Chapter 9 - Snow, Fresh Food and Fire
After breakfast, while everyone in the castle was at Mass, Tamas, the boys and me, slipped out of the castle and down to the village. The road was icy and very slippery, forcing us to walk slowly and carefully. I preferred it to spring, however, when the road would be knee-deep in mud and hidden potholes. The fields stretched out to either side of the road, snuggly sleeping under heavy blankets of white. Kinna and Bitte raced up and down the shoulders of the road, one on each side, throwing packed snow at each other and shouting, their voices drifting off, like the puffs of their breath, across the empty fields.
Tamas kept one hand under my elbow to support me and as I walked, I pulled my heavy fur lined cape tightly around me. My toes were cold even in the double pair of woolen socks and my hands ached despite the strips of woolen cloth wrapped around them. All four of us were bundled in extra layers of clothing, fur-lined cote-hardies over top of quilted doublets. Kinna's cote-hardie had an attached hood of blue cloth. Bitte and I wore chaperons; I also wore a scarf because the collar of my cape wasn't very high as I rarely went outside in winter. Tamas' face peering out from under his hood shone with pleasure and then concern when he turned his head to check on me.
Snow had fallen the night before covering the world in soft, blinding glory. The battered city walls were pleasantly decorated in wreaths of white, inside the snow hid the worn condition of the poorer homes, making them look charming and welcoming with smoke rising from their chimneys. By the time we arrived in town, Mass was over and people were pouring out of the tiny church. Several of Tamas' neighbors caught sight of him and quickly surrounded him, pelting him with questions; wondering why he was home, how his journeymanship was going, and whether he'd be home permanently by planting time. As I stood there, hopping from one half-frozen foot to the other and vainly trying to warm my hands in my armpits, I realized just how popular and well loved the red head was in town.
Finally, Tamas was able to pull himself away with many promises to visit, especially to the old aunties and uncles who were feeling the winter cold as bitterly as I was. As we neared the smithy, Tamas sent Kinna home to his mother's cottage.
"You can come back AFTER yeh greet yer Mum and let her cry o'er yeh a bit," he said grinning at the small boy's pout. He tapped Kinna on the nose, "You need to let your Mum know yeh're all ri', you know she's been worrying."
Kinna grinned and snickered at Tamas. He made a sketchy bow and shot off across the cul-de-sac towards one of the small cottages on the far side. Bitte sighed and I squeezed his shoulder, wishing I could arrange for him to see his grandmother, but I was sure the Gypsies were far away to the south, where it was a bit warmer. Tamas' hand slipped under my cape and clutching my hand; he started across the square so abruptly I had to jump forward to keep from falling. Suddenly, I felt quite guilty for my own gloom the last couple of months; it was obvious that Tamas had missed home as well.
The smithy was empty, of course, and Tamas stopped for a moment breathing in the sight and smell of it. He smiled softly perhaps recalling memories of growing up there. Nothing looked changed to me, the hammers lined up under the forge, the tongs and other tools hung neatly on the wooden supports on either side of the anvil; the workbenches still cluttered with small tools and pieces of metal. Tamas closed the door behind him and crossed the smithy, without letting go of my hand, to the door leading out into the courtyard. He opened the door and we stepped out into the snow-covered courtyard. I sucked in my breath in pleasure. Beside me, Bitte whispered a soft exclamation. Stretching out in front of us was a shimmering blanket of diamonds, broken only by a neatly shoveled path running from the smithy to the kitchen door. Tiny diamonds glittered on the branches of the shade tree and around the top of the well. My usual spot near the house was hidden under the snow, the rose bush leaning forward to protect it. Despite the cold, I was enthralled by the scene.
Nayne let out a scream of surprise and shock; nearly dropping the pot of stew, she was carrying to the table when Tamas stepped through the kitchen door. Fortunately, for all involved, Gisela caught the pot and saved the dinner. Nayne's cry brought Noah and Teru from the other room, expecting a Viking invasion or something of that nature. They both pounded Tamas' back and shouted questions at him. Grandfather was a little slower but no less pleased to see his grandson.
"Tamas Kindersson, what are you doing here?" Nayne demanded. Tamas hugged his mother around the shoulders and bent to kiss her cheek.
"Home for Christmas, Mum," he said. "Master Colin told me to go; you know how seriously most Northerners take their family obligations."
"Tamas," Nayne said shaking her head. We both knew he was referring to Kinder.
Tamas just shrugged, his jaw thrust out stubbornly. Nayne sighed and glanced at me over his shoulder. I shrugged as well; I had already decided I would stay out, insofar as I was able, of the problem between Tamas and his father. My gut told me that it was something they had to resolve on their own.
Nayne wasn't one to let anything sour her holidays or waste her hard work and in a moment, she was shooing us to the table. Kinna burst in through the door as Tamas was breaking the second loaf of bread. He squirmed into his usual spot between Noah and Teru and waited for Nayne to hand him a bowl of stew. Tamas eyed him with a raised eyebrow and he grinned in return as he took the proffered piece of bread.
It being the day before Christmas Eve, everyone was excited, talking loudly and rapidly as if there was no more time to say everything. Nayne had scrimped and saved to buy the goose waiting in the pantry for Christmas and together with Gisela, she would spend the next day baking bread, pastries and mince pies. I could hardly wait to smell them much less to eat them!
After dinner, Tamas decided it was the perfect time to go hunting a Yule Log in the nearby forest. Teru and Noah enthusiastically offered to go along, as did Kinna and Bitte. Grandfather just shook his head and murmured something about hot-blooded youth. I groaned at the thought of being out in the cold again, but I still wanted to go with them. I had never been included in such activities and it felt good to be a part of the group. Tamas sent Teru to Sayji's place to borrow his horse and his brother Will`s sleigh, while he and Noah borrowed a double saw from the woodcutter.
