to say for one final time, that I am sorry. I also want you to know that I understand what you went through and why you have treated me the way you have too."
Brandon starts to tear up and I think I feel what he is feeling too. He bows his head, closes his eyes for a moment and takes a deep breath before he continues.
"Luke. My heart has been twisted and wrenched so much this week that I don't think I'd survive another episode. I need to trust you are willing to climb above this. I know that trust comes over time. When we fully trust each other, we will have truly forgiven each other. I will strive to earn your trust. If there are any other issues that haven't been resolved, I need them to be resolved too."
"I know what you mean, Brandon, I feel the same way. I think I now know that real forgiveness doesn't just happen. It comes when trust is restored. I'm sure with my arm, I am more stressed that I normally would be and not so compromising. It's just been so frustrating. I'm sorry if I took it out on you or you Grayson."
"Okay, guys." Grayson said. "I think we have made real headway here. Just so you know, I'm gonna hold both you to it. You won't want to mess with Graystone the Barbarian."
He does that "Hulk" flexing pose, grunts and we all laugh.
"But seriously, guys." Grayson says. "I am elated that you two are working out your issues and really want to be best brothers. That's like best friends and close brothers. I made that up myself. That, and you guys want me to be your brother too, makes me.....I'm not going to cry. There's been enough of that today....it makes me feel the happiest I have been since my Mom died. Ahh, (sniff, sniff). Dang it!" He takes a moment to compose himself. "Okay! How about we fire up the PlayStation and see if Luke is any good with that adapter. I brought World War Z: Aftermath."
"You got that game? I've been wanting to get that game since it came out! Cool!!"
My stomach growls and Brandon heard it. He says, "How about you guys get it all set up and I make Luke some lunch. Peanut Butter, Butter and Jelly on white, sir Luke?"
"You know it Big Bro, and don't forget the chips in the middle too."
"I wouldn't dream of it lil' bro, and I'll bring root beer for all." Brandon says.