Nayne also disappeared, returning several minutes later, her arms laden with warm blankets including her down filled quilt. The quilt was made of patches of colorful pieces of cloth, folded and sewn together in the shapes of stars and half-moons, and exquisitely sewn with tiny, nearly invisible stitches. When she handed it to me, I demurred about taking her warm quilt and possibly getting it wet.
"Nicco!" She said sharply, planting her hands on her hips. Her eyes flashed in anger. "D'you think I'd let a wee lad like you go out into the forest and freeze. You've no meat on your bones, unlike that great hulking son of mine; you'll freeze while they're all wandering about staring up at trees!"
I grinned at her, knowing I was outflanked and took the blankets. By this time, the others were back and their shouts echoed across the courtyard, calling Bitte and me to join them. Bitte carried one blanket and I took the others out to the sleigh. The sleigh was big enough for four adults or six children with wide benches and high curving sides. Tamas and Teru were lashing the long doubled handed saw to a frame attached to the off side of the sleigh.
Climbing into the sleigh, I wrapped the quilt around my shoulders before sitting down. Bitte wrapped my legs snugly with one of the other blankets, while I protested that I wasn`t an old man; the rest he wedged between the side of the sleigh and my hip. I was certain they would be needed before the day was over. He hopped up beside me and I dropped the edge of the quilt over his shoulders. Kinna and Noah climbed up and sat on the bench opposite, followed by a lean boy about Bitte's age. Blond curly hair framed his face inside a red hood; Noah introduced him as Sayji's oldest boy, Kit. He bowed quickly to me and plopped down between Kinna and Noah. Tamas reached over and grabbed his hood giving it a tug. Kit clutched at his hood and stuck his tongue out at Tamas, who laughed.
For a moment, I felt irrationally jealous of so many people who had shared Tamas' life for so many years. Squeezing my eyes shut, I pushed those negative thoughts out of my head. My nursemaid used to tell me such thoughts opened the soul to devils and while the rational part of my mind professed not believe her, the part of me enthralled by dragons wasn't quite so certain. When I opened my eyes, I saw Kinna and Kit head to head whispering to one another. Noah studied them with the amusement of a boy too old to be a child but not yet, a man and I recalled that he would be sixteen shortly after Christmas.
Beside me, Bitte leaned against my arm watching the other two boys with longing, certainly being `the cursed child' had not given him a life of companionship with his age mates. I hugged his shoulder sympathetically; I knew everything there was to know about being left out. He smiled up at me.
"We ready?" Tamas asked. A chorus of `hais' answered him and he grinned.
However, before we could leave, Nayne burst out of the smithy, carrying a pair of metal jugs. She handed them to Tamas and I smelled soup and mulled wine; Gisela handed up a small wood box packed with mugs, which Bitte took with a smile that brought a blush to her face. He stowed the box and the jugs under the seat before crawling back under the quilt with me.
Taking the horse by the reins, whom I remembered with a start, was also named Molly, Tamas started forward up the Street of the Carpenters towards the gate. Molly shied and walked sideways in her harness and I remembered Tamas telling me that horses didn't like the `dragon stink'. Teru took a position on the other side of Molly's head, and caught her bridle. He spoke soothingly to her. Tamas talked softly to her and she settled down, perhaps she remembered his voice and knew this dragon wouldn't eat her. Teru asked Tamas a question and their voices floating backwards as Teru queried him about the last two months. I listened for a bit but the discussion was far too esoteric for me to understand, so I stared off into the snow, thinking about the next two weeks and how swiftly they would pass.
A peal of laughter brought my attention back to the sleigh; Kinna and Kit were rocking on the bench. Kinna leaned forward, still laughing, and grabbed Bitte's hand pulling him almost off the bench. Bitte scrambled for his footing and fell into a heap between the other two boys. Noah let out a grunt as he banged into the side of the sleigh. With a scowl, he rose from the bench and moved over by me.
"Hallo Noah," I said softly to the boy beside me, who moments before had been staring at the broad back of his future Master.
"Oh! Umm hallo Nicco," he said blushing. The blush was totally charming under his green hood. I thought he looked even more elfin than ever with the blush and hood bringing out his eyes so well.
"He is captivating, isn't he?" I nodded towards Tamas' back.
Noah blushed again and looked at his hands without a word. I worked a woolen wrapped hand out of the quilt and tipped his chin up. Really, I couldn't understand why the boy wasn't besieged with admirers, except that I knew he was quite shy and tended to blend into the background wherever he was. I, also, now knew for certain one more thing about him, something that had teased at the back of my mind for a few months now.
"You like him, don't you?" I asked letting go of his chin and jerking my own towards the red headed smith. The boy, beside me, nodded miserably and stared at his hands again.
"I'm sorry, Nicco," he whispered miserably.
"No," I said, "I should be apologizing to you for taking him away."
"No." Noah said shortly. He raised his head and looked me in the eye. "E was nivver mine, tha fire, it scaires me, it does. Ah run in fear o' it, an' e'd nivver love anyone what couldn't accept tha fire."
I nodded recognizing that Noah was quite perceptive about his employer. Tamas would indeed never give his heart to someone afraid of his flame. Why wasn't I afraid of it, I wondered, not quite sure of the answer myself.
"Teru, e tole me bout tha fire rite, that yeh were ready to dive inta tha flame to catch im." Noah's eyes were wide. "Ah could nivvver do that, me feet would nivvver move, Ahd be too scaired."
"Well," I said leaning over very close to the boy's ear. "Between you and me, I was so scared I nearly pissed myself."
The boy choked with laughter; Kinna looked up and demanded to know what was so funny, but I just waved dismissingly at him. Bitte's black eyes under his pale gray chaperon twinkled with amusement. I winked at him and Kinna demanded again to know what was going on. Bitte reached over and pulled the younger boy's hood over his eyes. Kinna howled in outrage as Kit and Bitte roared in laughter.
"Friends?" I asked Noah softly. He nodded.
"Thank you, Nicco."
"For what?" I asked genuinely puzzled.
"Fer no bein' angry," he said breathlessly.
"Nothing to be angry about," I mused. "You can't help what your heart does." I winked at him. "Especially with something that breathtaking under your nose all the time."
I finished in a tone of awe, hearing myself repeat almost the same words Kinder had used in describing his falling for Nayne. I puzzled once again about why the red headed smith had chosen me of all people to fall in love with. Me, the useless cripple, only good for running errands was what I had thought of myself. However, since meeting Tamas, I'd come to realize that I had more to me, I had become a man with obligations to people and love to give.
I was still contemplating everything I had learned that morning when we reached the forest. Thick brush blocked our entry with the horse and sleigh, so Tamas tied Molly's reins to a tree and the boys piled out of the sleigh fanning out in all directions. I knew there were only four lads but somehow they looked like twenty flitting through the trees; a flash of red hood here, gray chaperon there, green hood over there and Kinna's blue hood seemed to be everywhere simultaneously.
Tamas offered me a steadying hand down out of the sleigh, which I took with gratitude tinged with embarrassment as I debated about protesting that I was not a girl. The snow crunched loudly under our feet echoing in time with the noise of the boys. White puffs of breath preceded us into the dark woods, where to my pleasure, the snow wasn't as deep and it was easier to keep up the two smiths.
It didn't take long for Tamas to find a recent windfall that would make a perfect Yule Log. He and Teru, spelled by Noah, Kit and Bitte, cut an arm's length section of it and carried it out of the woods, Tamas on one end and Teru on the other. They loaded it on the sleigh with much maneuvering and some truly creative swear words. Bitte retrieved the two jugs and the box of mugs carrying them to a sheltered spot where Kit and Kinna were piling up wood for a fire. Tamas eyed the pile speculatively and then snapped his fingers. Flame roared up and the two boys tumbled backwards into the snow. Bitte eased the metal jugs into the edges of the fire before leaning forward to warm himself.
Tamas carried the remaining piece of the windfall over and with a flourish placed it near the fire for me to sit on. Kinna giggled and Kit looked on with huge eyes as Tamas laid a blanket over the log and gestured for me to sit down.
"Tamas," I said trying hard not to laugh myself. "I'm not a princess; I can sit on the ground like the rest of you."
"Nah, nah," he said. "Yeh know if yeh sit in the snow, yeh'll get all cold and sore. Yeh sit on the stump." He leaned close to my ear, his eyes twinkling with mischief.
"Or do yeh want to sit in my lap?"
I sputtered and popped him on the arm. Wrapping my cloak around me, I perched on the stump as regally as I could. Mother's lessons in deportment weren't entirely in vain apparently. Kit looked at Kinna, who grinned and then climbed into my lap. I hugged the small boy and wrapped a corner of my cloak around him.
"Thass my spot," Tamas said, his voice echoing the sibilance of Kinder's accent.
"He's freezing, Tamas," I said sharply. "Look, his boots and breeches are soaked through!"
"And you in my lap is too great a cross even for me to bear," I added with a laugh.
Kinna stuck his tongue out at Tamas, who growled and made a playful swipe for it, but his eyes were assessing the small boy's soaked clothes and blue lips. Bitte brought us mugs of mulled wine heated in the fire. He handed one to Kinna, who took it and promptly burned his tongue on the contents. Bitte sighed exasperated; he'd just been on the brink of warning the boy that the wine was hot. With another sigh, he scooped up some snow to cool the child's tongue. He started to hand the second mug to Tamas, who shook his head.
"Tis my turn today, Bitte," he said squatting down in front of me. Reaching out he took my free hand in his and plucked at the wrappings.
"You can't hold the mug with your hand all wrapped up, now can you?" He asked softly.
"No, I can't" I agreed. "Thank you Tamas."
Tamas unwrapped down to the thin layer wrapped around my right hand from the first finger knuckles down around my wrist. He gently stroked my hand from wrist to fingertips, heat pouring out and warming my aching joints. I gave a sigh of pleasure that turned into a gasp of surprise as he tipped his head and lightly ran his tongue across my fingers. Straightening up, he tucked the wrappings inside his many layers of clothing and took Kinna from me. Holding the boy secure in his arms, Kinna's small arms wrapped around his neck and legs around his waist, he started to glow. Waves of heat, like the hottest summer day radiated off him, melting the snow under his feet. Steam rose from Kinna's clothes and hair.
"Careful," I said softly, taking the mulled wine from Bitte. "Don't burn the boy."
Tamas nodded and blew lightly across the small boy's ear. Kinna shifted and leaned forward on his master's shoulder. I sipped my wine as I watched the two, there was an intimacy there I was extremely jealous of even though I knew it wasn't sexual. It wasn't that I wanted Tamas to hold and warm me up because I knew I had only to ask for that, but rather an ease with each other that I marveled at and wanted for myself.
Bitte returned while I was still musing over my feelings and handed me a mug of hot soup. He also gave one to Kinna, who was about half-asleep. Over Bitte's shoulder, I nodded to Tamas and then to Noah. Tamas tipped his head in acknowledgement. He carried Kinna to the sleigh and wrapped him in a blanket.
"Don' spill thah now," he said sternly to the small boy, who stretched his eyes wide and sipped his soup in earnest.
Tamas stepped back from the sleigh, he turned around with a grin and a flourish as he whipped off his cape; dropping it onto the sleigh bench. Freed from the hood, his braid tumbled over his shoulder swinging back and forth.
"Who's next?" He asked with a grin.
He scooped Bitte up, who squealed out a protest but his resistance was a token one at best. I could see his feet were wet and so were the knees of his breeches; I was certain even his hose underneath were wet. Tamas glowed and a sigh of pleasure escaped Bitte's lips as he went limp in Tamas' arms, relaxing under the assault from the heat. Tamas grinned and stroked the boy's head gently. He tipped his head forward and murmured something softly in Bitte's ear. Bitte flushed in pleasure and leaned back against Tamas' shoulder. Tamas set him down in the sleigh beside Kinna and handed him a mug of soup that Teru held out to him.
Kit was easy to catch, all but launching himself into the warming grasp of the red head, but Noah had moved behind me. The apprentice's eyes were wide, his fear the fear that shy people feel when someone approaches too closely. Tamas reached over my shoulder and caught the blond boy by the chin. Noah flinched but he stood his ground, looking his future Master in the eye. Tamas swung his arm slowly sideways and Noah followed, pulled along by the gentle fingers on his chin; Tamas bent his elbow and took a half step forward. Tension radiated off Noah like heat off the sun, as Tamas wrapped his arms around the boy's slender frame. He pulled Noah up close enough to feel the heat but not quite close enough to touch beyond arms and hands. He tipped his head and whispered to him as well. I couldn't hear what he said but the boy turned bright red and sniffed back tears.
Heat flowed off Tamas once again, engulfing the slender apprentice and himself. Steam rose off Noah's clothing enshrouding both boys in a light mist. I felt anew that familiar stab of irrational jealousy; hastily pushed away. Tamas let go of Noah and stepped back, his foot slipping a little on a patch of rapidly freezing melted snow. Teru reached out and caught his elbow steadying him. Tamas quirked an eyebrow at him.
"I'm no holding yeh," Tamas said looking fiercely at Teru, who backed up a couple paces, hands held out in front of him.
Tamas put out a hand to me and I handed him my mug. He scowled at me and took the mug handing it over to Teru, who stowed it in the box. He reached into his cote-hardie and through his doublet to his shirt where he'd earlier stowed the wrappings for my hand. He pulled the strip of wool out and held out his hand again. I laid my hand in his.
"Twill is extra warm now," he said softly. He wrapped my hand in the hot wool quickly so as little heat would be lost as possible. He tied it securely around my wrist, before leaning forward and kissing my hand. I flushed feeling heat flooding my body from my wrist to my crotch to my toes.
"Yeh want us to wait fer ya, Tam?" Teru asked drolly.
Tamas tilted his head and snarled out a spectacularly foul curse. Teru laughed and lifted the box of mugs to his shoulder, carrying them to the sleigh.
"Tamas!" I said sharply. "There are children here!"
"Heh, make no nivver mind aboot tha," Teru said, looking into the sleigh. "Theh all asleep. Wored ri' out, theh is." He grinned and stowed the box under the seat.
Climbing into the sleigh, I found a pile of sleeping boys looking rather like puppies, Kinna's head in Bitte's lap, Bitte laying on Kinna's hip and Kit asleep against Bitte's shoulder. A dazed looking Noah was wrapping them in Tamas' heavy travel cloak. I sat down and pulled up my knees, resting my chin on them, replaying the feel of Tamas' hands on my own.
The ride back to the town was quiet and unbroken by the antics of young boys. Noah seemed as lost in his own thoughts as I was in mine, so we left each other to our respective thoughts. When we arrived at the town gates, the boys roused from their sleep, Kinna rubbed his eyes and yawned. Bitte slipped into the seat beside me with a whispered apology for neglecting his duties. I ruffled his hair and waved away his concerns.
Everyone spent the rest of the evening at the fire in the main room of Tamas' house, eating hot food; drinking mulled wine and listening to Tamas describe the town and smithy in Wallingford. Wrapped in a blanket and Tamas' arm, Bitte's head on my leg, I felt the warmest and the happiest I'd ever felt in my life. For the first time, I also felt that there was a reason for my being born. I had Tamas and Bitte now, as well as the rest of Tamas' household, people I cared very deeply for and wanted to keep close to me forever.
The next morning, I awoke to the sound of pounding feet on the stairs. I sat up and stretched, the cold air making my breath visible in white puffs that floated lazily away towards the door. I blew on my hands and felt the warm air rebound across my lips and cheeks. Beside me, Tamas slept, one arm stretched possessively across my hips. I brushed a stray tendril of hair out of his face and awkwardly tucked it behind his ear. A small bite mark glowed against the pale skin of his neck. I blushed in embarrassment and touched it lightly. Tamas shifted in the bed, but didn't wake up.
I slid out of bed and dressed quickly in the cold air. It was strangely odd to dress myself after having Bitte around for so long and I fumbled awkwardly with my buttons. But nevertheless, by the time Tamas woke up and stumbled half dressed down to the kitchen, I was perched on a stool by the fire, drinking warm wine and telling everyone a story, about the current king's great-great-grandfather, which I had read earlier in the week. Tamas stopped in the doorway gripping the frame and leaning into the room. He must have just thrown on his clothes as his shirt hung loose at the waist and untied at the throat and his hose was plain. He also hadn't stopped to grab his boots and I wondered briefly if he'd planned to run through the snow in just hose.
"Oh sweet heaven, I thought I'd been dreamin again," he said, his knuckles white on the doorframe.
Nayne smiled and handing the stirring spoon to Gisela, walked over to her son. She stretched up and kissed his cheek. Perhaps only she and I understood just how much Tamas had missed his home. She ruffled his hair and shooed him back upstairs to finish dressing. He left with a sharp glance at me over his shoulder; I felt my face heat up from the intensity of his look.
Tamas returned a short time later, properly dressed and clamoring for food. He grabbed Teru and Noah and dragged them outside to fetch in the table and benches, while the boys fetched tattered old blankets from the pantry, to lie on the wet benches. After breakfast, Noah and Teru took off to their own pursuits and Nayne sent Kinna home with a pot of lentil soup and several loaves of fresh bread. Tamas watched him lug the feast across the square.
"She has many wee ones to feed," he said. "Two younger than Kinna. Her man was kilt in a fall from a roof he was repairin, just after the baby was born. Musta been about two year ago, I reckon."
"Oh, the poor woman," I murmured.
"Hai, but she's a good woman, that one. Keeps them fed and warm. The oldest two are apprenticed to carpenters and Kinna to me. Keeps `em busy and a few less mouths to feed." He grinned at me. "Lest yeh start feelin overly sorry for her, she drives a hard bargain and is a shrewd haggler."
He chuckled and took my hand pulling me, as usual, across the square towards High Street. We spent the rest of the morning ducking in and out of the small shops looking for things Tamas needed and for gifts to give at New Year`s. For lunch, we ate in the only pub in town, the food was plain but there was plenty of it.
We spent the rest of the day in Tamas' room, in varying states of undress as we heated up and cooled down. Having Tamas around in the winter was akin to having a small sun in your room and for the first time in my life, I actually didn't mind getting undressed in the winter. Bitte brought us dinner and I queried him on his day, worried that he'd felt neglected by my preoccupation with Tamas. He cheerfully assured me that he'd been helping Nayne clean and ready the small house for the Christmas celebration on the morrow. His black eyes danced and his cheeks were flushed as he talked; this was quite likely the first Christmas celebration of his life, as I was certain the Gypsies didn't celebrate the holiday or at the least not the way we did. I ruffled his hair and sent him back to Nayne bubbling with enthusiasm and excitement for the morrow.
Christmas morning dawned snowy and silent, even the church bells ringing sounded muted and far away. I had to attend Christmas Mass with Mother, but because of the holiday, half of the village would be crowded into the castle church. Nayne and Gisela wearing their newest and finest houppelandes crowded into Sayji's sleigh with his wife, mother and a couple young girls. Kinna solemnly related this part to me much later, since I had left the smithy at daybreak to attend to Mother before she became suspicious of my absence.
Mother was in a fine mood, feeling very gracious and companionable, and rather distracted from me by the surprise arrival of my sister Sarrit and her three children the day before, so consequently I could slip into the crowd after Mass and visit with Master Madoc's family and with Tamas'. Mother had been disappointed about my begging off on attending the castle feast, especially in light of my sister and her family's presence in the castle, but not unduly skeptical. In all honesty, she was far more interested in Sarrit and her children to worry much about her unsociable, crippled youngest son. Hence my lack of sociability the last three or so years served well as a shield to shelter my activities from prying eyes and it wasn't long after Mass ended that Bitte and I left for town.
Tamas met us at the town gates, having left his mother and Gisela commanding the other fellows in preparing for the feast. I sent Bitte ahead to lend a hand while Tamas and I strolled leisurely towards the smithy. Tamas threw the edge of his cape around my shoulders and looped his arm around my waist tugging me close to his body. Heat poured out of him warming me and making me feel just a little drowsy and just a wee shy from the show of intimacy in public. The snow underfoot crunched loudly and overhead, the morning snow let up and the sun played peek-a-boo through the clouds. All around children were running, shouting, throwing snow at each other, freed from their usual chores by the holiday. Most likely, Tamas pointed out, shooed outdoors so there was room in the kitchen for visiting adults to chat and prepare for dinner.
The smithy was ominously dark in contrast with the brightness of outside and I glanced around nervously until we exited into the courtyard and crossed to the house. The kitchen was a flurry of activity, Nayne like a general commanding her troops as Gisela, Bitte and Kinna flew hither and yon fetching whatever she required. I could smell the pudding reheating and the goose crackling on the spit. My stomach rumbled causing the two boys to cover their mouths and giggle. I blushed and even Gisela snickered. Tamas ducked through, snagging a piece of hot goose and getting smacked by the spoon his mother was using to stir the soup. He and Teru returned a moment later and went out to the stable to fetch the Yule Log. Inquiring about what I could do to help, Nayne sent me upstairs to her room to fetch down the holiday tablecloth. I wasn't certain I felt right about going into her bedroom but Nayne fixed me with a glare that said 'I'm too busy to argue with you, now go!' and with a wave of her hand, I was on my way up the stairs.
Nayne's room was smaller than Tamas' and ran side to side over the downstairs main room so it was only open to the front stairs unlike Tamas', which ran front to back over the main room and the kitchen, so opened to either stairway with a small walkway behind Nayne`s room leading to Tamas' rear door. I passed through Tamas' room to the front entry at the top of the stairs and then into Nayne's room. The room was clean and tidy with a bed, against the far wall close to the chimney from the fireplaces downstairs. A window, above a small table, looked out toward the smithy. A hammered mirror in a silver frame sat on the table along with a brush and a couple combs. The delicacy of the mirror's frame made me wonder if Kinder had made it especially for her.
A large trunk sat near the door; pushed up as far under the eaves as possible and I had to pull it out to open it. Colored cloth, meticulously folded, greeted my gaze. Carefully I lifted edges until I found the one I wanted; awkwardly I tugged it out mussing up some of the other cloths. I sighed in frustration, folding was nearly impossible for me so there was no way to fix the mess. Closing the trunk, I pushed it back up under the eaves and stood up. I'd just turned towards the door when I heard a shout from outside. I scooped up the tablecloth and ran down the stairs, leaping the bottom three and startling Grandfather out of his nap. Through the door into the kitchen, I could hear shouts and hurried to see what was happening outside.
Dropping the tablecloth on a stool near the fireplace, I scurried to the doorway. Outside in the courtyard, Kinder hung upside down, his arms around Nayne's shoulders, kissing her for all he was worth. Tamas had apparently dropped his end of the log when his father appeared, causing Teru to lose his grip, consequently dropping the heavy piece of wood on his foot, which explained the shout I'd heard earlier.
Kinder's feet drifted leisurely toward the ground without letting go of Nayne. He broke off the kiss and turned to his son, one arm still around his wife. Teru was loudly insisting that he was all right but Tamas wanted him to go put his foot up, to which Teru argued how would Tamas get the log in the house without him. For a moment, I thought Kinder was going to say something sarcastic but he didn't. Instead he gave Nayne a quick squeeze and walked over to the two arguing men. Kinder stood looking at them for a moment before holding up his hands and shouting something in a language I didn't understand. Bitte sidled up to me and stretched up on his toes, I tipped my head down.
"He just called them dunderheads and an embarrassment to their mothers in Coptic," he whispered with a snicker.
"Coptic?" I asked.
"It's spoken in northern part of the Southern Continent, Kinder gets around the Inland Sea." He grinned at me.
I started to ask Bitte how he knew it, but never got the chance as Kinder snapped his fingers at Tamas and pointed to the log. Squatting down, he lifted Teru's end and then looked expectantly at his son, who scrambled to lift his end. I sighed in relief and stepped out of the doorway, so they could bring the log into the house. Behind me, Grandfather also sighed and muttered something about troublesome children. I grinned at him.
"The goose!" Nayne shrieked and gathered up her skirts to run for the kitchen.
Bitte fortunately was closer and swung the spit out of the fire revealing only a small burnt spot on one wing. Nayne inspected the goose then signaled to Gisela who came running with a platter. Bitte helped hold the platter as Nayne and I worked the hot goose off the spit. Meanwhile Tamas and Kinder, followed by a limping Teru, brought the log in and wedged it into the fireplace. The log filled the fireplace so tightly that Teru and Kinder could barely squeeze any kindling around it. When they were finished, Tamas waved them back away from the hearth.
Standing in front of the fireplace, he stretched his hands out, palms facing it, fingers pointed to the floor. Fire flickered across his shoulders and down his arms, coiling around his wrists and dripping off his fingers. The fire spotted the floor like raindrops before running together and snaking up his legs. Tamas threw his head back and let out a shout of pure joy, flame roared up his body and down his arms before leaping into the fireplace. The kindling caught with an audible pop and snap; fire leaped up with a loud whooshing noise to wreath around the Yule Log. Kinna hissed and backed off as fire licked around the edges of the firebox stretching up toward the mantle and down across the hearth.
"Whist laddy, ye naever do things by half, do ye?" Kinder asked drolly.
However, Tamas caught in the spell of the fire didn't respond. Fire spiraled around his arms, moving upwards to coil around his head. Frantically, I wondered how to keep the house from turning into an inferno. Grandfather gestured to me and I stepped up to his side near Tamas. He cleared his throat and spoke loudly.
"Nicco, hand me that bucket o' water, now theh's a good lad."
Tamas' head snapped around so sharply I thought it might pop off his neck completely. The look of puzzled outrage on his face was a memory I would treasure forever. However, Grandfather's words broke the spell and the fire dampened down slowly receding until it burned cheerfully at the kindling under the log. Cautiously I reached out and stroked Tamas' braid. Tendrils of heat caressed my hand in return and he murmured softly in pleasure and leaned back onto my shoulder. My arms slid around his shoulders. Around us, I heard noise and movement but all of my attention was focused on Tamas.
"Och, I'm thinkin' that bucket o' water for the both o' them," Kinder said from the doorway. Tamas straightened up and glared at his father, while I blushed behind my hands.
"Tamas, Nicco, I've been calling you, dinner's ready and we're all hungry," Nayne said, her voice colored with exasperation.
I dropped my hands and opened my mouth to apologize but Tamas caught and squeezed my hand distracting me. He shrugged at his mother and flashed a grin before sauntering to the kitchen dragging me along behind. The feast took up the whole of the table; we filled our plates and returned to the main room to eat. With the roaring fire and a woolen tapestry hanging over the stair well to block drafts, the room was warmer and quite cozy with the sleeping mats and pillows spread around to sit on. Tamas and I curled up near the fire where we could enjoy the company and I could stay warm with fire on both sides.
Noah had shown up with a village boy, whom he introduced to me as Kord, who was apparently the closest of Noah's friends. The two boys spent most of the evening head to head in quiet conversation. Teru apparently had no steady girl at the moment so he and Kinna sprawled in the middle of the room and played a game wherein one tried to capture his opponent's stones on a board of alternating black and natural colored squares. They appeared fairly evenly matched with first Teru winning and then Kinna. Bitte ran back and forth from the kitchen making sure we had enough to eat and drink. Finally, I grabbed his wrist and made him sit down and eat. He flushed and dropped down beside me, a moment later Gisela sat down with a shy smile. Tamas nodded to her and pushed the plate of goose towards her. She whispered a shy thank you and took a piece of meat.
Sometime later as it was starting to get dark, we heard carolers outside. Nayne and Gisela wrapped up several packets of leftovers and carried them out to the singers. I followed curious, I saw a few faces I knew, but the small children wrapped in rags made my heart wring in pain. Their faces, red from the cold, glowed with happiness even though their thin cheeks betrayed their empty stomachs. Nayne carefully distributed the packets to the little ones, earning her several thank yous, bows and curtseys and not a few hugs. I found a handful of farthings in my pouch and distributed them to older children.
Nayne sent Gisela back to the house for more food as one group of carolers moved off and another group appeared. I stayed out, listened to several groups, and gave out all of my farthings, but after awhile I started to feel the cold in my joints and my feet and returned to the house, feeling oddly at peace and happy. I knew the remains of the castle feast would be taken to the almshouse in the morning, but I couldn't help but feel more satisfied in seeing the faces of the children receiving packets of food from Nayne.
The kitchen fire had burned down and the room was only slightly warmer than outside. Calling to Bitte, I told him to add some wood to the fire before it burned out completely. Tamas sauntered in from the main room and leaned on the doorframe; his doublet unbuttoned; mug in hand and smirked at me amused.
"I can start that fire anytime," he said.
I flushed embarrassed that I had forgotten. He crossed the four feet between the door and me in two strides and wrapped his arms around my waist. My arms draped around his neck without having to be told to and I leaned against him soaking up the heat. Tamas tipped my head up and kissed me. Heat flooded down my chest, warming me to the core. I clung to Tamas' doublet basking in the heat of his body and the heat of his kiss. He broke the kiss off as his mother and Gisela returned. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Gisela flinch at the sight of me wrapped in Tamas' arms. She didn't run away, but neither would she meet either of our eyes for the rest of the evening.
The rest of the evening was spent cleaning up and storing the leftovers in the pantry. Nayne declared that dishes could wait until morning and I heard Kinder mutter something about getting an early start. Kinna fell asleep early, completely worn out from the excitement of the day; Tamas carried him to a sleeping mat near the fire and wrapped him in blankets. Teru disappeared shortly after dinner to go find his fellows, but Noah and Kord curled up on two mats pushed together and burrowed under the blankets to talk or so I assumed because although I knew Noah walked the same path as Tamas and I, I didn't know about Kord.
On my last trip to the kitchen, I found Kinder and Tamas heads together in conversation. I started to back out but Kinder gestured to me to come in. I carried the plates to the counter and paused not quite certain what I should do. Tamas reached out and took my hand, pulling me to his side.
"Ye need to conquer that enthrall ye have wi' the fire before ye can start to change," Kinder was saying. "As long as the magic controls ye, ye can't control it."
Tamas nodded, his hand tightening on my wrist. Kinder's bright eyes flicked down to our hands and up to my eyes. I read amusement and approval in them. He looked up at his son, studying his face a moment before continuing to speak.
"I can help ye wi' learnin to change, tis tricky until ye get the hang o' it. Soon as ye master the fire, call me."
"Call you?" Tamas asked puzzled.
"Aye, wi' yer heart call to me, I'll hear ye and come." He held up his hand warding off his son's rant on his long absence.
"Ye doon know yer mum as well as ye think, as lonely as she ever gets, she naever calls me. Her definition of loving me means naever putting bonds on me." He paused and stared off beyond his son's shoulder. "Sometimes tis a terrible burden to bear, now and then a man wants to be needed."
With nothing else to say, Kinder went off to find Nayne and perhaps tempt her to go upstairs and leave the rest for the morrow. Tamas and I went upstairs to his room and talked for a long time. His world was rather shaken by the knowledge that his father wasn't nearly as irresponsible as he'd assumed not to mention that his mother was a good deal more stubborn than he'd realized. For myself, I was surprised to hear Kinder say that he wished Nayne would call him. My view of married couples had not involved such desires based on my parents and brother.
The rest of the next two weeks passed much too quickly as these sort of things usually do. The day after Christmas, we walked up to the castle and visited the garrison smithy. Tamas cooed and tickled little Elly and I discovered a new ache in my heart: that I could never give him a small red headed child of his own. Elly, for her own part, was as enchanted by the giant bright haired man as her older sister, Sarah, and in all honesty, every other female that crossed Tamas' path. She grasped the end of his braid and it took Molly and Mistress Jane to make her let go. Tamas promised her a lock of his hair when she was old enough to swoon for it.
New Year's Day arrived entirely too soon and I woke up with tears on my face; Tamas would be leaving in seven days. Quickly drying them, I leaned over Tamas for my shirt. Bitte, I noted, was already up and most likely fetching hot water for our morning washing up. Tamas' arm hooked around me and pulled me back under the covers, causing me to lose grip on my shirt, and for a while, we were too busy to talk or worry about our clothing.
After washing up and eating breakfast, I had to attend to Mother and visit with Sarrit. Tamas decided to wait for me down at the garrison smithy, after stopping in the kitchen to sweet talk Cook out of a jug of ale. I hadn't expected Sarrit or her children when I did my gift shopping, so I had hurriedly scoured the shops and peddlers in town, hoping to find something. I'd finally settled on some fine cotton cloth dyed a light blue for Sarrit and some carved horses for her two boys. For the two girls, I bought ribbons and fancy hair ornaments, which the peddler swore were all the rage in the southern part of the continent. Sarrit seemed pleased as, did the children and I breathed a little bit easier. Mother had gifts of clothing for her servants and to my surprise, for Bitte as well. He looked startled, but recovered quickly and made a deep, sweeping bow that charmed Mother. She smiled and complimented me on his fine manners. Mother, perhaps with Melly's help, had located, for me, a fine set of writing nibs and some fancy quills. Surprised I could only stammer out thanks.
Lehi and Meg also arrived with their children, though Lehi didn't stay long. I wondered darkly if he'd visited his mistress recently or if he was too busy. I pushed the thought away determined not to let anything upset my day. I hadn't met his mistress but I suspected she was poor and his assistance was critical to her survival, I just wished it didn't feel so wrong to me.
Mother's mood was one of elation and satisfaction, and I sorrowed for Sarrit's leaving, as I was certain she'd be cross and out of sorts then. However, for now I put forth my best effort to be a good and attentive son, trying not to embarrass her or Sarrit. I must have succeeded because as I was leaving Sarrit gave me a hug and told me how good it was to see me again. I patted her back and made a murmured agreement. Sarrit being a year younger than Lehi meant I'd had little to do with her when we were children. She was married and moved out practically before I left my nursemaid's care and now as an adult I wasn't quite certain how to relate to her.
A new layer of snow had fallen and our footsteps squeaked and crunched as we walked to the garrison. I wasn't looking forward to the walk to town on the slippery, cold road. Much to my pleasure Tamas had the same thought and wrapping his arms around Bitte and me, took off on a run at dragon speed. Surprised I clung to his shoulder with eyes closed, praying we wouldn't stumble.
We reached the village without incident fortunately and were soon in the warmth of Nayne's kitchen sipping hot wine and exchanging small gifts: wine or ale for the men, spices for Nayne and sweets for the children. There were gifts of clothing for Bitte, Gisela, Noah and Teru as rewards for their hard work in the prior year. Privately, in the half-light of Tamas' room, Tamas presented me a new belt buckle in the shape of a dragon, made of fine silver and polished to a shine. I had thought hard about what to give him and finally decided on a doublet lined with fox fur and trimmed in miniver.
Tamas enthusiastically showed his pleasure over the new doublet until I thought my body would explode from pleasure. I decided against telling him that the outer cloth and the miniver were the only new components, the inner lining and fur were taken from an old cloak of Mother's that she'd discarded for the almshouse. Instead, Melly had brought it to me with the doublet idea. I made a mental note, before orgasm wiped all thoughts out of my head, to thank Melly again for her hard work making the pattern from an old doublet Nayne had given me and sewing the finished product.
Epiphany came all too soon and the feast, while not as lavish as Christmas, had a tinge of sorrow to it. I, for one, found it hard to eat truly enjoy myself knowing that Tamas would be leaving on the morrow. Nayne, as well, seemed rather affected by her son's departure and to even Kinder couldn't completely distract her. Unable to cope with a second departure, I left the house shortly before dark to return to the castle. Tamas had not been pleased with my leaving and we quarreled briefly in the square outside the smithy, the result of which was that I stormed off, Bitte at my heels, leaving him standing there.
My heart ached so bad I could barely breathe and my sobs choked me, but I stubbornly refused to return to the smithy. Finally, I stopped and leaned forward hands on my knees to catch my breath and try to control my shakes. Straightening up I found myself eye to eye with a horse, Molly whickered and butted my shoulder with her nose. Tamas leaned forward over her neck.
"Can yeh talk to me now?" he asked softly. "I don' know what yeh're so angry `bout, but tell me and I'll listen."
"Tamas," I whispered.
He held out his hand and I took it allowing him to pull me up into the saddle. He settled me in front of him and then pulled Bitte up to ride pillion behind. His arms and cloak wrapped around me as I leaned back against his warm chest. The ride to the castle ended far too soon, I would have been glad to stay on that horse with Tamas forever. Tamas left her at the smithy with a somewhat fresh bale of hay to munch and followed me to my room.
Without a word, Bitte hung his cloak on the hook and took off out the door towards the back stairs to the kitchen. Tamas looked after him with a small smile, before wrapping his arm around me and pulling me towards the bed. He sat on the edge and I perched nervously beside him. He studied me a moment before tipping my chin up and I found myself drowning in those impossibly blue eyes.
"Talk to me Nicco, what's wrong? I know yeh're upset about my leaving but I don' understand yer yellin."
"I'm sorry, Tamas," I said softly. "I'm already feeling lonesome. I want to go with you so badly, but I can't. It wouldn't be right..." My voice trailed off.
"I want," I started again before he could respond, "I want to beg you to stay, I want to cry and throw myself at your feet, but I can't. That's not fair to you; you've worked so hard and are almost a Master. I've been holding back so long, I guess it just exploded tonight. I'm sorry."
Tamas pulled my head to his shoulder, cradling it in his big hand. I could hear his heartbeat like thunder inside his doublet. My right hand scrabbled awkwardly trying to grasp his sleeve. Tamas' fingers stroked my head.
"Oh my poor Nicco, my precious mate, how I have made you suffer," Tamas said softly. "I thought there was more in yer heart than yeh were writin down. I want nothin more'n ta stay here tomorrow, but at tha same time I'm so close ta being Master, I can taste it like a mug o'ale." His fingers caressed my cheek. "I've worked and ached in every muscle and worked some more to reach this place and however much I love yeh, I can't throw it away."
"Tamas!" I said sitting up abruptly, pulling out of his grasp. "I'd never ask you to do that! I couldn't, I just..."
I stared off into space for a moment, something teasing at the back of my mind. Abruptly I stood up and walked over to the window, opening it a crack. Far off I saw what looked like fires but I couldn't be certain. I leaned out and breathed in the cold air clearing my head. Turning around, I leaned back against the window and closed my eyes.
"The second day I came to your house, your mother and I talked about your father."
"Da?" Tamas said confused.
I nodded, "Yes, your mother told me she was the one who told your father to leave. She said, let me see," I paused to arrange the words in my mind. "She said `I told him to go, He was so miserable. Not my beautiful mercurial lover any more, just a frustrated, miserable man. I couldn't let him continue to live that way.'" I took a deep breath.
"At that time, I didn't understand what she meant, maybe that first explosion of passion was stopping up my wits or something, but now I understand. You have something you need to do, something far greater than staying at my side. If I make you stay here you'll only be miserable, maybe even start to hate me. I can't be like the village girls who only wanted you to make their lives better; I can make my life better. So when you come home, I'll be ready to be your mate and stand by you as you turn the Smith Guild upside down."
Tears were running down my face like rivers and I heard my voice break but I held my head up, I was no village girl to cry and wail and plead. Tamas cried out my name and leaped towards at me wrapping me in his arms. I clung to him and he clung to me, two tired, scared, lonely boys finding comfort in each other.
Bitte knocked softly and came in when I answered. Smart lad, he had a jug of ale, a pair of mugs and a small loaf of bread, which he put on the table and left with a bow. Tamas and I drank and talked and made love and then drank some more. I heard the church bell strike nine as he pulled on his cloak. He sat on the edge of the bed and kissed me.
"Be strong, Nicco, the time will pass quick enough and I'll be home. I have to create a master piece o' work to prove that I understand all the principles I've been taught, then I'll be back to warm yeh up." His leer was so comic I couldn't help but laugh.
He kissed me again and then was gone. I burrowed back into my covers. I was sad indeed, but strangely enough, I wasn't as miserable as I had been when he'd left in October. It was as if I'd come to some conclusion in myself and now I was ready to move forward in my life instead of being content to be swept along like leaves in a creek. It was still going to be hard and I was sure I'd have many sad days ahead but it was all moving toward that time when Tamas and I could be together.